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A Man’s “Open-Window” for Marriage

A Man’s “Open-Window” for Marriage 1200 400 Galia Brener

Have you ever wondered why some girls meet a new guy and everything works out very quickly? In a matter of months they get engaged and start a wonderful life together. Well, it’s not just about getting lucky – it’s about meeting a man in his right time. I call it the “window” because every man has his window, or time frame, when he is willing to get married and start a family.

 

This reminds me of a situation with a friend’s cousin. He was dating a great girl for over 6 years. She was waiting for the moment when he asks her to marry him, but unfortunately it did not come. He was even mean enough to ask her to loose weight. She complied with his request but still no proposal came from him. One summer day he went out with his buddies and met a new woman. He was very fascinated by her, and couldn’t stay away from this woman for more than a day! He was mesmerized by her character and values. He broke up with his girlfriend and moved in with this new woman within a month. A year later he asked her to marry him. Now they live in a nice house and are happier than ever. Unfortunately his ex is still devastatingly heartbroken! I asked him why he didn’t marry his ex? He said that he was not ready back then. Granted, the new girl was different. She was independent and very unique, and she met him at the right time. She caught him when his window was open!

 

So where is the fairness in this? One woman wastes years and years on a man, and the other meets him and gets married within months! I realized that it’s not about the luck, but rather about the timing! I for example, would not date a man for 5 years without knowing that it would lead to marriage. This is a waste of time, and girls we know that we are not getting younger. So why spend your time with a man that doesn’t plan a future with you? Sure, there are rare cases when you date a man forever and suddenly he decides to make a true commitment and get married. But unfortunately I hear more stories where nothing happens after years, and eventually the couples break up, like the story of my friend’s cousin.

 

My advice would be to talk about this earlier on in the relationship. Open communication is extremely important. It’s crucial to say what you want, without being scared to lose your partner. After one year, you should be able to tell your man where you see this relationship going. A friend of mine told her boyfriend of a year that she is not the kind of girl that can be in a relationship for many years without a marriage commitment. She let him know earlier on what she expects from their partnership. Half a year after that conversation he asked her to marry him. He wanted her in his life and knew that she would not wait forever. However, he didn’t feel pressured by this talk. He was simply ready for this next step, so he did it!

 

Ladies, please do not fear to lose your man. Be brave enough to tell him what you want! If he truly loves you, then he will want to spend the rest of his life with you anyways! If he respects you, then he will not make you wait for 5 or more years before giving you a ring. Sometimes men also need a little push. Not an aggressive demand, but a hint that you can imagine more with him. This also shows him that you are a serious woman. Of course not everyone wants to get married, but if you do, then why restrict yourself? Why get stuck at 45 years of age with a man whom you’ve dated for 7 years who doesn’t want to get married? Your life is in your hands, so make the best out of it. What you decide for yourself is how you will live your life, so please choose well!

 

I can only suggest that we must speak up! We have a brain and mouth to use. We have the ability to say what we want and when we want it. The biggest mistake to make is not to communicate to your partner what you want. To sit and wait for years until he “magically” decides to marry you is not a solution! Unfortunately not everyone has the power to speak up. Many are scared if they say they want marriage, the man will feel pressured and back out of the relationship. This is also a good test to see how much your man truly loves you. If a man has a strong love for his woman, then he will definitely want to make her the mother of his children. If not, then it will take him ages to marry her, and there is actually no guarantee that he will marry her at all. It’s like playing Russian roulette, so why take the risk? Talk to him and see where it’s going. Don’t be afraid, if he truly loves you, then he will understand. If not, then be happy to get rid if him! Why give yourself to a man who doesn’t appreciate it?

 

If you’re single and have the wish to get married, then be very observant of the men you date. Check out if he mentions children and parenthood. Does he speak of marriage positively, or about his married friends? Does he hint that he would also like to be a husband and father someday or even soon? Does he plan long-term with you? Does he integrate you into his serious life plans? After so many years of dating, I can tell quickly when a man is ready or not. You have to pay close attention to his deeds! Does he show you that he is serious about you? Men really do have an open window of opportunity when they want to get married. When their career is established, when they have achieved what they want and are ready to settle down roots. It’s all about the right timing. You don’t have to give up your dream of marriage and family. You have to choose well and “feel” if your guy is ready and is marriage material or not! Have faith that you deserve the best, and it will come to you. Never sell yourself for less than you deserve!

 

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Don’t date married people!

Don’t date married people! 1200 400 Galia Brener

Image this scenario: It’s a Thursday night, and your friends drag you out for a drink. You’ve had a tough week, and don’t feel like mingling and being amongst people. You try to refuse, but they don’t take no for an answer. You stand in front of your closet, trying to choose something decent to wear, but your heart is simply not in it. You throw on your can’t-go-wrong-dress, put on your high-yet-comfy heels, and leave the house. You feel yourself regretting every step that brings you further away from your comfortable couch. The girls take you to a trendy new bar, and suddenly it starts to look up, because you realize that you can drown your sorrows in a strong gin tonic! You slowly sip your drink and look around. A man approaches you and sits on the bar stool beside you. He’s absolutely drop-dead gorgeous. He starts talking to you, and you soon feel yourself melting away. He’s charming, warm, kind, sweet, and intelligent… and he wants to take you out to dinner on the weekend. You go home happier than ever.

 

Saturday is here, and you’re nervous as hell! You’re meeting “him” tonight! You look fabulous, and so does he. You have an absolutely amazing evening together. You feel the butterflies fly wildly around in your stomach, and your heart starts singing love songs to your brain. This date is followed by many more wonderful dates. Everything is simply perfect and you are both very happy. You feel that he’s the one, and tell him that you love him. He hugs you tightly and says that he loves you too… but there is something that he has to tell you. He hasn’t told you this yet because he was scared to lose you. Your heart skips a beat, and almost stops. Your stomach lurches, as if you are sailing through 10-meter high waves, hanging on for dear life. What the hell does he need to tell you?

 

He’s married. You love him. He says he loves you. He doesn’t want to lose you, and tries to convince you to stay with him. You try not to see him for a few days, to gather distance from him. But you cannot. You need to see him, to kiss and hug him. You need to hear his voice, feel his closeness, his touch, his arms wrapped around you. But like it or not, you are now the “other woman”. The longer you date him, the harder it will be for you to leave. In the bottom of your heart and soul, you know that letting him go would be the better and smarter thing to do…. but it’s so damn hard!

 

Most men that have affairs do not leave their wives for the “other woman”. Same thing goes for married women. Even if he does leave his wife, there is no guarantee that he won’t do the same thing with you, and the next woman after you. An acquaintance of mine, Maria, was dating a married man. She wanted to leave him but couldn’t. She was crazy about him. He kept on promising her to leave his wife, year after year. After 5 years, he still did not leave his wife, and he never did after. Maria ended up wasting 5 years with a man that was sharing his heart with two women. He told her that he doesn’t sleep with his wife anymore, and doesn’t even love her, but still he did not make an attempt to start a new life with Maria! She met him at 35 years old, and is now 40 with a broken heart and wasted time.

 

Dating married people is like being stuck with a bad Internet connection, and waiting for your favorite online store to load. Usually the page fails to load up, and the slow Internet crashes. You are putting your life on hold for a man/women that “might”, but most likely never will be yours. No matter how you try to justify it to yourself: “It really is true love”, or “S/he truly loves me”, “We are soul mates because we understand each other so well”… at the end of the day, a family is being wrecked. There is another woman on the other side who is miserable and suffering. She is trying to do everything do get her husband to notice her again. It’s an awful, painful and torturous feeling. Ask yourself this: can you truly love someone who is so disrespectful to his wife and family? He is having his cake and eating it too. Two women who want him, and he gets to decide what, where, when and with whom. Be honest to yourself, is this the life you really want?

 

I have seen a few friends suffer like never before. My advice to you would be to never start dating anyone who is married, and if you happen to find out later, break it off immediately. You will save your heart, soul, and a family! If s/he did this “with you”, then s/he will do this “to you” as well. Karma is also at risk here. You don’t want the same thing happening to you when you are married! Drop them and take care of yourself. You deserve a wonderful person that will fall in love with you, and make you their one-and-only! You deserve the very best, and do not need to share your partner with anyone else. Be smart and choose to lead an honest, honorable and happy life.

 

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The magic of letting go!

The magic of letting go! 1200 400 Galia Brener

Letting go is one of the hardest yet important things to do. This can be difficult for some people, like myself, because us sensitive types feel emotions quite deeply, we are loyal, compassionate, empathetic and caring. We often take things too closely to the heart, get hurt very easily and sometimes carry the sorrows of the world upon our shoulders. We tend to worry a lot, get offended, and in general, allow people to hurt us. The way I see it is that we emotional/sensitive types have a big karmic lesson to learn: to take things easier and learn the magic of letting go!

 

Do you have difficulties to let things go? For example, you hear that someone said something bad about you that you don’t deserve. Or when you have an argument with your partner, you might be tempted to go on fighting until s/he realizes that you are right, and not them. Maybe you had a painful breakup, or you do something really wonderful for someone, and they don’t appreciate it. You have a fight with your mom or best friend, your boss screams at you for no apparent reason, you get shoved hard on the train and fall down. Or the guy you really like has not called back in over two weeks after your date. Whatever the case is, it will gnaw at you until you manage to let it go.

 

My friend Gloria went through a rough breakup last year. It was terrible and unfortunately she hasn’t managed to become her usual happy-self ever since. She thought he was the love of her life and that they would get married one day. It turned out that he showed his true nature after two years, and was a complete opposite of whom she met and initially fell in love with. He had serious addictions, was short-tempered and treated her quite badly the last half a year they were together. She tried to do everything to save the relationship. However, the more she gave, the more he took, and the meaner he was to her. She couldn’t handle the pain anymore and forced herself to split up with him. This was a very tough decision and went against her heart, but she knew that it was the only way to survive his terror.

 

The following months were a complete shock for Gloria. She lost 10 kg and couldn’t deal with the fact that they were apart and he turned out to be someone completely different. Gloria hoped that his deep inner “goodness” would win over, and realize that he pushed away his best friend, and the only person who truly loved and cared about him. She was much closer to him than his family was. He always said that he felt at home with her and that she was his family. Words of truth? Or a sick game? To make a sad story short, it has been a while and she still didn’t get over it. She simply can’t let go. There are good men lining up for her and she is stuck on a guy who was terrible to her! Gloria told me that she would love him until the end of time. The problem is that if she doesn’t let go, she wont be able to move on and be open for a man who will truly love her. She is missing out on some good chances to be very happy!

 

By letting go, it does not mean that you are weak, and allowing the other to win and take control. Quite the opposite actually. By letting go, you are being smart and loving yourself. Bad people come into our lives as a test for us to see how we deal with such creatures and situations. They will “try” to tease, hurt, harass, manipulate and sometimes even destroy us. However, how deep you allow them to penetrate you is in your own control. Once you clearly see that this person or situation is bad for you, then it’s your job to walk away and not allow them to harm you. Even if they managed to get into your heart, the only way to rid yourself of their poison is by letting go. The power is yours. I think it’s time to turn on our survival instincts, and learn the magic of letting go. Do yourself a favor and let go in order to make place for the good things to come into your life. Holding onto these people and situations is the same as willingly holding onto parasites that you know are destroying your body. That’s sick!

 

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13 simple things to make your woman happy

13 simple things to make your woman happy 1354 437 Galia Brener

 

Last week I gave you the men’s 13-point list of happiness. This week I compiled our list, and I am pleased to say that there are many similarities! At the end of the day, we all want happiness and love. Getting the women might seem like the hardest part of the dating game, however that is only a small portion of the battle won. The real challenge is not getting the woman, but rather keeping her happy by your side! Dear men, I’m sure you are sitting with your eyebrows raised and a smirk on your face now, but don’t worry, it’s not as hard as you think – you don’t have to be Hercules or a millionaire to succeed at this.

Let’s make it easy for you to understand and compare this to your car that you love so damn much. Imagine you get your dream car – it’s fast, shiny and new! Every time you see it, a wave of happiness rushes through your body and you can’t get your eyes off your new baby! Driving it is one of the best feelings in world. A few years go by, and you notice dents here and there. The new car smell has long evaporated, the leather interior is not so pristine anymore, and the rims have scratches on them. Your car is getting older, but it’s still your baby and you will take care of it, right? With every 10,000 km you lovingly pat the steering wheel, and thank her for being so good to you. Even if she gets very old and is considered an old-timer, you wont just leave her to rust. Much like beautiful cars, women need proper care and attention as well. If you don’t invest time and effort into taking care of the things you love, then you will lose them.

Dear gentlemen, here is a list of 13 things that you can do to keep your woman very happy:

1. Foreplay – go down on her, make her hot and don’t forget to cuddle afterwards

2. Don’t tell her what to do

3. Accept her as she is

4. Be supportive, strong and courageous

5. Be a good listener – show her that you are loyal and caring

6. Be generous – financially and with your attention, compliments and love

7. Always be honest and faithful

8. Be a gentleman – show respect, good manners and take responsibility

9. Be funny and show your sense of humor

10. Surprises – sweet text messages, flowers, dinner and gifts

11. Stay sexy – don’t let yourself go

12. Show her appreciation, kindness and be forgiving

13. Make plans and commitment for your future together

This reminds me of Gloria’s unfortunate story. She was dating a guy who pretended to be her prince charming at the beginning, and did everything to sweep her off her feet. But as time passed by and the more effort she made, the less he gave back in return. He took her for granted, and this slowly killed the love she felt for him. Towards the end of the relationship, it seemed that he didn’t care much at all and showed his true narcissistic nature. Gloria eventually had enough of his selfish crap and left him. After she was gone, months later he finally realized how much he truly loved and missed her, but it was already too late. His flowers and love letters had no meaning for her anymore. She met a real man who was more than willing to make her very happy! Ladies before falling madly in love, keep your eyes open, and make sure that the man genuinely wants to make you happy because he truly loves you. I don’t want to see any more women suffer like Gloria did.

I know I have listed a lot of things to do, but take your time and do it because you want to and not because you have to. Actions and deeds speak louder than words. Always remember to never take your woman for granted. If you are not good to her, then she will eventually leave, and another man will be very willing to make her happy! Relationships are not always easy, and love can be a real bitch, but if you figure out the formula to make her happy, believe me, she will give you even more in return. Making your woman feel special is not so difficult, and a bit more effort on your part will get you ahead (and even head ;-) and keep your woman feeing very happy. After all, with all of the wonderful things we do for you, we deserve it!

Addicted to love!

Addicted to love! 1354 437 Galia Brener

Love, like sex and drugs can become a serious addiction. There’s a simple explanation for this. When you fall in love, your brain releases endorphins, which is the feel-good chemical that is responsible for making you very happy. These wonderful chemicals give us a feeling of euphoria – a natural high! They also suppress hunger, which explains why we are not so hungry when we first fall in love. Eventually the normal daily grind starts, and the love is not so new and thrilling anymore. The rush is gone, or even worse, if the couple breaks up, what happens then? The brain and body desperately want that high again, and this can lead to making bad decisions. Can it be that we are addicted to the “feeling” of love?

Love is very nice to have, but if you are single at the moment, does that mean that you cannot be the happiest that you can ever be? Nothing is certain in life – you might meet your future partner tomorrow, or in one year, but what should you do in the mean time? Sit depressed at home, wishing for someone to hug and kiss you? No, Definitely not! This addiction to the feeling of love is very dangerous for two main reasons:

Reason 1: the brain equates that love = happiness. Meaning, if you have no (romantic) love in your life, then you are not happy. What a horribly depressive thought! Unfortunately this has been so deeply engraved into some people’s minds and hearts, that they cannot eliminate it anymore.

Reason 2: some people will end up taking the next best thing that comes along, in order not to be alone. Why make such a huge compromise and take someone that you know is not good enough for you, simply to have someone beside you? I always say that it’s better to be single than with an idiot.

My friend Heather was a woman that equated her happiness with having a man in her life. If she was single, then her world was not so pink anymore. She had times when she felt sad and lonely, and even slightly depressed. She walked around the city, especially in the cold wintertime, and saw all the couples holding hands, and kissing, and she wanted to have that so desperately. She cried many times to me how much she missed a man and love in her life. After a few years of being single, she realized that she couldn’t wait until the next man came along to finally feel happy again. She had to change her thinking ASAP! Her therapist said that she had to introduce other things into her life, apart from love, which fulfilled her and made her happy. She had to trigger those damn endorphins in a new way, and not depend on the addiction to love anymore! When Heather finally changed her thinking, many people who haven’t seen her in a while asked, “Do you have a new love? You look so relaxed and happy!” she now laughs in return and says, “Since when is having a partner the only thing that dictates a person’s happiness in life?”

Thankfully, there are other things that trigger that “happy feeling” you get when first falling in love. For example:

1. Do a vigorous workout, and your body will be happily exhausted. You will get the “runner’s high” and be completely satisfied after.

2. Eating a bit of dark chocolate during the day does wonders for the feeling of happiness.

3. Take ginseng everyday. It works well to release endorphins.

4. Find reasons to laugh. Watch a funny show or go to a comedy club.

5. Eat something spicy! Chili peppers release endorphins.

6. Shopping helps as well. No need to spend a fortune, but treat yourself to something nice once in a while.

7. Masturbation makes you happy. No partner? No problem! Nothing wrong with grabbing your vibrator, having a nice orgasm to start the day and enhancing your happiness!

8. Hobbies are a great way to spend time with yourself and doing what makes YOU happy.

9. Get your shit done and don’t procrastinate with important things! The less weight and worries you have on your shoulders, the happier you will be!

As you can see, being addicted to love and having your happiness depend on it can be quite dangerous. Take your mind off the need and addiction of “having to have” love, and start taking care of yourself. I know that there are so many things that you could be doing for yourself right now in order to make you feel happy. Life is happening right NOW, and there is no point of thinking of happiness in the future – when you finally have that love again! Live now. Enjoy now – regardless if you have that love in your life or not! The best part is that when you are busy doing those other things, your true love will come and surprise you when you least expect it…

You’re having an affair?

You’re having an affair? 514 193 Galia Brener
We live in a world where things move faster than the speed of light – unfortunately sometimes, even love as well. Values are being replaced with smartphones, and morals are sniffed up the nose in forms of white powders. Wives cheat on Tinder, and husbands run to prostitutes. What is left from the old-fashioned thing, once called “true love”? I’m sure you have all heard of horror stories about affairs amongst your friends, or have seen it in movies. So I ask myself, how many of those cheating affairs actually have a happy ending?

My friend Gloria met a man two years ago. “B-Liar” was exceptionally handsome, tall with dark blond hair and piercing blue eyes. He was very charming, and quite the smooth operator. He was flawless, and even more beautiful than the painting of Dorian Gray. Oscar Wilde would do flips in the air if he saw B-Liar. He was quite generous, and invited Gloria on a holiday the first month they met. She noticed that he always put his phone face down on the table, and kept it on silent or closed most of the time. She didn’t think much of it, only that he was trying to spend quality time with her, without interruptions. Yeah right. When they came back, he spent many wonderful evenings in her flat, but always left early in the morning and never had much time on the weekends for her – saying that he’s busy, or must work at the office during the weekend. He also never took her to his flat – making an excuse that it’s being renovated, and that he lives in a hotel at the “moment”. The months passed by and she was already very deeply in love with him. She said, “Gali, I know that he’s the one! I feel it so deep inside, I’m sure of it!”

One evening, I was at the beautiful Christmas market in Frankfurt, enjoying a hot warm glass of Feuerzangenbowle with the girls. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Mr. B-Liar walk by, hugging Gloria. As I was approaching them from behind, I saw that they started kissing very passionately in front of the Christmas tree. I was so happy for my dear Gloria. Being the silly monkey that I am, I jumped on her and gave her a huge bear hug from behind. What happened next was the shock of a lifetime for me! She turned around, and it was not Gloria! She looked at me like I just dropped down form the moon, and I accidentally spilled my entire Feuerzangenbowle on B-Liar. He introduced her as his wife, and I was shocked and speechless! He looked very scared and begged me with his eyes not to say anything. His wife was very confused, and I realized it was time to make my exit. I told the girls I have to leave, and went straight to Gloria’s flat. I felt so miserable. How the hell should I tell my good friend such horrendous news, when she thinks he’s the one? I bought a bottle of Belvedere on the way, because I knew this would be a tough evening for my poor sweet darling.

I told Gloria that B-Liar is married. It hurt me so much to see the gruesome pain settle in her eyes and heart. It was a gut-wrenching night, one of the worst I’ve ever had. I have never heard someone cry with so much agony. How could he have hidden it for so many months from her? Of course he tried to blind her with the usual, “I don’t love her anymore, and we don’t have sex at all. It’s too expensive to get a divorce at the moment. I will leave her soon, you’re the only one for me. I love you so much baby” bullshit! However, Gloria loved him to death, and couldn’t let him go. He showered her with promises to leave his wife. She waited and waited, and wanted him even more. She cries often now, and happiness has not visited her heart for a while. She is living on standby. It’s horrific to see my friend so broken! I tell her to leave him, and stop this insanity at once! But she doesn’t, because he promised to be with her. Well, it’s been almost two years now and nothing has changed. Gloria is the other woman. His promises are empty, and only fuel her false hope of a happy future together. But like with most affair cases, he will never leave his family.

Ladies, and also gentlemen – it happens often the other way around as well – please save yourself the excruciating pain, and don’t get involved with a married person. Very rarely do these people leave their partners for their lovers. And if they do, there is a huge chance that s/he will cheat on you as well – once a cheater, always a cheater. Besides, you don’t want to be that bitch who broke up a family and brought evil into someone’s life. This is bad karma – and you don’t want to mess with that. I read somewhere that karma-wise, if you have and affair with a married person, the same can come back to you later on, and your future partner might have an affair as well. That’s horrible, and you don’t need this to happen to you. There are enough single people out there these days for us. If you are dating someone and didn’t know about this, like Gloria, my advice would be to stop the affair right away. Sure you will miss them, and feel pain for a while, but it’s a pain with an end, rather than being stuck in an affair with endless pain. You will eventually get over it and move on. If you stay in the affair, you will block your possibility of finding true love with someone that can actually be yours! No good comes out of affairs, and almost all of them have a very bitter ending. Life is short, is that what you wish for yourself? Make yourself available for the one who will be “your” sweetheart. Don’t you deserve the best?

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