relationship

We All Make Mistakes
We All Make Mistakes 1600 875 Galia Brener

To forgive or not to forgive, that is the question. We have all experienced hurts and unfair blows towards us, that leave us painfully asking ourselves: Why me? What did I do to deserve this from him/her? We can spend weeks thinking about why this happened. We feel confused, sad, and then angry! We swear to never open up to anyone again. We stay at home alone, licking our wounds, protecting ourselves from the world. Never ever again, we say. However, unless they have tried to physically kill you, forgiveness is the only functioning therapy that you can give your heart, mind and soul.

The best reason to forgive is for your own good! Do it firstly for yourself, and not the other person. As soon as you truly forgive, a large stone falls off of your chest, and you feel much lighter, and breath easier. Congratulations, you have released yourself from being your own victim. This doesn’t mean that you have to talk to the person again, but the fact that you let go of the betrayal, means that you moved on. This is very good for your karma, because you release the anger inside of you. Think of it as releasing poison from your body. And yes, you can be egoistic at times, and forgive someone for your own sake, and not theirs.

Of course you must realize that it’s not just about those big life-shattering betrayals. It’s also about those fights with your partner, parents or best friend. Those small arguments count just as much. You must be open enough to be able to forgive the ones you love. Everyone makes mistakes, and most likely, it was not done upon you from an evil heart. Throughout the years, I have come to realize that when someone I love apologizes to me, I must accept the apology and be able to let the anger go. Of course if the offense is not a drastic one, than accepting an apology and forgiving is the right thing to do.

A friend of mine told me a story last week, which fits quite perfectly. Heather and her boyfriend were away on holiday. On their last day, he woke up early, and was fidgeting around in bed. He got up, walked around the room, got back into bed, moved around and around, and got up and down again. Then he turned on the laptop and started watching a movie. Obviously this woke Heather up, and she was extremely tired. They have gotten to bed quite late the night before. All she wanted to do was sleep and rest. Her man complained that he was hungry and tried to hurry Heather to get up and get ready. Of course she got up and was pissed off at him, eyes half shut, tired beyond belief. She was grouchy, and showed it to him. He kept on pushing her to hurry, and she screamed at him to stop it! She was not even fully awake. Again she screamed quite rudely at him to stop. Instantly she felt bad for it. He gave her such a nice holiday. On their way to town for breakfast, she apologized twice for raising her voice at him. No reaction. At breakfast he was distant and silent. Heather thought to herself that instead of this childish cold-treatment, she could have been resting in bed now. They headed to the beach, and still no peace in sight. After two hours, she had enough of this crap, and said to him, “Why can’t you simply let it go? This is our last day here, and I have apologized twice to you already! Your ego is so dominating that you would rather ruin this entire day, instead of forgiving me, letting the crap go, and enjoying yourself as well!” After a few minutes, he turned to her and said that she was right. They kissed, and made up, and had the best day of their entire holiday. He annoyed her, she screamed, she apologized, and a while after he forgave her. Sound familiar?

What usually helps me is this thought: what if I never see this person ever again? What if you had a fight with your partner, he goes to work, has a car crash and dies? You will never ever see him again. Would you ever forgive yourself for parting ways in such anger? You would give anything to hug and kiss him again. Remember this for the rest of your life. A schoolmate of mine fought one morning with her sister, but she never came home from school that day. The woman still carries a hole in her heart larger than the Pacific Ocean. Our loved ones will not always be there with us. So think about it, was a fight that you recently had really worth it?

I am not suggesting to be a doormat, and allow everyone to walk allover you, but try to choose your battles wisely, and see what is really worth arguing about. Life is so damn short, so why make it more complicated for ourselves and loved ones? Live with an open and forgiving heart. Unless the damage is huge beyond repair, try to forgive others. Not only will you heal your own soul, you will also give them another chance to prove themselves, and love you more. I know it’s sometimes hard, but it’s even harder to never see your loved one again, or have the chance to forgive them for their silly error. Be kind and forgive, because everyone makes mistakes, including you.

Photos by Uwe M. Carl of Carl & friends: Marketing für Mode und Lifestyle.

Outfit by Albrecht Ollendiek

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Are you “dating” or just “hanging out”?
Are you “dating” or just “hanging out”? 1200 800 Galia Brener

Have you ever met with someone that you liked, went for dinner, maybe drinks after or even dancing, and at the end of the evening you get a hug and a friendly smile with a quick “thanks” and “bye”. You are left standing there wondering, “What the hell just happened? Was that even a date? Or does s/he only like me as a friend?” Rest assured that you are not alone and this strange confusion happens quite often. 

My friend Bill met a girl that he really liked. They “hung out” and always had fun. They did many things together like go to shows, dinners and parties. However, Jessica never kissed him or showed any physical interest in him. They never spoke about romance or sexual things. Bill thought that she simply needs her time. He was falling for her, and was in denial without wanting to face the truth. This kept on going for a few months, and still nothing happened. I told Bill that even an extremely shy girl would have wanted to kiss him after a few months, given that she was interested in him as more than just friends. Slowly he was starting to realize that these were not “romantic” dates! I told him to ask her straightforward, but he didn’t have the courage and didn’t want to risk pushing her out of his life. He did fall in love with her in the process, and unfortunately got hurt after realizing that she only thought of him as a “friend”. This can be avoided if you pay attention to the following signs:

It’s a date:

1. He reserves a table at a restaurant and pays the bill. 

2. S/he acts nervous around you on the first few dates.

3. There is some physical contact during the date – slight touching of forearm, elbow, etc. while talking. 

4. You feel the chemistry and tension between you, and he wants / tries to kiss you. 

5. S/he asks you a lot of questions, and seems genuinely interested in you, and wants to get to know you better. They show interest!

6. They compliment you in a flirty way.

7. S/he sends you a “Thank you and good night” text after the date. 

8. He acts very chivalrous and is a gentleman, and tries to positively impress you.

It’s not a date:

1. S/he asks you to go to a group event, and doesn’t pay much attention exclusively to you. 

2. If s/he asks you to “hang out”, and you end up doing something non-romantic at all. 

3. Spending time with a colleague and talking mostly about work, without personal questions.

4. If s/he talks a lot about a love interest or a person they like. 

5. Talks about their friends, and who would be a good match for you. Or gives you tips about dating, the opposite sex, flirting etc. 

6. No effort with their physical appearance. No one wears sweat pants on dates. 

7. S/he is not flirting or playful with you, and no kiss or physical intimacy. 

8. They bring a friend with them.

We live in an era full of confusions, where a date can actually be a non-date, or the person you fell in love with actually thinks you are their best friend, and nowhere near a romantic interest at all. Listen to your gut feeling and pay attention to the other’s body language. You should “feel” if there is romantic tension or not, and never lie to yourself. Never run after someone that doesn’t want you, because that will damage your confidence and self-respect. Make yourself available for someone that sees how wonderful you are, and actually wants to have romantic dates with you!

The best advice I can give you is to be straightforward. Communicate and simply ask them in a cute way, “Are we going on a date?” with a smile while asking. This should never be an embarrassing thing to do! Better to say it straight up and know where you stand, rather than get hurt after, like my friend Bill did. We were born with mouths to speak and ask what we don’t understand. It’s so easy, but unfortunately we make it complicated for ourselves. Guessing games suck too much happiness away from you. Don’t guess, just ask.

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WhatsApp killed the relationship
WhatsApp killed the relationship 1200 899 Galia Brener

It was a long drive back home, and thankfully I was well equipped with a good book to read, two new flavors of chips I have never tried before, and some cold Coke Zero. Everything a girl needs for a comfortable ride on the train, form one end of the country to the other. Across from me was sitting a young lady with long dark hair and big blue eyes. I noticed that she was typing something intensely into her mobile phone. I could almost see the smoke of anger coming out of her ears! She continued to abuse the poor phone, pressing her sharp long nails on the screen, creating an awful unbearable sound, like nails scratching a blackboard. Suddenly, the girl aggressively threw her phone onto the carpeted floor of the train, and let out a frustrated, angry sigh. She had tears in her eyes.

I asked if everything was fine with her, and she told me that she broke up with her long-term boyfriend… on her mobile phone! To ease the tension, I jokingly said that it must have been a hell of an SMS she just sent, and that she probably used up all her messages with that long text. She looked at me, like I was from a planet where dinosaurs still existed. She answered, “SMS? Do people still use those? I broke up with him on WhatsApp of course!” The answer to a love that lasted for 3 years: a break up on Whats-Bloody-App! The poor bastard did not even deserve a good old-fashioned SMS. He was not worth the price of it. WhatsApp is for free. What the hell happened to our world?

The further technology develops, the worse personal communication becomes. People can sit and type for hours on WhatsApp, instead of hearing each other’s voice, or meeting for a drink. Digital communication literally kills our relationships. A nice chat with your partner can turn into a disaster. One wrong letter, one wrong word, one wrong emoji smiley, and all of a sudden you are having a dreadful argument. The awful thing about digital communication is that it lacks the one and most important thing… emotions! Facebook is not much better. What if your man “liked” or wrote a “too-friendly” comment on a photo of a girl that you don’t know? Or even better, his ex-girlfriend contacted him. Or perhaps you find out the guy you are dating is flirting with ten other women on Facebook? Or perhaps even seeing them all? When our beloved Internet arrived, it brought with it many opportunities, but also many complications. The Internet turned us into a multiple-choice society. You can have A, B, C, D… or all of them online. It’s so easy to flirt left and right online with hundreds of men/women at the same time. In my opinion, this killed the purity of dating and love. Instead of searching for “The One and Only,” now online it’s all about dating and sleeping with “more and more”… or sadly even “ALL.”

My friend Gloria once destroyed a new relationship due to WhatsApp, because she did not know how the program functions. She met a guy at a party in Sachsenhausen. He was a rocker with a dirty attitude. Just a nasty man who believed that he must sleep with all of the women in Frankfurt before he died. Actually she luckily saved herself by killing this relationship, but that’s a whole other story. For now we shall only look at the mechanics of how technology killed this fake love. Gloria is a WhatsApp junkie. It’s the oxygen she breathes and the digital food she eats to stay alive. After meeting this creep, she started her usual “WhatsApp Romance” with him. They would communicate only online. I asked her why she doesn’t call him, and she said that if he wants to reach her, “he” should call. After they met a few times, Claudia fell for this idiot. She always complained that it took him too long to answer. She saw that he is online and typing something, but no text appeared on her screen. This happened a few times, so she accused him of being online and writing to “someone” else. He said that he was writing to her the entire time, but didn’t send the messages because he wanted to write something nice, so he kept rewriting his messages. I told Claudia that it is true. If she saw beside his name “typing”, then he was actually writing to her. She can’t see if he writes to someone else. She was devastated, shocked and angry with herself. She tried to save the new relationships, but it was too late. He accused her of being crazy and controlling… and all because of digital communication.

Thankfully there is a solution to this depersonalization and mass confusion. Instead of sending your loved one a text message, pick up the phone and call. You get to hear their voice, feel the emotions in their laughter, and share a few minutes of your day with them. If you have something important to say, try to do it with a call, or even better by talking to the person face-to-face. This will increase personal courage and strength of character. I have a new rule for myself (I am also guilty of using WhatsApp & Co.): if I feel that I have more courage to write to someone – which is the “easy” way out – then I wait to meet with them and say what’s on my heart in person. Sometimes It’s easier to say certain things or make confrontations electronically, instead of face-to-face. This takes courage away from people, and reduces empathy. Another thing that I would recommend, which I had to learn the hard way, is please do not have discussions with your partner via written words like sms, emails, Facebook, WhatsApp, etc. This will only make things worse because no emotions can be read. Meet them personally and work things out. Do not send angry messages on your phone. You will only hurt yourself in the process. Technology kills love. Of course we are busy, and do not always have time. In such cases texting helps, but nonetheless, let’s try to keep a more personal contact to the people that are important to us. I am also guilty of this sometimes, and will start now. It’s possible to save our relationships by being more personal. Let’s not hide behind our technology and have the audacity to face the people we care about. After all, a real kiss can only happen when you look your lover directly in the eye… and not via FaceTime.

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Photo by Uwe M carl of the Carl & Friends Agency
http://carlandfriends.de

Do you deserve true love?
Do you deserve true love? 1080 530 Galia Brener

We live in a time surrounded by high-tech gadgets and artificial intelligence, yet the one thing that still confuses mankind is the concept of “true love”. The big problem is that people tend to blame each other, but do they look within themselves to figure out what their own flaws are? No wonder the aliens haven’t arrived yet. The silly humans can’t deal with their own crap, let alone ET.

So now is the moment of truth…

Do you have the guts to admit to any of the questions below?

Do you always like to be right and win an argument? Do you always want to be in control? Is your opinion always the right one, because you think you know better? Do you let your emotions control you and create dramas? Do you make a big deal out of small things? Do you like to argue? Is it hard for you to compromise? Do you feel that people don’t understand you? Are you holding onto disappointment, pain or an ex from the past? Do you have fear of rejection? Do you lose your temper often? Do you get angry fast? Are you hard to get along with? Do you take people for granted? Do you get offended or hurt easily by what people say? Are you too sensitive or not sensitive enough? Are you greedy? Are you selfish and egoistic? Do you use people? Are you a cheater? Do you lie to get your way? Do you play with people’s feelings? Do you speak bad about and hurt others? Do you only take and not give back? Do you overanalyze? Are you a pessimist? Are you jealous? The list goes on and on.

At least 4 of the above questions used to affect me, until one day I decided to be brutally honest with myself and stop this torture. My own foolish behavior was hurting me. I decided to work on myself to become a better person, and give true love a chance to find me and enrich my life.

No one is born perfect, but we must work on ourselves in order to deserve true love.

Life is about learning and growing. I call it self-evolution.

1. Learn from your mistakes: Look back at all your relationships and figure out the pattern. Where have you been wrong? What could you have done better? Perhaps you have chosen the wrong partners? Don’t always date the same “types” – try meeting different kind of people. Be honest with yourself and see what you did wrong in the past. Work on yourself and evolve. Do not repeat your mistakes. If you were or still are an asshole, work on yourself to change and become a better person. It’s never ever too late to become a good human being!

2. Open up your heart to love again: I know this is one of the hardest things to do, especially if you have been hurt in the past! This takes a lot of strength and courage. Many people tend to become cynical and bitter after they have been hurt. However, only the strong can get up, dust themselves off and have the courage to open up to love again. Fact is: if you wont open up anymore, you will never have a chance to meet your true love. We have all been hurt, but would you rather be safe and stay alone, or take a leap of faith and meet someone wonderful?

3. Surround yourself with positive people that are seeking out the good in life: We all have those friends that love to complain about how bad their life is, or how awful men are. Please stay away from such negative people and their dramas! These “friends” influence a negative thinking pattern that you are a victim to bad men/women that will only want to hurt you. Instead, surround yourself with happy, strong, positive and life-loving people. They might even have a good friend to set you up with. Implant your mind with positive thinking patterns!

4. No desperation: Being  desperate is the key to failure, hurt and pain. Even if you have been single for years, do not date someone that is bad to you, just for the sake of being in a relationship! Be honest with yourself – is s/he good for you? I always say, better single and happy, than with a partner that makes you feel miserable!

Communicate your needs, thoughts and feelings. S/he is not a psychic. If something is bothering you, say it. Even if you think it’s embarrassing, say it. Do not be afraid to loose him/her. If it’s true love, you will not lose them. You will only gain their respect by being able to talk about and sharing your thoughts, opinions and problems.

The trick to finding true love is by first working on yourself and making sure that you truly deserve it. It’s always easy to point fingers at others, but look at yourself first! Believe me, I have gone through this self-evolution process as well. Once you have the guts to face the truth and work on your flaws to become a better person, true love will find you! Good luck.

 

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Arguing with your love – can you apologize first?
Arguing with your love – can you apologize first? 1080 530 Galia Brener

I had a long conversation with my friend Heather last week. She had a stupid fight with her man because of a small thing. The problem is that when she is in the heat of the moment, she only sees red. Reason and sensibility are thrown out of the window. At the end of the argument, he told her that he is usually the one who restores the harmony after a fight. This time, he did not want to be the first one to apologize again! He felt like an idiot that was always running to her, so he decided to leave their flat to clear his mind.

After he left, Heather did not know what to do. She felt sick to her stomach. She hated when they parted in anger and sadness. This left her with a feeling of helplessness and pain. She stayed in bed all Saturday morning, crying and sleeping in between. If was afternoon and he hasn’t called her yet. Usually he would have tried to call her at least 3 times, trying to make amends. But this time was different. Nothing came from him and this scared her. She did not want to lose him, because she loved him more than anyone else in the world. Heather called me in the evening, and I could hear the pain and panic in her voice. I quickly came over, equipped with wine and snacks, and we sat down to make a plan.

The plan was quite simple. It was up to her to apologize first this time. I asked her, “Heather, would you rather be right, or be happy?” She had to let go of always wanting to be “right”. Why is there always a need to win every argument? This only makes the fight last longer. The good thing is that they did not continue their argument after he left via digital communication. No bad words on WhatsApp, and no hurtful emails. This saved many sentences that both could have regret later. Is it worth to damage your love because of a meaningless argument and an ego that is too proud to compromise? No! Have we become such an ego-dominated society, that we are willing to lose our partner instead of being the first to apologize or make peace?

I advised Heather to send him a photo of her, with a sweet kiss and heart to break the initial ice. It worked like a charm. He called her back within a few minutes. He was colder than usual at first, but she went in with a mission to melt his heart. She told him that no matter what happens, she loves him very much, and he is the only one for her. She was sweet and loving on the phone. He became much warmer towards the end of the phone call. They hung up and I finally saw the beautiful smile on her face again. It worked!

When he came home, she was waiting for him with open arms. She jumped on him and kissed him all over. This made him very happy. That same night they had some drinks and an open talk. She said that he is very important to her, and she does not want to lose him and their special love. She promised to let go of small things, not hang onto words, to listen and communicate better. He promised to be more patient to her, and work on his communication skills as well. He said that her sudden reconciliatory behavior surprised him, because he was always the one to apologize first. She made the right choice, and her actions showed him that she is willing to work on herself, and their relationship.

If we truly love our partner, why is it so hard to apologize or make peace first? There are a few different reasons that stop us: The Ego. Our evil “best-friend”. It will always try to convince you that you are right. The Ego will try to tell you that making the first move after a fight shows dependency and weakness. The Ego also thinks that apologizing first will make you lose the upper hand and also the control in the relationship. The most ridiculous thing that the small pathetic Ego thinks: apologizing to your partner first is like being the “loser” and the person receiving the apology is the “winner.” How crazy is that? Do we want this small invisible creature to control us and destroy our relationships?

Some people stay completely in denial. They think if they do not “admit” that they are wrong, then in reality they are not actually wrong! They completely ignore and drown their problems. Worse of all, are the people who do not have empathy. These are the careless, cold, heartless people who do not care about others. These are the players, the bad boys/girls, the ones who only do things for their own satisfaction and benefit. If this is the case, then run as fast and far away as possible from them. They will never take responsibility for their actions, and continue hurting you over and over again. These are the dark lost souls that will never know what love really is.

If you truly love and care about your partner, then go to them and make peace. Life is short, and every second wasted being angry can be spent enjoying each other and making love. Even if you were not wrong, you can still sometimes be the first one to make peace. If they love you, they will appreciate this gesture and learn from it. If you see that your partner takes your apologies for granted, then they are not the right one for you. If this is real love, then you will both benefit from the apology and peace. The best way to do that is to ask yourself if being right is more important than having a strong connection with your partner? It’s important to stand up for yourself when being “truly” attacked. But it is more important to be able to let the small things go! Be smart, kill the ego and save the love.

 

‪#‎RelationshipGoals‬ ‪#‎love‬ ‪#‎happy‬ ‪#‎healthyrelationship‬

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Valentine’s Day on RTL with Galia Brener
Valentine’s Day on RTL with Galia Brener 398 395 Galia Brener

Thank you dear Lisa Marie Siewert and RTL for the funny and nice interview! To all my friends, family and readers, I wish you a wonderful Valentine’s Day full of happiness, good health and love! Don’t be shy to show your emotions and feelings. Life is short – live now and don’t regret later! Hugs, Gali <3 Please excuse the horrible German! ;-)

 

Read the article here: https://www.galiabrener.com/valentines-day-for-couples-and-singles/

 

 

 

Behind the scenes photos:

 

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Valentine’s Day shooting for RTL
Valentine’s Day shooting for RTL 822 545 Galia Brener

Thank you dear Lisa Marie Siewert from RTL for the funny and nice interview! If you are curious what I said about Valentine’s Day – watch it Friday Feb. 12th at 6pm on RTL Hessen <3

If you are curious about my Valentine’s Day tip for lovers and singles, take a look at my article: https://www.galiabrener.com/valentines-day-for-couples-and-singles/

Behind the scenes photos and shooting done at the Steigenberger Frankfurter Hof.

 

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