letting go

Run away from the Narcissist!

Run away from the Narcissist! 1354 437 Galia Brener

Ladies and gentlemen, there is a certain predator among us. He’s the charming, funny one trying to win over your friends with his false charm, making them think he’s the best guy in the world! Or she’s that seemingly sweet girl that smiles like a sunshine and later sucks your energy and money faster than you can say, “What the fu…?” Beware of this deceiving type of person, because they are good at hiding their true face! By the time you find out who they really are, it’s too late because their tentacles are deep in your heart, and the damage is done.

My close friend Jilli was dating such a narcissist for almost two years. At the beginning it was really like Heaven on Earth. They were inseparable, and spent every minute they had together. She was madly in love with him, and convinced that Leo was her best friend and soulmate. However, he painfully betrayed her the first time by leaving her in her weakest moment, when she needed her best friend the most. But he crawled back, and she forgave him. Then he “seemed” caring and loving again, but things started changing. Jilli took off her rose-tinted glasses and realized that Leo was not the man who he initially presented himself to be. He started showing his true colors, which included being extremely selfish and egoistic. He was verbally, emotionally and physically abusive, as well as very moody and unbalanced. He was short-tempered, and unloaded his daily frustrations on her. The meaner he was to her, the more Jilli gave love and attention to him, trying to make him happy and kind again. But the more she gave, the worse he became towards her. She realized that the sweet and caring Leo was only a figment of her imagination, and did not exist! One day after sending her out of bed, and letting his dog takeover her spot in bed, Jilli decided that Leo will not hurt her anymore! She left him, and he quickly moved onto the next victim. Narcissists will even take second-best leftovers to date after a breakup, because they are weak and can never be alone.

There is a mental disorder called “Narcissistic Personality Disorder” or NPD, and it’s a very serious problem. Please stay away from these people at all costs, because they will end up damaging you! Here are the main points to see if you’re dating a narcissist:

1. They need admiration and attention all the time! This person is usually quite insecure and fishes for compliments a lot. They are also suckers for flattery.

2. Arrogant and haughty. S/he can be very mean and rude without any reason.

3. They believe that they are special, privileged and simply better than the rest of the world, giving them a grandiose feeling of superiority and self-importance.

4. They lack empathy, and are unable to identify with the needs and feelings of others. They need your emotions to feed their inflated ego!

5. Envious of others, and have the intense feeling that others are envious of them.

6. Have the constant sick desire for unlimited power and success.

7. Always look what their advantage in any relationship/friendship is.

8. They have a need to always be in control of themselves and others.

9. They think that they are always right, and know everything. While the others have no clue and are not intelligent as they are, making them intolerant to the views of others.

10. They laugh and make jokes about others so that they feel better about themselves.

11. When it gets tough, they leave. They won’t stay with you during a tough phase when you need their help. This also includes when you are sick. If you need help, the attention is taken away from them and given to you. This makes them not in the center of attention anymore, so they leave.

12. Excessively charming. Too much and too soon. They desperately try to impress you and your friends so much that it seems too good to be true – and it is. It’s not genuine. They project their “False-Self”, which is everything they are not!

Narcissists do not seek therapy because they don’t believe that they have a problem. Since they think they are the best, why would they need therapy? Of course most of them do not realize how much damage they are causing themselves and others. The biggest problem is that they are not good at producing their own emotions, so they need yours to live on! What’s even worse is that they feed on both positive and negative emotions, which is their ego food, or known as their “Narcissistic Supply” – much like the supply or fix a junkie needs to stay high. Their feeding on negative emotions will drain you of your energy, positivity, happiness and hope! They are insatiable, and always need more of your emotions to live on. In my opinion, they are disgusting parasites that feed on good people. Just a friendly warning from my personal experience, if you ever meet a narcissist, run very far away from them – it will save your life!

Do you miss your “ex” or the “feeling of love”?

Do you miss your “ex” or the “feeling of love”? 1354 437 Galia Brener

Do you ever think about your ex and really miss him/her? Do you think back about the good times you had, the kissing, cuddling, laughing, hanging out, cooking, traveling, talking, sharing, partying, falling asleep together, and and and? Well my dears, perhaps I can make your heart a bit lighter after reading this article. Most likely, you don’t miss your ex, but rather the feeling of love, and being loved!

A few Saturdays ago, I had dinner at VaiVai with my two friends Marianne and Heather. We were a table full of carnivores, and all ordered the same dry-aged steak, and the famous VaiVai rosemary and garlic homemade french fries. Of course this was topped off with a nice bottle of Barolo. Little did we know that this would be one of the most important evenings for heather in a long time! On our second glass, reminiscing about all of our past loves, Heather looked at us with sudden tears in her eyes and said, “I think of him so often. I’m stuck, and I can’t move on. It still hurts so much! I used to be so free, positive and happy before I met him. I want to be that woman again.” Wow, big statement! Marianne is a well-known Frankfurt psychologist, and she decided that tonight she would heal Heather. Tonight was the first time in a while that Heather was open for help, and she was about to beat her demon.

Marianne asked Heather a simple question: “Tell me 5 things that you miss about your ex.” She answered: cooking together, traveling, cuddling…. “STOP!” said Marianne. “I said the 5 things that you miss about “him”! Not 5 things that you could have with another man as well.” Marianne looked at us like we were Martians talking to her in an alien language. She became extremely quiet, and it took her a while to think. We finished the first bottle of red. Still no answer. After a while she said she missed his smell, voice, sense of humor, physical contact and helpful advice. Well, sorry to break it to you Heather, but these things you can have with another man as well. Voices and smells are unique, but many other people have nice scents and tones as well! She opened her eyes, as if for the very first time in months, and realized that it is not specifically “him” that she missed, but rather the feeling of love and a companion by her side! She also admitted that most of the cute sweet things in the relationship came from her. If she created this with her ex, then she can implement these things in the next relationship as well! And just like that, Heather’s brain clicked with this new awareness, and sent a message to her heart, “You can let go now.” This realization was worth gold! Ever since then, Heather is smiling, happy, positive and herself again!

Ladies and gentlemen if you are hanging onto your ex and can’t let go, then ask yourself one simple question: “What exactly do I miss about him/her?” You have to differentiate whether the things you miss, you can have with another partner as well – such as – cuddling, traveling, having someone who cares about you, affection, love, sex, having someone to talk to when bad or good things happen, going to dinners and partying, sweet text messages, falling asleep together, kissing, etc. All of these things the next love will give you too! It’s not specific of your ex only! However, if you really miss such things like his smell, jokes, laughter, body gesture, habits, etc. then it is him/her you’re still longing after. But also here I can help you by pointing out that the next guy might make even funnier jokes, understand you better, care more, or the next girl might smell even better for you, be more empathetic, etc. In my opinion, 80% of the time we miss the feeling of love, being loved, companionship, activities and spending time with a partner – rather than that “specific” person! Crazy realization, right?

If you open up your mind to this fact, and make a list, then you will see that most likely you are part of that 80%. This realization will help you to let go and move on very quickly! The hold and obsession will be released, and you will open up to new love again. Plus don’t forget that it is quite normal to still hang onto the last person that you were dating. Most likely as soon as the next love will knock on your door, you will forget your ex – because you will have the companionship and feeling of love again, which was missing after the breakup. Believe me, when that handsome new man or beautiful woman is staring into your eyes with a big smile, the last thing you will think about is your ex! That’s when you will see again – it’s not them you really missed!

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