love yourself

Get into a relationship with: YOURSELF!
Get into a relationship with: YOURSELF! 1200 800 Galia Brener

It’s 9am on a Saturday morning, and your grandmother just called because she wants you to help her pick out that “ever-so-trendy-grandma-purple-hair-dye”. Two hours later your best friend calls because her boyfriend cheated on her with his childhood friend George. You meet her in the city for emergency cheesecake and sparkling wine. Five hours later you leave her happily drunk at home and finally have the chance to pick up your dry cleaning. Guess what, the store is closed already. You rush home to change because in an hour you have a date with a man you have been looking forward to see for days now. You put your favorite outfit on, hoping that this guy will be a good one. You hear the doorbell ring. After an hour into the date, you notice how much he is in love with himself and your excitement disappears. You make up an excuse that you have to finish helping the technicians at NASA early the next morning and you run out of there. You finally arrive at home and drop into bed. What a tiring day after such a stressful week!

The next morning your mother calls. Then your brother calls and asks to pick him up because his car broke down, yet again! Your landlord calls and says there will be no hot water for half a day. Your toaster burns the last slice of bread you have. You remember that you didn’t finish that last part of your presentation for your meeting on Monday. You think it will take an hour to finish, but 4 hours later, it’s evening again. You are left with 3 hours on a Sunday evening before the stress week starts again.

STOP. Reprogram yourself.

One does not live forever. More than a third of the day is spent working. The remaining part is spent sleeping, eating, making love, going out, doing stuff for/with people that you do not always want to do. So how much time is there leftover for YOU? You grew up hearing that you must not be selfish. Sure, but there is a time when you have to say stop. It starts with learning to say “No”. In the beginning it won’t be easy. People will get angry with you. But you must think of yourself. You need to make time for yourself and do the things that relax and make you happy. Your “real” friends and family will understand this.

Do not spend all of your time and energy on your partner. Do not depend on him/her to make you happy. This has to come from within yourself. Many women rely on their partner to fill a void that has been there for a long time. You must work on yourself so that this happiness comes from within. Your partner is a bonus in your life and not the meaning of your life. Get rid of those expectations that as soon as you have a boyfriend, you will be happier and more satisfied. If not met, expectation can leave you hurt and devastated. Yes, having a partner will bring new excitement into your life, but never make the mistake to rely solely on your partner to make you happy. Your partner is not Mother Theresa, and it’s not his job to turn your life into a fairytale. However, if you really want to, you can do this for yourself.

Get a hobby. You enjoy eating? Take a cooking course. You like art? Try painting. You like words and can get lost in them? Then take a pen and write something down. Make a date with yourself to do something that you love, which brings peace and happiness to your heart and soul. You like to stay fit? Try Kung Fu lessons. You like fashion? Take a Sunday design course. You want to upgrade your education? Take a weekend or evening course. Do what makes you happy. Be selfish! It’s your life, and you have only one to enjoy now! If you do not know which hobby to do, then try testing many things. A few hours here and there, and eventually you will find something that you like.

Eating makes me happy. I take the time out everyday to enjoy a lovely meal and not feel guilty about it. Of course we all want to look and feel great in our skin, but please my dears, do not deprive yourself. Know your limits and enjoy yourself within these limits. Sit and read a book. Make a beauty Sunday with a relaxing bath or hot shower, facial mask and cucumbers on your eyes. Whatever you do, just take the time out for yourself and take care of yourself. Especially us women, we tend to nurture everyone else, and often forget ourselves in the process. 

Next time you pass that store, go in and buy those shoes you have been looking at for weeks. What the hell do you work so hard and suffer for? You deserve it. Saving is important as well, but sometimes buying a new thing works wonders to heal the soul. Even if it’s small and not expensive, you feel that you treat yourself and it’s a good feeling.

Girls at the end of the day, who will take care of you if not you?! It’s great having a good man, family and friends around, but at the end, its you with yourself. Build up this relationship with yourself and make it strong. It’s time to start loving yourself. 

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Photoshoot location: Steigenberger Frankfurter Hof

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Are You Beautiful?
Are You Beautiful? 1200 400 Galia Brener

Last week I met my girls for a drink and we got into a heated discussion about appearances. 3 out of the 4 said that it matters what others think of their appearance, especially other women. If they get compliments, and other women think they look good, then they feel better about themselves. If they get a negative comment about their appearance, their mood drops, and their confidence is affected as well. We spent hours philosophizing about this, and the girls decided that it’s important what others think about their appearance. I do not agree about this conclusion. What if one doesn’t get complimented all the time, do they have to hang themself? No! You and only you decide about your own beauty, self-confidence and happiness.

 

Don’t forget that not everyone around us is happy for us. Sometimes people will criticize you on purpose, or say something negative simply to make you feel bad because they are jealous of you. It could also be that others have a completely different sense of what’s beautiful or not. And of course they’re own style might be completely the opposite of yours. So you can see the threat of relying on other people’s opinion about your appearance! I think it’s dangerous to put your happiness, which is your personal power, in other people’s hands. You are your own master, so please don’t let anyone steal your sunshine away from you.

 

I have a friend Lilia and she’s the fashion beauty queen of her clique. When she goes out with her girls, she is always dressed to perfection. Perfect hair, precisely done makeup, exquisitely matched accessories, and always 12cm+ high heels. They always look like those gorgeous girls out of a Vogue photo shooting. But the strange thing is that they walk around like that during the day as well! Of course with lower heels, but still full makeup on. Last month Lilia and I met up for dinner. I asked that she comes casually dressed with very minimal makeup on. (I wanted to show her an important lesson). Of course as I expected she freaked out at first, but then agreed. We met outside the restaurant, and I was so surprised by her amazing natural beauty! As the evening progressed we drank some wine and she became more relaxed. I asked her why did she always make herself up like that? Wasn’t it excruciatingly exhausting to always try to be so perfect? She actually broke down, cried and said that the pressure of society and her friends was unbearable.

 

She was expected to always look the prettiest and most perfect she can be. Actually deep inside of herself she hated it and herself for keeping up with this charade. Lilia also said that otherwise men would pay less attention to her. Funny but as she was saying that, there was a young man at the next table looking intensely at her. As the evening progressed, Lilia came out of her uncomfortable shell, and was enjoying herself very much – just being her natural self! The two men at the table invited us for a drink. Lilia ended up meeting a wonderful guy and enjoyed the best evening she has had in years! He even complimented on how natural her beauty was! If she were made up like her usual Barbie doll self, he wouldn’t have spoken to her. Ever since that evening, Lilia has really gotten back to her natural beautiful self and feels happier and safer inside! I am so happy that she finally understood that happiness comes from within. After a few weeks, she told me that she doesn’t need any more constant confirmation from the outside world about her appearance. She feels happy and stronger inside. She started to slowly love herself as she is. She said that if someone doesn’t like it, they could go to one place where the sun doesn’t shine…

 

Let’s face it, you are the only one that can feel yourself from the inside. No one else in this Universe knows how it feels to be you from within – so you know best about how you look and feel from the inside out. The others can only see you from the outside. So actually their approval is only based on a superficial exterior level, which is not the most important thing in life! There is nothing wrong with getting a makeover, or changing your style, but do it for yourself and not for others! Society is such a bitch, and will not be there for you if you “fall off your heels”, so who cares about what they think? Do what’s best for you and take care that you are happy and healthy. No one can insert happiness into your heart, and only you can make sure that you feel beautiful and wonderful. Ladies and gentlemen, do yourself a favor and don’t be influenced by others. Fuck what everyone thinks – to yourself you will always be beautiful exactly as you are and you know it ♥

 

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Love yourself and overcome your insecurities.
Love yourself and overcome your insecurities. 1200 400 Galia Brener

I would like to introduce myself again. My name is Galia Brener, and in high school people called me “Pepperoni pizza”. I had horrible acne. Grotesque pimples decorated my face, chest and back. I used to cover half of my face with my hair, and walk around like “Cousin It” from the Addams Family. I still have scars on my face and chest. Up until a few years ago, I would conceal this with heavy makeup, but now, I just don’t give a damn anymore. I threw out all of that hideous makeup. Too many years of crying for nothing!

 

Do you feel/think that: You are overweight? You have acne? You are too short? Too tall? Too skinny? Not smart or pretty enough? You feel like an alien alone on this planet because you’re different? Don’t worry, you are not alone. Listen to Pepperoni Pizza’s advice: Who cares what the others say or think. BE WHO YOU ARE, and be proud of it! “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” That’s my favorite quote from Oscar Wilde.

 

These insecurities take lots of joy and happiness away from us. For the first 20 years of my life I felt terrible about my face. Eventually, I got so sick and tired of hiding behind my hair and makeup. Those are just “illusions”. Even through the makeup, one could see the scars and acne. And even through the baggy long clothing, one can see your full curvy (beautiful!) body. So how long are we going to hide behind these “protectors”? And is this really protecting us, or making our insecurities worse?

 

My friend “Honey” is a European size 44, and is drop-dead gorgeous! She dated a man that treated her very badly. He always called her fat. Finally she had the courage to dump him. She was depressed and ate chocolate day and night to comfort her soul. Being a good friend, I ate the kilos of chocolate with her, while crying and laughing together. After we both gained one more clothing size, we decided to go to a party. Honey saw a tall, handsome, olive-skinned man with eyes as bright as the Jaguar XKR-S French Racing Blue color! He is a well-known basketball star (Let’s call him J). She fell in love at first sight! Later on, he approached her with a glass of wine, and they spent the rest of the evening chatting. Today they are still happy together. Sadly, Honey continues with her diets. She looses and gains weight, but J never cares about it. He loves her for who she is. The only person that cares about the weight is Honey herself. That’s a damn shame, because she is curvy and extremely beautiful, but doesn’t see or feel it!

 

So who really notices all of your imperfections? YOU! Sorry to tell you this, but you are your worst enemy. Just like I was mine. I hated my pimples, so I squeeze them. Unfortunately that made them even worse and left scars! It was disgusting and awful. I was trapped in my own dark hell inside of my head. What helped me later was to acknowledge and concentrate on my strengths! Are you good at art, cooking, sports, design, dancing, singing, etc? If so, spend more time doing these things and less time criticizing yourself. Do not constantly talk about your flaws with others. Instead, mention your good traits!

 

Here are a few steps that helped me to overcome my insecurity issues:

 

1: Ignore non-constructive insults, judgments and criticism about you and your body.

2: Let go of past emotional garbage. It’s a decision of letting go and starting a fresh cycle.

3: Don’t try to always please others. You’ll never be able to satisfy everyone. Think of yourself too!

4: Avoid negative and toxic people. Keep them out of your life!

5: Stop your negative thoughts. As soon as they start, block them by thinking of something completely different. Don’t give such destructive thoughts a chance to upset you!

6: Stop comparing yourself to others. Don’t copy others and accept your uniqueness.

7: Attack your worries and fears. Face them head-on! I hated going out into the sunlight with my acne because everyone could see it. I spent my days at home after school, like a damn vampire. So sad and pathetic. Enough! Face your fears! Buy that sexy dress, even if you feel that you are too curvy for it. Just do it and wear it with pride!

8: It’s time to start loving and respecting yourself. If you wont, then the others wont either! Show others how you want to be treated.

9: Set goals for yourself, and when you achieve them, reward and treat yourself.

10: Become more positive in your thoughts and actions. Be happy!

 

Please promise me that once you feel strong inside, try to help others to get to such a wonderful place as well. Look outside at what is happening in this crazy world. We are there to help each other. But before we can do so, we must start by helping ourselves. I wish you lots of good luck, strength and energy for your mission. Everything will be ok!

 

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How I got in good shape
How I got in good shape 1354 437 Galia Brener
This one is for the ladies and gentlemen who have asked me how I managed to drop 10 kg and succeeded at looking better, healthier and fitter. This article marks the 2-year Anniversary of writing my column, so I will open up to you today, and tell you how I personally managed my big transformation this year.

It all started on January 1st 2014, when I didn’t fit into my favorite jeans anymore. It was the day after New Year’s Eve, and I looked around the flat, disgusted by the fast food boxes from the nights before. I wasn’t happy with my body, excess fat and cellulite anymore. It always annoyed me to hear people talking about doing sports, getting fit and working out. Even worse were the people talking about eating healthy food, salads, less carbs, blah blah blah. I thought, “How pathetic, what kind of life is that?” I only had pizza and burgers on my mind. I liked to show off that I could eat whatever and whenever I want to. One day, my best friend showed me a bikini photo of us from the previous summer in Ibiza. I was shocked. My stomach was hanging over the bikini bottoms and the cellulite was all over my thighs. My upper arms were flabby and my bum was much more than what I bargained for. I know that happiness comes from the inside, and we should love ourselves no matter what we look like, but I wasn’t happy with what I saw in the mirror. I wanted to be fit and toned!

The very first thing I changed was not to eat after 6pm. I don’t mean no carbs after 6pm, but rather nothing at all! Of course I drink water and tea, but no food at all after this hour. I go to sleep around midnight, so that leaves me with 6 hours to digest the food I ate in the early evening. What I noticed right away was how amazingly flat my stomach was when waking up in he morning! I feel light, and sleep better – since the body is not working on digesting the food that I would usually eat at 9pm or later. I do have to warn you though: it was a living hell at the beginning. The first two weeks were horrendous torture. I would walk around my flat hungry and angry like a monster. What worked was to go to sleep earlier in order to avoid this feeling. After a few weeks, my stomach and body got used to not eating after 6pm, and it was completely normal for me. The nice thing is that I don’t have the energy ups and downs anymore, but rather a constant energy flow throughout the day. I make the rare exception and eat later if I’m out for dinner with friends, but try not to break this rule very often.

I start my day at 8am with a cup of coffee and a big glass of water. I have breakfast around 10am, and eat something light, like cereal, eggs or a small sandwich. I’m not a believer in the Atkins or low-carb diet. I’ve done them and the Ketogenic diet as well, but it’s not for me. Carbs make me super happy, and I can’t deny myself of eating them. Life is short and we have to enjoy! I eat my lunch around 2pm. For me, lunch is the most important meal, and not breakfast. For lunch I usually eat a large salad with chicken or turkey inside. I like Caesar salad, and I’m not afraid to eat the dressing that goes with it, and some bread too. Fish is also good, stuffed peppers, or roasted chicken with vegetable – even with baked, boiled or mashed potatoes. I also like steaks, and once in a while eat it with French fries. I don’t deprive myself of anything! I eat what I love, but all in healthy doses. I still eat burgers, but only 1 or 2 times a month. I eat Thai food, with rice, chicken and vegetables. What I really love is sushi. Soups, vegetable sticks and fruit are great snacks for in between. I don’t eat pizza or pasta – personally for me, it’s too heavy. I usually make a nice sandwich around 5 – 6 pm with fresh vegetables on the side. I don’t eat big things for dinner, mostly a soup, wrap, salad or sandwich. I don’t usually eat desserts, cakes or pastries, because I never liked the heavy sweet taste. However, I’m not afraid to eat a few small pieces of dark chocolate during the day, because it makes me happy.

Around February, I decided to add some fun physical activity again. I tried yoga years before and thought it to be horribly boring and hippie-infested. This year I decided to try it again, and chose a dynamic course. I loved it! It melts the daily stress away, leaving me relaxed and happy. I noticed my muscles slowly developing. It looked sexy, so I started doing yoga twice a week. In April I watched a movie from the 80’s and saw a woman doing some funny Jane Fonda moves at home. A silly thought came into my head, “Why don’t I do this at home?” So I started with sit-ups, push-ups, bum busters, squats and the side plank hip lifts. I started with a small amount of 20 times on each side, and 3 sets. Now I progressed to 50 times and 3 sets. Take your own time and start slowly. Getting in shape takes time and patience! I now also use 2kg weights, and do 30 curls on each side for my biceps and triceps, and also in 3 sets. Depending on my muscle pain the next day, I either skip a day or do these exercises everyday at home. It takes a total of 1 hour for me. I wake up earlier to do them, or in the evening after work. This with yoga 2-3 times a week does the trick for me! I’m not a jogger, and never liked it. It’s boring for me and tough on the knees. But if you like it, then it’s a great cardio workout. I walk around the entire city from appointment to appointment, which is my cardio each day. Sports really help to get rid of cellulite. I see a huge difference, and am so happy with the results!

Last but not least, my most important achievement this year was to quit smoking. Gone are the stinky, horrible, expensive and nasty cancer sticks! It’s been 136 days now, and I don’t plan to touch them ever again. I can’t believe how much more energy I have without smoking. Walking fast and climbing stairs is so much easier now. I gained 3kg as soon as I quit, but I compensated with more sports, and thankfully lost those bloody kilos again. Stopping to smoke slowed my metabolism down, but I noticed that my body is getting back to normal, and is digesting quicker without the nicotine again. It takes time. For those that say I look better now, it’s definitely the non-smoking. The skin heals and renews itself. Also the healthier food and sports help to regenerate the body. What also helps me is 8 hours of sleep, and not drinking much alcohol. I drink wine about 3 times a month, but only a few glasses, and no alcohol at home. Of course don’t forget the usual: drink lots and lots of water, blah blah. No seriously, it really helps. I also take multi vitamins everyday. I won’t lie to you, getting into shape is hard at the beginning. However once you start and see results, you won’t be able to stop. You will feel so happy and proud of yourself! You will be healthier and your clothes will fit you better, and of course this increases the self-confidence a lot. Now I’m one of those annoying people bothering my friends about health and sports, and guess what? I will never go back to the way I was before. New life, new Gali. Come and join my “New-Me-Revolution!”

Web: www.facebook.com/yesnomaybegalia

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Want to be happy?
Want to be happy? 1354 437 Galia Brener

Do you fantasize of the future, when you will have success in your career, a nice house, a wonderful partner to share your life with, that fast car that will get you all the fun and attention you desire, or the day you go on a warm holiday to Bali? Do you think to yourself, “When I will have this, then I will be happy and enjoy life.”? While you a dreaming of these things, life is passing you by. If you are relying on other people or things to make you happy, then you are making a big mistake.

My friend Gloria was in a relationship with a guy for three years. She told me many times how happy he made her, and how much better life was with him. To make a long story short, after the three years went by, he did not want to make a permanent commitment to her. He said he didn’t know when or if he wants to get married, or have kids at all. They broke up because there was no future for them. Needless to say, her world was shattered. She was depressed, horrified and overfilled with tears and pain for an entire year. She said, “Gali, he’s gone, and I will never be happy again. There is no one here to make me happy anymore.” This was a big statement that scared me very much. I tried to show her that this happiness must now come from inside of her, that’s the only way to survive this emotional pain. But she didn’t listen, and kept sinking lower into her depression. Last month she met a new man, and she is happy again, running around and singing. Can’t she see how dangerous it is that she can only be happy when having a man in her life? What happens if this one leaves as well? Then life is over again? Putting your own happiness in someone else’s hands is very volatile and risky. Happiness should be controlled by you, and not another person or new thing that you buy.

If you want to find yourself at a state of constant equilibrium, you cannot place your happiness in the hands of anyone else. You cannot control what someone will do to you, yet your reaction to it is your karma! Buying new things and going on holiday is nice, but if this is the only way for one to be happy, then there is a big problem. Sometimes there are situations when money is not always around, or the big love has disappeared – and then what? Life is over? So how do you generate happiness from the inside? I went through some harsh experiences with my private and career life the last few years, and I can understand what it feels like to be at the bottom. We have two choices. We either let ourselves fall lower into misery and become victims, or fight out of the black hole and create happiness for ourselves. Here is a list that helps me to keep my happiness and positivity:

1. I wake up in the morning healthy and alive, and that’s already a huge reason to be happy. I get out of bed, and say thank you out loud with a smile everyday.

2. Even if you feel sad, force yourself to smile, because this action releases dopamine – the feel-good chemical. If you think it looks stupid, go to a place where no one sees you, and smile – in the bathroom at the office or on your couch in the evening. It’s a really amazing trick that actually works!

3. Sport relives stress, and makes you feel amazing that you did something good for you! You don’t even need the gym, and can do it at home like I do. After working out, I feel a rush of happiness and gratification that I’m treating my body well.

4. When eating, take the time to enjoy your food. Taste it, and try to eat slower than usual. Don’t forget how fortunate you are to have a healthy stomach that can digest the food, and a healthy mouth and teeth that can chew. I had a cold two weeks ago and couldn’t taste my food. When it was gone, I realized how something small like tasting food could be so wonderful!

5. Spend as much time with family and friends as you can. These are the people that love you unconditionally. Get rid of all toxic people in your life that harm you.

6. During the day take a small moment, look up at the sky and say thank you for being here, healthy and alive. And smile.

7. If you’re healthy – even more or less – be grateful because that’s really something that cannot be bought or earned. Health is something that you are blessed with, so try to do all you can to keep it strong and with you.

8. If you have a weak or sad moment, start counting your blessings and think of all the positive things that are in your life now. This tricks the brain to think of the positive rather than negative things.

9. No love in your life now? My grandfather always said that what one year doesn’t do, one minute can change! So you never know what’s around the corner, and coming towards you. Feel the strong faith inside that your special one will come – it might happen sooner than you think!

10. Find something that you like and enjoy. If it’s reading, writing, watching your favorite series, painting, masturbating, cooking or eating, do something once a day that you truly enjoy. Find a hobby that occupies your time, and which you really enjoy. This brings pleasure and joy.

11. If your brain sends you negative thoughts, counteract them right away with positive happy thoughts. Trick the brain to replace negative with positive as soon as they appear.

12. I like to play house music from the 90s in the evening or morning when doing my sports or housework. It makes me happy to dance around my flat and act silly. I don’t care who sees me from my windows. I’m happy in that moment, and I smile to myself as well.

13. Action and not inertia. If you have something to deal with, do it now! Don’t keep important things that must be done for another day. You will see that you will have a tremendous feeling of relief and happiness when you get your shit done now, and not procrastinate. You will sleep better.

14. In one ear and out the other. Be Teflon. If someone hurts you or gossips about you, let it roll off of you life Teflon. Who cares? It’s usually jealousy anyways. Smile and move on. Let them gossip, it means you’re important enough for them to think about you. Leave revenge to Lady Karma – don’t get your hands dirty. (Same applies for bad loves and jobs, exes, colleagues, etc)

15. Money, nice things, good sex and food, holidays, etc are all bonuses in life. Be satisfied with the bare minimum, and enjoy when these bonuses come, because they are not the true meaning of life. The good bonuses will be graced upon you, if you know how to be happy with the minimum.

If you are at a balanced and happy state, no matter what hard things life throws at you, you will always be able to deal with it, and not allow it to destroy you! Also if you truly love yourself, then you can properly love someone else. Being in a relationship with a happy person is the best thing that you can give or have. I’ve learned the hard way that true happiness is not an external factor, and can only come from within. Depend on yourself for the happiness, because only you can truly love and give yourself, what you expect others to give you. And if they do, see it as a bonus in life and don’t take it for granted. Do you want to be truly happy? So what’s stopping you? Start now, it’s your own decision and choice!

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5 steps to get rid of expectations.
5 steps to get rid of expectations. 1024 683 Galia Brener

Two weeks ago I had brunch with my close friends and our mothers. As usual we were chatting about life, career and love. My friend’s mama told me that she read my article about expectations killing relationships. She liked the article, and wanted further details about how does one actually get rid of these evil expectations? This week my dear friends and readers, I have compiled a list of how to get rid of these expectations. These things have really helped me in the past:

1. Concentrate on the “NOW” – I think that expectations have something to do with the future and not living in the present. Thoughts like, “When I get this and that, my life will be good, and I will be happy.” show that you are living with future expectations. The future and past do not really exist, because only the present moment does. Living fully and enjoying every second now helps us to be happy at this moment, and not rely on future fulfillment of expectations to make us happy!

2. Be satisfied with yourself – Choose to be happy and satisfied with yourself, and never rely on anyone else for your happiness. I have learned that being happy in my own choice. After falling on my face a few times, I don’t expect others to make me happy anymore. This satisfaction comes from me now, and everything else given to me by others is a “bonus”, and not an “expectation”. Funny thing though, the less I truly expect, the more I get.

3. Nobody owes us anything – I think that nobody owes us anything in this world. The nice things we get are bonuses, but never owed to us. I believe that expectations are the evil voice of our ego – the ego always wants more and more, and only me, me, me. The ego tells you, “I am so great, and I deserve everything because they owe it to me!” And if these expectations don’t get fulfilled then disappointment and sadness come, which causes harm to our happiness and balance in life.

4. Love others – The more love you give, the more love you get. You will notice that if you love your partner truly and freely, and without expectations of getting something in return, this love will be given back to you automatically! As soon as you start mixing it with expectations, for example “If I do this for him, then he will do this for me too.” Or “If I give her this present, then she will love me more.” That’s when the system starts to break down, and the expectations kill the positive flow. Give love freely and don’t think of what you get back in return. It’s not a business deal. You don’t give in order to get. You give because you want to.

5. Get rid of rose-tinted glasses – Accept others as they are and get rid of fairytale expectations. Most of us, including myself, have an ideal of how we want our partners to be, look like, behave, etc. We meet someone new, get into a relationship, and try to project these expectations on that person. Wrong. This is what gets us into trouble in the first place. I once made a mistake when I met my partner. I built in my head an image of this “Big strong almighty man”, and put him on a pedestal. The problem was that he was not at all like the man I created in my head! I was so blinded by my own rose-tinted glasses that I didn’t see the true man in front of me – who was not the wonderful, loving and caring man who I thought he was. You must see the person as they truly are, let them be themselves, and only then will you find out if s/he a good match for you or not! On the positive note, it can happen that you might be surprised that their “true self” is even better than what you had expected.

I know that it is hard to get rid of expectations in life and love. However, these expectations are what kill relationships. What we want and feel we deserve is not always what we get, and we must deal with that fact. The interesting thing that I noticed is that as soon as I dropped all expectations, the things I really wanted started coming into my life automatically! So my advise to you would be to make a little experiment and try to drop all expectations for a month, and see what happens… you will be very pleasantly surprised.

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