Galia Brener

(A note to my German readers: in English slang, the word “Bitch” means “Zicke” – but not only in a negative way. She’s a strong, independent woman that knows what she wants in life!)

You pass a couple on the street… and there we go again! A mousy or bitchy girl with a fantastic guy! You wonder what the hell is she doing right that you are doing wrong? You think to yourself, why don’t men like the good, honest, kind and sweet girls? Why do the bitches get all the good guys? If you ask men, most will say that they do not like bitches, and want the good girls. If this is really true, then why do most of the good girls end up with a broken heart?

This reminds me of a story Jilli told me about a very successful, well-known Frankfurt businessman. They dated for about a month. When they met, she wasn’t sure if he was right for her. She decided to get to know him better. At the beginning, he was crazy about her. He was calling and writing her all the time, sending her flowers, and romancing her. As the weeks passed, she was slowly starting to fall for him. The crazy thing was that as soon as she started showing him more affection, it pushed him away and he became colder. One evening, he was supposed to pick her up for a dinner date at 8pm. It was already 9pm. 3 hours later she still didn’t hear anything form him! She was worried sick that something happened. She called him a few times but his phone was turned off. At 1am he called saying that he had to stay longer at work. The sad thing is that Jilli’s friend saw him that same evening sitting intimately at a bar with a girl, who happens to be notorious in Frankfurt for her bitchiness and superficiality!

So what does this mean? Must you become a bitch from hell to get a man? No. Stay lovely and fabulous as you are. I am not one for playing games, but there are a few things you can do to bring out your “sweet-bitchy-strong” feminine side. Most importantly, know your own self-worth. If you treat yourself with dignity, pride and respect, so will he. Guaranteed! Good men notice such things and like when women respect and take care of themselves.

Feel free to be a tiny bit bitchy and tell him when you do not agree with his opinion. Show your intellectual side. However, don’t disagree on purpose just to contradict him, that’s simply childish. Disagree when you think you can show him another good point of view. He will welcome the challenge and find it refreshing that you stand up for what you believe in. Stimulate his mind! Some make the mistake of agreeing with everything the guy says in order to seem easy-going and agreeable. No. Hell no. You have your own mind and opinion to realize when he is wrong. Compromising is good, but don’t allow him to break you. You have no time to waste with Dorian Gray who is in love with himself; and himself only!

Girls, I know we have hormones that run wild at times. But please, do not overreact too quickly and lose your temper. Do not create unnecessary dramas or scenes. In a disagreement, stay calm, cool and collected. Men shut down as soon as they hear the first scream. You are a lady. You don’t raise your voice or freak out. You are a strong woman above this. Try this method of calm discussion and see how impressed he will be. You will get your point across better this way.

Don’t act desperately, even if you’re crazy about him. Don’t call him a hundred times. Don’t be afraid to lose him. Fear is our big enemy! Let him try to reach you, and make the effort to romance you. Some women make it too easy for a guy, so he doesn’t even have the chance to pursue them. Let him be a gentleman and do what he must to charm you. If he likes you, believe me, he will try to do everything to impress you. If not, he is simply not that into you, or he is a coward, which is even worse! Then you definitely do not need him! Don’t overflow him with too much love and attention too fast. This will suffocate you both. And worse of all, you will fall in love, and he might not turn out to be the nice, warm, decent man you thought he is. Take it slower in the beginning and give yourself time to get to know him.

A new hair cut, high heels to make the legs look longer, make up, etc. are a bonus, but not the main things that make you strong and confident. This comes from who you are as a person and a woman! You should feel fabulous without makeup, in old leggings and sneakers (the ones without that grotesque heel please!). Make an experiment: on your next date with him, go with a ponytail, your glasses on, a pair of old jeans and a dab of natural lip gloss. If he doesn’t go crazy for you in this form, he doesn’t deserve you. Never tolerate disrespect! Most likely, he will like you like this even better than made up. Silly men! They prefer sneakers to beautiful Louboutins? Astoundingly yes, they do. How mundane, but that’s why we love those strange creatures so much.

Last but not least, don’t be fully dependent on him. No matter how close the two of you get, have your own life and be your own person. Do your job properly, have your hobbies and meet your girls regularly. Your true friends have always been there, and will always be there for you. Do not forget them, even thought you want to spend every spare minute with your sweetheart. I made this mistake once, and noticed how it backfired. Keep your life as a confident strong woman. Don’t drop everything just for him. Men are sometimes like animals (sorry guys). They love a healthy challenge, and go crazy after something that they cannot completely possess. I am not saying to play hard to get, but please do keep your own life, identity, and be a tiny bit more mysterious. Show him your morals, values and depth. Show him that you have a lovely life full of happiness and wonderful things. This way, he will feel proud and privileged to be a part of it!

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Are you ready to find that strange addictive drug everyone is gossiping about, called “Love”? But where do you go? Just a little friendly warning, your dream partner will not be dropped from the heavens above into your living room. You must be truly emotionally open for it, and leave your flat once in a while. Couch surfing will not bring you closer to your mermaid.

I will start with my favorite thing in the entire Universe: Food. Honestly, who does not love an exotic meal, with unique smells and tastes they never tried before? Food unites people, especially those who truly enjoy it! The Kleinmarkthalle in Frankfurt on Saturdays is perfect because you can browse the aisles filled with delicious fresh food and handsome men. These fellows actually attempt to cook, and are not scared to burn down their flat. That’s 2 bonus points for bravery! Have a coffee in the market, it’s a perfect place to see and be seen. I would also recommend taking a cooking class with a good chef. You can meet someone nice with a similar hobby, and maybe make you own “Crème Brûlée” together at home, if you know what I mean! You can also try art, photography, language, music, dance, and acting classes.

A grocery store is full of opportunities. Best time to go is after work, around 7 – 8pm. Accidently drop your bacon on his foot, or let him reach for a bottle of wine on a top shelf for you. Even if you can reach it yourself, ask him for his help. Men like to feel needed, and will be glad to help you. Then start a casual conversation about wines, white or red, which country you prefer best, etc. Don’t forget to show your pretty smile. Nothing is sexier than an authentic, warm, friendly smile!

After all this eating, you must burn off the calories. Where? At the gym, golf course, or yoga class. I personally prefer Kung Fu, because I love action, and sparring with men is really fun. You get to punch, kick, and see how the sexual tension rises! If you see someone you like at the gym, make eye contact with him/her. Do that several times, and in the last few times, smile sweetly and look away. Men are hunters in their nature, so allow them to make the first move, and effort to get you. Be sweet, open and friendly, but don’t overdo it. Let them be the ones to charm you! Also, do not underestimate a nice jog, or walk in the park with your dog.

After all this physical activity, it’s time to rest and visit a nice bookstore. Sit on a couch and browse through the book you want to buy, or maybe have a coffee and muffin at the bookstore café. Women: go to the cars and sport sections of the bookstore. Men: go to the cooking, gardening, etc. sections. You never know who you will lock your eyes with there! Art, travel, photography, design, architecture, fashion, etc. are also wonderful areas at a bookstore to meet interesting people. Maybe try to finally fix up your home and go to a hardware store. You will find many big steel hammers there… go and have fun!

After fixing your home and reading the books, it’s time to put on your favorite outfit and go out with your friends. Nice neighborhood cafés, bars and lounges are always good. Ask the sexy man standing beside you at the bar what he is drinking, because you want to try something new. Give him a warm smile and say thanks. If he’s into you, he will continue the conversation. If not, it means that he might be taken, shy or is not into you. If he is shy, try to make eye contact a few more times, and see how he responds. Smile at him so that he sees that you are into him. This will help him work up the courage to talk to you. Men and women need reassurance. It’s normal to be scared of rejection. There is nothing wrong in showing someone “subtly” that you are interested in them. Try to attend private house parties with friends. It’s great meeting friends of friends, because you know that you will most likely meet nice quality people.

Special events like wine or whiskey tasting are fabulous to meet your new love. You can taste delicious new brands, ask questions, laugh and truly enjoy yourself. Go to an old-timer car event with your brother, and meet new men. Or take your best buddy and go on a ski holiday. You are assured to bump into some fun people on the slopes or at the Après-ski bars and resort areas. This will be a guaranteed amazing time, and will give you a chance to bond with your friend.

This might sound old-fashioned, but a church, synagogue, etc. are great places to meet someone who is serious, and is looking for a life partner, rather than a few nights of wild fun. Community service, like helping the homeless is also wonderful, and good for your karma! Art exhibitions, museums and galleries are excellent for meeting someone interesting. Talk about the crazy painting that’s in front of you, and try to make each other laugh by describing the silly things you interpret in it. Flirt and enjoy yourself. If things flow smoothly, go for a coffee afterwards.

Remember dear boys and girls, if s/he does not flirt back, it’s not the end of the world. There are so many wonderful places to go to and lovely people to meet. The partner that is meant to be for you will enter your life when you least expect it! Do not be sad if it does not happen very soon. Everything happens in the right time and place. Give it some time, and enjoy your single life. Then one day, you will bump into him on the street, or at a boat party, and you’ll know he’s the one. You will see! Be happy and exude positivity! Happiness attracts happy people.

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Living in a time, which is already considered the “future”, we are surrounded by high-tech gadgets, and artificial intelligence, yet the one thing that still confuses mankind, is the concept of true love. The big problem is that people tend to blame society and others, but do they actually look deeper within themselves to figure out what their own flaws are? No wonder the aliens have not arrived yet, the silly humans can’t even deal with their own crap, let alone ET.

Do you have the guts to look at yourself and admit any of this: Do you always like to be right, and win an argument? Do you always want to be in control? Is your opinion always the right one, because you think you know better? Do you let your emotions control you, and create dramas or scenes? Do you make a big deal out of small things? Do you like to argue? Is it hard for you to compromise? Do you protect yourself too much? Do you think people want to hurt you? Do you feel that people don’t understand you? Do you have strong hurts from the past that you are still holding onto? Are you still attached to your ex long after the relationship is over? Do you lose your temper often? Do you get angry fast? Are you hard to get along with? Do you take people for granted? Do you get offended or hurt easily by what people say? Do you have a weak character? Are you too sensitive, or not sensitive enough? Are you greedy? Are you selfish and egoistic? Do you use people? Do you play with people’s feelings? Do you speak bad about and hurt others? Do you only take and not give back? Do you overanalyze situations too much? Are you a pessimist? Are you jealous? You must be extremely honest with yourself and see where your problem is, otherwise you will never be truly happy. I will be open to you dear readers and say that at least three of the above used to affect me. One day I decided to be brutally honest with myself, and stop this torture. My own foolish behavior was killing me. I decided to work on myself to become a better person, and give true love a chance to find me and enrich my life.

No one is born perfect, but you must improve yourself in order to deserve true love! Life is about learning and growing. I call it self-evolution. Be yourself without being afraid that your “true self” will scare your partner away. Open yourself to giving and receiving from others. Take care of yourself. Work on your self-esteem. When a man sees/feels that a woman respects and treats herself well, he will in return respect and treat her with kindness and care! When you are happy, he will be happy too!

Look back at all your relationships and figure out the pattern. Where have you been wrong? What could you have done better? Learn from your mistakes! Perhaps you have chosen the wrong partners? Do not date the same “types” anymore. Try meeting different people that you would not normally even pay attention to. Don’t concentrate too much on their appearance. Soften your body language and do not be too defensive, not everyone is out there to hurt you. Sorry girls, Superman is a myth. Your true love will not fly in through your bedroom window, so make an effort to go out and meet new people. Try the gym, bookstore, grocery store, café, bar, cooking school, oldtimer car event, art/music classes, galleries, museums, etc.

Open your heart to others and be surprised. I know this is one of the hardest things to do, especially if you have been hurt in the past! This takes a lot of strength and courage. Many people tend to become cynical and bitter after they have been hurt. However, only the strong can get up, dust themselves off and have the courage to open up to love again. Fact is: if you wont open up anymore, you will never have a chance to meet your true love. We have all been hurt, but would you rather be safe and stay alone, or take a chance and meet someone wonderful?

Surround yourself with positive people that are seeking out the goodness in life. We all have those friends that love to complain and gossip how awful men are, that they are all the same bastards and only want one thing from you. No, not all men are jerks that just want sex. Not all women are superficial and only run after the man’s wallets. Please try to stay away from such negative people and drama. These “friends” influence a thinking pattern that you are a victim to bad men/women that will only want to hurt you. Instead, surround yourself with happy, strong, positive and life-loving people, and they might even have a good friend to set you up with.

Desperation is the key to failure, hurt and pain. Even if you have been single for years, do not date someone that is bad to you, just for the sake of being in a relationship. Be honest with yourself how good s/he is for you? Better single and happy, than with a partner that makes you feel miserable!

Communicate your needs, thoughts and feelings. S/he is most likely not a psychic. If something is bothering you, say it. Even if you think it’s embarrassing, say it. Do not be afraid to loose him/her. If it’s true love, you will not lose them. You will only gain their respect by being able to talk about and sharing your thoughts, opinions and problems. The trick to finding true love is by first working on yourself and making sure that you truly deserve it! It’s always easy to point fingers at others, but look at yourself first! Believe me, I have gone through this myself, once you face the truth and work on your flaws to become a better person, true love will find you. Remember my words. Good luck!

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