Monthly Archives :

March 2014

Learn from past dating mistakes!

Learn from past dating mistakes! 1354 437 Galia Brener

Have you ever thought, “Oh great, the same shit, and asshole again!” Do you keep on meeting guys that end up playing and hurting you? Or do you meet women that use you, or cheat on you? Do you sometime feel that the world has ran out of good people to date, and you are left with the broken, damaged crap that no one else wants? Many of us experience the same dating catastrophes over and over again. However, is it really the fact that all the good ones are taken already, or have we simply not learned from our past mistakes? Perhaps the problem lies in us, and not them – especially if we experience the same issues with different people!

My friend Claudia started dating a new guy three months ago. Everything was going so perfectly at the beginning. He was writing and calling her daily, spending lots of time with her, adored and gave her many compliments, and invited her to romantic dates. She was on cloud nine, and felt that her life couldn’t get any better. The third month came along, and the same familiar arguments and fights started. She said, “Gali, I can’t believe that he turned on me like that! It was so amazing, and now the same nightmare started again like with my ex!” Similar issues and disagreements came up. She felt like she was reliving the same bad horror show, but with a different man. The same jealousy attacks, the same lack of attention and affection, the same disrespect and the same distancing. She felt her man slip slowly away through her fingers, and she couldn’t hold onto him any longer. So I asked myself, is this one also really an asshole, or was Claudia simply repeating her mistakes again?

Unfortunately the hardest part is the realization that we are the common denominator in all of our relationships. Either we choose the wrong people to date, or we make the same mistakes over and over again. If you realize that you always have bad issues with partners, then it’s time to take a serious look within yourself, because it might be something that we are doing wrong and not them.

It’s crucial to examine the mistakes you made in your past relationships. For example, were you often jealous with not much reason, or got stuck onto words said without much thought? Did you often walk with your ego a meter ahead of you, and defended yourself like in a war at every argument? Or were you not sympathetic enough to your partner? Were you too clingy, or simply not attentive enough? Did you evoke unnecessary drama or often felt insulted? Were you a good listener? Did you cheat on your love? Were there ridiculous expectations or assumptions? This is a very hard trying to do, but try to examine where you made your mistakes in the past, and what could have been avoided. We all had situations where we could have let go of small things, avoiding arguments and making it easier to keep the peace – but our selfish egos wouldn’t let us do that. These are all small things that add up and kill relationships. If you experience dating problems over and over again – then these are the exact issues that you didn’t learn from in the past. Don’t worry we ALL have these experiences, but now you have the chance to look back, learn, and save your next relationship.

However it might not always be the “big” mistakes stated above. Your mistake might be that you are simply choosing the wrong person again and again. We usually have a certain “type” of person that we are attracted to. Whether the appearance or the personality, we subconsciously go for the same one. Test the waters for new possibilities. Don’t get stuck on the same cookie-cutter type, because it’s obvious that it didn’t work out the last few times, so give yourself a break from this approach. Go to new unfamiliar places that different people frequent. You might be pleasantly surprised by the witty art lover, or the stiff banker – who might not be that stiff after all! What about the sporty type or the hobby cook at the kleinmarkthalle? Explore new terrains.

I came to the important realization that if I want to have a happy and healthy relationship, then I must learn from the mistakes from my past. That’s the only way of avoiding having the same crap follow me again and again. With every dating experience there must be some sort of evolution. You get to know yourself better in various situations and improve yourself. With my own personal experiences and what I see with my friends, I can honestly tell you that if you don’t learn from the past, you will not get any further, even with a new love. My friends and I were appalled by the dating scene – always having similar stress and strange situations – until I consciously decided to work on myself and become a better “me”. We need to stop blaming the others and see how we ourselves can become better and not make the same mistakes again. Or simply open your eyes and start choosing better partners for yourself. I can tell you from my past that it really does work! Learn from your mistakes and evolve. Curious if it can work for you as well? Go ahead and give it a try ;-)

Do you think you’re beautiful?

Do you think you’re beautiful? 1354 437 Galia Brener

Last week I met my girls for a drink and we got into a heated discussion about appearances. 3 out of the 4 said that it matters what others think of their appearance, especially other women. If they get compliments, and other women think they look good, then they feel better about themselves. If they get a negative comment about their appearance, their mood drops, and their confidence is affected as well. We spent hours philosophizing about this, and the girls decided that it’s important what others think about their appearance. I do not agree about this conclusion. What if one doesn’t get complimented all the time, do they have to hang themself? No! You and only you decide about your own beauty, self-confidence and happiness.

Don’t forget than not everyone around us is automatically happy for us. Sometimes it will happen that people will criticize you on purpose, or say something negative simply to make you feel bad because they are jealous of you. It could also be that others have a completely different sense of what’s beautiful or not. And of course they’re own style might be completely the opposite of yours. So you can see the threat of relying on other people’s opinion about your appearance! I think it’s dangerous to put your happiness, which is your personal power, in other people’s hands. You are your own master, so please don’t let anyone steal your sunshine away from you.

I have a friend Lilia, and she’s the fashion beauty queen of her clique. When she goes out with her girls, she is always dressed to perfection. Perfect hair, precisely done makeup, exquisitely matched accessories, and always 12cm+ high heels. They always look like those gorgeous girls out of a Vogue photo shooting. But the strange thing is that they walk around like that during the day as well! Of course with lower heels, but still full makeup on. Last month Lilia and I met up for dinner. I asked that she comes casually dressed with very minimal makeup on. (I wanted to show her an important lesson). Of course as I expected she freaked out at first, but then agreed. We met outside the restaurant, and I was so surprised by her amazing natural beauty! As the evening progressed we drank some wine and she became more relaxed. I asked her why did she always make herself up like that? Wasn’t it excruciatingly exhausting to always try to be so perfect? She actually broke down and cried, and said that the pressure of society and her friends was unbearable.

She was expected to always look the prettiest and most perfect she can be. Actually deep inside of herself she hated it, and herself for keeping up with this charade. Lilia also said that otherwise men would pay less attention to her. Funny but as she was saying that, there was a young man at the next table looking intensely at her. As the evening progressed, Lilia came out of her uncomfortable shell, and was enjoying herself very much – just being her natural self! The two men at the table invited us for a drink. Lilia ended up meeting a wonderful guy, and enjoyed the best evening she has had in years! He even complimented on how natural her beauty was! If she were made up like her usual Barbie doll self, he would have not spoken to her. Ever since that evening, Lilia has really gotten back to her natural beautiful self, and feels happier and safer inside! I am so happy that she finally understood that happiness comes from within.

Let’s face it, you are the only one that can feel yourself from the inside. No one else in this Universe knows how it feels to be you from within – so you know best about how you look and feel from the inside out. The others can only see you from the outside. So actually their approval is only based on a superficial exterior level, which is actually not the most important thing. There is nothing wrong with getting a makeover, or changing your style, but do it for yourself and not for others! Society is such a bitch, and will not be there for you if you “fall off your heels”, so who cares about what they think? Do what’s best for you, and take care that you are happy and healthy. No one can insert happiness into your heart, and only you can make sure that you feel beautiful and wonderful. Girls do yourself a favor and don’t be influenced by anyone. Not a man, not your friends and no one else. Fuck what everyone thinks – to yourself you will always be beautiful exactly as you are, and you know it ♥

The best YOU.

The best YOU. 1354 437 Galia Brener

Have you ever noticed that different people bring out a different side of you? With one man you might act and feel like a sexy goddess, while with the other you’re the funniest comedian the world has ever seen. With the third one you might be the annoying nagging mother figure, and with the next man, you might be the silly little girl. It’s interesting how dating different people actually helps you to learn more about yourself, especially about what you want, and definitely don’t want. The most important thing after dating various people is to stay with the one that brings out the best in you!

Last week I was talking to my dear friend Ambrosia, who went through a very painful breakup half a year ago. Even though her ex was not the best guy for her, she was madly in love with him, and let him get away with bad behavior. He is what I call a “Male Drama Queen.” His actions and reactions to certain situations were insane, and of course this in return instigated crazy responses from her as well. Consider it an emotional chain reaction. Ambrosia was a victim to his bad moods and aggression, and this brought out the same in her, even though she is not the angry depressed type at all! Her ex was an energy vampire that sucked the positivity out of her whenever he had a bad day – which was quite often. He brought out the angry bitchy part of her, which she didn’t even know existed until they met!

Three month ago Ambrosia met a new man. With him, she was the cheeky comedian and the fun, unique girl. Gone was the angry bitchy woman from last year, and instead an easy going, adventurous and hilarious Ambrosia took her place. Her new boyfriend was giving her the attention and love that she so desperately lacked and needed from her ex. The new guy saw her as an equal, and not as a stupid little girl that had to be education. He cherished her, and made her feel like the only woman in the world for him. He praised her, gave her sweet compliments, kissed and touched her a lot, bought her flowers and simply adored her. Like she did him. He gave her a warm, light and happy feeling. She could be herself around him, and never felt like she was being judged. She enjoyed the Ambrosia that he brought out in her. The bold, funny, charming, beautiful and sophisticated Ambrosia was actually the characteristics she loved the most about herself.

Like with Ambrosia’s situation, the power is in your hands. You decide your own future, and what’s good for you. Make the right decision and chose your partner well. There is always a way of seeing quite quickly if this person brings out the best in you, or not. Try to look at these things:

1. Are you funny when you are with him? Does he bring out the best in your sense of humor?

2. Is she the kind of woman that gets offended or insulted easily? Which in return makes you feel the need to always explain/defend yourself, which eventually leads to being moody, irritated or annoyed? This is not good, because it sucks too much energy from you.

3. Does he make you feel sexy and wanted? Or does he not pay enough attention to you – which makes you feel insecure, needing to overdo on making yourself appear beautiful, and trying to get his attention?

4. If you fight does she bring you to the point where you get aggressive and loud, but usually you’re not like that at all? Do you have to defend yourself against her unnecessary accusations, which in return make you angry and miserable? Or does he bring out that mean bitch inside of you, which makes you bitter and sad afterwards? That’s all very bad for the emotions, and quite draining.

5. Do you feel like you’re his Mama, and you have to nag and run after him? Or are you both on the same level? Or does he often lecture you about how you should change, and do things to grow up, almost like your dad, and not your friend?

6. Are you cuddly and sweet to him, or colder and calculating – but usually are the complete opposite?

7. Do you pretend to be someone else around him/her, and are usually different with your friends? Do you try to impress them too much, buy appearing cool and mysterious, instead of being the warm, sweet and normal you?

8. Does she bring out the fun child in you – when you can be yourself, and have a good time together? Or does she judge your silliness?

I advise to see how your partner makes you feel, and be honest with yourself if s/he brings out your best side or not. I remember having a boyfriend once that tried to change me and my entire wardrobe, by telling me what to wear and what to get rid of. The day he bought me a brown grandmother-style sweater was the day I knew it would never work. Different people have different effects on us, and it’s crucial to choose a mate that inspires the peaceful, loving and caring side in us. Stay away from people who bring out your bitterness, cruelty or aggression – because this usually ends up with pain and illness. From my personal experience, I can say that the best is to gravitate to a partner who brings out the tranquil side of you – with whom you can enjoy spending time together, and not continuously have dramas and negativity around you. Life is short, so why be together with someone that brings out the evil twin in you? Choose well, it’s your future after all.

Don’t take your partner for granted!

Don’t take your partner for granted! 1354 437 Galia Brener

The weekend has arrived, and it’s finally time for some fun! You reserve a table at your favorite Italian restaurant, and make yourself pretty for your man. Unfortunately when you leave the house, he doesn’t say anything about how you look. Damn it, another wasted effort. You arrive at your table and order a bottle of wine. After your second glass, you see a couple entering the restaurant holding hands. The handsome man leads his special lady to the table, pulls back her chair and helps her with her coat. While waiting for your food to arrive, you observe them laughing in the most intimate way. After a few minutes the guy leans over, kisses her passionately on the lips, and takes her hand into his. You sigh, turn back to your man and ask, “Baby, why don’t you kiss me like that anymore?” He laughs and says, “Come on, these two have just started dating, can’t you see that?” When their champagne arrives, and you hear the man telling his woman, “Happy 7 year anniversary my love!” You sigh again – deeper and sadder this time. You realize that he is taking you for granted.

This reminds me of Claudia and her ex. When they first met, he was literally Prince Charming out of a fairytale. He took her out to dinner in beautiful places under the starry sky. He wrote her little romantic notes and hid them all over her flat. He would surprise her with flowers and chocolates. He would write her the sweetest good night/morning messages, which was the first thing she saw each day. In return, she also did many wonderful things for him. They were so happy, and it seemed like nothing else existed apart from their love for each other. As time went by, Claudia’s ex started to “get used” to having her around. He stopped giving her compliments, and noticing her effort to look good for him. The sex in their relationship disappeared almost completely, and on their anniversary he didn’t even bother to get her flowers. He took her more and more for granted each passing month. He didn’t pay her much attention, and was irritated when they talked. He was often in a bad mood, and took it out on her. This was extremely painful for Claudia, and she started to back away emotionally from him. Eventually they broke up and a wonderful man appeared in her life, which has been incredibly wonderful to her ever since. Her ex realized what a mistake he made, and tried desperately to get her back. Unfortunately it was too late, because he took her for granted and lost her. He still cannot forget her, because he now understands how much she truly loved him.

What does it mean to take your partner for granted? It means that one does not fully appreciate the other person for what they are, what they do for them, and what they bring into the relationship. It also means that one doesn’t notice the importance of the other, and doesn’t acknowledge the love being given to them. Basically it comes down to the fact that one partner doesn’t really value the other anymore. Unfortunately almost all of us are a bit guilty of taking our partner for granted, without always being aware of this! Think back to when you first met your love, and how amazing the first year was. Remember the fireworks in your stomach, and the way your heart skipped a beat when you thought of them? The more we forget this, the more our love is in danger of dying. It’s time to wake up, become aware, and fix the problem. How, you ask?

Thankfully this is easier to fix than you think! You can start right away by trying this out:

1. Telling her more often how beautiful she is. Or how handsome he is. Compliments in general are very good! Don’t be cheap on the nice words.
2. Buy her flowers more often. Do it for no reason at all, just to let her know you care.
3. Look into her eyes and tell her you love her more often. I promise that it won’t lose its meaning.
4. Don’t flirt, stare or look back at other women. That hurts!
5. Tell him how much you appreciate his help, and of course compliment him and his strength. Never forget “Please” and “Thank you”. Show that his efforts mean a lot to you.
6. No matter how busy you are, make time to spend together, and invite her out for dinner dates, just like when you first started dating.
7. Make as much time for sex as possible. When this is neglected, your partner automatically feels unwanted and unattractive.
8. Never stop the kissing! It’s not called the “French Kiss” for nothing. It keeps the passion going.
9. Pay attention to each other when speaking. Listen and help. Be there for your partner through ups and downs, by being their best friend!
10. Do not cheat. This is the beginning of the end.
11. Don’t just take from your partner, give back as well! Show your appreciation with deeds.
12. If she’s sick, be there for her. Be empathetic, understanding and caring.
13. If he has stress at work or with his family, lay him down on your lap and caress him. Sometimes a soothing massage is better than words. Show him you care about what’s going on in his life.
13. Have fun! Like in the beginning, go on spontaneous dates, trips, get drunk together and sing underneath the moon. Do something wild and mischievous together.
14. Don’t snap at each other, or use nasty tones. Control your temper, and show respect – especially while arguing. Do not take your bad mood or anger out on your partner.
15. Send her a short romantic SMS during the day. Leave a naughty post-it in his gym bag.
16. Get each other small gifts for no special reason – just to show your appreciation.
17. Do something that maybe you don’t necessarily like, but you know it pleases your partner – like going to the opera, or on a romantic hotel weekend.
18. Help each other with the housework. Sing or dance while doing it, its super fun!
19. Cook something delicious for him. A well-fed man is a happy man.
20. Give her enough attention! Women are like flowers – give them attention and they blossom!

Gentlemen don’t forgot that there are many wonderful men out there who would be more than glad to make your woman happy and give her what you don’t! Same goes the other way around for women. Take a few minutes and think when was the last time you did something from the 20 points above. I always say that it’s never too late to change and make your relationship better. If this love is special, then make sure you do all you can to keep it happy and healthy.

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