Hello, my name is Ego, and I am here to destroy your relationships. I am your best friend, and in fact, I am you! Let me teach you our rules: you better damn know that we are always right! They hurt us, so we must punish them by becoming distant, cold, and letting them suffer. Let’s stay mad, and not talk to them for a few days, see how they feel about that! That will teach them a big lesson, and make them crawl back to us, begging for forgiveness. I am the best, smartest, most intelligent, fantastic thing that exists. I am the EGO after all! My way of doing things is always the best. Everyone must do things my way, because I am a control freak! I must warn you about our enemy “Love”. Being your ego, I want what’s best for you. I take care of you, and make sure you are always protected against the enemy. Love is very tricky. Love always wants me to listen to the other side of the story, and also admit when I am wrong! Can you believe it?! Love requires a strange thing called “compromising”. It’s totally beneath me. I do not do compromising since my opinion is the right one, why should I agree with anyone else? They must only agree with me! If Love doesn’t understand that, then she can drown herself in the toilet. I will be happy to push the handle and watch her flush down, where she belongs. My name is EGO, and I am the only one who truly cares about you. I want the best for you! I adore always saying “I”, since “I” am the center of the Universe!
Sounds funny right? Unfortunately, that’s what happens in the minds of most people, including yours. Maybe not to such a drastic extent, but everyone’s Ego has gotten in the way of their happiness, at least once in their lives.
My friend Cindy told me a story about her boyfriend. They loved each other very much. Unfortunately after a few months, both started having problems with their jobs. This stressed them out, and made them fight. They had long talks, and Cindy realized what her mistakes were. She wanted to compromise and make the necessary steps to heal the relationship. She loved him more than the air she breathed. He continued to be cold and distant, even though she made such a huge effort to come towards him, and understand him. She opened her heart to him, and explained why these problems occurred, because she waned them to find a path together for the future. Cindy managed to step over her ego, and did all she could to save the relationship. His mistakes also created problems and fights, but he wouldn’t admit it. With horror, she realized, “How can a man suddenly turn off his love and emotions towards her, when he supposedly loved her so much?” And then the bitter truth struck her. He never did truly love her. A man that genuinely loves his woman is happy when she wants to make compromises, and save the relationship. Everyone is different when entering a relationship, and only compromises can save true love. Throwing something away is quite easy. His ego and pride were standing in his way. He couldn’t see beyond, and it made him weak. Due to this, he lost the person that loved him more than anyone ever did or will. He will realize this as time goes by, when sadness and regret settle deep in his broken heart. By then, it will be too late.
To be able to “truly” love, you must drop the ego. The Ego knows no difference between male or female. We all have this evil inside of us. The Ego sticks its wicked claws into the person, controls them, and usually ruins their loves and lives. It must be controlled and not given any power! For example feeling jealousy, or feeling the need to argue with your partner until s/he admits that you are right. These fights usually occur about minor issues, and during times of stress. You might think that the other is taking advantage of you, and your point of view is less important then theirs. My advice to you is, don’t sweat the small stuff, simply let it go! You cannot always be right. What helps is resisting the temptation to always feel the need to defend yourself. This is actually the Ego defending itself. The Ego will win the argument, but you can lose your partner. Think about it, is this situation worth losing your loved one?
After this initial reaction to a fight, there is sometimes a need to continue punishing the partner. He hurt you, and therefore must pay the price for this. You give him/her the silent treatment, creating mountains of distance between you two. Who will write or call first? How long will you continue to treat your partner this way after the argument? Until the love completely dies? Actually, you are also hurting yourself in the process of this unnecessary harsh treatment.
You must learn to agree to disagree! Learn to compromise! After arguments, the Ego will always try to trick you with doubts, fear, self-defense, re-thinking/evaluating the relationship, thinking “This doesn’t make me happy anymore, I need to protect myself and get out now!” The cold brutal rationality kills any feeling of love that you both established before. There will be fights once in a while, but you must be ready to let the issue go, or not only give blame, but also take blame upon yourself. Even Soul Mates are challenged with fights, in order to determine if their love for each other is real and strong. Be brave and tame your Ego. Build your own inner strength! This will not humiliate you, quite the opposite actually, this will make you strong and brave! How much longer do you want to be a slave to your Ego? If you are not willing to adjust to each other and work together on your relationship, then do yourself and your heart a favor, do not fall in love at all.