If you happen to be single right now, you probably have a few moments that pass by when you feel lonely, or might be longing for love and affection. The good news is that this is absolutely normal!
No, you are not desperate or pathetic! Every human being wants to be loved and cherished. It’s human nature to want to have someone by your side to lean on and love, rather than being alone. However, sometimes having “someone” by your side comes with a price that you might not want to pay. The question is, how much negativity are you willing to take just so that you are in a relationship, and not alone? Keep in mind that being single does not necessarily mean being “alone”.
My close friend Claudia went through something which proved that being single is not as bad at it may sound. She was together with her ex for a few years. When they first met, it was love at first sight. She was absolutely sure that he was her soulmate, and the man that she has been waiting her entire life for. In the beginning he romanced and charmed her beyond belief. He did everything to make her his woman, and spent every spare moment he had with her. Of course she was on cloud nine because she never thought that love could be this wonderful and intense. After only a few months, they moved in together, and she couldn’t believe how lucky she was. All her friends said that they were a dream couple. He was tall, blonde and handsome, and she looked like a fair princess beside him, also quite tall with dark brown hair and a beautiful slim figure. Wherever they went, heads would turn everywhere, and all of the attention was always on them. They were literally like a couple out of a fairytale.
The first year went by wonderfully, but towards the end of the year, the fights have started and they had unfortunate miscommunication issues. Both of them were very proud and admitting their fault was quite difficult. He was 10 years older than her, and had a nasty stubborn attitude at times. As the second year went by, it got to a point where he was simply mean to her. He didn’t respect her opinion anymore, and didn’t advise with her on the important things in his life, which made her feel stupid and useless. He didn’t want to cuddle with her, and the sex became very rare. He was quickly annoyed and aggravated by her words, and kept her on a very short leash, always getting moody when he didn’t like something. It became intolerable to live with him. She cried very often, and they got to the point where they fought every day. All she wanted was some love and attention back from him, but the more effort she made to get closer to him, the more he backed off. It seemed like he was not planning her into his life anymore. He was simply shutting her out, and just didn’t seem to love her anymore. He said there was no one else, but she never really found out. Eventually they broke up, and her heart was shattered into miniscule pieces. She heard that a few months later, he had already found a new woman – an unattractive grey mouse that didn’t even come close in comparison with her!
As hard as it was for Claudia, she was forced to move on. I told her to take her time, and find peace inside of her heart again, but she was desperate to move on quickly, and avoid being alone. I told her that she was not alone – she had her family and friends. But no, she wanted a new boyfriend as soon as possible just to avoid being single at all costs. And so she met a new guy. When she introduced him to us, I felt that there was something not honest about him. He was incredible good looking, but that seemed to be the only thing he had going for him. It turned out that I was right, because he was a player. He didn’t make enough time to see her, only once a week. Every time she wrote him, it would take him a day or three to answer. He made it a habit to disappear on the weekends, and never invited her to join him. He didn’t invite her with his friends, and she never met his family. She was even more miserable being stuck with the second man now who was simply not good enough for her. I told her to leave him behind and come back to herself again. She needed time for her emotions to stabilize again so that she could be happy, healthy and strong just by being single, and not desperately needing a man by her side.
Ladies and gentlemen, trust me, it’s better being single than together with an idiot that doesn’t respect, love or deserve you. And even after a breakup, take the time to be on your own, rather than jump on the next “thing” that comes along. Take the time to enjoy your life, meet your friends, spend time with your family, travel, take care of your body, and do the things you never had time for when you were in a relationship. There is really no need to rush – and take just “anyone” who is much below your standards. I have heard of men who take a complete opposite of their ex girlfriend – someone who might be a more “motherly-figure”, older, not so pretty or dynamic, who doesn’t care about her appearance and food consumption. Many men downgrade into a comfort zone to get over an ex that they couldn’t keep up with, or live in her shadow. That’s really sad. So my suggestion is to really take your time and not rush into something that’s only half decent than you are used to. Enjoy being single, and your fabulous life! Do yourself a favor – don’t ever settle for second best!