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WhatsApp killed the relationship
WhatsApp killed the relationship 1200 899 Galia Brener

It was a long drive back home, and thankfully I was well equipped with a good book to read, two new flavors of chips I have never tried before, and some cold Coke Zero. Everything a girl needs for a comfortable ride on the train, form one end of the country to the other. Across from me was sitting a young lady with long dark hair and big blue eyes. I noticed that she was typing something intensely into her mobile phone. I could almost see the smoke of anger coming out of her ears! She continued to abuse the poor phone, pressing her sharp long nails on the screen, creating an awful unbearable sound, like nails scratching a blackboard. Suddenly, the girl aggressively threw her phone onto the carpeted floor of the train, and let out a frustrated, angry sigh. She had tears in her eyes.

I asked if everything was fine with her, and she told me that she broke up with her long-term boyfriend… on her mobile phone! To ease the tension, I jokingly said that it must have been a hell of an SMS she just sent, and that she probably used up all her messages with that long text. She looked at me, like I was from a planet where dinosaurs still existed. She answered, “SMS? Do people still use those? I broke up with him on WhatsApp of course!” The answer to a love that lasted for 3 years: a break up on Whats-Bloody-App! The poor bastard did not even deserve a good old-fashioned SMS. He was not worth the price of it. WhatsApp is for free. What the hell happened to our world?

The further technology develops, the worse personal communication becomes. People can sit and type for hours on WhatsApp, instead of hearing each other’s voice, or meeting for a drink. Digital communication literally kills our relationships. A nice chat with your partner can turn into a disaster. One wrong letter, one wrong word, one wrong emoji smiley, and all of a sudden you are having a dreadful argument. The awful thing about digital communication is that it lacks the one and most important thing… emotions! Facebook is not much better. What if your man “liked” or wrote a “too-friendly” comment on a photo of a girl that you don’t know? Or even better, his ex-girlfriend contacted him. Or perhaps you find out the guy you are dating is flirting with ten other women on Facebook? Or perhaps even seeing them all? When our beloved Internet arrived, it brought with it many opportunities, but also many complications. The Internet turned us into a multiple-choice society. You can have A, B, C, D… or all of them online. It’s so easy to flirt left and right online with hundreds of men/women at the same time. In my opinion, this killed the purity of dating and love. Instead of searching for “The One and Only,” now online it’s all about dating and sleeping with “more and more”… or sadly even “ALL.”

My friend Gloria once destroyed a new relationship due to WhatsApp, because she did not know how the program functions. She met a guy at a party in Sachsenhausen. He was a rocker with a dirty attitude. Just a nasty man who believed that he must sleep with all of the women in Frankfurt before he died. Actually she luckily saved herself by killing this relationship, but that’s a whole other story. For now we shall only look at the mechanics of how technology killed this fake love. Gloria is a WhatsApp junkie. It’s the oxygen she breathes and the digital food she eats to stay alive. After meeting this creep, she started her usual “WhatsApp Romance” with him. They would communicate only online. I asked her why she doesn’t call him, and she said that if he wants to reach her, “he” should call. After they met a few times, Claudia fell for this idiot. She always complained that it took him too long to answer. She saw that he is online and typing something, but no text appeared on her screen. This happened a few times, so she accused him of being online and writing to “someone” else. He said that he was writing to her the entire time, but didn’t send the messages because he wanted to write something nice, so he kept rewriting his messages. I told Claudia that it is true. If she saw beside his name “typing”, then he was actually writing to her. She can’t see if he writes to someone else. She was devastated, shocked and angry with herself. She tried to save the new relationships, but it was too late. He accused her of being crazy and controlling… and all because of digital communication.

Thankfully there is a solution to this depersonalization and mass confusion. Instead of sending your loved one a text message, pick up the phone and call. You get to hear their voice, feel the emotions in their laughter, and share a few minutes of your day with them. If you have something important to say, try to do it with a call, or even better by talking to the person face-to-face. This will increase personal courage and strength of character. I have a new rule for myself (I am also guilty of using WhatsApp & Co.): if I feel that I have more courage to write to someone – which is the “easy” way out – then I wait to meet with them and say what’s on my heart in person. Sometimes It’s easier to say certain things or make confrontations electronically, instead of face-to-face. This takes courage away from people, and reduces empathy. Another thing that I would recommend, which I had to learn the hard way, is please do not have discussions with your partner via written words like sms, emails, Facebook, WhatsApp, etc. This will only make things worse because no emotions can be read. Meet them personally and work things out. Do not send angry messages on your phone. You will only hurt yourself in the process. Technology kills love. Of course we are busy, and do not always have time. In such cases texting helps, but nonetheless, let’s try to keep a more personal contact to the people that are important to us. I am also guilty of this sometimes, and will start now. It’s possible to save our relationships by being more personal. Let’s not hide behind our technology and have the audacity to face the people we care about. After all, a real kiss can only happen when you look your lover directly in the eye… and not via FaceTime.

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Photo by Uwe M carl of the Carl & Friends Agency
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Did a cheater break your heart?
Did a cheater break your heart? 1200 400 Galia Brener

Like I always say, love is a bitch. She mysteriously appears out of no where, forces herself into your nicely balanced life, punches you in the face until you are drunk enough not to know anything anymore and makes you helplessly addicted to her high. Unfortunately this bitch also has the habit of disappearing, leaving you with a half-beating shattered heart, and a painful anxiety that you would not even wish upon the devil himself. This is a very serious issue and I will be quite harsh in this article. It’s about survival and the necessity to heal and move on.

 

A few months ago, I met up with the girls for a delicious Sunday brunch. The door to the restaurant opened, and Jilli walked in, looking very upset. Her eyes were swollen, and she looked like she was about to collapse at any second. I felt my heart skip a beat because I knew something was very wrong. She looked up at us, her beautiful turquoise eyes filled with tears, and said, “We broke up.” I almost spilled my hot coffee allover myself. Jilli and her now “ex” boyfriend were our example that true love really does exist. My sunny-side up eggs arrived, but I couldn’t eat them. I took a bite and felt the egg sticking to my throat. I asked her what happened. This question made Jilli’s tears roll violently down her face, and she told us that he cheated on her in the cruelest way. It was emotional and psychological cheating. (Maybe even physical cheating, but she didn’t know for sure, because he was a liar!) He was chatting to other women on WhatsApp. He was also sending photo albums and writing love letters to his ex – saying what a good couple they still were, how much he missed her, was thinking about her and even crying because of these memories! He wrote the cheating letter a few hours before entering Jilli’s bed and having sex with her! He didn’t tell Jilli about this, he kept it a dark secret. How sick and cruel!

 

How could this person betray such a special love? She was ready to marry him and have his children. If the ex wouldn’t forward Jilli this email, she would never know that she was living with a betraying cheater! He had a long disgusting history of cheating. Actually he cheated on all his girlfriends, but Jilli thought that with her it would be different. She was terribly wrong! When Jilli confronted him about the cheating, he played the sick helpless victim role, saying how much he loved her, promising her lies in the air that he will never do it again, that he wants to marry her and she’s the only one for him! He even involved her mother, her best friend and his mother in his sick games! Blah, blah, blah, he said the same lying shit to his exes before. He said that he learned from his mistake, yet he did the same thing to Jilli! He said an emotional situation in the family made him write this email. Pathetic excuse! So what would happen now? Every time he had an emotional situation in his life, Jilli should be afraid that he would cheat on her again? She doesn’t need a weak man without a backbone! A snake doesn’t change its personality. I told Jilli, “Once a cheater, always a cheater!”

 

She asked me what to do, because she knows my story from many years ago. I’ve had my heart brutally destroyed once as well. Like Jilli, I thought that my world was demolished, and what I loved was being ripped out of my body alive. Months went by, and the pain did not subside. One day while crying in the kitchen, something strange happened; for a millisecond, I felt deep inside myself that if I wont finally deal with this crap, it will deal with me – in a very bad way. Constant painful emotions can lead to physical illness. The hard truth is that nobody needs a sick person. This brought out the fear, and self-protection in me, and I finally woke up. I entered survival-mode.

 

How did I heal my broken heart? I started loving myself more than I loved him. That’s it. That’s the trick. What does this mean? It means that soulmate or not, you have to take all the love you have for him, and turn it upon yourself, because you must survive this terror. You have no other choice, because if you don’t switch survival-mode on, this pain might destroy you. I have seen people turning to angry bitter monsters because of broken hearts. I have even heard of people falling into deep helpless depressions and not coming out of it for years! Is that what you want? To be stuck in hell for years obsessing about some jerk that cheated and doesn’t deserve you? That’s abandonment and betrayal and such a person is not entitled to your love – you are the one who deserves your love now!

 

Loving yourself more means living for yourself. Take the first few months to be selfish by doing what you want and when you want it. Your friends and family will understand if you explain to them. Learn to say “No” to others. Loving yourself is also controlling yourself – your thoughts and emotions. As soon as you think of how you miss him, counteract the thought with a thought of a bad thing that he did to you. Remember the bad stuff? It was not only rainbows. Loving yourself is being strong! You can cry for some weeks, but one day you have to get up, find your courage and start respecting yourself again. Loving yourself means fighting for yourself to become happy again. It means not letting yourself sink in the misery of your negative and depressive feelings. If he was weak and didn’t fight for you, doesn’t mean that you also have to be weak and not fight for yourself. If you have a dog or a child, would you allow someone to hurt them, while standing and watching? No! You would jump in, and save them from this evil. Well, imagine yourself jumping in and saving yourself. That’s what you have to do now, save yourself.

 

Life is too damn short to cry over idiots who take us for granted, cheat on us, don’t appreciate us and actually do not even deserve us. Never ever give your power away by letting someone bring you down so low, that you cannot feel “happiness” anymore. How the hell does he still deserve love from you after hurting you like that? He doesn’t deserve it and never will again. You deserve your own love now! ♥

 

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Can you live without Love?
Can you live without Love? 1200 400 Galia Brener

You can’t live with her you can’t live without her. Sometimes you even compromise yourself, your beliefs, your morals and values – in order to have this thing in your life. Her name is Love, and she is a ruthless, egoistic maniac, who will show you what living is all about. She will make the blood rush in your peaceful veins, the adrenalin pump through your guts, and she will even cause your heart to hurt, and almost burst out of your body. But despite all of the ups and downs, the pain and sorrows, good and bad moments, we still yearn for this bittersweet Lady Love to come knocking on our door.

 

My friend Heather was telling me about her long lost love. They were together for 8 years. I still do not have a clue how they made it together for so long – that can only be explained due to magic! Those two are complete opposites of each other. He is serious and conservative, and she is a party queen that can disappear for three days in a row, and come back with stories about meeting the devil himself! They are two squares that make a circle together. They both suffered and enjoyed so much in this relationship – so many makeups and breakups. Slamming doors, tears, screaming, arguing, makeup sex, passion, understanding, romance, miscommunication, desire, fights, compliments, insults, blame and support. They couldn’t live without each other. The love was far from perfect, but so intense! Unfortunately the love came to an end when one of them cheated and a child was made. Heather still speaks of him with tears in her eyes. She told me that she will never forgot him until she dies. Sad. How could it be that something so strong and intense simply breaks in half?

 

We live in a society where giving up is easier than ordering a stinky anchovies pizza. We have to fight for our Lady Love because believe me, if we wont, there will be someone else out there who will gladly give her what she needs, and then she’s gone! That’s life. Things get taken for granted. One day it’s an earth-shattering love, and the next day your best friend is moving into a villa together with your ex husband – whom you still love, but don’t admit. Don’t be a fool, open your heart and tell them that you still love them. You never know… you might save that special love, or otherwise regret it your entire life! Heather regrets it until this day that she had the chance to save her love, but her ego wouldn’t allow her to do so.

 

If love is really such a bitch, than why do we come back for more? Because we are human, and humans were not made to be alone. You can ask the biggest player in his sad, weak moment, and even he will tell you that he wants to have a big love. Unfortunately in the last decades, love was made to appear as something cheesy, for the ultra sappy. It’s totally insane, but being a single, successful, good-looking, strong and not-so-emotional woman these days is considered “cooler” than being a women ridiculously in love – who sends sweet messages to her partner, talks about him all the time with big glittery in-love eyes and draws hearts beside him name. Since when did love get such a negative weak reputation?

 

I know a woman who does this to me – behind my back. Every time I speak to my man in a sweet and loving tone, she turns around and pretends to put her fingers in her throat. Then she says, “Oh Galia, get over it, this is so cheesy. Wake up from your annoying pink bubble, because you are making us puke. It’s all fake!” Eventually I have learned to just look at her and laugh. Poor girl. Where is this reaction coming from – Jealousy? Bitterness? Loneliness? Lack of goodness and purity in her heart? Who the hell knows! Love is a bitch to everyone – but if she can’t get up after being shot down by Lady Love (like all of us), then she will definitely fry in her dark pan like a raw chewy octopus for years to come.

 

Love is a bitch. She gets us all. Some are scared of Lady Love, some run after her, but never catch her. Some try to avoid her, and ironically get thrown into her arms. There is no way of avoiding this mysterious Lady. After we have been beaten by Love, we have two choices: 1. We crawl into our shell and not let anyone hurt us ever again – meaning that we never experience love again! 2. Or we crawl out of our shell – after properly licking our wounds, and try to ride Lady Love again. Do you really want to miss out on the excitement of which freaks you shall meet next? The Freakazoid fun is so priceless! I’m kidding. But on a more serious note, it’s definitely worth trying to find your true love again, even if you have been incredibly hurt in the past. Maybe next time you shall get lucky and meet “The One”? I believe that only the ones with faith will get a true taste of Lady Love. It’s like Russian roulette. Love is a bitch, but we all need her in our lives. She is addictive. She is magical, unforgettable… and she’s coming to get you!

 

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Are you dating a bad person… again?
Are you dating a bad person… again? 803 1200 Galia Brener

Have you ever thought, “Oh great, the same shit and asshole again!” Do you keep on meeting guys that end up playing and hurting you? Or do you meet women that use you, or cheat on you? Do you sometime feel that the world has ran out of good people to date, and you are left with the broken, damaged crap that no one else wants? Many of us experience the same dating catastrophes over and over again! However, is it really the fact that all the good ones are taken already, or have we simply not learned from our past mistakes? Perhaps the problem lies within us and not them – especially if we experience the same issues with different people!

 

My friend Heather started dating a new guy three months ago. Everything was going so perfectly at the beginning. He was writing and calling her daily, spending lots of time with her, adored and gave her many compliments, and invited her to romantic dates. She was on cloud nine, and felt that her life couldn’t get any better. The third month came along, and the same familiar arguments and fights started. She said, “Gali, I can’t believe that he turned on me like that! It was so amazing, and now the same nightmare started again like with my ex!” Similar issues and disagreements came up. She felt like she was reliving the same bad horror show, but with a different man! Again the same lack of attention and affection, less calls and contact, the same disrespect and the same distancing started to happen. She felt her man slip slowly away through her fingers, and she couldn’t hold onto him any longer.

 

Unfortunately the hardest part is the realization that we are the common denominator in all of our relationships. Either we choose the wrong people to date, or we make the same mistakes over and over again. If you realize that you always have bad issues with partners, then it’s time to take a serious look within yourself, because it might be something that we are doing wrong and not them.

 

It’s crucial to examine the mistakes you made in your past relationships. For example, were you often jealous with not much reason, or got stuck onto words said without much thought? Did you often walk with your ego a meter ahead of you, and defended yourself like in a war at every argument? Or were you not sympathetic enough to your partner? Were you too clingy, or simply not attentive enough? Did you evoke unnecessary drama or often felt insulted? Were you a good listener? Did you cheat on your love? Were there ridiculous expectations or assumptions? This is a very hard trying to do, but try to examine where you made your mistakes in the past and what could have been avoided. We all had situations where we could have let go of small things, avoiding arguments and making it easier to keep the peace – but our selfish egos wouldn’t let us do that. These are all small things that add up and kill relationships. If you experience the same dating problems over and over again – then these are the exact issues that you didn’t learn from in the past. Don’t worry we all had these experiences, you are not alone.

 

However it might not always be the “big” mistakes stated above. Your mistake might be that you are simply choosing the wrong person again and again. We usually have a certain “type” of person that we are attracted to. Whether the appearance or the personality, we subconsciously go for the same one. You must test the waters for new possibilities. Don’t get stuck on the same pattern, because it’s obvious that it didn’t work out the last few times, so give yourself a break from this approach. Go to new unfamiliar places that different people frequent. You might be pleasantly surprised by the witty art lover, or the stiff banker – who might not be that stiff after all! What about the sporty type or the hobby cook at the kleinmarkthalle? Explore new terrains.

 

I came to the important realization that if I want to have a happy and healthy relationship, then I must learn from my past mistakes. That’s the only way of avoiding having the same crap follow me again and again. With every dating experience there must be some sort of evolution. You get to know yourself better in various situations and improve yourself. With my own experiences and what I see with my friends, I can honestly tell you that if you don’t learn from the past, you will not get any further, even with a new love – the same shit will happen again and again! What really helped me is to work on my behavior. I did my best to become a better version of myself. Then I opened up my eyes and started choosing different men. I broke my pattern and it really worked! Remember, you cannot get new results if you do and choose the same thing over and over.

 

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On-Off Relationship Horror
On-Off Relationship Horror 1200 400 Galia Brener

It was a rainy Sunday, and I was enjoying a delicious breakfast with my girlfriends at a cute French pastry shop in downtown Frankfurt. The girls were sipping their Cappuccinos, and eating croissants with fruits. I was the only one who had croissants, additionally to my large plate of soft French cheeses, eggs, marmalade, and a pain au chocolat to top it all off. Did I mention that this was my second breakfast?

 

As I was busy scooping the cheese into my mouth, I was listening to Heather’s story about her “Sir Crazy”. They have been together for about three years. Some months were spent happy with plenty of adventures, cuddling and laughter. The months in between were dark and bitter, like my coffee, which needed an urgent dose of sugar. Heather told us that with Sir Crazy, the highs were very high and she felt like a queen beside him. He adored her and wanted to spend every waking moment with her. They had deep, intense, bonding conversations until the morning hours. She said that they had a unique spiritual bond. She felt that he was her soulmate.

 

However, the lows were excruciatingly low! He would suddenly change towards her. Almost as if becoming a completely different person. During these phases, he was cold, distant and careless towards Heather, and this caused her tremendous grief. It felt like he was tearing her heart out of her body, cutting it in half with rusty scissors, throwing both pieces on the dirty floor and stepping on them until they turn into a bloody paste. In other words, he was killing her inside. She could not understand how can someone that is so close to her, suddenly become a stranger? He would go for days not calling her. Ignoring her existence. Then suddenly contact her, apologizing with tears in his eyes, saying how stupid and sorry he was. So of course, she would run back to him, wanting the highs again. This happened again and again. There was no stability. No reassurance. No security. No peace in this love. It was a never-ending dream. But more precisely, it was a never-ending nightmare.

 

I was listening to Heather, trying to chew and swallow my Brie without chocking on it. Why go back to someone that hurts you so much – over and over again! Why engage in such torturous emotional sadomasochism? Heather said that their sex life was the best she ever had. She never experienced such Earth-shattering orgasms before. He was like a drug to her. Sir Crazy knew how to blind her with his fake good behavior, which kept her inside this sick game. He was an emotional vampire. He sucked out her energy, goodness, strength and light. Leaving her weak and drained every time he was finished with her.

 

There is a well-known Russian proverb, “In a quarrel, leave room for reconciliation.” I am always a believer in fighting for a relationship. However, with On-Off relationships, I believe in the “1-Chance-Dance” rule. Maybe 2 chances if he’s some special Prince Charming or an alien, but usually the “1-Chance-Dance” is enough. In movies and books, on-off relationships are seen as something romantic, but in real life, they cause extreme pain and suffering.

 

Why do we still hold on? Why do we try 3, 5 or 10 times again? Do we secretly enjoy the pain? After all, pain is a much stronger and deeper emotion than happiness. Did we get used to them, and do not want to be single again? Do we fear that we wont find anyone better? Or do we stay because we simply love them so much? (Ask yourself: How can you love someone so much that causes you such pain again and again?) Most likely things do not get better.

 

After the initial breakup, my advice is: 1. Figure out for yourself if you miss your partner, or are you happier without them? 2. If you are happier without them, then Hallelujah for you! Go out and flirt your sexy bum off. You deserve some fun after the torture! However, if you miss her/him like crazy, then you must try giving it the “1-Chance-Dance!” and get back together. 3. Once you get back together, chose a night where you are both relaxed, drink a delicious bottle of wine, and talk about everything! What bothered you, what would you like to change in the future. Be open to communication! 4. You must also step over your ego and accept criticism where you were wrong. Both must try to work on themselves in the future to make the relationship better. This is the hardest part! 5. If you succeed, then congratulations! This process can only be achieved if the love is real on both sides! If the same problems start again, then one or both did not make sufficient effort to improve the relationship – and most likely, you/they never will. In this case, run as far away as you can, and don’t look back.

 

The only way to escape such a relationship is to stay away from this torturous person. Zero contact is the only way. The best solution is to occupy yourself and meet with friends and family. What works well is to go out on dates and meet new people. This will give you a super confidence boost and keep your mind off the devil. Believe me, as time goes by, the feeling and pain will start to fade away, and you wont be coming back to get hurt anymore. So love yourself and be strong. Remember, it’s better to be single than to be together with the wrong person who causes you so much pain and suffering!

 

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Deal with your shit!
Deal with your shit! 1354 437 Galia Brener

Wouldn’t is be so nice to run away from all of your problems and pretend they simply don’t exist? Or imagine making a beautiful black wooden box, filling it up with all of your problems, and then burying it somewhere in the woods, or maybe even burning the box – and POOF, like magic – your problems are gone? Dream on. Unless you deal head on with your problems, they will not disappear. In fact, if you ignore or push them away, they will sneak up on you and hunt you down when you least expect it!

My very good friend Tony is experiencing this problem right now. He and his ex girlfriend broke up about half a year ago. She was and always will be his only true love. He told me many times that she is his soul mate, and he could always be himself only around her. He often told her “I feel at home with you, and you are my family.” She never judged him, and always supported his goals and path in life. He was able to let the child in him out around her, and he felt truly loved and understood only by her. To make a long story short, they broke up for reasons I cannot mention. For him it was like a huge piece of his heart was ripped out of his body, and he was hurting very deeply after the breakup. For her the pain was even more intense. However, both dealt with it in completely different ways. She cried her heart out for months, did lots of sports, got into amazing shape, developed her new business and worked out through the emotional stress and pain. She paid respect to herself, him and the relationship, and didn’t jump onto the next best man to ease her pain. She stayed alone and dealt with the breakup!

Tony on the other hand, did the complete opposite. He couldn’t deal with the pain and being alone, so he jumped onto the “third best” thing. We were all shocked to see whom he chose after his beautiful ex! The new older lady presents him with financial stability, and he is simply “comfortable” using the situation and “parking” with her. There is no deep passion running through his veins, and no blood pumping in his heart, which drives Tony crazy with love – and the sex is not that special either. His pain was masked over at first, but after some months, he found himself thinking more and more about his ex, and missing her a lot! The new lady feels that he still loves his ex, and this drives her crazy! Tony misses his true love, her touch, her smile and scent. He misses her caresses, the passionate kisses, the fun quirky character, the long talks about life and everything else on the planet. She is unlike any other women he ever knew! True love cannot just “disappear” or be substituted by some third-best option. They have been through a lot together, and such a strong bond cannot be easily replaced. I told him, had he dealt with his shit the right way, none of this would be happening. I have pity for her because it hurts very much to know that he will never love her even close to as much as he loves his ex. The new older lady tries to hang onto him with her claws and teeth… but he is slipping away.

“Working out our shit” is not only connected to love problems, but also with everyday life occurrences. For example, if you have a debt to pay out, bills, something hurts you and you haven’t checked it out at the doctor yet, you had a fight with your best friend, get a new job, lose weight, your car sounds strange, or that thing you’ve been meaning to do for years now, finish your taxes, get rid of a phobia, stop smoking or drinking, or whatever it is you need to do and have been pushing away to the side! If you don’t deal with your problems the right way, they will only cause you extreme stress and anxiety. They will sit and eat away at your brain, creating one stressful worry after another! The only way to stop this madness is to get up, take action, and solve your issues! “Action” is the only way to attack and solve problems. The most amazing thing is that once you find your power and courage to simply start, the solution will slowly come to you in the process as well. However, this will only happen if you are willing to take the first step, and take action.

Ladies and gentlemen the best advice I can give you, after falling down myself a few times is: No matter how tough things seem to be, take the first step of action. It’s ok to take baby steps at first, but it’s important to start and not drag things out! Do not burry the pain or hide the problems for a later time, find your courage and deal with your shit ASAP, or else your shit will deal with you! If it deals with you, it may bring with it health issues, stress, illness, anxiety or even paranoia. Life is a bitch, and we must all deal with our own given dosage of shit. So unless we find the courage to take action, we will be left swept aside as “victims” of our problems. And trust me, you don’t want to be a poor victim in life. Pity is handed out for free, and jealousy must be earned!

Run away from the Narcissist!
Run away from the Narcissist! 1354 437 Galia Brener

Ladies and gentlemen, there is a certain predator among us. He’s the charming, funny one trying to win over your friends with his false charm, making them think he’s the best guy in the world! Or she’s that seemingly sweet girl that smiles like a sunshine and later sucks your energy and money faster than you can say, “What the fu…?” Beware of this deceiving type of person, because they are good at hiding their true face! By the time you find out who they really are, it’s too late because their tentacles are deep in your heart, and the damage is done.

My close friend Jilli was dating such a narcissist for almost two years. At the beginning it was really like Heaven on Earth. They were inseparable, and spent every minute they had together. She was madly in love with him, and convinced that Leo was her best friend and soulmate. However, he painfully betrayed her the first time by leaving her in her weakest moment, when she needed her best friend the most. But he crawled back, and she forgave him. Then he “seemed” caring and loving again, but things started changing. Jilli took off her rose-tinted glasses and realized that Leo was not the man who he initially presented himself to be. He started showing his true colors, which included being extremely selfish and egoistic. He was verbally, emotionally and physically abusive, as well as very moody and unbalanced. He was short-tempered, and unloaded his daily frustrations on her. The meaner he was to her, the more Jilli gave love and attention to him, trying to make him happy and kind again. But the more she gave, the worse he became towards her. She realized that the sweet and caring Leo was only a figment of her imagination, and did not exist! One day after sending her out of bed, and letting his dog takeover her spot in bed, Jilli decided that Leo will not hurt her anymore! She left him, and he quickly moved onto the next victim. Narcissists will even take second-best leftovers to date after a breakup, because they are weak and can never be alone.

There is a mental disorder called “Narcissistic Personality Disorder” or NPD, and it’s a very serious problem. Please stay away from these people at all costs, because they will end up damaging you! Here are the main points to see if you’re dating a narcissist:

1. They need admiration and attention all the time! This person is usually quite insecure and fishes for compliments a lot. They are also suckers for flattery.

2. Arrogant and haughty. S/he can be very mean and rude without any reason.

3. They believe that they are special, privileged and simply better than the rest of the world, giving them a grandiose feeling of superiority and self-importance.

4. They lack empathy, and are unable to identify with the needs and feelings of others. They need your emotions to feed their inflated ego!

5. Envious of others, and have the intense feeling that others are envious of them.

6. Have the constant sick desire for unlimited power and success.

7. Always look what their advantage in any relationship/friendship is.

8. They have a need to always be in control of themselves and others.

9. They think that they are always right, and know everything. While the others have no clue and are not intelligent as they are, making them intolerant to the views of others.

10. They laugh and make jokes about others so that they feel better about themselves.

11. When it gets tough, they leave. They won’t stay with you during a tough phase when you need their help. This also includes when you are sick. If you need help, the attention is taken away from them and given to you. This makes them not in the center of attention anymore, so they leave.

12. Excessively charming. Too much and too soon. They desperately try to impress you and your friends so much that it seems too good to be true – and it is. It’s not genuine. They project their “False-Self”, which is everything they are not!

Narcissists do not seek therapy because they don’t believe that they have a problem. Since they think they are the best, why would they need therapy? Of course most of them do not realize how much damage they are causing themselves and others. The biggest problem is that they are not good at producing their own emotions, so they need yours to live on! What’s even worse is that they feed on both positive and negative emotions, which is their ego food, or known as their “Narcissistic Supply” – much like the supply or fix a junkie needs to stay high. Their feeding on negative emotions will drain you of your energy, positivity, happiness and hope! They are insatiable, and always need more of your emotions to live on. In my opinion, they are disgusting parasites that feed on good people. Just a friendly warning from my personal experience, if you ever meet a narcissist, run very far away from them – it will save your life!

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