fear

Relationship or No Relationship?
Relationship or No Relationship? 622 510 Galia Brener

To commit or not to commit, that is not the questions anymore. Welcome to the dawn of a new era, where some people think that being single is a luxury, whereas marriage with children for them is considered as slavery, or even worse, a prison sentence. My single friends say that commitment has become an old-fashioned theory of the past, and even more so within the last few years. What is happening to our society, and why are people so scared of the “C” word? Could it be that in the near future, we will only be able to read about commitment in history books? Or will romance still exist if we make the right choices?

My friend Gloria was seeing a CEO of a very well known bank in Frankfurt. They met at the JFK’s Bar of the magnificent Villa Kennedy hotel. He was sitting at the opposite end of the bar with his colleagues, and she was there with her best friend. “Tony M” is a very powerful and well-known man in this city. Gloria didn’t know who he was, and that surprised him. They hit it off right away, talking about travel, culture and art. She had a lot to say, and that amused him. She was a hot little firecracker, he thought. He took her out to lovely restaurants, and treated her to delicious food and wine. He tried his moves on her, but Gloria didn’t want it to go too fast. She always made the same mistake in the past by sleeping with men too soon. However with this one, she decided to take her time. Tony was very turned on by this. The more she said no, the more he wanted her. Four weeks later she decided to finally sleep with him. After a long romantic dinner, they went back to his flat. They hardly made it upstairs, and started undressing each other in the small antique elevator. She accidentally ripped his shirt buttons, and her friskiness drove him wild! They had sex three times that night, and stayed up until the morning hours, talking about life, love, honor and adventures. She felt at such ease beside him, like she could really be herself. He caressed her, and his gentle touch confirmed his feelings towards her. She left his flat the next day skipping and singing, elated with happiness.

She waited for his call that evening, but her phone did not ring. They met a few days later, but she felt that everything has drastically changed. There was no more romance or effort on his part. She knew it was over, and this thought made her sick to her stomach. They met a few times again, but it became worse. He was cold and distant to her, and even a bit mean. Gloria called me crying desperately. “Why?!” she asked. “What did I do wrong?” She said they had such lovely deep conversations, so much in common, and such fun together. She thought that he might be “The One”! She was devastated. She couldn’t eat or sleep for weeks. She felt so hurt and betrayed, but worse of all, she felt used like a cheap whore. Gloria is a great woman. She’s smart, attractive, warm, funny and very feminine. What the hell was wrong with Tony, and why did he do this to her? Only a few weeks ago he looked her straight in the eyes, saying how much he liked her, and a month later, she saw him with three different women. Is Tony simply an asshole, or is there another reason behind his disgusting behavior?

What is the real reason behind fear of commitment? I came up with three possibilities:

1. People are looking for “the next best thing.”
Some have a perpetual need for something bigger, better, sexier, richer, more fun, younger… more more more! Since everything is offered by the masses, and there are limitless opportunities and temptations everywhere, the thought of “Could I do better?” often pops up in their heads. There is nothing wrong with searching for your Prince Charming and Miss Right, but to the temporary “place holders” you are dating, you might actually be their dream man/woman. Therefore tell them right away how you see it, and don’t damage them. They did nothing wrong to deserve this egoistic crap, so learn to have mercy. Think of karma, because it will come and bite where it hurts. For the ones suffering in this situation, it could be that s/he is just not that into you. It happened to me before, and I know it hurts like hell, but you can’t force love. Besides, don’t you want someone who truly loves you, and not someone that you have to run after, and feel stupid doing so? Respect yourself, and know that you deserve to be loved. Move on.

2. People have been badly hurt in the past, and don’t want to go through that pain again.
What about, “No risk, no love”? Getting hurt is a bitch, but we have all been there. (Some like myself, even more than once). I always encourage my friends to find their courage and get back into the boxing… or rather, dating ring. It’s a 50/50 chance to get knocked out again, or come out as a champion with the love of your life beside you. Giving into hurt and bitterness by hiding in your own shell to lick the wounds is ok for the first few months, but then survivorship and courage must kick in. You must allow yourself to have another chance in love. Don’t be your own victim, because the next person you meet might be the one you have been waiting for all along. True love is only for the very strong – because if you can handle some knockouts, and after that still aspire to find love, then you deserve it!

3. People want to simply enjoy the sex buffet and have fun.
If you want a serious commitment, keep your hands away from these ones. Who needs a guy who wants to sleep with a different girl every few days? The Internet offers meat… oops, I mean flirts and dates, left and right. When going out, some offer themselves on a platter, “Take me, take me!!” No way. Just thinking of disease opportunities gives me the shivers. When it comes to these sorts of “love phobics”, send them to the next red light district area with 50 euros, and erase them out of you existence. Trust me, this 50 will be the best investment you have ever made, because their disappearance out of your life is priceless! We live in a time where people offer an auction online for their virginity. So maybe “sex-buffet-wo/man” is not the best candidate for dreaming of a fabulous future together. Again, move on. Cry for a day, but be happy for a lifetime.

If you want a serious relationship, stay away from the people with the above mentioned symptoms. These “illnesses” do not have an over-the-counter cure. Maybe the broken heart guy still has a chance, but out of personal experience, these cases take ages to cure, and usually you are left alone and hurting. My advice is to listen to your gut feeling. Put on your magic glasses, and look carefully through the “Lens of Truth”. Play Sherlock Holmes, and pay attention to the small things they say or do, because there are many hints given to you. Also look careful at how they act around their family, friends, children and elderly people. Take your time to get to know them, and don’t give your heart away too quickly. That was always my bloody mistake. But with time, I learned to listen and observe better. I like to think that when you meet people with fear of commitment, it’s actually your angels taking care of you not to fall in love with the wrong person who will make your life miserable. So allow your angels to do their work, and don’t interfere in their magic. They have a nice plan for you, so have faith.

Commitment Phobia
Commitment Phobia 1200 400 Galia Brener

Welcome to an era where some people think that being single is a luxury. Whereas marriage with children for them is considered as slavery, or even worse, a prison sentence! My single friends say that commitment has become an old-fashioned theory of the past. What is happening to our society and why are people so scared of the “C” word? Could it be that in the near future, we will only be able to read about commitment in history books?

 

My friend Gloria was dating an executive director of a very well known bank in Frankfurt. They met at the JFK bar of the magnificent Villa Kennedy hotel. He was sitting at the opposite end of the bar with his colleagues and she was there with her best friend. “Tony” is a very powerful and well-known man in this city, but Gloria didn’t know who he was. They hit it off right away, talking about travel, culture and art. She was very opinionated and had a lot to say – that amused him very much. She was a hot little firecracker, he thought. He took her out to lovely restaurants and treated her to delicious food and wine. He tried his moves on her, but Gloria didn’t want it to go too fast. She always made the same mistake in the past by sleeping with men too soon. However with this one, she decided to take her time. Tony was very turned on by this. The more she said no, the more he wanted her. Four weeks later she decided to finally sleep with him. After a long romantic dinner, they went back to his flat. They hardly made it upstairs and started undressing each other in the small antique elevator. She accidentally ripped his shirt buttons and her friskiness drove him wild! They had sex three times that night, and stayed up until the morning hours, talking about life, love, honor and adventures. She felt at ease beside him. He caressed her and his gentle touch confirmed his feelings towards her. She left his flat the next day skipping and singing, elated with happiness!

 

She waited for his call that evening, but her phone did not ring. They met a few days later, but she felt that everything has drastically changed. There was no more romance or effort on his part. She felt it was over and this feeling made her sick to her stomach. He was cold, distant and even a bit mean to her. Gloria called me crying desperately. “Why?!” she asked. “What did I do wrong?” She said they had such nice deep conversations, shared secrets and dreams, had so much in common and had such fun together. She thought that he might be “The One”. She was devastated. She couldn’t eat or sleep for weeks. She felt so hurt and betrayed, but worse of all, she felt used. Gloria is a great woman – she’s smart, attractive, warm, funny and very feminine. What the hell was wrong with Tony and why did he do this to her? A few weeks ago he looked her straight in the eyes, saying how much he liked her. But month later, she saw him with three different women. Is Tony simply an asshole, or is there another reason behind his disgusting behavior?

 

What is the real reason behind fear of commitment? I came up with three possibilities:

 

1. People are looking for “the next best thing.” Some people have a constant sick need for something bigger, better, sexier, richer, funnier, skinnier, curvier, younger… more more more! Since everything is offered by the masses these days – like on Tinder – there are limitless possibilities and temptations everywhere, so people think to themselves “Could I do better?”. There is nothing wrong with searching for the right one, but to the temporary “place holders” you are dating, you might actually be their dream partner! Therefore tell them right away so that you don’t hurt and damage them! For the ones suffering in this situation, open your eyes to the truth. It happened to me before and I know it hurts like hell, but you can’t force love. Don’t you want someone who truly loves you, and not someone that you have to run after and feel stupid doing so? Respect yourself and know your worth. Move on.

 

2. People have been hurt badly in the past and are scared to go through that pain again. What about, “No risk, no love”? Getting hurt is a bitch, but we have all been there. (Some like myself, even more than once). I tell my friends to find their courage and get back into the boxing… or rather, dating ring. It’s a 50/50 chance to get beaten up again, or come out as a champion with the love of your life beside you. You must allow yourself to have another chance in love. Don’t turn into a victim full of anger and bitterness. Lick your wounds, gather your strength and go back out there again!

 

3. People want to simply enjoy the sex buffet with no strings attached. The Internet offers lots of fresh meat… oops, I mean flirts and dates, everywhere. When going out, some even offer themselves on a platter, “Take me, take me!” If you want to enjoy the sex buffet, it’s your right to do so. But let the person know in advance and don’t give them false hopes of a future together – don’t hurt people, be fair and honest! Don’t do what Tony did to Gloria.

 

If you want a serious long-term relationship, stay away from the people with the a­­bove mentioned symptoms. These “illnesses” do not have an over-the-counter cure. Fear of commitment is extremely difficult to cure! My advice is to listen to your gut feeling. Put on your magic glasses, and look carefully through the “Lens of Truth”. Play Sherlock Holmes, and pay attention to the small things they say or do, because the truth always comes out. Don’t be fooled by their words – actions speak louder than words – so pay close attention to their deeds. Also look carefully at how they act around their family, friends, animals, children and elderly people. Take your time to get to know them better before offering your beating heart.

 

Photo by my talented Mama: Polina Brener. Check out her Facebook page:

www.facebook.com/brenerpolina

 

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Love yourself and overcome your insecurities.
Love yourself and overcome your insecurities. 1200 400 Galia Brener

I would like to introduce myself again. My name is Galia Brener, and in high school people called me “Pepperoni pizza”. I had horrible acne. Grotesque pimples decorated my face, chest and back. I used to cover half of my face with my hair, and walk around like “Cousin It” from the Addams Family. I still have scars on my face and chest. Up until a few years ago, I would conceal this with heavy makeup, but now, I just don’t give a damn anymore. I threw out all of that hideous makeup. Too many years of crying for nothing!

 

Do you feel/think that: You are overweight? You have acne? You are too short? Too tall? Too skinny? Not smart or pretty enough? You feel like an alien alone on this planet because you’re different? Don’t worry, you are not alone. Listen to Pepperoni Pizza’s advice: Who cares what the others say or think. BE WHO YOU ARE, and be proud of it! “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” That’s my favorite quote from Oscar Wilde.

 

These insecurities take lots of joy and happiness away from us. For the first 20 years of my life I felt terrible about my face. Eventually, I got so sick and tired of hiding behind my hair and makeup. Those are just “illusions”. Even through the makeup, one could see the scars and acne. And even through the baggy long clothing, one can see your full curvy (beautiful!) body. So how long are we going to hide behind these “protectors”? And is this really protecting us, or making our insecurities worse?

 

My friend “Honey” is a European size 44, and is drop-dead gorgeous! She dated a man that treated her very badly. He always called her fat. Finally she had the courage to dump him. She was depressed and ate chocolate day and night to comfort her soul. Being a good friend, I ate the kilos of chocolate with her, while crying and laughing together. After we both gained one more clothing size, we decided to go to a party. Honey saw a tall, handsome, olive-skinned man with eyes as bright as the Jaguar XKR-S French Racing Blue color! He is a well-known basketball star (Let’s call him J). She fell in love at first sight! Later on, he approached her with a glass of wine, and they spent the rest of the evening chatting. Today they are still happy together. Sadly, Honey continues with her diets. She looses and gains weight, but J never cares about it. He loves her for who she is. The only person that cares about the weight is Honey herself. That’s a damn shame, because she is curvy and extremely beautiful, but doesn’t see or feel it!

 

So who really notices all of your imperfections? YOU! Sorry to tell you this, but you are your worst enemy. Just like I was mine. I hated my pimples, so I squeeze them. Unfortunately that made them even worse and left scars! It was disgusting and awful. I was trapped in my own dark hell inside of my head. What helped me later was to acknowledge and concentrate on my strengths! Are you good at art, cooking, sports, design, dancing, singing, etc? If so, spend more time doing these things and less time criticizing yourself. Do not constantly talk about your flaws with others. Instead, mention your good traits!

 

Here are a few steps that helped me to overcome my insecurity issues:

 

1: Ignore non-constructive insults, judgments and criticism about you and your body.

2: Let go of past emotional garbage. It’s a decision of letting go and starting a fresh cycle.

3: Don’t try to always please others. You’ll never be able to satisfy everyone. Think of yourself too!

4: Avoid negative and toxic people. Keep them out of your life!

5: Stop your negative thoughts. As soon as they start, block them by thinking of something completely different. Don’t give such destructive thoughts a chance to upset you!

6: Stop comparing yourself to others. Don’t copy others and accept your uniqueness.

7: Attack your worries and fears. Face them head-on! I hated going out into the sunlight with my acne because everyone could see it. I spent my days at home after school, like a damn vampire. So sad and pathetic. Enough! Face your fears! Buy that sexy dress, even if you feel that you are too curvy for it. Just do it and wear it with pride!

8: It’s time to start loving and respecting yourself. If you wont, then the others wont either! Show others how you want to be treated.

9: Set goals for yourself, and when you achieve them, reward and treat yourself.

10: Become more positive in your thoughts and actions. Be happy!

 

Please promise me that once you feel strong inside, try to help others to get to such a wonderful place as well. Look outside at what is happening in this crazy world. We are there to help each other. But before we can do so, we must start by helping ourselves. I wish you lots of good luck, strength and energy for your mission. Everything will be ok!

 

www.facebook.com/galiabrener

 

Brener,-Galia_MG_8454

Kill the fear and follow your dreams!
Kill the fear and follow your dreams! 1354 437 Galia Brener
dreaming
 Well all have those special dreams in our hearts. For some it might be to become self-employed, for others it is to move to their favorite city, build their dream house or start a family. Whatever your dream is, however big or small it is, it’s time to start making those changes and move yourself towards your goal. It’s now or never dear friends and readers.2015 will be a power year for many to finally make those changes. The last few years may have been tough on us, me included, but this year is a time of positive change. Call me a dreamer, or call me silly, but I have the gut feeling that many of you have those special dreams that you shall start to actualize this year. There is a superpower energy in 2015 that has already started to push peoples’ behinds to achieve their goals. All we need is a little nudge, motivation and to face our fears head on!

Fear. It is a primary emotion in all human beings. What stops most people from following their dreams in life? Fear. Fear of the future. Fear of failure. Fear of not succeeding. Fear of making a fool of oneself. Fear of loss. Fear of being alone. The list goes on and on. This emotion blocks and paralyzes people from going after what they want in life. “Quit my job and start my own business? What if I don’t succeed and go bankrupt?” – but what if you do succeed and achieve greater things than you ever could imagine? Or “I will marry this guy and start a family even if he’s not my first or even second choice. At least I won’t end up alone.” – and what if you waited and actually met the love of your life, instead of taking third-best to avoid being alone? See my point dear readers? Fear makes us stick to the safe beaten path, so that we don’t have to take a risk and fail. But who knows what greatness and happiness we are blocking ourselves from if we don’t take that risk?

My best friend Jilli is a perfect example for this. She worked at an advertising agency for a while as a senior art director. She had a great salary and was settled in her job. However her heart always wished to become an entrepreneur again (like she was some years ago). She had many of her own ideas and visions. She wanted to open her own design company and create unique products for companies. She was so inspired and that was the only thing she talked about. I told her to do it. Go for the gold. Dream big. Worse comes to worse, the company fails and she gets another job at a different agency. Well, it’s been over half a year and her company is doing pretty damn well! She succeeded because she put her fear aside. I always told her that if she doesn’t go after her dream, someone else will hire her to make their dreams come true. Jilli hated hearing this sentence because she knew it was true! Now she is making her own dreams come true. Bravo Jilli, a true warrior at heart. I must mention that Jilli fell down a few times with previous endeavors. Yet she always stood back up again and marched towards her dream. We only have this chance now – in this lifetime.

What if you were guaranteed a 100% chance of succeeding? Would that change anything? Sure it would, because it would remove the fear factor. Well my dear, this is the grand year where many of you will be tested to see how much your fears are controlling you. Why not start to follow your dreams now? The fact is that we are not getting younger, and as everyday goes by, it’s another day wasted without a step towards your big goal. So why not organize your plans, thoughts and options and see what you can do to make that first step. Make a solid plan and go for it! I cannot even begin to tell you how incredible it feels to do what you love. Speaking from a career point of view, I do what I love and I am thrilled everyday to be writing and helping people. This feeling is unbeatable. I would not have been here now, had I not taken the big risk to move to Europe 12 years ago and start my own business. Sure I’ve fallen down a few times and gazed failure in the face, but the success and positive outcome made the hard climb worth it. It’s ok to fall down on the path to success – It’s quite normal actually. All successful people fell down a few times and gotten back up again. Those that take the risk of making their dreams come true are the ones that truly live and fully utilize their life. 2015 is literally the ass-kicking year. Either allow it to help you touch your dream or wallow in the safe corner – a.k.a – your comfort zone. And then wake up at 80 and realize “Wow! It’s over. No chances anymore.” So what shall is be, dream big or go home?

www.facebook.com/yesnomaybegalia

Bitchiness between women
Bitchiness between women 640 250 Galia Brener

It’s Saturday afternoon, and you have a date to meet the girls for a nice lunch in the city. You leave the house wearing your favorite outfit. Your hair is flowing in the wind, and your lips are shimmering in the sun. You enter the restaurant feeling happy and confident. Your girlfriends are waiting for you at the corner table, waiving at you to come over. You get there, sit down… and surprise surprise; you get a nasty look from a woman at another table! The crazy thing is, you don’t even know her!

Why is she looking at me like that? Is the question most of us women ask ourselves when confronted with such bitchiness and undeserved hatred. Why? Simple answer: because of our insecurities. Be honest to yourself, how many times did you judge a woman you do not even know simply because of her outer appearance? All women do this. A sexy blonde gets into an expensive car, and you automatically think to yourself, “Which man is she sleeping with or had to divorce to get that?” It’s shameful, but we all do this. Well my dear ladies, its time to STOP.

Lack of confidence: it is a normal human reaction to elevate one’s own self-esteem by bringing someone else down. Thoughts like these make us feel better about ourselves: “She looks easy to get. I’m not cheap like her” or “She is fat and not attractive, so why do the men look at her?” (This is not an opinion, it’s a judgment). Who the hell are we to judge another woman? The sad part is that by doing this, we are not working on ourselves to become stronger and better women, but rather we make ourselves more miserable and vulnerable. Having such feelings and thoughts about others shows that you must improve your self-esteem. No need to feel bad, many have the same issue, but this can be and should be worked on! I dealt with these issue, and honestly, I think we all have had them at one point in our lives!

Jealousy: one of the most evil feelings that exist on the Earth. There is no reason to put down another woman simply because we don’t have what she does, such as: success, happiness, wealth, a great husband, good body, etc. In fact, you should become friends with such fabulous women, and try to learn from them. If they have this, then they must be doing something right. Being open and willing to learn is the key! Girlfriends are there to help you grow. Jealousy is a nasty little devil that will eat you from within! Best to stay away from it completely.

Fear: of being second best. Or even last. You cant, and shouldn’t always be the best. Why? This is so strenuous! Don’t be afraid that the beautiful woman standing behind you will steal your boyfriend away. Stop noticing that her legs are longer than yours. So what, even if they are? There will always be girls with longer legs than yours. There will always be girls with shorter legs than yours. This is not a competition: you are who you are. That’s it. No more to it. Love yourself as you are. When you truly do, you will see how things will radically change for you! I asked many men about this fact, and almost all of them said that personality and charisma always win! Being bitchy (zickig) towards other women is a waste of time. Instead, work on your charisma and be a kind, charming, friendly and lovely woman. The ego creates fear. The ego sees others who are better as a natural enemy. Do not be weak, and don’t let your ego control you.

A girlfriend of mine, lets call her Karma, met a well-known model in Frankfurt. They went on a few dates, and she decided to sleep with him. The sex was nice, but she couldn’t connect with him on a mental level. She loved having deep, interesting conversations, but couldn’t do this with him. So she stopped seeing him. He called, but she told him that she didn’t feel the connection. After a while, Karma received a letter from a woman saying that she was his girlfriend at that time! The woman accused her of stealing him away from her. She was rude to Karma, and tried to humiliate her. Sadly, Karma didn’t know this at all! He told her that he was single. Instead of being angry at the stupid guy, this foolish woman took it out on poor Karma. Why? This is so evil and cruel. It was his fault. He lied to both of the women! When will we ever grow up ladies, and see that we have to stick together and support each other, instead of hating each other?

We are not animals. We differentiate from animals because we have the intelligence to inquire into the truth and meaning of our existence. If you spend your time being bitchy to other girls, how will you ever evolve and find your meaning here? You need your time and energy to do something real, enjoy life, make love, succeed at your career, travel, sing, dance, whatever… but certainly not waste time judging other women. Doesn’t that seem petty compared to your existence on the planet? You have bigger and better things to do!

Try this experiment (It always works for me): Next time you see a random woman and want to judge her, push your nails into your palm. The feeling is not the nicest, but the pain will automatically stop your bad thoughts. When you give some innocent lady a bad stare, do the same. When you talk negatively about a woman at your work, do the same. Eventually you will stop. You don’t need this evil inside of yourself. Get rid of this, and open yourself up to goodness. Women, like you, are wonderful, beautiful, caring, nurturing, loyal and empathetic. We should support one another, instead of making it harder for each other in this male-dominated society. It’s time to stop being enemies and become friends.

www.facebook.com/yesnomaybegalia

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