PHILOSOPHY OF LIFE

Don’t fight, talk it out!
Don’t fight, talk it out! 1200 400 Galia Brener

Love is a wonderful thing, because it inspires one to be the best they can be. However, love alone is not enough to make a relationship successful. For this, love’s best friend, named “Communication” must come in and do its support work.

 

Unfortunately today, more people tend to break up, rather than fight for their love. It’s almost as if we are losing our energy and willpower to hold onto this concept. Giving it up and resting for a bit sounds like a real relief. “So what?” we think, surely the next one, or even a better one shall come along? However, that is not always the case. When did we lose our ability to open up our mouths and tell our partner what we need, feel and think?

 

An acquaintance of mine, lets call her Carla, is married to a national football player. When they first met, they were crazy about each other. They had wild passionate sex in every place imaginable! After a while, the sex went from everyday, to twice a week, and eventually twice a month. It was horrible, because Carla felt rejected and unattractive. This pushed her to do strange diets, which made her walk around constantly hungry and aggressive. Her self-esteem vanished and she even considered some unnecessary plastic surgery to make her husband hungry for her again! One day, we were having lunch, and I told her to sit down and talk to him like she was doing with me. I told her to pretend that he is just her friend and spill her guts out to him. Carla was horrified at this idea, thinking that he will use her honesty against her in some future argument, or that he will think that she is weak and pathetic. Finally she had the nerves to do this. After a bottle of Barolo, Carla opened up her heart to him. She told him things that she never told another living soul! She told him about her insecurity and fear of losing him. He was sure that she would have another hysterical fit like she always did, but this time she stayed calm. Her honest and relaxed way of speaking both surprised him and deeply touched his heart. He admitted to her that he was depressed because she always walked around the house angry and didn’t seem to notice him at all anymore. Plus she lost so much weight and he missed her curvier figure. Carla was so happy to hear this! At the end, both were suffering from the same reason. Lack of communication and honesty! Ever since that conversation, they have kept their communication lines open and are happier now than ever! They saved their love!

 

We have many reasons for lack of communication with our partners. Perhaps we are scared to lose them? Or don’t want to start a fight again and again? Or we feel that they wont understand us? For example, you two are going out for dinner and you make yourself beautiful. He comes home after a long day at work, gets ready for the dinner, and doesn’t comment on how amazing you look. You ask yourself, “Why doesn’t he compliment me anymore?” This makes you sad. You are quieter than usual, and he senses the tension between you. He asks what’s wrong, and you say…”Nothing.” Ladies, we have all been there. Maybe not in this exact situation, but we have all been guilty of saying, “Nothing is wrong”, when in reality, you want to hit him on the head with your purse, like those grandmothers in the classic movies! Wouldn’t it be nice if men were really as psychic as we wish them to be? In reality, they have no clue what the hell is going on in our heads when we say, “Nothing is wrong”, while we are boiling inside! Of course it’s easier to go and complain to our friends about him, but this will not solve the problem. Instead, take the situation into your hands, open your mouth and tell him what’s wrong.

 

With every misunderstanding and fight, you add “frustration drops” into an invisible bucket. Eventually it gets too full – meaning that all the crap adds up on top of the other until it eventually blows up into a huge argument – which may lead to a separation. I also made the experience that men simply shut down at displays of hysterics, screams, emotional outbursts, bitchiness and accusations. Pick a time when both of you are in a good mood and start the conversation in a calm and relaxed way. Do not do this directly after a fight, because both sides are still angry, and open communication will not work properly. Hurtful words will be said because that’s when the evil ego is at its strongest – waiting to defend itself and attack! Wait until the emotions and temper have cooled down.

 

Open your mouth and talk. Try to get over the stupid ego and open yourself up to your partner. If they truly love you, then they wont judge you. By the way, same rules apply for friendships, work situations, family, etc. Be the smart one and start a new way of open communication with the ones you love. It’s worth it! Besides, you will see what a huge relief it is to share your true thoughts, feeling and fears. Don’t fight… talk it out!

 

www.facebook.com/galiabrener

 

_MG_8565

10 points to avoid falling for a player!
10 points to avoid falling for a player! 1200 400 Galia Brener

 

 

Welcome to an age where things move so fast, that even the aliens are almost ready to visit us. We live in a time where everyone is on the go, looking for bigger and better things. The ultimate career, the handsome alpha male husband, the top flawless figure, a bigger house, faster car, younger girlfriend – or maybe even two. The list goes on and on. More, bigger, faster, better. But in such a demanding and consuming society, where does this leave matters of the heart? Always wanting bigger and better, have we forgotten to slow down, smell the roses and fully open our hearts to true love?

 
My good friend Heather Klein is a very loving, sweet and sensitive girl. One evening we went out for drinks, and she met a handsome man. He was tall and muscular, had pitch-black hair like a raven, and yellow-green eyes. He looked like a supernatural Rembrandt painting. I found him to be very mysterious, but somewhat too “creepy” for my taste – it was his strange yellow eyes that made me feel almost uncomfortable. However Heather was mesmerized beyond belief by him. After a little while, the bartender served Heather a cold glass of champagne, compliments from “Mr. Raven” across the bar. Heather shot him a smile mixed with innocence and seduction – and so the game has begun. He came over to us, his eyes burning and fixated on Heather. They were inseparable the entire evening, talking about life, literature, art and their adventures. I was extremely happy to see an exuberant smile on Heather’s face, because it’s been a while since her ex cold-heatedly left her without looking back.

 
Heather and Mr. Raven started seeing each other. He took her out for nice dinners, dancing, and long walks along the river Main. Her feelings for him grew more intense each day, however there were things that bothered her. For example, there were days when he did not contact her at all, and if she would write him, it took a day or longer for him to answer, even though he was online quite often. He was never available for her on the weekends, and didn’t introduce her to any of his friends. He didn’t plan dates with her in advance, and usually just wrote text messages, asking her to meet with him spontaneously in the evening. It seemed like he had many other “engagements” to take care of simultaneously. She felt in her heart that he was a player, yet she liked him so much! Two weeks have passed, and she slept with him for the first time. After that romantic Saturday evening in bed, he left her flat early the next day. The dates became less frequent, and the month after he stopped writing her all together, saying that he had a new project at work which occupied most of his time.

 

Last week we were at the Sullivan Bar, and saw the “new project” that was occupying him. The project was tall, blonde, slim and very beautiful. He saw Heather from across the bar, but this time no champagne was sent to her. She only received a pitiful stare, which made her heart bleed from the sheer coldness of it. She came home with a heavily tear-stained face, and melted onto her historic polished wood floors. She couldn’t stop crying. Heather has been played in the cruelest way – by a man in disguise – pretending to look for love.

 

Ladies and gentlemen, “the player” comes in all forms, shapes and sizes – so be aware! Unfortunately for the kind and sweet ones, the ones who open up their heart and soul to these monsters, they don’t know what hit them until it’s too late. However, these creatures can be identified, if close attention is paid to these facts:

 
1. Communication is never constant with a player. One day you can be texting many times back and forth, and the next day or two you won’t hear a thing from them. They can be online, but won’t answer you.

2. They have many friends of the opposite sex. Of course they are only “friends”. Some might actually be friends, but most are usually the ones they are sleeping with.

3. They keep you waiting on hold, and don’t make dates with you in advance. They usually ask to see you last minute, and can cancel a date without proper notice. They only have time once or maximum twice a week to see you. Forget weekends with them – they have no time, or are gone.

4. They flirt with others in your presence.

5. Promises promises promises – without actions – just words.

6. They are not interested much about what’s going on in your life. They talk mainly about themselves, and don’t ask questions about you – they simply don’t care.

7. You haven’t met their friends – s/he doesn’t invite you when they are all out together.

8. They don’t share their life plans, goals and aspiration with you. Your interaction is kept on a superficial and sexual level.

9. They don’t pursue you, or make the effort to win you over. You are usually the one chasing them.

10.  They are not emotionally available and open to you. Usually they don’t want to cuddle and do romantic things with you.

 
Ladies and gentlemen, even though this sounds like a hard truth, there are ways to avoid this unnecessary heartbreak. Keep your eyes and ears open! Listen to what they say and make your assessment. Pay attention to your gut feeling, because usually deep down we know and feel when someone has genuine intentions for us, or just wants to play us. Don’t close your eyes on the small hints and signs. However, if you like this person and want more from them – communicate this! You have nothing to lose! Nothing tests a player better than telling them straightforward that you are not a person to be put on hold. Take a risk and say that you are not looking for a quick affair or easy sex, and see how they react. If they slowly disappear from your life, then you have your answer. What also works well is waiting to have sex. Players usually don’t stick around that long if they can’t see the potential of getting sex. The most important thing is to be honest with yourself, and if you see the warning signs, be smart and make the right decision. Life is too short to play games where someone ends up with pain – and it’s never the player that gets hurt!

 

www.facebook.com/galiabrener

 

1012416_10151896405190563_1851901177_n

Love yourself and overcome your insecurities.
Love yourself and overcome your insecurities. 1200 400 Galia Brener

I would like to introduce myself again. My name is Galia Brener, and in high school people called me “Pepperoni pizza”. I had horrible acne. Grotesque pimples decorated my face, chest and back. I used to cover half of my face with my hair, and walk around like “Cousin It” from the Addams Family. I still have scars on my face and chest. Up until a few years ago, I would conceal this with heavy makeup, but now, I just don’t give a damn anymore. I threw out all of that hideous makeup. Too many years of crying for nothing!

 

Do you feel/think that: You are overweight? You have acne? You are too short? Too tall? Too skinny? Not smart or pretty enough? You feel like an alien alone on this planet because you’re different? Don’t worry, you are not alone. Listen to Pepperoni Pizza’s advice: Who cares what the others say or think. BE WHO YOU ARE, and be proud of it! “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” That’s my favorite quote from Oscar Wilde.

 

These insecurities take lots of joy and happiness away from us. For the first 20 years of my life I felt terrible about my face. Eventually, I got so sick and tired of hiding behind my hair and makeup. Those are just “illusions”. Even through the makeup, one could see the scars and acne. And even through the baggy long clothing, one can see your full curvy (beautiful!) body. So how long are we going to hide behind these “protectors”? And is this really protecting us, or making our insecurities worse?

 

My friend “Honey” is a European size 44, and is drop-dead gorgeous! She dated a man that treated her very badly. He always called her fat. Finally she had the courage to dump him. She was depressed and ate chocolate day and night to comfort her soul. Being a good friend, I ate the kilos of chocolate with her, while crying and laughing together. After we both gained one more clothing size, we decided to go to a party. Honey saw a tall, handsome, olive-skinned man with eyes as bright as the Jaguar XKR-S French Racing Blue color! He is a well-known basketball star (Let’s call him J). She fell in love at first sight! Later on, he approached her with a glass of wine, and they spent the rest of the evening chatting. Today they are still happy together. Sadly, Honey continues with her diets. She looses and gains weight, but J never cares about it. He loves her for who she is. The only person that cares about the weight is Honey herself. That’s a damn shame, because she is curvy and extremely beautiful, but doesn’t see or feel it!

 

So who really notices all of your imperfections? YOU! Sorry to tell you this, but you are your worst enemy. Just like I was mine. I hated my pimples, so I squeeze them. Unfortunately that made them even worse and left scars! It was disgusting and awful. I was trapped in my own dark hell inside of my head. What helped me later was to acknowledge and concentrate on my strengths! Are you good at art, cooking, sports, design, dancing, singing, etc? If so, spend more time doing these things and less time criticizing yourself. Do not constantly talk about your flaws with others. Instead, mention your good traits!

 

Here are a few steps that helped me to overcome my insecurity issues:

 

1: Ignore non-constructive insults, judgments and criticism about you and your body.

2: Let go of past emotional garbage. It’s a decision of letting go and starting a fresh cycle.

3: Don’t try to always please others. You’ll never be able to satisfy everyone. Think of yourself too!

4: Avoid negative and toxic people. Keep them out of your life!

5: Stop your negative thoughts. As soon as they start, block them by thinking of something completely different. Don’t give such destructive thoughts a chance to upset you!

6: Stop comparing yourself to others. Don’t copy others and accept your uniqueness.

7: Attack your worries and fears. Face them head-on! I hated going out into the sunlight with my acne because everyone could see it. I spent my days at home after school, like a damn vampire. So sad and pathetic. Enough! Face your fears! Buy that sexy dress, even if you feel that you are too curvy for it. Just do it and wear it with pride!

8: It’s time to start loving and respecting yourself. If you wont, then the others wont either! Show others how you want to be treated.

9: Set goals for yourself, and when you achieve them, reward and treat yourself.

10: Become more positive in your thoughts and actions. Be happy!

 

Please promise me that once you feel strong inside, try to help others to get to such a wonderful place as well. Look outside at what is happening in this crazy world. We are there to help each other. But before we can do so, we must start by helping ourselves. I wish you lots of good luck, strength and energy for your mission. Everything will be ok!

 

www.facebook.com/galiabrener

 

Brener,-Galia_MG_8454

Can sex really be just “casual”?
Can sex really be just “casual”? 1200 400 Galia Brener

We live in an unfortunate time where dating different partners is as easy as owning many pairs of shoes. Whenever a newer, sought-after style comes out, we quickly forget the studded-sneaker of last year, and run to the stores to buy something new. As soon as these shoes go out of style, there will surely come something newer, shinier, and prettier… but does that automatically make it better? Just like we change and throw out our shoes, our society has made it acceptable to do the same with partners that we date and sleep with. Why did this become a “made-for-one-time-use-only” disposable generation? Like the answers to a multiple test in school: A, B, C, D, all, or none of the above – we live in a multiple-choice society!

 

Jules and I went for a Bloody Mary at Vai Vai last week. She told me that she met a nice guy at a party in Frankfurt. That evening they had a long chat about life, relationships, philosophy, and other fascinating topics. After the party, they kept in touch, and have decided to meet again. They had a wonderful evening of delicious food and drinks, and ended up going to his place. This mystery man was fascinated with Jules, kissing her all the way up the stairs to his flat. They laughed, shared some private jokes, and had passionate sex into the early morning hours. After waking up, they had some coffee, and she left. A week has passed, and Jules is still waiting for him to call. Meanwhile, our mystery man has disappeared. For him, it was just casual sex. For her, it was not so casual!

 

Casual Sex: how do you feel the next morning, after the glittery glamorous butterfly effects of the alcohol has worn off, the make-up is smeared all over the face, the person you shared your body with is sleeping on the other end of the bed, back turned to you, and you feel… empty. The heart wants more. It wants to be hugged, caressed, loved, cuddled and be assured that the world is a beautiful and bright place to live in. But reality strikes when you open your eyes the next morning, and see the look in the other’s face, the looks that says without words, “Please leave my flat, I do not want to deal with you in my bed now… or ever.” That’s the look that makes you get dressed as quickly as possible, leave the scene of the crime, take the torturous walk of shame home, and try to forget that this ever happened. Do we really ever forget these events? Or do they haunt and torture us, taking with them a small piece of our heart, leaving a tiny empty hole.

 

Expectation management: There are some that simply love sex. They adore the exploration of the body, having a thrilling night of passion and seduction, without any strings attached. They think: why settle down for one, when there can be a new one as often as wanted? Instead of one pair of Louboutin sneakers, why not have 10 in all different colors!? It’s casual sex between two consenting adults – but this should be discussed before jumping into bed, so that nobody gets hurt afterwards. It has been observed that women are more likely to want more from a man after sex, whereas for some men, it is simply casual sex. However, this is not to say that the roles cannot be reversed. But usually women connect on an emotional level, whereas men tend to connect on a physical level.

 

What must be avoided is leading someone on with fake promises and illusions! This reminds me of a story that Gloria told me once. Years ago, she dated a guy for a few weeks – let’s call him “Fork-Man”. A few summers ago she saw him at a street fest in the city. They had a warm reunion and went to her house for a delicious glass of Barolo and a heart-to-heart conversation. He showered her with promises of a beautiful future together. She was looking into his bright blue eyes, charmed with every word that came out of his mouth. She figured that since they knew each other from the past, he would not lie to her. Gloria gave into his hypnotic tales of a “happy life together” and had sex with him. The next day he got dressed and left. It dawned upon her that his intentions were never true! He disgustingly lied his way into a night of casual sex with her. “Fork-Man” is a Frankfurt banker that comes from a small village. He is an empty walking ghost without happiness and joy for life. His selfishness and anger comes from the fact that he never got the proper love and warmth at home as a child. Therefore he became a bitter man who hurts and uses everyone else. Later, Gloria found out that Fork-Man has been calling and trying to sleep with a friend of hers as well. He knew that both girls know each other!

 

Saying all of the above, there have been times where casual sex has led to true love. I even know a couple that started dating and got engaged shortly after. Fairytales do come true. Fate is a marvelous thing that can surprise you! But be prepared that if you do have casual sex, the person you slept with might not call you the next day or even the next weeks. That’s the risk you are taking. Even if for you it was special, for him/her it might only be “casual” sex and nothing more.

 

www.facebook.com/galiabrener

 

Gali_3

On-Off Relationship Horror
On-Off Relationship Horror 1200 400 Galia Brener

It was a rainy Sunday, and I was enjoying a delicious breakfast with my girlfriends at a cute French pastry shop in downtown Frankfurt. The girls were sipping their Cappuccinos, and eating croissants with fruits. I was the only one who had croissants, additionally to my large plate of soft French cheeses, eggs, marmalade, and a pain au chocolat to top it all off. Did I mention that this was my second breakfast?

 

As I was busy scooping the cheese into my mouth, I was listening to Heather’s story about her “Sir Crazy”. They have been together for about three years. Some months were spent happy with plenty of adventures, cuddling and laughter. The months in between were dark and bitter, like my coffee, which needed an urgent dose of sugar. Heather told us that with Sir Crazy, the highs were very high and she felt like a queen beside him. He adored her and wanted to spend every waking moment with her. They had deep, intense, bonding conversations until the morning hours. She said that they had a unique spiritual bond. She felt that he was her soulmate.

 

However, the lows were excruciatingly low! He would suddenly change towards her. Almost as if becoming a completely different person. During these phases, he was cold, distant and careless towards Heather, and this caused her tremendous grief. It felt like he was tearing her heart out of her body, cutting it in half with rusty scissors, throwing both pieces on the dirty floor and stepping on them until they turn into a bloody paste. In other words, he was killing her inside. She could not understand how can someone that is so close to her, suddenly become a stranger? He would go for days not calling her. Ignoring her existence. Then suddenly contact her, apologizing with tears in his eyes, saying how stupid and sorry he was. So of course, she would run back to him, wanting the highs again. This happened again and again. There was no stability. No reassurance. No security. No peace in this love. It was a never-ending dream. But more precisely, it was a never-ending nightmare.

 

I was listening to Heather, trying to chew and swallow my Brie without chocking on it. Why go back to someone that hurts you so much – over and over again! Why engage in such torturous emotional sadomasochism? Heather said that their sex life was the best she ever had. She never experienced such Earth-shattering orgasms before. He was like a drug to her. Sir Crazy knew how to blind her with his fake good behavior, which kept her inside this sick game. He was an emotional vampire. He sucked out her energy, goodness, strength and light. Leaving her weak and drained every time he was finished with her.

 

There is a well-known Russian proverb, “In a quarrel, leave room for reconciliation.” I am always a believer in fighting for a relationship. However, with On-Off relationships, I believe in the “1-Chance-Dance” rule. Maybe 2 chances if he’s some special Prince Charming or an alien, but usually the “1-Chance-Dance” is enough. In movies and books, on-off relationships are seen as something romantic, but in real life, they cause extreme pain and suffering.

 

Why do we still hold on? Why do we try 3, 5 or 10 times again? Do we secretly enjoy the pain? After all, pain is a much stronger and deeper emotion than happiness. Did we get used to them, and do not want to be single again? Do we fear that we wont find anyone better? Or do we stay because we simply love them so much? (Ask yourself: How can you love someone so much that causes you such pain again and again?) Most likely things do not get better.

 

After the initial breakup, my advice is: 1. Figure out for yourself if you miss your partner, or are you happier without them? 2. If you are happier without them, then Hallelujah for you! Go out and flirt your sexy bum off. You deserve some fun after the torture! However, if you miss her/him like crazy, then you must try giving it the “1-Chance-Dance!” and get back together. 3. Once you get back together, chose a night where you are both relaxed, drink a delicious bottle of wine, and talk about everything! What bothered you, what would you like to change in the future. Be open to communication! 4. You must also step over your ego and accept criticism where you were wrong. Both must try to work on themselves in the future to make the relationship better. This is the hardest part! 5. If you succeed, then congratulations! This process can only be achieved if the love is real on both sides! If the same problems start again, then one or both did not make sufficient effort to improve the relationship – and most likely, you/they never will. In this case, run as far away as you can, and don’t look back.

 

The only way to escape such a relationship is to stay away from this torturous person. Zero contact is the only way. The best solution is to occupy yourself and meet with friends and family. What works well is to go out on dates and meet new people. This will give you a super confidence boost and keep your mind off the devil. Believe me, as time goes by, the feeling and pain will start to fade away, and you wont be coming back to get hurt anymore. So love yourself and be strong. Remember, it’s better to be single than to be together with the wrong person who causes you so much pain and suffering!

 

www.facebook.com/galiabrener

 

Sad_BW_lowResPhoto by Nils Bremer

 

How to “be” on the 1st date
How to “be” on the 1st date 1200 400 Galia Brener

You are standing in front of your closet full of clothes, and of course find nothing to wear. You have a date in 30 minutes! You tried everything on already, and nothing seems to fit right. The little black dress is suddenly too “little”, your favorite skinny jeans are not giving you the long-leg-effect anymore. What is going on? You are nervous because of your hopes and expectations. Let your hair down and relax. Mystery-Man didn’t deserve your worries just yet!

 

I noticed that my best dates were when I didn’t care too much to impress the guy and was just super relaxed. My horror dates were when I was really nervous and tried to appear perfect for the guy. Another mistake I made in the past was to agree with opinions my date had, even though I did not share the same point of view as him. I thought that would make me lovelier, and it would seem that we have more things in common. Wrong. This would eventually catch up with us and fights would occur. Ladies, please voice your opinions, especially if you really like the guy. Don’t be afraid that he thinks you are stupid or silly because of what you say. Most men actually enjoy an intellectual challenge. So let him fight for it girls!

 

Order whatever you feel like eating. Do not worry that you must look cute in front of him by ordering something small that you can eat in single tiny bites. Who cares?! Order a huge pizza if you feel like it. Another funny thing I noticed, the bigger and messier meal you order, the cuter it looks to the guy. Men like women that are not afraid of eating a huge burger or bloody steak. It makes you look real and nonchalant in a positive way. I call this soul food. Eating what makes you happy to satisfy your soul. Everything’s good in good measures – keep a good balance in life.

 

Don’t drink too much alcohol. Getting drunk on a date can cloud your judgment and make you do things you can later regret. I don’t want to sound old-fashioned, but its better if you wait a bit before you have sex with him for the first time. Unless you are just looking for a fun sexy time, that’s ok. What works best for me is to get to know the guy, spend some time with him and let the chemistry and tension rise. Taking your time before having sex will show you if this man wants you for a long-term relationship or just some fun in bed. Men are hunters, so let them hunt and don’t make it too easy for him.

 

Ladies, use your most charming and erotic weapon… your smile! There is nothing more enchanting than an honest, warm and sincere smile. It always works like a charm! During a conversation: look directly into his eyes, give him a seductive smile, drop your gaze down for a second, then look back up at him, and tilt your head to the side. This move kills them!

 

Please do not mention how cool and fabulous you are. Do not show off about all of your achievements on the first date. Avoid the feeling that you must impress him or else he wont like you. If you are an amazing person, then this will be evident in the first hour of the conversation so don’t worry! Let him sweat a bit by trying to impress you. Men like a healthy challenge and want to know that they have the best woman of all – so let him work at charming you into being by his side.

 

Try to keep a relaxed and positive atmosphere. Life is not always a walk in the park, but he doesn’t have to hear about all of your illnesses, debts and tragedies directly on the first date! If you will get closer, then you can open up your heart to him in the future. At the beginning, keep it light and pleasant. Complications are a huge turn off to both men and women. Everyone has their own baggage, so they don’t want to adopt an even heavier load on the first date. The other way around, avoid being an emotional garbage can for those troubled-lost-souls. The broken ones are extremely hard to fix, so unless you want a life-long project instead of being happy, then go for it.

 

If he bores your panties to death, and you need to escape, talk about your ex boyfriend, repeatedly check your mobile phone, write text messages while he is talking to you, and profusely yawn in your seat while slouching. This should do the trick. If you like him, please try to refrain from the above – especially mentioning how large your ex’s, um, water gun was. But to be quite honest, it doesn’t really matter what you do or not do on a date, because if its meant to be, it will be… even if you squeezed the ketchup from the bottle all over his face instead of on your burger! ;-)

 

www.facebook.com/galiabrener

 

_MG_8508

Jealousy kills relationships!
Jealousy kills relationships! 1200 400 Galia Brener

Did you ever have the feeling that your blood is boiling and fire will soon flare out of your nose? Why? Because your partner is looking at, or talking to the beautiful girl beside you at the bar! However in reality, he is simply being polite and asking if she can make space for him to order something for the both of you. If this situation sounds familiar to you, then you are part of the Jealousy Club. Welcome. There are many of us. I have been a member since my first relationship, but thankfully I have killed this horrific habit throughout the years.

 

What can we do to overcome the battle with the Jealousy Demon? Sometimes I fear that jealousy over a partner can last for a lifetime, but actually it really is possible to work on this and destroy this monster! Do we have the power within ourselves to send this jealousy demon back to hell, where he belongs?

 

This brings me back to a story about my close friend Jilli. She went with her new love, Leo, to a club in Frankfurt. They had a few drinks and hit the dance floor. It was a lovely Saturday night, and the place was filled with beautiful people. They were dancing and having a great time, when all of a sudden, she spotted a pretty blonde woman smiling and winking at Leo! Jilli looked at him and noticed that he was smiling in the direction of this woman. Jilli felt the evil green claws of the Jealousy Demon scratching her from the feet to the throat. She turned around and walked towards the bar with a mission to drown her anger with a vodka shot. Leo rushed after Jilli, not knowing what happened, and why she walked away from him. She told him what she saw. He couldn’t believe her words! He loved her so much and swore that he would never do anything to hurt her. He said that his look in this particular direction was a coincidence, and that he didn’t even notice the woman that Jilli mentioned! Leo is a very tall and handsome man. It’s normal that he gets attention from women that find him very attractive, but he doesn’t do anything to instigate this. It’s not his fault that women stare at him. Jilli was very upset and walked out of the club, while confused Leo was running after her. Outside, the full effect of the vodka hit them both. Emotions were rising, and hurtful words were being said. What started off as a romantic evening turned into a horrific rollercoaster ride to hell and back. Until this day, Jilli doesn’t know if Leo was flirting back with that girl or not, but the only thing that’s left is the question if she trusts him or not? What could she do, it was his word against her alcohol-tainted impression of that evening.

 

Most of us have stared the Jealousy Demon directly in the eyes. Sometimes, this lifeless demon enters your body, and tortures you alive, until it has killed everything that you truly love! If I analyze various situations, I would say that jealousy in love comes from insecurities. We are not made of stone. We have feelings and emotions. The best way to overcome these insecurities is to work on ourselves, and learn to love and accept ourselves as we are – with our flaws and imperfections! Jealousy can also occur because of many other reasons. One of them is because we are afraid to lose our partner to the “competition”. There will always be a prettier, taller, skinnier, smarter and cuter woman than us. At the same time, another woman might think that you are the prettier one. Another reason might be that we make false interpretations of the behavior of our partners (Jilli thought that Leo was looking at the other woman, while he swore that he did not). These are simply wrong assumptions! A painful situation from the past might also influence jealousy, or not enough attention from your partner might also be the problem.

 

With jealousy we are hurting our partner in the process, but even more, we are ourselves the most! I am not saying that you must accept a cheating man/woman, but try to examine the situation and see if your fears can be really backed up by solid facts? Sometimes we see something from the corner of our eye that we think is a fact, when in reality all is not as it seems. What I can advise you is to have an open and honest communication with your partner. As hard as it may be, try to talk calmly about the situation before exploding at them.

 

Aside from our own insecurities, jealousy mostly occurs because of a trust issue. You must open up to your partner and talk about it. Trust is the most important element of a healthy relationship. Without it, the Jealousy Demon will constantly come back to haunt you. If your partner is awful to you, and gives you a reason not to trust them, then you must re-evaluate your relationship. However, if your partner doesn’t give you a reason not to trust them, then the problem lies within you. One must search deep within her/himself to figure out what makes them so jealous. This is a very hard and awkward process, but if you have the strength to do this, then you will find a way to beat this battle within you. Some people say that jealousy is a sickness, but I think that it’s like an allergy that you either try to eliminate throughout the years, or learn to live with. The choice is yours to make.

www.facebook.com/galiabrener
_MG_8690
Photo by: David Helmrich
Start Typing
Privacy / Datenschutz Preferences 

When you visit our website, it may store information through your browser from specific services, usually in the form of cookies. Here you can change your Privacy preferences. It is worth noting that blocking some types of cookies may impact your experience on our website and the services we are able to offer.

Click to enable/disable Google Fonts.
Click to enable/disable Google Maps.
Click to enable/disable video embeds.
 
See our Privacy Policy / Datenschutz here: www.galiabrener.com/privacy-policy-datenschutz
Our website uses cookies, mainly from 3rd party services. Define your Privacy Preferences and/or agree to our use of cookies.