Do you fantasize of the future, when you will have success in your career, a nice house, a wonderful partner to share your life with, that fast car that will get you all the fun and attention you desire, or the day you go on a warm holiday to Bali? Do you think to yourself, “When I will have this, then I will be happy and enjoy life.”? While you a dreaming of these things, life is passing you by. If you are relying on other people or things to make you happy, then you are making a big mistake.
My friend Gloria was in a relationship with a guy for three years. She told me many times how happy he made her, and how much better life was with him. To make a long story short, after the three years went by, he did not want to make a permanent commitment to her. He said he didn’t know when or if he wants to get married, or have kids at all. They broke up because there was no future for them. Needless to say, her world was shattered. She was depressed, horrified and overfilled with tears and pain for an entire year. She said, “Gali, he’s gone, and I will never be happy again. There is no one here to make me happy anymore.” This was a big statement that scared me very much. I tried to show her that this happiness must now come from inside of her, that’s the only way to survive this emotional pain. But she didn’t listen, and kept sinking lower into her depression. Last month she met a new man, and she is happy again, running around and singing. Can’t she see how dangerous it is that she can only be happy when having a man in her life? What happens if this one leaves as well? Then life is over again? Putting your own happiness in someone else’s hands is very volatile and risky. Happiness should be controlled by you, and not another person or new thing that you buy.
If you want to find yourself at a state of constant equilibrium, you cannot place your happiness in the hands of anyone else. You cannot control what someone will do to you, yet your reaction to it is your karma! Buying new things and going on holiday is nice, but if this is the only way for one to be happy, then there is a big problem. Sometimes there are situations when money is not always around, or the big love has disappeared – and then what? Life is over? So how do you generate happiness from the inside? I went through some harsh experiences with my private and career life the last few years, and I can understand what it feels like to be at the bottom. We have two choices. We either let ourselves fall lower into misery and become victims, or fight out of the black hole and create happiness for ourselves. Here is a list that helps me to keep my happiness and positivity:
1. I wake up in the morning healthy and alive, and that’s already a huge reason to be happy. I get out of bed, and say thank you out loud with a smile everyday.
2. Even if you feel sad, force yourself to smile, because this action releases dopamine – the feel-good chemical. If you think it looks stupid, go to a place where no one sees you, and smile – in the bathroom at the office or on your couch in the evening. It’s a really amazing trick that actually works!
3. Sport relives stress, and makes you feel amazing that you did something good for you! You don’t even need the gym, and can do it at home like I do. After working out, I feel a rush of happiness and gratification that I’m treating my body well.
4. When eating, take the time to enjoy your food. Taste it, and try to eat slower than usual. Don’t forget how fortunate you are to have a healthy stomach that can digest the food, and a healthy mouth and teeth that can chew. I had a cold two weeks ago and couldn’t taste my food. When it was gone, I realized how something small like tasting food could be so wonderful!
5. Spend as much time with family and friends as you can. These are the people that love you unconditionally. Get rid of all toxic people in your life that harm you.
6. During the day take a small moment, look up at the sky and say thank you for being here, healthy and alive. And smile.
7. If you’re healthy – even more or less – be grateful because that’s really something that cannot be bought or earned. Health is something that you are blessed with, so try to do all you can to keep it strong and with you.
8. If you have a weak or sad moment, start counting your blessings and think of all the positive things that are in your life now. This tricks the brain to think of the positive rather than negative things.
9. No love in your life now? My grandfather always said that what one year doesn’t do, one minute can change! So you never know what’s around the corner, and coming towards you. Feel the strong faith inside that your special one will come – it might happen sooner than you think!
10. Find something that you like and enjoy. If it’s reading, writing, watching your favorite series, painting, masturbating, cooking or eating, do something once a day that you truly enjoy. Find a hobby that occupies your time, and which you really enjoy. This brings pleasure and joy.
11. If your brain sends you negative thoughts, counteract them right away with positive happy thoughts. Trick the brain to replace negative with positive as soon as they appear.
12. I like to play house music from the 90s in the evening or morning when doing my sports or housework. It makes me happy to dance around my flat and act silly. I don’t care who sees me from my windows. I’m happy in that moment, and I smile to myself as well.
13. Action and not inertia. If you have something to deal with, do it now! Don’t keep important things that must be done for another day. You will see that you will have a tremendous feeling of relief and happiness when you get your shit done now, and not procrastinate. You will sleep better.
14. In one ear and out the other. Be Teflon. If someone hurts you or gossips about you, let it roll off of you life Teflon. Who cares? It’s usually jealousy anyways. Smile and move on. Let them gossip, it means you’re important enough for them to think about you. Leave revenge to Lady Karma – don’t get your hands dirty. (Same applies for bad loves and jobs, exes, colleagues, etc)
15. Money, nice things, good sex and food, holidays, etc are all bonuses in life. Be satisfied with the bare minimum, and enjoy when these bonuses come, because they are not the true meaning of life. The good bonuses will be graced upon you, if you know how to be happy with the minimum.
If you are at a balanced and happy state, no matter what hard things life throws at you, you will always be able to deal with it, and not allow it to destroy you! Also if you truly love yourself, then you can properly love someone else. Being in a relationship with a happy person is the best thing that you can give or have. I’ve learned the hard way that true happiness is not an external factor, and can only come from within. Depend on yourself for the happiness, because only you can truly love and give yourself, what you expect others to give you. And if they do, see it as a bonus in life and don’t take it for granted. Do you want to be truly happy? So what’s stopping you? Start now, it’s your own decision and choice!
Galia Brener on facebook