Image this scenario: It’s a Thursday night, and your friends drag you out for a drink. You’ve had a tough week, and don’t feel like mingling and being amongst people. You try to refuse, but they don’t take no for an answer. You stand in front of your closet, trying to choose something decent to wear, but your heart is simply not in it. You throw on your can’t-go-wrong-dress, put on your high-yet-comfy heels, and leave the house. You feel yourself regretting every step that brings you further away from your comfortable couch. The girls take you to a trendy new bar, and suddenly it starts to look up, because you realize that you can drown your sorrows in a strong gin tonic! You slowly sip your drink and look around. A man approaches you and sits on the bar stool beside you. He’s absolutely drop-dead gorgeous. He starts talking to you, and you soon feel yourself melting away. He’s charming, warm, kind, sweet, and intelligent… and he wants to take you out to dinner on the weekend. You go home happier than ever.
Saturday is here, and you’re nervous as hell! You’re meeting “him” tonight! You look fabulous, and so does he. You have an absolutely amazing evening together. You feel the butterflies fly wildly around in your stomach, and your heart starts singing love songs to your brain. This date is followed by many more wonderful dates. Everything is simply perfect and you are both very happy. You feel that he’s the one, and tell him that you love him. He hugs you tightly and says that he loves you too… but there is something that he has to tell you. He hasn’t told you this yet because he was scared to lose you. Your heart skips a beat, and almost stops. Your stomach lurches, as if you are sailing through 10-meter high waves, hanging on for dear life. What the hell does he need to tell you?
He’s married. You love him. He says he loves you. He doesn’t want to lose you, and tries to convince you to stay with him. You try not to see him for a few days, to gather distance from him. But you cannot. You need to see him, to kiss and hug him. You need to hear his voice, feel his closeness, his touch, his arms wrapped around you. But like it or not, you are now the “other woman”. The longer you date him, the harder it will be for you to leave. In the bottom of your heart and soul, you know that letting him go would be the better and smarter thing to do…. but it’s so damn hard!
Most men that have affairs do not leave their wives for the “other woman”. Same thing goes for married women. Even if he does leave his wife, there is no guarantee that he won’t do the same thing with you, and the next woman after you. An acquaintance of mine, Maria, was dating a married man. She wanted to leave him but couldn’t. She was crazy about him. He kept on promising her to leave his wife, year after year. After 5 years, he still did not leave his wife, and he never did after. Maria ended up wasting 5 years with a man that was sharing his heart with two women. He told her that he doesn’t sleep with his wife anymore, and doesn’t even love her, but still he did not make an attempt to start a new life with Maria! She met him at 35 years old, and is now 40 with a broken heart and wasted time.
Dating married people is like being stuck with a bad Internet connection, and waiting for your favorite online store to load. Usually the page fails to load up, and the slow Internet crashes. You are putting your life on hold for a man/women that “might”, but most likely never will be yours. No matter how you try to justify it to yourself: “It really is true love”, or “S/he truly loves me”, “We are soul mates because we understand each other so well”… at the end of the day, a family is being wrecked. There is another woman on the other side who is miserable and suffering. She is trying to do everything do get her husband to notice her again. It’s an awful, painful and torturous feeling. Ask yourself this: can you truly love someone who is so disrespectful to his wife and family? He is having his cake and eating it too. Two women who want him, and he gets to decide what, where, when and with whom. Be honest to yourself, is this the life you really want?
I have seen a few friends suffer like never before. My advice to you would be to never start dating anyone who is married, and if you happen to find out later, break it off immediately. You will save your heart, soul, and a family! If s/he did this “with you”, then s/he will do this “to you” as well. Karma is also at risk here. You don’t want the same thing happening to you when you are married! Drop them and take care of yourself. You deserve a wonderful person that will fall in love with you, and make you their one-and-only! You deserve the very best, and do not need to share your partner with anyone else. Be smart and choose to lead an honest, honorable and happy life.