life

How does s/he make YOU feel?
How does s/he make YOU feel? 814 1200 Galia Brener

Have you ever noticed that different people bring out a different side of you? With one man you might act and feel like a sexy goddess, while with the other you’re the funniest comedian the world has ever seen. With the third one you might be the annoying nagging mother figure, and with the next man, you might be the silly little girl. It’s interesting how dating different people actually helps you to learn more about yourself, especially about what you want, and definitely don’t want. The most important thing after dating various people is to stay with the one that brings out the best in you!

 

Last week I was talking to my dear friend Ambrosia, who went through a very painful breakup a few months ago. Even though her ex was not the best guy for her, she was madly in love with him, and let him get away with bad behavior. He is what I call a “Male Drama Queen.” His actions and reactions to certain situations were insane, and of course this in return instigated crazy responses from her as well. Consider it an emotional chain reaction. Ambrosia was a victim to his bad moods and aggression, and this brought out the same in her, even though she is not the angry depressed type at all! Her ex was an energy vampire that sucked the positivity out of her whenever he had a bad day – which was quite often. He brought out the angry bitchy part of her, which she didn’t even know existed until they met!

 

Three month ago Ambrosia met a new man. With him, she was the cheeky comedian and the fun, unique girl. Gone was the angry bitchy woman from last year, and instead an easy going, adventurous and hilarious Ambrosia took her place. Her new boyfriend was giving her the attention and love that she so desperately lacked and needed from her ex. The new guy saw her as an equal, and not as a stupid little girl that had to be education. He cherished her, and made her feel like the only woman in the world for him. He praised her, gave her sweet compliments, kissed and touched her a lot, bought her flowers and simply adored her. Like she did him. He gave her a warm, light and happy feeling. She could be herself around him, and never felt like she was being judged. She enjoyed the Ambrosia that he brought out in her. The bold, funny, charming, beautiful and sophisticated Ambrosia was actually the characteristics she loved the most about herself.

 

Like with Ambrosia’s situation, the power is in your hands. You decide your own future, and what’s good for you. Make the right decision and chose your partner well. There is always a way of seeing quite quickly if this person brings out the best in you, or not. Try to look at these things:

 

  1. Are you funny when you are with him? Does he bring out the best in your sense of humor?

 

  1. Is she the kind of woman that gets offended or insulted easily? Which in return makes you feel the need to always explain/defend yourself, which eventually leads to being moody, irritated or annoyed? This is not good, because it sucks too much energy from you.

 

  1. Does he make you feel sexy and wanted? Or does he not pay enough attention to you – which makes you feel insecure, needing to overdo on making yourself appear beautiful, and trying to get his attention?

 

  1. If you fight does she bring you to the point where you get aggressive and loud, but usually you’re not like that at all? Do you have to defend yourself against her unnecessary accusations, which in return make you angry and miserable? Or does he bring out that mean bitch inside of you, which makes you bitter and sad afterwards? That’s all very bad for the emotions, and quite draining.

 

  1. Do you feel like you’re his Mama, and you have to nag and run after him? Or are you both on the same level? Or does he often lecture you about how you should change, and do things to grow up, almost like your dad, and not your friend?

 

  1. Are you cuddly and sweet to him, or colder and calculating – but usually are the complete opposite?

 

  1. Do you pretend to be someone else around him/her, and are usually different with your friends? Do you try to impress them too much, buy appearing cool and mysterious, instead of being the warm, sweet and normal you?

 

  1. Does she bring out the fun child in you – when you can be yourself, and have a good time together? Or does she judge your silliness?

 

I advise to see how your partner makes you feel, and be honest with yourself if s/he brings out your best side or not. I remember having a boyfriend once that tried to change me and my entire wardrobe, by telling me what to wear and what to get rid of. The day he bought me a brown rice-bag-grandmother-style sweater was the day I knew it would never work. Different people have different effects on us, and it’s crucial to choose a mate that inspires the peaceful, loving and caring side in us.

 

Stay away from people who bring out your bitterness, cruelty or aggression – because this usually ends up with pain and illness. From my personal experience, I can say that the best is to gravitate to a partner who brings out the tranquil side of you – with whom you can enjoy spending time together and not continuously have dramas and negativity around you. Life is short, so why be together with someone that brings out the evil twin in you? Choose well, it’s your future after all.

 

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Love yourself and overcome your insecurities.
Love yourself and overcome your insecurities. 1200 400 Galia Brener

I would like to introduce myself again. My name is Galia Brener, and in high school people called me “Pepperoni pizza”. I had horrible acne. Grotesque pimples decorated my face, chest and back. I used to cover half of my face with my hair, and walk around like “Cousin It” from the Addams Family. I still have scars on my face and chest. Up until a few years ago, I would conceal this with heavy makeup, but now, I just don’t give a damn anymore. I threw out all of that hideous makeup. Too many years of crying for nothing!

 

Do you feel/think that: You are overweight? You have acne? You are too short? Too tall? Too skinny? Not smart or pretty enough? You feel like an alien alone on this planet because you’re different? Don’t worry, you are not alone. Listen to Pepperoni Pizza’s advice: Who cares what the others say or think. BE WHO YOU ARE, and be proud of it! “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” That’s my favorite quote from Oscar Wilde.

 

These insecurities take lots of joy and happiness away from us. For the first 20 years of my life I felt terrible about my face. Eventually, I got so sick and tired of hiding behind my hair and makeup. Those are just “illusions”. Even through the makeup, one could see the scars and acne. And even through the baggy long clothing, one can see your full curvy (beautiful!) body. So how long are we going to hide behind these “protectors”? And is this really protecting us, or making our insecurities worse?

 

My friend “Honey” is a European size 44, and is drop-dead gorgeous! She dated a man that treated her very badly. He always called her fat. Finally she had the courage to dump him. She was depressed and ate chocolate day and night to comfort her soul. Being a good friend, I ate the kilos of chocolate with her, while crying and laughing together. After we both gained one more clothing size, we decided to go to a party. Honey saw a tall, handsome, olive-skinned man with eyes as bright as the Jaguar XKR-S French Racing Blue color! He is a well-known basketball star (Let’s call him J). She fell in love at first sight! Later on, he approached her with a glass of wine, and they spent the rest of the evening chatting. Today they are still happy together. Sadly, Honey continues with her diets. She looses and gains weight, but J never cares about it. He loves her for who she is. The only person that cares about the weight is Honey herself. That’s a damn shame, because she is curvy and extremely beautiful, but doesn’t see or feel it!

 

So who really notices all of your imperfections? YOU! Sorry to tell you this, but you are your worst enemy. Just like I was mine. I hated my pimples, so I squeeze them. Unfortunately that made them even worse and left scars! It was disgusting and awful. I was trapped in my own dark hell inside of my head. What helped me later was to acknowledge and concentrate on my strengths! Are you good at art, cooking, sports, design, dancing, singing, etc? If so, spend more time doing these things and less time criticizing yourself. Do not constantly talk about your flaws with others. Instead, mention your good traits!

 

Here are a few steps that helped me to overcome my insecurity issues:

 

1: Ignore non-constructive insults, judgments and criticism about you and your body.

2: Let go of past emotional garbage. It’s a decision of letting go and starting a fresh cycle.

3: Don’t try to always please others. You’ll never be able to satisfy everyone. Think of yourself too!

4: Avoid negative and toxic people. Keep them out of your life!

5: Stop your negative thoughts. As soon as they start, block them by thinking of something completely different. Don’t give such destructive thoughts a chance to upset you!

6: Stop comparing yourself to others. Don’t copy others and accept your uniqueness.

7: Attack your worries and fears. Face them head-on! I hated going out into the sunlight with my acne because everyone could see it. I spent my days at home after school, like a damn vampire. So sad and pathetic. Enough! Face your fears! Buy that sexy dress, even if you feel that you are too curvy for it. Just do it and wear it with pride!

8: It’s time to start loving and respecting yourself. If you wont, then the others wont either! Show others how you want to be treated.

9: Set goals for yourself, and when you achieve them, reward and treat yourself.

10: Become more positive in your thoughts and actions. Be happy!

 

Please promise me that once you feel strong inside, try to help others to get to such a wonderful place as well. Look outside at what is happening in this crazy world. We are there to help each other. But before we can do so, we must start by helping ourselves. I wish you lots of good luck, strength and energy for your mission. Everything will be ok!

 

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Learn how to say “NO”
Learn how to say “NO” 1200 400 Galia Brener

It’s 9am on a Saturday morning, and your grandmother just called because she wants you to help her pick out that “ever-so-trendy-grandma-purple-hair-dye”. Two hours later your best friend calls because her boyfriend cheated on her with his childhood friend George. You meet her in the city for emergency cheesecake and sparkling wine. Five hours later you leave her happily drunk at home and finally have the chance to pick up your dry cleaning. But of course, the store is closed already. You rush home to change because in an hour you have a date with a man you have been looking forward to see for days now. You put your favorite outfit on, hoping that this guy will be a good one. You hear the doorbell ring. After an hour into the date, you notice how much he is in love with himself and your excitement disappears. You make up an excuse that you have to finish helping the technicians at NASA early the next morning, and you run out of there. You finally arrive at home and drop into bed. What a tiring day after such a stressful week!

 

The next morning your mother calls. Then your brother calls and asks to pick him up because his car broke down, again! Your landlord calls, no hot water for half a day! Your toaster burns the last slice of bread you have. You remember that you didn’t finish a part of your presentation for your meeting on Monday. You think it will take an hour to finish, and 5 hours later, it’s evening again. Where did “your” weekend go? You are left with 2 hours on a Sunday evening before the stress week starts again. STOP. It’s time to regain your control and make “Me-Time”.

 

One does not live forever. More than a third of the day is spent working. The remaining part is spent sleeping, eating, making love, going out or doing stuff for/with people that you do not always want to do. So how much time is there leftover for you? You grew up hearing that you must help others and not be selfish. Help when you can, but there is a time when you have to say “No” to the things that you don’t really want to do. In the beginning people might get angry with you. However, you need to make time for yourself, and do the things that relax and make you happy. Your “real” friends and family will understand and even respect you for that.

 

Do not spend all of your time and energy on your partner. Do not depend on him/her for true happiness. This has to come from within yourself. Your partner is a bonus in your life, and not the meaning of your life. Get rid of those expectations that as soon as you have a new love, you will be happier and more satisfied. If not met, expectation can hurt and devastate you. Sure, having a partner will bring new excitement into your life, but never make the mistake to rely solely on your partner to make you happy. Your partner is not Mother Theresa, and it’s not their job to turn your life into a fairytale. However, if you really want to, you can do this for yourself.

 

Get a hobby. You enjoy eating? Take a cooking course. You like art? Try painting. You like words and can get lost in them? Then take a pen and write something down. Make a date with yourself to do something that you love, which brings peace and happiness to your heart and soul. You like to stay fit? Go to the gym or try yoga. I love it. It makes me stronger, more confident and happier. You like fashion? Take a Sunday design course. You want to upgrade your education? Take a weekend or evening course. Do what makes you happy. Be selfish! It’s your life, and you have only this one to enjoy now! Whatever you do, take the time out for yourself and take care of yourself. Especially us women, we tend to nurture everyone else and often forget ourselves in the process.

 

In my opinion, the most important relationship that you have to work on and make strong is the one with yourself. Be strong, loving and caring towards yourself. Don’t be afraid to say no to others when you don’t want something. Every minute that you spend doing something against your will, is a minute of your life that is wasted and gone. It’s an unbelievable feeling of liberation to be able to say “NO”. In my experience, it also contributed to making me stronger and self-assured. Deep inside we know exactly what we want and don’t want, so be true to yourself and express that in a nice but firm way. Try it out and have fun saying: NO! – The reactions are funny.

 

www.facebook.com/galiabrener

 

Photo by: Antonio Photographer. Tbilisi, Georgia

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The magic of letting go!
The magic of letting go! 1200 400 Galia Brener

Letting go is one of the hardest yet important things to do. This can be difficult for some people, like myself, because us sensitive types feel emotions quite deeply, we are loyal, compassionate, empathetic and caring. We often take things too closely to the heart, get hurt very easily and sometimes carry the sorrows of the world upon our shoulders. We tend to worry a lot, get offended, and in general, allow people to hurt us. The way I see it is that we emotional/sensitive types have a big karmic lesson to learn: to take things easier and learn the magic of letting go!

 

Do you have difficulties to let things go? For example, you hear that someone said something bad about you that you don’t deserve. Or when you have an argument with your partner, you might be tempted to go on fighting until s/he realizes that you are right, and not them. Maybe you had a painful breakup, or you do something really wonderful for someone, and they don’t appreciate it. You have a fight with your mom or best friend, your boss screams at you for no apparent reason, you get shoved hard on the train and fall down. Or the guy you really like has not called back in over two weeks after your date. Whatever the case is, it will gnaw at you until you manage to let it go.

 

My friend Gloria went through a rough breakup last year. It was terrible and unfortunately she hasn’t managed to become her usual happy-self ever since. She thought he was the love of her life and that they would get married one day. It turned out that he showed his true nature after two years, and was a complete opposite of whom she met and initially fell in love with. He had serious addictions, was short-tempered and treated her quite badly the last half a year they were together. She tried to do everything to save the relationship. However, the more she gave, the more he took, and the meaner he was to her. She couldn’t handle the pain anymore and forced herself to split up with him. This was a very tough decision and went against her heart, but she knew that it was the only way to survive his terror.

 

The following months were a complete shock for Gloria. She lost 10 kg and couldn’t deal with the fact that they were apart and he turned out to be someone completely different. Gloria hoped that his deep inner “goodness” would win over, and realize that he pushed away his best friend, and the only person who truly loved and cared about him. She was much closer to him than his family was. He always said that he felt at home with her and that she was his family. Words of truth? Or a sick game? To make a sad story short, it has been a while and she still didn’t get over it. She simply can’t let go. There are good men lining up for her and she is stuck on a guy who was terrible to her! Gloria told me that she would love him until the end of time. The problem is that if she doesn’t let go, she wont be able to move on and be open for a man who will truly love her. She is missing out on some good chances to be very happy!

 

By letting go, it does not mean that you are weak, and allowing the other to win and take control. Quite the opposite actually. By letting go, you are being smart and loving yourself. Bad people come into our lives as a test for us to see how we deal with such creatures and situations. They will “try” to tease, hurt, harass, manipulate and sometimes even destroy us. However, how deep you allow them to penetrate you is in your own control. Once you clearly see that this person or situation is bad for you, then it’s your job to walk away and not allow them to harm you. Even if they managed to get into your heart, the only way to rid yourself of their poison is by letting go. The power is yours. I think it’s time to turn on our survival instincts, and learn the magic of letting go. Do yourself a favor and let go in order to make place for the good things to come into your life. Holding onto these people and situations is the same as willingly holding onto parasites that you know are destroying your body. That’s sick!

 

www.facebook.com/galiabrener

 

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Marco Polo City Guide – Frankfurt 2015
Marco Polo City Guide – Frankfurt 2015 1200 636 Galia Brener

My blog Yes, No, Maybe? is included in the Marco Polo Frankfurt city guide 2015!

Thank you dear Stephanie Kreuzer! I feel very honored and happy ♥

 

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Kill the fear and follow your dreams!
Kill the fear and follow your dreams! 1354 437 Galia Brener
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 Well all have those special dreams in our hearts. For some it might be to become self-employed, for others it is to move to their favorite city, build their dream house or start a family. Whatever your dream is, however big or small it is, it’s time to start making those changes and move yourself towards your goal. It’s now or never dear friends and readers.2015 will be a power year for many to finally make those changes. The last few years may have been tough on us, me included, but this year is a time of positive change. Call me a dreamer, or call me silly, but I have the gut feeling that many of you have those special dreams that you shall start to actualize this year. There is a superpower energy in 2015 that has already started to push peoples’ behinds to achieve their goals. All we need is a little nudge, motivation and to face our fears head on!

Fear. It is a primary emotion in all human beings. What stops most people from following their dreams in life? Fear. Fear of the future. Fear of failure. Fear of not succeeding. Fear of making a fool of oneself. Fear of loss. Fear of being alone. The list goes on and on. This emotion blocks and paralyzes people from going after what they want in life. “Quit my job and start my own business? What if I don’t succeed and go bankrupt?” – but what if you do succeed and achieve greater things than you ever could imagine? Or “I will marry this guy and start a family even if he’s not my first or even second choice. At least I won’t end up alone.” – and what if you waited and actually met the love of your life, instead of taking third-best to avoid being alone? See my point dear readers? Fear makes us stick to the safe beaten path, so that we don’t have to take a risk and fail. But who knows what greatness and happiness we are blocking ourselves from if we don’t take that risk?

My best friend Jilli is a perfect example for this. She worked at an advertising agency for a while as a senior art director. She had a great salary and was settled in her job. However her heart always wished to become an entrepreneur again (like she was some years ago). She had many of her own ideas and visions. She wanted to open her own design company and create unique products for companies. She was so inspired and that was the only thing she talked about. I told her to do it. Go for the gold. Dream big. Worse comes to worse, the company fails and she gets another job at a different agency. Well, it’s been over half a year and her company is doing pretty damn well! She succeeded because she put her fear aside. I always told her that if she doesn’t go after her dream, someone else will hire her to make their dreams come true. Jilli hated hearing this sentence because she knew it was true! Now she is making her own dreams come true. Bravo Jilli, a true warrior at heart. I must mention that Jilli fell down a few times with previous endeavors. Yet she always stood back up again and marched towards her dream. We only have this chance now – in this lifetime.

What if you were guaranteed a 100% chance of succeeding? Would that change anything? Sure it would, because it would remove the fear factor. Well my dear, this is the grand year where many of you will be tested to see how much your fears are controlling you. Why not start to follow your dreams now? The fact is that we are not getting younger, and as everyday goes by, it’s another day wasted without a step towards your big goal. So why not organize your plans, thoughts and options and see what you can do to make that first step. Make a solid plan and go for it! I cannot even begin to tell you how incredible it feels to do what you love. Speaking from a career point of view, I do what I love and I am thrilled everyday to be writing and helping people. This feeling is unbeatable. I would not have been here now, had I not taken the big risk to move to Europe 12 years ago and start my own business. Sure I’ve fallen down a few times and gazed failure in the face, but the success and positive outcome made the hard climb worth it. It’s ok to fall down on the path to success – It’s quite normal actually. All successful people fell down a few times and gotten back up again. Those that take the risk of making their dreams come true are the ones that truly live and fully utilize their life. 2015 is literally the ass-kicking year. Either allow it to help you touch your dream or wallow in the safe corner – a.k.a – your comfort zone. And then wake up at 80 and realize “Wow! It’s over. No chances anymore.” So what shall is be, dream big or go home?

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My near-death experience. Live NOW!
My near-death experience. Live NOW! 768 768 Galia Brener
Dear friends and readers, I hope you had a wonderful start into 2015! I wish you only the very best – including lots of good health, happiness, success, joy, laughter and love. May all your most desired dreams and wishes come true for you this year!Since I am always writing about my honest opinion and giving advice on how to live, I thought that I should share a piece of myself with you as well. The last week of December last year, something horrific happened to me that changed my life forever. I hope that you can learn from this as well, because I would not wish for anyone to go through this lesson themselves.As some of you might know from my Facebook posts, I was on a winter holiday in Switzerland. We drove there by car and on the way we got into a terrible car accident. In the early morning of December 29th 2014, the highways in Germany still had a lot of snow on it, and none of it was cleared away! (Where does the tax money go?) We were driving on the far left lane, and lost control of the car. We ended up spinning in circles all the way from the left to the farthest right lane on the autobahn, and crashed into the gas tank of a large truck that was driving on the right lane. It was a miracle because at that very same second, there were no cars driving directly behind us. Had there been cars from behind, I would not be here writing this to you now. Everything was damaged around us, especially the large truck. The most incredible thing is that nothing happened to us. Nothing at all. It was as if our angels lifted us, and only the metal was damaged. We quickly jumped out of the car and had no bloody idea what just happened. We were in shock.

You know how people tell you that when you are near death, your life flashes in front of your eyes? It doesn’t. What transpired is that the 3 spins seemed to happen extremely slowly. The accident was probably only some seconds long, but it felt like we were spinning for 15 minutes in agonizing slow motion. What I will never forget is the image of the huge truck, and us slowly approaching it, about to crash head into it. At that second you have absolutely zero control and can’t do anything about it. There is no way to stop and escape. You either get lucky or not. 50/50 chance. The spooky thing is that at this very moment all you feel and think is:

Nothing. The mind shuts off.

I was not scared. I didn’t cry or scream. I didn’t see my life flashing by. I simply felt nothing. There was only silence and a slow motion in time. What a creepy strange phenomenon. It felt like being in a real Sci-Fi movie – like in the Matrix when Keanu Reeves dodges the bullets and everything happens extremely slowly. We dodged death.

Of course being the wild and strong women that we are, we decided – completely in shock – that we would continue our holiday no matter what! This makes me laugh now that I think about it. Normal people would have gone back home with a tow truck to lick their psychological wounds. Not us, we decided to celebrate life and our warrior spirit. We towed our car to the next city, rented a new car, and drove away. This ended up being the best trip of our lives. Those who saw my photos on Facebook know that we did our best to celebrate life. We ate only the best food, drank the best Champagne, danced, laughed, enjoyed and were grateful for every bloody damn second to be alive! Forget saving the money, you can’t take it into the grave with you.

What’s the point of this article? I want to tell you my dearest friends that life can be taken away from you in a millisecond. Just gone. Bam! And you’re not here anymore. Do you understand how fast this can all go away? We have to appreciate every second we have here. Forget and ignore the small crap in life. It doesn’t matter at all! What matters is YOU, HERE and NOW! Health and happiness. Everything else can be earned, created, found and built. Please enjoy your life and don’t let anything bring you down. Don’t let anyone steal your sunshine and goodness. Be happy and grateful that you have this life, and that you are privileged to live and enjoy it. The small things that once annoyed me will never be crucial anymore. Nothing will ever put me down or in a bad mood because I know how fast life can be taken away.

You are here because you are lucky and are chosen to be here. So enjoy every single second with your friends and family, and be happy! Never ever forget this. I now know my mission in life is to write my column and help as many people as I can. I’m so happy to give you this message, and make you aware how precious life really is. Enjoy and be happy dear friends.

Love, your Gali :-)

www.facebook.com/yesnomaybegalia
9. Januar 2015
Galia Brener

 

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