relationship

Ladies, it’s time to start dating like men do!
Ladies, it’s time to start dating like men do! 1200 400 Galia Brener
Dear ladies, we live in a time when you can and should date like a man. You hear so many stories about men dating different girls in one week, and taking their time being single. Well, you know what? You can do the same thing without worrying about being called a slut. If the guys are considered “James Bond” because they date many women, well now consider yourself as the sexy “Catwoman” by having a few parallel handsome options as well!

Sorry gentlemen, but you pushed us into it. If you can date around, so can we. No, this doesn’t make us cheap. No, we don’t sleep with every man we go on a date with. Just like you, we would like to keep our options open in finding the very best for ourselves. Guys, why should you be the only ones who can enjoy a nice wine tasting without ruining your reputation? Well ladies, it’s time to go on a Champagne tasting adventure… if you know what I mean!

Jilli and Heather were enjoying their usual girl’s night out in the city. The sun was setting, and the weather was warm enough to walk around naked. The girls were sipping a gin tonic on the rooftop of a trendy lounge. It was filled with beautiful men and women, prancing around in their best outfits, waiting to get noticed. Of course many had their “Serious-Cool-Frankfurt-Faces” on, but deep inside they wanted to meet someone special – even though some would never admit this. Jilli was telling Heather a story of another new guy she met, went out with, and decided not to date anymore. Heather’s reaction was the same as usual. She screamed, “Jilli! Again?! But he was a good guy! Why don’t you give him a proper chance?” It’s not as if Jilli was turned off by “nice guys”. Quite the opposite actually. Jilli did want a good, caring, sweet, honest, charming man – but the one that she would “click” with.

“Aha Man” was not the right one for her. Jilli did not feel the passion and chemistry – or what I call the “Click”. She knew deep in the bottom of her stomach that he was not the one! All her friends, including Heather, thought that she was crazy for not dating him. They couldn’t understand why. However, Jilli knew that the right one will come. She had faith.

Jilli was dating like a man. She liked meeting new people and enjoyed the evenings out. She wanted to have fun! She did not sleep with them all. She simply went out with the men she met, in order to find out if any of them were the right ones. Unfortunately they were not. Heather couldn’t understand that. Heather believed in dating for weeks and weeks – even after realizing that the man was not a good match. Heather wasted her time, nerves, money and patience on the wrong men. Giving someone a chance is good, but when it’s obvious that the connection is wrong, why continue and torture each other?

Girls take your time and date. Do not worry what people think of you. I always say that one must chose wisely and make a good decision about whom they marry. Dating more men will show you what you want and don’t want in a partner. Consider it like gathering information by reading many books, and taking cars out for a test drive, until you find the car you want. If women would not be judged by society for dating like men, would we do it more often? Why do women get labeled “easy”, when all they want is to meet a nice guy, and not waste any time with the wrong one? I say bloody hell to all of those people that label you! Go ahead and date as many men as you like until you meet the right one.

Of course dating around also means that you get to have wild, pulse-stopping sexcapades and exciting adventures. However, I would advise you to keep this to yourself. Not everyone will understand and not everyone will be happy for you. There is a lot of jealousy out there and you do not need to attract this evil into your life. People love to judge and gossip. Tell your best friend, but for the rest, you should stay a mystery.

Girls, date around like a man. Live and love, do what makes you happy. Do what’s good for you! As long as you are respectful to others and your body, then everything is ok. The only one that can judge you, is you. So do yourself a favor and date a few different men until you meet the one that’s right for you. If they can do it, then why the hell can’t we? After all, girls should want to have fun! So go ahead, you have my blessing.

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Don’t date married people!
Don’t date married people! 1200 400 Galia Brener

Image this scenario: It’s a Thursday night, and your friends drag you out for a drink. You’ve had a tough week, and don’t feel like mingling and being amongst people. You try to refuse, but they don’t take no for an answer. You stand in front of your closet, trying to choose something decent to wear, but your heart is simply not in it. You throw on your can’t-go-wrong-dress, put on your high-yet-comfy heels, and leave the house. You feel yourself regretting every step that brings you further away from your comfortable couch. The girls take you to a trendy new bar, and suddenly it starts to look up, because you realize that you can drown your sorrows in a strong gin tonic! You slowly sip your drink and look around. A man approaches you and sits on the bar stool beside you. He’s absolutely drop-dead gorgeous. He starts talking to you, and you soon feel yourself melting away. He’s charming, warm, kind, sweet, and intelligent… and he wants to take you out to dinner on the weekend. You go home happier than ever.

 

Saturday is here, and you’re nervous as hell! You’re meeting “him” tonight! You look fabulous, and so does he. You have an absolutely amazing evening together. You feel the butterflies fly wildly around in your stomach, and your heart starts singing love songs to your brain. This date is followed by many more wonderful dates. Everything is simply perfect and you are both very happy. You feel that he’s the one, and tell him that you love him. He hugs you tightly and says that he loves you too… but there is something that he has to tell you. He hasn’t told you this yet because he was scared to lose you. Your heart skips a beat, and almost stops. Your stomach lurches, as if you are sailing through 10-meter high waves, hanging on for dear life. What the hell does he need to tell you?

 

He’s married. You love him. He says he loves you. He doesn’t want to lose you, and tries to convince you to stay with him. You try not to see him for a few days, to gather distance from him. But you cannot. You need to see him, to kiss and hug him. You need to hear his voice, feel his closeness, his touch, his arms wrapped around you. But like it or not, you are now the “other woman”. The longer you date him, the harder it will be for you to leave. In the bottom of your heart and soul, you know that letting him go would be the better and smarter thing to do…. but it’s so damn hard!

 

Most men that have affairs do not leave their wives for the “other woman”. Same thing goes for married women. Even if he does leave his wife, there is no guarantee that he won’t do the same thing with you, and the next woman after you. An acquaintance of mine, Maria, was dating a married man. She wanted to leave him but couldn’t. She was crazy about him. He kept on promising her to leave his wife, year after year. After 5 years, he still did not leave his wife, and he never did after. Maria ended up wasting 5 years with a man that was sharing his heart with two women. He told her that he doesn’t sleep with his wife anymore, and doesn’t even love her, but still he did not make an attempt to start a new life with Maria! She met him at 35 years old, and is now 40 with a broken heart and wasted time.

 

Dating married people is like being stuck with a bad Internet connection, and waiting for your favorite online store to load. Usually the page fails to load up, and the slow Internet crashes. You are putting your life on hold for a man/women that “might”, but most likely never will be yours. No matter how you try to justify it to yourself: “It really is true love”, or “S/he truly loves me”, “We are soul mates because we understand each other so well”… at the end of the day, a family is being wrecked. There is another woman on the other side who is miserable and suffering. She is trying to do everything do get her husband to notice her again. It’s an awful, painful and torturous feeling. Ask yourself this: can you truly love someone who is so disrespectful to his wife and family? He is having his cake and eating it too. Two women who want him, and he gets to decide what, where, when and with whom. Be honest to yourself, is this the life you really want?

 

I have seen a few friends suffer like never before. My advice to you would be to never start dating anyone who is married, and if you happen to find out later, break it off immediately. You will save your heart, soul, and a family! If s/he did this “with you”, then s/he will do this “to you” as well. Karma is also at risk here. You don’t want the same thing happening to you when you are married! Drop them and take care of yourself. You deserve a wonderful person that will fall in love with you, and make you their one-and-only! You deserve the very best, and do not need to share your partner with anyone else. Be smart and choose to lead an honest, honorable and happy life.

 

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Learn how to say “NO”
Learn how to say “NO” 1200 400 Galia Brener

It’s 9am on a Saturday morning, and your grandmother just called because she wants you to help her pick out that “ever-so-trendy-grandma-purple-hair-dye”. Two hours later your best friend calls because her boyfriend cheated on her with his childhood friend George. You meet her in the city for emergency cheesecake and sparkling wine. Five hours later you leave her happily drunk at home and finally have the chance to pick up your dry cleaning. But of course, the store is closed already. You rush home to change because in an hour you have a date with a man you have been looking forward to see for days now. You put your favorite outfit on, hoping that this guy will be a good one. You hear the doorbell ring. After an hour into the date, you notice how much he is in love with himself and your excitement disappears. You make up an excuse that you have to finish helping the technicians at NASA early the next morning, and you run out of there. You finally arrive at home and drop into bed. What a tiring day after such a stressful week!

 

The next morning your mother calls. Then your brother calls and asks to pick him up because his car broke down, again! Your landlord calls, no hot water for half a day! Your toaster burns the last slice of bread you have. You remember that you didn’t finish a part of your presentation for your meeting on Monday. You think it will take an hour to finish, and 5 hours later, it’s evening again. Where did “your” weekend go? You are left with 2 hours on a Sunday evening before the stress week starts again. STOP. It’s time to regain your control and make “Me-Time”.

 

One does not live forever. More than a third of the day is spent working. The remaining part is spent sleeping, eating, making love, going out or doing stuff for/with people that you do not always want to do. So how much time is there leftover for you? You grew up hearing that you must help others and not be selfish. Help when you can, but there is a time when you have to say “No” to the things that you don’t really want to do. In the beginning people might get angry with you. However, you need to make time for yourself, and do the things that relax and make you happy. Your “real” friends and family will understand and even respect you for that.

 

Do not spend all of your time and energy on your partner. Do not depend on him/her for true happiness. This has to come from within yourself. Your partner is a bonus in your life, and not the meaning of your life. Get rid of those expectations that as soon as you have a new love, you will be happier and more satisfied. If not met, expectation can hurt and devastate you. Sure, having a partner will bring new excitement into your life, but never make the mistake to rely solely on your partner to make you happy. Your partner is not Mother Theresa, and it’s not their job to turn your life into a fairytale. However, if you really want to, you can do this for yourself.

 

Get a hobby. You enjoy eating? Take a cooking course. You like art? Try painting. You like words and can get lost in them? Then take a pen and write something down. Make a date with yourself to do something that you love, which brings peace and happiness to your heart and soul. You like to stay fit? Go to the gym or try yoga. I love it. It makes me stronger, more confident and happier. You like fashion? Take a Sunday design course. You want to upgrade your education? Take a weekend or evening course. Do what makes you happy. Be selfish! It’s your life, and you have only this one to enjoy now! Whatever you do, take the time out for yourself and take care of yourself. Especially us women, we tend to nurture everyone else and often forget ourselves in the process.

 

In my opinion, the most important relationship that you have to work on and make strong is the one with yourself. Be strong, loving and caring towards yourself. Don’t be afraid to say no to others when you don’t want something. Every minute that you spend doing something against your will, is a minute of your life that is wasted and gone. It’s an unbelievable feeling of liberation to be able to say “NO”. In my experience, it also contributed to making me stronger and self-assured. Deep inside we know exactly what we want and don’t want, so be true to yourself and express that in a nice but firm way. Try it out and have fun saying: NO! – The reactions are funny.

 

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Photo by: Antonio Photographer. Tbilisi, Georgia

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Should you try to change your partner?
Should you try to change your partner? 1200 640 Galia Brener

I’m a firm believer that very few people can truly change their character. The less minor things such as habits, ways of doings things, style, education, hobbies, interests, etc. can be modified and learned. But can one really change their true nature? My father says that a snake sheds its skin but never changes its character. I take this great analogy, apply it to relationships and ask this important question: Can you, or should you even try to change your partner?

 

Ambition. This is a strong word that has followed me my entire life. There were times when it was closer to me, and times in between when it was hiding, but ambition was always around. It allowed me to stay motivated and strive for success in times where there was no white light at the end of the tunnel. In my opinion, ambition cannot be taught. Ambition must be felt by the people themselves – as a hot burning desire to achieve, learn, create, make, earn and complete. If your partner lacks ambition and has no desire to move forward, it shall be very hard for you to motivate them to do so. Not only will they slowly start to hate you for it, but it will suck all of your energy and happiness in the process as well. We must realize that not everyone wants a big career, has a goal or dream to follow, or has a purpose in life, which they want to achieve. Some go with the flow and see where they end up, without any plans or structure in their lives. If you choose such a partner, this should be apparent to you from the beginning, and such extreme laissez faire attitudes can rarely be changed. I like to say: a chicken cannot fly. It has small wings, but it cannot take off from the ground and reach a high altitude. Don’t push a chicken to become a soaring eagle, because it simple cannot! The chicken can learn the “theory” of flying, but in reality, they will not master the “practice” of flying. Some are born chickens, and some are born eagles. And it’s ok like that.

 

Self-confidence. This is a tricky one. I myself had a battle with this when I was younger. This is not something that comes easily to everyone right away. Sometimes it takes years for it to build up to a healthy level. You can support and compliment your partner a hundred times, but if they don’t feel inside how wonderful they are, then it will be hard to get through to them. This is really a self-battle, so it will be hard for you to change them to see themselves differently.

 

Responsibility. This is something that is obtained intuitively and from the family at a younger age. If you start dating the person and you see they are careless and irresponsible, then chances are that it will not change – especially after their late 20s. This is also an important point if you want to get married and have kids! It’s hard to do that with a person that is irresponsible for themselves and others. Don’t be in denial, accept it as a fact and decide if it’s good for you to have them in your life or not.

 

Cheaters very rarely change. As well as liars, egotists, users, fakes, players, moody people, narcissists or the ones that that simply don’t want to work or study. However, bad habits that can be changed are things like lack of discipline and punctuality, unhealthy lifestyle, not being a good listener, spending money one doesn’t have, addiction, showing off, aggression, etc. The best you can do is to give advice and help, and try to guide your partner in the right way. However, if they are not open to self-improvement, then there is nothing that you can do.

 

The hard part is that we sometimes see so clearly what our partner doesn’t. We want to help them. We want to advise and give them support and guidance. However this not always wanted, accepted or needed by them! I myself am one of these people that learn the hard way, after something bad or extreme happens. After I fell down a few times in my life, I finally understood what needed to be changed. There are many like me that need to hit the bottom to be able to jump back up – and even though you see this with red warning lights, the other person may not! That can be horribly tough on the relationship.

 

Always remember that perhaps your guidance and your way of life do not fit theirs. What’s good for you is not necessarily what’s good and beneficiary for them. At the end of the day, we met our partners and fell in love with them how they are. Why is there always the bloody need to change someone and shape them into your own image of perfection? Yes you care for them. Yes you want to help them. My suggestion is after you try to help, and nothing changes, you either accept them as they are, try to compromise with your demands on them, or let them go and find someone who fits you better. But if you keep on pushing and pushing them, then nothing good will come of it, except much emotional and psychological stress to you both.

 

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BDSM: from princess to whore and back?
BDSM: from princess to whore and back? 1408 1611 Galia Brener
BDSM = Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, Sadism and Masochism. More and more people are curious about this side of the sexual world, and are willing to try it out. Sex experiments definitely bring a thrill and forbidden pleasure to many couples, but have you ever thought of the negative effects this can have on a relationship? Can you simply switch from being his princess, to his dirty submissive worthless slut and then be his precious princess the next day again? Will there still be love and respect, or is the innocence of sweet love gone?

Respect: is one of the main ingredients to a healthy and happy relationship. When a situation occurs that make you question and/or lose respect to your partner, know that it is often the beginning of the end. Let me ask you to think of this scenario in your head for a minute, and be completely honest with yourself: You go to a fetish party with your man wrapped in latex, while you’re holding him on a dog leash and he crawls after you. Will you still see him as your strong loving protecting man and head-of-the-family figure the next day? Or is the respect gone?A friend of mine, let’s call her Lovely, was with her boyfriend Rex for about a year. Their relationship was good and she was happy. They had their occasional small fights, but all in all, she loved him. One day they passed by a fetish store and Rex suggested that they go inside. Hesitating, Lovely agreed. Rex told her that he wanted to try something new with their sex life. He picked out some things, showed it to her and bought it for them. The experiments started off “softly” with a silk ribbon to tie lovely’s wrists together, and a soft leather whip to tease her nipples and slap her gently on the bum. Lovely was not a huge fan of this bondage sex, but she was “ok” with it. She didn’t want to say no to him. She didn’t want to lose Rex. She didn’t want to appear old-fashioned or boring to him. Lovely thought that maybe with some time, she would start to like it as much as he does.

 

As the months flew by, Rex was becoming curious to try the “harder” BDSM things. He enjoyed being dominant and needed her submissiveness. They visited their friendly neighborhood fetish dealer again, and Rex bought more things. This time there were latex outfits, a whip with spikes on it, a ball gag, strong nipple clamps, spreader bar, restraint set, collar with D ring, anal plug, ropes to tie hands and feet, and more. Lately they have not been having “normal” sex anymore without his equipment, because he said it was boring. Lovely really missed the warm, passionate and loving sex they used to have. Rex was on a high from this new sex lifestyle and wanted more. After some arguments, Lovely agreed to try some of the harder things. She really hoped that because he loves her, he wouldn’t actually go too far and cause her pain. His sex fantasies were spinning out of control, and he called her horrible degrading names while taking her roughly from behind. It was becoming extremely humiliating and physically painful for Lovely, and she started questioning if he really loves her at all anymore. During their normal leisure time he became harsh and colder as well. He lost respect, and Lovely was beginning to hate him. Rex disgusted her. She ended the relationship and didn’t want to see his face again. Lovely heard in the Frankfurt grapevine that apparently he has gotten even worse now. He became a monster.

 

I have interviewed a few people that live the BDSM lifestyle and they told me that sometimes it’s hard to shut off the roles from one minute to the other. One partner may get possessed by crazy sex ideas, and the other does not follow, and many relationships have been damaged and ended after attempts at a BDSM lifestyle. I have been told that most of the time respect was lost for either one or both partners. Most of them said that causing someone physical pain is not love. One woman was even permanently damaged by the experience and still goes to therapy for it. She said that she could never trust another man, due to the fact that her ex lost respect for boundaries with her. One woman said that it was ok at the beginning and then became harder and painful, and she split up with her husband. What almost all of them said was once they started with BDSM, their partners didn’t want to have “normal” sex anymore. It was boring and too “vanilla plain” for them. Knowing this hurt them because without the sex gadgets, they were not good enough for them anymore. It’s like opening a can of worms, once you start with BDSM sex, the relationship will never be the same again. They said their partners didn’t look so innocently and lovingly at them anymore. Two women sent their husbands to a dominatrix and told them to get their thrill there. With real BDSM, there are no shades of grey at all – you are either all in for the hard game, or out.

 

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Is this a date or not?
Is this a date or not? 1354 437 Galia Brener

Have you ever met with someone that you liked, went for dinner, maybe drinks after or even dancing, and at the end of the evening you get a hug and a friendly smile with a quick “thanks” and “bye”. You are left standing there wondering, “What the hell just happened? Was that even a date? Or does s/he only like me as a friend?” Rest assured that you are not alone and this strange confusion happens quite often.

My friend Bill met a girl that he really liked. They “hung out” and always had fun. They did many things together like go to shows, dinners and parties. However, Jessica never kissed him or showed any physical interest in him. They never spoke about romance or sexual things. Bill thought that she simply needs her time. He was falling for her, and was in denial without wanting to face the truth. This kept on going for a few months, and still nothing happened. I told Bill that even an extremely shy girl would have wanted to kiss him after a few months, given that she was interested in him as more than just friends. Slowly he was starting to realize that these were not “romantic” dates! I told him to ask her straightforward, but he didn’t have the courage and didn’t want to risk pushing her out of his life. He did fall in love with her in the process, and unfortunately got hurt after realizing that she only thought of him as a “friend”. This can be avoided if you pay attention to the following signs:

It’s a date:

1. He reserves a table at a restaurant and pays the bill.

2. S/he acts nervous around you on the first few dates.

3. There is some physical contact during the date – slight touching of forearm, elbow, etc. while talking.

4. You feel the chemistry and tension between you, and he wants / tries to kiss you.

5. S/he asks you a lot of questions, and seems genuinely interested in you, and wants to get to know you better. They show interest!

6. They compliment you in a flirty way.

7. S/he sends you a “Thank you and good night” text after the date.

8. He acts very chivalrous and is a gentleman, and tries to positively impress you.

It’s not a date:

1. S/he asks you to go to a group event, and doesn’t pay much attention exclusively to you.

2. If s/he asks you to “hang out”, and you end up doing something non-romantic at all.

3. Spending time with a colleague and talking mostly about work, without personal questions.

4. If s/he talks a lot about a love interest or a person they like.

5. Talks about their friends, and who would be a good match for you. Or gives you tips about dating, the opposite sex, flirting etc.

6. No effort with their physical appearance. No one wears sweat pants on dates.

7. S/he is not flirting or playful with you, and no kiss or physical intimacy.

8. They bring a friend with them.

We live in an era full of confusions, where a date can actually be a non-date, or the person you fell in love with actually thinks you are their best friend, and nowhere near a romantic interest at all. Listen to your gut feeling and pay attention to the other’s body language. You should “feel” if there is romantic tension or not, and never lie to yourself. Never run after someone that doesn’t want you, because that will damage your confidence and self-respect. Make yourself available for someone that sees how wonderful you are, and actually wants to have romantic dates with you!

The best advice I can give you is to be straightforward. Communicate and simply ask them in a cute way, “Are we going on a date?” with a smile while asking. This should never be an embarrassing thing to do! Better to say it straight up and know where you stand, rather than get hurt after, like my friend Bill did. We were born with mouths to speak and ask what we don’t understand. It’s so easy, but unfortunately we make it complicated for ourselves. Guessing games suck too much happiness away from you. Don’t guess, just ask.

13 simple things to make your woman happy
13 simple things to make your woman happy 1354 437 Galia Brener

 

Last week I gave you the men’s 13-point list of happiness. This week I compiled our list, and I am pleased to say that there are many similarities! At the end of the day, we all want happiness and love. Getting the women might seem like the hardest part of the dating game, however that is only a small portion of the battle won. The real challenge is not getting the woman, but rather keeping her happy by your side! Dear men, I’m sure you are sitting with your eyebrows raised and a smirk on your face now, but don’t worry, it’s not as hard as you think – you don’t have to be Hercules or a millionaire to succeed at this.

Let’s make it easy for you to understand and compare this to your car that you love so damn much. Imagine you get your dream car – it’s fast, shiny and new! Every time you see it, a wave of happiness rushes through your body and you can’t get your eyes off your new baby! Driving it is one of the best feelings in world. A few years go by, and you notice dents here and there. The new car smell has long evaporated, the leather interior is not so pristine anymore, and the rims have scratches on them. Your car is getting older, but it’s still your baby and you will take care of it, right? With every 10,000 km you lovingly pat the steering wheel, and thank her for being so good to you. Even if she gets very old and is considered an old-timer, you wont just leave her to rust. Much like beautiful cars, women need proper care and attention as well. If you don’t invest time and effort into taking care of the things you love, then you will lose them.

Dear gentlemen, here is a list of 13 things that you can do to keep your woman very happy:

1. Foreplay – go down on her, make her hot and don’t forget to cuddle afterwards

2. Don’t tell her what to do

3. Accept her as she is

4. Be supportive, strong and courageous

5. Be a good listener – show her that you are loyal and caring

6. Be generous – financially and with your attention, compliments and love

7. Always be honest and faithful

8. Be a gentleman – show respect, good manners and take responsibility

9. Be funny and show your sense of humor

10. Surprises – sweet text messages, flowers, dinner and gifts

11. Stay sexy – don’t let yourself go

12. Show her appreciation, kindness and be forgiving

13. Make plans and commitment for your future together

This reminds me of Gloria’s unfortunate story. She was dating a guy who pretended to be her prince charming at the beginning, and did everything to sweep her off her feet. But as time passed by and the more effort she made, the less he gave back in return. He took her for granted, and this slowly killed the love she felt for him. Towards the end of the relationship, it seemed that he didn’t care much at all and showed his true narcissistic nature. Gloria eventually had enough of his selfish crap and left him. After she was gone, months later he finally realized how much he truly loved and missed her, but it was already too late. His flowers and love letters had no meaning for her anymore. She met a real man who was more than willing to make her very happy! Ladies before falling madly in love, keep your eyes open, and make sure that the man genuinely wants to make you happy because he truly loves you. I don’t want to see any more women suffer like Gloria did.

I know I have listed a lot of things to do, but take your time and do it because you want to and not because you have to. Actions and deeds speak louder than words. Always remember to never take your woman for granted. If you are not good to her, then she will eventually leave, and another man will be very willing to make her happy! Relationships are not always easy, and love can be a real bitch, but if you figure out the formula to make her happy, believe me, she will give you even more in return. Making your woman feel special is not so difficult, and a bit more effort on your part will get you ahead (and even head ;-) and keep your woman feeing very happy. After all, with all of the wonderful things we do for you, we deserve it!

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