PHILOSOPHY OF LIFE

How does s/he make YOU feel?
How does s/he make YOU feel? 814 1200 Galia Brener

Have you ever noticed that different people bring out a different side of you? With one man you might act and feel like a sexy goddess, while with the other you’re the funniest comedian the world has ever seen. With the third one you might be the annoying nagging mother figure, and with the next man, you might be the silly little girl. It’s interesting how dating different people actually helps you to learn more about yourself, especially about what you want, and definitely don’t want. The most important thing after dating various people is to stay with the one that brings out the best in you!

 

Last week I was talking to my dear friend Ambrosia, who went through a very painful breakup a few months ago. Even though her ex was not the best guy for her, she was madly in love with him, and let him get away with bad behavior. He is what I call a “Male Drama Queen.” His actions and reactions to certain situations were insane, and of course this in return instigated crazy responses from her as well. Consider it an emotional chain reaction. Ambrosia was a victim to his bad moods and aggression, and this brought out the same in her, even though she is not the angry depressed type at all! Her ex was an energy vampire that sucked the positivity out of her whenever he had a bad day – which was quite often. He brought out the angry bitchy part of her, which she didn’t even know existed until they met!

 

Three month ago Ambrosia met a new man. With him, she was the cheeky comedian and the fun, unique girl. Gone was the angry bitchy woman from last year, and instead an easy going, adventurous and hilarious Ambrosia took her place. Her new boyfriend was giving her the attention and love that she so desperately lacked and needed from her ex. The new guy saw her as an equal, and not as a stupid little girl that had to be education. He cherished her, and made her feel like the only woman in the world for him. He praised her, gave her sweet compliments, kissed and touched her a lot, bought her flowers and simply adored her. Like she did him. He gave her a warm, light and happy feeling. She could be herself around him, and never felt like she was being judged. She enjoyed the Ambrosia that he brought out in her. The bold, funny, charming, beautiful and sophisticated Ambrosia was actually the characteristics she loved the most about herself.

 

Like with Ambrosia’s situation, the power is in your hands. You decide your own future, and what’s good for you. Make the right decision and chose your partner well. There is always a way of seeing quite quickly if this person brings out the best in you, or not. Try to look at these things:

 

  1. Are you funny when you are with him? Does he bring out the best in your sense of humor?

 

  1. Is she the kind of woman that gets offended or insulted easily? Which in return makes you feel the need to always explain/defend yourself, which eventually leads to being moody, irritated or annoyed? This is not good, because it sucks too much energy from you.

 

  1. Does he make you feel sexy and wanted? Or does he not pay enough attention to you – which makes you feel insecure, needing to overdo on making yourself appear beautiful, and trying to get his attention?

 

  1. If you fight does she bring you to the point where you get aggressive and loud, but usually you’re not like that at all? Do you have to defend yourself against her unnecessary accusations, which in return make you angry and miserable? Or does he bring out that mean bitch inside of you, which makes you bitter and sad afterwards? That’s all very bad for the emotions, and quite draining.

 

  1. Do you feel like you’re his Mama, and you have to nag and run after him? Or are you both on the same level? Or does he often lecture you about how you should change, and do things to grow up, almost like your dad, and not your friend?

 

  1. Are you cuddly and sweet to him, or colder and calculating – but usually are the complete opposite?

 

  1. Do you pretend to be someone else around him/her, and are usually different with your friends? Do you try to impress them too much, buy appearing cool and mysterious, instead of being the warm, sweet and normal you?

 

  1. Does she bring out the fun child in you – when you can be yourself, and have a good time together? Or does she judge your silliness?

 

I advise to see how your partner makes you feel, and be honest with yourself if s/he brings out your best side or not. I remember having a boyfriend once that tried to change me and my entire wardrobe, by telling me what to wear and what to get rid of. The day he bought me a brown rice-bag-grandmother-style sweater was the day I knew it would never work. Different people have different effects on us, and it’s crucial to choose a mate that inspires the peaceful, loving and caring side in us.

 

Stay away from people who bring out your bitterness, cruelty or aggression – because this usually ends up with pain and illness. From my personal experience, I can say that the best is to gravitate to a partner who brings out the tranquil side of you – with whom you can enjoy spending time together and not continuously have dramas and negativity around you. Life is short, so why be together with someone that brings out the evil twin in you? Choose well, it’s your future after all.

 

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Eat what you want and be happy!
Eat what you want and be happy! 1200 400 Galia Brener

In order to start this column in the most authentic way possible, I have ordered a family-sized pizza, with a soft drink and ice cream for dessert. Often I find myself thinking, how long do we actually have to live a lovely, fun, happy and satisfying life? 85 years if we are lucky. We start thinking about our body image at the age of 15 until approximately 70. That leaves us with 55 years of worrying about being skinny, having the perfect shape, no cellulite, toned muscles, fitting into smaller and smaller sizes, and having those bloody skinny jeans laying around that we so desperately want to fit into, but mysteriously never “comfortably” can! We force ourselves to eat a salad everyday – over and over again. Daily salad consumption, for 55 years makes it…. 20,075 damn salads! Congratulations boys and girls, we are officially worse than rabbits. I think it’s time to start eating what we want and feeling happy about it!

 

Hungry = Angry. When hungry, your serotonin levels are low, and hence you feel angry, and sometimes even depressed. My mom knows not to talk to me until I have eaten a proper meal; otherwise I become a walking monster. I get irritated and short-tempered. Even worse than that, my stomach and head start to hurt. Believe it or not, the “evil carbohydrates” help to rebuild serotonin quicker in your brain, which is responsible for making you feel happy. So do not run away from carbs, because if eaten in the right dosage, they are your friends!

 

We live in a time where being skinny has become the definition of beauty. Maybe I really am from another planet and do not understand the Earthly ways, but aren’t our curves and softness what makes us women feminine and beautiful? Yes? Then why is everyone going crazy to become a size 0? Somehow between the 1950’s and today, something got terribly lost in translation. This makes me angry! Who the hell started this mass confusion and is responsible for this ridiculous chaos? Every (good) single man that I have spoken to lately says that he would love to meet a woman with nice curves. Can it be that us women are making our own life so complicated? Then again, I remember my 2nd ex blaming me for becoming fat after a visit to Japan (Without him…) I gained 4 kg, and he made it sound like I became a blimp. Thank God I got rid of that freak. I was in a new country and he thought that I wouldn’t try all of the delicious exotic foods? I would give him up again and again for a fresh piece of Kobe beef!

 

My friend Anatoly was dating a beautiful voluptuous Brazilian woman. They shared a huge passion for food. They cooked together and tried out new restaurants. Anatoly adored her curves. She was the perfect vision of femininity for him. When they got married, his wife started spending more time with the snobby neighborhood women. They assured her that all the husbands have younger, skinnier and beautiful mistresses at work. They were crazy paranoid witches that influenced her very negatively. She lost a lot of weight, and did not eat much with Anatoly anymore. Their shared passion has disappeared. She was constantly hungry, moody and angry. The love was suffering. She lost her beautiful feminine curves and her bones hurt him while trying to make love. She became a ghost of what she once was and eventually this led to divorce. He loved her desperately, and tried to show her the light, but she was lost in her own superficial world.

 

Guilt = Fat. I will share with you something important that I have learned from my past. If I would eat something really fatty, or in large amounts, I would constantly worry about it. I knew that the calories and fat were quite high and felt that it will cause my body damage. I gained much weight in only just a week! I felt guilt all the time. It was a psychological jail, with the torture included! A few weeks later I lost those kilos and decided to make an experiment. I ate exactly the same food and amounts, but felt no guilt or remorse afterwards. I felt good about what I ate because I knew that for this moment of my life, I needed this food. The carbs made me happy! I felt relaxed because I could eat what I wanted without feeling bad. Well guess what? Same food, same amount and my weight did not change. Sounds unreal, but it’s true. It’s all a psychological mind game. Guilt attracts negativity into your life and body. Guilt will make you gain weight rapidly! Stop the guilt!

 

Soul food = Happy person. The evil burger is calling your name. You tell it to shut up, but it doesn’t work because you fantasize about its juices in your mouth. Go ahead and eat the damn burger. Of course I am not suggesting you to exaggerate every day, and get a heart attack, but a bit more pleasure with your meals will make you happier. My theory is to enjoy and eat what you want, but not to overdo it. Have your healthy stuff in between, but leave space for the treats and goodies that your heart and soul desire. Love yourself and feed yourself. Do not starve, because your body will not forgive you. And remember… life is too bloody short to live on salads!

 

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2015 is Over! Evaluate what happened to you…
2015 is Over! Evaluate what happened to you… 960 960 Galia Brener

You’ve had your Christmas fun, and now before the New Year starts, it’s time to get down to business. What is such an urgent task that cannot wait until next year, you ask? The task is the one and only “Self-Inventory”. It sounds quite simple, but actually it can get deep and dirty, with truths exposed and shocking things revealed. But since we are tough guys and gals, and I’m sure that you can handle it, I will share my secret with you. At the end of each year, I make a thorough inventory of my life for that year – from top to bottom, not overlooking any gruesome details. At the end, I see what I have achieved, learned, and what I can do much better next year. This helps me grow as a woman, as a person, and also helps to increase success. However, you must be completely honest with yourself, or else this won’t work for you. So my lovelies, let’s start!

 

1. Achievements: Let’s start with the nice stuff! This was a damn long year, for some a horrible one, and for others a positive one. But for many, 2015 was a year for the fighting spirit – the Samurai among us. Think back to all of the great things you achieved this year. This includes a new career, having a loving relationship, building your first house, having a child, getting married, overcoming addictions, or whatever wonderful thing you achieved this year, take some time to honor it. Anyone who achieved anything important in 2015 deserves to celebrate, because this bitch of a year was a difficult one, and hence you deserve double recognition for it. You must praise yourself for your success, and feel proud of what you did. I made it a ritual to buy myself a present at the end of the year to celebrate my achievements. Spoiling yourself once in a while is very important, because it helps to remind you of accomplishments and appreciate your own worth.

 

2. Screw-ups: let’s be honest, we are no angels. I can think back and list a few mistakes I made this year, and so can you. This is where it gets hard because we don’t usually like to admit our mistakes, especially to ourselves! But since you’re brave, and a new year is starting, push yourself to do it. Think back. Have you hurt someone? Played, cheated, stole, backstabbed, told lies, broke hearts and promises, acted disrespectfully or cruelly? Maybe it is yourself that you hurt with something like a bad habit, or allowing others to treat you badly? Maybe you let something slip away that you regret? Send your ego to hell for a moment, and really open yourself up and remember the mistakes you made. Try to acknowledge the wrongs that you did, and see if there is a chance to set things right again. If you are brave enough, you can even contact the person and ask them for forgiveness – it is your Karma after all. If you have already set things right again, then it is time to forgive yourself, forgive the other person, forgive the situation, and move on.

 

3. Lessons: 2015 was a year of many life lessons for me. Some of them hit me hard and were not so easy to learn, while the others I embraced quite quickly and open-heartedly. Look back and figure out what were your most important lessons of this year. Life threw you these bones, hoping that you will learn and improve on your mistakes. If these lessons are not learned, they will only enter your life again and again, and torture you until you will finally get it. To be honest, I did not learn a lesson in 2012, and the very same thing happened to me at the very same time in 2013 and again in 2015! It was so creepy! You have to realize what life is trying to show you, and make improvements on these things, so that you can grow and move on. Think back, what could you have done better? Take these lessons and use them for your good in 2016, and do things better this time around! And please, do not be angry at your fate – this happened for a reason – to become a better and stronger person!

 

4. Cleaner: Don’t worry, no killing mafia skills required. Look back at the year, and make an inventory of the people in your life. Be honest to yourself: Is there anyone who has to be cleaned out of your life? Do you have so-called “friends” that are dishonest, don’t care about you, or even worse, jealous of you? What about a partner that does not respect, appreciate, and truly love you, is a cheater or maybe doesn’t want to make a commitment to you? They don’t deserve you and be assured that Lady Karma will take “good” care of them. Let it go, and get rid of them! Sometimes people come into your life for a reason, and once their mission is fulfilled, it is better to send them along their way before they cause more damage in your life. Try to get rid of all toxic people that do you no good before this year ends. Surround yourself only with goodness – and with people that will respect, love, appreciate, honor, and truly love and care for you – and you for them.

 

The last day before the year ends is a very crucial one. This special time provides us with a moment to become quieter and look deep within ourselves. It’s a chance to reminisce about the funny, lovely and good things that happened, and allows us to learn from our mistakes. It’s an opportunity to make things right again. It’s a chance to say goodbye to the old, and make space for the wonderful new and exciting things to come. If you feel brave enough, try to do this Self-Inventory. It helps me each year, and offers great reassurance. Besides, the best thing about completing the Self-Inventory is the fact that you have another chance right around the corner: New Year, new start!

 

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Are You Beautiful?
Are You Beautiful? 1200 400 Galia Brener

Last week I met my girls for a drink and we got into a heated discussion about appearances. 3 out of the 4 said that it matters what others think of their appearance, especially other women. If they get compliments, and other women think they look good, then they feel better about themselves. If they get a negative comment about their appearance, their mood drops, and their confidence is affected as well. We spent hours philosophizing about this, and the girls decided that it’s important what others think about their appearance. I do not agree about this conclusion. What if one doesn’t get complimented all the time, do they have to hang themself? No! You and only you decide about your own beauty, self-confidence and happiness.

 

Don’t forget that not everyone around us is happy for us. Sometimes people will criticize you on purpose, or say something negative simply to make you feel bad because they are jealous of you. It could also be that others have a completely different sense of what’s beautiful or not. And of course they’re own style might be completely the opposite of yours. So you can see the threat of relying on other people’s opinion about your appearance! I think it’s dangerous to put your happiness, which is your personal power, in other people’s hands. You are your own master, so please don’t let anyone steal your sunshine away from you.

 

I have a friend Lilia and she’s the fashion beauty queen of her clique. When she goes out with her girls, she is always dressed to perfection. Perfect hair, precisely done makeup, exquisitely matched accessories, and always 12cm+ high heels. They always look like those gorgeous girls out of a Vogue photo shooting. But the strange thing is that they walk around like that during the day as well! Of course with lower heels, but still full makeup on. Last month Lilia and I met up for dinner. I asked that she comes casually dressed with very minimal makeup on. (I wanted to show her an important lesson). Of course as I expected she freaked out at first, but then agreed. We met outside the restaurant, and I was so surprised by her amazing natural beauty! As the evening progressed we drank some wine and she became more relaxed. I asked her why did she always make herself up like that? Wasn’t it excruciatingly exhausting to always try to be so perfect? She actually broke down, cried and said that the pressure of society and her friends was unbearable.

 

She was expected to always look the prettiest and most perfect she can be. Actually deep inside of herself she hated it and herself for keeping up with this charade. Lilia also said that otherwise men would pay less attention to her. Funny but as she was saying that, there was a young man at the next table looking intensely at her. As the evening progressed, Lilia came out of her uncomfortable shell, and was enjoying herself very much – just being her natural self! The two men at the table invited us for a drink. Lilia ended up meeting a wonderful guy and enjoyed the best evening she has had in years! He even complimented on how natural her beauty was! If she were made up like her usual Barbie doll self, he wouldn’t have spoken to her. Ever since that evening, Lilia has really gotten back to her natural beautiful self and feels happier and safer inside! I am so happy that she finally understood that happiness comes from within. After a few weeks, she told me that she doesn’t need any more constant confirmation from the outside world about her appearance. She feels happy and stronger inside. She started to slowly love herself as she is. She said that if someone doesn’t like it, they could go to one place where the sun doesn’t shine…

 

Let’s face it, you are the only one that can feel yourself from the inside. No one else in this Universe knows how it feels to be you from within – so you know best about how you look and feel from the inside out. The others can only see you from the outside. So actually their approval is only based on a superficial exterior level, which is not the most important thing in life! There is nothing wrong with getting a makeover, or changing your style, but do it for yourself and not for others! Society is such a bitch, and will not be there for you if you “fall off your heels”, so who cares about what they think? Do what’s best for you and take care that you are happy and healthy. No one can insert happiness into your heart, and only you can make sure that you feel beautiful and wonderful. Ladies and gentlemen, do yourself a favor and don’t be influenced by others. Fuck what everyone thinks – to yourself you will always be beautiful exactly as you are and you know it ♥

 

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Did a cheater break your heart?
Did a cheater break your heart? 1200 400 Galia Brener

Like I always say, love is a bitch. She mysteriously appears out of no where, forces herself into your nicely balanced life, punches you in the face until you are drunk enough not to know anything anymore and makes you helplessly addicted to her high. Unfortunately this bitch also has the habit of disappearing, leaving you with a half-beating shattered heart, and a painful anxiety that you would not even wish upon the devil himself. This is a very serious issue and I will be quite harsh in this article. It’s about survival and the necessity to heal and move on.

 

A few months ago, I met up with the girls for a delicious Sunday brunch. The door to the restaurant opened, and Jilli walked in, looking very upset. Her eyes were swollen, and she looked like she was about to collapse at any second. I felt my heart skip a beat because I knew something was very wrong. She looked up at us, her beautiful turquoise eyes filled with tears, and said, “We broke up.” I almost spilled my hot coffee allover myself. Jilli and her now “ex” boyfriend were our example that true love really does exist. My sunny-side up eggs arrived, but I couldn’t eat them. I took a bite and felt the egg sticking to my throat. I asked her what happened. This question made Jilli’s tears roll violently down her face, and she told us that he cheated on her in the cruelest way. It was emotional and psychological cheating. (Maybe even physical cheating, but she didn’t know for sure, because he was a liar!) He was chatting to other women on WhatsApp. He was also sending photo albums and writing love letters to his ex – saying what a good couple they still were, how much he missed her, was thinking about her and even crying because of these memories! He wrote the cheating letter a few hours before entering Jilli’s bed and having sex with her! He didn’t tell Jilli about this, he kept it a dark secret. How sick and cruel!

 

How could this person betray such a special love? She was ready to marry him and have his children. If the ex wouldn’t forward Jilli this email, she would never know that she was living with a betraying cheater! He had a long disgusting history of cheating. Actually he cheated on all his girlfriends, but Jilli thought that with her it would be different. She was terribly wrong! When Jilli confronted him about the cheating, he played the sick helpless victim role, saying how much he loved her, promising her lies in the air that he will never do it again, that he wants to marry her and she’s the only one for him! He even involved her mother, her best friend and his mother in his sick games! Blah, blah, blah, he said the same lying shit to his exes before. He said that he learned from his mistake, yet he did the same thing to Jilli! He said an emotional situation in the family made him write this email. Pathetic excuse! So what would happen now? Every time he had an emotional situation in his life, Jilli should be afraid that he would cheat on her again? She doesn’t need a weak man without a backbone! A snake doesn’t change its personality. I told Jilli, “Once a cheater, always a cheater!”

 

She asked me what to do, because she knows my story from many years ago. I’ve had my heart brutally destroyed once as well. Like Jilli, I thought that my world was demolished, and what I loved was being ripped out of my body alive. Months went by, and the pain did not subside. One day while crying in the kitchen, something strange happened; for a millisecond, I felt deep inside myself that if I wont finally deal with this crap, it will deal with me – in a very bad way. Constant painful emotions can lead to physical illness. The hard truth is that nobody needs a sick person. This brought out the fear, and self-protection in me, and I finally woke up. I entered survival-mode.

 

How did I heal my broken heart? I started loving myself more than I loved him. That’s it. That’s the trick. What does this mean? It means that soulmate or not, you have to take all the love you have for him, and turn it upon yourself, because you must survive this terror. You have no other choice, because if you don’t switch survival-mode on, this pain might destroy you. I have seen people turning to angry bitter monsters because of broken hearts. I have even heard of people falling into deep helpless depressions and not coming out of it for years! Is that what you want? To be stuck in hell for years obsessing about some jerk that cheated and doesn’t deserve you? That’s abandonment and betrayal and such a person is not entitled to your love – you are the one who deserves your love now!

 

Loving yourself more means living for yourself. Take the first few months to be selfish by doing what you want and when you want it. Your friends and family will understand if you explain to them. Learn to say “No” to others. Loving yourself is also controlling yourself – your thoughts and emotions. As soon as you think of how you miss him, counteract the thought with a thought of a bad thing that he did to you. Remember the bad stuff? It was not only rainbows. Loving yourself is being strong! You can cry for some weeks, but one day you have to get up, find your courage and start respecting yourself again. Loving yourself means fighting for yourself to become happy again. It means not letting yourself sink in the misery of your negative and depressive feelings. If he was weak and didn’t fight for you, doesn’t mean that you also have to be weak and not fight for yourself. If you have a dog or a child, would you allow someone to hurt them, while standing and watching? No! You would jump in, and save them from this evil. Well, imagine yourself jumping in and saving yourself. That’s what you have to do now, save yourself.

 

Life is too damn short to cry over idiots who take us for granted, cheat on us, don’t appreciate us and actually do not even deserve us. Never ever give your power away by letting someone bring you down so low, that you cannot feel “happiness” anymore. How the hell does he still deserve love from you after hurting you like that? He doesn’t deserve it and never will again. You deserve your own love now! ♥

 

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Can you live without Love?
Can you live without Love? 1200 400 Galia Brener

You can’t live with her you can’t live without her. Sometimes you even compromise yourself, your beliefs, your morals and values – in order to have this thing in your life. Her name is Love, and she is a ruthless, egoistic maniac, who will show you what living is all about. She will make the blood rush in your peaceful veins, the adrenalin pump through your guts, and she will even cause your heart to hurt, and almost burst out of your body. But despite all of the ups and downs, the pain and sorrows, good and bad moments, we still yearn for this bittersweet Lady Love to come knocking on our door.

 

My friend Heather was telling me about her long lost love. They were together for 8 years. I still do not have a clue how they made it together for so long – that can only be explained due to magic! Those two are complete opposites of each other. He is serious and conservative, and she is a party queen that can disappear for three days in a row, and come back with stories about meeting the devil himself! They are two squares that make a circle together. They both suffered and enjoyed so much in this relationship – so many makeups and breakups. Slamming doors, tears, screaming, arguing, makeup sex, passion, understanding, romance, miscommunication, desire, fights, compliments, insults, blame and support. They couldn’t live without each other. The love was far from perfect, but so intense! Unfortunately the love came to an end when one of them cheated and a child was made. Heather still speaks of him with tears in her eyes. She told me that she will never forgot him until she dies. Sad. How could it be that something so strong and intense simply breaks in half?

 

We live in a society where giving up is easier than ordering a stinky anchovies pizza. We have to fight for our Lady Love because believe me, if we wont, there will be someone else out there who will gladly give her what she needs, and then she’s gone! That’s life. Things get taken for granted. One day it’s an earth-shattering love, and the next day your best friend is moving into a villa together with your ex husband – whom you still love, but don’t admit. Don’t be a fool, open your heart and tell them that you still love them. You never know… you might save that special love, or otherwise regret it your entire life! Heather regrets it until this day that she had the chance to save her love, but her ego wouldn’t allow her to do so.

 

If love is really such a bitch, than why do we come back for more? Because we are human, and humans were not made to be alone. You can ask the biggest player in his sad, weak moment, and even he will tell you that he wants to have a big love. Unfortunately in the last decades, love was made to appear as something cheesy, for the ultra sappy. It’s totally insane, but being a single, successful, good-looking, strong and not-so-emotional woman these days is considered “cooler” than being a women ridiculously in love – who sends sweet messages to her partner, talks about him all the time with big glittery in-love eyes and draws hearts beside him name. Since when did love get such a negative weak reputation?

 

I know a woman who does this to me – behind my back. Every time I speak to my man in a sweet and loving tone, she turns around and pretends to put her fingers in her throat. Then she says, “Oh Galia, get over it, this is so cheesy. Wake up from your annoying pink bubble, because you are making us puke. It’s all fake!” Eventually I have learned to just look at her and laugh. Poor girl. Where is this reaction coming from – Jealousy? Bitterness? Loneliness? Lack of goodness and purity in her heart? Who the hell knows! Love is a bitch to everyone – but if she can’t get up after being shot down by Lady Love (like all of us), then she will definitely fry in her dark pan like a raw chewy octopus for years to come.

 

Love is a bitch. She gets us all. Some are scared of Lady Love, some run after her, but never catch her. Some try to avoid her, and ironically get thrown into her arms. There is no way of avoiding this mysterious Lady. After we have been beaten by Love, we have two choices: 1. We crawl into our shell and not let anyone hurt us ever again – meaning that we never experience love again! 2. Or we crawl out of our shell – after properly licking our wounds, and try to ride Lady Love again. Do you really want to miss out on the excitement of which freaks you shall meet next? The Freakazoid fun is so priceless! I’m kidding. But on a more serious note, it’s definitely worth trying to find your true love again, even if you have been incredibly hurt in the past. Maybe next time you shall get lucky and meet “The One”? I believe that only the ones with faith will get a true taste of Lady Love. It’s like Russian roulette. Love is a bitch, but we all need her in our lives. She is addictive. She is magical, unforgettable… and she’s coming to get you!

 

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Are you dating a bad person… again?
Are you dating a bad person… again? 803 1200 Galia Brener

Have you ever thought, “Oh great, the same shit and asshole again!” Do you keep on meeting guys that end up playing and hurting you? Or do you meet women that use you, or cheat on you? Do you sometime feel that the world has ran out of good people to date, and you are left with the broken, damaged crap that no one else wants? Many of us experience the same dating catastrophes over and over again! However, is it really the fact that all the good ones are taken already, or have we simply not learned from our past mistakes? Perhaps the problem lies within us and not them – especially if we experience the same issues with different people!

 

My friend Heather started dating a new guy three months ago. Everything was going so perfectly at the beginning. He was writing and calling her daily, spending lots of time with her, adored and gave her many compliments, and invited her to romantic dates. She was on cloud nine, and felt that her life couldn’t get any better. The third month came along, and the same familiar arguments and fights started. She said, “Gali, I can’t believe that he turned on me like that! It was so amazing, and now the same nightmare started again like with my ex!” Similar issues and disagreements came up. She felt like she was reliving the same bad horror show, but with a different man! Again the same lack of attention and affection, less calls and contact, the same disrespect and the same distancing started to happen. She felt her man slip slowly away through her fingers, and she couldn’t hold onto him any longer.

 

Unfortunately the hardest part is the realization that we are the common denominator in all of our relationships. Either we choose the wrong people to date, or we make the same mistakes over and over again. If you realize that you always have bad issues with partners, then it’s time to take a serious look within yourself, because it might be something that we are doing wrong and not them.

 

It’s crucial to examine the mistakes you made in your past relationships. For example, were you often jealous with not much reason, or got stuck onto words said without much thought? Did you often walk with your ego a meter ahead of you, and defended yourself like in a war at every argument? Or were you not sympathetic enough to your partner? Were you too clingy, or simply not attentive enough? Did you evoke unnecessary drama or often felt insulted? Were you a good listener? Did you cheat on your love? Were there ridiculous expectations or assumptions? This is a very hard trying to do, but try to examine where you made your mistakes in the past and what could have been avoided. We all had situations where we could have let go of small things, avoiding arguments and making it easier to keep the peace – but our selfish egos wouldn’t let us do that. These are all small things that add up and kill relationships. If you experience the same dating problems over and over again – then these are the exact issues that you didn’t learn from in the past. Don’t worry we all had these experiences, you are not alone.

 

However it might not always be the “big” mistakes stated above. Your mistake might be that you are simply choosing the wrong person again and again. We usually have a certain “type” of person that we are attracted to. Whether the appearance or the personality, we subconsciously go for the same one. You must test the waters for new possibilities. Don’t get stuck on the same pattern, because it’s obvious that it didn’t work out the last few times, so give yourself a break from this approach. Go to new unfamiliar places that different people frequent. You might be pleasantly surprised by the witty art lover, or the stiff banker – who might not be that stiff after all! What about the sporty type or the hobby cook at the kleinmarkthalle? Explore new terrains.

 

I came to the important realization that if I want to have a happy and healthy relationship, then I must learn from my past mistakes. That’s the only way of avoiding having the same crap follow me again and again. With every dating experience there must be some sort of evolution. You get to know yourself better in various situations and improve yourself. With my own experiences and what I see with my friends, I can honestly tell you that if you don’t learn from the past, you will not get any further, even with a new love – the same shit will happen again and again! What really helped me is to work on my behavior. I did my best to become a better version of myself. Then I opened up my eyes and started choosing different men. I broke my pattern and it really worked! Remember, you cannot get new results if you do and choose the same thing over and over.

 

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