new love

Sex on the first date?
Sex on the first date? 640 250 Galia Brener

We live in an age where traditions have become weaker, rules are not important and anything goes. Sleeping around is not so drastic anymore. Or is it? I have asked many of my male friends what their opinion was on this matter. I was very surprised that 75% of them said that they would rather wait with a girl that they really like, rather than jumping into bed right away with her. Most of them answered: No sex on the first date!

Here are the reasons why the men said “No”:

1. If she sleeps with me on the first date, she probable does that same with all the other men as well. I don’t want to have a girlfriend like that.

2. If you get sex right away, there is nothing left to top it off on the next dates.

3. We are hunters and need a challenge! We want to work for the cookie, and not get it easily right away. There’s no fun or excitement in that.

4. If I really like the girl, then I prefer to get to know her first. This builds up the passion and feelings.

5. This shows she respects herself, and I respect her even more for that.

Wow ladies, now that’s what I call some honest answers. Hope is not completely lost – there are still men out there with a gentleman-like outlook on life that are looking for true love and not just fast sex. This is very encouraging for us!

This brings me to Ambrosia’s story. She met a guy at the gym. He is average height, has dark thick hair and ice-colored blue eyes. He’s been flirting with her for a while now, and two weeks ago he finally made his move and asked her out. She agreed and was quite excited because she was very attracted to him. He took her out for a very nice dinner and show. After they went for drinks and had a perfect evening. She called me from the bathroom and asked if she should take him home with her. My gut feeling told me – No! I advised her to let him walk her to the door, thank him for a wonderful evening, allow him to kiss her, give him a tight hug, smile warmly and go upstairs – alone. She didn’t listen to me and took him home. They drank more upstairs, got drunk and had wild sex. Starting upstairs, the date lost its perfect magical feeling, and was more about the sex. They both enjoyed it very much, but surprise surprise; he didn’t call for days after. He sent her an sms 5 days later, saying he was busy. She summoned up the courage to ask why he was behaving so coldly all of a sudden. No joke, this is what he replied, “Ambrosia, you’re a fun girl, and we had a wild night. But I’m looking for something more serious.” She was shocked. She told him that she also wants something serious, and he said, “Do you do the same thing with every man you go out with on the first night – calling this your serious intention?” Ok I have to admit, the guy seems like a jerk, and used the situation, however it does show that she left a wrong impression on him.

Most men will jump at a chance to sleep with you on the first date, but are willing to wait if they really like you. Sure there are some couples that get together after sex on the first date, and even end up getting married – but the percent is much lower to those that actually take the time to get to know each other first.

Another thing the guys told me was that if he disappears after the first dates without sex and doesn’t stay around to get to know you better, than he was only after the sex. You don’t need such a man always. Ciao and next! Waiting to have sex is a wonderful and natural way of selection to see who is really into you, and who only wants your body for a few nights. Waiting with sex also allows you to build up feelings for the person, which will intensify the first sexual encounter and make it even more phenomenal. Sex with feeling is the best, even on the first time!

I agree with the guys that I interviewed, because in my opinion, I always like to get to know the man before. We live in a world where everything is rushed – and patience is almost nonexistent – so why not work against this system and take the time to get to know this new person in our life? What’s with this insane haste to have sex? Maybe this seems like old-fashioned to you, but why not go back to the courting era where dating actually meant something special, and not just getting into her panties? I see nothing wrong with letting the man romance us first. Going out for dinners and talking into the late night hours – learning to feel for this person, before jumping into bed – is such a nice luxury these days, so why not allow ourselves the time to enjoy this luxury? Most of the men told me that at the beginning, mental stimulation separates the woman who will simply become a sex affair or their next girlfriend. If you’re interested in the man for just a sex fling then go ahead, jump his bones. But for something serious, please take your time. It’s worth the wait and he will respect you even more for it.

Galia Brener on RTL Explosiv – 08.09.2014
Galia Brener on RTL Explosiv – 08.09.2014 1354 437 Galia Brener

Here is my honest opinion regarding the Bachelorette’s love. I wish them all the best and lots of luck for their new love! :-) Interview at the Night of the Stars 2014.

Run away from the Narcissist!
Run away from the Narcissist! 1354 437 Galia Brener

Ladies and gentlemen, there is a certain predator among us. He’s the charming, funny one trying to win over your friends with his false charm, making them think he’s the best guy in the world! Or she’s that seemingly sweet girl that smiles like a sunshine and later sucks your energy and money faster than you can say, “What the fu…?” Beware of this deceiving type of person, because they are good at hiding their true face! By the time you find out who they really are, it’s too late because their tentacles are deep in your heart, and the damage is done.

My close friend Jilli was dating such a narcissist for almost two years. At the beginning it was really like Heaven on Earth. They were inseparable, and spent every minute they had together. She was madly in love with him, and convinced that Leo was her best friend and soulmate. However, he painfully betrayed her the first time by leaving her in her weakest moment, when she needed her best friend the most. But he crawled back, and she forgave him. Then he “seemed” caring and loving again, but things started changing. Jilli took off her rose-tinted glasses and realized that Leo was not the man who he initially presented himself to be. He started showing his true colors, which included being extremely selfish and egoistic. He was verbally, emotionally and physically abusive, as well as very moody and unbalanced. He was short-tempered, and unloaded his daily frustrations on her. The meaner he was to her, the more Jilli gave love and attention to him, trying to make him happy and kind again. But the more she gave, the worse he became towards her. She realized that the sweet and caring Leo was only a figment of her imagination, and did not exist! One day after sending her out of bed, and letting his dog takeover her spot in bed, Jilli decided that Leo will not hurt her anymore! She left him, and he quickly moved onto the next victim. Narcissists will even take second-best leftovers to date after a breakup, because they are weak and can never be alone.

There is a mental disorder called “Narcissistic Personality Disorder” or NPD, and it’s a very serious problem. Please stay away from these people at all costs, because they will end up damaging you! Here are the main points to see if you’re dating a narcissist:

1. They need admiration and attention all the time! This person is usually quite insecure and fishes for compliments a lot. They are also suckers for flattery.

2. Arrogant and haughty. S/he can be very mean and rude without any reason.

3. They believe that they are special, privileged and simply better than the rest of the world, giving them a grandiose feeling of superiority and self-importance.

4. They lack empathy, and are unable to identify with the needs and feelings of others. They need your emotions to feed their inflated ego!

5. Envious of others, and have the intense feeling that others are envious of them.

6. Have the constant sick desire for unlimited power and success.

7. Always look what their advantage in any relationship/friendship is.

8. They have a need to always be in control of themselves and others.

9. They think that they are always right, and know everything. While the others have no clue and are not intelligent as they are, making them intolerant to the views of others.

10. They laugh and make jokes about others so that they feel better about themselves.

11. When it gets tough, they leave. They won’t stay with you during a tough phase when you need their help. This also includes when you are sick. If you need help, the attention is taken away from them and given to you. This makes them not in the center of attention anymore, so they leave.

12. Excessively charming. Too much and too soon. They desperately try to impress you and your friends so much that it seems too good to be true – and it is. It’s not genuine. They project their “False-Self”, which is everything they are not!

Narcissists do not seek therapy because they don’t believe that they have a problem. Since they think they are the best, why would they need therapy? Of course most of them do not realize how much damage they are causing themselves and others. The biggest problem is that they are not good at producing their own emotions, so they need yours to live on! What’s even worse is that they feed on both positive and negative emotions, which is their ego food, or known as their “Narcissistic Supply” – much like the supply or fix a junkie needs to stay high. Their feeding on negative emotions will drain you of your energy, positivity, happiness and hope! They are insatiable, and always need more of your emotions to live on. In my opinion, they are disgusting parasites that feed on good people. Just a friendly warning from my personal experience, if you ever meet a narcissist, run very far away from them – it will save your life!

Do you miss your “ex” or the “feeling of love”?
Do you miss your “ex” or the “feeling of love”? 1354 437 Galia Brener

Do you ever think about your ex and really miss him/her? Do you think back about the good times you had, the kissing, cuddling, laughing, hanging out, cooking, traveling, talking, sharing, partying, falling asleep together, and and and? Well my dears, perhaps I can make your heart a bit lighter after reading this article. Most likely, you don’t miss your ex, but rather the feeling of love, and being loved!

A few Saturdays ago, I had dinner at VaiVai with my two friends Marianne and Heather. We were a table full of carnivores, and all ordered the same dry-aged steak, and the famous VaiVai rosemary and garlic homemade french fries. Of course this was topped off with a nice bottle of Barolo. Little did we know that this would be one of the most important evenings for heather in a long time! On our second glass, reminiscing about all of our past loves, Heather looked at us with sudden tears in her eyes and said, “I think of him so often. I’m stuck, and I can’t move on. It still hurts so much! I used to be so free, positive and happy before I met him. I want to be that woman again.” Wow, big statement! Marianne is a well-known Frankfurt psychologist, and she decided that tonight she would heal Heather. Tonight was the first time in a while that Heather was open for help, and she was about to beat her demon.

Marianne asked Heather a simple question: “Tell me 5 things that you miss about your ex.” She answered: cooking together, traveling, cuddling…. “STOP!” said Marianne. “I said the 5 things that you miss about “him”! Not 5 things that you could have with another man as well.” Marianne looked at us like we were Martians talking to her in an alien language. She became extremely quiet, and it took her a while to think. We finished the first bottle of red. Still no answer. After a while she said she missed his smell, voice, sense of humor, physical contact and helpful advice. Well, sorry to break it to you Heather, but these things you can have with another man as well. Voices and smells are unique, but many other people have nice scents and tones as well! She opened her eyes, as if for the very first time in months, and realized that it is not specifically “him” that she missed, but rather the feeling of love and a companion by her side! She also admitted that most of the cute sweet things in the relationship came from her. If she created this with her ex, then she can implement these things in the next relationship as well! And just like that, Heather’s brain clicked with this new awareness, and sent a message to her heart, “You can let go now.” This realization was worth gold! Ever since then, Heather is smiling, happy, positive and herself again!

Ladies and gentlemen if you are hanging onto your ex and can’t let go, then ask yourself one simple question: “What exactly do I miss about him/her?” You have to differentiate whether the things you miss, you can have with another partner as well – such as – cuddling, traveling, having someone who cares about you, affection, love, sex, having someone to talk to when bad or good things happen, going to dinners and partying, sweet text messages, falling asleep together, kissing, etc. All of these things the next love will give you too! It’s not specific of your ex only! However, if you really miss such things like his smell, jokes, laughter, body gesture, habits, etc. then it is him/her you’re still longing after. But also here I can help you by pointing out that the next guy might make even funnier jokes, understand you better, care more, or the next girl might smell even better for you, be more empathetic, etc. In my opinion, 80% of the time we miss the feeling of love, being loved, companionship, activities and spending time with a partner – rather than that “specific” person! Crazy realization, right?

If you open up your mind to this fact, and make a list, then you will see that most likely you are part of that 80%. This realization will help you to let go and move on very quickly! The hold and obsession will be released, and you will open up to new love again. Plus don’t forget that it is quite normal to still hang onto the last person that you were dating. Most likely as soon as the next love will knock on your door, you will forget your ex – because you will have the companionship and feeling of love again, which was missing after the breakup. Believe me, when that handsome new man or beautiful woman is staring into your eyes with a big smile, the last thing you will think about is your ex! That’s when you will see again – it’s not them you really missed!

Damaged from past relationships?
Damaged from past relationships? 1354 437 Galia Brener

It seems to me lately that more and more people are very careful about opening their hearts to new love. I have been speaking to many who have had painful experiences in the past, which have completely destroyed their ability to believe in love again, and take the chance to start a new happy and healthy relationship. So as I sit here on the river main, gazing onto the crystal water, I ask myself, if everyone is protecting themselves like a snowman from the sun, and sheltering their hearts from love bombs, then how the hell can we ever experience true love again?

I have been continuing my research on Tinder for the past month, and what can I tell you ladies, if you think that we are the only ones that have been damaged from past love, then you are incredibly wrong! It is unbelievable how many men I have come across on Tinder that have been slaughtered due to bad relationships. Me being the spy that I am – although with this article my cover is blown – I engaged in conversations with different men about love and relationships. What I learned is that the single ones that want a fling or just fast sex, are the ones that got brutally hurt in the past and don’t have the courage to stand up to love again. The ones that are looking for a relationship may have been hurt in the past as well, but nevertheless possess the strength to try the “big love” again!

I always say, “Love is only for the very strong and brave”. Why? Quite simple, because many people cannot open up their hearts again after being burned by love. They shut down, or otherwise known as “get bitter” and protect themselves like a bulletproof car in a mafia movie. No love bullets can enter their hearts. Sealed, protected and unreachable. In my opinion, this is a great weakness. How could someone shut themself off from a possibility at finding love again? I think that love is the main reason for life. Not success, money, or collecting possessions – nothing is as pure and wonderful as having a true love in your life, so why deprive yourself of the chances to find this?

You must be thinking, “Oh yes Gali, but you don’t know what I have been through, and how painful it was.” But dear readers I do. I have also loved, truly loved, more than the air I breathed. My boyfriend at that time was my best friend, partner in crime, lover and the closest person to my heart and soul. I have never loved anyone as much as him before. We were intoxicated by each other, and his closeness brought me happiness. We spent almost every second we had together, like Bonnie and Clyde. We had so many adventures, where I can write an entire book about it. But one day we broke up. I thought that the Earth would swallow me whole. I was numb, and couldn’t feel anything for months. I locked myself at home, didn’t go anywhere, and lost lots of weight. My world crashed, and I didn’t know how to go on. It was torture.

One day I simply got physically tired of crying over and over again. I was scared that the emotional pain in my heart would turn to a physical one, so I decided to drop the victim role. I had a desire to live, to feel and to truly love again. I wanted to wake up from this horror and join the living again, and so my sense of survival kicked in. I realized that I loved him, but I love myself more. I didn’t want to deprive myself of new love. What for? For a man that didn’t deserve me and made my life miserable at the end? Why cry, and who will appreciate my tears? He definitely wouldn’t. So it was obviously time to move on.

Take the proper time to lick your wounds after a love war, but then move on! I know people that get stuck in love pain for years. These poor souls are torturing themselves for nothing, when they can have love and enjoy life again! Don’t punish yourself, because time runs faster than you think. I realize now how silly I was to cry for so long about a person that didn’t even appreciate me. Please learn from my mistakes and wake up from your bad dream. There is so much beauty, love and joy out there for you to have! There is someone special for everyone, so at least make the effort to open up your heart again in order to meet this person. Love is the most amazing and precious thing in this world, and after going through this horror, I can say that for me it’s worth taking that risk again. The next time you might get lucky and meet the right one, so why miss out on that special chance? Love is only for the very strong and brave – because only the tough ones can get back up and love again!

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