Communicate yourself to happiness!

Communicate yourself to happiness!

Communicate yourself to happiness! 640 250 Galia Brener

Love is a wonderful thing, because it inspires one to be the best they can be. However, love alone is not enough to fuel the flames of a relationship. For this, love’s best friend “Communication” must come in and do it’s support work.

Will we fight for love, or has the world become completely cynical? Unfortunately today, more people tend to break up, rather than fight for their love. It’s almost as if we are losing our energy and willpower to hold onto this concept. Giving it up and resting for a bit sounds like a true relief. “So what?” we think, surely the next one, or even a better one shall come along? However, that is not always the case. When did we lose our ability to open our mouths and communicate to our partner what we need, feel and think?

An acquaintance of mine, lets call her Carla, is married to a national football player. When they first met, they were crazy about each other. They had wild passionate sex in every place imaginable! After a while, the sex went from everyday, to twice a week, and eventually twice a month. It was horrible! Carla felt rejected and unattractive. This pushed her to do strange diets, which made her walk around constantly hungry and aggressive. Her self-esteem literally vanished, and she even considered some unnecessary plastic surgery to make her husband hungry for her again! One day, we were having lunch, and I told her to sit down and talk to him like she was doing with me. I told her to pretend that he is just her friend, and spill her guts out to him. Carla was horrified at this idea, thinking that he will use her honesty against her in some future argument, or that he will think that she is weak and pathetic. I said if that’s the case, then she has nothing to lose, and must talk to him. So finally she had the nerves to do this. After a bottle of Barolo, Carla opened up her heart to him. She told him things that she never told another living soul! She told him about her insecurity and fear of losing him. He was sure that yet another hysterical fit will start at any minute, but it didn’t. Her honest and calm way of speaking both surprised him, and deeply touched his heart. He admitted to her that he was depressed because she always walked around the house angry, and didn’t seem to notice him at all anymore. Plus she lost so much weight, and he missed her curvier figure. Carla was so happy to hear this! At the end, both were suffering from the same reason. Lack of communication and openness! Ever since that conversation, they have kept their communication lines open, and are happier now than ever! They saved their love!

Many reasons influence the lack of communication with partners. Perhaps the fear of losing your partner affects your willingness for open talking, or not wanting to argue, yet again? For example, you two are going out for dinner and you make yourself beautiful. He comes home after a long day at work, gets ready for the dinner, and doesn’t comment on how fabulous you look. You ask yourself, “Why doesn’t he compliment me anymore?” This makes you sad. You are quieter than usual the entire dinner, and he senses the tension between you. He asks what’s wrong, and you say…”Nothing.” Ladies, we have all been there. Maybe not in this exact situation, but we have all been guilty of saying, “Nothing is wrong”, when in reality, you want to hit him on the head with your purse, like those grandmothers in the classic movies. Wouldn’t it be nice if men were really as psychic as we wish them to be? In reality, they have no clue what the hell is going on in our heads when we say, “Nothing is wrong”, while we are boiling inside. Of course it’s easier to go and complain to our friends about him, but this will not solve the problem. Instead, take the situation into your hands and do something about it. Tell him what’s wrong…

With every unshared misunderstanding, you add “frustration drops” into an invisible bucket. Eventually it gets too full, and starts spilling over, until it floods everything. Meaning, all the crap adds up, until it eventually blows up into a huge argument, which may lead to a separation. The worst is talking about personal things like bodily hygiene, money issues, illnesses, criticism, etc. But in order for the relationship to work, you must find the strength within you to address such issues. Open communication does not equate to personal attacks. Try to tell him how you feel in a calm and rational manner. I made the observation and experience that men simply shut down at displays of unruly emotions, extreme bitchiness, hysterics, screams and accusations. If you start the conversation with, “We need to talk”, then consider their system shut down immediately. Pick a time when both are in a good mood, have a drink together, and start the conversation in a calm and collected way. Do not do this directly after a fight, because both sides are angry, and open communication will not work. Hurtful words will be said because that’s when the evil ego is at its strongest. Wait until the emotions and temper have cooled down. Never attack. Speak calmly with respect and confidence.

You should be able to communicate well with your partner, and share your sorrows. Santa Clause won’t help you, really, I tried that. He just shrugged. The nerve of the grey bearded-man! Open your mouth and talk. Try to get over the stupid ego and open yourself up to your partner. If they truly love you, they wont judge you. By the way, same rules apply for friendships, work situations, family, etc. Be the smart one, and start a new path of open communication with the ones you love. It’s worth it! Besides, you will see what a huge relief it is to share your thoughts, feeling and fears. Learn to communicate openly, and the world shall be yours!

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