We live in an age where traditions have become weaker, rules are not important and anything goes. Sleeping around is not so drastic anymore. Or is it? I have asked many of my male friends what their opinion was on this matter. I was very surprised that 75% of them said that they would rather wait with a girl that they really like, rather than jumping into bed right away with her. Most of them answered: No sex on the first date!
Here are the reasons why the men said “No”:
1. If she sleeps with me on the first date, she probable does that same with all the other men as well. I don’t want to have a girlfriend like that.
2. If you get sex right away, there is nothing left to top it off on the next dates.
3. We are hunters and need a challenge! We want to work for the cookie, and not get it easily right away. There’s no fun or excitement in that.
4. If I really like the girl, then I prefer to get to know her first. This builds up the passion and feelings.
5. This shows she respects herself, and I respect her even more for that.
Wow ladies, now that’s what I call some honest answers. Hope is not completely lost – there are still men out there with a gentleman-like outlook on life that are looking for true love and not just fast sex. This is very encouraging for us!
This brings me to Ambrosia’s story. She met a guy at the gym. He is average height, has dark thick hair and ice-colored blue eyes. He’s been flirting with her for a while now, and two weeks ago he finally made his move and asked her out. She agreed and was quite excited because she was very attracted to him. He took her out for a very nice dinner and show. After they went for drinks and had a perfect evening. She called me from the bathroom and asked if she should take him home with her. My gut feeling told me – No! I advised her to let him walk her to the door, thank him for a wonderful evening, allow him to kiss her, give him a tight hug, smile warmly and go upstairs – alone. She didn’t listen to me and took him home. They drank more upstairs, got drunk and had wild sex. Starting upstairs, the date lost its perfect magical feeling, and was more about the sex. They both enjoyed it very much, but surprise surprise; he didn’t call for days after. He sent her an sms 5 days later, saying he was busy. She summoned up the courage to ask why he was behaving so coldly all of a sudden. No joke, this is what he replied, “Ambrosia, you’re a fun girl, and we had a wild night. But I’m looking for something more serious.” She was shocked. She told him that she also wants something serious, and he said, “Do you do the same thing with every man you go out with on the first night – calling this your serious intention?” Ok I have to admit, the guy seems like a jerk, and used the situation, however it does show that she left a wrong impression on him.
Most men will jump at a chance to sleep with you on the first date, but are willing to wait if they really like you. Sure there are some couples that get together after sex on the first date, and even end up getting married – but the percent is much lower to those that actually take the time to get to know each other first.
Another thing the guys told me was that if he disappears after the first dates without sex and doesn’t stay around to get to know you better, than he was only after the sex. You don’t need such a man always. Ciao and next! Waiting to have sex is a wonderful and natural way of selection to see who is really into you, and who only wants your body for a few nights. Waiting with sex also allows you to build up feelings for the person, which will intensify the first sexual encounter and make it even more phenomenal. Sex with feeling is the best, even on the first time!
I agree with the guys that I interviewed, because in my opinion, I always like to get to know the man before. We live in a world where everything is rushed – and patience is almost nonexistent – so why not work against this system and take the time to get to know this new person in our life? What’s with this insane haste to have sex? Maybe this seems like old-fashioned to you, but why not go back to the courting era where dating actually meant something special, and not just getting into her panties? I see nothing wrong with letting the man romance us first. Going out for dinners and talking into the late night hours – learning to feel for this person, before jumping into bed – is such a nice luxury these days, so why not allow ourselves the time to enjoy this luxury? Most of the men told me that at the beginning, mental stimulation separates the woman who will simply become a sex affair or their next girlfriend. If you’re interested in the man for just a sex fling then go ahead, jump his bones. But for something serious, please take your time. It’s worth the wait and he will respect you even more for it.
Gentlemen, this article is mainly for you. Imagine this: you go out with the guys and meet a really fantastic girl. You chat with her for a bit, and manage to charm her enough so that she gives you her number. You go home with a happy feeling because this one has something special about her. Of course you don’t wait 3 days to call her because that’s a stupid rule made up by some player guy – no offense. You call the next day and ask her out. You make a date and take her to a restaurant with delicious food. You talk all night about life, adventures and hobbies. Even a few dreams and goals are exposed. She makes you feel different, and you seem to like her. Being a perfect gentleman, you pay for the dinner – especially on the first date, help her with her coat, and open the door for her to exit the restaurant.
The night is still young, so you offer to go to a bar to prolong the fantastic date, because you don’t want to let her get away just yet. You have a few drinks, and see that you both understand each other. But even more exciting than the mental connection, is the physical one. You notice her luscious lips and bright eyes. She’s telling you a story, while seductively moving her hair to the side, showing the perfect spot of exposed skin for you to kiss and bite on. You feel your pants are getting tighter. You look down at her blouse and notice the top part of her cleavage staring back at you. You envision those beautiful breasts in your hands and her hard nipples in your mouth. You can’t handle these wild thoughts anymore, and you lean over to kiss her. Her lips are soft, and you imagine what her other lips would feel like on your tongue. You ask if she wants to leave the bar and go somewhere more private, like her place.
MISTAKE. What is it with you men trying to score on the first date? If not the first, then definitely the second date. I get letters from so many women complaining that the dates start out so wonderfully, until after a few drinks when the guys try to drag them to their place to have sex. Men, what is the matter? What is the intense rush to kiss, make out or have sex right away? I’m old-fashioned, but maybe I have missed something on the news? Is World War III coming, and I haven’t heard anything about it at all? If there is no war, then what else can explain this mad hustle to get into her panties? Yes you feel the passion, and yes you want to have an Earth-shattering, backward-eyeball-rolling orgasm, but gentlemen, you are on the first date here! Please try to keep that eager curious penis in his pants where he belongs in the beginning. If the penis is so difficult to control, then come home and stroke your friend to sleep, but please tame him in front of your new lady.
Ladies, of course if you are looking for a hot night with a hot man, then this would be irrelevant. However, if you are looking to find a relationship and love, I would advise you to wait before jumping into the bed, onto the kitchen floor, on your carpet or shower with the guy. There is enough time for that later on. Get to know him first, and find out who he really is (read last week’s article). A little hint, if a man doesn’t want to wait a while for you, then he is only after the sex.
Gentlemen, if you are only after sex, then you better tell her that at the very beginning. Maybe she wants the same thing as well. But knowing women quite well, I can tell you that most of us are usually in it for the real deal – the love, best friends, matching sweaters, and that kind of nice cheesy thing. So please do not hurt her, and clear this out first. If you are also looking for love and a relationship, then that’s an even better reason to wait. Show that you respect and value her, and are interested to get to know who she is, how she thinks, what she does, and how she feels. Wake up and smell the coffee, or at least her perfume. She took the time to get ready and make herself look beautiful for you, so admire and appreciate that, instead of ruining that special feeling and those nice new clothes. From personal experience the longer you wait, the better you get to know each other, and the more trust and passion will grow. Then when you finally have her, you will feel how amazing it is to make love to a woman that you really admire and respect. Believe me, it’s worth the wait!
Honestly, in this world of faster than fast, where everything should have already happened yesterday, we have to slow things down. I was speaking to my 90-year-old grandmother last night, and she told me about this thing called “Romance”. She said it was something that was very common back in the days when she was my age. She said that when a gentleman would court his special lady for a few months, he would take her out for dinners and romantic walks by the river. He would come to her door with flowers, and would write her love letters. Eventually after some time passed and the couple got to know each other, the man would take the woman somewhere special and make love to her. Back in my grandmother’s time, making love – or as we now call it: having sex, was something very special. It was something significant which bonded the couple in deep intimacy and trust. Imagine that, a time when giving your body to a man was the most precious thing that a woman could do. I was thinking, wouldn’t it be nice for us to go back to the roots a bit? What if we brought back the courting, and getting to know each other phase? And brought back the romance, patience and respect along with it. Wouldn’t that make dating so much more special and meaningful for us?
Dear gentlemen, this article is for you. All women want a man that will make an effort to romance them – long after the butterfly phase is over. Getting the women might seem to you like the biggest task in the dating game, however that is only a tiny part of the battle won. The real challenge is not getting the woman, but actually keeping her! I’m sure you are sitting with your eyebrow raised and a smirk on your face now, but don’t worry, it’s not as hard as you think – you don’t need to be Hercules or a millionaire to succeed at this. Yes I know that women also have to do nice stuff for you, but this article is just about us, and what you can do to keep us happy and satisfied by your side.
Let’s compare this to your car that you love so damn much. Imagine you get your dream car – it’s so fast, shiny and new! Every time you see it, a wave of happiness rushes through your body, and you can’t get your eyes off your new baby! Driving your new car is one of the best feelings in world, and flying in it on the highway gives you such an incredible high. A year goes by, and you notice a few dents here and there. The new car smell has long evaporated, the leather interior is not so pristine anymore, and the rims have scratches on them. Your car is slowly getting older, but it’s still your baby, and you will take care of it, right? With every 10,000 km you lovingly pat her on the steering wheel, and thank her for being so good to you. Even if she gets very old, and is now considered an old-timer, you wont just leave her to rust. Much like beautiful cars, women need care and attention as well. If you don’t invest time and effort into taking care of the things you love, you will lose them. When they’re gone you will realize what you had, unfortunately a little too late, and end up with: a lost love and a broken car.
1. Respect and appreciation: Tell her that you’re proud that she is your girl! When she tells you something that’s important to her, be a good listener, and make an effort to understand her. In return, share things about yourself, like your hopes and dreams. Ask for her advice in various situations, so she sees that you respect her and her opinion. Take responsibility for the words that come out of your mouth, and be more tolerant and calm. Once in a while, it’s ok to back down in arguments. Praise her for the good things she does, her talents and skills. Allow her to be herself, and appreciate her uniqueness and special qualities. Never forget to be a gentleman and open the door for her, walk on the outside of the sidewalk, help her with her coat and seat. Be the strong man that is there to protect her no matter what happens, and the one she can rely and lean on. Assure her that you have plans for your future together, and that you are not simply having your fun and using her. Show that you are not afraid of commitment and responsibility, and are financially secure to take care of your future family.
2. Attention: Enjoy spending time with her, and make her a priority. Let her feel that she is important for you, and that she comes first, and not last on your list. It’s ok to make her feel like a princess with your love and attention. Say that you love her more often, and don’t forget the compliments! Just a simple, “You are so beautiful” works very well. Give her emotional security, and be her best friend. Show her attention by writing a text message during the day that you’re thinking of her. Try to sometimes include her with your guy friends when going out, and say something nice about her in front of your friends. This shows that you are proud to have her by your side.
3. Make love, not war: Take the time out of your busy schedule to make love, and also have wild passionate sex. Women need physical reassurance as well, which shows that you are still attracted to her! Don’t forget that foreplay is very important for women to make them hot and ready. Always have time for cuddling and kissing. In general, try to kiss her more often! Come up and slowly kiss the back of her neck while hugging her from behind. It’s always good to plant some unexpected kisses when walking by her. Be romantic, and give her a nice full body massage. Sex is very important to keep the fire going in your relationship, so get creative!
4. Empathy and compassion: Be there for her when she needs it the most, especially during the difficult times. Show that you care about her sorrows, and help her in hard and stressful situations. It’s also important to be helpful and sympathetic if she’s sick – even if you think her illness is not severe, be there for her anyways. Make (or buy) her chicken soup and serve it to her in bed with a funny smile. In general, try to be as patient as you can with her, and don’t hesitate to apologize if you do something wrong. Show your sincerity, kindness, and make her laugh.
5. Gifts and surprises: Get into the habit of bringing her flowers for no special reason. Put her favorite chocolate bar in her bag, and hide a cute teddy bear under her blanket. Invite her on spontaneous unplanned romantic weekend trips. Even if you don’t like a movie, or foreign city/vacation place that she does, take her there because she’s your woman, and you want to please her. Invite her somewhere new for a romantic dinner, and be creative with your choices. Gifts are not only for birthdays and Christmas, so listen when she tells you about things she wants, and surprise her from time to time by getting her something special. It must not be expensive, but it has to come from the heart!
I know I have listed a lot of things to do, but take your time and do it because you want to, and not because you have to. Actions and deeds speak louder than words. Always remember to never take your woman for granted. If you are not good to her, she will eventually leave, and another man will be very willing to make her happy! Relationships are not always easy, and love can be a real bitch, but if you figure out the formula to make her happy, believe me, she will give you even more in return. Making your woman feel special is not so difficult, and a bit more effort on your part will get you ahead (and even head ;-) and keep your woman feeling very happy!
We live in a time of emancipation, where the women are becoming men, and the helpless men are getting in touch with their feminine side. Great! It’s a real dream come true… not. Since the roles are slowly reversing, and women have begun to grow balls, I sit here and wonder, who pays the bill? I’m still a firm believer in the old fashioned way. I adore the courting, the romance and that vision of a strong, loyal and loving man who you can rely on through thick and thin. I have heard many women say that they can do everything on their own, and don’t need a man to pay for them because they don’t want to owe anyone anything. Maybe it’s time to stop this bitter degradation, and allow men to be men, and women to be women again?
This week I went to the Christmas market in Frankfurt with a good girlfriend of mine. She’s a charming woman, and a great flirt, so I knew it will be a fun evening. The cold winter air, the enormous Christmas tree covered in flickering lights, and the magical carousel made it seem like we were part of a fairytale! We decided to start off the evening with a glass of warm apple wine, to keep up our Frankfurt winter tradition. By the time the drinks were paid and I turned around, my man-magnet friend was already talking to three guys. They were a loud group, but very friendly and funny. Of course the conversation turned to men and women, and then the topic came up, who pays the bill? The handsome one said that the man should pay on the first date. The grouchy cocky one said that the woman should pay, and the crazy loud one said, who cares who pays, as long as they end up in bed! Interesting how men love to gossip about this stuff just as much as woman do.
After screaming around for a bit and showing some mucho admiration, the guys have decided that: the man should pay for the first date, but there should be an effort from the woman to reach into her wallet and offer to chip something in. They even re-enacted a scene for us, as if the bill came and the woman “pretends” to reach for her wallet. I watched them, amused beyond belief. I asked them, “What happens when the bill comes and the woman doesn’t “fake-reach-her-wallet”, but sincerely says thank you instead?” Is it just about the searching-for-the-wallet-move that the men are looking for? But if they genuinely want to treat the lady, why need the fake-wallet-search? After all, a date is a date, or have things changed that much in the lasts years? The Christmas guys had no answer for this.
A male acquaintance of mine, let’s call him Two-F, says that the worst kind of women are the “No-thank-you” ones. He doesn’t mean the ones that always say no, but rather the ones that never say thank you. He once met a woman at a street fest, and they seemed to click, so he invited her to a nice restaurant after the fest. They had a delicious meal, and when he paid, she just shot him a half empty-hearted smile and got up. He found that to be strange because she didn’t even say thank you. She asked if he wants to grab a drink at a bar before going home, and he agreed. They spent two more hours at the bar talking about life, and their adventures. When the bill came, she simply turned around and pretended to look at something beside their table. Two-F paid the bill, and they left the bar. On the way out, the woman looked totally bored, and of course did not bother to thank him for the drinks. Two-F didn’t mind to pay the bill the entire evening, but the smallest gesture of saying “thank you” would have been appreciated. They exchanged numbers and he went home. He never called her again, and after a few months, they bumped into each other at a party. She asked why he never called, and he simply smiled and told her that she’s a spoiled bitch.
So who should actually pay the bloody bill? If a man is interested in the woman that he is meeting, then he should pay for the bill on the first date and see how it goes. Think of it as a small investment. This might after all be the woman of your dreams, and it’s part of the gentleman’s code. Most women rationalize that if the man pays, then he is taking somewhat of a responsibility, and honors her company. To her it also means that he is a generous, established man, and might be ready for something more than a one-time flirt. Besides, it’s a very nice and old-fashioned gesture that is appreciated by the right women. Ladies, I so often hear you complaining that men are becoming weaker and have lost the gentleman’s touch, so here is a perfect chance to let the men be men again! Allow them to treat you to a nice dinner, and show them your appreciation.
Appreciation is the key! Ladies, please lose your balls, and don’t feel patronized if your date offers to pay for you. Accept his kind offer with a warm smile and thank him. It’s that easy! Men want to be kind to us, and make us feel special, but sometimes we don’t allow them this, and take their power away. Then additionally we get frustrated and complain that they don’t treat us well, but how could they if we don’t give them the chance to? This does not mean that the man must always pay, but if he feels that he wants to invite you, allow him to be a gentleman. To show appreciation, be the next one to invite him to a nice dinner. It’s very important to return the gesture and treat him to something nice as well. Life is all about giving and taking. Usually men do not expect a huge gesture of you kissing their feet in return for them paying the bill, but a warm, kind and sincere “thank you” really goes a long way! So gentlemen, bring back proper old-fashioned dating, and treat that special lady to an unforgettable evening, and feel free to pay the bill.