I like to observe people all around me. Last week I was on the train and saw a pretty young lady sitting not too far away from me. As the train reached the Frankfurt main station, a handsome man walked in and sat down across from her. I knew right away that I will get a nice article from this scenario.
Flirting varies from person to person. Some are simply born with the talent to flirt and charm, some feel awkward doing it, some think it’s cheap, while others are flirt-o-holics and cannot live without it. So what’s the secret to flirting and how is it done in a classy way with the best results?
Back to my train-spying-romance-story. I looked closely at the woman, and noticed that her eyes brightened when she saw him. She straightened her posture and tried to make herself more alluring to him. He didn’t notice a thing. She glanced at him and looked away. The ride was quite long, so she did that many times, but the guy still had no clue. After a few more attempts, she gave up her subtleness and just gawked shamelessly at him. She arched her back, placed a half smile on her lips, and looked fiercely into his eyes without blinking! She looked wild and hungry, like in a cannibal-cloud-nine-bath-salts kind of way. I was watching them, entertained out of my mind – who needs a movie when you have freak shows all over the city? She tried to bat her eyelashes at him – but instead of being sexy, it looked like she was trying to blink her own eyelid away, opening her eyes wider each time. The guy was squirming very uncomfortably in his seat by now. Eventually her “flirting” technique scared the hell out of him, so he got up and walked quickly away. So ladies and gentlemen, now that we know the wrong way to flirt, let’s see how we can do it the right way.
1. The Eye Contact: This is the most important aspect of the flirt-system! What usually works for me is first a quick glance in his direction. If he sends you a glance back, lock eyes for a moment and look away. Continue doing that for a few times, each time locking eyes for longer periods of time. I wouldn’t recommend looking over too often. Besides, you will feel and see if he’s interested or not.
2. The Smile: After the eye contact, comes your time to shine – beam him/her with a warm and welcoming smile, but please don’t overdo it. We don’t want to come across as psychopaths – a.k.a. – Train Girl. A genuine smile is the sexiest thing and guy or girl can wear, because it shows happiness. Happy people are very attractive. As with the first step, look and smile a few times. If s/he smiles back, you’re in! If not, don’t waste your time because they are most likely not interested.
3. The Approach: This one is more for the guys. I’m a bit of an old fashioned girl and don’t approach men first. I feel that if I have sent out the right signals, topped it off with a warm lovely smile, and if he’s interested, he will approach me. Here comes the best part gentlemen – all you have to do is walk over, smile and say hello. Offer her a drink and introduce yourself. No pick up lines, no playing too cool, no wise guy remarks. Just be sincere, charming, warm and friendly. It’s really as easy as that. If this doesn’t work, then move on – nothing lost.
4. Body Language: Do not cross your arms when talking to him/her. Do not lean away from the person – instead – lean in towards them in the conversation. What works well is to imitate the other person’s body language, because that means you are in sync. Don’t hold out on the smiles or act too serious. Be open and relaxed. Make sure you have a good posture and don’t slouch.
5. Be Charming: Ask him or her questions, and show that you are interested in what they have to say – but don’t fake it. Be genuine, and only show interest if it’s there. When talking, a gentle touch on the arm, or a playful push and laugh is always a nice way to create subtle closeness. Don’t brag about how great your career is, or how cool your friends think you are. No one likes show-offs. Respect the other person and show your good manners. Making an honest compliment works really well. Everyone likes to hear something nice about themselves, but don’t get too personal or sexual right away.
6. Most Important – Lower Your Expectations: If you meet someone that you really like, do not start dreaming right away that this could be the one and put pressure on yourself. Men and women smell desperation and neediness – and this is not the impression you want to leave. So if it goes well, exchange numbers and take it from there. I highly recommended going slow at the beginning.
Flirting is a nice way to increase your self-esteem and confirm to yourself that you are attractive to others. It’s a way of saying to yourself, “I still have the touch.” Flirting is great for getting to know someone who has caught your eye and improving your communication skills. It’s also a great energy booster, and puts you in a positive mood. However, if someone is clearly not responding to your flirting, accept that they are not that into you and walk away. Don’t continue, thinking that they are simply playing hard to get. You will see and feel when it’s not working out. Not everyone is meant to be for everyone – that would be too boring. Your turn will come. Do not let anyone bring you down, and have faith that you deserve true love, and know that you will have it. Know your worth, and always respect yourself – if you do, so will others! Go out there and enjoy a nice evening of flirting.