July 2013

This goes out to our emotional ones. Fortunately and unfortunately I belong to this group. Fortunately because us sensitive types feel emotions quite deeply, are compassionate, empathetic, and caring. Unfortunately because we take things too closely to the heart, get hurt very easily and sometimes carry the sorrows of the world upon our shoulders. We tend to worry a lot, get offended quite easily, and in general, allow people to hurt us. The way I see it is that we emotional/sensitive types have a big karmic lesson to learn: to take things easier, and be able to let go when needed!

What do I mean by “Let it go?” For example, you hear that someone said something bad about you. Or when you have an argument with your partner, you might be tempted to go on fighting until s/he realizes that you are right, and not them. You do something really wonderful for someone, and they don’t appreciate it. You have a fight with your mom or best friend, your boss screams at you, you get shoved on the train, and almost fall down. The guy you really like has not called back in over two weeks. Whatever the case is, it upsets you. Perhaps like myself, you might have difficulties to let things go. I know that sometimes a situation can hurt me very much, and this will sit for quite a long time in my heart, and keep me sad for days and weeks.

I think it’s time to turn on the survival instincts, and learn to let thing go easier. Whether we like it or not, keeping all of this crap inside our hearts only hurts and damages us more. By keeping this nonsense within us, we only give more power to those that gossip about us, hurt us, and try to bring us down. I have no clue why people consciously try to hurt others for no reason – especially bitchiness and gossip between women! What I do know is that if we continue to take this too personally, and allow this to hurt/damage us, then these bullies end up winning.

My friend Jilli had a horrible female stalker, let’s call her the old New Witch. This Witch verbally attacked her in public, trying to sabotage Jilli’s career and fame. The New Witch is a sad and pathetic case. She is bitter because of her own tragic failures. She lost man after man in her life due her own psychotic hysterics, she has no female friends, half of Frankfurt hates her, and she gets worse every year. She cheats with other people’s husbands! She simply lost her mind many years ago, and cannot get back to reality. One day, she heard of Jilli and her success, and the jealousy started to eat the New Witch from the inside out! She wants what Jilli has. The crazy thing is that this psycho doesn’t even know Jilli!! The old witch even “threatened” to seduce her handsome boyfriend, which made Jilli laugh and almost fall off the couch. This old witch has nothing left anymore. She hangs on a thin thread of sadness, jealousy, bitterness, and knows that in a few years, it will be over for her. Let it go old witch! She lived an evil life, being bad to everyone, and now she gets it all back.

“In one ear, and out of the other” – I admire people that can let things go easily. In my case, it goes into one ear, travels through to the brain, and starts an entire emotional dialogue with the heart. After the heart has registered the hurt, it travels to my stomach, where it gives me pain, and after a while, when the damage is done, it slowly disappears through tears. It’s time to cut the crap and nonsense out of our lives. What about leaving emotions and feelings for the positive things in our lives? The bad ones did not deserve this kindness from us. Let them rot in hell where they belong. We are children of the light, and this dirt shall not touch us anymore. I have also observed that when involved in a discussion, sometimes you have to be the smarter one and stop. If you see that the other is not open to communication, then give it up, and let the topic rest. You can always make your point at a later time, when emotions have calmed down.

People like this lonely New Witch can be found all over the world. They come as a test for us to see how we deal with such creatures and situations. They will try to tease, hurt, harass, manipulate, and test us. So how will we react? Will we allow them to bother us? Or rather, do we laugh at them and go on? Evil does not like smiles. This aggravates it! Never give into its temptations. Don’t react, and do not let it seep into your heart. Block it immediately with a smile. When you do this, the evil has not chance to go further. Smile, turn around and walk away. “Be Teflon”, and let this dirty negativity slide right off of you. Don’t even bother letting it into the one ear. My best friend Leo says the best action is no reaction whatsoever.

By letting go, it does not mean that you are being weak, and allowing the other to win and take control. Quite the opposite actually. By letting go, you are being smart, and loving yourself. You are protecting yourself from useless waste. You put yourself beyond it, and not allow it/him/her to hurt you. You are the smarter one. What do you think? Is it worth to take this garbage into your heart, and let it hurt you, or does it pay off to just let it go? And will letting go help you to move on and become stronger? These are the mysteries of our mind and soul. I guess no one has the perfect answer, but you can protect yourself by cutting out and ignoring what you don’t need in your life.

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After spending long hours observing people in different places and situations, it occurred to me: why are so many people not smiling anymore? I constantly see depressed, angry and dissatisfied faces on the streets, trains, restaurants, etc. Not often do I see happy faces with genuine, bright and big smiles. Where did those open, heart-warming smiles that melt-the-worries away, disappear to? Is smiling out, or are people scared of wrinkles? I think it’s time to bring joy and happiness back on the menu!

Have you noticed that happiness is rarely a topic of conversation these days? How many times lately did you meet up with friends and hear stories about something bad happening? How often do you hear stories about amazing wonderful things happening to others that truly inspire you? Unfortunately these days, we encounter more negativity than positivity. Look around you next time on the street and observe people’s face… it’s as if they have grown a permanent frown!

We all have baggage and problems that we have to deal with, along with the normal daily grind, but how do we want to go through the process? Depressed, or positively motivated to find a good solution? Can it be that we are subconsciously blocking our happiness? Lately I have heard over 100 conversations about how awful the weather is. They use the bad weather as an excuse to be grumpy. The rain is not so bad. Try opening your window, lying in bed, and listening to the rain coming down. It’s very soothing, therapeutic and quite lovely. We must try to make the unpleasant things in life somehow manageable for us. We must learn to love ourselves. By the way, don’t worry, the sun has not left the Universe, it is just waiting for all of us to stop complaining.

A good friend of mine, let’s call him Mr. Chillax, recently lost his company, went through insolvency, suffered through a breakup, and lost most of his money. This was a huge shock to him. What would you do in his case? Well, Mr. Chillax walked around with a smile upon his handsome face. He was not in denial or pushing the truth away, quite the opposite, he decided not to give up. I was so impressed with his heroic behavior. I prepared myself for the worse with him, and he surprised us all by showing us how dear his life was to him. He earned my respect forever! It’s much harder to stay positive during tough times, rather than falling into the deep, dark hole that starts in your mind, and ends up sucking you into the hell fires of depression. Now Mr. Chillax has a wonderful job, a loving girlfriend, and is slowly saving for the future. I think that everything happened for a reason, because his life is much better now than it was when he had his company. He was rewarded because he stayed strong and did not lose his faith during the hard times!

Sometimes plans do not work out as we intended them to be, we lose our savings and/or businesses, not to mention jobs we love so much. We go through breakups, divorces and illnesses. We get used and accused, judged and beaten by life. We undergo suffering, pain and sometimes even humiliation. So how do you want to deal with all of this crap? The way I see it is that we only really have two options. 1. We dwell upon our pain/sadness and feel sorry for ourselves, waiting for the pity of others. (This turns us into our own victims.) Or: 2. We make a choice to be happy and fight for ourselves. A friend of mine, Leo, always say, “Pity you can get for free, but jealousy must be earned.”

Even if the soul doesn’t want to laugh, there are tricks to keep us happy: eating your favorite food, and not counting calories, spoiling yourself with a tiny little gift, meeting up with your best friend for a delicious glass of apple wine, taking time for your hobbies, etc. Do whatever makes you happy. What works for me – especially if I’m in a bad/sad mood – is to put on my favorite song, and force myself to dance and sing like crazy! At first it feels strange, but then I get into a good mood! This is the Law of Attraction: happiness attracts happiness. Sometimes you must force yourself to think happy thoughts and feel happiness, in order to attract more of it into your life. Its either this, or let yourself sink in misery. The choice is really yours. Fight for yourself, and make yourself happy. This doesn’t mean that you must push your problems away. This means that you have to make a plan to attack your problems with a positive attitude!

I was going through a break up a few years ago, and was feeling awful. My heart was torn into a million pieces. I was moping around my flat for weeks. I did not want to go out, or see anyone. I was comfortable in my sanctuary at home in my pink pyjama. My mom came to visit me and started screaming at me. I was so shocked! I thought: why the hell is she being so mean to me? I am going through such an emotionally hard time. She is making me feel even worse! She said, “Galia, it’s enough! How much longer will you sit here crying for a man that did not even appreciate you? No one died! Go wash your hair, put on something nice, we are going out!” I tried to resist, but my mom wouldn’t accept it. I was forced to make myself look human again and leave the flat. This was the best thing that could of happened to me. My mom said that being a good friend doesn’t mean to give pity, but rather to kick ass/motivate and help. “You poor thing” and crying together wont help! You must force yourself/friends to move on and be happy again! This is called survival, and loving yourself. Let’s try to make the effort to be happy. How can we start? With a beautiful, genuine, and warm smile!

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Love is a wonderful thing, because it inspires one to be the best they can be. However, love alone is not enough to fuel the flames of a relationship. For this, love’s best friend “Communication” must come in and do it’s support work.

Will we fight for love, or has the world become completely cynical? Unfortunately today, more people tend to break up, rather than fight for their love. It’s almost as if we are losing our energy and willpower to hold onto this concept. Giving it up and resting for a bit sounds like a true relief. “So what?” we think, surely the next one, or even a better one shall come along? However, that is not always the case. When did we lose our ability to open our mouths and communicate to our partner what we need, feel and think?

An acquaintance of mine, lets call her Carla, is married to a national football player. When they first met, they were crazy about each other. They had wild passionate sex in every place imaginable! After a while, the sex went from everyday, to twice a week, and eventually twice a month. It was horrible! Carla felt rejected and unattractive. This pushed her to do strange diets, which made her walk around constantly hungry and aggressive. Her self-esteem literally vanished, and she even considered some unnecessary plastic surgery to make her husband hungry for her again! One day, we were having lunch, and I told her to sit down and talk to him like she was doing with me. I told her to pretend that he is just her friend, and spill her guts out to him. Carla was horrified at this idea, thinking that he will use her honesty against her in some future argument, or that he will think that she is weak and pathetic. I said if that’s the case, then she has nothing to lose, and must talk to him. So finally she had the nerves to do this. After a bottle of Barolo, Carla opened up her heart to him. She told him things that she never told another living soul! She told him about her insecurity and fear of losing him. He was sure that yet another hysterical fit will start at any minute, but it didn’t. Her honest and calm way of speaking both surprised him, and deeply touched his heart. He admitted to her that he was depressed because she always walked around the house angry, and didn’t seem to notice him at all anymore. Plus she lost so much weight, and he missed her curvier figure. Carla was so happy to hear this! At the end, both were suffering from the same reason. Lack of communication and openness! Ever since that conversation, they have kept their communication lines open, and are happier now than ever! They saved their love!

Many reasons influence the lack of communication with partners. Perhaps the fear of losing your partner affects your willingness for open talking, or not wanting to argue, yet again? For example, you two are going out for dinner and you make yourself beautiful. He comes home after a long day at work, gets ready for the dinner, and doesn’t comment on how fabulous you look. You ask yourself, “Why doesn’t he compliment me anymore?” This makes you sad. You are quieter than usual the entire dinner, and he senses the tension between you. He asks what’s wrong, and you say…”Nothing.” Ladies, we have all been there. Maybe not in this exact situation, but we have all been guilty of saying, “Nothing is wrong”, when in reality, you want to hit him on the head with your purse, like those grandmothers in the classic movies. Wouldn’t it be nice if men were really as psychic as we wish them to be? In reality, they have no clue what the hell is going on in our heads when we say, “Nothing is wrong”, while we are boiling inside. Of course it’s easier to go and complain to our friends about him, but this will not solve the problem. Instead, take the situation into your hands and do something about it. Tell him what’s wrong…

With every unshared misunderstanding, you add “frustration drops” into an invisible bucket. Eventually it gets too full, and starts spilling over, until it floods everything. Meaning, all the crap adds up, until it eventually blows up into a huge argument, which may lead to a separation. The worst is talking about personal things like bodily hygiene, money issues, illnesses, criticism, etc. But in order for the relationship to work, you must find the strength within you to address such issues. Open communication does not equate to personal attacks. Try to tell him how you feel in a calm and rational manner. I made the observation and experience that men simply shut down at displays of unruly emotions, extreme bitchiness, hysterics, screams and accusations. If you start the conversation with, “We need to talk”, then consider their system shut down immediately. Pick a time when both are in a good mood, have a drink together, and start the conversation in a calm and collected way. Do not do this directly after a fight, because both sides are angry, and open communication will not work. Hurtful words will be said because that’s when the evil ego is at its strongest. Wait until the emotions and temper have cooled down. Never attack. Speak calmly with respect and confidence.

You should be able to communicate well with your partner, and share your sorrows. Santa Clause won’t help you, really, I tried that. He just shrugged. The nerve of the grey bearded-man! Open your mouth and talk. Try to get over the stupid ego and open yourself up to your partner. If they truly love you, they wont judge you. By the way, same rules apply for friendships, work situations, family, etc. Be the smart one, and start a new path of open communication with the ones you love. It’s worth it! Besides, you will see what a huge relief it is to share your thoughts, feeling and fears. Learn to communicate openly, and the world shall be yours!

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I remember when I was a teenager in Toronto, my girlfriends and I had our first fake IDs made to get into clubs and parties. We couldn’t wait until our 18th birthday, and tried everything to look older. Make-up, higher heels, and sophisticated clothing. Now we are double that age, and try to do everything to look younger. Funny thing that we use the same tricks to try and turn back the aging-clock: Make-up, higher heels, and sophisticated clothing. Why did we not realize how amazing it was to be young and enjoy our childhood? Why did we always want to be older?

Society expects us to be responsible. Grow up fast, get an education, find a partner, have children, take care of them, get old, retire and die. So when do we actually have the chance to live out our dreams, and have fun? As a child you are not aware of the freedom that you have. You simply grow and become an adult. Well my dear adults, now that you are finally “there”, it’s time to reverse the process, start believing in Fairytales again, and awaken your inner child. Yes, s/he is still in there, but most likely has been sleeping for the last decades. Let’s wake it up, and see what new adventures the world has to offer us!

A common problem is that people are scared to be judged by society. What will people say if they see me like this? This reminds me of a date that I had a few years ago. I met a guy at an event in Frankfurt. Let’s call him “Mr. Cool”. On our first date, we went for a nice summer walk. Along the way, I saw a fun playground. I don’t know what has gotten into me, but I ran towards it, and decided to climb the monkey bars, run on the overhead ladder, go on the swings… you get the point. I ran around acting like a crazy kid. I glanced at Mr. Cool, and I cannot even describe the look he gave me. A mix of “Jesus-what-the-hell-are-you-doing-get-off-that-swing-immediately!” and “I-don’t-know-this-crazy-girl-she-is-such-a-weirdo” look. To be honest, at that moment I didn’t even care what the ice block Mr. Cool was thinking about me, because I was having so much fun. He came to me, and I thought that he will finally join me on the swing, but instead he said, “Galia, stop it! This is embarrassing! I am a famous actor (He is indeed a well-known German actor), what will people think of me when they see me making a fool of myself on this playground?” Right at that point, I realized that it will never work out between us. Money and fame aside, if the guy cannot be easy-going and appreciate the simple joys in life, then he is not for me. Fun is not just eating at expensive restaurants, but also doing silly things like jumping on a swing together. I politely walked with him back to where we met, said goodbye, smiled, and left as quickly as possible. Why do some people take themselves so seriously? Do we really have to stick to these rigid “Adult behavior rules”, or can we sometimes let our inner child out to play? Mr. Cool called the next day to invite me to dinner, but I told him that my heart was not in it. I could not pretend to be someone that I’m not. I was looking for the one that would climb the monkey bars with me, laughing and being crazy together like children.

That is not to say that we have to ignore our responsibilities, quite the contrary! We have to enjoy ourselves and have fun while achieving our goals and tasks. When you do something with a happy heart, your task becomes a pleasure, and the result will be better. For example, if you are cleaning your car, draw funny figures on the dirty window, and send a picture of it to your loved one. If you have to clean your flat, put on some loud music and run around the house doing funny dances, while cleaning. Do what you can to make the task more fun. I know that daily stress due to work and personal issues can bring a huge amount of pressure upon us, but we must try to do our best to make this process easier for us. Being hard on yourself will not make the problems go away. You must give your “Adult-self” a chance to rest and rethink how you can ease the pressure with a good strategy. Try doing something fun, different, childish and funny in order to bring your mind to positive thoughts. Maybe then, new problem-solving ideas will come to you! The easiest way to begin is by smiling more often.

The older I get, the more I realize how special the time was when I was a child. Free of worries, free of fear, free to live and enjoy! It’s time to bring back the innocence, joy and pure form of fun. Purity. The world is missing this. We need to go back to the basics before we had the car, the mortgage, and the debts. We have to try to capture that feeling of pure joy that we once felt as children. There is much evil and hatred out there. Just turn on the news. Every day another catastrophe. Let’s try to be children of light, instead of darkness. You can enjoy by doing the simplest of things. Remember how excited we used to be when walking with our parents in the forest, looking for mushrooms? Or making homemade cookies with our grandmother, and eating them with our friends? Try to capture this feeling again.

Maybe these few ideas can help: look at photos of your childhood, play board games, take walks around fun places, go to an amusement park, throw out the “cool” attitude/personality, and be who you are, live more in the present, sing funny songs, draw, paint (even if you cant do it well!) be curious, ask questions, daydream, try doing the things you loved to do as a kid, play video games, and most important of all, never say “I’m too old”. The child within you is waiting to come out and play. So go ahead, be silly. No one is watching! And if they do, who cares?

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Scenario: You are at a party. Someone says something, and you add your opinion to it. As soon as the words come out of your mouth, people look strangely at you… and you feel like such a weird nerd. Sounds familiar? If no, then you are damn lucky! For those that answered yes, and feel in general that they have always been different, then these written words are for you.

I would like to introduce myself again. My name is Galia Brener, and in school people called me “Pepperoni pizza”. I had horrible acne. Grotesque pimples decorated my face, chest and back. I used to cover half of my face with my hair, and walk around like “Cousin It”. I still have scars on my face and chest. Up until a few years ago, I would conceal this with heavy makeup, but now, I just don’t give a damn anymore. Too many years of crying for nothing!

You feel/think that: You are overweight? You have acne? You are too short? Too tall? Too skinny? Not smart or pretty enough? You feel like an alien alone on this planet because you’re different? Don’t worry, you are not alone. Listen to Pepperoni Pizza’s advice: Who cares what the others say or think. BE WHO YOU ARE, and be proud of it! “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” That’s my favorite Oscar Wilde quote. In a strange and cool way, you are unique and perfect exactly as you are! Walk with your head high, and a smile on your face.

These insecurities take lots of joy and happiness away from us. For the first 20 years of my life I felt terrible about my face. Eventually, I got so sick and tired of hiding behind my hair and makeup. Those are just “illusions”. Even through the makeup, one could see the scars and acne. And even through the baggy long clothing, one can see your full curvy (beautiful!) body. So how long are we going to hide behind these “protectors”? And is this really protecting us, or making our insecurities worse? One day I said to myself, enough with this damn crap, and decided to simply be who I am. I cut the hair away from my face, threw out my heavy studio makeup, and had my first normal walk outside.

My friend “Honey” is a European size 44, and is drop-dead gorgeous! She dated a man that treated her very badly. He always called her fat. Finally she had the courage to banish him out of her life. She was depressed, and ate chocolate day and night to comfort her soul. Being a good friend, I ate the kilos of chocolate with her, while crying and laughing together. After we both gained one more clothing size, we decided to go to a party. Honey saw a tall, handsome, olive-skinned man with eyes as bright as the Jaguar XKR-S French Racing Blue color! He is a well-known basketball star (Let’s call him J). She fell in love at first sight! Later on, he approached her with a glass of wine, and they spent the rest of the evening chatting. Today they are still happy together. Sadly, Honey continues with her diets. She looses and gains weight, but J never cares about it. He loves her for who she is. The only person that cares about the weight is Honey herself. That’s a damn shame, because she is curvy and beautiful, but doesn’t see or feel it.

So who really notices your imperfections? YOU! You are your worst enemy. Just like I was mine. I hated my pimples, so I squeeze them. Unfortunately that made them even worse! It was disgusting and awful. I was trapped in my own dark hell inside of my head. What helped me later was to acknowledge and concentrate on my strengths! Are you good at art, cooking, sports, singing, etc? If so, spend more time doing these things, and less time criticizing yourself. Do not constantly talk about your flaws with others. Instead, mention your good traits!

Here are a few steps that helped me to overcome my insecurity issues. 1: Ignore non-constructive insults, judgments and criticism about you and your body. 2: Let go of past garbage. Simply let it leave your mind and heart. 3: Don’t always try to please others. If they don’t like you after you tried to be good to them, then it’s their problem! 4: Avoid negative people. Keep them out of your life! 5: Stop your negative thoughts. As soon as they start, block them by thinking of something completely different. Don’t give such destructive thoughts a chance to upset you! 6: Be who you are. Stop comparing yourself to others. Don’t copy others. If you like odd clothing, then wear them. If you want to skip and hop instead of walk, then do it. Don’t care whatsoever what people think. As long as you are not hurting anyone, then you are ok. 7: Attack your worries and fears. Face them head-on! I hated going out into the sunlight with my acne because everyone could see it. I spent my days at home after school, like a damn vampire. So sad and pathetic. Enough! Face your fears! Buy that sexy dress, even if you feel that you are too curvy for it. Just do it, and wear it with pride! 8: Learn to love yourself. You are the only one that can heal yourself. Be good to yourself, respect yourself, and believe me, everyone else will as well! Show others how you want to be treated. 9: Set goals for yourself, and when you achieve them, reward and treat yourself. 10: Become more positive in your thoughts and actions. Be happy! Once you feel strong inside, please help others to get to such a wonderful place as well. Look outside at what is happening in this world. We are there to help each other. But before we can do so, we must start by helping ourselves. I wish you lots of good luck, strength and energy for your mission. Everything will be ok!

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