dating

Keep your woman happy!
Keep your woman happy! 1354 437 Galia Brener

Dear gentlemen, this article is for you. All women want a man that will make an effort to romance them – long after the butterfly phase is over. Getting the women might seem to you like the biggest task in the dating game, however that is only a tiny part of the battle won. The real challenge is not getting the woman, but actually keeping her! I’m sure you are sitting with your eyebrow raised and a smirk on your face now, but don’t worry, it’s not as hard as you think – you don’t need to be Hercules or a millionaire to succeed at this. Yes I know that women also have to do nice stuff for you, but this article is just about us, and what you can do to keep us happy and satisfied by your side.

Let’s compare this to your car that you love so damn much. Imagine you get your dream car – it’s so fast, shiny and new! Every time you see it, a wave of happiness rushes through your body, and you can’t get your eyes off your new baby! Driving your new car is one of the best feelings in world, and flying in it on the highway gives you such an incredible high. A year goes by, and you notice a few dents here and there. The new car smell has long evaporated, the leather interior is not so pristine anymore, and the rims have scratches on them. Your car is slowly getting older, but it’s still your baby, and you will take care of it, right? With every 10,000 km you lovingly pat her on the steering wheel, and thank her for being so good to you. Even if she gets very old, and is now considered an old-timer, you wont just leave her to rust. Much like beautiful cars, women need care and attention as well. If you don’t invest time and effort into taking care of the things you love, you will lose them. When they’re gone you will realize what you had, unfortunately a little too late, and end up with: a lost love and a broken car.

1. Respect and appreciation: Tell her that you’re proud that she is your girl! When she tells you something that’s important to her, be a good listener, and make an effort to understand her. In return, share things about yourself, like your hopes and dreams. Ask for her advice in various situations, so she sees that you respect her and her opinion. Take responsibility for the words that come out of your mouth, and be more tolerant and calm. Once in a while, it’s ok to back down in arguments. Praise her for the good things she does, her talents and skills. Allow her to be herself, and appreciate her uniqueness and special qualities. Never forget to be a gentleman and open the door for her, walk on the outside of the sidewalk, help her with her coat and seat. Be the strong man that is there to protect her no matter what happens, and the one she can rely and lean on. Assure her that you have plans for your future together, and that you are not simply having your fun and using her. Show that you are not afraid of commitment and responsibility, and are financially secure to take care of your future family.

2. Attention: Enjoy spending time with her, and make her a priority. Let her feel that she is important for you, and that she comes first, and not last on your list. It’s ok to make her feel like a princess with your love and attention. Say that you love her more often, and don’t forget the compliments! Just a simple, “You are so beautiful” works very well. Give her emotional security, and be her best friend. Show her attention by writing a text message during the day that you’re thinking of her. Try to sometimes include her with your guy friends when going out, and say something nice about her in front of your friends. This shows that you are proud to have her by your side.

3. Make love, not war: Take the time out of your busy schedule to make love, and also have wild passionate sex. Women need physical reassurance as well, which shows that you are still attracted to her! Don’t forget that foreplay is very important for women to make them hot and ready. Always have time for cuddling and kissing. In general, try to kiss her more often! Come up and slowly kiss the back of her neck while hugging her from behind. It’s always good to plant some unexpected kisses when walking by her. Be romantic, and give her a nice full body massage. Sex is very important to keep the fire going in your relationship, so get creative!

4. Empathy and compassion: Be there for her when she needs it the most, especially during the difficult times. Show that you care about her sorrows, and help her in hard and stressful situations. It’s also important to be helpful and sympathetic if she’s sick – even if you think her illness is not severe, be there for her anyways. Make (or buy) her chicken soup and serve it to her in bed with a funny smile. In general, try to be as patient as you can with her, and don’t hesitate to apologize if you do something wrong. Show your sincerity, kindness, and make her laugh.

5. Gifts and surprises: Get into the habit of bringing her flowers for no special reason. Put her favorite chocolate bar in her bag, and hide a cute teddy bear under her blanket. Invite her on spontaneous unplanned romantic weekend trips. Even if you don’t like a movie, or foreign city/vacation place that she does, take her there because she’s your woman, and you want to please her. Invite her somewhere new for a romantic dinner, and be creative with your choices. Gifts are not only for birthdays and Christmas, so listen when she tells you about things she wants, and surprise her from time to time by getting her something special. It must not be expensive, but it has to come from the heart!

I know I have listed a lot of things to do, but take your time and do it because you want to, and not because you have to. Actions and deeds speak louder than words. Always remember to never take your woman for granted. If you are not good to her, she will eventually leave, and another man will be very willing to make her happy! Relationships are not always easy, and love can be a real bitch, but if you figure out the formula to make her happy, believe me, she will give you even more in return. Making your woman feel special is not so difficult, and a bit more effort on your part will get you ahead (and even head ;-) and keep your woman feeling very happy!

Get him with a smile!
Get him with a smile! 1354 437 Galia Brener

It’s a proven fact that people want to be happy, and therefore they gravitate towards other happy people. I hear many women complaining that when they go out, they hardly ever meet anyone – and this coming from attractive and successful women! Why is that? What are they doing wrong? Well ladies, it’s not just about looking fabulous and wearing your best dress and shoes when going out. The best accessory you must always wear – is actually the one you were born with, and is part of your natural beauty – your smile! Body language is more important than you may think it is. You can have the most luxurious outfit on, long beautiful flowing hair and the nicest make – but without a genuine smile and happiness in your eyes, forget about meeting potential partners. Sour and bitter are the flavors of the past. Welcome 2014, the sweet year of happiness, love and beautiful smiles!

During the holidays, my friend Jilli went out with the girls and they decided to make an experiment. They started the evening off at their favorite bar in Frankfurt, The Parlour. Jilli was chosen as the “Smiling-Happy-Goddess”, Gloria as the “Too-Cool-For-You-Bitch” and Claudia as the “Sad-Little-Cookie-Help-Me-Girl”. The experiment was to see which attitude-style would have a better chance to meet someone. All three of them looked drop-dead gorgeous this evening. They sat at the bar exactly in the middle of the room, to see and be seen. The bartender made them delicious signature Parlour drinks, and so the experiment began! Shortly later, two tall handsome men arrived and sat beside them. The dark-haired one looked at Jilli a few times, and she returned his glance with a smile. She kept talking to the girls, telling them a story with a lot of action, laughing out loud, with her hands swinging everywhere. She glanced back at the guy and flashed him another warm smile, and his attention was immediately on her. The man introduced himself to Jilli, and they had a very nice conversation. He also gave her a compliment on her beautiful bright smile. It worked! Since this was a serious experiment for the sake of dating research, the girls stayed strictly in their roles. The second guy attempted to talk to Gloria, but after a few minutes, the conversation went nowhere. She did not smile at all, and had to stay cold and expressionless in her role. Meanwhile, Claudia continued looking sad and distant, and no man approached her.

The ladies were having a really fun evening, and decided to take their experiment to a party. Jilli dragged the ladies onto the dance floor, and the test continued. Claudia spotted a group of guys and made eye contact. However it was not kindly returned, because her sad eyes did the opposite and repelled the men away. Next came Gloria with her killer-cool-bored-look, but also with nothing in return. Then Jilli beamed her gorgeous open smile, and within minutes the gentlemen were dancing closer to them. After a few more songs, more eye-catching looks and warm smiles, the birthday boy came over, and offered Jilli a drink. Obviously the experiment worked, so the girls gave up their rolls and decided to join in on the fun. Almost immediately one of the guys in the group told Claudia that she looks much better with a smile upon her face! Again a proven fact – happiness attracts people. All three girls had a really wonderful evening and came home wearing three very beautiful, and happy smiles. One of them really likes the guy she met that night, and has been in touch with him ever since!

Many women are negatively influenced by the media, fashion and beauty industry. However, the facial expressions they see and unconsciously copy from the magazines and TV are definitely not open, warm or sincere. They copy the mimic of runway models or action hero actresses, and they end up looking cold, expressionless, bored and simply “Too cool for you”. Many glossy magazines advise women to walk around with a cool aloof facial expression, and not appear to care too much. They call this the “hard to get” appearance, which should attract men. Unfortunately exactly the opposite happens, and this does not attract men at all. As a matter of fact, it scares most men off! I asked a few of my male friends, and they all said they would never approach a woman that looks arrogant, bored, cold or distant.

Another important fact is what seems like “obvious” flirting for us women, is really not enough for men to get the point that we are interested. If you go up to a man and ask for the time, or a lighter and quickly walk away after, he will not get it. Men do not understand those subtle signs of attention. You need to be a bit more direct by making obvious eye contact, and flash him that seductive irresistible smile of yours. If you do that a few times, while keeping your eyes locked with his longer and longer each time, then he will get the point. I know it’s 2014, but I am still old-fashioned, and believe in men approaching the women. You are a Lady, so let him come to you first. In order for him to feel confident in doing this, give him the direct signs that you are interested in him. Please do not overdo it with the smiling, so he doesn’t think that you have a nervous tic. Avoid looking bitchy, mean, aggravated, cold, arrogant and bored. Please no runway-killer-too-cool-for-you look either. Be open and approachable, calm and happy, but definitely not too easy or desperate looking. Try to find the successful balance of easy-going and being open for new contacts. After all, men are hunters, so let them do the hunting and feel proud for finding such a wonderful catch, such a fabulous, amazing woman – you! Good luck, have fun, and don’t forget to smile!

Who pays the bill?
Who pays the bill? 1354 437 Galia Brener

We live in a time of emancipation, where the women are becoming men, and the helpless men are getting in touch with their feminine side. Great! It’s a real dream come true… not. Since the roles are slowly reversing, and women have begun to grow balls, I sit here and wonder, who pays the bill? I’m still a firm believer in the old fashioned way. I adore the courting, the romance and that vision of a strong, loyal and loving man who you can rely on through thick and thin. I have heard many women say that they can do everything on their own, and don’t need a man to pay for them because they don’t want to owe anyone anything. Maybe it’s time to stop this bitter degradation, and allow men to be men, and women to be women again?

This week I went to the Christmas market in Frankfurt with a good girlfriend of mine. She’s a charming woman, and a great flirt, so I knew it will be a fun evening. The cold winter air, the enormous Christmas tree covered in flickering lights, and the magical carousel made it seem like we were part of a fairytale! We decided to start off the evening with a glass of warm apple wine, to keep up our Frankfurt winter tradition. By the time the drinks were paid and I turned around, my man-magnet friend was already talking to three guys. They were a loud group, but very friendly and funny. Of course the conversation turned to men and women, and then the topic came up, who pays the bill? The handsome one said that the man should pay on the first date. The grouchy cocky one said that the woman should pay, and the crazy loud one said, who cares who pays, as long as they end up in bed! Interesting how men love to gossip about this stuff just as much as woman do.

After screaming around for a bit and showing some mucho admiration, the guys have decided that: the man should pay for the first date, but there should be an effort from the woman to reach into her wallet and offer to chip something in. They even re-enacted a scene for us, as if the bill came and the woman “pretends” to reach for her wallet. I watched them, amused beyond belief. I asked them, “What happens when the bill comes and the woman doesn’t “fake-reach-her-wallet”, but sincerely says thank you instead?” Is it just about the searching-for-the-wallet-move that the men are looking for? But if they genuinely want to treat the lady, why need the fake-wallet-search? After all, a date is a date, or have things changed that much in the lasts years? The Christmas guys had no answer for this.

A male acquaintance of mine, let’s call him Two-F, says that the worst kind of women are the “No-thank-you” ones. He doesn’t mean the ones that always say no, but rather the ones that never say thank you. He once met a woman at a street fest, and they seemed to click, so he invited her to a nice restaurant after the fest. They had a delicious meal, and when he paid, she just shot him a half empty-hearted smile and got up. He found that to be strange because she didn’t even say thank you. She asked if he wants to grab a drink at a bar before going home, and he agreed. They spent two more hours at the bar talking about life, and their adventures. When the bill came, she simply turned around and pretended to look at something beside their table. Two-F paid the bill, and they left the bar. On the way out, the woman looked totally bored, and of course did not bother to thank him for the drinks. Two-F didn’t mind to pay the bill the entire evening, but the smallest gesture of saying “thank you” would have been appreciated. They exchanged numbers and he went home. He never called her again, and after a few months, they bumped into each other at a party. She asked why he never called, and he simply smiled and told her that she’s a spoiled bitch.

So who should actually pay the bloody bill? If a man is interested in the woman that he is meeting, then he should pay for the bill on the first date and see how it goes. Think of it as a small investment. This might after all be the woman of your dreams, and it’s part of the gentleman’s code. Most women rationalize that if the man pays, then he is taking somewhat of a responsibility, and honors her company. To her it also means that he is a generous, established man, and might be ready for something more than a one-time flirt. Besides, it’s a very nice and old-fashioned gesture that is appreciated by the right women. Ladies, I so often hear you complaining that men are becoming weaker and have lost the gentleman’s touch, so here is a perfect chance to let the men be men again! Allow them to treat you to a nice dinner, and show them your appreciation.

Appreciation is the key! Ladies, please lose your balls, and don’t feel patronized if your date offers to pay for you. Accept his kind offer with a warm smile and thank him. It’s that easy! Men want to be kind to us, and make us feel special, but sometimes we don’t allow them this, and take their power away. Then additionally we get frustrated and complain that they don’t treat us well, but how could they if we don’t give them the chance to? This does not mean that the man must always pay, but if he feels that he wants to invite you, allow him to be a gentleman. To show appreciation, be the next one to invite him to a nice dinner. It’s very important to return the gesture and treat him to something nice as well. Life is all about giving and taking. Usually men do not expect a huge gesture of you kissing their feet in return for them paying the bill, but a warm, kind and sincere “thank you” really goes a long way! So gentlemen, bring back proper old-fashioned dating, and treat that special lady to an unforgettable evening, and feel free to pay the bill.

Shall we flirt?
Shall we flirt? 1354 437 Galia Brener

I like to observe people all around me. Last week I was on the train, and saw a pretty young lady sitting not too far away from me. As the train reached the Frankfurt main station, a handsome man walked in and sat down across from her. I was somewhat excited, because I felt that I will get a nice article inspiration from this scenario, and I did! Flirting varies from person to person. Some are simply born with the talent to flirt and charm, some feel awkward doing it, some think it’s cheap, while others are flirt-o-holics, and cannot live without it. So what’s the secret to flirting, and how is it done in a classy way with best results?

Back to my train-spying-romance-story. I looked closely at the woman, and noticed that her eyes brightened when she saw him. She straightened her posture, and tried to make herself more alluring to him. He didn’t notice a thing. She glanced at him, and looked away. The ride was quite long, so she did that many times, but the guy still had no clue. After a few more attempts, she gave up her subtleness and just stared shamelessly at him. She arched her back, placed a half smile on her lips, and looked fiercely into his eyes without blinking! She seemed hungry, like in a cannibal-cloud-nine-bath-salts kind of way. I was watching them, entertained out of my mind – who needs a movie when you have freak shows all over the city? She tried to bat her eyelashes at him – but instead of being sexy, it looked like she was trying to blink her own eyelid away, opening her eyes wider each time. The guy was squirming very uncomfortably in his seat by now. Eventually her “flirting” scared the hell out of him, and he got up and walked quickly away. So ladies and gentlemen, now that we know the wrong way to flirt, let’s see how we can do it better.

1. The eye contact: This is the most important aspect of the flirt-system! What usually works for me is first a quick glace in his direction. If he’s into me, he will look back. If not… “Next!” To hell with him. If he sends you a glance back, lock eyes and look away. Continue doing that for a few times, each time locking eyes for longer periods of time. I wouldn’t recommend looking over too often. Besides, you will feel and see if he’s interested or not.

2. The smile: After the eye contact, comes your time to shine – beam him with a warm and welcoming smile, but please don’t overdo it. We don’t want to come across as psychopaths – a.k.a. – Train Girl. A genuine smile is the sexiest thing and guy or girl can wear, because it shows happiness. Happy people are very attractive. As with the first step, look and smile a few times. If s/he smiles back, you’re in! If not, don’t waste your time because they are most likely not interested.

3. The approach: This one is more for the guys. I’m a bit of an old fashioned nerd, and don’t approach men first. I feel that if I have sent out the right signals, topped it off with a warm lovely smile, and if he’s interested, he will approach me. Here comes the best part gentlemen – all you have to do is walk over, smile and say hello. Offer her a drink, and introduce yourself. No pick up lines, no playing too cool, no wise guy remarks. Just be sincere, warm and friendly. It’s really as easy as that. If this doesn’t work, then move on.

4. Body language: Do not cross your arms when talking to him/her. Do not lean away from the person, and instead, lean towards them in the conversation. What works is to imitate their body language in a nice way, and don’t hold out on the smiles. Don’t act too serious, and be open and relaxed. Make sure you have a good posture and don’t slouch.

5. Be charming: Ask him or her questions, and show that you are interested in what they have to say – but don’t fake it. Be genuine, and only show interest if it’s there. When talking, a gentle touch on the arm, or a playful push and laugh is always a nice way to create subtle closeness. Don’t brag about how great your career is, or how cool your friends think you are. No one likes show-offs. Respect the other person, and show your good manners. An honest compliment is also great. Everyone likes to hear something nice about themselves, but don’t get too personal right away.

6. Most important – Lower your expectations: If you meet someone that you really like, do not start dreaming right away that this could be the one, and put pressure on yourself. Men and women smell this neediness, and this is not the impression you want to leave. So if it goes well, exchange numbers and take it from there. I highly recommended going slow at the beginning.

Flirting is a nice way to increase your self-esteem and confirm to yourself that you are attractive to others. It’s a way of saying to yourself, “I still have the touch.” Flirting is great for getting to know someone who has caught your eye, and improving your communication skills. It’s also a great energy booster, and puts you in a positive mood. However, if someone is clearly not responding to your flirting, accept that they are not that into you and walk away. Don’t continue, thinking that they are simply playing hard to get. You will see and feel when it’s not working out. Not everyone is meant to be for everyone – that would be too boring. Your turn will come. Do not let anyone bring you down, and have faith that you deserve true love, and know that you will have it. Know your worth, and always respect yourself. When you do, so will others! Go out and enjoy a nice evening of flirting. So what do you think, shall we flirt?

GB Flirt School 2012
GB Flirt School 2012 800 1158 Galia Brener

Journal Frankfurt – 21.12.2012

The first GB Flirt School event at the Frankfurt Christmas market in December 2012.

5 chosen winners accompanied me to the Christmas Market last winter. I gave them hands-on live lessons about flirting, making eye-contact, starting conversations, avoiding shyness, etc. 4 lucky ladies went  home that evening with a phone number, and had lovely dates the following week. All in all, it was lots of fun, and a huge success! :-)

Journal_21.12_low_res

 

Xmas_Market_Dec_12.2012_1

Xmas_Market_Dec_12.2012_2

Xmas_Market_Dec_12.2012_3

Xmas_Market_Dec_12.2012_4

Xmas_Market_Dec_12.2012_5

www.facebook.com/yesnomaybegalia

Keep the Faith!
Keep the Faith! 1354 437 Galia Brener

You just came, or shall I say ‘ran’ home from a date that you do not even want to admit that happened. How did you escape? Did you suddenly remember your great grandmother’s 130th birthday party, which actually starts in one hour, and “Oh no!” you left the birthday present: pet-monkey-in-a-box, underneath the seat of the U4? Or did you pull off the brave “force-yourself-out-of-the-restaurant-bathroom-window” getaway, not caring about the thorny rose bushes below? The main thing is that you got out of there fast, alive, and without a trace – of course not counting the bloody scratches from the roses. Anything, just not to enduring another hour with the date you’ve realized is actually an alien in a dress, or suit and tie. After all, how bad can flying through glass windows really be? I’m sure you will need this talent eventually some day, so consider it good practice for other insane situations. Congratulations! You have escaped the date from hell. You get home to your comfortable couch and think, “Do I ever want to go through that again?” It’s not just about the dates, but also the relationships, and even marriages. It’s about going through those awful experiences, which you never wish to repeat again, yet still miraculously being able to keep the faith in true love! Can you do that; keep the faith?

My best friend Jilli dated a guy last year. Let’s call him “C”. Last December they flew to Paris, to spend a beautiful weekend together. After all, isn’t Paris supposed to be the most romantic city in the world? On Saturday night, they went to Silencio, which is an astoundingly beautiful and mysterious nightclub, designed by David Lynch. The first drinks were ordered, and they went to dance. After some time, C went to get more drinks. 30 minutes have passed… then 1 hour, and he was nowhere to be seen. Jilli became concerned and went to search for him. She found C at the dark bar, with a woman on each side, hugging, laughing and drinking together. In front of them were numerous empty shot glasses and drinks. C had forgotten about her, and seemed to be having a wonderful time with these females. Instead of freaking out, Jilli approached the bar, turned her back to him and introduced herself to the women. After a few shared jokes, Jilli took over their attention, and the ladies had completely forgot about C’s existence. C was dumbly confused at how such a switch could suddenly happen?

While Jilli appeared to be laughing with the ladies, inside, her heart was shattering into a million pieces. Why the hell did she fly to Paris with him? Definitely not to stand alone in a dark club and watch him flirt with and touch other women in front of her face! What the hell was wrong with this imbecile?! She wanted to cry and scream at him; she was hurt and so damn disappointed. But instead, she went back to their hotel, packed her bag, and took the first flight back home alone to Frankfurt. It turned out that C is a suffering entity that keeps looking for the next adventure in order to feel at least half-alive. He sold his young company for multi-million Euros a few years back, and somehow lost touch with reality. Inside, he is extremely lonely, and suffers deeply because he cannot differentiate between which people are around him for his money, or because of him as a person. This is his curse, and therefore, he will never be able to find true love. The sad thing is that Jilli did not see this at the beginning, because he masked his rotten heart with convincing smiles, sweet words and promises. Jilli had true intentions for him, but got extremely hurt in the process. After time had passed, Jilli heard that C still treats all women like worthless pieces of dirt, even though some good ones have crossed his path. His regrets shall come later, when he is old and all alone.

What was Jilli supposed to do after this horror weekend? Give up on men, never go on dates anymore, or give up hope of finding true love? (Same goes the other way around for men in such situations). I believe that you never really know why something is happening, as it’s happening to you. The real reason becomes clear sometime later. In such situations, there are only two things that can be done. First is to have strong and unconditional faith; that good things will come to you when the time is right. What’s also important, is to believe that you deserve this goodness! This strong unrelenting faith is what shall keep you going. This is not easy, but it’s the only way to survive in this harsh dating world. The second choice is to lose faith in the goodness in people, and give up. Once this happens, deep sadness and bitterness sets in, and that’s when the downward spiral begins. It’s quite a dangerous path. However, I personally believe that this is a life lesson, and as strangely as it sounds, may even be a test – to see how much one really believes in and deserves true love. Giving up is the easiest path. It’s actually the strongest individuals who love beyond all imperfections, cry behind closed doors, and fight heartbreaking battles.

Jilli was upset for the following few months. She was angry at herself for falling into such a painful trap. The ego was hurt. But as time passed and grievances were forgotten, the heart still longed to meet a special person, and find true love. Little did Jilli know that one year after the catastrophic time with C, due to her unconditional faith in finding love – especially after such sick experiences – she will be together with her soul mate in Frankfurt, and finally have true love!

The point of this story is that Jilli did not give up, as tempting as it was. Let’s be realistic, we have all had our fair share of absurd dating situations, disappointments, failure of expectations and cruel intentions. But must we give these people the power to discourage and turn us into bitter non-believers? Best is to gather your strength, sense of survival, and not allow such people and situations to damage you. If you have been knocked down, get up, dust yourself off, find the courage and faith within yourself, and continue – knowing that you deserve better! True love really does exist, but you must believe in it.

www.facebook.com/yesnomaybegalia

Not So Casual Sex
Not So Casual Sex 1354 437 Galia Brener

We live in a time where dating different partners is as easy as owning many pairs of shoes. Whenever a newer, sought-after style comes out, we quickly forget the open-toe of last year, and run to the shops to buy the horrible sneakers with an integrated wedge heel. As soon as these monstrosities go out of style, there will surely come something newer, shinier, and prettier… but does that automatically make it better? Just like we change and throw out our shoes, our society has made it acceptable to do the same with partners that we date and sleep with. What happened that this became a “made-for-one-time-use-only” disposable generation? Like a multiple test in school: A, B, C, D, “all, or none” of the above, do we live in a multiple-choice society?

Jules and I went for a Bloody Mary at Vai Vai last week. She told me that she met a nice guy at the super cool Rockmarket party in Frankfurt. That evening they had a long chat about life, relationships, philosophy, and other fascinating topics. After the party, they kept in touch, and have decided to meet again. They had a wonderful evening of delicious food and drinks, and ended up going to his place. This mystery man was mesmerized by Jules, kissing her all the way up the stairs to his flat. They laughed, shared some private jokes, and had passionate sex into the early morning hours. After waking up, they had some coffee, and she left. A week has passed, and Jules is still waiting for him to call. Meanwhile, our mystery man has disappeared. For him, it was just casual sex. For her, it was not so casual.

Casual Sex: how do you feel the next morning, after the glittery glamorous butterfly effects of the alcohol has worn off, the make-up is smeared all over the face, the person you shared your body with is sleeping on the other end of the bed, back turned to you, and you feel… empty. The heart wants more. It wants to be hugged, caressed, loved, cuddled and be assured that the world is a beautiful and bright place to live in. But reality strikes when you open your eyes the next morning, and see the look in the other’s face, the looks that says without words, “Please leave my flat, I do not want to deal with you in my bed now… or ever.” That’s the look that makes you get dressed as quickly as possible, leave the scene of the crime, take the torturous walk of shame home, and try to forget that this ever happened. Do we really ever forget these events? Or do they haunt and torture us, taking with them a small piece of our soul, leaving a tiny empty hole.

Then again, there are some that simply love sex. They adore the exploration of the body, having a thrilling night of passion and seduction, without any strings attached. Why settle down for one, when there can be a new one as often as wanted? Instead of one grotesque wedge heeled-sneaker, you can have 10 in all different colors and styles! It’s casual sex between two consenting adults. Let’s take Samantha from Sex and the City as an example. She was a beautiful, successful, independent woman that enjoyed having casual sex. She was completely happy and satisfied with the many sexual variations in her life… and then came Smith. Once true love entered the scene, all variety was forgotten. Even Samantha, the lover of many lovers, gave into being with only one man, the man that won over her heart.

Expectation management: Casual sex is ok, as long as you can live with a non-guilty conscience of the consequences that follow. It has been observed that women are more likely to want more from a man after a night spent together, whereas for some men, it is simply casual sex. However, this is not to say that the roles cannot be reversed. But usually, women connect on an emotional level, whereas men tend to connect on a physical level. Is it possible to avoid getting hurt by discussing future expectations before getting into bed? Or is it a mood-killer?

What must be avoided, due to the sheer respect for a fellow human being, is leading someone on, with false expectations and illusions. This reminds me of a story that my friend Claudia told me once. Two years ago, she dated someone for a few weeks. Let’s call him “Cutlery-Man”. This summer she saw him at a street fest in the city. They had a warm reunion and went to her house for a delicious glass of Barolo, and a heart-to-heart conversation. He showered her with promises of a beautiful future together. She was looking into his bright blue eyes, charmed with every word that came out of his mouth. She figured that since they knew each other from the past, he would not lie to her. She gave into his hypnotic tales of a fraudulent life, and made love the entire night. Little did she know, he had not put on a condom as promised, and as he coldly left her flat the next morning, she rushed to her doctor to get the morning after pill. She was nauseous and sick all day, not only due to this awful strong pill, but also from his irresponsibility, and cruel carelessness. It dawned upon her, that his intentions were never true. He disgustingly lied his way into a night of casual sex with her. He did not even care about the damage this pill made to her body and soul. “Cutlery-Man” is a Frankfurt banker that came from a rural area. He is an empty walking shell of a man that has lost his happiness and joy for life. His selfishness possibly stems from the fact that he never got the proper love he needed at home, and therefore, he became a bitter man, a ghost. A week later, Claudia found out that Cutlery-Man has been calling and trying to sleep with a girlfriend of hers as well, knowing that both girls knew each other!

Saying all of the above, there have been times where casual sex has led to true love. I even know a couple that started dating, and got engaged shortly after. Fairytales do come true. Fate is a marvelous thing that can surprise you at the strangest of times! Be good, kind, fair, honest, respectful to yourself and others, and good things will come to you.

www.facebook.com/yesnomaybegalia

Start Typing
Privacy / Datenschutz Preferences 

When you visit our website, it may store information through your browser from specific services, usually in the form of cookies. Here you can change your Privacy preferences. It is worth noting that blocking some types of cookies may impact your experience on our website and the services we are able to offer.

Click to enable/disable Google Fonts.
Click to enable/disable Google Maps.
Click to enable/disable video embeds.
 
See our Privacy Policy / Datenschutz here: www.galiabrener.com/privacy-policy-datenschutz
Our website uses cookies, mainly from 3rd party services. Define your Privacy Preferences and/or agree to our use of cookies.