first date

How to “be” on the 1st date

How to “be” on the 1st date 1200 400 Galia Brener

You are standing in front of your closet full of clothes, and of course find nothing to wear. You have a date in 30 minutes! You tried everything on already, and nothing seems to fit right. The little black dress is suddenly too “little”, your favorite skinny jeans are not giving you the long-leg-effect anymore. What is going on? You are nervous because of your hopes and expectations. Let your hair down and relax. Mystery-Man didn’t deserve your worries just yet!


I noticed that my best dates were when I didn’t care too much to impress the guy and was just super relaxed. My horror dates were when I was really nervous and tried to appear perfect for the guy. Another mistake I made in the past was to agree with opinions my date had, even though I did not share the same point of view as him. I thought that would make me lovelier, and it would seem that we have more things in common. Wrong. This would eventually catch up with us and fights would occur. Ladies, please voice your opinions, especially if you really like the guy. Don’t be afraid that he thinks you are stupid or silly because of what you say. Most men actually enjoy an intellectual challenge. So let him fight for it girls!


Order whatever you feel like eating. Do not worry that you must look cute in front of him by ordering something small that you can eat in single tiny bites. Who cares?! Order a huge pizza if you feel like it. Another funny thing I noticed, the bigger and messier meal you order, the cuter it looks to the guy. Men like women that are not afraid of eating a huge burger or bloody steak. It makes you look real and nonchalant in a positive way. I call this soul food. Eating what makes you happy to satisfy your soul. Everything’s good in good measures – keep a good balance in life.


Don’t drink too much alcohol. Getting drunk on a date can cloud your judgment and make you do things you can later regret. I don’t want to sound old-fashioned, but its better if you wait a bit before you have sex with him for the first time. Unless you are just looking for a fun sexy time, that’s ok. What works best for me is to get to know the guy, spend some time with him and let the chemistry and tension rise. Taking your time before having sex will show you if this man wants you for a long-term relationship or just some fun in bed. Men are hunters, so let them hunt and don’t make it too easy for him.


Ladies, use your most charming and erotic weapon… your smile! There is nothing more enchanting than an honest, warm and sincere smile. It always works like a charm! During a conversation: look directly into his eyes, give him a seductive smile, drop your gaze down for a second, then look back up at him, and tilt your head to the side. This move kills them!


Please do not mention how cool and fabulous you are. Do not show off about all of your achievements on the first date. Avoid the feeling that you must impress him or else he wont like you. If you are an amazing person, then this will be evident in the first hour of the conversation so don’t worry! Let him sweat a bit by trying to impress you. Men like a healthy challenge and want to know that they have the best woman of all – so let him work at charming you into being by his side.


Try to keep a relaxed and positive atmosphere. Life is not always a walk in the park, but he doesn’t have to hear about all of your illnesses, debts and tragedies directly on the first date! If you will get closer, then you can open up your heart to him in the future. At the beginning, keep it light and pleasant. Complications are a huge turn off to both men and women. Everyone has their own baggage, so they don’t want to adopt an even heavier load on the first date. The other way around, avoid being an emotional garbage can for those troubled-lost-souls. The broken ones are extremely hard to fix, so unless you want a life-long project instead of being happy, then go for it.


If he bores your panties to death, and you need to escape, talk about your ex boyfriend, repeatedly check your mobile phone, write text messages while he is talking to you, and profusely yawn in your seat while slouching. This should do the trick. If you like him, please try to refrain from the above – especially mentioning how large your ex’s, um, water gun was. But to be quite honest, it doesn’t really matter what you do or not do on a date, because if its meant to be, it will be… even if you squeezed the ketchup from the bottle all over his face instead of on your burger! ;-)



Is this a date or not?

Is this a date or not? 1354 437 Galia Brener

Have you ever met with someone that you liked, went for dinner, maybe drinks after or even dancing, and at the end of the evening you get a hug and a friendly smile with a quick “thanks” and “bye”. You are left standing there wondering, “What the hell just happened? Was that even a date? Or does s/he only like me as a friend?” Rest assured that you are not alone and this strange confusion happens quite often.

My friend Bill met a girl that he really liked. They “hung out” and always had fun. They did many things together like go to shows, dinners and parties. However, Jessica never kissed him or showed any physical interest in him. They never spoke about romance or sexual things. Bill thought that she simply needs her time. He was falling for her, and was in denial without wanting to face the truth. This kept on going for a few months, and still nothing happened. I told Bill that even an extremely shy girl would have wanted to kiss him after a few months, given that she was interested in him as more than just friends. Slowly he was starting to realize that these were not “romantic” dates! I told him to ask her straightforward, but he didn’t have the courage and didn’t want to risk pushing her out of his life. He did fall in love with her in the process, and unfortunately got hurt after realizing that she only thought of him as a “friend”. This can be avoided if you pay attention to the following signs:

It’s a date:

1. He reserves a table at a restaurant and pays the bill.

2. S/he acts nervous around you on the first few dates.

3. There is some physical contact during the date – slight touching of forearm, elbow, etc. while talking.

4. You feel the chemistry and tension between you, and he wants / tries to kiss you.

5. S/he asks you a lot of questions, and seems genuinely interested in you, and wants to get to know you better. They show interest!

6. They compliment you in a flirty way.

7. S/he sends you a “Thank you and good night” text after the date.

8. He acts very chivalrous and is a gentleman, and tries to positively impress you.

It’s not a date:

1. S/he asks you to go to a group event, and doesn’t pay much attention exclusively to you.

2. If s/he asks you to “hang out”, and you end up doing something non-romantic at all.

3. Spending time with a colleague and talking mostly about work, without personal questions.

4. If s/he talks a lot about a love interest or a person they like.

5. Talks about their friends, and who would be a good match for you. Or gives you tips about dating, the opposite sex, flirting etc.

6. No effort with their physical appearance. No one wears sweat pants on dates.

7. S/he is not flirting or playful with you, and no kiss or physical intimacy.

8. They bring a friend with them.

We live in an era full of confusions, where a date can actually be a non-date, or the person you fell in love with actually thinks you are their best friend, and nowhere near a romantic interest at all. Listen to your gut feeling and pay attention to the other’s body language. You should “feel” if there is romantic tension or not, and never lie to yourself. Never run after someone that doesn’t want you, because that will damage your confidence and self-respect. Make yourself available for someone that sees how wonderful you are, and actually wants to have romantic dates with you!

The best advice I can give you is to be straightforward. Communicate and simply ask them in a cute way, “Are we going on a date?” with a smile while asking. This should never be an embarrassing thing to do! Better to say it straight up and know where you stand, rather than get hurt after, like my friend Bill did. We were born with mouths to speak and ask what we don’t understand. It’s so easy, but unfortunately we make it complicated for ourselves. Guessing games suck too much happiness away from you. Don’t guess, just ask.

Sex on the first date?

Sex on the first date? 640 250 Galia Brener

We live in an age where traditions have become weaker, rules are not important and anything goes. Sleeping around is not so drastic anymore. Or is it? I have asked many of my male friends what their opinion was on this matter. I was very surprised that 75% of them said that they would rather wait with a girl that they really like, rather than jumping into bed right away with her. Most of them answered: No sex on the first date!

Here are the reasons why the men said “No”:

1. If she sleeps with me on the first date, she probable does that same with all the other men as well. I don’t want to have a girlfriend like that.

2. If you get sex right away, there is nothing left to top it off on the next dates.

3. We are hunters and need a challenge! We want to work for the cookie, and not get it easily right away. There’s no fun or excitement in that.

4. If I really like the girl, then I prefer to get to know her first. This builds up the passion and feelings.

5. This shows she respects herself, and I respect her even more for that.

Wow ladies, now that’s what I call some honest answers. Hope is not completely lost – there are still men out there with a gentleman-like outlook on life that are looking for true love and not just fast sex. This is very encouraging for us!

This brings me to Ambrosia’s story. She met a guy at the gym. He is average height, has dark thick hair and ice-colored blue eyes. He’s been flirting with her for a while now, and two weeks ago he finally made his move and asked her out. She agreed and was quite excited because she was very attracted to him. He took her out for a very nice dinner and show. After they went for drinks and had a perfect evening. She called me from the bathroom and asked if she should take him home with her. My gut feeling told me – No! I advised her to let him walk her to the door, thank him for a wonderful evening, allow him to kiss her, give him a tight hug, smile warmly and go upstairs – alone. She didn’t listen to me and took him home. They drank more upstairs, got drunk and had wild sex. Starting upstairs, the date lost its perfect magical feeling, and was more about the sex. They both enjoyed it very much, but surprise surprise; he didn’t call for days after. He sent her an sms 5 days later, saying he was busy. She summoned up the courage to ask why he was behaving so coldly all of a sudden. No joke, this is what he replied, “Ambrosia, you’re a fun girl, and we had a wild night. But I’m looking for something more serious.” She was shocked. She told him that she also wants something serious, and he said, “Do you do the same thing with every man you go out with on the first night – calling this your serious intention?” Ok I have to admit, the guy seems like a jerk, and used the situation, however it does show that she left a wrong impression on him.

Most men will jump at a chance to sleep with you on the first date, but are willing to wait if they really like you. Sure there are some couples that get together after sex on the first date, and even end up getting married – but the percent is much lower to those that actually take the time to get to know each other first.

Another thing the guys told me was that if he disappears after the first dates without sex and doesn’t stay around to get to know you better, than he was only after the sex. You don’t need such a man always. Ciao and next! Waiting to have sex is a wonderful and natural way of selection to see who is really into you, and who only wants your body for a few nights. Waiting with sex also allows you to build up feelings for the person, which will intensify the first sexual encounter and make it even more phenomenal. Sex with feeling is the best, even on the first time!

I agree with the guys that I interviewed, because in my opinion, I always like to get to know the man before. We live in a world where everything is rushed – and patience is almost nonexistent – so why not work against this system and take the time to get to know this new person in our life? What’s with this insane haste to have sex? Maybe this seems like old-fashioned to you, but why not go back to the courting era where dating actually meant something special, and not just getting into her panties? I see nothing wrong with letting the man romance us first. Going out for dinners and talking into the late night hours – learning to feel for this person, before jumping into bed – is such a nice luxury these days, so why not allow ourselves the time to enjoy this luxury? Most of the men told me that at the beginning, mental stimulation separates the woman who will simply become a sex affair or their next girlfriend. If you’re interested in the man for just a sex fling then go ahead, jump his bones. But for something serious, please take your time. It’s worth the wait and he will respect you even more for it.

Why rush to have sex right away?

Why rush to have sex right away? 1354 437 Galia Brener

Gentlemen, this article is mainly for you. Imagine this: you go out with the guys and meet a really fantastic girl. You chat with her for a bit, and manage to charm her enough so that she gives you her number. You go home with a happy feeling because this one has something special about her. Of course you don’t wait 3 days to call her because that’s a stupid rule made up by some player guy – no offense. You call the next day and ask her out. You make a date and take her to a restaurant with delicious food. You talk all night about life, adventures and hobbies. Even a few dreams and goals are exposed. She makes you feel different, and you seem to like her. Being a perfect gentleman, you pay for the dinner – especially on the first date, help her with her coat, and open the door for her to exit the restaurant.

The night is still young, so you offer to go to a bar to prolong the fantastic date, because you don’t want to let her get away just yet. You have a few drinks, and see that you both understand each other. But even more exciting than the mental connection, is the physical one. You notice her luscious lips and bright eyes. She’s telling you a story, while seductively moving her hair to the side, showing the perfect spot of exposed skin for you to kiss and bite on. You feel your pants are getting tighter. You look down at her blouse and notice the top part of her cleavage staring back at you. You envision those beautiful breasts in your hands and her hard nipples in your mouth. You can’t handle these wild thoughts anymore, and you lean over to kiss her. Her lips are soft, and you imagine what her other lips would feel like on your tongue. You ask if she wants to leave the bar and go somewhere more private, like her place.

MISTAKE. What is it with you men trying to score on the first date? If not the first, then definitely the second date. I get letters from so many women complaining that the dates start out so wonderfully, until after a few drinks when the guys try to drag them to their place to have sex. Men, what is the matter? What is the intense rush to kiss, make out or have sex right away? I’m old-fashioned, but maybe I have missed something on the news? Is World War III coming, and I haven’t heard anything about it at all? If there is no war, then what else can explain this mad hustle to get into her panties? Yes you feel the passion, and yes you want to have an Earth-shattering, backward-eyeball-rolling orgasm, but gentlemen, you are on the first date here! Please try to keep that eager curious penis in his pants where he belongs in the beginning. If the penis is so difficult to control, then come home and stroke your friend to sleep, but please tame him in front of your new lady.

Ladies, of course if you are looking for a hot night with a hot man, then this would be irrelevant. However, if you are looking to find a relationship and love, I would advise you to wait before jumping into the bed, onto the kitchen floor, on your carpet or shower with the guy. There is enough time for that later on. Get to know him first, and find out who he really is (read last week’s article). A little hint, if a man doesn’t want to wait a while for you, then he is only after the sex.

Gentlemen, if you are only after sex, then you better tell her that at the very beginning. Maybe she wants the same thing as well. But knowing women quite well, I can tell you that most of us are usually in it for the real deal – the love, best friends, matching sweaters, and that kind of nice cheesy thing. So please do not hurt her, and clear this out first. If you are also looking for love and a relationship, then that’s an even better reason to wait. Show that you respect and value her, and are interested to get to know who she is, how she thinks, what she does, and how she feels. Wake up and smell the coffee, or at least her perfume. She took the time to get ready and make herself look beautiful for you, so admire and appreciate that, instead of ruining that special feeling and those nice new clothes. From personal experience the longer you wait, the better you get to know each other, and the more trust and passion will grow. Then when you finally have her, you will feel how amazing it is to make love to a woman that you really admire and respect. Believe me, it’s worth the wait!

Honestly, in this world of faster than fast, where everything should have already happened yesterday, we have to slow things down. I was speaking to my 90-year-old grandmother last night, and she told me about this thing called “Romance”. She said it was something that was very common back in the days when she was my age. She said that when a gentleman would court his special lady for a few months, he would take her out for dinners and romantic walks by the river. He would come to her door with flowers, and would write her love letters. Eventually after some time passed and the couple got to know each other, the man would take the woman somewhere special and make love to her. Back in my grandmother’s time, making love – or as we now call it: having sex, was something very special. It was something significant which bonded the couple in deep intimacy and trust. Imagine that, a time when giving your body to a man was the most precious thing that a woman could do. I was thinking, wouldn’t it be nice for us to go back to the roots a bit? What if we brought back the courting, and getting to know each other phase? And brought back the romance, patience and respect along with it. Wouldn’t that make dating so much more special and meaningful for us?

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