Unbelievable! Wild TRUE LOVE? Does Jean Paul Gaultier believe in it? Here is his funny answer to Galia’s love question.
We live in a time surrounded by high-tech gadgets and artificial intelligence, yet the one thing that still confuses mankind is the concept of “true love”. The big problem is that people tend to blame each other, but do they look within themselves to figure out what their own flaws are? No wonder the aliens haven’t arrived yet. The silly humans can’t deal with their own crap, let alone ET.
So now is the moment of truth…
Do you have the guts to admit to any of the questions below?
Do you always like to be right and win an argument? Do you always want to be in control? Is your opinion always the right one, because you think you know better? Do you let your emotions control you and create dramas? Do you make a big deal out of small things? Do you like to argue? Is it hard for you to compromise? Do you feel that people don’t understand you? Are you holding onto disappointment, pain or an ex from the past? Do you have fear of rejection? Do you lose your temper often? Do you get angry fast? Are you hard to get along with? Do you take people for granted? Do you get offended or hurt easily by what people say? Are you too sensitive or not sensitive enough? Are you greedy? Are you selfish and egoistic? Do you use people? Are you a cheater? Do you lie to get your way? Do you play with people’s feelings? Do you speak bad about and hurt others? Do you only take and not give back? Do you overanalyze? Are you a pessimist? Are you jealous? The list goes on and on.
At least 4 of the above questions used to affect me, until one day I decided to be brutally honest with myself and stop this torture. My own foolish behavior was hurting me. I decided to work on myself to become a better person, and give true love a chance to find me and enrich my life.
No one is born perfect, but we must work on ourselves in order to deserve true love.
Life is about learning and growing. I call it self-evolution.
1. Learn from your mistakes: Look back at all your relationships and figure out the pattern. Where have you been wrong? What could you have done better? Perhaps you have chosen the wrong partners? Don’t always date the same “types” – try meeting different kind of people. Be honest with yourself and see what you did wrong in the past. Work on yourself and evolve. Do not repeat your mistakes. If you were or still are an asshole, work on yourself to change and become a better person. It’s never ever too late to become a good human being!
2. Open up your heart to love again: I know this is one of the hardest things to do, especially if you have been hurt in the past! This takes a lot of strength and courage. Many people tend to become cynical and bitter after they have been hurt. However, only the strong can get up, dust themselves off and have the courage to open up to love again. Fact is: if you wont open up anymore, you will never have a chance to meet your true love. We have all been hurt, but would you rather be safe and stay alone, or take a leap of faith and meet someone wonderful?
3. Surround yourself with positive people that are seeking out the good in life: We all have those friends that love to complain about how bad their life is, or how awful men are. Please stay away from such negative people and their dramas! These “friends” influence a negative thinking pattern that you are a victim to bad men/women that will only want to hurt you. Instead, surround yourself with happy, strong, positive and life-loving people. They might even have a good friend to set you up with. Implant your mind with positive thinking patterns!
4. No desperation: Being desperate is the key to failure, hurt and pain. Even if you have been single for years, do not date someone that is bad to you, just for the sake of being in a relationship! Be honest with yourself – is s/he good for you? I always say, better single and happy, than with a partner that makes you feel miserable!
Communicate your needs, thoughts and feelings. S/he is not a psychic. If something is bothering you, say it. Even if you think it’s embarrassing, say it. Do not be afraid to loose him/her. If it’s true love, you will not lose them. You will only gain their respect by being able to talk about and sharing your thoughts, opinions and problems.
The trick to finding true love is by first working on yourself and making sure that you truly deserve it. It’s always easy to point fingers at others, but look at yourself first! Believe me, I have gone through this self-evolution process as well. Once you have the guts to face the truth and work on your flaws to become a better person, true love will find you! Good luck.
I had a long conversation with my friend Heather last week. She had a stupid fight with her man because of a small thing. The problem is that when she is in the heat of the moment, she only sees red. Reason and sensibility are thrown out of the window. At the end of the argument, he told her that he is usually the one who restores the harmony after a fight. This time, he did not want to be the first one to apologize again! He felt like an idiot that was always running to her, so he decided to leave their flat to clear his mind.
After he left, Heather did not know what to do. She felt sick to her stomach. She hated when they parted in anger and sadness. This left her with a feeling of helplessness and pain. She stayed in bed all Saturday morning, crying and sleeping in between. If was afternoon and he hasn’t called her yet. Usually he would have tried to call her at least 3 times, trying to make amends. But this time was different. Nothing came from him and this scared her. She did not want to lose him, because she loved him more than anyone else in the world. Heather called me in the evening, and I could hear the pain and panic in her voice. I quickly came over, equipped with wine and snacks, and we sat down to make a plan.
The plan was quite simple. It was up to her to apologize first this time. I asked her, “Heather, would you rather be right, or be happy?” She had to let go of always wanting to be “right”. Why is there always a need to win every argument? This only makes the fight last longer. The good thing is that they did not continue their argument after he left via digital communication. No bad words on WhatsApp, and no hurtful emails. This saved many sentences that both could have regret later. Is it worth to damage your love because of a meaningless argument and an ego that is too proud to compromise? No! Have we become such an ego-dominated society, that we are willing to lose our partner instead of being the first to apologize or make peace?
I advised Heather to send him a photo of her, with a sweet kiss and heart to break the initial ice. It worked like a charm. He called her back within a few minutes. He was colder than usual at first, but she went in with a mission to melt his heart. She told him that no matter what happens, she loves him very much, and he is the only one for her. She was sweet and loving on the phone. He became much warmer towards the end of the phone call. They hung up and I finally saw the beautiful smile on her face again. It worked!
When he came home, she was waiting for him with open arms. She jumped on him and kissed him all over. This made him very happy. That same night they had some drinks and an open talk. She said that he is very important to her, and she does not want to lose him and their special love. She promised to let go of small things, not hang onto words, to listen and communicate better. He promised to be more patient to her, and work on his communication skills as well. He said that her sudden reconciliatory behavior surprised him, because he was always the one to apologize first. She made the right choice, and her actions showed him that she is willing to work on herself, and their relationship.
If we truly love our partner, why is it so hard to apologize or make peace first? There are a few different reasons that stop us: The Ego. Our evil “best-friend”. It will always try to convince you that you are right. The Ego will try to tell you that making the first move after a fight shows dependency and weakness. The Ego also thinks that apologizing first will make you lose the upper hand and also the control in the relationship. The most ridiculous thing that the small pathetic Ego thinks: apologizing to your partner first is like being the “loser” and the person receiving the apology is the “winner.” How crazy is that? Do we want this small invisible creature to control us and destroy our relationships?
Some people stay completely in denial. They think if they do not “admit” that they are wrong, then in reality they are not actually wrong! They completely ignore and drown their problems. Worse of all, are the people who do not have empathy. These are the careless, cold, heartless people who do not care about others. These are the players, the bad boys/girls, the ones who only do things for their own satisfaction and benefit. If this is the case, then run as fast and far away as possible from them. They will never take responsibility for their actions, and continue hurting you over and over again. These are the dark lost souls that will never know what love really is.
If you truly love and care about your partner, then go to them and make peace. Life is short, and every second wasted being angry can be spent enjoying each other and making love. Even if you were not wrong, you can still sometimes be the first one to make peace. If they love you, they will appreciate this gesture and learn from it. If you see that your partner takes your apologies for granted, then they are not the right one for you. If this is real love, then you will both benefit from the apology and peace. The best way to do that is to ask yourself if being right is more important than having a strong connection with your partner? It’s important to stand up for yourself when being “truly” attacked. But it is more important to be able to let the small things go! Be smart, kill the ego and save the love.
Have you ever wondered why some girls meet a new guy and everything works out very quickly? In a matter of months they get engaged and start a wonderful life together. Well, it’s not just about getting lucky – it’s about meeting a man in his right time. I call it the “window” because every man has his window, or time frame, when he is willing to get married and start a family.
This reminds me of a situation with a friend’s cousin. He was dating a great girl for over 6 years. She was waiting for the moment when he asks her to marry him, but unfortunately it did not come. He was even mean enough to ask her to loose weight. She complied with his request but still no proposal came from him. One summer day he went out with his buddies and met a new woman. He was very fascinated by her, and couldn’t stay away from this woman for more than a day! He was mesmerized by her character and values. He broke up with his girlfriend and moved in with this new woman within a month. A year later he asked her to marry him. Now they live in a nice house and are happier than ever. Unfortunately his ex is still devastatingly heartbroken! I asked him why he didn’t marry his ex? He said that he was not ready back then. Granted, the new girl was different. She was independent and very unique, and she met him at the right time. She caught him when his window was open!
So where is the fairness in this? One woman wastes years and years on a man, and the other meets him and gets married within months! I realized that it’s not about the luck, but rather about the timing! I for example, would not date a man for 5 years without knowing that it would lead to marriage. This is a waste of time, and girls we know that we are not getting younger. So why spend your time with a man that doesn’t plan a future with you? Sure, there are rare cases when you date a man forever and suddenly he decides to make a true commitment and get married. But unfortunately I hear more stories where nothing happens after years, and eventually the couples break up, like the story of my friend’s cousin.
My advice would be to talk about this earlier on in the relationship. Open communication is extremely important. It’s crucial to say what you want, without being scared to lose your partner. After one year, you should be able to tell your man where you see this relationship going. A friend of mine told her boyfriend of a year that she is not the kind of girl that can be in a relationship for many years without a marriage commitment. She let him know earlier on what she expects from their partnership. Half a year after that conversation he asked her to marry him. He wanted her in his life and knew that she would not wait forever. However, he didn’t feel pressured by this talk. He was simply ready for this next step, so he did it!
Ladies, please do not fear to lose your man. Be brave enough to tell him what you want! If he truly loves you, then he will want to spend the rest of his life with you anyways! If he respects you, then he will not make you wait for 5 or more years before giving you a ring. Sometimes men also need a little push. Not an aggressive demand, but a hint that you can imagine more with him. This also shows him that you are a serious woman. Of course not everyone wants to get married, but if you do, then why restrict yourself? Why get stuck at 45 years of age with a man whom you’ve dated for 7 years who doesn’t want to get married? Your life is in your hands, so make the best out of it. What you decide for yourself is how you will live your life, so please choose well!
I can only suggest that we must speak up! We have a brain and mouth to use. We have the ability to say what we want and when we want it. The biggest mistake to make is not to communicate to your partner what you want. To sit and wait for years until he “magically” decides to marry you is not a solution! Unfortunately not everyone has the power to speak up. Many are scared if they say they want marriage, the man will feel pressured and back out of the relationship. This is also a good test to see how much your man truly loves you. If a man has a strong love for his woman, then he will definitely want to make her the mother of his children. If not, then it will take him ages to marry her, and there is actually no guarantee that he will marry her at all. It’s like playing Russian roulette, so why take the risk? Talk to him and see where it’s going. Don’t be afraid, if he truly loves you, then he will understand. If not, then be happy to get rid if him! Why give yourself to a man who doesn’t appreciate it?
If you’re single and have the wish to get married, then be very observant of the men you date. Check out if he mentions children and parenthood. Does he speak of marriage positively, or about his married friends? Does he hint that he would also like to be a husband and father someday or even soon? Does he plan long-term with you? Does he integrate you into his serious life plans? After so many years of dating, I can tell quickly when a man is ready or not. You have to pay close attention to his deeds! Does he show you that he is serious about you? Men really do have an open window of opportunity when they want to get married. When their career is established, when they have achieved what they want and are ready to settle down roots. It’s all about the right timing. You don’t have to give up your dream of marriage and family. You have to choose well and “feel” if your guy is ready and is marriage material or not! Have faith that you deserve the best, and it will come to you. Never sell yourself for less than you deserve!
There is a rumor going around about a mysterious lady called “Destiny”. Apparently they say that when she decides the time is right, she sends you love. Sometimes you must go through hell and suffering, while gaining life lessons to be prepared for true love. Other times you have a mission to accomplish before the right one comes. Either way, Madame Destiny calls the shots and therefore this tough bitch is not to be outsmarted. However, there is a way to make the waiting process easier. As hard as it is, it helps to stay busy and with a positive frame of mind. Regardless of what you went through in the past, and we have all gone through some evil crap, you cannot let that get you down. No matter what love tragedy happened to you before, never ever take it with you into the present and future. You must let the past go, or else it can destroy you, and leave you stuck in the bitter darkness. Bitterness and anger repels new good people away.
This reminds me of Natalia’s story. She had been single for years after her boyfriend left her. She thought that he was the love of her life, and they will get married and have a family. Unfortunately the fairytale died. Carrying a broken heart shattered in a million tiny pieces, she tried to find a new love for some years after, but without much luck. What I admire about Nat is that no matter how difficult her dating life was, she never gave up! She always said, “Gali, my time will come and I will also have true love.” Unbelievable to see how convinced she was, especially after such a devastating breakup. Her 40th birthday arrived, and at 12am, she raised her champagne glass and drank, “To love.” Natalia’s married friends felt sad for her. They couldn’t understand why and how such a wonderful woman was still single.
The next morning, hung over and depressed like hell from all the marriage talk, Natalia went to buy some food. She felt like what the cat dragged home last night, with messy hair and puffy eyes, wearing leggings and sneakers. She walked out of the dessert isle with a jar of strawberry jam in her hand, and all of a sudden, BAMM! Some guy bumped into her. She dropped the jar, and the jam splashed all over her shoes, her bag, and the floor looked like thick red blood was splattered all over it. “Jesus! Can’t you watch where the hell you’re………Oh…” She looked up and saw the guy smiling mischievously at her, with a cute guilty look on his face. Half of his jeans were covered in jam as well. They laughed, he apologized and invited her for dinner to make up for the sweet mess. One thing led to another, they got married, and Nat had her first child at 42. Amazing right? How did this happen you ask? Well, Natalia believed in love – against all odds!
What works is to be 100% assured that you deserve to be happily in love. You must be completely convinced that true love is out there and will soon be yours. Why the hell should these grey mice you see walking with amazing men, holding hands, have love and not you? If they find a partner, then so can you! Head up and stand tall, knowing that yours is coming too. You must have complete and unconditional faith. Not thinking, “Oh it’s been so long, I give up. I will never find love.” WRONG! Such thoughts will never ever attract love in your direction. Lady Destiny doesn’t like when people feel negative like this. If you don’t feel that you deserve love, then why should it come to you? Change your thoughts immediately, and things around you will change as well. Make a little experiment, and try it out.
Meanwhile, keep yourself busy. Go out with your friends and dance without looking around for someone to meet, enjoy your hobbies, spend time with your family, discover new food and restaurants, read more, go to galleries, travel, work, get a pet, spend money on yourself, and simply enjoy living – being grateful that you are healthy and alive. And above all, please stay positive and keep the faith, no matter how hard it is! Love will come when you least expect it… I promise you this. It always does.
My friend Sandy had to learn this the hard way. Half a year ago she met a guy at a bar, and they hit it off quite well. They talked for a while, and ended the evening by kissing, but Sandy went home alone. She didn’t want to rush things and jump into bed with him because she liked him, and didn’t want it to be just about sex. He wasn’t happy that she didn’t want to sleep with him, but she didn’t notice that in her tipsy state. This was on a Wednesday evening, and she was sure that he would call or write on the weekend, but he didn’t. The next week on Tuesday he wrote her, asking to meet on Wednesday. I said that he’s not serious about her, otherwise he would have at least written a short message on the weekend asking how she’s doing. Sandy tried to brush it off by saying he’s probably busy.
They met on Wednesday and had dinner, went for drinks and then she took him home. She told him that she doesn’t want a fling but rather a relationship, and he said, “Sure, that’s what I want to.” They finally had sex, and it was “ok”, but nothing earth-shattering or mind blowing. Still, Sandy was lusting for him, and his smell played havoc with her brain. He was smart enough, but not the most intelligent man for deep conversations, so the dates were not the best ones she had. However, he “teased” her of a future together, also mentioning holidays and places he wanted to visit with her. His extremely attractive “outer shell” hooked her as well. The next morning he left, and this time she didn’t hear from him for almost an entire week. This was horrible for her because they had sex for the first time together. She wrote him a sweet sms, and it took him days to answer! I told her that this is just sex for him, and he’s not serious about her. She refused to listen to me. This fling lasted for 3 months of them seeing each other once a week, never on the weekends, and not getting closer emotionally at all. Sandy became sad and tired of his ways, and told him that this was not going anywhere. And guess what? He didn’t even try to keep her. He just let her go and she never heard from him again. She later found out that he had many other girls, with whom he was doing the same thing at the same time.
Here are two lists to show you the difference of what he really wants from you:
If he wants you only for sex or a fling:
1. He will text you only when he needs to fill his time once or twice a week, or is feeling hot and horny and needs a release. He keeps the communication to a minimum, only enough to keep you hooked and get sex from you.
2. When you meet him, you feel that your time together is very limited.
3. After a date you never know if that’s the last time you see him. He doesn’t make short-term or long-term plans with you.
4. Even if you say no, he still pushes too much to have sex with you when you’re making out.
5. He doesn’t take you along to places and evenings with his friends and family. You don’t get integrated into his life.
6. If you have problems, he doesn’t offer to help, and doesn’t really seem interested in your issues. He might even change the topic of conversation, or react inadequately to something that bothers you. If you’re sick, he tells you to get better and meet after you’re healthy again.
7. He does everything only for his convenience, and goes only where he wants. If he doesn’t like a place or event you mention, he won’t go there, even if he knows that it would make you happy.
8. He speaks mostly about himself, his life, his hobbies and his passions. He doesn’t ask you much about you and your life. He doesn’t care to ask about your friends and family.
9. When going out together, his eyes will be darting all over the place, looking at other women.
If he wants you to be his girlfriend:
1. He will write and call to see how you are doing – usually everyday, or every second day – because he cares and wants to stay in contact with you. He writes longer sentences, because he wants to keep a strong and constant communication with you.
2. He makes enough time to see you and be with you, because he wants to have you by his side.
3. Even during the date, he’s already mentioning the next time you meet, what you could do together, what you can see or experience together. He’s thinking long-term with you.
4. When you’re making out and you say no to sex, he’s a gentleman and doesn’t push you for more. He respects your wishes because he wants to keep you by his side.
5. He takes you to meet his friends, and also to meet his family. He’s proud to have you with him.
6. He listens carefully if you tell him about a problem you’re having, and offers his help right away. If you’re sick, he will bring you chicken soup. He’s there for you and cares about you.
7. Even if he hates the opera, street fests, or a certain party, restaurant or bar, he will go there with you because he knows that you like it, and it will make you happy.
8. He’s interested in your life, and asks many questions about you, your passions and goals in life. He’s interested about your family and friends, and wants to integrate himself into your life.
9. He will have eyes only for you, and you wont see him constantly looking at other women.
Ladies, I know how hard it is to admit to ourselves that the guy we like is not serious about us, but if you’re not honest with yourself, you will get hurt like my friend Sandy did. Open your eyes and hearts, and see what he really wants from. The best is to ask him what his intentions are for you. Straightforward communication is always important. If he’s lying, like in Sandy’s case, then you have to figure it out for yourself. We are women, and have a strong intuition. Let’s be honest, we feel and know right away what the man truly wants from us. But we lie to ourselves thinking that we can make him see our inner beauty and fall in love with us, and this is how we get hurt. So next time please keep your antennae up to see what he really wants from you. If you’re looking for a boyfriend, then make sure to follow my second list, and see if he behaves accordingly! Don’t allow yourself to be used sexually and emotionally, because you deserve better than that. You deserve real love.