sex

BILD newspaper interview, quiz and video
BILD newspaper interview, quiz and video 1200 400 Galia Brener

Interview: About my blog and a little relationship & sex tip for the German BILD newspaper. A big thanks to Niklas Cordes, Ricarda Discoking, Vincenzo Mancuso and Yulia Mettier for the styling!

 

About my blog video:

Translation to English: I speak a bit about my blog. Then they asked what is a good tip to keep relationships/marriages going – I answered that no matter how and when a couple is fighting, they should never forget the sex. Even if there are fights, as long as the sex is still happening, the relationship has a higher chance/rate of survival. Basically – Don’t forget the sex – Intimacy bonds.

 

The fashion quiz:

 

The article:

In the BILD newspaper online: http://www.bild.de/regional/frankfurt/hessen/deine-blogger-43210560.bild.html

 

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Behind the scenes photos:

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Can sex really be just “casual”?
Can sex really be just “casual”? 1200 400 Galia Brener

We live in an unfortunate time where dating different partners is as easy as owning many pairs of shoes. Whenever a newer, sought-after style comes out, we quickly forget the studded-sneaker of last year, and run to the stores to buy something new. As soon as these shoes go out of style, there will surely come something newer, shinier, and prettier… but does that automatically make it better? Just like we change and throw out our shoes, our society has made it acceptable to do the same with partners that we date and sleep with. Why did this become a “made-for-one-time-use-only” disposable generation? Like the answers to a multiple test in school: A, B, C, D, all, or none of the above – we live in a multiple-choice society!

 

Jules and I went for a Bloody Mary at Vai Vai last week. She told me that she met a nice guy at a party in Frankfurt. That evening they had a long chat about life, relationships, philosophy, and other fascinating topics. After the party, they kept in touch, and have decided to meet again. They had a wonderful evening of delicious food and drinks, and ended up going to his place. This mystery man was fascinated with Jules, kissing her all the way up the stairs to his flat. They laughed, shared some private jokes, and had passionate sex into the early morning hours. After waking up, they had some coffee, and she left. A week has passed, and Jules is still waiting for him to call. Meanwhile, our mystery man has disappeared. For him, it was just casual sex. For her, it was not so casual!

 

Casual Sex: how do you feel the next morning, after the glittery glamorous butterfly effects of the alcohol has worn off, the make-up is smeared all over the face, the person you shared your body with is sleeping on the other end of the bed, back turned to you, and you feel… empty. The heart wants more. It wants to be hugged, caressed, loved, cuddled and be assured that the world is a beautiful and bright place to live in. But reality strikes when you open your eyes the next morning, and see the look in the other’s face, the looks that says without words, “Please leave my flat, I do not want to deal with you in my bed now… or ever.” That’s the look that makes you get dressed as quickly as possible, leave the scene of the crime, take the torturous walk of shame home, and try to forget that this ever happened. Do we really ever forget these events? Or do they haunt and torture us, taking with them a small piece of our heart, leaving a tiny empty hole.

 

Expectation management: There are some that simply love sex. They adore the exploration of the body, having a thrilling night of passion and seduction, without any strings attached. They think: why settle down for one, when there can be a new one as often as wanted? Instead of one pair of Louboutin sneakers, why not have 10 in all different colors!? It’s casual sex between two consenting adults – but this should be discussed before jumping into bed, so that nobody gets hurt afterwards. It has been observed that women are more likely to want more from a man after sex, whereas for some men, it is simply casual sex. However, this is not to say that the roles cannot be reversed. But usually women connect on an emotional level, whereas men tend to connect on a physical level.

 

What must be avoided is leading someone on with fake promises and illusions! This reminds me of a story that Gloria told me once. Years ago, she dated a guy for a few weeks – let’s call him “Fork-Man”. A few summers ago she saw him at a street fest in the city. They had a warm reunion and went to her house for a delicious glass of Barolo and a heart-to-heart conversation. He showered her with promises of a beautiful future together. She was looking into his bright blue eyes, charmed with every word that came out of his mouth. She figured that since they knew each other from the past, he would not lie to her. Gloria gave into his hypnotic tales of a “happy life together” and had sex with him. The next day he got dressed and left. It dawned upon her that his intentions were never true! He disgustingly lied his way into a night of casual sex with her. “Fork-Man” is a Frankfurt banker that comes from a small village. He is an empty walking ghost without happiness and joy for life. His selfishness and anger comes from the fact that he never got the proper love and warmth at home as a child. Therefore he became a bitter man who hurts and uses everyone else. Later, Gloria found out that Fork-Man has been calling and trying to sleep with a friend of hers as well. He knew that both girls know each other!

 

Saying all of the above, there have been times where casual sex has led to true love. I even know a couple that started dating and got engaged shortly after. Fairytales do come true. Fate is a marvelous thing that can surprise you! But be prepared that if you do have casual sex, the person you slept with might not call you the next day or even the next weeks. That’s the risk you are taking. Even if for you it was special, for him/her it might only be “casual” sex and nothing more.

 

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Ladies, it’s time to start dating like men do!
Ladies, it’s time to start dating like men do! 1200 400 Galia Brener
Dear ladies, we live in a time when you can and should date like a man. You hear so many stories about men dating different girls in one week, and taking their time being single. Well, you know what? You can do the same thing without worrying about being called a slut. If the guys are considered “James Bond” because they date many women, well now consider yourself as the sexy “Catwoman” by having a few parallel handsome options as well!

Sorry gentlemen, but you pushed us into it. If you can date around, so can we. No, this doesn’t make us cheap. No, we don’t sleep with every man we go on a date with. Just like you, we would like to keep our options open in finding the very best for ourselves. Guys, why should you be the only ones who can enjoy a nice wine tasting without ruining your reputation? Well ladies, it’s time to go on a Champagne tasting adventure… if you know what I mean!

Jilli and Heather were enjoying their usual girl’s night out in the city. The sun was setting, and the weather was warm enough to walk around naked. The girls were sipping a gin tonic on the rooftop of a trendy lounge. It was filled with beautiful men and women, prancing around in their best outfits, waiting to get noticed. Of course many had their “Serious-Cool-Frankfurt-Faces” on, but deep inside they wanted to meet someone special – even though some would never admit this. Jilli was telling Heather a story of another new guy she met, went out with, and decided not to date anymore. Heather’s reaction was the same as usual. She screamed, “Jilli! Again?! But he was a good guy! Why don’t you give him a proper chance?” It’s not as if Jilli was turned off by “nice guys”. Quite the opposite actually. Jilli did want a good, caring, sweet, honest, charming man – but the one that she would “click” with.

“Aha Man” was not the right one for her. Jilli did not feel the passion and chemistry – or what I call the “Click”. She knew deep in the bottom of her stomach that he was not the one! All her friends, including Heather, thought that she was crazy for not dating him. They couldn’t understand why. However, Jilli knew that the right one will come. She had faith.

Jilli was dating like a man. She liked meeting new people and enjoyed the evenings out. She wanted to have fun! She did not sleep with them all. She simply went out with the men she met, in order to find out if any of them were the right ones. Unfortunately they were not. Heather couldn’t understand that. Heather believed in dating for weeks and weeks – even after realizing that the man was not a good match. Heather wasted her time, nerves, money and patience on the wrong men. Giving someone a chance is good, but when it’s obvious that the connection is wrong, why continue and torture each other?

Girls take your time and date. Do not worry what people think of you. I always say that one must chose wisely and make a good decision about whom they marry. Dating more men will show you what you want and don’t want in a partner. Consider it like gathering information by reading many books, and taking cars out for a test drive, until you find the car you want. If women would not be judged by society for dating like men, would we do it more often? Why do women get labeled “easy”, when all they want is to meet a nice guy, and not waste any time with the wrong one? I say bloody hell to all of those people that label you! Go ahead and date as many men as you like until you meet the right one.

Of course dating around also means that you get to have wild, pulse-stopping sexcapades and exciting adventures. However, I would advise you to keep this to yourself. Not everyone will understand and not everyone will be happy for you. There is a lot of jealousy out there and you do not need to attract this evil into your life. People love to judge and gossip. Tell your best friend, but for the rest, you should stay a mystery.

Girls, date around like a man. Live and love, do what makes you happy. Do what’s good for you! As long as you are respectful to others and your body, then everything is ok. The only one that can judge you, is you. So do yourself a favor and date a few different men until you meet the one that’s right for you. If they can do it, then why the hell can’t we? After all, girls should want to have fun! So go ahead, you have my blessing.

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The 1 out of 10 guy
The 1 out of 10 guy 1200 400 Galia Brener

Sounds like a funny yet terrible nickname, right? Unfortunately this label is not a good one and stems out of desperation. I created this nickname after an observation I made two weeks ago when I saw such a man working his tricks live in action. This is a type of man that has absolutely no standards or a qualification system, because he takes anything that he can get. His only requirement is a vagina. If one is there, then he will take it. He tries his pathetic luck with every woman that his eye catches, and 1 out of 10 will take the bait and go with him! Sadville.

 

Two weeks ago, I took the ICE train from Frankfurt to Munich. Unfortunately for me, the train drivers were striking that day, and there was a big chaos at the central train station. My friend and I jumped onto the Mannheim train because we could switch to the Munich one from there. Needless to say the train was completely full. We were lucky to get a seat at the bistro wagon. Across from us, I noticed a man starring at me. He was decent looking, what some would call “average”. He was tall, had dark grayish hair and was probably in his end 40s. He was in good shape and seemed friendly. Not an ugly man who would repulse anyone, but a normal guy. (Or so I thought!). I like to watch people, especially their behavior and interaction patterns.

 

The “1 out of 10 guy” saw that I was there with a man, but that fact didn’t bother him at all. He found his way into our conversation and flirted with me right in front of my friend – who could have actually been my boyfriend or husband. But 1/10-guy didn’t care. He just went straight for his target. He did not pique my interest because there was something a bit creepy about him – the way he kept starring me up and down from the corner of his eye. I kept to myself and did not engage in the conversation, so he got the point and backed off. Within 5 minutes he was chatting up another woman, yet still looking at me while flirting with her. Woman Nr. 2 wasn’t buying his sweet talk either. Next, he simply turned around in mid conversation and started talking to the woman on his other side – victim Nr. 3! She was a bit more gullible. She was buying into his charming talk, even though she clearly saw him flirting with 2 other women, right in front of her eyes! The train stopped in Mannheim and we had to switch.

 

We found another perfect spot in the bistro wagon. And guess what? Poof! Like magic, 1/10-guy appeared in the wagon and sat at a table in front of us. This gave me the perfect chance to observe the animal in his natural habitat. We had 2 more hours to go, and I kid you not, in this span of time, 6 women came and left his table! He even tried to chat up best friends that were sitting next to each other, to see who he could get. He was like a machine. He had no boundaries, no limits and absolutely no shame! Rejection, next. Rejection, next. Again, again and again. I was shocked by his ridiculously desperate persistence. Either he was an extremely horny man who hasn’t had sex in years, or was a psycho maniac, a rapist, or this was simply his normal behavior to lure someone into bed. Shocking.

 

What was even more shocking was the last one: woman Nr. 10. She boarded the train on the last station before Munich and sat beside him. She was about his age and already noticeably intoxicated. He ordered them both a glass of wine, just in case she doesn’t sober up before they arrive in Munich! She was speaking very loudly, in order to draw more attention to her. He needed a warm vagina and she needed attention – a match made in heaven. The train arrived in Munich and they both got out together. On his way out he gave me a nasty wink and left the train. Woman number 10 took the bait. He got her. We saw them kissing and getting into the taxi together. There we have it: out of 10 women, this dreadful guy managed to actually land 1!

 

Ladies he’s not the only one of this despicable sort. There are more of them out there. They go around trying their luck, sleeping with everything that moves. I wouldn’t want to see you become his next victim. Please do yourself a favor and be more observant, watch whom he speaks to, while eyeing you. Do not go home with a man like that. I don’t mean to be vulgar, but you don’t know which holes his penis visited a few hours before! It can also be very dangerous in regards to sexually transmitted diseases or he could be a rapist. Please turn your “awareness hat” on and make sure you don’t fall for his game. Unfortunately men like 1/10-guy don’t value women very much and only see them as objects for their bodily use. I don’t want to see you getting hurt by a repulsive man like that. You have standards and should choose a man who has standards as well. The right man should make you his queen and not woman Nr. 10 out of 10. You deserve to be number 1 – the one and only!

 

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Men like curves for sex
Men like curves for sex 1200 1181 Galia Brener
Ladies what I’m about to tell you may or may not be a shock for you. Men like curves on a women and love to hold onto something while having sex. They like to wrap their fingers around your bum and hips while taking you from the top, behind, sideways or on the washing machine. They like to feel flesh and have their hands full of your body while digging deep into you. Bones hurt them and they don’t like to cuddle with sharp painful objects.A good friend of mine – you know who you are – calls this “Fickfett”. It’s not supposed to sound vulgar or disgusting. It simply refers to the curvy sides on a woman’s body – aka the “love handles” – that a man loves to tightly grab while pulling his lover onto his hard penis. It’s hot, it’s feminine and it’s sensual. Why worry about the love handles bulging out of our jeans and settling like a flat tire around our belts, when it’s apparently the must-have natural sex accessory! I have asked many men about this topic and 90% answered the same thing – after the hot sex is finished, the men love to cuddle and lay on the warm and soft breasts, stomach or hips of their woman. They need the flesh and curves to feel her femininity. The remaining 10% said that they like very skinny and fragile women, but the majority definitely want curves.Curvy but not wobbly. My research continued and the guys told me that they don’t mind if the woman is of a larger size, but what all agreed on was that there has to be a somewhat “firmer” feeling to the body, but not necessarily muscular. Women that do sports are definitely on the priority list. Let’s be honest with ourselves ladies and admit that if we really make an effort and go to the gym, do yoga, aerobics or sports regularly, then we definitely see and feel the difference. Cellulite doesn’t bother them too much either. It’s a genetic issue and many women have it, even the super skinny models (I’ve seen it myself at a fashion show two weeks ago!) Working out gives you the firm curvy look and feel that men love to squeeze. And a lovely side effect is that it sounds and looks great if you’re into getting a slap or two on your bottom by your lover.I really like this part of my research, and ladies, you will be happy to hear this! A well-known UK lingerie brand called Bluebella made a survey by asking men and women what is the perfect woman’s body, compared to celebrity body parts. The results were that the man voted the ideal body for women to be much curvier than what the women voted for themselves! The ladies chose a thinner shape for themselves. The men mentioned examples of actresses with a round, curvy butt and hips. The females almost all chose thin models and actresses as their “perfect female body” examples. The men chose larger, curvier and even the stomach had a slight bulge! However, what both body images had in common was that both were toned and fit/firm.So after all of my research, I ask myself again, “Ladies, why do most of us always want to be thinner and make diets?” Do we do it for ourselves, or to look better for the men, or show off in front of other women? Because to be quite honest, staying really thin is very hard work and you have to give up on so many delicious things. We always joke with the girls that if there would be no men on the planet, we would simply eat all day and not care at all what size we are. Our dream jobs would be to eat all day and get paid for it. But the reality is that staying in good physical shape and health, with the help of sports, is important for ourselves and nobody else. The amazing thing is that after this research I see once again that men don’t expect us to be supper thin and skinny. So there is really no pressure for us to be a size zero. It’s just us women applying this pressure upon ourselves – for no reason at all!

I ate a cheesecake for dinner a few nights ago. My fickfett-loving friend bought it for me and said, “Eat.” I, like most women, have always had this desire to be skinny. However, I am slowly realizing that being skinny is not so necessary anymore. What’s really important is to simply stay in a healthy good shape. And if the men like round and fleshy curves to grab onto, then let’s give them something to squeeze!

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BDSM: from princess to whore and back?
BDSM: from princess to whore and back? 1408 1611 Galia Brener
BDSM = Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, Sadism and Masochism. More and more people are curious about this side of the sexual world, and are willing to try it out. Sex experiments definitely bring a thrill and forbidden pleasure to many couples, but have you ever thought of the negative effects this can have on a relationship? Can you simply switch from being his princess, to his dirty submissive worthless slut and then be his precious princess the next day again? Will there still be love and respect, or is the innocence of sweet love gone?

Respect: is one of the main ingredients to a healthy and happy relationship. When a situation occurs that make you question and/or lose respect to your partner, know that it is often the beginning of the end. Let me ask you to think of this scenario in your head for a minute, and be completely honest with yourself: You go to a fetish party with your man wrapped in latex, while you’re holding him on a dog leash and he crawls after you. Will you still see him as your strong loving protecting man and head-of-the-family figure the next day? Or is the respect gone?A friend of mine, let’s call her Lovely, was with her boyfriend Rex for about a year. Their relationship was good and she was happy. They had their occasional small fights, but all in all, she loved him. One day they passed by a fetish store and Rex suggested that they go inside. Hesitating, Lovely agreed. Rex told her that he wanted to try something new with their sex life. He picked out some things, showed it to her and bought it for them. The experiments started off “softly” with a silk ribbon to tie lovely’s wrists together, and a soft leather whip to tease her nipples and slap her gently on the bum. Lovely was not a huge fan of this bondage sex, but she was “ok” with it. She didn’t want to say no to him. She didn’t want to lose Rex. She didn’t want to appear old-fashioned or boring to him. Lovely thought that maybe with some time, she would start to like it as much as he does.

 

As the months flew by, Rex was becoming curious to try the “harder” BDSM things. He enjoyed being dominant and needed her submissiveness. They visited their friendly neighborhood fetish dealer again, and Rex bought more things. This time there were latex outfits, a whip with spikes on it, a ball gag, strong nipple clamps, spreader bar, restraint set, collar with D ring, anal plug, ropes to tie hands and feet, and more. Lately they have not been having “normal” sex anymore without his equipment, because he said it was boring. Lovely really missed the warm, passionate and loving sex they used to have. Rex was on a high from this new sex lifestyle and wanted more. After some arguments, Lovely agreed to try some of the harder things. She really hoped that because he loves her, he wouldn’t actually go too far and cause her pain. His sex fantasies were spinning out of control, and he called her horrible degrading names while taking her roughly from behind. It was becoming extremely humiliating and physically painful for Lovely, and she started questioning if he really loves her at all anymore. During their normal leisure time he became harsh and colder as well. He lost respect, and Lovely was beginning to hate him. Rex disgusted her. She ended the relationship and didn’t want to see his face again. Lovely heard in the Frankfurt grapevine that apparently he has gotten even worse now. He became a monster.

 

I have interviewed a few people that live the BDSM lifestyle and they told me that sometimes it’s hard to shut off the roles from one minute to the other. One partner may get possessed by crazy sex ideas, and the other does not follow, and many relationships have been damaged and ended after attempts at a BDSM lifestyle. I have been told that most of the time respect was lost for either one or both partners. Most of them said that causing someone physical pain is not love. One woman was even permanently damaged by the experience and still goes to therapy for it. She said that she could never trust another man, due to the fact that her ex lost respect for boundaries with her. One woman said that it was ok at the beginning and then became harder and painful, and she split up with her husband. What almost all of them said was once they started with BDSM, their partners didn’t want to have “normal” sex anymore. It was boring and too “vanilla plain” for them. Knowing this hurt them because without the sex gadgets, they were not good enough for them anymore. It’s like opening a can of worms, once you start with BDSM sex, the relationship will never be the same again. They said their partners didn’t look so innocently and lovingly at them anymore. Two women sent their husbands to a dominatrix and told them to get their thrill there. With real BDSM, there are no shades of grey at all – you are either all in for the hard game, or out.

 

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Sex on the first date?
Sex on the first date? 640 250 Galia Brener

We live in an age where traditions have become weaker, rules are not important and anything goes. Sleeping around is not so drastic anymore. Or is it? I have asked many of my male friends what their opinion was on this matter. I was very surprised that 75% of them said that they would rather wait with a girl that they really like, rather than jumping into bed right away with her. Most of them answered: No sex on the first date!

Here are the reasons why the men said “No”:

1. If she sleeps with me on the first date, she probable does that same with all the other men as well. I don’t want to have a girlfriend like that.

2. If you get sex right away, there is nothing left to top it off on the next dates.

3. We are hunters and need a challenge! We want to work for the cookie, and not get it easily right away. There’s no fun or excitement in that.

4. If I really like the girl, then I prefer to get to know her first. This builds up the passion and feelings.

5. This shows she respects herself, and I respect her even more for that.

Wow ladies, now that’s what I call some honest answers. Hope is not completely lost – there are still men out there with a gentleman-like outlook on life that are looking for true love and not just fast sex. This is very encouraging for us!

This brings me to Ambrosia’s story. She met a guy at the gym. He is average height, has dark thick hair and ice-colored blue eyes. He’s been flirting with her for a while now, and two weeks ago he finally made his move and asked her out. She agreed and was quite excited because she was very attracted to him. He took her out for a very nice dinner and show. After they went for drinks and had a perfect evening. She called me from the bathroom and asked if she should take him home with her. My gut feeling told me – No! I advised her to let him walk her to the door, thank him for a wonderful evening, allow him to kiss her, give him a tight hug, smile warmly and go upstairs – alone. She didn’t listen to me and took him home. They drank more upstairs, got drunk and had wild sex. Starting upstairs, the date lost its perfect magical feeling, and was more about the sex. They both enjoyed it very much, but surprise surprise; he didn’t call for days after. He sent her an sms 5 days later, saying he was busy. She summoned up the courage to ask why he was behaving so coldly all of a sudden. No joke, this is what he replied, “Ambrosia, you’re a fun girl, and we had a wild night. But I’m looking for something more serious.” She was shocked. She told him that she also wants something serious, and he said, “Do you do the same thing with every man you go out with on the first night – calling this your serious intention?” Ok I have to admit, the guy seems like a jerk, and used the situation, however it does show that she left a wrong impression on him.

Most men will jump at a chance to sleep with you on the first date, but are willing to wait if they really like you. Sure there are some couples that get together after sex on the first date, and even end up getting married – but the percent is much lower to those that actually take the time to get to know each other first.

Another thing the guys told me was that if he disappears after the first dates without sex and doesn’t stay around to get to know you better, than he was only after the sex. You don’t need such a man always. Ciao and next! Waiting to have sex is a wonderful and natural way of selection to see who is really into you, and who only wants your body for a few nights. Waiting with sex also allows you to build up feelings for the person, which will intensify the first sexual encounter and make it even more phenomenal. Sex with feeling is the best, even on the first time!

I agree with the guys that I interviewed, because in my opinion, I always like to get to know the man before. We live in a world where everything is rushed – and patience is almost nonexistent – so why not work against this system and take the time to get to know this new person in our life? What’s with this insane haste to have sex? Maybe this seems like old-fashioned to you, but why not go back to the courting era where dating actually meant something special, and not just getting into her panties? I see nothing wrong with letting the man romance us first. Going out for dinners and talking into the late night hours – learning to feel for this person, before jumping into bed – is such a nice luxury these days, so why not allow ourselves the time to enjoy this luxury? Most of the men told me that at the beginning, mental stimulation separates the woman who will simply become a sex affair or their next girlfriend. If you’re interested in the man for just a sex fling then go ahead, jump his bones. But for something serious, please take your time. It’s worth the wait and he will respect you even more for it.

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