patience

Don’t fight, talk it out!

Don’t fight, talk it out! 1200 400 Galia Brener

Love is a wonderful thing, because it inspires one to be the best they can be. However, love alone is not enough to make a relationship successful. For this, love’s best friend, named “Communication” must come in and do its support work.

 

Unfortunately today, more people tend to break up, rather than fight for their love. It’s almost as if we are losing our energy and willpower to hold onto this concept. Giving it up and resting for a bit sounds like a real relief. “So what?” we think, surely the next one, or even a better one shall come along? However, that is not always the case. When did we lose our ability to open up our mouths and tell our partner what we need, feel and think?

 

An acquaintance of mine, lets call her Carla, is married to a national football player. When they first met, they were crazy about each other. They had wild passionate sex in every place imaginable! After a while, the sex went from everyday, to twice a week, and eventually twice a month. It was horrible, because Carla felt rejected and unattractive. This pushed her to do strange diets, which made her walk around constantly hungry and aggressive. Her self-esteem vanished and she even considered some unnecessary plastic surgery to make her husband hungry for her again! One day, we were having lunch, and I told her to sit down and talk to him like she was doing with me. I told her to pretend that he is just her friend and spill her guts out to him. Carla was horrified at this idea, thinking that he will use her honesty against her in some future argument, or that he will think that she is weak and pathetic. Finally she had the nerves to do this. After a bottle of Barolo, Carla opened up her heart to him. She told him things that she never told another living soul! She told him about her insecurity and fear of losing him. He was sure that she would have another hysterical fit like she always did, but this time she stayed calm. Her honest and relaxed way of speaking both surprised him and deeply touched his heart. He admitted to her that he was depressed because she always walked around the house angry and didn’t seem to notice him at all anymore. Plus she lost so much weight and he missed her curvier figure. Carla was so happy to hear this! At the end, both were suffering from the same reason. Lack of communication and honesty! Ever since that conversation, they have kept their communication lines open and are happier now than ever! They saved their love!

 

We have many reasons for lack of communication with our partners. Perhaps we are scared to lose them? Or don’t want to start a fight again and again? Or we feel that they wont understand us? For example, you two are going out for dinner and you make yourself beautiful. He comes home after a long day at work, gets ready for the dinner, and doesn’t comment on how amazing you look. You ask yourself, “Why doesn’t he compliment me anymore?” This makes you sad. You are quieter than usual, and he senses the tension between you. He asks what’s wrong, and you say…”Nothing.” Ladies, we have all been there. Maybe not in this exact situation, but we have all been guilty of saying, “Nothing is wrong”, when in reality, you want to hit him on the head with your purse, like those grandmothers in the classic movies! Wouldn’t it be nice if men were really as psychic as we wish them to be? In reality, they have no clue what the hell is going on in our heads when we say, “Nothing is wrong”, while we are boiling inside! Of course it’s easier to go and complain to our friends about him, but this will not solve the problem. Instead, take the situation into your hands, open your mouth and tell him what’s wrong.

 

With every misunderstanding and fight, you add “frustration drops” into an invisible bucket. Eventually it gets too full – meaning that all the crap adds up on top of the other until it eventually blows up into a huge argument – which may lead to a separation. I also made the experience that men simply shut down at displays of hysterics, screams, emotional outbursts, bitchiness and accusations. Pick a time when both of you are in a good mood and start the conversation in a calm and relaxed way. Do not do this directly after a fight, because both sides are still angry, and open communication will not work properly. Hurtful words will be said because that’s when the evil ego is at its strongest – waiting to defend itself and attack! Wait until the emotions and temper have cooled down.

 

Open your mouth and talk. Try to get over the stupid ego and open yourself up to your partner. If they truly love you, then they wont judge you. By the way, same rules apply for friendships, work situations, family, etc. Be the smart one and start a new way of open communication with the ones you love. It’s worth it! Besides, you will see what a huge relief it is to share your true thoughts, feeling and fears. Don’t fight… talk it out!

 

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Where is your true love?

Where is your true love? 1200 400 Galia Brener
It’s Saturday afternoon and you decide to spend some hard-earned money on a little treat for yourself. As you wander through the city, you can’t help but notice the couples everywhere. Every few meters you see them walking together, as if these annoying lovers are on a mission to show off in front of you today. The handholding, the smiles and whispers, the shared secrets, the kissing and the passion. Is it your imagination, or does it seem like everyone in the city is in love, except you? Damn it, where is s/he already? As you feel a tug on your heart the only way to fill that hole, at this very moment, is to make that “little” present for yourself. You end up coming home with expensive shoes, or a new exhaust pipe for your Harley. It makes you feel happy… but maybe for about a week.

 

There is a rumor going around about a mysterious lady called “Destiny”. Apparently they say that when she decides the time is right, she sends you love. Sometimes you must go through hell and suffering, while gaining life lessons to be prepared for true love. Other times you have a mission to accomplish before the right one comes. Either way, Madame Destiny calls the shots and therefore this tough bitch is not to be outsmarted. However, there is a way to make the waiting process easier. As hard as it is, it helps to stay busy and with a positive frame of mind. Regardless of what you went through in the past, and we have all gone through some evil crap, you cannot let that get you down. No matter what love tragedy happened to you before, never ever take it with you into the present and future. You must let the past go, or else it can destroy you, and leave you stuck in the bitter darkness. Bitterness and anger repels new good people away.

 

This reminds me of Natalia’s story. She had been single for years after her boyfriend left her. She thought that he was the love of her life, and they will get married and have a family. Unfortunately the fairytale died. Carrying a broken heart shattered in a million tiny pieces, she tried to find a new love for some years after, but without much luck. What I admire about Nat is that no matter how difficult her dating life was, she never gave up! She always said, “Gali, my time will come and I will also have true love.” Unbelievable to see how convinced she was, especially after such a devastating breakup. Her 40th birthday arrived, and at 12am, she raised her champagne glass and drank, “To love.” Natalia’s married friends felt sad for her. They couldn’t understand why and how such a wonderful woman was still single.

 

The next morning, hung over and depressed like hell from all the marriage talk, Natalia went to buy some food. She felt like what the cat dragged home last night, with messy hair and puffy eyes, wearing leggings and sneakers. She walked out of the dessert isle with a jar of strawberry jam in her hand, and all of a sudden, BAMM! Some guy bumped into her. She dropped the jar, and the jam splashed all over her shoes, her bag, and the floor looked like thick red blood was splattered all over it. “Jesus! Can’t you watch where the hell you’re………Oh…” She looked up and saw the guy smiling mischievously at her, with a cute guilty look on his face. Half of his jeans were covered in jam as well. They laughed, he apologized and invited her for dinner to make up for the sweet mess. One thing led to another, they got married, and Nat had her first child at 42. Amazing right? How did this happen you ask? Well, Natalia believed in love – against all odds!

 

What works is to be 100% assured that you deserve to be happily in love. You must be completely convinced that true love is out there and will soon be yours. Why the hell should these grey mice you see walking with amazing men, holding hands, have love and not you? If they find a partner, then so can you! Head up and stand tall, knowing that yours is coming too. You must have complete and unconditional faith. Not thinking, “Oh it’s been so long, I give up. I will never find love.” WRONG! Such thoughts will never ever attract love in your direction. Lady Destiny doesn’t like when people feel negative like this. If you don’t feel that you deserve love, then why should it come to you? Change your thoughts immediately, and things around you will change as well. Make a little experiment, and try it out.

 

Meanwhile, keep yourself busy. Go out with your friends and dance without looking around for someone to meet, enjoy your hobbies, spend time with your family, discover new food and restaurants, read more, go to galleries, travel, work, get a pet, spend money on yourself, and simply enjoy living – being grateful that you are healthy and alive. And above all, please stay positive and keep the faith, no matter how hard it is! Love will come when you least expect it… I promise you this. It always does.

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The fake Prince Charming

The fake Prince Charming 1354 437 Galia Brener

Have you ever met a man and dated him for a while, but when the breakup approached, he seemed to be a completely different person? Can it really be that our Prince Charming is in fact nothing but a cheap pretender? Usually what you see towards the end of a relationship is the true face of the person you have been dating all along. The only difference is that the bubble has been burst, and your rose-tinted glasses have been violently ripped off, revealing a harsh reality that feels like a wet slap on the face!

Is he genuinely who you think he is, or do you imagine him better in your mind than he actually is? From my personal experience, if I really like someone – especially at the beginning – I tend to close my eyes on the small strange things he does or says. We often sell lies to ourselves like, “Oh he didn’t really mean that”, or “It was probably a joke.” Or the best ever, “He won’t do that again for sure.” Well guess what, he will do it many times again, and he did mean it – because he might not actually be the Prince Charming that he’s selling himself to be! That’s why it’s important to pay attention to the small things he does at the beginning, because the truth always comes out. My father uses a great expression, “Measure nine times, but cut only once!” What does it mean in this case? It tells us to get to know a person better before idiotically throwing our heart helplessly at him!

My friend Sharon went through something quite similar a few months ago. She met a guy, and the attraction was instantaneous. They started dating and things moved quite quickly between them. At the beginning, he was the perfect “duplication” of a fairytale gentleman, but after the initial fake-pink-fluffy months were gone, the nauseating truth set in. Some things really bothered her, like him looking at other women, his tone of voice was often rude, along with some respect less comments thrown at her – of course disguised as “jokes.” His lack of generosity and his aggressive mind-games also irritated her, however she never confronted him about these issues! I didn’t understand why she was silent about it, but she said she didn’t want to lose him. As the months passed by, his behavior got worse and worse until one day he heartlessly broke up with her, and didn’t even look back. By then it was already too late because she was insanely in love with him. A few weeks later we found out that he cheated on her during half of their relationship!

Ladies here is a big warning: if you love him blindly, and continue dreaming that he’s your true prince, even though he can be an asshole to you, then you will end up falling flat on your face. Believe me, I’ve been there before. If you notice after a few months of dating that something is wrong with him and his behavior, please do the following:

1. Open up your eyes and ears, listen and observe carefully what he does and how he acts and reacts. How is he around children, animals and elderly people? Is he caring, kind and attentive? Is he compassionate and respectful? Is he trustworthy and generous? Let him do some talking, and listen carefully to what he says. Some of the players can be really good liars, like saying they want to have a family and settle down soon, just to get you to fall for him. Please pay attention when he is off guard, and not in his “trying to get into your pants routine”.

2. Talk to him openly about what bothers you. Don’t be scared that it’s “too soon” for a discussion or that this can jeopardize the new relationship.

3. Clear out the issue with him, and make sure he understands that you don’t like to be treated that way!

4. If he still keeps repeating his moronic behavior, then you have to realize that he is not the Prince Charming you thought he was.

5. Make it or break it, but don’t ignore the warning signs! If you do, they will come back to haunt you at a later time with a vengeance.

Ladies I cannot stress enough how important it is to check him out before serving your heart to him on a silver platter. You don’t want him to eat your heart rare and bloody, and spit out the rest on the floor, do you? I don’t mean to sound cold and calculating, but I would advise you to be smart and choose well! Always remember that actions speak louder than words, so see how his actions are towards you. Everyone can make promises, but deeds are what really count! I do not want to see you getting hurt by a senseless idiot, so please girls, try to open your eyes, and let him show his true intentions for you. If you see that he indeed has long-lasting intentions for you, then you can offer him your heart. By the way, there is nothing wrong with letting him make some effort to get you …

Where is he already?!

Where is he already?! 1354 437 Galia Brener

It’s Saturday afternoon and you decide to spend some hard-earned money on a little treat for yourself. As you wander through the city, you can’t help but notice the couples everywhere. Every few meters you see them walking happy, as if these bloody lovers are on a mission to show off in front of you today. The handholding, the smiles and whispers, the shared secrets, the kissing and the passion. Is it your imagination, or does it seem like everyone in the fucking city is in love, and you’re left out? Damn it, where is he already? As you feel a tug on your heart the only way to fill that hole, at this very moment, is to make that “little” present for yourself not “so little.” You end up coming home with expensive shoes, or a new exhaust pipe for your Harley. It makes you feel happy… but maybe for about a week.

There is a rumor going around about a mysterious lady called Destiny. Apparently they say that when she decides the time is right, she sends you love. Sometimes you must go through hell and suffering, while gaining life lessons to be prepared for true love. Other times you have a mission to accomplish before the right one comes. Either way, Madame Destiny calls the shots, and therefore this tough bitch is not to be outsmarted. However, there is a way to make the waiting process easier. As hard as it is, it helps to stay busy and positive. Regardless of what you went through in the past, and we have all gone through some evil crap, you cannot let that get you down. No matter what love tragedy happened to you before, never ever take it with you into the present and future. You must let the past go, or else it can destroy you, and leave you stuck in the darkness. Bitterness and anger repels good people away. So please don’t do your ex a favor by staying bitter. You must fight these sad heavy feelings and force yourself to be happy and positive. After all, happiness is a choice!

This reminds me of Natalia’s story. She had been single for years after her boyfriend left her. She thought that he was the love of her life, and they will get married and have a family. Unfortunately, the fairytale died. Carrying a broken heart shattered in a million tiny pieces, she tried to find a new love for some years after, but without much luck. What I admire about Nat is that no matter how difficult her dating life was, she never gave up! She always said, “Gali my time will come, and I will also have true love.” Unbelievable to see how convinced she was, especially after such a devastating breakup. Her 40th birthday arrived, and at 12am, she raised her champagne glass and drank, “To love.” Nat’s two close girlfriends, happily married, were feeling sad for her. They couldn’t understand why such a wonderful woman was still single.

The next morning, hung over and depressed like hell from all the marriage talk, Natalia went to buy some food. She felt and looked like what the cat dragged home last night, with messy hair and puffy eyes, wearing leggings and sneakers. She walked out of the dessert isle with a jar of strawberry jam in her hand, and all of a sudden, BAMM! Some guy bumped into her. She dropped the jar, and the jam splashed all over her shoes, her bag, and the floor looked like thick red blood was splattered all over it. “Jesus! Can’t you watch where the hell you’re………Oh…” She looked up and saw the guy smiling mischievously at her, with a cute guilty look on his face. Half of his jeans were covered in jam as well. They laughed, he apologized, and invited her for dinner to make up for the sweet mess. One thing led to another, they got married, and Nat had her first child now at 42. Amazing right? How did this happen you ask? Well, Natalia believed in love – against all odds!

What works is to be 100% assured that you deserve to be happily in love. You must be completely convinced that true love is out there and will soon be yours. Why the hell should these grey mice you see walking with amazing men, holding hands, have love and not you? If they find a partner, then so can you! Head up and stand tall, knowing that yours is coming too. You must have complete and unconditional faith. Not thinking, “Oh it’s been so long, I give up. I will never find love.” WRONG! Such thoughts will never ever attract love in your direction. Lady Destiny doesn’t like when people feel negative like this. If you don’t feel that you deserve love, then why should it come to you? Change your thoughts immediately, and things around you will change as well. Make a little experiment, and try it out.

Call it craziness or the sixth sense, but I feel that many will meet their life partner this year. A little tip for attracting love: buy yourself a piece of jewelry with rose quartz. Whether it’s a bracelet, ring, necklace or anything else, make sure that the stone touches your skin. Rose quartz increases self-confidence, opens your heart to love, and helps to heal past pain. The best part is that rose quartz attracts new love into your life. I highly recommend wearing this stone everyday. Meanwhile, keep yourself busy. Go out with your friends and dance without looking around for someone to meet, enjoy your hobbies, spend time with your family, discover new food and restaurants, read more, go to galleries, travel, work, get a pet, spend money on yourself, and simply enjoy living – being grateful that you are healthy and alive. And above all, please stay positive and keep the faith, no matter how hard it is! Love will come when you least expect it… I promise you this. It always does.

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