PHILOSOPHY OF LIFE

GirlsAskGuys Interview with Galia Brener

GirlsAskGuys Interview with Galia Brener 1650 875 Galia Brener

Thank you dear girlsaskguys.com for this lovely interview! It was lovely talking to you Ben Dutka!

Read the full interview here:

http://www.girlsaskguys.com/fashion-style/a30662-a-chat-with-galia-brener-love-yourself-first-why-appearance-will

 

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Get into a relationship with: YOURSELF!

Get into a relationship with: YOURSELF! 1200 800 Galia Brener

It’s 9am on a Saturday morning, and your grandmother just called because she wants you to help her pick out that “ever-so-trendy-grandma-purple-hair-dye”. Two hours later your best friend calls because her boyfriend cheated on her with his childhood friend George. You meet her in the city for emergency cheesecake and sparkling wine. Five hours later you leave her happily drunk at home and finally have the chance to pick up your dry cleaning. Guess what, the store is closed already. You rush home to change because in an hour you have a date with a man you have been looking forward to see for days now. You put your favorite outfit on, hoping that this guy will be a good one. You hear the doorbell ring. After an hour into the date, you notice how much he is in love with himself and your excitement disappears. You make up an excuse that you have to finish helping the technicians at NASA early the next morning and you run out of there. You finally arrive at home and drop into bed. What a tiring day after such a stressful week!

The next morning your mother calls. Then your brother calls and asks to pick him up because his car broke down, yet again! Your landlord calls and says there will be no hot water for half a day. Your toaster burns the last slice of bread you have. You remember that you didn’t finish that last part of your presentation for your meeting on Monday. You think it will take an hour to finish, but 4 hours later, it’s evening again. You are left with 3 hours on a Sunday evening before the stress week starts again.

STOP. Reprogram yourself.

One does not live forever. More than a third of the day is spent working. The remaining part is spent sleeping, eating, making love, going out, doing stuff for/with people that you do not always want to do. So how much time is there leftover for YOU? You grew up hearing that you must not be selfish. Sure, but there is a time when you have to say stop. It starts with learning to say “No”. In the beginning it won’t be easy. People will get angry with you. But you must think of yourself. You need to make time for yourself and do the things that relax and make you happy. Your “real” friends and family will understand this.

Do not spend all of your time and energy on your partner. Do not depend on him/her to make you happy. This has to come from within yourself. Many women rely on their partner to fill a void that has been there for a long time. You must work on yourself so that this happiness comes from within. Your partner is a bonus in your life and not the meaning of your life. Get rid of those expectations that as soon as you have a boyfriend, you will be happier and more satisfied. If not met, expectation can leave you hurt and devastated. Yes, having a partner will bring new excitement into your life, but never make the mistake to rely solely on your partner to make you happy. Your partner is not Mother Theresa, and it’s not his job to turn your life into a fairytale. However, if you really want to, you can do this for yourself.

Get a hobby. You enjoy eating? Take a cooking course. You like art? Try painting. You like words and can get lost in them? Then take a pen and write something down. Make a date with yourself to do something that you love, which brings peace and happiness to your heart and soul. You like to stay fit? Try Kung Fu lessons. You like fashion? Take a Sunday design course. You want to upgrade your education? Take a weekend or evening course. Do what makes you happy. Be selfish! It’s your life, and you have only one to enjoy now! If you do not know which hobby to do, then try testing many things. A few hours here and there, and eventually you will find something that you like.

Eating makes me happy. I take the time out everyday to enjoy a lovely meal and not feel guilty about it. Of course we all want to look and feel great in our skin, but please my dears, do not deprive yourself. Know your limits and enjoy yourself within these limits. Sit and read a book. Make a beauty Sunday with a relaxing bath or hot shower, facial mask and cucumbers on your eyes. Whatever you do, just take the time out for yourself and take care of yourself. Especially us women, we tend to nurture everyone else, and often forget ourselves in the process. 

Next time you pass that store, go in and buy those shoes you have been looking at for weeks. What the hell do you work so hard and suffer for? You deserve it. Saving is important as well, but sometimes buying a new thing works wonders to heal the soul. Even if it’s small and not expensive, you feel that you treat yourself and it’s a good feeling.

Girls at the end of the day, who will take care of you if not you?! It’s great having a good man, family and friends around, but at the end, its you with yourself. Build up this relationship with yourself and make it strong. It’s time to start loving yourself. 

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Photoshoot location: Steigenberger Frankfurter Hof

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No more cruelty! Bring the love back.

No more cruelty! Bring the love back. 1200 800 Galia Brener

You are sitting in a cozy café with the girls, and yet again, another story is told about how some asshole hurt your friend in a disgusting way. Or perhaps you are fixing an old timer with your pals, and surprise, a story comes up about how some bitch tried to use him for all that he’s got! Is it just my impression, or has the world gone completely insane? It seems like it’s getting worse and worse. Since when was love banished by mankind and replaced with cruelty?

The classic sad example is of the toxic “Forever-Bachelor” (plenty of them in our beautiful Frankfurt – we all know them) who always finds the next girl to display themselves with at parties and events. They have fun with the girl, and then trade her in for another version, showing off to their sleazy buddies that they managed to stay bachelors for their entire like. They will not allow any woman to come into their life, control them, and steal their precious freedom away. Wake-up call: most of them will end up alone. There will not be anyone to give them a Paracetamol when they have a fever, bring them love, joy, take care of them and share the precious moments in their life. Wow, that sounds like an “amazing” life. Is that what you really want? Eventually you toxic bachelors will also get old, and then the girls won’t be looking at you anymore. Tough luck buddy, what you give is what you get.

Ladies, we are also getting older. I would suggest you to fall in love with a proper “good guy” who offers you his heart on a silver platter, instead of chasing these macho narcissistic morons. We did it in our teens, but now it’s time to switch on the brain and have a man who will be a good husband and father. Sure James Bond & Co. are handsome and rich, but what will he give you? Days and nights of tears because you can’t ever get to his heart? I am sure that many of you have that good guy who likes you so much, but he is just “too nice” for you… right? Well take a second look, because those are the guys that will make your life beautiful and wonderful.

What about all of those that complain about having so much to do and so little time? So many people are running around, working like zombies, slaves to their careers, taking things for granted, and not being satisfied with what they have. More, more and more. Greed. They need to be more efficient and effective at work to earn more money. Wake up call #2: Stop. Look around and realize how bloody lucky you are to be healthy and alive. Be thankful and stop complaining. Hug the ones you love. Reduce your stress. For time goes by quickly, and soon you will realize that you didn’t put time aside to simply “be” and enjoy the moments with yourself and the ones you love. Taking money to the grave won’t bring much. Sure, it will bring tons of happiness to the friendly neighborhood grave robbers, but that’s pretty much it. Slow down people. Think your priorities through, then decide how and what exactly to use your time “efficiently” for.

STOP. Relax and sit down. Forget for a moment about “important” life goals: being successful, rich, important, famous, more beautiful, having the best body, being skinny, looking young, being popular and adored by many, and and and…my head hurts from just thinking about that damn superficial crap we all worry about having, collecting, being and owning. And yes, I mean “ALL” of us. Every single one of us has some goal/idea/wish we strive to achieve, which we think is crucial to our existence – but is it really that important? Simple test of that fact: when you get something new, you enjoy it for some time, but after a short while, the magical appeal disappears, because you have seen something new that you must have! Well guess what? There will always be something or someone “new”… this gruesome circle never stops.

I don’t want to sound like a hippie in a democratic time, but whether you like it or not, karma is a very real concept, and if you live wrong, it will come and bite you in the ass. I have seen it happen positively and negatively with myself, and the ones that I love. What you do and how you live is what you will get back. Be good, and you will get goodness. In a strange but sad way, we all have some cruelty within us, therefore let us learn how to treat each other and ourselves with respect and dignity. No more cruelty!

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Photos by: Polina Brener

Location: Steigenberger Frankfurter Hof

My outfit – Dress: Pepe Jeans, Shoes: Jimmy Choo, Bag: Peter Kaiser

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We All Make Mistakes

We All Make Mistakes 1600 875 Galia Brener

To forgive or not to forgive, that is the question. We have all experienced hurts and unfair blows towards us, that leave us painfully asking ourselves: Why me? What did I do to deserve this from him/her? We can spend weeks thinking about why this happened. We feel confused, sad, and then angry! We swear to never open up to anyone again. We stay at home alone, licking our wounds, protecting ourselves from the world. Never ever again, we say. However, unless they have tried to physically kill you, forgiveness is the only functioning therapy that you can give your heart, mind and soul.

The best reason to forgive is for your own good! Do it firstly for yourself, and not the other person. As soon as you truly forgive, a large stone falls off of your chest, and you feel much lighter, and breath easier. Congratulations, you have released yourself from being your own victim. This doesn’t mean that you have to talk to the person again, but the fact that you let go of the betrayal, means that you moved on. This is very good for your karma, because you release the anger inside of you. Think of it as releasing poison from your body. And yes, you can be egoistic at times, and forgive someone for your own sake, and not theirs.

Of course you must realize that it’s not just about those big life-shattering betrayals. It’s also about those fights with your partner, parents or best friend. Those small arguments count just as much. You must be open enough to be able to forgive the ones you love. Everyone makes mistakes, and most likely, it was not done upon you from an evil heart. Throughout the years, I have come to realize that when someone I love apologizes to me, I must accept the apology and be able to let the anger go. Of course if the offense is not a drastic one, than accepting an apology and forgiving is the right thing to do.

A friend of mine told me a story last week, which fits quite perfectly. Heather and her boyfriend were away on holiday. On their last day, he woke up early, and was fidgeting around in bed. He got up, walked around the room, got back into bed, moved around and around, and got up and down again. Then he turned on the laptop and started watching a movie. Obviously this woke Heather up, and she was extremely tired. They have gotten to bed quite late the night before. All she wanted to do was sleep and rest. Her man complained that he was hungry and tried to hurry Heather to get up and get ready. Of course she got up and was pissed off at him, eyes half shut, tired beyond belief. She was grouchy, and showed it to him. He kept on pushing her to hurry, and she screamed at him to stop it! She was not even fully awake. Again she screamed quite rudely at him to stop. Instantly she felt bad for it. He gave her such a nice holiday. On their way to town for breakfast, she apologized twice for raising her voice at him. No reaction. At breakfast he was distant and silent. Heather thought to herself that instead of this childish cold-treatment, she could have been resting in bed now. They headed to the beach, and still no peace in sight. After two hours, she had enough of this crap, and said to him, “Why can’t you simply let it go? This is our last day here, and I have apologized twice to you already! Your ego is so dominating that you would rather ruin this entire day, instead of forgiving me, letting the crap go, and enjoying yourself as well!” After a few minutes, he turned to her and said that she was right. They kissed, and made up, and had the best day of their entire holiday. He annoyed her, she screamed, she apologized, and a while after he forgave her. Sound familiar?

What usually helps me is this thought: what if I never see this person ever again? What if you had a fight with your partner, he goes to work, has a car crash and dies? You will never ever see him again. Would you ever forgive yourself for parting ways in such anger? You would give anything to hug and kiss him again. Remember this for the rest of your life. A schoolmate of mine fought one morning with her sister, but she never came home from school that day. The woman still carries a hole in her heart larger than the Pacific Ocean. Our loved ones will not always be there with us. So think about it, was a fight that you recently had really worth it?

I am not suggesting to be a doormat, and allow everyone to walk allover you, but try to choose your battles wisely, and see what is really worth arguing about. Life is so damn short, so why make it more complicated for ourselves and loved ones? Live with an open and forgiving heart. Unless the damage is huge beyond repair, try to forgive others. Not only will you heal your own soul, you will also give them another chance to prove themselves, and love you more. I know it’s sometimes hard, but it’s even harder to never see your loved one again, or have the chance to forgive them for their silly error. Be kind and forgive, because everyone makes mistakes, including you.

Photos by Uwe M. Carl of Carl & friends: Marketing für Mode und Lifestyle.

Outfit by Albrecht Ollendiek

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Are you “dating” or just “hanging out”?

Are you “dating” or just “hanging out”? 1200 800 Galia Brener

Have you ever met with someone that you liked, went for dinner, maybe drinks after or even dancing, and at the end of the evening you get a hug and a friendly smile with a quick “thanks” and “bye”. You are left standing there wondering, “What the hell just happened? Was that even a date? Or does s/he only like me as a friend?” Rest assured that you are not alone and this strange confusion happens quite often. 

My friend Bill met a girl that he really liked. They “hung out” and always had fun. They did many things together like go to shows, dinners and parties. However, Jessica never kissed him or showed any physical interest in him. They never spoke about romance or sexual things. Bill thought that she simply needs her time. He was falling for her, and was in denial without wanting to face the truth. This kept on going for a few months, and still nothing happened. I told Bill that even an extremely shy girl would have wanted to kiss him after a few months, given that she was interested in him as more than just friends. Slowly he was starting to realize that these were not “romantic” dates! I told him to ask her straightforward, but he didn’t have the courage and didn’t want to risk pushing her out of his life. He did fall in love with her in the process, and unfortunately got hurt after realizing that she only thought of him as a “friend”. This can be avoided if you pay attention to the following signs:

It’s a date:

1. He reserves a table at a restaurant and pays the bill. 

2. S/he acts nervous around you on the first few dates.

3. There is some physical contact during the date – slight touching of forearm, elbow, etc. while talking. 

4. You feel the chemistry and tension between you, and he wants / tries to kiss you. 

5. S/he asks you a lot of questions, and seems genuinely interested in you, and wants to get to know you better. They show interest!

6. They compliment you in a flirty way.

7. S/he sends you a “Thank you and good night” text after the date. 

8. He acts very chivalrous and is a gentleman, and tries to positively impress you.

It’s not a date:

1. S/he asks you to go to a group event, and doesn’t pay much attention exclusively to you. 

2. If s/he asks you to “hang out”, and you end up doing something non-romantic at all. 

3. Spending time with a colleague and talking mostly about work, without personal questions.

4. If s/he talks a lot about a love interest or a person they like. 

5. Talks about their friends, and who would be a good match for you. Or gives you tips about dating, the opposite sex, flirting etc. 

6. No effort with their physical appearance. No one wears sweat pants on dates. 

7. S/he is not flirting or playful with you, and no kiss or physical intimacy. 

8. They bring a friend with them.

We live in an era full of confusions, where a date can actually be a non-date, or the person you fell in love with actually thinks you are their best friend, and nowhere near a romantic interest at all. Listen to your gut feeling and pay attention to the other’s body language. You should “feel” if there is romantic tension or not, and never lie to yourself. Never run after someone that doesn’t want you, because that will damage your confidence and self-respect. Make yourself available for someone that sees how wonderful you are, and actually wants to have romantic dates with you!

The best advice I can give you is to be straightforward. Communicate and simply ask them in a cute way, “Are we going on a date?” with a smile while asking. This should never be an embarrassing thing to do! Better to say it straight up and know where you stand, rather than get hurt after, like my friend Bill did. We were born with mouths to speak and ask what we don’t understand. It’s so easy, but unfortunately we make it complicated for ourselves. Guessing games suck too much happiness away from you. Don’t guess, just ask.

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There is nothing wrong with being single.

There is nothing wrong with being single. 1200 899 Galia Brener

According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, the word single is defined as: “Not having or including another: only one.” What the hell is this nonsense? It sounds so lonely and awful! Please do not listen to Mr. Merriam or Webster, who wrote this depressive crap in the early 19th century, when being single after the age of 20 was considered a mortal sin! Being single does not mean that you are the only one, lonely or that you do not have anyone else. Quite the opposite! Being single means that you are clever enough not to jump onto the next best thing, just for the sake of “having a partner” or having a heart in your Facebook relationship status. I like to say, “It’s better to be single than in a bad relationship.”

There are advantages to being single, such as more time for getting your things done. We tend to get sad and think of how much we want love when we are single. But instead of being sad, take that same energy and invest it into your career. You have a chance to increase your motivation, to focus and concentrate on your work, and not get sidetracked. You should use this spare time to apply yourself as much as you can to achieve success. Don’t forget that when you meet a new love, the concentration is gone for the first half a year, and your career might suffer from it. So take the time now and make yourself successful. 

Grab your best friend, and finally go on that Asia trip that you have been dreaming of for so long! Don’t sit on your couch fantasizing about having a man beside you, instead get off your bum, book a flight, pack your nice outfits and enjoy life! Make your single time special and truly unforgettable. When the man and children come, there will not be much time to leisurely fly around the world with your girls. You will have responsibilities to take care of, and jet-setting will not be your first priority, so why not do it now? Travelling enriches the soul, and broadens your horizon. Your adventures will shape and make you the person that you are meant to be. Besides, you never know what happens on such journeys, and whom you meet. You might be pleasantly surprised.

My friend Jilli is a good example for this. She was hurt in the past, and it was the last drop in her tortured love life, so she swore off men and simply didn’t care anymore. Instead, she founded her own company, worked her bum off, became successful, traveled the world with her friends, took care of her health and body, spend precious time with her parents, cooked delicious meals for herself, and simply enjoyed life. She was not going to put her happiness in the hands of a stranger anymore. She wanted to create her own happy world, and so she did! One warm summer evening we all went to the King Kamehameha boat party. Jilli was silly that evening, and the first thing she said was, “To hell with love!” I remember laughing because she had a Prosecco in one hand, and the other hand waving at the air pretending to send love away. The music was fantastic, the cocktails were delicious and the air was warm with sensual tension. This evening Jilli unexpectedly met the love of her life, Leo. Their love is still strong, and even today; Kingka is a magical love-charm for them. Jilli told me that last night she and Leo went to the Kingka Family Reunion party, and they had such a wonderful time! It brought them happy memories of when they first met. Kingka has and always will have a special place in their hearts.

But you see, love works quite differently than we want it to. As soon as Jilli didn’t stress and get desperate about it, love came flying straight towards her. She was occupied with life, instead of sitting sad at home. People smell a state of desperation, and it repels them away. Jilli chose life, and in the process got love. Being single is not a curse or bloody disease. So enjoy it. 

Harassing yourself with thoughts of “Where is he already?” will not get you anywhere. On the contrary, it will make you more miserable and desperate. Desperation is a bitch because she will force you to take anyone, just to feel close and warm to “someone”. When Lady Desperation comes knocking on your door, send her back to hell where she belongs. You are fabulous and deserve the best, so please don’t settle for less because you can’t stand being single anymore. We have all been there. The best thing is to start occupying yourself with important things as soon as possible. Going out, partying and drinking with your friends might be an entertaining way too pass time, but it will not leave you satisfied. It’s better to include some serious goal making and achieving time during your single phase. Then you can look back and see that you have accomplished something during this time. Don’t sit and wait for a partner to come into your life to complete and make you happy. What about your friends, family, hobbies, goals and dreams? There is so much to be done, and absolutely no time to be sad – besides, frowning causes wrinkles, and you don’t want those. So get up, dust yourself off, embark on your adventures and start living fully – single or not! 

Photo by: Uwe M. Carl

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WhatsApp killed the relationship

WhatsApp killed the relationship 1200 899 Galia Brener

It was a long drive back home, and thankfully I was well equipped with a good book to read, two new flavors of chips I have never tried before, and some cold Coke Zero. Everything a girl needs for a comfortable ride on the train, form one end of the country to the other. Across from me was sitting a young lady with long dark hair and big blue eyes. I noticed that she was typing something intensely into her mobile phone. I could almost see the smoke of anger coming out of her ears! She continued to abuse the poor phone, pressing her sharp long nails on the screen, creating an awful unbearable sound, like nails scratching a blackboard. Suddenly, the girl aggressively threw her phone onto the carpeted floor of the train, and let out a frustrated, angry sigh. She had tears in her eyes.

I asked if everything was fine with her, and she told me that she broke up with her long-term boyfriend… on her mobile phone! To ease the tension, I jokingly said that it must have been a hell of an SMS she just sent, and that she probably used up all her messages with that long text. She looked at me, like I was from a planet where dinosaurs still existed. She answered, “SMS? Do people still use those? I broke up with him on WhatsApp of course!” The answer to a love that lasted for 3 years: a break up on Whats-Bloody-App! The poor bastard did not even deserve a good old-fashioned SMS. He was not worth the price of it. WhatsApp is for free. What the hell happened to our world?

The further technology develops, the worse personal communication becomes. People can sit and type for hours on WhatsApp, instead of hearing each other’s voice, or meeting for a drink. Digital communication literally kills our relationships. A nice chat with your partner can turn into a disaster. One wrong letter, one wrong word, one wrong emoji smiley, and all of a sudden you are having a dreadful argument. The awful thing about digital communication is that it lacks the one and most important thing… emotions! Facebook is not much better. What if your man “liked” or wrote a “too-friendly” comment on a photo of a girl that you don’t know? Or even better, his ex-girlfriend contacted him. Or perhaps you find out the guy you are dating is flirting with ten other women on Facebook? Or perhaps even seeing them all? When our beloved Internet arrived, it brought with it many opportunities, but also many complications. The Internet turned us into a multiple-choice society. You can have A, B, C, D… or all of them online. It’s so easy to flirt left and right online with hundreds of men/women at the same time. In my opinion, this killed the purity of dating and love. Instead of searching for “The One and Only,” now online it’s all about dating and sleeping with “more and more”… or sadly even “ALL.”

My friend Gloria once destroyed a new relationship due to WhatsApp, because she did not know how the program functions. She met a guy at a party in Sachsenhausen. He was a rocker with a dirty attitude. Just a nasty man who believed that he must sleep with all of the women in Frankfurt before he died. Actually she luckily saved herself by killing this relationship, but that’s a whole other story. For now we shall only look at the mechanics of how technology killed this fake love. Gloria is a WhatsApp junkie. It’s the oxygen she breathes and the digital food she eats to stay alive. After meeting this creep, she started her usual “WhatsApp Romance” with him. They would communicate only online. I asked her why she doesn’t call him, and she said that if he wants to reach her, “he” should call. After they met a few times, Claudia fell for this idiot. She always complained that it took him too long to answer. She saw that he is online and typing something, but no text appeared on her screen. This happened a few times, so she accused him of being online and writing to “someone” else. He said that he was writing to her the entire time, but didn’t send the messages because he wanted to write something nice, so he kept rewriting his messages. I told Claudia that it is true. If she saw beside his name “typing”, then he was actually writing to her. She can’t see if he writes to someone else. She was devastated, shocked and angry with herself. She tried to save the new relationships, but it was too late. He accused her of being crazy and controlling… and all because of digital communication.

Thankfully there is a solution to this depersonalization and mass confusion. Instead of sending your loved one a text message, pick up the phone and call. You get to hear their voice, feel the emotions in their laughter, and share a few minutes of your day with them. If you have something important to say, try to do it with a call, or even better by talking to the person face-to-face. This will increase personal courage and strength of character. I have a new rule for myself (I am also guilty of using WhatsApp & Co.): if I feel that I have more courage to write to someone – which is the “easy” way out – then I wait to meet with them and say what’s on my heart in person. Sometimes It’s easier to say certain things or make confrontations electronically, instead of face-to-face. This takes courage away from people, and reduces empathy. Another thing that I would recommend, which I had to learn the hard way, is please do not have discussions with your partner via written words like sms, emails, Facebook, WhatsApp, etc. This will only make things worse because no emotions can be read. Meet them personally and work things out. Do not send angry messages on your phone. You will only hurt yourself in the process. Technology kills love. Of course we are busy, and do not always have time. In such cases texting helps, but nonetheless, let’s try to keep a more personal contact to the people that are important to us. I am also guilty of this sometimes, and will start now. It’s possible to save our relationships by being more personal. Let’s not hide behind our technology and have the audacity to face the people we care about. After all, a real kiss can only happen when you look your lover directly in the eye… and not via FaceTime.

Photo by Uwe M carl of the Carl & Friends Agency

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