healing pain

Damaged from past relationships?

Damaged from past relationships? 1354 437 Galia Brener

It seems to me lately that more and more people are very careful about opening their hearts to new love. I have been speaking to many who have had painful experiences in the past, which have completely destroyed their ability to believe in love again, and take the chance to start a new happy and healthy relationship. So as I sit here on the river main, gazing onto the crystal water, I ask myself, if everyone is protecting themselves like a snowman from the sun, and sheltering their hearts from love bombs, then how the hell can we ever experience true love again?

I have been continuing my research on Tinder for the past month, and what can I tell you ladies, if you think that we are the only ones that have been damaged from past love, then you are incredibly wrong! It is unbelievable how many men I have come across on Tinder that have been slaughtered due to bad relationships. Me being the spy that I am – although with this article my cover is blown – I engaged in conversations with different men about love and relationships. What I learned is that the single ones that want a fling or just fast sex, are the ones that got brutally hurt in the past and don’t have the courage to stand up to love again. The ones that are looking for a relationship may have been hurt in the past as well, but nevertheless possess the strength to try the “big love” again!

I always say, “Love is only for the very strong and brave”. Why? Quite simple, because many people cannot open up their hearts again after being burned by love. They shut down, or otherwise known as “get bitter” and protect themselves like a bulletproof car in a mafia movie. No love bullets can enter their hearts. Sealed, protected and unreachable. In my opinion, this is a great weakness. How could someone shut themself off from a possibility at finding love again? I think that love is the main reason for life. Not success, money, or collecting possessions – nothing is as pure and wonderful as having a true love in your life, so why deprive yourself of the chances to find this?

You must be thinking, “Oh yes Gali, but you don’t know what I have been through, and how painful it was.” But dear readers I do. I have also loved, truly loved, more than the air I breathed. My boyfriend at that time was my best friend, partner in crime, lover and the closest person to my heart and soul. I have never loved anyone as much as him before. We were intoxicated by each other, and his closeness brought me happiness. We spent almost every second we had together, like Bonnie and Clyde. We had so many adventures, where I can write an entire book about it. But one day we broke up. I thought that the Earth would swallow me whole. I was numb, and couldn’t feel anything for months. I locked myself at home, didn’t go anywhere, and lost lots of weight. My world crashed, and I didn’t know how to go on. It was torture.

One day I simply got physically tired of crying over and over again. I was scared that the emotional pain in my heart would turn to a physical one, so I decided to drop the victim role. I had a desire to live, to feel and to truly love again. I wanted to wake up from this horror and join the living again, and so my sense of survival kicked in. I realized that I loved him, but I love myself more. I didn’t want to deprive myself of new love. What for? For a man that didn’t deserve me and made my life miserable at the end? Why cry, and who will appreciate my tears? He definitely wouldn’t. So it was obviously time to move on.

Take the proper time to lick your wounds after a love war, but then move on! I know people that get stuck in love pain for years. These poor souls are torturing themselves for nothing, when they can have love and enjoy life again! Don’t punish yourself, because time runs faster than you think. I realize now how silly I was to cry for so long about a person that didn’t even appreciate me. Please learn from my mistakes and wake up from your bad dream. There is so much beauty, love and joy out there for you to have! There is someone special for everyone, so at least make the effort to open up your heart again in order to meet this person. Love is the most amazing and precious thing in this world, and after going through this horror, I can say that for me it’s worth taking that risk again. The next time you might get lucky and meet the right one, so why miss out on that special chance? Love is only for the very strong and brave – because only the tough ones can get back up and love again!

Want to heal your broken heart?

Want to heal your broken heart? 1354 437 Galia Brener

Like I always say, love is a bitch. She mysteriously appears out of no where, forces herself into your nicely balanced life, punches you in the face until you are drunk enough not to know anything anymore, and makes you helplessly addicted to her high. Unfortunately this bitch also has the habit of disappearing, leaving you with a half-beating shattered heart, and a painful anxiety that you would not even wish upon the devil himself. This is a very serious issue, and I will be quite harsh in this article. It’s about survival, and the necessity to heal and move on.

A few months ago, I met up with the girls for a delicious Sunday brunch. The door to the restaurant opened, and Jilli walked in, looking very upset. Her eyes were swollen, and she looked like she was about to collapse at any second. I felt my heart skip a beat because I knew something was very wrong. She looked up at us, her beautiful turquoise eyes filled with tears, and said, “We broke up.” I almost spilled my hot coffee allover myself. Jilli and her now “ex” boyfriend were our example that true love really does exist. We considered them to be the “perfect couple”, and deeply in love. My sunny-side up eggs arrived, but I couldn’t eat them. I took a bite, and felt the egg sticking to my throat. I asked her what happened. This question made Jilli’s tears roll violently down her face, and she told us that he didn’t want to commit to her. He didn’t want to marry or have a family with her. He said he wasn’t ready, and didn’t know if he ever would be. But she was not even pressuring him to marry her now! She said they were fighting a lot lately, because she was seeking his attention and love, and he was pushing her away. Not only that, he became vicious to her lately, and was saying and doing things that really hurt her. How could this asshole betray such a special love? Poor Jilli, she was so sure that he was her soulmate. She never loved another human being like she loved him.

She asked me what to do, because she knows my story from many years ago. I’ve had my heart brutally destroyed once as well. Like Jilli, I thought that my world was demolished, and what I loved was being ripped out of my body alive. Months went by, and the pain did not subside. One day while crying in the kitchen, something strange happened; for a millisecond, I felt deep inside myself that if I wont finally deal with this crap, it will deal with me – in a very bad way. Constant painful emotions can lead to physical illness. The hard truth is that nobody needs a sick person. This brought out the fear, and self-protection in me, and I finally woke up. I entered survival-mode.

How did I heal my broken heart? I started loving myself more than I loved him. That’s it. That’s the secret. What does this mean? It means that soulmate or not, you have to take all the love you have for him, and turn it upon yourself, because you must survive this terror. You have no other choice, because if you don’t switch survival-mode on, this pain might destroy you. I have seen people turning to angry bitter monsters because of broken hearts. I have even heard of people falling into deep helpless depressions, and not coming out of it for years! Is that what you want? To be stuck in hell for years obsessing about some jerk that didn’t even think you were worthy enough to stay together with? That’s abandonment and betrayal, and such a person is not entitled to your love – you are the one who deserves your love now, so make the switch.

Loving yourself more means living for yourself. Take the first few months to be selfish by doing what you want, and when you want it. Your friends and family will understand if you explain to them. Learn to say “No” to others. Loving yourself is also controlling yourself – your thoughts and emotions. As soon as you think of how you miss him, counteract the thought with a thought of a bad thing that he did to you. Remember the bad stuff? It was not only rainbows. Loving yourself is being strong. You can cry for some weeks, but one day you have to get up, find your courage and start respecting yourself again. Loving yourself means fighting for yourself to become happy again. It means not letting yourself sink in the misery of your negative and depressive feelings. If he was weak and didn’t fight for you, doesn’t mean that you also have to be weak and not fight for yourself. If you have a dog or a child, would you allow someone to hurt them, while standing and watching? No! You would jump in, and save them from this evil. Well, imagine yourself jumping in and saving yourself. That’s what you have to do now, save yourself.

Life is too damn short to cry over idiots who take us for granted, don’t appreciate us, and actually do not even deserve us. Never ever give your power away by letting someone bring you down so low, that you cannot feel “happiness” anymore. How the hell does he still deserve love from you after hurting you like that? You deserve your own love now. By rolling around in your broken-hearted misery, you are actually hurting yourself – just like he did to you! That’s psychologically wrong, and doesn’t make any sense. Think about it… ♥

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