dating

Did a cheater break your heart?
Did a cheater break your heart? 1200 400 Galia Brener

Like I always say, love is a bitch. She mysteriously appears out of no where, forces herself into your nicely balanced life, punches you in the face until you are drunk enough not to know anything anymore and makes you helplessly addicted to her high. Unfortunately this bitch also has the habit of disappearing, leaving you with a half-beating shattered heart, and a painful anxiety that you would not even wish upon the devil himself. This is a very serious issue and I will be quite harsh in this article. It’s about survival and the necessity to heal and move on.

 

A few months ago, I met up with the girls for a delicious Sunday brunch. The door to the restaurant opened, and Jilli walked in, looking very upset. Her eyes were swollen, and she looked like she was about to collapse at any second. I felt my heart skip a beat because I knew something was very wrong. She looked up at us, her beautiful turquoise eyes filled with tears, and said, “We broke up.” I almost spilled my hot coffee allover myself. Jilli and her now “ex” boyfriend were our example that true love really does exist. My sunny-side up eggs arrived, but I couldn’t eat them. I took a bite and felt the egg sticking to my throat. I asked her what happened. This question made Jilli’s tears roll violently down her face, and she told us that he cheated on her in the cruelest way. It was emotional and psychological cheating. (Maybe even physical cheating, but she didn’t know for sure, because he was a liar!) He was chatting to other women on WhatsApp. He was also sending photo albums and writing love letters to his ex – saying what a good couple they still were, how much he missed her, was thinking about her and even crying because of these memories! He wrote the cheating letter a few hours before entering Jilli’s bed and having sex with her! He didn’t tell Jilli about this, he kept it a dark secret. How sick and cruel!

 

How could this person betray such a special love? She was ready to marry him and have his children. If the ex wouldn’t forward Jilli this email, she would never know that she was living with a betraying cheater! He had a long disgusting history of cheating. Actually he cheated on all his girlfriends, but Jilli thought that with her it would be different. She was terribly wrong! When Jilli confronted him about the cheating, he played the sick helpless victim role, saying how much he loved her, promising her lies in the air that he will never do it again, that he wants to marry her and she’s the only one for him! He even involved her mother, her best friend and his mother in his sick games! Blah, blah, blah, he said the same lying shit to his exes before. He said that he learned from his mistake, yet he did the same thing to Jilli! He said an emotional situation in the family made him write this email. Pathetic excuse! So what would happen now? Every time he had an emotional situation in his life, Jilli should be afraid that he would cheat on her again? She doesn’t need a weak man without a backbone! A snake doesn’t change its personality. I told Jilli, “Once a cheater, always a cheater!”

 

She asked me what to do, because she knows my story from many years ago. I’ve had my heart brutally destroyed once as well. Like Jilli, I thought that my world was demolished, and what I loved was being ripped out of my body alive. Months went by, and the pain did not subside. One day while crying in the kitchen, something strange happened; for a millisecond, I felt deep inside myself that if I wont finally deal with this crap, it will deal with me – in a very bad way. Constant painful emotions can lead to physical illness. The hard truth is that nobody needs a sick person. This brought out the fear, and self-protection in me, and I finally woke up. I entered survival-mode.

 

How did I heal my broken heart? I started loving myself more than I loved him. That’s it. That’s the trick. What does this mean? It means that soulmate or not, you have to take all the love you have for him, and turn it upon yourself, because you must survive this terror. You have no other choice, because if you don’t switch survival-mode on, this pain might destroy you. I have seen people turning to angry bitter monsters because of broken hearts. I have even heard of people falling into deep helpless depressions and not coming out of it for years! Is that what you want? To be stuck in hell for years obsessing about some jerk that cheated and doesn’t deserve you? That’s abandonment and betrayal and such a person is not entitled to your love – you are the one who deserves your love now!

 

Loving yourself more means living for yourself. Take the first few months to be selfish by doing what you want and when you want it. Your friends and family will understand if you explain to them. Learn to say “No” to others. Loving yourself is also controlling yourself – your thoughts and emotions. As soon as you think of how you miss him, counteract the thought with a thought of a bad thing that he did to you. Remember the bad stuff? It was not only rainbows. Loving yourself is being strong! You can cry for some weeks, but one day you have to get up, find your courage and start respecting yourself again. Loving yourself means fighting for yourself to become happy again. It means not letting yourself sink in the misery of your negative and depressive feelings. If he was weak and didn’t fight for you, doesn’t mean that you also have to be weak and not fight for yourself. If you have a dog or a child, would you allow someone to hurt them, while standing and watching? No! You would jump in, and save them from this evil. Well, imagine yourself jumping in and saving yourself. That’s what you have to do now, save yourself.

 

Life is too damn short to cry over idiots who take us for granted, cheat on us, don’t appreciate us and actually do not even deserve us. Never ever give your power away by letting someone bring you down so low, that you cannot feel “happiness” anymore. How the hell does he still deserve love from you after hurting you like that? He doesn’t deserve it and never will again. You deserve your own love now! ♥

 

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Can you live without Love?
Can you live without Love? 1200 400 Galia Brener

You can’t live with her you can’t live without her. Sometimes you even compromise yourself, your beliefs, your morals and values – in order to have this thing in your life. Her name is Love, and she is a ruthless, egoistic maniac, who will show you what living is all about. She will make the blood rush in your peaceful veins, the adrenalin pump through your guts, and she will even cause your heart to hurt, and almost burst out of your body. But despite all of the ups and downs, the pain and sorrows, good and bad moments, we still yearn for this bittersweet Lady Love to come knocking on our door.

 

My friend Heather was telling me about her long lost love. They were together for 8 years. I still do not have a clue how they made it together for so long – that can only be explained due to magic! Those two are complete opposites of each other. He is serious and conservative, and she is a party queen that can disappear for three days in a row, and come back with stories about meeting the devil himself! They are two squares that make a circle together. They both suffered and enjoyed so much in this relationship – so many makeups and breakups. Slamming doors, tears, screaming, arguing, makeup sex, passion, understanding, romance, miscommunication, desire, fights, compliments, insults, blame and support. They couldn’t live without each other. The love was far from perfect, but so intense! Unfortunately the love came to an end when one of them cheated and a child was made. Heather still speaks of him with tears in her eyes. She told me that she will never forgot him until she dies. Sad. How could it be that something so strong and intense simply breaks in half?

 

We live in a society where giving up is easier than ordering a stinky anchovies pizza. We have to fight for our Lady Love because believe me, if we wont, there will be someone else out there who will gladly give her what she needs, and then she’s gone! That’s life. Things get taken for granted. One day it’s an earth-shattering love, and the next day your best friend is moving into a villa together with your ex husband – whom you still love, but don’t admit. Don’t be a fool, open your heart and tell them that you still love them. You never know… you might save that special love, or otherwise regret it your entire life! Heather regrets it until this day that she had the chance to save her love, but her ego wouldn’t allow her to do so.

 

If love is really such a bitch, than why do we come back for more? Because we are human, and humans were not made to be alone. You can ask the biggest player in his sad, weak moment, and even he will tell you that he wants to have a big love. Unfortunately in the last decades, love was made to appear as something cheesy, for the ultra sappy. It’s totally insane, but being a single, successful, good-looking, strong and not-so-emotional woman these days is considered “cooler” than being a women ridiculously in love – who sends sweet messages to her partner, talks about him all the time with big glittery in-love eyes and draws hearts beside him name. Since when did love get such a negative weak reputation?

 

I know a woman who does this to me – behind my back. Every time I speak to my man in a sweet and loving tone, she turns around and pretends to put her fingers in her throat. Then she says, “Oh Galia, get over it, this is so cheesy. Wake up from your annoying pink bubble, because you are making us puke. It’s all fake!” Eventually I have learned to just look at her and laugh. Poor girl. Where is this reaction coming from – Jealousy? Bitterness? Loneliness? Lack of goodness and purity in her heart? Who the hell knows! Love is a bitch to everyone – but if she can’t get up after being shot down by Lady Love (like all of us), then she will definitely fry in her dark pan like a raw chewy octopus for years to come.

 

Love is a bitch. She gets us all. Some are scared of Lady Love, some run after her, but never catch her. Some try to avoid her, and ironically get thrown into her arms. There is no way of avoiding this mysterious Lady. After we have been beaten by Love, we have two choices: 1. We crawl into our shell and not let anyone hurt us ever again – meaning that we never experience love again! 2. Or we crawl out of our shell – after properly licking our wounds, and try to ride Lady Love again. Do you really want to miss out on the excitement of which freaks you shall meet next? The Freakazoid fun is so priceless! I’m kidding. But on a more serious note, it’s definitely worth trying to find your true love again, even if you have been incredibly hurt in the past. Maybe next time you shall get lucky and meet “The One”? I believe that only the ones with faith will get a true taste of Lady Love. It’s like Russian roulette. Love is a bitch, but we all need her in our lives. She is addictive. She is magical, unforgettable… and she’s coming to get you!

 

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Are you dating a bad person… again?
Are you dating a bad person… again? 803 1200 Galia Brener

Have you ever thought, “Oh great, the same shit and asshole again!” Do you keep on meeting guys that end up playing and hurting you? Or do you meet women that use you, or cheat on you? Do you sometime feel that the world has ran out of good people to date, and you are left with the broken, damaged crap that no one else wants? Many of us experience the same dating catastrophes over and over again! However, is it really the fact that all the good ones are taken already, or have we simply not learned from our past mistakes? Perhaps the problem lies within us and not them – especially if we experience the same issues with different people!

 

My friend Heather started dating a new guy three months ago. Everything was going so perfectly at the beginning. He was writing and calling her daily, spending lots of time with her, adored and gave her many compliments, and invited her to romantic dates. She was on cloud nine, and felt that her life couldn’t get any better. The third month came along, and the same familiar arguments and fights started. She said, “Gali, I can’t believe that he turned on me like that! It was so amazing, and now the same nightmare started again like with my ex!” Similar issues and disagreements came up. She felt like she was reliving the same bad horror show, but with a different man! Again the same lack of attention and affection, less calls and contact, the same disrespect and the same distancing started to happen. She felt her man slip slowly away through her fingers, and she couldn’t hold onto him any longer.

 

Unfortunately the hardest part is the realization that we are the common denominator in all of our relationships. Either we choose the wrong people to date, or we make the same mistakes over and over again. If you realize that you always have bad issues with partners, then it’s time to take a serious look within yourself, because it might be something that we are doing wrong and not them.

 

It’s crucial to examine the mistakes you made in your past relationships. For example, were you often jealous with not much reason, or got stuck onto words said without much thought? Did you often walk with your ego a meter ahead of you, and defended yourself like in a war at every argument? Or were you not sympathetic enough to your partner? Were you too clingy, or simply not attentive enough? Did you evoke unnecessary drama or often felt insulted? Were you a good listener? Did you cheat on your love? Were there ridiculous expectations or assumptions? This is a very hard trying to do, but try to examine where you made your mistakes in the past and what could have been avoided. We all had situations where we could have let go of small things, avoiding arguments and making it easier to keep the peace – but our selfish egos wouldn’t let us do that. These are all small things that add up and kill relationships. If you experience the same dating problems over and over again – then these are the exact issues that you didn’t learn from in the past. Don’t worry we all had these experiences, you are not alone.

 

However it might not always be the “big” mistakes stated above. Your mistake might be that you are simply choosing the wrong person again and again. We usually have a certain “type” of person that we are attracted to. Whether the appearance or the personality, we subconsciously go for the same one. You must test the waters for new possibilities. Don’t get stuck on the same pattern, because it’s obvious that it didn’t work out the last few times, so give yourself a break from this approach. Go to new unfamiliar places that different people frequent. You might be pleasantly surprised by the witty art lover, or the stiff banker – who might not be that stiff after all! What about the sporty type or the hobby cook at the kleinmarkthalle? Explore new terrains.

 

I came to the important realization that if I want to have a happy and healthy relationship, then I must learn from my past mistakes. That’s the only way of avoiding having the same crap follow me again and again. With every dating experience there must be some sort of evolution. You get to know yourself better in various situations and improve yourself. With my own experiences and what I see with my friends, I can honestly tell you that if you don’t learn from the past, you will not get any further, even with a new love – the same shit will happen again and again! What really helped me is to work on my behavior. I did my best to become a better version of myself. Then I opened up my eyes and started choosing different men. I broke my pattern and it really worked! Remember, you cannot get new results if you do and choose the same thing over and over.

 

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Why do good guys like bad girls?
Why do good guys like bad girls? 1200 400 Galia Brener

Finally it’s the bloody weekend, and you’re having drinks with your best buddy. After a few Geripptes glasses at your friendly neighborhood apple wine dealer, he starts telling you a heart wrenching story about Ms. X. We all know this “Ms. X” – there are many of them all over the world. She’s the one that will walk into your life, have her fun, empty your wallet, rip your heart out of your body, and will magically disappear when she feels like it. Leaving you empty and bitter against all womankind. Sorry Dear, you have just been played by a Bad Girl!

 

They exist, and they are evil! Not only do they shatter hearts, but they also shatter a man’s opinion of women. Once bitten by a Bad Girl, the poison seeps deep into the body and takes over the brain. Slowly it changes the man and turns him into a Bad Boy as well. Then, there is an uncontrollable desire for revenge. It’s a curse that has been passed on from millennium to millennium. It’s even worse than it’s cousin the Vampire – because at least Vampires still have feelings. No, the Bad Girl and Boy are more evil than that – they are merciless, and they will tear your soul out with their bare hands and eat your heart alive. You have been warned!

 

An acquaintance of mine, let’s call him “Yold”, is one of the worst Bad Boys in Frankfurt. I know his stories about how many women he hurt. I constantly try to persuade him to change his ways, but unfortunately he doesn’t! Last week he broke up with his latest passion. She is a beautiful, kind, intelligent, generous, warm and sweet woman. I hoped that finally he would settle with her. But of course, like with all the others, Yold broke her heart into tiny pieces and discarded her for the next one. I know that deep inside, he is not bad. The tragedy is that long ago, when he was still a young nerd, a Bad Girl came into his life, played him, and crushed his manhood and ego. Since then, he swore that no women would ever get that deep into his heart again. The Bad Girl damaged him, and now he is taking revenge on all other women.

 

What attracts Good Guys to Bad Girls, like flies to dirt? For the good men, it’s a natural instinct to feel the need to rescue a woman in distress. You see the Bad Girl, and feel that you can give her what she’s missing. The problem is that she will take and take. Once your life energy and bank account are empty, she will find the next fool to suck dry! Excuse the pun. She will never appreciate it. Instead, open up your eyes, and see how many wonderful, kind, lovely, beautiful, warm, and genuine women are in need of a good man! These Good Girls will appreciate everything that you have to offer. They will be loyal and loving partners in life. They will go through the good and bad with you, be there when the sun shines and stay when it becomes dark. These warm women will listen to your fears and sorrows. The problem is that some men associate “Good” with “Boring”. That’s a damn shame!

 

Wild, exciting, crazy sex: You are addicted to her body like an expensive, illegal drug. She controls your mind and fantasies. With a lick of her tongue, she can send you to the gates of heaven and back! You become a slave to her seduction and passion. She screams your name, while tearing up the sheets on her 5th orgasm. You feel like a Sex God. You are Hercules, and your ego has never felt better! But after the sex is over, she picks up her purse and walks out of your life. Then she decides to come back and walk all over you again. Why do you allow these Bad Girls to do this to you? Good Girls can be tigers in bed as well, but the problem is that you do not even give them a fair chance to show you this. You judge the book by the cover, and put it away in your basement before even reading it. Then you wonder why these women you choose are such bitches! Why? Because you fall for the wrong ones!

 

Excitement and challenge: The rush of not knowing what will happen next! Every evening with these Bad Girls is like an adventure to the dark side and back. She makes your heart beat faster and the blood rush through your veins. Wake up! She does the same with you and 69 other men. You’re not the only one, and you never will be. That’s what you like don’t you? You want to tame that wild beast. You want to be the hunter that managed to catch the Bad Girl and turn her into an obedient wife and mother. Stop torturing yourself. You will never change her, she is damaged goods. She is selfish and cruel, and cares only about herself. Leave that Bad Girl to her own kind. Let her deal with her archenemy: Mr. Bad Boy. But the problem is that he doesn’t want her. He goes after the Good Girls, and damages them for life. It’s sick.

 

It’s a never-ending cycle. Bad ones turn the Good ones into Bad ones! It’s about time for this viscous circle to stop. Men, open your eyes to the bigger and better things in life. Examine your priorities. Do you want to end up old and alone, without anyone there to make you a cup of tea in order to warm up your shriveling body? What about having your best friend beside you, that one person that you can share your secrets, fantasies and wishes with? I am sure that you have a good lovely female friend that would enrich you with her true love. But instead, you buy the monster-from-hell a beautiful 2-carat Tiffany’s engagement ring. Well, sorry buddy, that’s your own damn problem. Rest assured that in a few years you will be spending thousands of Euros on a good therapist and divorce lawyer because your monster has been sleeping with your best friend for the past year. You wanted a Bad Girl? Congratulations, you got one! But happiness will never be part of the package with her. It’s time to be smart. There are so many lovely and amazing good single girls out there. Open up your eyes!

 

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Where can you find love?
Where can you find love? 1200 400 Galia Brener

Are you ready to find that strange addictive drug everyone is gossiping about, called “Love”? But where can you find it? Just a little friendly warning, your dream partner will not be dropped from the heavens above into your living room. You must leave your flat once in a while, because couch surfing will not bring you closer to finding love.

 

I will start with my favorite thing in the entire Universe: Food. Honestly, who does not love an exotic meal, with unique smells and tastes they never tried before? Food unites people, especially those who truly enjoy it! The Kleinmarkthalle in Frankfurt on Saturdays is perfect because you can browse the aisles filled with delicious fresh food, beautiful women and handsome men. These fellows actually attempt to cook, and are not scared to burn down their flat. That’s 2 bonus points for bravery! Have a coffee in the market, it’s a perfect place to see and be seen. I would also recommend taking a cooking class with a good chef. You can meet someone nice with a similar hobby, and maybe make you own “Crème Brûlée” together at home, if you know what I mean! You can also try art, photography, language, music, dance, and acting classes.

 

A grocery store is full of opportunities. Best time to go is after work, around 7 – 8pm. Accidently drop your bacon on his foot, or let him reach for a bottle of wine on a top shelf for you. Even if you can reach it yourself, ask him for his help. Men like to feel needed, and will be glad to help you. Then start a casual conversation about wines, white or red, which country you prefer best, etc. Don’t forget to show your pretty smile. Nothing is sexier than an authentic, warm, friendly smile!

 

After all this eating, you must burn off the calories. Where? At the gym, golf course or yoga class. I did Kung Fu for a while, because I love action, and sparring with men is really fun. You get to punch, kick, and see how the sexual tension rises! If you see someone you like at the gym, make eye contact with him/her. Do that several times, and in the last few times, smile sweetly and look away. Men are hunters in their nature, so allow him to make the first move and effort to get you. Be sweet, open and friendly, but don’t overdo it. Let him be the ones to charm you! Also, do not underestimate a nice jog, or walk in the park with your dog.

 

After all this physical activity, it’s time to rest and visit a nice bookstore. Sit down and browse through the book you want to buy, or maybe have a coffee and muffin at the bookstore café. Women: go to the cars and sport sections of the bookstore. Men: go to the cooking, gardening, etc. sections. You never know who you will lock your eyes with there! Art, travel, photography, design, architecture, fashion, etc. are also wonderful areas at a bookstore to meet interesting people. Maybe try to finally fix up your home and go to a hardware store. You will find many “big steel hammers” there… so go and have fun!

 

After fixing your home and reading the books, it’s time to put on your favorite outfit and go out with your friends. Nice neighborhood cafés, bars and lounges are always good. Ask the sexy man standing beside you at the bar what he is drinking, because you want to try something new. Give him a warm smile and say thanks. If he’s into you, he will continue the conversation. If not, it means that he might be taken, shy or is not into you. If he is shy, try to make eye contact a few more times, and see how he responds. Smile at him so that he sees that you are interested. This will help him work up the courage to talk to you. Men and women need reassurance. It’s normal to be scared of rejection. There is nothing wrong in showing someone “subtly” that you are interested in them. Try to attend private house parties with friends. It’s great meeting friends of friends, because you know that you will most likely meet nice quality people.

 

Special events like wine or whiskey tasting are fabulous to meet your new love. You can taste delicious new brands, ask questions, laugh and truly enjoy yourself. Go to an old-timer car event with your brother, and meet new men. Or take your best buddy and go on a ski holiday. You are assured to bump into some fun people on the slopes or at the Après-ski bars and resort areas. This will be a guaranteed amazing time, and will give you a chance to bond with your friend.

 

This might sound old-fashioned, but a church, synagogue, etc. are great places to meet someone who is serious, and is looking for a life partner, rather than a few nights of wild fun. Community service, like helping the homeless is also wonderful and good for your karma! Art exhibitions, museums and galleries are excellent for meeting someone interesting. Talk about the crazy painting that’s in front of you, and try to make each other laugh by describing the silly things you interpret in it. Flirt and enjoy yourself. If things flow smoothly, go for a coffee afterwards.

 

Remember dear boys and girls, if s/he does not flirt back, it’s not the end of the world. There are so many wonderful places to go to and lovely people to meet. The partner that is meant to be for you will enter your life when you least expect it! Do not be sad if it does not happen very soon. Everything happens in the right time and place. Give it some time and enjoy your single life. Then one day, you will bump into him on the street, or at a boat party, and you’ll know he’s the one. Be happy and exude positivity! Happiness attracts happy people.

 

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Photo by: Bruno Steinert

 

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A Man’s “Open-Window” for Marriage
A Man’s “Open-Window” for Marriage 1200 400 Galia Brener

Have you ever wondered why some girls meet a new guy and everything works out very quickly? In a matter of months they get engaged and start a wonderful life together. Well, it’s not just about getting lucky – it’s about meeting a man in his right time. I call it the “window” because every man has his window, or time frame, when he is willing to get married and start a family.

 

This reminds me of a situation with a friend’s cousin. He was dating a great girl for over 6 years. She was waiting for the moment when he asks her to marry him, but unfortunately it did not come. He was even mean enough to ask her to loose weight. She complied with his request but still no proposal came from him. One summer day he went out with his buddies and met a new woman. He was very fascinated by her, and couldn’t stay away from this woman for more than a day! He was mesmerized by her character and values. He broke up with his girlfriend and moved in with this new woman within a month. A year later he asked her to marry him. Now they live in a nice house and are happier than ever. Unfortunately his ex is still devastatingly heartbroken! I asked him why he didn’t marry his ex? He said that he was not ready back then. Granted, the new girl was different. She was independent and very unique, and she met him at the right time. She caught him when his window was open!

 

So where is the fairness in this? One woman wastes years and years on a man, and the other meets him and gets married within months! I realized that it’s not about the luck, but rather about the timing! I for example, would not date a man for 5 years without knowing that it would lead to marriage. This is a waste of time, and girls we know that we are not getting younger. So why spend your time with a man that doesn’t plan a future with you? Sure, there are rare cases when you date a man forever and suddenly he decides to make a true commitment and get married. But unfortunately I hear more stories where nothing happens after years, and eventually the couples break up, like the story of my friend’s cousin.

 

My advice would be to talk about this earlier on in the relationship. Open communication is extremely important. It’s crucial to say what you want, without being scared to lose your partner. After one year, you should be able to tell your man where you see this relationship going. A friend of mine told her boyfriend of a year that she is not the kind of girl that can be in a relationship for many years without a marriage commitment. She let him know earlier on what she expects from their partnership. Half a year after that conversation he asked her to marry him. He wanted her in his life and knew that she would not wait forever. However, he didn’t feel pressured by this talk. He was simply ready for this next step, so he did it!

 

Ladies, please do not fear to lose your man. Be brave enough to tell him what you want! If he truly loves you, then he will want to spend the rest of his life with you anyways! If he respects you, then he will not make you wait for 5 or more years before giving you a ring. Sometimes men also need a little push. Not an aggressive demand, but a hint that you can imagine more with him. This also shows him that you are a serious woman. Of course not everyone wants to get married, but if you do, then why restrict yourself? Why get stuck at 45 years of age with a man whom you’ve dated for 7 years who doesn’t want to get married? Your life is in your hands, so make the best out of it. What you decide for yourself is how you will live your life, so please choose well!

 

I can only suggest that we must speak up! We have a brain and mouth to use. We have the ability to say what we want and when we want it. The biggest mistake to make is not to communicate to your partner what you want. To sit and wait for years until he “magically” decides to marry you is not a solution! Unfortunately not everyone has the power to speak up. Many are scared if they say they want marriage, the man will feel pressured and back out of the relationship. This is also a good test to see how much your man truly loves you. If a man has a strong love for his woman, then he will definitely want to make her the mother of his children. If not, then it will take him ages to marry her, and there is actually no guarantee that he will marry her at all. It’s like playing Russian roulette, so why take the risk? Talk to him and see where it’s going. Don’t be afraid, if he truly loves you, then he will understand. If not, then be happy to get rid if him! Why give yourself to a man who doesn’t appreciate it?

 

If you’re single and have the wish to get married, then be very observant of the men you date. Check out if he mentions children and parenthood. Does he speak of marriage positively, or about his married friends? Does he hint that he would also like to be a husband and father someday or even soon? Does he plan long-term with you? Does he integrate you into his serious life plans? After so many years of dating, I can tell quickly when a man is ready or not. You have to pay close attention to his deeds! Does he show you that he is serious about you? Men really do have an open window of opportunity when they want to get married. When their career is established, when they have achieved what they want and are ready to settle down roots. It’s all about the right timing. You don’t have to give up your dream of marriage and family. You have to choose well and “feel” if your guy is ready and is marriage material or not! Have faith that you deserve the best, and it will come to you. Never sell yourself for less than you deserve!

 

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Commitment Phobia
Commitment Phobia 1200 400 Galia Brener

Welcome to an era where some people think that being single is a luxury. Whereas marriage with children for them is considered as slavery, or even worse, a prison sentence! My single friends say that commitment has become an old-fashioned theory of the past. What is happening to our society and why are people so scared of the “C” word? Could it be that in the near future, we will only be able to read about commitment in history books?

 

My friend Gloria was dating an executive director of a very well known bank in Frankfurt. They met at the JFK bar of the magnificent Villa Kennedy hotel. He was sitting at the opposite end of the bar with his colleagues and she was there with her best friend. “Tony” is a very powerful and well-known man in this city, but Gloria didn’t know who he was. They hit it off right away, talking about travel, culture and art. She was very opinionated and had a lot to say – that amused him very much. She was a hot little firecracker, he thought. He took her out to lovely restaurants and treated her to delicious food and wine. He tried his moves on her, but Gloria didn’t want it to go too fast. She always made the same mistake in the past by sleeping with men too soon. However with this one, she decided to take her time. Tony was very turned on by this. The more she said no, the more he wanted her. Four weeks later she decided to finally sleep with him. After a long romantic dinner, they went back to his flat. They hardly made it upstairs and started undressing each other in the small antique elevator. She accidentally ripped his shirt buttons and her friskiness drove him wild! They had sex three times that night, and stayed up until the morning hours, talking about life, love, honor and adventures. She felt at ease beside him. He caressed her and his gentle touch confirmed his feelings towards her. She left his flat the next day skipping and singing, elated with happiness!

 

She waited for his call that evening, but her phone did not ring. They met a few days later, but she felt that everything has drastically changed. There was no more romance or effort on his part. She felt it was over and this feeling made her sick to her stomach. He was cold, distant and even a bit mean to her. Gloria called me crying desperately. “Why?!” she asked. “What did I do wrong?” She said they had such nice deep conversations, shared secrets and dreams, had so much in common and had such fun together. She thought that he might be “The One”. She was devastated. She couldn’t eat or sleep for weeks. She felt so hurt and betrayed, but worse of all, she felt used. Gloria is a great woman – she’s smart, attractive, warm, funny and very feminine. What the hell was wrong with Tony and why did he do this to her? A few weeks ago he looked her straight in the eyes, saying how much he liked her. But month later, she saw him with three different women. Is Tony simply an asshole, or is there another reason behind his disgusting behavior?

 

What is the real reason behind fear of commitment? I came up with three possibilities:

 

1. People are looking for “the next best thing.” Some people have a constant sick need for something bigger, better, sexier, richer, funnier, skinnier, curvier, younger… more more more! Since everything is offered by the masses these days – like on Tinder – there are limitless possibilities and temptations everywhere, so people think to themselves “Could I do better?”. There is nothing wrong with searching for the right one, but to the temporary “place holders” you are dating, you might actually be their dream partner! Therefore tell them right away so that you don’t hurt and damage them! For the ones suffering in this situation, open your eyes to the truth. It happened to me before and I know it hurts like hell, but you can’t force love. Don’t you want someone who truly loves you, and not someone that you have to run after and feel stupid doing so? Respect yourself and know your worth. Move on.

 

2. People have been hurt badly in the past and are scared to go through that pain again. What about, “No risk, no love”? Getting hurt is a bitch, but we have all been there. (Some like myself, even more than once). I tell my friends to find their courage and get back into the boxing… or rather, dating ring. It’s a 50/50 chance to get beaten up again, or come out as a champion with the love of your life beside you. You must allow yourself to have another chance in love. Don’t turn into a victim full of anger and bitterness. Lick your wounds, gather your strength and go back out there again!

 

3. People want to simply enjoy the sex buffet with no strings attached. The Internet offers lots of fresh meat… oops, I mean flirts and dates, everywhere. When going out, some even offer themselves on a platter, “Take me, take me!” If you want to enjoy the sex buffet, it’s your right to do so. But let the person know in advance and don’t give them false hopes of a future together – don’t hurt people, be fair and honest! Don’t do what Tony did to Gloria.

 

If you want a serious long-term relationship, stay away from the people with the a­­bove mentioned symptoms. These “illnesses” do not have an over-the-counter cure. Fear of commitment is extremely difficult to cure! My advice is to listen to your gut feeling. Put on your magic glasses, and look carefully through the “Lens of Truth”. Play Sherlock Holmes, and pay attention to the small things they say or do, because the truth always comes out. Don’t be fooled by their words – actions speak louder than words – so pay close attention to their deeds. Also look carefully at how they act around their family, friends, animals, children and elderly people. Take your time to get to know them better before offering your beating heart.

 

Photo by my talented Mama: Polina Brener. Check out her Facebook page:

www.facebook.com/brenerpolina

 

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