mistakes

We All Make Mistakes
We All Make Mistakes 1600 875 Galia Brener

To forgive or not to forgive, that is the question. We have all experienced hurts and unfair blows towards us, that leave us painfully asking ourselves: Why me? What did I do to deserve this from him/her? We can spend weeks thinking about why this happened. We feel confused, sad, and then angry! We swear to never open up to anyone again. We stay at home alone, licking our wounds, protecting ourselves from the world. Never ever again, we say. However, unless they have tried to physically kill you, forgiveness is the only functioning therapy that you can give your heart, mind and soul.

The best reason to forgive is for your own good! Do it firstly for yourself, and not the other person. As soon as you truly forgive, a large stone falls off of your chest, and you feel much lighter, and breath easier. Congratulations, you have released yourself from being your own victim. This doesn’t mean that you have to talk to the person again, but the fact that you let go of the betrayal, means that you moved on. This is very good for your karma, because you release the anger inside of you. Think of it as releasing poison from your body. And yes, you can be egoistic at times, and forgive someone for your own sake, and not theirs.

Of course you must realize that it’s not just about those big life-shattering betrayals. It’s also about those fights with your partner, parents or best friend. Those small arguments count just as much. You must be open enough to be able to forgive the ones you love. Everyone makes mistakes, and most likely, it was not done upon you from an evil heart. Throughout the years, I have come to realize that when someone I love apologizes to me, I must accept the apology and be able to let the anger go. Of course if the offense is not a drastic one, than accepting an apology and forgiving is the right thing to do.

A friend of mine told me a story last week, which fits quite perfectly. Heather and her boyfriend were away on holiday. On their last day, he woke up early, and was fidgeting around in bed. He got up, walked around the room, got back into bed, moved around and around, and got up and down again. Then he turned on the laptop and started watching a movie. Obviously this woke Heather up, and she was extremely tired. They have gotten to bed quite late the night before. All she wanted to do was sleep and rest. Her man complained that he was hungry and tried to hurry Heather to get up and get ready. Of course she got up and was pissed off at him, eyes half shut, tired beyond belief. She was grouchy, and showed it to him. He kept on pushing her to hurry, and she screamed at him to stop it! She was not even fully awake. Again she screamed quite rudely at him to stop. Instantly she felt bad for it. He gave her such a nice holiday. On their way to town for breakfast, she apologized twice for raising her voice at him. No reaction. At breakfast he was distant and silent. Heather thought to herself that instead of this childish cold-treatment, she could have been resting in bed now. They headed to the beach, and still no peace in sight. After two hours, she had enough of this crap, and said to him, “Why can’t you simply let it go? This is our last day here, and I have apologized twice to you already! Your ego is so dominating that you would rather ruin this entire day, instead of forgiving me, letting the crap go, and enjoying yourself as well!” After a few minutes, he turned to her and said that she was right. They kissed, and made up, and had the best day of their entire holiday. He annoyed her, she screamed, she apologized, and a while after he forgave her. Sound familiar?

What usually helps me is this thought: what if I never see this person ever again? What if you had a fight with your partner, he goes to work, has a car crash and dies? You will never ever see him again. Would you ever forgive yourself for parting ways in such anger? You would give anything to hug and kiss him again. Remember this for the rest of your life. A schoolmate of mine fought one morning with her sister, but she never came home from school that day. The woman still carries a hole in her heart larger than the Pacific Ocean. Our loved ones will not always be there with us. So think about it, was a fight that you recently had really worth it?

I am not suggesting to be a doormat, and allow everyone to walk allover you, but try to choose your battles wisely, and see what is really worth arguing about. Life is so damn short, so why make it more complicated for ourselves and loved ones? Live with an open and forgiving heart. Unless the damage is huge beyond repair, try to forgive others. Not only will you heal your own soul, you will also give them another chance to prove themselves, and love you more. I know it’s sometimes hard, but it’s even harder to never see your loved one again, or have the chance to forgive them for their silly error. Be kind and forgive, because everyone makes mistakes, including you.

Photos by Uwe M. Carl of Carl & friends: Marketing für Mode und Lifestyle.

Outfit by Albrecht Ollendiek

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Do you deserve true love?
Do you deserve true love? 1080 530 Galia Brener

We live in a time surrounded by high-tech gadgets and artificial intelligence, yet the one thing that still confuses mankind is the concept of “true love”. The big problem is that people tend to blame each other, but do they look within themselves to figure out what their own flaws are? No wonder the aliens haven’t arrived yet. The silly humans can’t deal with their own crap, let alone ET.

So now is the moment of truth…

Do you have the guts to admit to any of the questions below?

Do you always like to be right and win an argument? Do you always want to be in control? Is your opinion always the right one, because you think you know better? Do you let your emotions control you and create dramas? Do you make a big deal out of small things? Do you like to argue? Is it hard for you to compromise? Do you feel that people don’t understand you? Are you holding onto disappointment, pain or an ex from the past? Do you have fear of rejection? Do you lose your temper often? Do you get angry fast? Are you hard to get along with? Do you take people for granted? Do you get offended or hurt easily by what people say? Are you too sensitive or not sensitive enough? Are you greedy? Are you selfish and egoistic? Do you use people? Are you a cheater? Do you lie to get your way? Do you play with people’s feelings? Do you speak bad about and hurt others? Do you only take and not give back? Do you overanalyze? Are you a pessimist? Are you jealous? The list goes on and on.

At least 4 of the above questions used to affect me, until one day I decided to be brutally honest with myself and stop this torture. My own foolish behavior was hurting me. I decided to work on myself to become a better person, and give true love a chance to find me and enrich my life.

No one is born perfect, but we must work on ourselves in order to deserve true love.

Life is about learning and growing. I call it self-evolution.

1. Learn from your mistakes: Look back at all your relationships and figure out the pattern. Where have you been wrong? What could you have done better? Perhaps you have chosen the wrong partners? Don’t always date the same “types” – try meeting different kind of people. Be honest with yourself and see what you did wrong in the past. Work on yourself and evolve. Do not repeat your mistakes. If you were or still are an asshole, work on yourself to change and become a better person. It’s never ever too late to become a good human being!

2. Open up your heart to love again: I know this is one of the hardest things to do, especially if you have been hurt in the past! This takes a lot of strength and courage. Many people tend to become cynical and bitter after they have been hurt. However, only the strong can get up, dust themselves off and have the courage to open up to love again. Fact is: if you wont open up anymore, you will never have a chance to meet your true love. We have all been hurt, but would you rather be safe and stay alone, or take a leap of faith and meet someone wonderful?

3. Surround yourself with positive people that are seeking out the good in life: We all have those friends that love to complain about how bad their life is, or how awful men are. Please stay away from such negative people and their dramas! These “friends” influence a negative thinking pattern that you are a victim to bad men/women that will only want to hurt you. Instead, surround yourself with happy, strong, positive and life-loving people. They might even have a good friend to set you up with. Implant your mind with positive thinking patterns!

4. No desperation: Being  desperate is the key to failure, hurt and pain. Even if you have been single for years, do not date someone that is bad to you, just for the sake of being in a relationship! Be honest with yourself – is s/he good for you? I always say, better single and happy, than with a partner that makes you feel miserable!

Communicate your needs, thoughts and feelings. S/he is not a psychic. If something is bothering you, say it. Even if you think it’s embarrassing, say it. Do not be afraid to loose him/her. If it’s true love, you will not lose them. You will only gain their respect by being able to talk about and sharing your thoughts, opinions and problems.

The trick to finding true love is by first working on yourself and making sure that you truly deserve it. It’s always easy to point fingers at others, but look at yourself first! Believe me, I have gone through this self-evolution process as well. Once you have the guts to face the truth and work on your flaws to become a better person, true love will find you! Good luck.

 

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2015 is Over! Evaluate what happened to you…
2015 is Over! Evaluate what happened to you… 960 960 Galia Brener

You’ve had your Christmas fun, and now before the New Year starts, it’s time to get down to business. What is such an urgent task that cannot wait until next year, you ask? The task is the one and only “Self-Inventory”. It sounds quite simple, but actually it can get deep and dirty, with truths exposed and shocking things revealed. But since we are tough guys and gals, and I’m sure that you can handle it, I will share my secret with you. At the end of each year, I make a thorough inventory of my life for that year – from top to bottom, not overlooking any gruesome details. At the end, I see what I have achieved, learned, and what I can do much better next year. This helps me grow as a woman, as a person, and also helps to increase success. However, you must be completely honest with yourself, or else this won’t work for you. So my lovelies, let’s start!

 

1. Achievements: Let’s start with the nice stuff! This was a damn long year, for some a horrible one, and for others a positive one. But for many, 2015 was a year for the fighting spirit – the Samurai among us. Think back to all of the great things you achieved this year. This includes a new career, having a loving relationship, building your first house, having a child, getting married, overcoming addictions, or whatever wonderful thing you achieved this year, take some time to honor it. Anyone who achieved anything important in 2015 deserves to celebrate, because this bitch of a year was a difficult one, and hence you deserve double recognition for it. You must praise yourself for your success, and feel proud of what you did. I made it a ritual to buy myself a present at the end of the year to celebrate my achievements. Spoiling yourself once in a while is very important, because it helps to remind you of accomplishments and appreciate your own worth.

 

2. Screw-ups: let’s be honest, we are no angels. I can think back and list a few mistakes I made this year, and so can you. This is where it gets hard because we don’t usually like to admit our mistakes, especially to ourselves! But since you’re brave, and a new year is starting, push yourself to do it. Think back. Have you hurt someone? Played, cheated, stole, backstabbed, told lies, broke hearts and promises, acted disrespectfully or cruelly? Maybe it is yourself that you hurt with something like a bad habit, or allowing others to treat you badly? Maybe you let something slip away that you regret? Send your ego to hell for a moment, and really open yourself up and remember the mistakes you made. Try to acknowledge the wrongs that you did, and see if there is a chance to set things right again. If you are brave enough, you can even contact the person and ask them for forgiveness – it is your Karma after all. If you have already set things right again, then it is time to forgive yourself, forgive the other person, forgive the situation, and move on.

 

3. Lessons: 2015 was a year of many life lessons for me. Some of them hit me hard and were not so easy to learn, while the others I embraced quite quickly and open-heartedly. Look back and figure out what were your most important lessons of this year. Life threw you these bones, hoping that you will learn and improve on your mistakes. If these lessons are not learned, they will only enter your life again and again, and torture you until you will finally get it. To be honest, I did not learn a lesson in 2012, and the very same thing happened to me at the very same time in 2013 and again in 2015! It was so creepy! You have to realize what life is trying to show you, and make improvements on these things, so that you can grow and move on. Think back, what could you have done better? Take these lessons and use them for your good in 2016, and do things better this time around! And please, do not be angry at your fate – this happened for a reason – to become a better and stronger person!

 

4. Cleaner: Don’t worry, no killing mafia skills required. Look back at the year, and make an inventory of the people in your life. Be honest to yourself: Is there anyone who has to be cleaned out of your life? Do you have so-called “friends” that are dishonest, don’t care about you, or even worse, jealous of you? What about a partner that does not respect, appreciate, and truly love you, is a cheater or maybe doesn’t want to make a commitment to you? They don’t deserve you and be assured that Lady Karma will take “good” care of them. Let it go, and get rid of them! Sometimes people come into your life for a reason, and once their mission is fulfilled, it is better to send them along their way before they cause more damage in your life. Try to get rid of all toxic people that do you no good before this year ends. Surround yourself only with goodness – and with people that will respect, love, appreciate, honor, and truly love and care for you – and you for them.

 

The last day before the year ends is a very crucial one. This special time provides us with a moment to become quieter and look deep within ourselves. It’s a chance to reminisce about the funny, lovely and good things that happened, and allows us to learn from our mistakes. It’s an opportunity to make things right again. It’s a chance to say goodbye to the old, and make space for the wonderful new and exciting things to come. If you feel brave enough, try to do this Self-Inventory. It helps me each year, and offers great reassurance. Besides, the best thing about completing the Self-Inventory is the fact that you have another chance right around the corner: New Year, new start!

 

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