fights

Arguing with your love – can you apologize first?
Arguing with your love – can you apologize first? 1080 530 Galia Brener

I had a long conversation with my friend Heather last week. She had a stupid fight with her man because of a small thing. The problem is that when she is in the heat of the moment, she only sees red. Reason and sensibility are thrown out of the window. At the end of the argument, he told her that he is usually the one who restores the harmony after a fight. This time, he did not want to be the first one to apologize again! He felt like an idiot that was always running to her, so he decided to leave their flat to clear his mind.

After he left, Heather did not know what to do. She felt sick to her stomach. She hated when they parted in anger and sadness. This left her with a feeling of helplessness and pain. She stayed in bed all Saturday morning, crying and sleeping in between. If was afternoon and he hasn’t called her yet. Usually he would have tried to call her at least 3 times, trying to make amends. But this time was different. Nothing came from him and this scared her. She did not want to lose him, because she loved him more than anyone else in the world. Heather called me in the evening, and I could hear the pain and panic in her voice. I quickly came over, equipped with wine and snacks, and we sat down to make a plan.

The plan was quite simple. It was up to her to apologize first this time. I asked her, “Heather, would you rather be right, or be happy?” She had to let go of always wanting to be “right”. Why is there always a need to win every argument? This only makes the fight last longer. The good thing is that they did not continue their argument after he left via digital communication. No bad words on WhatsApp, and no hurtful emails. This saved many sentences that both could have regret later. Is it worth to damage your love because of a meaningless argument and an ego that is too proud to compromise? No! Have we become such an ego-dominated society, that we are willing to lose our partner instead of being the first to apologize or make peace?

I advised Heather to send him a photo of her, with a sweet kiss and heart to break the initial ice. It worked like a charm. He called her back within a few minutes. He was colder than usual at first, but she went in with a mission to melt his heart. She told him that no matter what happens, she loves him very much, and he is the only one for her. She was sweet and loving on the phone. He became much warmer towards the end of the phone call. They hung up and I finally saw the beautiful smile on her face again. It worked!

When he came home, she was waiting for him with open arms. She jumped on him and kissed him all over. This made him very happy. That same night they had some drinks and an open talk. She said that he is very important to her, and she does not want to lose him and their special love. She promised to let go of small things, not hang onto words, to listen and communicate better. He promised to be more patient to her, and work on his communication skills as well. He said that her sudden reconciliatory behavior surprised him, because he was always the one to apologize first. She made the right choice, and her actions showed him that she is willing to work on herself, and their relationship.

If we truly love our partner, why is it so hard to apologize or make peace first? There are a few different reasons that stop us: The Ego. Our evil “best-friend”. It will always try to convince you that you are right. The Ego will try to tell you that making the first move after a fight shows dependency and weakness. The Ego also thinks that apologizing first will make you lose the upper hand and also the control in the relationship. The most ridiculous thing that the small pathetic Ego thinks: apologizing to your partner first is like being the “loser” and the person receiving the apology is the “winner.” How crazy is that? Do we want this small invisible creature to control us and destroy our relationships?

Some people stay completely in denial. They think if they do not “admit” that they are wrong, then in reality they are not actually wrong! They completely ignore and drown their problems. Worse of all, are the people who do not have empathy. These are the careless, cold, heartless people who do not care about others. These are the players, the bad boys/girls, the ones who only do things for their own satisfaction and benefit. If this is the case, then run as fast and far away as possible from them. They will never take responsibility for their actions, and continue hurting you over and over again. These are the dark lost souls that will never know what love really is.

If you truly love and care about your partner, then go to them and make peace. Life is short, and every second wasted being angry can be spent enjoying each other and making love. Even if you were not wrong, you can still sometimes be the first one to make peace. If they love you, they will appreciate this gesture and learn from it. If you see that your partner takes your apologies for granted, then they are not the right one for you. If this is real love, then you will both benefit from the apology and peace. The best way to do that is to ask yourself if being right is more important than having a strong connection with your partner? It’s important to stand up for yourself when being “truly” attacked. But it is more important to be able to let the small things go! Be smart, kill the ego and save the love.

 

‪#‎RelationshipGoals‬ ‪#‎love‬ ‪#‎happy‬ ‪#‎healthyrelationship‬

www.facebook.com/galiabrener

 

 

IMG_9567_LowRes

 

 

Ego kills love!
Ego kills love! 960 960 Galia Brener

Hello, my name is Ego, and I am here to destroy your relationships. I am your best friend, and in fact, I am you! Let me teach you our rules: you better damn know that we are always right! They hurt us, so we must punish them by becoming distant, cold, and letting them suffer. Let’s stay mad, and not talk to them for a few days, see how they feel about that! That will teach them a big lesson, and make them crawl back to us, begging for forgiveness. I am the best, smartest, most intelligent, fantastic thing that exists. I am the EGO after all! My way of doing things is always the best. Everyone must do things my way, because I am a control freak! I must warn you about our enemy “Love”. Being your ego, I want what’s best for you. I take care of you, and make sure you are always protected against the enemy. Love is very tricky. Love always wants me to listen to the other side of the story, and also admit when I am wrong! Can you believe it?! Love requires a strange thing called “compromising”. It’s totally beneath me. I do not do compromising since my opinion is the right one, why should I agree with anyone else? They must only agree with me! If Love doesn’t understand that, then she can drown herself in the toilet. I will be happy to push the handle and watch her flush down, where she belongs. My name is EGO, and I am the only one who truly cares about you. I want the best for you! I adore always saying “I”, since “I” am the center of the Universe!

 

Sounds funny right? Unfortunately, that’s what happens in the minds of most people, including yours. Maybe not to such a drastic extent, but everyone’s Ego has gotten in the way of their happiness, at least once in their lives. 

 

My friend Cindy told me a story about her boyfriend. They loved each other very much. Unfortunately after a few months, both started having problems with their jobs. This stressed them out, and made them fight. They had long talks, and Cindy realized what her mistakes were. She wanted to compromise and make the necessary steps to heal the relationship. She loved him more than the air she breathed. He continued to be cold and distant, even though she made such a huge effort to come towards him, and understand him. She opened her heart to him, and explained why these problems occurred, because she waned them to find a path together for the future. Cindy managed to step over her ego, and did all she could to save the relationship. His mistakes also created problems and fights, but he wouldn’t admit it. With horror, she realized, “How can a man suddenly turn off his love and emotions towards her, when he supposedly loved her so much?” And then the bitter truth struck her. He never did truly love her. A man that genuinely loves his woman is happy when she wants to make compromises, and save the relationship. Everyone is different when entering a relationship, and only compromises can save true love. Throwing something away is quite easy. His ego and pride were standing in his way. He couldn’t see beyond, and it made him weak. Due to this, he lost the person that loved him more than anyone ever did or will. He will realize this as time goes by, when sadness and regret settle deep in his broken heart. By then, it will be too late.

 

To be able to “truly” love, you must drop the ego. The Ego knows no difference between male or female. We all have this evil inside of us. The Ego sticks its wicked claws into the person, controls them, and usually ruins their loves and lives. It must be controlled and not given any power! For example feeling jealousy, or feeling the need to argue with your partner until s/he admits that you are right. These fights usually occur about minor issues, and during times of stress. You might think that the other is taking advantage of you, and your point of view is less important then theirs. My advice to you is, don’t sweat the small stuff, simply let it go! You cannot always be right. What helps is resisting the temptation to always feel the need to defend yourself. This is actually the Ego defending itself. The Ego will win the argument, but you can lose your partner. Think about it, is this situation worth losing your loved one?

 

After this initial reaction to a fight, there is sometimes a need to continue punishing the partner. He hurt you, and therefore must pay the price for this. You give him/her the silent treatment, creating mountains of distance between you two. Who will write or call first? How long will you continue to treat your partner this way after the argument? Until the love completely dies? Actually, you are also hurting yourself in the process of this unnecessary harsh treatment. 

 

You must learn to agree to disagree! Learn to compromise! After arguments, the Ego will always try to trick you with doubts, fear, self-defence, re-thinking/evaluating the relationship, thinking “This doesn’t make me happy anymore, I need to protect myself and get out now!” The cold brutal rationality kills any feeling of love that you both established before. There will be fights once in a while, but you must be ready to let the issue go, or not only give blame, but also take blame upon yourself. Even Soul Mates are challenged with fights, in order to determine if their love for each other is real and strong. Be brave and tame your Ego. Build your own inner strength! This will not humiliate you, quite the opposite actually, this will make you strong and brave! How much longer do you want to be a slave to your Ego? If you are not willing to adjust to each other and work together on your relationship, then do yourself and your heart a favor, do not fall in love at all.

www.facebook.com/galiabrener

Don’t fight, talk it out!
Don’t fight, talk it out! 1200 400 Galia Brener

Love is a wonderful thing, because it inspires one to be the best they can be. However, love alone is not enough to make a relationship successful. For this, love’s best friend, named “Communication” must come in and do its support work.

 

Unfortunately today, more people tend to break up, rather than fight for their love. It’s almost as if we are losing our energy and willpower to hold onto this concept. Giving it up and resting for a bit sounds like a real relief. “So what?” we think, surely the next one, or even a better one shall come along? However, that is not always the case. When did we lose our ability to open up our mouths and tell our partner what we need, feel and think?

 

An acquaintance of mine, lets call her Carla, is married to a national football player. When they first met, they were crazy about each other. They had wild passionate sex in every place imaginable! After a while, the sex went from everyday, to twice a week, and eventually twice a month. It was horrible, because Carla felt rejected and unattractive. This pushed her to do strange diets, which made her walk around constantly hungry and aggressive. Her self-esteem vanished and she even considered some unnecessary plastic surgery to make her husband hungry for her again! One day, we were having lunch, and I told her to sit down and talk to him like she was doing with me. I told her to pretend that he is just her friend and spill her guts out to him. Carla was horrified at this idea, thinking that he will use her honesty against her in some future argument, or that he will think that she is weak and pathetic. Finally she had the nerves to do this. After a bottle of Barolo, Carla opened up her heart to him. She told him things that she never told another living soul! She told him about her insecurity and fear of losing him. He was sure that she would have another hysterical fit like she always did, but this time she stayed calm. Her honest and relaxed way of speaking both surprised him and deeply touched his heart. He admitted to her that he was depressed because she always walked around the house angry and didn’t seem to notice him at all anymore. Plus she lost so much weight and he missed her curvier figure. Carla was so happy to hear this! At the end, both were suffering from the same reason. Lack of communication and honesty! Ever since that conversation, they have kept their communication lines open and are happier now than ever! They saved their love!

 

We have many reasons for lack of communication with our partners. Perhaps we are scared to lose them? Or don’t want to start a fight again and again? Or we feel that they wont understand us? For example, you two are going out for dinner and you make yourself beautiful. He comes home after a long day at work, gets ready for the dinner, and doesn’t comment on how amazing you look. You ask yourself, “Why doesn’t he compliment me anymore?” This makes you sad. You are quieter than usual, and he senses the tension between you. He asks what’s wrong, and you say…”Nothing.” Ladies, we have all been there. Maybe not in this exact situation, but we have all been guilty of saying, “Nothing is wrong”, when in reality, you want to hit him on the head with your purse, like those grandmothers in the classic movies! Wouldn’t it be nice if men were really as psychic as we wish them to be? In reality, they have no clue what the hell is going on in our heads when we say, “Nothing is wrong”, while we are boiling inside! Of course it’s easier to go and complain to our friends about him, but this will not solve the problem. Instead, take the situation into your hands, open your mouth and tell him what’s wrong.

 

With every misunderstanding and fight, you add “frustration drops” into an invisible bucket. Eventually it gets too full – meaning that all the crap adds up on top of the other until it eventually blows up into a huge argument – which may lead to a separation. I also made the experience that men simply shut down at displays of hysterics, screams, emotional outbursts, bitchiness and accusations. Pick a time when both of you are in a good mood and start the conversation in a calm and relaxed way. Do not do this directly after a fight, because both sides are still angry, and open communication will not work properly. Hurtful words will be said because that’s when the evil ego is at its strongest – waiting to defend itself and attack! Wait until the emotions and temper have cooled down.

 

Open your mouth and talk. Try to get over the stupid ego and open yourself up to your partner. If they truly love you, then they wont judge you. By the way, same rules apply for friendships, work situations, family, etc. Be the smart one and start a new way of open communication with the ones you love. It’s worth it! Besides, you will see what a huge relief it is to share your true thoughts, feeling and fears. Don’t fight… talk it out!

 

www.facebook.com/galiabrener

 

_MG_8565

Bitchiness between women
Bitchiness between women 640 250 Galia Brener

It’s Saturday afternoon, and you have a date to meet the girls for a nice lunch in the city. You leave the house wearing your favorite outfit. Your hair is flowing in the wind, and your lips are shimmering in the sun. You enter the restaurant feeling happy and confident. Your girlfriends are waiting for you at the corner table, waiving at you to come over. You get there, sit down… and surprise surprise; you get a nasty look from a woman at another table! The crazy thing is, you don’t even know her!

Why is she looking at me like that? Is the question most of us women ask ourselves when confronted with such bitchiness and undeserved hatred. Why? Simple answer: because of our insecurities. Be honest to yourself, how many times did you judge a woman you do not even know simply because of her outer appearance? All women do this. A sexy blonde gets into an expensive car, and you automatically think to yourself, “Which man is she sleeping with or had to divorce to get that?” It’s shameful, but we all do this. Well my dear ladies, its time to STOP.

Lack of confidence: it is a normal human reaction to elevate one’s own self-esteem by bringing someone else down. Thoughts like these make us feel better about ourselves: “She looks easy to get. I’m not cheap like her” or “She is fat and not attractive, so why do the men look at her?” (This is not an opinion, it’s a judgment). Who the hell are we to judge another woman? The sad part is that by doing this, we are not working on ourselves to become stronger and better women, but rather we make ourselves more miserable and vulnerable. Having such feelings and thoughts about others shows that you must improve your self-esteem. No need to feel bad, many have the same issue, but this can be and should be worked on! I dealt with these issue, and honestly, I think we all have had them at one point in our lives!

Jealousy: one of the most evil feelings that exist on the Earth. There is no reason to put down another woman simply because we don’t have what she does, such as: success, happiness, wealth, a great husband, good body, etc. In fact, you should become friends with such fabulous women, and try to learn from them. If they have this, then they must be doing something right. Being open and willing to learn is the key! Girlfriends are there to help you grow. Jealousy is a nasty little devil that will eat you from within! Best to stay away from it completely.

Fear: of being second best. Or even last. You cant, and shouldn’t always be the best. Why? This is so strenuous! Don’t be afraid that the beautiful woman standing behind you will steal your boyfriend away. Stop noticing that her legs are longer than yours. So what, even if they are? There will always be girls with longer legs than yours. There will always be girls with shorter legs than yours. This is not a competition: you are who you are. That’s it. No more to it. Love yourself as you are. When you truly do, you will see how things will radically change for you! I asked many men about this fact, and almost all of them said that personality and charisma always win! Being bitchy (zickig) towards other women is a waste of time. Instead, work on your charisma and be a kind, charming, friendly and lovely woman. The ego creates fear. The ego sees others who are better as a natural enemy. Do not be weak, and don’t let your ego control you.

A girlfriend of mine, lets call her Karma, met a well-known model in Frankfurt. They went on a few dates, and she decided to sleep with him. The sex was nice, but she couldn’t connect with him on a mental level. She loved having deep, interesting conversations, but couldn’t do this with him. So she stopped seeing him. He called, but she told him that she didn’t feel the connection. After a while, Karma received a letter from a woman saying that she was his girlfriend at that time! The woman accused her of stealing him away from her. She was rude to Karma, and tried to humiliate her. Sadly, Karma didn’t know this at all! He told her that he was single. Instead of being angry at the stupid guy, this foolish woman took it out on poor Karma. Why? This is so evil and cruel. It was his fault. He lied to both of the women! When will we ever grow up ladies, and see that we have to stick together and support each other, instead of hating each other?

We are not animals. We differentiate from animals because we have the intelligence to inquire into the truth and meaning of our existence. If you spend your time being bitchy to other girls, how will you ever evolve and find your meaning here? You need your time and energy to do something real, enjoy life, make love, succeed at your career, travel, sing, dance, whatever… but certainly not waste time judging other women. Doesn’t that seem petty compared to your existence on the planet? You have bigger and better things to do!

Try this experiment (It always works for me): Next time you see a random woman and want to judge her, push your nails into your palm. The feeling is not the nicest, but the pain will automatically stop your bad thoughts. When you give some innocent lady a bad stare, do the same. When you talk negatively about a woman at your work, do the same. Eventually you will stop. You don’t need this evil inside of yourself. Get rid of this, and open yourself up to goodness. Women, like you, are wonderful, beautiful, caring, nurturing, loyal and empathetic. We should support one another, instead of making it harder for each other in this male-dominated society. It’s time to stop being enemies and become friends.

www.facebook.com/yesnomaybegalia

Start Typing
Privacy / Datenschutz Preferences 

When you visit our website, it may store information through your browser from specific services, usually in the form of cookies. Here you can change your Privacy preferences. It is worth noting that blocking some types of cookies may impact your experience on our website and the services we are able to offer.

Click to enable/disable Google Fonts.
Click to enable/disable Google Maps.
Click to enable/disable video embeds.
 
See our Privacy Policy / Datenschutz here: www.galiabrener.com/privacy-policy-datenschutz
Our website uses cookies, mainly from 3rd party services. Define your Privacy Preferences and/or agree to our use of cookies.