Galia Brener

Image this scenario: It’s a Thursday night, and your friends drag you out for a drink. You’ve had a tough week, and don’t feel like mingling and being amongst people. You try to refuse, but they don’t take no for an answer. You stand in front of your closet, trying to choose something decent to wear, but your heart is simply not in it. You throw on your can’t-go-wrong-dress, put on your high-yet-comfy heels, and leave the house. You feel yourself regretting every step that brings you further away from your comfortable couch. The girls take you to a trendy new bar, and suddenly it starts to look up, because you realize that you can drown your sorrows in a strong gin tonic! You slowly sip your drink and look around. A man approaches you and sits on the bar stool beside you. He’s absolutely drop-dead gorgeous. He starts talking to you, and you soon feel yourself melting away. He’s charming, warm, kind, sweet, and intelligent… and he wants to take you out to dinner on the weekend. You go home happier than ever.

Saturday is here, and you’re nervous as hell! You’re meeting “him” tonight! You look fabulous, and so does he. You have an absolutely amazing evening together. You feel the butterflies fly wildly around in your stomach, and your heart starts singing love songs to your brain. This date is followed by many more wonderful dates. Everything is simply perfect, and you are both very happy. You feel that he’s the one, and tell him that you love him. He hugs you tightly and says that he loves you too… but there is something that he has to tell you. He hasn’t told you this yet because he was scared to lose you. Your heart skips a beat, and almost stops. Your stomach lurches, as if you are sailing through 10-meter high waves, hanging on for dear life. What the hell does he need to tell you?

He’s married. You love him. He says he loves you. He doesn’t want to lose you, and tries to convince you to stay with him. You try not to see him for a few days, to gather distance from him. But you cannot. You need to see him, to kiss and hug him. You need to hear his voice, feel his closeness, his touch, his arms wrapped around you. But like it or not, you are now the “other woman”. The longer you date him, the harder it will be for you to leave. In the bottom of your heart and soul, you know that letting him go would be the better and smarter thing to do…. but it’s so damn hard!

Most men that have affairs do not leave their wives for the “other woman”. Even if he does leave his wife, there is no guarantee that he wont do the same thing with you, and the next woman after you. An acquaintance of mine, Maria, was dating a married man. She wanted to leave him but couldn’t. She was crazy about him. He kept on promising her to leave his wife, year after year. After 5 years, he still did not leave his wife, and he never did after. Maria ended up wasting 5 years with a man that was sharing his heart with two women. He told her that he doesn’t sleep with his wife anymore, and doesn’t even love her, but still he did not make an attempt to start a new life with Maria! She met him at 35 years of age, and is now 40 with a broken heart and wasted time.

Dating a married man is like being stuck with a bad Internet connection, and waiting for your favorite online store to load. Usually the page fails to load up, and the slow Internet crashes. It’s really time to move forward and let it go. You are putting your life on hold for a man that “might”, but most likely never will be yours. No matter how you try to justify it to yourself: “It really is true love”, or “He truly loves me”, “We are soul mates because we understand each other so well”… at the end of the day, a family is being wrecked. There is another woman on the other side who is miserable and suffering. She is trying to do everything do get her husband to notice her again. It’s an awful, painful and torturous feeling. Ask yourself this: can you truly love someone who is so disrespectful to his wife and family? He is having his cake and eating it too. Two women who want him, and he gets to decide what, where, when and with whom. Be honest to yourself, is this the life you really want?

I have seen a few friends suffer like never before. My advice to you would be to never start dating married men, and if you happen to find out later, break it off immediately. You will save your heart, soul, and a family! If he did this “with you”, then he will do this “to you” as well. Karma is also at risk here. You don’t want the same thing happening to you when you are married. Drop him, and take care of yourself. You deserve a wonderful man that will fall in love with you, and make you his one-and-only! You deserve the very best, and do not need to share your man with anyone else. It applies the other way around as well, for men dating married women. Be smart, and chose to be happy.

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In order to start this column in the most authentic way possible, I have ordered a family-sized pizza, with a soft drink and ice cream for dessert. Often I find myself thinking, how long do we actually have to live a lovely, fun, happy and satisfying life? 85 years if we are lucky. We start thinking about our body image at the age of 15 until approximately 70. That leaves us with 55 years of worrying about being skinny, having the perfect shape, no cellulite, toned muscles, fitting into smaller and smaller sizes, and having those bloody skinny jeans laying around that we so desperately want to fit into, but mysteriously never “comfortably” can! We force ourselves to eat a salad everyday – over and over again. Daily salad consumption, for 55 years makes it…. 20,075 damn salads! Congratulations boys and girls, we are officially worse than rabbits. I think it’s time to start eating what we want, and feeling happy about it!

Hungry = Angry. When hungry, your serotonin levels are low, and hence you feel angry, and sometimes even depressed. My mom knows not to talk to me until I have eaten a proper meal; otherwise I become a walking monster. I get irritated, and short-tempered. Even worse than that, my stomach and head start to hurt. Believe it or not, the “evil carbohydrates” help to rebuild serotonin quicker in your brain, which is responsible for making you feel happy. So do not run away from carbs, because if eaten in the right dosage, they are your friends!

We live in a time where being skinny has become the definition of beauty. Maybe I really am from another planet and do not understand the Earthly ways, but aren’t our curves and softness what makes us women feminine and beautiful? Yes? Then why is everyone going crazy to become a teeny tiny size? Somehow between the 1950’s and today, something got terribly lost in translation. This makes me angry! Who the hell started this mass confusion, and is responsible for this ridiculous chaos? Every (good) single man that I have spoken to lately says that he would love to meet a woman with nice curves. Can it be that we women are making our own life so complicated? Then again, I remember my 2nd ex blaming me for becoming fat after a visit to Japan (Without him…) I gained 4 kilos, and he made it sound like I became a blimp. Thank God I got rid of that freak. I was in a new country, and he thought that I wouldn’t try all of the delicious exotic foods? I would give him up again and again for a fresh piece of Kobe beef!

My friend Anatoly was dating a beautiful voluptuous Brazilian woman. They shared a huge passion for food. They cooked together, and tried out new restaurants. Anatoly adored her curves. She was the perfect vision of femininity for him. When they got married, his wife started spending more time with the snobby neighborhood women. They assured her that all the husbands have younger, skinnier and beautiful mistresses at work. They were crazy paranoid witches that influenced her very negatively. She lost a lot of weight, and did not eat much with Anatoly anymore. Their shared passion has disappeared. She was constantly hungry, moody, and angry. The love was suffering. She lost her beautiful feminine curves, and her bones hurt him while trying to make love. She became a ghost of what she once was, and eventually this led to divorce. He loved her desperately, and tried to show her the light, but she was lost in her own superficial world.

Guilt = Fat. I will share with you something important that I have learned from my past. If I would eat something really fatty, or in large amounts, I would constantly worry about it. I knew that the calories and fat were quite high, and felt that it will cause my body damage. I gained much weight in only just a week! I felt guilt all the time. It was a psychological jail, with the torture included! A few weeks later I lost those kilos, and decided to make an experiment. I ate exactly the same food and amounts, but felt no guilt or remorse after. I felt good about what I ate because I knew that for this moment of my life, I needed this food. The carbs made me happy! I felt relaxed because I could eat what I wanted without feeling bad. Well guess what? Same food, same amount, and my weight did not change. Sounds unreal, but it’s true. It’s all a psychological mind game. Guilt attracts negativity into your life and body.

Soul food = Happy person. The evil burger is calling your name. You tell it to shut up, but it doesn’t work because you fantasize about its juices in your mouth. Go ahead and eat the damn burger. Of course I am not suggesting you to exaggerate every day, and get a heart attack, but a bit more pleasure with your meals will make you happier. My theory is to enjoy and eat what you want, but not to overdo it. Have your healthy stuff in between, but leave space for the treats and goodies that your heart and soul desire. Love yourself and feed yourself. Do not starve, because your body will not forgive you. And remember… life is too bloody short to live on salads!

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Last night, I had a long conversation with my friend Heather Klein. She had a stupid fight with her man, because of a small insignificant thing. The problem is that when you are in the heat of the moment, you only see red. Reason and sensibility are usually thrown out of the window. At the end of the argument, he told her that he is usually the one who restores the harmony after a fight. This time, he did not want to be the one, yet again! Slowly he felt like an idiot that was always running to her. So he decided to leave their flat to clear his mind.

After he left, Heather did not know what to do. She felt sick to her stomach. She hated when they parted in anger and sadness. This left her with a feeling of helplessness and pain. She stayed in bed all Saturday morning, crying and sleeping in between. If was afternoon, and he had still not called her. Usually he would have tried to call her at least 3 times, trying to make amends. But this time it was different. Nothing came from him, and this scared her. She did not want to lose him, because she loved him more than anyone in the world. In the late afternoon, Heather called me, and I could hear the pain and tears in her voice. I quickly came over, equipped with wine and snacks, and we sat down to make a plan.

The plan was quite simple. It was up to her to make peace this time around. I asked her, “Heather, would you rather be right, or be happy?” She had to let go of wanting to be “right”. Why is there always a need to win every argument? This only makes the fight last longer. The good thing is that they did not continue their argument after he left via digital communication. No bad words on WhatsApp, and no hurtful emails. This saved many sentences that both could have regretted later. Is it worth to lose your love because of a meaningless, ridiculous argument, and an ego that is too proud to compromise? No! Have we become such an ego-dominated society, that we are willing to lose our partner instead of being the first to apologize or make peace?

I advised Heather to send him a photo of her, with a sweet kiss and heart to break the initial ice. It worked like a charm. He called her back within a few minutes. He was colder than usual at first, but she went in with a mission to melt his heart. She told him that no matter what happens, she loves him very much, and he is the one for her. She was sweet and loving on the phone. He became much warmer towards the end of the phone call. They hung up and I finally saw the beautiful smile on her face again. It worked!!

When he came home, she was waiting for him with open arms. She jumped on him and kissed him all over. This made him so happy! That same night they had some drinks and an open talk. She said that he is very important to her, and she does not want to lose him and their special love. She promised to let go of small things, not hang onto words, to listen and communicate better. He promised to be more patient to her, and work on his communication skills as well. He said that her sudden reconciliatory behavior surprised him, because he was always the one to apologize first after an argument. She made the right choice, and her actions showed him that she is willing to work on herself, and their relationship. Love conquers all.

If we truly love our partner, why is it so hard to apologize or make peace first? There are a few different reasons that stop us: The Ego. Our evil “best-friend”. It will always try to convince you that you are the best. The Ego will try to tell you that making the first move after a fight shows weakness. The Ego also thinks that apologizing first will make you lose the upper hand, and also the control in the relationship. The most ridiculous thing that the small pathetic Ego thinks: apologizing to your partner, or restoring the peace first is like being the “loser” and the person receiving the apology is the “winner.” How crazy is that? Do we want this small invisible creature to control us and destroy our relationships?

Some people stay completely in denial. They think if they do not “admit” that they are wrong, then in reality they are not really wrong! They completely ignore the problems. Worse of all, are the people who do not have empathy. These are the careless, cold, heartless people who do not care about the other. These are the players, the bad boys/girls, the ones who only do things for their own satisfaction and benefit. If this is the case, then run as fast and far away as possible from them. They will never take responsibility for their actions, and continue hurting you over and over again. These are the dark lost souls that will never know what love really is.

If you truly love and care about your partner, then go to them and make peace. Life is short, and every second wasted being angry can be spent enjoying each other, and making love. Even if you were not wrong, be the first one to approach them, and make peace. If they love you, they will appreciate this gesture, learn from it, and not take it for granted. The best way to do that is to ask yourself if being right is more important to you than having a strong connection with your partner. It’s important to stand up for ourselves when being “truly” attacked… but likewise it’s important to let the silly small things go! Girls and boys, let’s be smart, and save love.

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It was a long drive back home, and thankfully I was well equipped with a good book to read, two new flavors of chips I have never tried before, and some cold Coke Zero. Everything a girl needs for a comfortable ride on the train, from one end of the country to the other. Across from me was sitting a young lady with long dark hair and big blue eyes. I noticed that she was typing something intensely into her mobile phone. I could almost see the smoke of anger coming out of her ears! She continued to abuse the poor phone, pressing her sharp long nails on the screen, creating an awful unbearable sound, like nails scratching a blackboard. Suddenly, the girl aggressively threw her phone onto the carpeted floor of the train, and let out a frustrated, angry sigh. She had tears in her eyes.

I asked if everything was fine with her, and she told me that she broke up with her long-term boyfriend… on her mobile phone! To ease the tension, I jokingly said that it must have been a hell of an SMS she just sent, and that she probably used up all her messages with that long text. She looked at me, like I was from a planet where dinosaurs still existed. She answered, “SMS? Do people still use those? I broke up with him on WhatsApp of course!” The answer to a love that lasted for 3 years: a break up on Whats-Bloody-App! The poor bastard did not even deserve a good old-fashioned SMS. He was not worth the price of it. WhatsApp is for free. What the hell happened to our world?

The further technology develops, the worse personal communication becomes. People can sit and type for hours on WhatsApp, instead of hearing each other’s voice, or meeting for a drink. Digital communication literally kills our relationships. A nice chat with your partner can turn into a disaster. One wrong letter, one wrong word, one wrong emoji smiley, and all of a sudden you are having a dreadful argument. The awful thing about digital communication is that it lacks the one and most important thing… emotions! Facebook is not much better. What if your man “liked” or wrote a “too-friendly” comment on a photo of a girl that you don’t know? Or even better, his ex-girlfriend contacted him. Or perhaps you find out the guy you are dating is flirting with ten other women on Facebook? Or perhaps even seeing them all? When our beloved Internet arrived, it brought with it many opportunities, but also many complications. The Internet turned us into a multiple-choice society. You can have A, B, C, D… or all of them online. It’s so easy to flirt left and right online with hundreds of men/women at the same time. In my opinion, this killed the purity of dating and love. Instead of searching for “The One and Only,” now online it’s all about dating and sleeping with “more and more”… or sadly even “ALL.”

My friend Gloria once destroyed a new relationship due to WhatsApp, because she did not know how the program functions. She met a guy at a party in Sachsenhausen. He was a rocker with a dirty attitude. Just a nasty man who believed that he must sleep with all of the women in Frankfurt before he died. Actually she luckily saved herself by killing this relationship, but that’s a whole other story. For now we shall only look at the mechanics of how technology killed this fake love. Gloria is a WhatsApp junkie. It’s the oxygen she breathes and the digital food she eats to stay alive. After meeting this creep, she started her usual “WhatsApp Romance” with him. They would communicate only online. I asked her why she doesn’t call him, and she said that if he wants to reach her, “he” should call. After they met a few times, Gloria fell for this idiot. She always complained that it took him too long to answer. She saw that he is online and typing something, but no text appeared on her screen. This happened a few times, so she accused him of being online and writing to “someone” else. He said that he was writing to her the entire time, but didn’t send the messages because he wanted to write something nice, so he kept rewriting his messages. I told Gloria that it is true. If she saw beside his name “typing”, then he was actually writing to her. She can’t see if he writes to someone else. She was devastated, shocked and angry with herself. She tried to save the new relationships, but it was too late. He accused her of being crazy and controlling… and all because of digital communication.

Thankfully there is a solution to this depersonalization and mass confusion. Instead of sending your loved one a text message, pick up the phone and call. You get to hear their voice, feel the emotions in their laughter, and share a few minutes of your day with them. If you have something important to say, try to do it with a call, or even better by talking to the person face-to-face. This will increase personal courage and strength of character. I have a new rule for myself (I am also guilty of using WhatsApp & Co.): if I feel that I have more courage to write to someone – which is the “easy” way out – then I wait to meet with them and say what’s on my heart in person. Sometimes It’s easier to say certain things or make confrontations electronically, instead of face-to-face. This takes courage away from people, and reduces empathy. Another thing that I would recommend, which I had to learn the hard way, is please do not have discussions with your partner via written words like SMS, emails, Facebook, WhatsApp, etc. This will only make things worse because no emotions can be read. Meet them personally and work things out. Do not send angry messages on your phone. You will only hurt yourself in the process. Technology kills love. Of course we are busy, and do not always have time. In such cases texting helps, but nonetheless, let’s try to keep a more personal contact to the people that are important to us. I am also guilty of this sometimes, and will start now. It’s possible to save our relationships by being more personal. Let’s not hide behind our technology and have the audacity to face the people we care about. After all, a real kiss can only happen when you look your lover directly in the eye… and not via FaceTime.

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It was a rainy Sunday, and I was enjoying a delicious breakfast with my girlfriends at a cute French pastry shop downtown. The girls were sipping their Cappuccinos, and eating croissants with fruits. I was the only one who had croissants, additionally to my large plate of soft French cheeses, eggs, marmalade, and a pain au chocolat to top it all off. Did I mention that this was my second breakfast? Food is my second big love. He is comforting, exotic, delicious, and I definitely have a full-time “on” relationship with him.

As I was busy scooping the cheese into my mouth, I was listening to Claudia’s story about her Sir Cuckoo. They have been together for about three years. Some months were spent happy with plenty of adventures, cuddling and laughter. The months in between were dark and bitter, like my coffee, which needed an urgent dosage of sugar. Claudia told us that with Sir Cuckoo, the highs were very high. She felt like a queen beside him. He adored her, and wanted to spend every waking moment with her. They had deep, intense, bonding conversations until the morning hours. She said that they had a unique spiritual bond. She felt that he was her soulmate.

However, the lows were excruciatingly low! He would suddenly change towards her. Almost as if becoming a completely different person. During these phases, he was cold, distant and careless towards Claudia. This caused her tremendous grief. It felt like he was tearing her heart out of her body, cutting it in half with rusty scissors, throwing both pieces on the dirty floor and stepping on them until they turn into a bloody paste. In other words, he was killing her. She could not understand how can someone that is so close to her, suddenly become a stranger? He would go for days not calling her. Ignoring her existence. Then suddenly contact her, apologizing with tears in his eyes, saying how stupid and sorry he was. So of course, she would run back to him, wanting the highs, which felt so good. This happened again and again. There was no stability. No reassurance. No security. No peace in the love. It was a never-ending dream. But more precisely, it was a never-ending nightmare.

I was listening to Claudia, trying to chew and swallow my Brie without chocking on it. Why go back to someone that hurts you so much? Over and over again! Why engage in such torturous emotional sadomasochism? Claudia said that their sex life was the best she ever had. She never experienced such Earth-shattering orgasms before. It was like a drug to her. Of course Sir Cuckoo knew how to treat her falsely well, keeping her inside this sick game. He was an emotional vampire. He sucked out her energy, goodness, strength, and light. Leaving her weak and drained every time he was finished with her. She was a victim, helpless to his evil charm.

There is a well-known Russian proverb, “In a quarrel, leave room for reconciliation.” I am always a believer in fighting for a relationship. However, with On-Off relationships, I believe in the “1-Chance-Dance” rule. Maybe 2 chances if he’s some special Prince Charming or an alien, but usually the “1-Chance-Dance” is enough. In Hollywood movies and books, these cyclical relationships are seen as something romantic, but in real life, they cause extreme pain and suffering. In my honest opinion, if the relationship doesn’t get better the second time around, most likely, it never will.

So why do we still hold on? Why do we try 3, 5 or 10 times again? Do we secretly enjoy the pain? After all, pain is a much stronger and deeper emotion than happiness. Did we get used to them, and do not want to be single again? Do we fear that we wont find anyone better? However, I would rather like to romanticize this concept, and say that we stay because we have faith in love, and do not want to lose hope. But the truth to the matter is that the other one either doesn’t want a serious relationship, or they are not that much into us. There is no love there, and deep down, we know this.

After the initial breakup, my advice is: 1. Figure out for yourself if you miss your partner, or are you happier without them. 2. If you are happier without them, then Hallelujah for you! Go out and flirt your sexy bum off. You deserve some fun after the torture! However, if you miss her/him like crazy, then you must try giving it the “1-Chance-Dance!” Meaning, get back together. 3. Once you get back together, chose a night where you are both relaxed, drink a delicious bottle of wine, and talk about everything! What bothered you, what would you like to change in the future. Be open to communication! 4. You must also step over your ego and accept criticism where you were wrong. Both must try to work on themselves in the future to make the relationship better. This is the hardest part! 5. If you succeed, then congratulations! This process can only be achieved if the love is true. If the same problems start allover again, then one or both did not make sufficient effort to improve the relationship. And most likely, you/they never will. So run as far away as you can, and don’t look back, because the devil will try to come and steal your heart again.

I guess the only way to escape such a relationship is to stay away from this torturous person. The best solution is to occupy yourself and meet with friends and family. What works well is to go out on dates and meet new people! This will give you a super confidence boost, and keep your mind off the devil. Believe me, as time goes by, the feeling and pain will start to fade away, and you wont be coming back to get hurt anymore. So love yourself, and be strong. My mom says, “It’s better to be single, than to be with the wrong person.”

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Finally I was able to do the “guy-walk” in this cowboy style that one always sees in wild-west movies. Legs spread apart, knees bent, shoulders wide, and ready to attack. I simply walked up to Ex Nr. 1, punched him as hard as I could, and got this sucker down on his knees. I assumed that his nose was broken because he was holding it with blood gushing out from all sides. The bastard had tears in his eyes. I had the appearance of a man, so he did not know who I am. He looked up at me, totally confused and bewildered. I looked pitifully at him and said, “No matter what you do, you will never escape. Karma will always find you, and bite you in the ass. This is for the women that you hurt in your past.” and I walked away. His few pathetic tears did not compare to the oceans that I cried for him.

Without hesitating, I did the same thing with Ex Nr. 2. Noses were punched, blood was lost, and karmas were set straight. After a hard day’s work of punching the Exes, it was time to eat an oversized burger, and try to attempt a loud male burp. That was quite enjoyable. As the sun was setting, I sat down to enjoy a large glass of beer outside. The women could not keep their eyes off of me! Could it possibly be this easy being a man?

As I was about to pay, a charming young woman sat down at the table beside me. She was in her beginning 30s, had shoulder-length blonde hair, striking turquoise eyes, and a characteristic bump on her nose. She smiled briefly at me and ordered a bloody mary. When her drink arrived, she lit up a slim cigarette, and smoked it slowly, looking dreamily onto the street. Her lips were full and sensual. I could smell her sweet perfume. It felt so thrilling being a man! I felt a tightening sensation in my pants. The penis really does have a mind of its own. When he wants to have fun, he is quite convincing – doing everything he can to get his target, slide under the sheets, get into the woman, release his juice, and fall asleep again. Yes, the glamorous life of the penis!

Suddenly I felt dizzy because it seemed as if all of the blood I had was rushing – rather quickly – into my new best friend, my spicy sausage. Her smell was filling up my lungs, and dominating my brain. I had to find out who she was. I turned to her and said, “Hello, how are you doing?” her face lit up with a smile, and she answered, “Carine”. We sat outside of the bar for two hours, talking about life and our funny adventures. She laughed at my joked and once in a while, innocently touched my arm. I wanted to get her into bed and rip the clothing off her body, but I didn’t know how to be a man! My penis was starting to swear at me. He was quite rude! But I managed to shut him up every time he forced himself to be noticed. This little/big guy is not always that easy to control. But being a woman in a man’s body, I blackmailed him telepathically, and he obeyed my commands. All of a sudden Carine got up, grabbed my hand and pulled me off my chair. She said that we were going to her flat. I did not argue, I just followed, curious as hell to see what it feels like to have sex as a man.

Her flat was beautiful, but somewhat strange. The curtains, furniture, decoration, carpet, wooden floor, pictures, books, candles, etc. were all white. I have never seen anything so minimalistic and mysterious before. It was like being in a dream. Was I dreaming? Was Carine real? Was I about to have sex with a woman? She went to slip into something more comfortable. I kept on adjusting my package. Damn those two round hanging penis extensions. They need to be adjusted quite often, and always get in the way. I was starting to miss the extra space and freedom between my legs!

Carine came back into the living room, half naked, hair messy and wild, with a huge smile of her face and two large glasses of wine. She put the glasses aside and sat on my lap, rubbing her behind on my crotch. She undressed me, and almost ripped my shirt off. She opened her eyes wide, telling me how big I was. She pushed her panties to the side and sat on me. She arched her back, pushed out her breasts towards me, squeezed her muscles in all the right places, and enjoyed the ride. I felt like I was shot out of this galaxy. Such an intense, yet foreign feeling. Every nerve in my body was awake. I forgot where I was, and what my name was. I was inside of a woman! That was just crazy! Carine was rotating her hips, throwing her hair all around, like a wild animal that broke out of the zoo. I grabbed her from behind and pulled her closer towards me. I had to feel the full length of my penis wrapped around in magic. We tried quite a few positions, tied our eyes, hands, untied everything again, and I felt the familiar shiver down my spine. I was so close. I felt the tingling hotness inside. The rocket-launch feeling again. 3..2..1. Lift off!! I was blown away! My entire body was shaking! The bed was wet all around her. The sex was phenomenal!

I woke up with the sun shining on my face. I was in my own bed. I looked under the blanket. Oh the joy! How I missed my lovely girl, and perky breasts! No more hairy feet. No more shifting of any balls. I felt so small and light. It was wonderful! Being a man is interesting, but nothing beats being a woman!

The next week, I met my girls at the Fressgassfest. One of them brought their friend along. It was Carine. We ordered a large bottle of cold prosecco, and she told us about a tall handsome asshole she met the week before. They had a special evening, but the bastard never called. I looked at her with an amused smile on my face, and said, “Carine, maybe this guy simply disappeared from the Earth?” She gave me an annoyed look and continued her story. I took a puff from my cigarette, looking dreamily away, and wondered, if I ever told my story, would they think I’ve gone insane? Yet after all, I knew where all of Carine’s hidden beauty marks were. Including her tattoo… in a very special place.

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