happiness

Addicted to love!
Addicted to love! 1354 437 Galia Brener

Love, like sex and drugs can become a serious addiction. There’s a simple explanation for this. When you fall in love, your brain releases endorphins, which is the feel-good chemical that is responsible for making you very happy. These wonderful chemicals give us a feeling of euphoria – a natural high! They also suppress hunger, which explains why we are not so hungry when we first fall in love. Eventually the normal daily grind starts, and the love is not so new and thrilling anymore. The rush is gone, or even worse, if the couple breaks up, what happens then? The brain and body desperately want that high again, and this can lead to making bad decisions. Can it be that we are addicted to the “feeling” of love?

Love is very nice to have, but if you are single at the moment, does that mean that you cannot be the happiest that you can ever be? Nothing is certain in life – you might meet your future partner tomorrow, or in one year, but what should you do in the mean time? Sit depressed at home, wishing for someone to hug and kiss you? No, Definitely not! This addiction to the feeling of love is very dangerous for two main reasons:

Reason 1: the brain equates that love = happiness. Meaning, if you have no (romantic) love in your life, then you are not happy. What a horribly depressive thought! Unfortunately this has been so deeply engraved into some people’s minds and hearts, that they cannot eliminate it anymore.

Reason 2: some people will end up taking the next best thing that comes along, in order not to be alone. Why make such a huge compromise and take someone that you know is not good enough for you, simply to have someone beside you? I always say that it’s better to be single than with an idiot.

My friend Heather was a woman that equated her happiness with having a man in her life. If she was single, then her world was not so pink anymore. She had times when she felt sad and lonely, and even slightly depressed. She walked around the city, especially in the cold wintertime, and saw all the couples holding hands, and kissing, and she wanted to have that so desperately. She cried many times to me how much she missed a man and love in her life. After a few years of being single, she realized that she couldn’t wait until the next man came along to finally feel happy again. She had to change her thinking ASAP! Her therapist said that she had to introduce other things into her life, apart from love, which fulfilled her and made her happy. She had to trigger those damn endorphins in a new way, and not depend on the addiction to love anymore! When Heather finally changed her thinking, many people who haven’t seen her in a while asked, “Do you have a new love? You look so relaxed and happy!” she now laughs in return and says, “Since when is having a partner the only thing that dictates a person’s happiness in life?”

Thankfully, there are other things that trigger that “happy feeling” you get when first falling in love. For example:

1. Do a vigorous workout, and your body will be happily exhausted. You will get the “runner’s high” and be completely satisfied after.

2. Eating a bit of dark chocolate during the day does wonders for the feeling of happiness.

3. Take ginseng everyday. It works well to release endorphins.

4. Find reasons to laugh. Watch a funny show or go to a comedy club.

5. Eat something spicy! Chili peppers release endorphins.

6. Shopping helps as well. No need to spend a fortune, but treat yourself to something nice once in a while.

7. Masturbation makes you happy. No partner? No problem! Nothing wrong with grabbing your vibrator, having a nice orgasm to start the day and enhancing your happiness!

8. Hobbies are a great way to spend time with yourself and doing what makes YOU happy.

9. Get your shit done and don’t procrastinate with important things! The less weight and worries you have on your shoulders, the happier you will be!

As you can see, being addicted to love and having your happiness depend on it can be quite dangerous. Take your mind off the need and addiction of “having to have” love, and start taking care of yourself. I know that there are so many things that you could be doing for yourself right now in order to make you feel happy. Life is happening right NOW, and there is no point of thinking of happiness in the future – when you finally have that love again! Live now. Enjoy now – regardless if you have that love in your life or not! The best part is that when you are busy doing those other things, your true love will come and surprise you when you least expect it…

How I got in good shape
How I got in good shape 1354 437 Galia Brener
This one is for the ladies and gentlemen who have asked me how I managed to drop 10 kg and succeeded at looking better, healthier and fitter. This article marks the 2-year Anniversary of writing my column, so I will open up to you today, and tell you how I personally managed my big transformation this year.

It all started on January 1st 2014, when I didn’t fit into my favorite jeans anymore. It was the day after New Year’s Eve, and I looked around the flat, disgusted by the fast food boxes from the nights before. I wasn’t happy with my body, excess fat and cellulite anymore. It always annoyed me to hear people talking about doing sports, getting fit and working out. Even worse were the people talking about eating healthy food, salads, less carbs, blah blah blah. I thought, “How pathetic, what kind of life is that?” I only had pizza and burgers on my mind. I liked to show off that I could eat whatever and whenever I want to. One day, my best friend showed me a bikini photo of us from the previous summer in Ibiza. I was shocked. My stomach was hanging over the bikini bottoms and the cellulite was all over my thighs. My upper arms were flabby and my bum was much more than what I bargained for. I know that happiness comes from the inside, and we should love ourselves no matter what we look like, but I wasn’t happy with what I saw in the mirror. I wanted to be fit and toned!

The very first thing I changed was not to eat after 6pm. I don’t mean no carbs after 6pm, but rather nothing at all! Of course I drink water and tea, but no food at all after this hour. I go to sleep around midnight, so that leaves me with 6 hours to digest the food I ate in the early evening. What I noticed right away was how amazingly flat my stomach was when waking up in he morning! I feel light, and sleep better – since the body is not working on digesting the food that I would usually eat at 9pm or later. I do have to warn you though: it was a living hell at the beginning. The first two weeks were horrendous torture. I would walk around my flat hungry and angry like a monster. What worked was to go to sleep earlier in order to avoid this feeling. After a few weeks, my stomach and body got used to not eating after 6pm, and it was completely normal for me. The nice thing is that I don’t have the energy ups and downs anymore, but rather a constant energy flow throughout the day. I make the rare exception and eat later if I’m out for dinner with friends, but try not to break this rule very often.

I start my day at 8am with a cup of coffee and a big glass of water. I have breakfast around 10am, and eat something light, like cereal, eggs or a small sandwich. I’m not a believer in the Atkins or low-carb diet. I’ve done them and the Ketogenic diet as well, but it’s not for me. Carbs make me super happy, and I can’t deny myself of eating them. Life is short and we have to enjoy! I eat my lunch around 2pm. For me, lunch is the most important meal, and not breakfast. For lunch I usually eat a large salad with chicken or turkey inside. I like Caesar salad, and I’m not afraid to eat the dressing that goes with it, and some bread too. Fish is also good, stuffed peppers, or roasted chicken with vegetable – even with baked, boiled or mashed potatoes. I also like steaks, and once in a while eat it with French fries. I don’t deprive myself of anything! I eat what I love, but all in healthy doses. I still eat burgers, but only 1 or 2 times a month. I eat Thai food, with rice, chicken and vegetables. What I really love is sushi. Soups, vegetable sticks and fruit are great snacks for in between. I don’t eat pizza or pasta – personally for me, it’s too heavy. I usually make a nice sandwich around 5 – 6 pm with fresh vegetables on the side. I don’t eat big things for dinner, mostly a soup, wrap, salad or sandwich. I don’t usually eat desserts, cakes or pastries, because I never liked the heavy sweet taste. However, I’m not afraid to eat a few small pieces of dark chocolate during the day, because it makes me happy.

Around February, I decided to add some fun physical activity again. I tried yoga years before and thought it to be horribly boring and hippie-infested. This year I decided to try it again, and chose a dynamic course. I loved it! It melts the daily stress away, leaving me relaxed and happy. I noticed my muscles slowly developing. It looked sexy, so I started doing yoga twice a week. In April I watched a movie from the 80’s and saw a woman doing some funny Jane Fonda moves at home. A silly thought came into my head, “Why don’t I do this at home?” So I started with sit-ups, push-ups, bum busters, squats and the side plank hip lifts. I started with a small amount of 20 times on each side, and 3 sets. Now I progressed to 50 times and 3 sets. Take your own time and start slowly. Getting in shape takes time and patience! I now also use 2kg weights, and do 30 curls on each side for my biceps and triceps, and also in 3 sets. Depending on my muscle pain the next day, I either skip a day or do these exercises everyday at home. It takes a total of 1 hour for me. I wake up earlier to do them, or in the evening after work. This with yoga 2-3 times a week does the trick for me! I’m not a jogger, and never liked it. It’s boring for me and tough on the knees. But if you like it, then it’s a great cardio workout. I walk around the entire city from appointment to appointment, which is my cardio each day. Sports really help to get rid of cellulite. I see a huge difference, and am so happy with the results!

Last but not least, my most important achievement this year was to quit smoking. Gone are the stinky, horrible, expensive and nasty cancer sticks! It’s been 136 days now, and I don’t plan to touch them ever again. I can’t believe how much more energy I have without smoking. Walking fast and climbing stairs is so much easier now. I gained 3kg as soon as I quit, but I compensated with more sports, and thankfully lost those bloody kilos again. Stopping to smoke slowed my metabolism down, but I noticed that my body is getting back to normal, and is digesting quicker without the nicotine again. It takes time. For those that say I look better now, it’s definitely the non-smoking. The skin heals and renews itself. Also the healthier food and sports help to regenerate the body. What also helps me is 8 hours of sleep, and not drinking much alcohol. I drink wine about 3 times a month, but only a few glasses, and no alcohol at home. Of course don’t forget the usual: drink lots and lots of water, blah blah. No seriously, it really helps. I also take multi vitamins everyday. I won’t lie to you, getting into shape is hard at the beginning. However once you start and see results, you won’t be able to stop. You will feel so happy and proud of yourself! You will be healthier and your clothes will fit you better, and of course this increases the self-confidence a lot. Now I’m one of those annoying people bothering my friends about health and sports, and guess what? I will never go back to the way I was before. New life, new Gali. Come and join my “New-Me-Revolution!”

Web: www.facebook.com/yesnomaybegalia

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Want to be happy?
Want to be happy? 1354 437 Galia Brener

Do you fantasize of the future, when you will have success in your career, a nice house, a wonderful partner to share your life with, that fast car that will get you all the fun and attention you desire, or the day you go on a warm holiday to Bali? Do you think to yourself, “When I will have this, then I will be happy and enjoy life.”? While you a dreaming of these things, life is passing you by. If you are relying on other people or things to make you happy, then you are making a big mistake.

My friend Gloria was in a relationship with a guy for three years. She told me many times how happy he made her, and how much better life was with him. To make a long story short, after the three years went by, he did not want to make a permanent commitment to her. He said he didn’t know when or if he wants to get married, or have kids at all. They broke up because there was no future for them. Needless to say, her world was shattered. She was depressed, horrified and overfilled with tears and pain for an entire year. She said, “Gali, he’s gone, and I will never be happy again. There is no one here to make me happy anymore.” This was a big statement that scared me very much. I tried to show her that this happiness must now come from inside of her, that’s the only way to survive this emotional pain. But she didn’t listen, and kept sinking lower into her depression. Last month she met a new man, and she is happy again, running around and singing. Can’t she see how dangerous it is that she can only be happy when having a man in her life? What happens if this one leaves as well? Then life is over again? Putting your own happiness in someone else’s hands is very volatile and risky. Happiness should be controlled by you, and not another person or new thing that you buy.

If you want to find yourself at a state of constant equilibrium, you cannot place your happiness in the hands of anyone else. You cannot control what someone will do to you, yet your reaction to it is your karma! Buying new things and going on holiday is nice, but if this is the only way for one to be happy, then there is a big problem. Sometimes there are situations when money is not always around, or the big love has disappeared – and then what? Life is over? So how do you generate happiness from the inside? I went through some harsh experiences with my private and career life the last few years, and I can understand what it feels like to be at the bottom. We have two choices. We either let ourselves fall lower into misery and become victims, or fight out of the black hole and create happiness for ourselves. Here is a list that helps me to keep my happiness and positivity:

1. I wake up in the morning healthy and alive, and that’s already a huge reason to be happy. I get out of bed, and say thank you out loud with a smile everyday.

2. Even if you feel sad, force yourself to smile, because this action releases dopamine – the feel-good chemical. If you think it looks stupid, go to a place where no one sees you, and smile – in the bathroom at the office or on your couch in the evening. It’s a really amazing trick that actually works!

3. Sport relives stress, and makes you feel amazing that you did something good for you! You don’t even need the gym, and can do it at home like I do. After working out, I feel a rush of happiness and gratification that I’m treating my body well.

4. When eating, take the time to enjoy your food. Taste it, and try to eat slower than usual. Don’t forget how fortunate you are to have a healthy stomach that can digest the food, and a healthy mouth and teeth that can chew. I had a cold two weeks ago and couldn’t taste my food. When it was gone, I realized how something small like tasting food could be so wonderful!

5. Spend as much time with family and friends as you can. These are the people that love you unconditionally. Get rid of all toxic people in your life that harm you.

6. During the day take a small moment, look up at the sky and say thank you for being here, healthy and alive. And smile.

7. If you’re healthy – even more or less – be grateful because that’s really something that cannot be bought or earned. Health is something that you are blessed with, so try to do all you can to keep it strong and with you.

8. If you have a weak or sad moment, start counting your blessings and think of all the positive things that are in your life now. This tricks the brain to think of the positive rather than negative things.

9. No love in your life now? My grandfather always said that what one year doesn’t do, one minute can change! So you never know what’s around the corner, and coming towards you. Feel the strong faith inside that your special one will come – it might happen sooner than you think!

10. Find something that you like and enjoy. If it’s reading, writing, watching your favorite series, painting, masturbating, cooking or eating, do something once a day that you truly enjoy. Find a hobby that occupies your time, and which you really enjoy. This brings pleasure and joy.

11. If your brain sends you negative thoughts, counteract them right away with positive happy thoughts. Trick the brain to replace negative with positive as soon as they appear.

12. I like to play house music from the 90s in the evening or morning when doing my sports or housework. It makes me happy to dance around my flat and act silly. I don’t care who sees me from my windows. I’m happy in that moment, and I smile to myself as well.

13. Action and not inertia. If you have something to deal with, do it now! Don’t keep important things that must be done for another day. You will see that you will have a tremendous feeling of relief and happiness when you get your shit done now, and not procrastinate. You will sleep better.

14. In one ear and out the other. Be Teflon. If someone hurts you or gossips about you, let it roll off of you life Teflon. Who cares? It’s usually jealousy anyways. Smile and move on. Let them gossip, it means you’re important enough for them to think about you. Leave revenge to Lady Karma – don’t get your hands dirty. (Same applies for bad loves and jobs, exes, colleagues, etc)

15. Money, nice things, good sex and food, holidays, etc are all bonuses in life. Be satisfied with the bare minimum, and enjoy when these bonuses come, because they are not the true meaning of life. The good bonuses will be graced upon you, if you know how to be happy with the minimum.

If you are at a balanced and happy state, no matter what hard things life throws at you, you will always be able to deal with it, and not allow it to destroy you! Also if you truly love yourself, then you can properly love someone else. Being in a relationship with a happy person is the best thing that you can give or have. I’ve learned the hard way that true happiness is not an external factor, and can only come from within. Depend on yourself for the happiness, because only you can truly love and give yourself, what you expect others to give you. And if they do, see it as a bonus in life and don’t take it for granted. Do you want to be truly happy? So what’s stopping you? Start now, it’s your own decision and choice!

Galia Brener on facebook

Yoga 4 inner peace in a crazy world
Yoga 4 inner peace in a crazy world 1354 437 Galia Brener
I must admit that for many years I thought of yoga as a very cheesy new age thing that must be avoided at all cost. I come from a martial arts background – I did Karate and Kung Fu for a while. I evaded yoga for as long as I could, backing out of every chance and offer to try it. I thought I would fall asleep during a class while the hippies were chanting their OMs, and imagined everyone naked in a big orgy in the changing rooms. Needless to say, yoga was as far away from my world, as meat is for vegans. Until one day, a cute guy I was dating back then convinced me to join him in a class, and I met my beautiful teacher, and now friend, Saskia D. Little did I expect this funny thing called yoga to change my life so much.

My close friend Gloria went through a tough bitter breakup with her boyfriend this year. I remember when they met it was like a scene from a movie. We were at a bar opening and she went to the bathroom. When she came out to wash her hands, she looked at herself in the mirror, and looked into her eyes. Yet somehow her eyes looked slightly different. She was confused for a split second, but then she realized there was no mirror hanging on the wall. It was connected to the men’s bathroom with shared sinks. She was actually staring into a handsome man’s eyes and not her own! Matt was washing his hands right across from her, and they had the same eye color. Needless to say, it was love at first sight!

Two years passed by, and Gloria decided to continue her education. She wanted to get an MBA and have a good job. Matt didn’t like this idea. He wanted her always by his side and didn’t want her to spread her wings. They had horrendous fights about this, and he said she either starts a family immediately with him or they break up. Gloria had to actually beg him to study! Instead of being supportive of her, he tried to manipulate her to do as he wants. Fight after fight, the relationship got weaker and harder for Gloria to deal with. She longed for her dream job and an education to be proud of! Matt wouldn’t have it her way. It was either his way or the highway! He broke up with her, and Gloria felt her world shatter into many pieces. Matt married the next thing that came along, but his dreams for a family still didn’t come true. Maybe karma, maybe not, but the fact that he kicked Gloria out of his life simply because she wanted to better herself, was respect less and actually a sin.

Gloria didn’t know what to do. She loved him so much, and the pain was so strong that she was simply lost. She tried therapy and even medication, but nothing worked. She was dead inside and couldn’t feel anything anymore. One day her mother gave her a gift certificate to Balance Yoga in Frankfurt. She started going there, and over the months saw a dramatic improvement. Not only did she loose the “extra relationship kilos”, but she also started losing the pain. Gloria said that while doing yoga, she didn’t think of her ex at all, and her mind could finally rest for those 90 minutes during the class. Yoga was the only thing that gave her release from her intense anxiety and sadness after the breakup. Gloria still can’t explain why and how, but yoga helped her to let go of the hurt in her body and heart. Doing intense yoga would exhaust her to the point where she came home, dropped into bed, and slept without disturbance. She said that yoga “balanced” her emotions – and she didn’t need the anti depressives anymore that her doctor prescribed after the breakup. Piece by piece, her heart was healing, and pain was melting away. Yoga allowed her to start “feeling” again.

Being a Kung Fu panda myself, I believe in using energies to heal what’s damaged in the body. I have also experienced some hardships this year, and have to agree with Gloria. Yoga has some magical power, which helps to disengage from your problems and allow inner peace to enter your body and heart again. I can’t tell you how the magic works, but it does. As much as I doubted yoga before, it also helped me to work on my problems and helped heal my sorrows. I can highly recommend it to you all, and we also have men in our group as well. If you are going through some problems, yoga can definitely help to bring peace of mind and balance back into your life again. It also helps to warm up and stretch your muscles, so you leave the class feeling 10 feet tall, and stronger than before! Helping your flexibility, yoga affects the way you walk and move your body. It adds sex appeal, boosts the self-confidence, not to mention make your body look smoking hot! So instead of crying your guts out after losing a job, or a breakup, go to a yoga studio and do something good for yourself. Life is short, so why get stuck on a man that didn’t even appreciate you?

Start loving yourself more, and this will attract good people into your life that will love you too – maybe even your true love ❤

Web: www.facebook.com/yesnomaybegalia

Galia Brener on RTL Explosiv – 08.09.2014
Galia Brener on RTL Explosiv – 08.09.2014 1354 437 Galia Brener

Here is my honest opinion regarding the Bachelorette’s love. I wish them all the best and lots of luck for their new love! :-) Interview at the Night of the Stars 2014.

Deal with your shit!
Deal with your shit! 1354 437 Galia Brener

Wouldn’t is be so nice to run away from all of your problems and pretend they simply don’t exist? Or imagine making a beautiful black wooden box, filling it up with all of your problems, and then burying it somewhere in the woods, or maybe even burning the box – and POOF, like magic – your problems are gone? Dream on. Unless you deal head on with your problems, they will not disappear. In fact, if you ignore or push them away, they will sneak up on you and hunt you down when you least expect it!

My very good friend Tony is experiencing this problem right now. He and his ex girlfriend broke up about half a year ago. She was and always will be his only true love. He told me many times that she is his soul mate, and he could always be himself only around her. He often told her “I feel at home with you, and you are my family.” She never judged him, and always supported his goals and path in life. He was able to let the child in him out around her, and he felt truly loved and understood only by her. To make a long story short, they broke up for reasons I cannot mention. For him it was like a huge piece of his heart was ripped out of his body, and he was hurting very deeply after the breakup. For her the pain was even more intense. However, both dealt with it in completely different ways. She cried her heart out for months, did lots of sports, got into amazing shape, developed her new business and worked out through the emotional stress and pain. She paid respect to herself, him and the relationship, and didn’t jump onto the next best man to ease her pain. She stayed alone and dealt with the breakup!

Tony on the other hand, did the complete opposite. He couldn’t deal with the pain and being alone, so he jumped onto the “third best” thing. We were all shocked to see whom he chose after his beautiful ex! The new older lady presents him with financial stability, and he is simply “comfortable” using the situation and “parking” with her. There is no deep passion running through his veins, and no blood pumping in his heart, which drives Tony crazy with love – and the sex is not that special either. His pain was masked over at first, but after some months, he found himself thinking more and more about his ex, and missing her a lot! The new lady feels that he still loves his ex, and this drives her crazy! Tony misses his true love, her touch, her smile and scent. He misses her caresses, the passionate kisses, the fun quirky character, the long talks about life and everything else on the planet. She is unlike any other women he ever knew! True love cannot just “disappear” or be substituted by some third-best option. They have been through a lot together, and such a strong bond cannot be easily replaced. I told him, had he dealt with his shit the right way, none of this would be happening. I have pity for her because it hurts very much to know that he will never love her even close to as much as he loves his ex. The new older lady tries to hang onto him with her claws and teeth… but he is slipping away.

“Working out our shit” is not only connected to love problems, but also with everyday life occurrences. For example, if you have a debt to pay out, bills, something hurts you and you haven’t checked it out at the doctor yet, you had a fight with your best friend, get a new job, lose weight, your car sounds strange, or that thing you’ve been meaning to do for years now, finish your taxes, get rid of a phobia, stop smoking or drinking, or whatever it is you need to do and have been pushing away to the side! If you don’t deal with your problems the right way, they will only cause you extreme stress and anxiety. They will sit and eat away at your brain, creating one stressful worry after another! The only way to stop this madness is to get up, take action, and solve your issues! “Action” is the only way to attack and solve problems. The most amazing thing is that once you find your power and courage to simply start, the solution will slowly come to you in the process as well. However, this will only happen if you are willing to take the first step, and take action.

Ladies and gentlemen the best advice I can give you, after falling down myself a few times is: No matter how tough things seem to be, take the first step of action. It’s ok to take baby steps at first, but it’s important to start and not drag things out! Do not burry the pain or hide the problems for a later time, find your courage and deal with your shit ASAP, or else your shit will deal with you! If it deals with you, it may bring with it health issues, stress, illness, anxiety or even paranoia. Life is a bitch, and we must all deal with our own given dosage of shit. So unless we find the courage to take action, we will be left swept aside as “victims” of our problems. And trust me, you don’t want to be a poor victim in life. Pity is handed out for free, and jealousy must be earned!

5 steps to get rid of expectations.
5 steps to get rid of expectations. 1024 683 Galia Brener

Two weeks ago I had brunch with my close friends and our mothers. As usual we were chatting about life, career and love. My friend’s mama told me that she read my article about expectations killing relationships. She liked the article, and wanted further details about how does one actually get rid of these evil expectations? This week my dear friends and readers, I have compiled a list of how to get rid of these expectations. These things have really helped me in the past:

1. Concentrate on the “NOW” – I think that expectations have something to do with the future and not living in the present. Thoughts like, “When I get this and that, my life will be good, and I will be happy.” show that you are living with future expectations. The future and past do not really exist, because only the present moment does. Living fully and enjoying every second now helps us to be happy at this moment, and not rely on future fulfillment of expectations to make us happy!

2. Be satisfied with yourself – Choose to be happy and satisfied with yourself, and never rely on anyone else for your happiness. I have learned that being happy in my own choice. After falling on my face a few times, I don’t expect others to make me happy anymore. This satisfaction comes from me now, and everything else given to me by others is a “bonus”, and not an “expectation”. Funny thing though, the less I truly expect, the more I get.

3. Nobody owes us anything – I think that nobody owes us anything in this world. The nice things we get are bonuses, but never owed to us. I believe that expectations are the evil voice of our ego – the ego always wants more and more, and only me, me, me. The ego tells you, “I am so great, and I deserve everything because they owe it to me!” And if these expectations don’t get fulfilled then disappointment and sadness come, which causes harm to our happiness and balance in life.

4. Love others – The more love you give, the more love you get. You will notice that if you love your partner truly and freely, and without expectations of getting something in return, this love will be given back to you automatically! As soon as you start mixing it with expectations, for example “If I do this for him, then he will do this for me too.” Or “If I give her this present, then she will love me more.” That’s when the system starts to break down, and the expectations kill the positive flow. Give love freely and don’t think of what you get back in return. It’s not a business deal. You don’t give in order to get. You give because you want to.

5. Get rid of rose-tinted glasses – Accept others as they are and get rid of fairytale expectations. Most of us, including myself, have an ideal of how we want our partners to be, look like, behave, etc. We meet someone new, get into a relationship, and try to project these expectations on that person. Wrong. This is what gets us into trouble in the first place. I once made a mistake when I met my partner. I built in my head an image of this “Big strong almighty man”, and put him on a pedestal. The problem was that he was not at all like the man I created in my head! I was so blinded by my own rose-tinted glasses that I didn’t see the true man in front of me – who was not the wonderful, loving and caring man who I thought he was. You must see the person as they truly are, let them be themselves, and only then will you find out if s/he a good match for you or not! On the positive note, it can happen that you might be surprised that their “true self” is even better than what you had expected.

I know that it is hard to get rid of expectations in life and love. However, these expectations are what kill relationships. What we want and feel we deserve is not always what we get, and we must deal with that fact. The interesting thing that I noticed is that as soon as I dropped all expectations, the things I really wanted started coming into my life automatically! So my advise to you would be to make a little experiment and try to drop all expectations for a month, and see what happens… you will be very pleasantly surprised.

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