let go

You know that feeling when you’ve been single for a long while and finally meet a really wonderful person? You start seeing each other once a week, and then spending more and more time together. You go out and have fun, watch shows, movies, dancing, theater, restaurants, galleries, events, sports, meet up with friends, sleep over at each other’s place, and and and. You fall in love, and want to spend every waking moment together. But before you start dominating each other’s time, think again! Love can be quickly suffocated if no space is given.

My friend Gloria met a man whom she assumed was her soulmate and the love of her life. The attraction and connection was instantaneous. This was what most people would call “love at first sight.” They met and were already holding hands and caressing each other after the first hour! It felt just perfect. Gloria and Tony started spending a lot of time together. Actually, they did everything together. They understood each other so well, and sometimes even had moments when one knew what the other was thinking about. Indeed it was magic. They never got tired of each other, and could talk about different things for hours and hours each day without getting bored. When they were not home together, they chatted on the phone or wrote each other. They quickly became best friends as well and lovers.

After a few months Tony moved in with Gloria, and they had their little paradise in the city. But the flat was rather small for two people, and slowly the problems started to appear. I didn’t see Gloria for months at a time. She disappeared into the “Lover’s Black Hole” where she stayed in her pink cocoon with Tony. Those two were attached at the hip, and didn’t spend much time with any of their friends, only relying on each other for company. At the beginning it was ok, but after a while it became a real strain on their relationship. Tony wanted to stay at home a lot and didn’t like to go out. Gloria used to go out with us for dinner, movies, events, etc. but ever since meeting him, she didn’t spend much time with her friends. This went on for one and a half years. Eventually they were fighting more, and had no place to escape to, in order to get a bit of calmness and space, because their flat was small. So they would flee to their parent’s house in order to avoid the other. This was a big mistake, because it drove them even further apart. The fights increased, and the atmosphere at home was sharp like a knife. Eventually one day the relationship snapped and broke down. There was too much tension and pressure. Had they given each other more space in the first place, none of this would have happened. They took each other very much for granted due to their ego and false pride. This shows that even the most precious love can wither and die if not given any room to breathe and flourish.

This is not only the case with fresh new love, but also long relationships. In order for the bond to stay strong, each partner needs time and space for themselves. To meet friends, work on their hobbies and get a chance to have a life outside of the home and relationship. Ladies it’s a big mistake to forget your friends as soon as you have a new boyfriend. They were there for you during good and bad times, and they will always be there for you. So please don’t exclude them out of your life as soon as you have a new man! I would also suggest for you to have a regular girl’s night out evenings to stay in touch and close to your friends. You had a life before the man, so make sure to keep it while he’s in your life. Your partner will also find you more appealing knowing that you have your own things to do, and not just simply hang onto him all the time. No man likes that. The more you show him your independence, the more drawn he will be to you! I don’t know why, but the busier I am, and the more I have going for me, the more I feel the man is drawn to me. Strange but it always happens that way. I also had to learn this the hard way in a similar situation to Gloria.

It’s also important that the man has regular nights with his guys. Never ever try to separate a man from his guys. He will grow to resent you for this. Always give him space to do his things and see his friends and family. You can meet family and friends together as well, but please give each other the option and space to do this on your own too. My friend’s boyfriend once said, “It’s ok not to see each other for a few days. It gives you both a chance to miss each other.” Back then I thought that was a stupid thing say, but now I think it’s brilliant! The more space you give each other, the more you miss your partner, and can’t wait to be in each other’s arms again. It’s also nice to gather experiences and nice things that happened to you while apart, and share them with your partner. Like coming back from a mission while collecting secret data to share with your loved one! After all, you want a man, and not a pet, right? The strange and funny thing is that it’s a reversed psychology trick really – give them space, and they will come running to you!