PHILOSOPHY OF LIFE

Your Inner Child

Your Inner Child 800 1200 Galia Brener

I remember when I was a teenager in Toronto, my girlfriends and I had our first fake IDs made to get into clubs and parties. We couldn’t wait until our 18th birthday, and tried everything to look older. Make-up, higher heels, and sophisticated clothing. Now we are double that age, and try to do everything to look younger. Funny thing that we use the same tricks to try and turn back the aging-clock: Make-up, higher heels, and sophisticated clothing. Why did we not realize how amazing it was to be young and enjoy our childhood? Why did we always want to be older?

Society expects us to be responsible. Grow up fast, get an education, find a partner, have children, take care of them, get old, retire and die. So when do we actually have the chance to live out our dreams, and have fun? As a child you are not aware of the freedom that you have. You simply grow and become an adult. Well my dear adults, now that you are finally “there”, it’s time to reverse the process, start believing in Fairytales again, and awaken your inner child. Yes, s/he is still in there, but most likely has been sleeping for the last decades. Let’s wake it up, and see what new adventures the world has to offer us!

A common problem is that people are scared to be judged by society. What will people say if they see me like this? This reminds me of a date that I had a few years ago. I met a guy at an event in Frankfurt. Let’s call him “Mr. Cool”. On our first date, we went for a nice summer walk. Along the way, I saw a fun playground. I don’t know what has gotten into me, but I ran towards it, and decided to climb the monkey bars, run on the overhead ladder, go on the swings… you get the point. I ran around acting like a crazy kid. I glanced at Mr. Cool, and I cannot even describe the look he gave me. A mix of “Jesus-what-the-hell-are-you-doing-get-off-that-swing-immediately!” and “I-don’t-know-this-crazy-girl-she-is-such-a-weirdo” look. To be honest, at that moment I didn’t even care what the ice block Mr. Cool was thinking about me, because I was having so much fun. He came to me, and I thought that he will finally join me on the swing, but instead he said, “Galia, stop it! This is embarrassing! I am a famous actor (He is indeed a well-known German actor), what will people think of me when they see me making a fool of myself on this playground?” Right at that point, I realized that it will never work out between us. Money and fame aside, if the guy cannot be easy-going and appreciate the simple joys in life, then he is not for me. Fun is not just eating at expensive restaurants, but also doing silly things like jumping on a swing together. I politely walked with him back to where we met, said goodbye, smiled, and left as quickly as possible. Why do some people take themselves so seriously? Do we really have to stick to these rigid “Adult behavior rules”, or can we sometimes let our inner child out to play? Mr. Cool called the next day to invite me to dinner, but I told him that my heart was not in it. I could not pretend to be someone that I’m not. I was looking for the one that would climb the monkey bars with me, laughing and being crazy together like children.

That is not to say that we have to ignore our responsibilities, quite the contrary! We have to enjoy ourselves and have fun while achieving our goals and tasks. When you do something with a happy heart, your task becomes a pleasure, and the result will be better. For example, if you are cleaning your car, draw funny figures on the dirty window, and send a picture of it to your loved one. If you have to clean your flat, put on some loud music and run around the house doing funny dances, while cleaning. Do what you can to make the task more fun. I know that daily stress due to work and personal issues can bring a huge amount of pressure upon us, but we must try to do our best to make this process easier for us. Being hard on yourself will not make the problems go away. You must give your “Adult-self” a chance to rest and rethink how you can ease the pressure with a good strategy. Try doing something fun, different, childish and funny in order to bring your mind to positive thoughts. Maybe then, new problem-solving ideas will come to you! The easiest way to begin is by smiling more often.

The older I get, the more I realize how special the time was when I was a child. Free of worries, free of fear, free to live and enjoy! It’s time to bring back the innocence, joy and pure form of fun. Purity. The world is missing this. We need to go back to the basics before we had the car, the mortgage, and the debts. We have to try to capture that feeling of pure joy that we once felt as children. There is much evil and hatred out there. Just turn on the news. Every day another catastrophe. Let’s try to be children of light, instead of darkness. You can enjoy by doing the simplest of things. Remember how excited we used to be when walking with our parents in the forest, looking for mushrooms? Or making homemade cookies with our grandmother, and eating them with our friends? Try to capture this feeling again.

Maybe these few ideas can help: look at photos of your childhood, play board games, take walks around fun places, go to an amusement park, throw out the “cool” attitude/personality, and be who you are, live more in the present, sing funny songs, draw, paint (even if you cant do it well!) be curious, ask questions, daydream, try doing the things you loved to do as a kid, play video games, and most important of all, never say “I’m too old”. The child within you is waiting to come out and play. So go ahead, be silly. No one is watching! And if they do, who cares?

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Galia Brener and DJ Jazzy Jeff – April 2016

Galia Brener and DJ Jazzy Jeff – April 2016 836 470 Galia Brener

My funny and awesome interview with DJ Jazzy Jeff in Gibson. And yes, he believes in true love and aliens! ;-)

Thanks to Ana Simina for making this video and Bruno for editing it. And of course to Oli for taking care of us on Friday evening! :-)

 

Are you a slave to your EGO?

Are you a slave to your EGO? 1080 530 Galia Brener

Hello, my name is EGO, and I am here to destroy your relationships. I am your best friend, and in fact, I am you! Let me teach you our rules: you better damn know that we are always right! They hurt us, so we must punish them by becoming distant, cold, and letting them suffer. Let’s stay mad, and not talk to them for a few days, see how they feel about that! That will teach them a big lesson, and make them crawl back to us, begging for forgiveness. I am the best, smartest, most intelligent, fantastic thing that exists. I am the EGO after all! My way of doing things is always the best. Everyone must do things my way, because I am a control freak! I must warn you about our enemy “Love”. Being your ego, I want what’s best for you. I take care of you, and make sure you are always protected against the enemy. Love is very tricky. Love always wants me to listen to the other side of the story, and also admit when I am wrong! Can you believe it?! Love requires a strange thing called “compromising”. It’s totally beneath me. I do not do compromising since my opinion is the right one, why should I agree with anyone else? They must only agree with me! If Love doesn’t understand that, then she can drown herself in the toilet. I will be happy to push the handle and watch her flush down, where she belongs. My name is EGO, and I am the only one who truly cares about you. I want the best for you! I adore always saying “I”, since “I” am the center of the Universe!

Sounds funny right? Unfortunately, that’s what happens in the minds of most people. Maybe not to such a drastic extent, but everyone’s Ego has gotten in the way of their happiness, at least once in their lives.

My friend Cindy told me a story about her boyfriend. They loved each other very much. Unfortunately after a few months, both started having problems with their jobs. This stressed them out, and made them fight. They had long talks, and Cindy realized what her mistakes were. She wanted to compromise and make the necessary steps to heal the relationship. She loved him more than the air she breathed. He continued to be cold and distant, even though she made such a huge effort to come towards him, and understand him. She opened her heart to him, and explained why these problems occurred, because she waned them to find a path together for the future. Cindy managed to step over her ego, and did all she could to save the relationship. His mistakes also created problems and fights, but he wouldn’t admit it. With horror, she realized, “How can a man suddenly turn off his love and emotions towards her, when he supposedly loved her so much?” And then the bitter truth struck her. He never did truly love her. A man that genuinely loves his woman is happy when she wants to make compromises, and save the relationship. Everyone is different when entering a relationship, and only compromises can save true love. Throwing something away is quite easy. His ego and pride were standing in his way. He couldn’t see beyond, and it made him weak. Due to this, he lost the person that loved him more than anyone ever did or will. He will realize this as time goes by, when sadness and regret settle deep in his broken heart. By then, it will be too late.

To be able to “truly” love, you must drop the ego. The Ego knows no difference between male or female. We all have this evil inside of us. The Ego sticks its wicked claws into the person, controls them, and usually ruins their loves and lives. It must be controlled and not given any power! For example feeling jealousy, or feeling the need to argue with your partner until s/he admits that you are right. These fights usually occur about minor issues, and during times of stress. You might think that the other is taking advantage of you, and your point of view is less important then theirs. My advice to you is, don’t sweat the small stuff, simply let it go! You cannot always be right. What helps is resisting the temptation to always feel the need to defend yourself. This is actually the Ego defending itself. The Ego will win the argument, but you can lose your partner. Think about it, is this situation worth losing your loved one?

After this initial reaction to a fight, there is sometimes a need to continue punishing the partner. He hurt you, and therefore must pay the price for this. You give him/her the silent treatment, creating mountains of distance between you two. Who will write or call first? How long will you continue to treat your partner this way after the argument? Until the love completely dies? Actually, you are also hurting yourself in the process of this unnecessary harsh treatment.

You must learn to agree to disagree! Learn to compromise! After arguments, the Ego will always try to trick you with doubts, fear, self-defence, re-thinking/evaluating the relationship, thinking “This doesn’t make me happy anymore, I need to protect myself and get out now!” The cold brutal rationality kills any feeling of love that you both established before. There will be fights once in a while, but you must be ready to let the issue go, or not only give blame, but also take blame upon yourself. Even Soul Mates are challenged with fights, in order to determine if their love for each other is real and strong. Be brave and tame your Ego. Build your own inner strength! This will not humiliate you, quite the opposite actually, this will make you strong and brave! How much longer do you want to be a slave to your Ego? If you are not willing to adjust to each other and work together on your relationship, then do yourself and your heart a favor, do not fall in love at all.

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6 Steps for Classy Flirting

6 Steps for Classy Flirting 1080 530 Galia Brener

I like to observe people all around me. Last week I was on the train and saw a pretty young lady sitting not too far away from me. As the train reached the Frankfurt main station, a handsome man walked in and sat down across from her. I knew right away that I will get a nice article from this scenario.

Flirting varies from person to person. Some are simply born with the talent to flirt and charm, some feel awkward doing it, some think it’s cheap, while others are flirt-o-holics and cannot live without it. So what’s the secret to flirting and how is it done in a classy way with the best results?

Back to my train-spying-romance-story. I looked closely at the woman, and noticed that her eyes brightened when she saw him. She straightened her posture and tried to make herself more alluring to him. He didn’t notice a thing. She glanced at him and looked away. The ride was quite long, so she did that many times, but the guy still had no clue. After a few more attempts, she gave up her subtleness and just gawked shamelessly at him. She arched her back, placed a half smile on her lips, and looked fiercely into his eyes without blinking! She looked wild and hungry, like in a cannibal-cloud-nine-bath-salts kind of way. I was watching them, entertained out of my mind – who needs a movie when you have freak shows all over the city? She tried to bat her eyelashes at him – but instead of being sexy, it looked like she was trying to blink her own eyelid away, opening her eyes wider each time. The guy was squirming very uncomfortably in his seat by now. Eventually her “flirting” technique scared the hell out of him, so he got up and walked quickly away. So ladies and gentlemen, now that we know the wrong way to flirt, let’s see how we can do it the right way.

1. The Eye Contact: This is the most important aspect of the flirt-system! What usually works for me is first a quick glance in his direction. If he sends you a glance back, lock eyes for a moment and look away. Continue doing that for a few times, each time locking eyes for longer periods of time. I wouldn’t recommend looking over too often. Besides, you will feel and see if he’s interested or not.

2. The Smile: After the eye contact, comes your time to shine – beam him/her with a warm and welcoming smile, but please don’t overdo it. We don’t want to come across as psychopaths – a.k.a. – Train Girl. A genuine smile is the sexiest thing and guy or girl can wear, because it shows happiness. Happy people are very attractive. As with the first step, look and smile a few times. If s/he smiles back, you’re in! If not, don’t waste your time because they are most likely not interested.

3. The Approach: This one is more for the guys. I’m a bit of an old fashioned girl and don’t approach men first. I feel that if I have sent out the right signals, topped it off with a warm lovely smile, and if he’s interested, he will approach me. Here comes the best part gentlemen – all you have to do is walk over, smile and say hello. Offer her a drink and introduce yourself. No pick up lines, no playing too cool, no wise guy remarks. Just be sincere, charming, warm and friendly. It’s really as easy as that. If this doesn’t work, then move on – nothing lost.

4. Body Language: Do not cross your arms when talking to him/her. Do not lean away from the person – instead – lean in towards them in the conversation. What works well is to imitate the other person’s body language, because that means you are in sync. Don’t hold out on the smiles or act too serious. Be open and relaxed. Make sure you have a good posture and don’t slouch.

5. Be Charming: Ask him or her questions, and show that you are interested in what they have to say – but don’t fake it. Be genuine, and only show interest if it’s there. When talking, a gentle touch on the arm, or a playful push and laugh is always a nice way to create subtle closeness. Don’t brag about how great your career is, or how cool your friends think you are. No one likes show-offs. Respect the other person and show your good manners. Making an honest compliment works really well. Everyone likes to hear something nice about themselves, but don’t get too personal or sexual right away.

6. Most Important – Lower Your Expectations: If you meet someone that you really like, do not start dreaming right away that this could be the one and put pressure on yourself. Men and women smell desperation and neediness – and this is not the impression you want to leave. So if it goes well, exchange numbers and take it from there. I highly recommended going slow at the beginning.

Flirting is a nice way to increase your self-esteem and confirm to yourself that you are attractive to others. It’s a way of saying to yourself, “I still have the touch.” Flirting is great for getting to know someone who has caught your eye and improving your communication skills. It’s also a great energy booster, and puts you in a positive mood. However, if someone is clearly not responding to your flirting, accept that they are not that into you and walk away. Don’t continue, thinking that they are simply playing hard to get. You will see and feel when it’s not working out. Not everyone is meant to be for everyone – that would be too boring. Your turn will come. Do not let anyone bring you down, and have faith that you deserve true love, and know that you will have it. Know your worth, and always respect yourself – if you do, so will others! Go out there and enjoy a nice evening of flirting.

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Do you deserve true love?

Do you deserve true love? 1080 530 Galia Brener

We live in a time surrounded by high-tech gadgets and artificial intelligence, yet the one thing that still confuses mankind is the concept of “true love”. The big problem is that people tend to blame each other, but do they look within themselves to figure out what their own flaws are? No wonder the aliens haven’t arrived yet. The silly humans can’t deal with their own crap, let alone ET.

So now is the moment of truth…

Do you have the guts to admit to any of the questions below?

Do you always like to be right and win an argument? Do you always want to be in control? Is your opinion always the right one, because you think you know better? Do you let your emotions control you and create dramas? Do you make a big deal out of small things? Do you like to argue? Is it hard for you to compromise? Do you feel that people don’t understand you? Are you holding onto disappointment, pain or an ex from the past? Do you have fear of rejection? Do you lose your temper often? Do you get angry fast? Are you hard to get along with? Do you take people for granted? Do you get offended or hurt easily by what people say? Are you too sensitive or not sensitive enough? Are you greedy? Are you selfish and egoistic? Do you use people? Are you a cheater? Do you lie to get your way? Do you play with people’s feelings? Do you speak bad about and hurt others? Do you only take and not give back? Do you overanalyze? Are you a pessimist? Are you jealous? The list goes on and on.

At least 4 of the above questions used to affect me, until one day I decided to be brutally honest with myself and stop this torture. My own foolish behavior was hurting me. I decided to work on myself to become a better person, and give true love a chance to find me and enrich my life.

No one is born perfect, but we must work on ourselves in order to deserve true love.

Life is about learning and growing. I call it self-evolution.

1. Learn from your mistakes: Look back at all your relationships and figure out the pattern. Where have you been wrong? What could you have done better? Perhaps you have chosen the wrong partners? Don’t always date the same “types” – try meeting different kind of people. Be honest with yourself and see what you did wrong in the past. Work on yourself and evolve. Do not repeat your mistakes. If you were or still are an asshole, work on yourself to change and become a better person. It’s never ever too late to become a good human being!

2. Open up your heart to love again: I know this is one of the hardest things to do, especially if you have been hurt in the past! This takes a lot of strength and courage. Many people tend to become cynical and bitter after they have been hurt. However, only the strong can get up, dust themselves off and have the courage to open up to love again. Fact is: if you wont open up anymore, you will never have a chance to meet your true love. We have all been hurt, but would you rather be safe and stay alone, or take a leap of faith and meet someone wonderful?

3. Surround yourself with positive people that are seeking out the good in life: We all have those friends that love to complain about how bad their life is, or how awful men are. Please stay away from such negative people and their dramas! These “friends” influence a negative thinking pattern that you are a victim to bad men/women that will only want to hurt you. Instead, surround yourself with happy, strong, positive and life-loving people. They might even have a good friend to set you up with. Implant your mind with positive thinking patterns!

4. No desperation: Being  desperate is the key to failure, hurt and pain. Even if you have been single for years, do not date someone that is bad to you, just for the sake of being in a relationship! Be honest with yourself – is s/he good for you? I always say, better single and happy, than with a partner that makes you feel miserable!

Communicate your needs, thoughts and feelings. S/he is not a psychic. If something is bothering you, say it. Even if you think it’s embarrassing, say it. Do not be afraid to loose him/her. If it’s true love, you will not lose them. You will only gain their respect by being able to talk about and sharing your thoughts, opinions and problems.

The trick to finding true love is by first working on yourself and making sure that you truly deserve it. It’s always easy to point fingers at others, but look at yourself first! Believe me, I have gone through this self-evolution process as well. Once you have the guts to face the truth and work on your flaws to become a better person, true love will find you! Good luck.

 

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Arguing with your love – can you apologize first?

Arguing with your love – can you apologize first? 1080 530 Galia Brener

I had a long conversation with my friend Heather last week. She had a stupid fight with her man because of a small thing. The problem is that when she is in the heat of the moment, she only sees red. Reason and sensibility are thrown out of the window. At the end of the argument, he told her that he is usually the one who restores the harmony after a fight. This time, he did not want to be the first one to apologize again! He felt like an idiot that was always running to her, so he decided to leave their flat to clear his mind.

After he left, Heather did not know what to do. She felt sick to her stomach. She hated when they parted in anger and sadness. This left her with a feeling of helplessness and pain. She stayed in bed all Saturday morning, crying and sleeping in between. If was afternoon and he hasn’t called her yet. Usually he would have tried to call her at least 3 times, trying to make amends. But this time was different. Nothing came from him and this scared her. She did not want to lose him, because she loved him more than anyone else in the world. Heather called me in the evening, and I could hear the pain and panic in her voice. I quickly came over, equipped with wine and snacks, and we sat down to make a plan.

The plan was quite simple. It was up to her to apologize first this time. I asked her, “Heather, would you rather be right, or be happy?” She had to let go of always wanting to be “right”. Why is there always a need to win every argument? This only makes the fight last longer. The good thing is that they did not continue their argument after he left via digital communication. No bad words on WhatsApp, and no hurtful emails. This saved many sentences that both could have regret later. Is it worth to damage your love because of a meaningless argument and an ego that is too proud to compromise? No! Have we become such an ego-dominated society, that we are willing to lose our partner instead of being the first to apologize or make peace?

I advised Heather to send him a photo of her, with a sweet kiss and heart to break the initial ice. It worked like a charm. He called her back within a few minutes. He was colder than usual at first, but she went in with a mission to melt his heart. She told him that no matter what happens, she loves him very much, and he is the only one for her. She was sweet and loving on the phone. He became much warmer towards the end of the phone call. They hung up and I finally saw the beautiful smile on her face again. It worked!

When he came home, she was waiting for him with open arms. She jumped on him and kissed him all over. This made him very happy. That same night they had some drinks and an open talk. She said that he is very important to her, and she does not want to lose him and their special love. She promised to let go of small things, not hang onto words, to listen and communicate better. He promised to be more patient to her, and work on his communication skills as well. He said that her sudden reconciliatory behavior surprised him, because he was always the one to apologize first. She made the right choice, and her actions showed him that she is willing to work on herself, and their relationship.

If we truly love our partner, why is it so hard to apologize or make peace first? There are a few different reasons that stop us: The Ego. Our evil “best-friend”. It will always try to convince you that you are right. The Ego will try to tell you that making the first move after a fight shows dependency and weakness. The Ego also thinks that apologizing first will make you lose the upper hand and also the control in the relationship. The most ridiculous thing that the small pathetic Ego thinks: apologizing to your partner first is like being the “loser” and the person receiving the apology is the “winner.” How crazy is that? Do we want this small invisible creature to control us and destroy our relationships?

Some people stay completely in denial. They think if they do not “admit” that they are wrong, then in reality they are not actually wrong! They completely ignore and drown their problems. Worse of all, are the people who do not have empathy. These are the careless, cold, heartless people who do not care about others. These are the players, the bad boys/girls, the ones who only do things for their own satisfaction and benefit. If this is the case, then run as fast and far away as possible from them. They will never take responsibility for their actions, and continue hurting you over and over again. These are the dark lost souls that will never know what love really is.

If you truly love and care about your partner, then go to them and make peace. Life is short, and every second wasted being angry can be spent enjoying each other and making love. Even if you were not wrong, you can still sometimes be the first one to make peace. If they love you, they will appreciate this gesture and learn from it. If you see that your partner takes your apologies for granted, then they are not the right one for you. If this is real love, then you will both benefit from the apology and peace. The best way to do that is to ask yourself if being right is more important than having a strong connection with your partner? It’s important to stand up for yourself when being “truly” attacked. But it is more important to be able to let the small things go! Be smart, kill the ego and save the love.

 

‪#‎RelationshipGoals‬ ‪#‎love‬ ‪#‎happy‬ ‪#‎healthyrelationship‬

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Food shopping and flirting paradise at the Kleinmarkthalle

Food shopping and flirting paradise at the Kleinmarkthalle 1080 530 Galia Brener

One of the things I love most about Frankfurt is the amazing Kleinmarkthalle. For those who don’t know what this is, it’s a public indoor market with various food, drinks and flower vendors. Some stands are exotic and international, and some are locals from the Hessen area in Germany.

It’s a wonderful traditional that we have here in Frankfurt. We like to grab our friends and come for a glass of wine at the Kleinmarkthalle on a Saturday afternoon. Here you can find people from many walks of life, tasting delicious wines from local wineries and chatting about life and the world. It’s a great place to talk to the person standing beside you, or smile at someone across the wine stand. The atmosphere is one of pleasure and relaxation.

I always recommend the Kleinmarkthalle to my friends on a Saturday as the perfect place to meet new people, and maybe even spark up a conversation with a potential dating partner. Since the people are quite relaxed here, it’s a perfect place to flirt. My favorite days are when the sun shines, directly on people’s faces and also reflects on the full wine glasses. I love it there in the summer time, as well as on the cold but dry winter days.

The wine tasting and drinking happens outside and on the top terrace area, whereas the delicious food shopping takes place inside the Kleinmarkthalle itself. Sometimes I come alone here, and walk slowly isle after isle, discovering all of the unfamiliar food and drinks. This is like therapy for the eyes and heart. It’s like drifting away to a culinary world, where everyone is on the same mission to find the perfect flavor to tease and tempt their taste buds! This is also a great place to buy or create that unforgettable bouquet of flowers for yourself and loved ones.

Last Saturday I discovered the best thing ever! I am addicted to fresh coconut water, and I found a stand that sells fresh coconuts. They open up the nut for you, and you can drink it directly there or take it home. As I was walking around like an alien with my huge coconut, I felt a bit misplaced amongst the wine lovers. But it was detox week for me, so it was the perfect drink to compliment my diet. I even took the coconut home and ate the inside part the next day.

I have to say that all the relaxing sounds, flavors and colors make me appreciate how lucky I am to be able to enjoy this on the weekends. I bought a few healthy Mediterranean tapas to take home with me. Included were green olives, Taramasalata, artichokes, Aioli, octopus salad, sun dried tomatoes, pickles and a fresh loaf of sourdough bread.

As I left the Kleinmarkthalle, I looked around at the beautifully blinding sun, and was happy to see all of the people mingling outside, sipping their Riesling, flirting and enjoying the sun! This is definitely a must see in Frankfurt on a Saturday afternoon.

I wish you a great start to your week!

Hugs, Gali

 

My outfit: Jacket @patriziapepe, shirt@hm, leggings @calzedonia, bag @burberry,  sneakers @prada

Photo by: Polina Brener of Who Would Think?

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