July 2013

Thank God it’s the bloody weekend, and you’re having drinks with your best buddy. After a few Geripptes glasses at your friendly neighborhood apple wine dealer, he starts telling you a heart wrenching story about Ms. X. We all know this “Ms. X” – there are many of them all over the world. She’s the one that will walk into your life, have her fun, empty your wallet, rip your heart out of your body, and will magically disappear when she feels like it. Leaving you empty and bitter against all womankind. Sorry Dear, you have just been played by a Bad Girl!

They exist, and they are evil! Not only do they shatter hearts, but they also shatter a man’s opinion of women. Once bitten by a Bad Girl, the poison seeps deep into the body, and takes over the brain. Slowly it changes the man and turns him into a Bad Boy as well. Then, there is an uncontrollable desire for revenge. It’s a curse that has been passed on from millennium to millennium. It’s even worse than it’s cousin the Vampire – because at least Vampires still have feelings. No, the Bad Girl and Boy are more evil than that – they are merciless, and they will tear your soul out with their bare hands, and eat your heart alive. You have been warned!

An acquaintance of mine, let’s call him “Yold”, is one of the worst Bad Boys in Frankfurt. I know his stories about how many women he hurt. I constantly try to persuade him to change his ways, but unfortunately he doesn’t! Last week he broke up with his latest passion. She is a beautiful, kind, intelligent, generous, warm and sweet woman. I wished that finally he would settle with her. But of course, like with all the others, Yold broke her heart into tiny pieces and discarded her for the next one. I know that deep inside, he is not bad. The tragedy is that long ago, when he was still a young nerd, a Bad Girl came into his life, played him, and crushed his manhood and ego. Since then, he swore that no women would ever get that deep into his heart again. The Bad Girl damaged him, and now he is taking revenge on all other women.

What attracts Good Guys to Bad Girls, like flies to dirt? Let’s play Prince Charming: It’s a natural instinct to feel the need to rescue a woman in distress. You see the Bad Girl, and feel that you can give her what she’s missing. The problem is that she will take and take. Once your life energy and bank account are empty, she will find the next fool to suck dry! Excuse the pun. She will never appreciate it. Instead, open up your eyes, and see how many wonderful, kind, lovely, beautiful, warm, and genuine women are in need of a true Prince Charming! These Good Girls will appreciate everything that you have to offer. They will be loyal and loving partners in life. They will go through the good and bad with you, be there when the sun shines, and stay when it becomes dark. These warm women will listen to your fears and sorrows. Don’t you want to have a happy, wonderful life full of true love? The problem is that you associate “Good” with “Boring”. That’s a damn shame.

Wild, exciting, crazy sex: You are addicted to her body like an expensive, illegal drug. She controls your mind and fantasies. With a lick of her tongue, she can send you to the gates of heaven and back! You become a slave to her seduction and passion. She screams your name, while tearing up the sheets on her 8th orgasm. You feel like a Sex God. You are Hercules, and your ego has never felt better! But after the sex is over, she picks up her purse and walks out of your life. Then she decides to come back and walk all over you again. Why do you allow these Bad Girls to do this to you? Good Girls can be tigers in bed as well, but the problem is that you do not even give them a fair chance to show you this. You judge the book by the cover, and put it away in your basement before even reading it. Then you wonder why these women you choose are such bitches! Why? Because you fall for the wrong ones!

Excitement and challenge: The rush of not knowing what will happen next! Every evening with these Bad Girls is like an adventure to the dark side and back. She makes your heart beat faster, and the blood rush through your veins. Wake up! She does the same with you and 69 other men. You’re not the only one, and you never will be. That’s what you like don’t you? You want to tame that wild beast. You want to be the hunter that managed to catch the Bad Girl and turn her into an obedient wife and mother. But the funny thing is that even if you “do” manage to do that, you will get bored so fast, and soon be drooling over the next Bad Girl. Stop torturing yourself. You will never change her, she is damaged goods. She is selfish and cruel, and cares only about herself. Leave that Bad Girl to her own kind. Let her deal with her archenemy Mr. Bad Boy. But the problem is that he doesn’t want her. He goes after the Good Girls, and ruins them for life. It’s sick.

It’s a never-ending cycle. Bad ones turn the Good ones into Bad ones! It’s about time for this viscous circle to stop. Men, open your eyes to the bigger and better things in life. Examine your priorities. Do you want to end up old and alone, without anyone there to make you a cup of tea in order to warm up your shriveling body? What about having your best friend beside you, that one person that you can share your secrets, fantasies and wishes with? WAKE UP and realize what you are wasting your time on! I am sure that you have a good lovely female friend that would enrich you with her true love. But instead, you buy the monster-from-hell a beautiful 2-carat Tiffany’s engagement ring. Well, sorry buddy, that’s your own damn problem. Rest assured that in a few years you will be spending thousands of Euros on a good therapist because your monster has been sleeping with your best friend for the past year. You wanted a Bad Girl? Congratulations, you got one! But happiness will never be part of the package with her. It’s time to be smart gentlemen. It’s time to go out there and find yourselves a proper Good Girl!

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I love this city, but let’s face it, Frankfurt is a big bedroom. Let me put it this way, if there was a social media platform called “Sexbook”, then all of the Frankfurters would somehow be connected to each other. For those of you smiling right now, you know that’s how it really is. For those thinking, “I didn’t sleep with that many people!”… Well dear, even if you only slept with one Frankfurt guy, be assured that he slept with at least a handful of Frankfurt girls before you – and from there, the numbers just multiply. x10, 100? After all, we are the financial city of numbers!

Remember the story of Claudia and that low-life-banker-farmer-man, Mr. Cutlery? Yes, he was the one that lied to her, promising her a beautiful future together, only to get her into bed. But that’s not all ladies and gentlemen. Apparently Mr. Cutlery also slept with Claudia’s best friend’s roommate – during the same timeframe – knowing that the girls are friends! Our pal Karma is always on the lookout for such dirty characters. Mr. Cutlery is a miserable and depressed man. From a young age growing up at the farm, all he ever wanted was to be loved. He didn’t get this love. Now this empty man roams the streets of Frankfurt, manipulating women into sleeping with him. Poor Mr. Cutlery. Let’s all pray for him.

Expectations. They are a killer. If not met, one can get drowned by dreadful feelings of disappointment and sadness. Why do we do this to ourselves? Isn’t it better to simply not expect anything, and let ourselves be surprised when something good happens? Wouldn’t this save us tears and pain? This reminds me of Jilli’s story. She met a tall lawyer at the Schwedlersee. Let’s call him “Mr. Whitey.” At first, he was a charming gentleman. They met a few times, and spent hours talking and laughing. However, the disgusting Mr. Whitey had a plan set up all along! One evening, he took Jilli to a charity event on a boat. All was well, and then… BOOM! His ex girlfriend showed up in their group. Mr. Whitey “forgot” to mention that he took Jilli with him just to make his ex jealous, because he was still after her love. Jilli was simply used as bait! What a filthy degenerate jerk! It was awful, and Jilli couldn’t get off the bloody boat! Swimming in the Main was looking better and better with every minute! Finally they docked, and Mr. Whitey lied to Jilli that he lost his keys, and couldn’t get into his flat. She felt sorry for this poor bastard, and let him sleep on the couch. Of course he tried his luck, but Jilli didn’t even give him a millisecond of a chance! In the morning, this moron “miraculously” found his keys in a “hole” in his pocket. Later on, Jilli heard from an acquaintance that – surprise surprise – also dated him, that he has problems in the “performance” department – I guess Ms. Karma has paid a visit to him already.

I saved the best for last. I was invited to a house party of a fabulous Frankfurt girl that everyone loves. She has a heart of gold, and is very kind. Let’s call her “Beauty.” We were sitting in the kitchen, drinking Prosecco and laughing. The doorbell rang, and a few of her friends came in. All of a sudden, Beauty’s face lost its color. Along with the others, a guy that doesn’t deserve to own a proper name, walked into her flat with a strange woman. We all know him as the local communication design conception hip hop psychopath, named after an action hero’s inferior partner. I will call him Can. (Short for garbage can!) Beauty was shocked because they had slept together a few months ago! However, she showed her maturity and let him into her flat. I knew their story. We decided to let the past die and enjoy the evening. After a while, nobody saw Can and that strange alien woman anymore. We searched everywhere for him. We went to her bedroom, and the door was locked. Beauty felt a shiver run down her spine. She pushed the door open… and hell broke loose! She saw Can having sex with the alien woman on her bed! The same bed they were together in a few months ago! Can saw her and jumped in the air, scratching his boiled Frankfurter Würstchen on the edge of the bed! What a scene. I was in shock! The alien was screaming naked on the bed looking for her panties, Beauty was hysteric, Can was running through the flat naked on his way out, and everyone at the party just froze in time – like a scene out of the matrix, except without red or blue pills – just high on good old Frankfurt drama. That’s not all boys and girls. Can ran away naked, and forgot his alien on the bed. She was crying the entire river Main on Beauty’s bed. Of course Beauty didn’t have the heart to throw her out because this poor little alien was young, and didn’t know what a lowlife Can really is. An hour later, as this catastrophe was discussed, it turned out that 3 other women in the party were sleeping with Can – during the same week! And not one knew about the other! He lured them in with nice talk and false expectations! Can knows that he is a cowardly parasite, so he decided to leave Frankfurt in shame and ridicule. It turned out that long ago, a girl hurt his feelings, and damaged his soul for the rest of his life. Poor Can, nobody ever truly loved him, and no one ever will. What a harsh reality that must be for him!

The common factor in all 3 stories is that these men were also victims of their expectations for the love they didn’t receive in the past. Look how this damaged them! The Bad Boys of FFM keep on recycling the women, and these poor girls usually do not know when they are falling into the trap. Why? Because of expectations. Maybe he’s a good one? Maybe he’s the one? I would suggest to go into such encounters keeping in mind the “SEXpectations!” Best is to take it slow and get to know him before. A few extra dates without lovemaking wont hurt you, but might save you weeks of heartache after. Now, are you ready to step into the world’s largest bedroom?… I dare you!

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It’s Friday night, and you are having a cocktail with your girlfriends, chatting about life. Your friend mentions that she is flying to Bali on holiday with her husband for two weeks. Of course you are happy for her, but still something tugs at your heartstrings, wishing that you also had a wonderful partner to enjoy a romantic and relaxing holiday with, not to mention spending hours making love there! After ordering your next Bloody Mary, you tell the girls about the fabulous promotion that your boss gave you today. You have achieved that executive position you always dreamed of having, and the success is finally yours! Out of the corner of your eye, you see your friend looking longingly at you. Little do you know, but she would immediately give everything up, including her Bali trip, to have such a wonderful career as yours! So my dears, which is it that you want? Love, money, or health? Is it possible to have it all?

Most likely, you already have one out of the three. The problem is that usually this is underappreciated, due to the fact that you long for what you do not have. You are not the only one like that. I am as well, and actually almost everyone is like this. You have a wonderful wife? Great, but you spend most of your free time at work, trying to get an even higher salary, and end up ruining your marriage due to lack of time and attention to your woman. Or you are as healthy as an 18-year-old, but jump from job to job, while playing around and breaking hearts. Wishing and lusting for the next adventure? Well, maybe it’s time to stop and think for a minute. Repeat after me: “What do I have, and what do I want?” Set you priorities straight. Sometimes, it is not even necessary to have all three in order to truly be happy!

Love (in its “pure” form) is the ultimate drug that gets you so high, even if you refuse to surrender to it. Gentlemen, you might think that being called “Mr. Bond”, because you are a player, is the highest level of being that you can achieve in life? Sorry, but you are wrong! Once true love gets you, it will dig its long red lacy fingers into your body. Inside, it will eat its way through those pulsating muscles and settle directly in the middle of your live beating heart! And believe me, it will be the best feeling you could ever dream of! Funny, but this thing called love usually comes to the ones that either don’t want it, or are not expecting it. So if you want to have a taste of this hypnotic True-Love-Drug, then stop looking for it… because it will find you!

Success and money however, are two little devils that you actually have to work at achieving. Nothing will come from nothing. I always say the most important step is to start. If you are seeking to achieve, then start doing something, and the rest will open itself up to you. Like the old Russian proverb: “Water doesn’t flow under a rock lying on the ground (Nothing ventured, nothing gained).” It’s strange, but always works out this way: once you start working towards your goal, situations and people will open themselves up to you in order to help you upon your path. Money is nice to have because it helps you to live, but please do not expect that it will bring you the ultimate happiness that you desire.

Health has a life of its own. This Health-Character is strange because he comes and goes as he pleases. Of course you can keep him longer by your side, but he is known to be very unpredictable. My mom always screams at me to do sports, however I am the type that prefers sitting on the couch, eating a Big Mac on the weekend. She says that doing sports will strengthen my immune system and keep me healthier. I always argue with her that doing what you love, like me eating burgers, keeps my soul happy. Doing things that you love makes you happy, and being happy increases your health. Of course she doesn’t buy this argument. So listen to the wiser ones than myself, do some sports, and improve your immune system. Taking Vitamin C everyday is also great. There are definitely things that you can do to increase your health and wellbeing. I always say that having some loving hobby, something that you enjoy from the bottom of your heart, will make you happy and healthy. For me, this is food. Without good health, you cannot enjoy your money, success and love, so this is a very crucial point to work on!

With all that has been said, I ask you to look at yourself and your life now. If you have one of the three (love, money, health), then you are lucky. If you have two out of the three, then consider yourself damn lucky! However, if you have all of the above, then I would like to interview you personally, because this means that you were born with a lucky star and are a very special person! Cherish what you have dear friends! Do not look at others that have more or less than you. (There will always be people that have more or less). Concentrate on your life and make the best out of what was given to you. We often forget how lucky we truly are. Now is the time to be grateful.

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You are sitting in a cozy café with the girls, and yet again, another story is told about how some asshole hurt your friend in a disgusting way. Or perhaps you are fixing an old timer with your pals, and surprise, a story comes up about how some bitch tried to use him for all that he’s got! Is it just my impression, or has the world gone completely insane? It seems like it’s getting worse and worse. (Gay, straight, young or old) Since when was love banished by mankind and replaced with cruelty? I have a feeling that now is the crucial time to take a stand and change yourself for the better!

First of all: STOP. Relax, and sit down. Forget for a moment about your “important” life goals: being successful, rich, important, famous, more beautiful, having the best body, being skinny, looking young, being popular and adored, and and and…my head hurts from just thinking about that damn superficial crap we all worry about having, collecting, being and owning. And yes, I mean “ALL” of us. Every single one of us has some goal/idea/wish we strive to achieve, which we think is crucial to our existence – but is it really that important? No offense, but if you cannot be happy living in a 55 square meter flat, then a 200 square meter penthouse will not bring you that happiness you desperately seek for. Yes it will be spacious and perhaps more chic, but sorry, it will not bring you euphoria. Simple test of that fact: when you get something new, you enjoy it for a while, but after some time the magical appeal disappears, because you have seen something new that you must have! Well guess what? There will always be something “new”… this gruesome circle never stops.

The sick part is that people don’t just do this with “stuff”, but also with each other – treat human beings like objects. The classic sad example is of the “Forever-Bachelor” (plenty of them in our beautiful Frankfurt – we all know them!) who always finds the next girl to display themselves with at parties and events. They have fun with the girl, and then trade her in for another version, showing off to their sleazy buddies that they managed to stay bachelors for their entire life. They will not allow any woman to come into their life, control them, and steal their precious freedom away. Wake-up call: most of them will die single and lonely on their highway to hell. There will not be anyone to give them a Paracetamol when they have a fever, bring them love, joy and share the precious moments in their life. Wow, that sounds like an amazing life. Is that what you really want? Eventually you bachelors will also get old, and then the girls won’t be looking at you anymore. Tough luck buddy, what you give is what you get.

Ladies, we are also getting older. I would suggest you to fall in love with a proper “nice guy” who offers you his heart on a silver platter, instead of chasing these macho morons. We did it in our teens, but now it’s time to switch on the brain, and have a man who will be a good husband and father. Sure James Bond & Co. are handsome and rich, but what will he give you? Days and nights of tears because you can’t ever get to his heart? Is that the future you want? Ladies, it’s time to start making smart decisions. It’s your choice; don’t screw up your life. I am sure that many of you have that nice guy who likes you so much, but he is just “too nice” for you… right? Well take a second look, because those are the guys that will make your life beautiful and wonderful.

What about all of those that complain about having so much to do but so little time? So many people are running around, working like zombies, slaves to their careers, taking things for granted, and not being satisfied with what they have. More, more and more. Greed. They need to be more efficient and effective at work to earn more. Wake up call #2: Stop. Look around and realize how bloody lucky you are to be healthy and alive. Be thankful and stop complaining. Hug the ones you love. Reduce your stress. For time goes by quickly, and soon you will realize that you didn’t put time aside to simply “be” and enjoy the moments with yourself and the ones you love. Sorry but taking your money to the grave with you wont bring you much. Sure, you will bring tons of happiness to your friendly neighborhood grave robbers, but that’s pretty much it. Slow down people. Think your priorities through. Then decide how and what exactly to use your time “efficiently” for.

I don’t want to sound like a hippie in a democratic time, but whether you like it or not, karma is a very real concept, and if you live wrong, it will come and bite you in the ass. I have seen it happen positively and negatively with myself, and the ones that I love. What you do and how you live is what you will get back. Be good, and you will get goodness.

In a strange but sad way, we all have some cruelty within us. No matter how good you think you are, you can always become a better person. Learn how to treat each other with respect and dignity. Get rid of the cruelty and replace it with unconditional love. Oh, this is an extremely hard thing to do, but once you master it, you will see that you don’t even need that fast car you dreamed so much about – because your inner happiness will come from a completely different source. I am not saying that its wrong to have dreams and goals, but please do not make the mistake in thinking that getting a new Aston Martin or larger flat will complete your happiness, because you will be hugely disappointed. Sure, allow yourself some luxuries and treat yourself to nice things, but always remember that these are just “bonuses”, and not the main goal for living your life. It’s never too late to change your priorities and views of life. Do it now before its too late. Big hug to you my dear readers, Gali.

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The roses are in their pretty vases, the chocolates are eaten, the bubbles in the leftover champagne have flown away to the next dimension (aliens celebrate the day after), and of course the hangover is that evil one from hell, which forces you to sleep on your office desk. If you went out with the girls – in order to make the pink hearts everywhere look blurrier with every drink – then I congratulate you on being lucky to have such caring and loving friends that are there for better or worse. The good news is… every day is Love Day!

Many are trained to hate Valentine’s Day. I must stay politically correct and just say “Hm.” Unlike some people believe, it is not just a made-up commercial holiday, but rather a very magical and mysterious day, where important events happened in our history.

Let me introduce you to Saint Valentine. This special pure-hearted man lived in the Roman Empire during the year 270 A.D. Emperor Claudius II wanted to recruit more soldiers into his army, but the men were not willing to leave their families and give up their lives in a war. Due to this, Claudius decided to punish everyone, and banish marriages forever! One day, a brave Saint Valentine, secretly started to conduct marriage ceremonies. Claudius II was enraged when he found out about the hidden marriages, and ordered Valentine to spend the rest of his life in jail. Before he was executed, he wrote a letter to a woman, whose eyesight he miraculously healed. This was the very first “Valentine Card” in history! He signed the card: “Your Valentine.” …and then he was executed.

There was a time during the middle ages where blood was used to write intimate letters to show how sincere, deep and true their love really was. Crazy, isn’t it?! Actually it’s not. True Love has no boundaries, and can be expressed in so many different ways. Back then we used to receive blood letters, and now we should consider ourselves lucky if he remembers to bring a box of chocolates? No ladies, sometimes it is up to us to inspire this feeling of romance within our partner. It’s ok to have a little give and take within any relationship. It’s not always the man who should make the effort.
After trying out the blood-writing thing, I realized quite quickly that the letter will have to be short, otherwise it will be quite a “painful” love letter, excuse the pun. Instead of draining your blood, try to greet him at the door with your favorite lingerie underneath your silky kimono, and don’t forget to have the chicken roasting in the oven. A nice bottle of wine, and some sexy French house will do the trick. I prefer Pink Floyd on my killer speakers, but I’m nerdy in that way. Our men are good to us, so why not be wonderful and spoil them in return? Make the evening-after-love-day so fantastic, that next year he might surprise you with a bloody letter, or a beautiful ring. Do not forget, men connect physically, while women connect emotionally. Try to always keep your love life hot and alive!

I think V-Day is quite nice, but we should not rely on such official days to predetermine our moods, expectations, wishes, desires and feelings of love. It might be cheesy, but I really do believe that everyday is Love Day. And why the hell not? It’s not just about having a romantic partner. It’s about our friends, family, pets, buying new shoes, helping the homeless, donating clothing and food… you can encounter love in a different way, everyday! You must be open to it and try to see the love in such places and situations where you would normally never look.

This weekend, try to do something completely selfless and loving. Help a grandma cross the street, call the relative that you haven’t spoken to in a while and make peace, forgive your ex from the depth of your heart (You don’t have to tell him/her – just do it for yourself!), buy a sandwich and give it to a homeless person, whatever you do – make sure it’s an act of kindness. Keep the spirit of Saint Valentine alive. If you want to, do this everyday for 365 days in a row – one act of kindness per day – and see how your life will change for the better!

And most important of all, get rid of those awful controlling expectations! It’s your ego dominating you. I will share with you what I have noticed lately. The less I have been expecting from people, including my boyfriend, the more I have been presented with acts of love and kindness, gifts, positive surprises, caring gestures, etc. Expectations are evil because if they are not fulfilled, they find a way to sneak into your heart a bite a tiny hole into it. They hurt because they can be so deceiving! Therefore, expect nothing, and be positively surprised. This is especially important for Valentine’s Day. So what if you were not celebrating with your sweetheart last night? It doesn’t matter. We have all been single on Valentine’s Day – myself more times than I would like to remember, but who cares? Maybe you will meet your true love next week, and have your own version of Valentine’s Day next month! The point is that you have loving people around you who bring much goodness and positivity into your life. Do not worry, romantic love will come… when you least expect it! Remember my words.

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