girlfriend

I have received many letters from women asking me how to tell if a guy has long-term intentions for them, or if he’s simply looking for a sex fling? This can be quite tricky because some people are willing to go to any measure, including selling white lies about a happy future together, just to get the girl in bed. I have asked many of my male friends about this, and almost all told me that when they first meet a girl, they can tell within the first hour of talking to her if she will be just a fling, or a future girlfriend. Luckily there are a few hints at the beginning, which let you know and feel if he only wants you for sex, or to be his girlfriend.

My friend Sandy had to learn this the hard way. Half a year ago she met a guy at a bar, and they hit it off quite well. They talked for a while, and ended the evening by kissing, but Sandy went home alone. She didn’t want to rush things and jump into bed with him because she liked him, and didn’t want it to be just about sex. He wasn’t happy that she didn’t want to sleep with him, but she didn’t notice that in her tipsy state. This was on a Wednesday evening, and she was sure that he would call or write on the weekend, but he didn’t. The next week on Tuesday he wrote her, asking to meet on Wednesday. I said that he’s not serious about her, otherwise he would have at least written a short message on the weekend asking how she’s doing. Sandy tried to brush it off by saying he’s probably busy.

They met on Wednesday and had dinner, went for drinks and then she took him home. She told him that she doesn’t want a fling but rather a relationship, and he said, “Sure, that’s what I want to.” They finally had sex, and it was “ok”, but nothing earth-shattering or mind blowing. Still, Sandy was lusting for him, and his smell played havoc with her brain. He was smart enough, but not the most intelligent man for deep conversations, so the dates were not the best ones she had. However, he “teased” her of a future together, also mentioning holidays and places he wanted to visit with her. His extremely attractive “outer shell” hooked her as well. The next morning he left, and this time she didn’t hear from him for almost an entire week. This was horrible for her because they had sex for the first time together. She wrote him a sweet sms, and it took him days to answer! I told her that this is just sex for him, and he’s not serious about her. She refused to listen to me. This fling lasted for 3 months of them seeing each other once a week, never on the weekends, and not getting closer emotionally at all. Sandy became sad and tired of his ways, and told him that this was not going anywhere. And guess what? He didn’t even try to keep her. He just let her go and she never heard from him again. She later found out that he had many other girls, with whom he was doing the same thing at the same time.

Here are two lists to show you the difference of what he really wants from you:

If he wants you only for sex or a fling:

1. He will text you only when he needs to fill his time once or twice a week, or is feeling hot and horny and needs a release. He keeps the communication to a minimum, only enough to keep you hooked and get sex from you.

2. When you meet him, you feel that your time together is very limited.

3. After a date you never know if that’s the last time you see him. He doesn’t make short-term or long-term plans with you.

4. Even if you say no, he still pushes too much to have sex with you when you’re making out.

5. He doesn’t take you along to places and evenings with his friends and family. You don’t get integrated into his life.

6. If you have problems, he doesn’t offer to help, and doesn’t really seem interested in your issues. He might even change the topic of conversation, or react inadequately to something that bothers you. If you’re sick, he tells you to get better and meet after you’re healthy again.

7. He does everything only for his convenience, and goes only where he wants. If he doesn’t like a place or event you mention, he won’t go there, even if he knows that it would make you happy.

8. He speaks mostly about himself, his life, his hobbies and his passions. He doesn’t ask you much about you and your life. He doesn’t care to ask about your friends and family.

9. When going out together, his eyes will be darting all over the place, looking at other women.

If he wants you to be his girlfriend:

1. He will write and call to see how you are doing – usually everyday, or every second day – because he cares and wants to stay in contact with you. He writes longer sentences, because he wants to keep a strong and constant communication with you.

2. He makes enough time to see you and be with you, because he wants to have you by his side.

3. Even during the date, he’s already mentioning the next time you meet, what you could do together, what you can see or experience together. He’s thinking long-term with you.

4. When you’re making out and you say no to sex, he’s a gentleman and doesn’t push you for more. He respects your wishes because he wants to keep you by his side.

5. He takes you to meet his friends, and also to meet his family. He’s proud to have you with him.

6. He listens carefully if you tell him about a problem you’re having, and offers his help right away. If you’re sick, he will bring you chicken soup. He’s there for you and cares about you.

7. Even if he hates the opera, street fests, or a certain party, restaurant or bar, he will go there with you because he knows that you like it, and it will make you happy.

8. He’s interested in your life, and asks many questions about you, your passions and goals in life. He’s interested about your family and friends, and wants to integrate himself into your life.

9. He will have eyes only for you, and you wont see him constantly looking at other women.

Ladies, I know how hard it is to admit to ourselves that the guy we like is not serious about us, but if you’re not honest with yourself, you will get hurt like my friend Sandy did. Open your eyes and hearts, and see what he really wants from. The best is to ask him what his intentions are for you. Straightforward communication is always important. If he’s lying, like in Sandy’s case, then you have to figure it out for yourself. We are women, and have a strong intuition. Let’s be honest, we feel and know right away what the man truly wants from us. But we lie to ourselves thinking that we can make him see our inner beauty and fall in love with us, and this is how we get hurt. So next time please keep your antennae up to see what he really wants from you. If you’re looking for a boyfriend, then make sure to follow my second list, and see if he behaves accordingly! Don’t allow yourself to be used sexually and emotionally, because you deserve better than that. You deserve real love.