dates

Break your dating pattern – try something new!

Break your dating pattern – try something new! 841 1065 Galia Brener

I have a confession to make. When I go to my favorite Thai restaurant, I order my favorite appetizer, with my favorite main dish, and drink my favorite juice. It’s been like that for the last two years. I always order the same thing, over and over again. Subconsciously I’m convinced that my “favorite” thing is also the “best” thing for me, but is this really true? Can it be that we are dating like Thai food orders, and always choosing the same “type” of person to date?

 

Why do I choose this same pattern? I order the same dish because I know that it will always taste good. The taste does not vary much, so I know that I will always be satisfied. Last week as I was standing in line to place my order, a small mischievous devil popped upon my right shoulder and whispered into my ear, “Galia, come on, be wild and order something new for once! It’s so damn boring!” Of course I was waiting for the lovely mini angel to pop upon my left shoulder and present a counter argument, but mysteriously, it did not! I thought, what the hell, I’ll live a little and be daring. I ordered a completely different exotic thing. I sat in anticipation to walk on the wild side, and waited for my meal. It finally arrived. The smell was magnificent, and the taste was even better! I was pleasantly surprised that there exists an even better option than my beloved Pad Thai, which I have been eating for years!

 

What stopped me from “ordering” something different, was the doubt and fear that something else might not taste as good as what I’m used to, which would lead to disappointment. Then the little voice in the head would say, “You see? You should have taken what you know would be good!” But without risking something new, you cannot encounter different tastes, experiences and pleasures in life. Similar to liking the same foods, we are also the same dating victims. We are so used to dating the same types, and also getting hurt in a similar pattern, that for us it has become almost “normal”! I only know a few friends that date completely random type of men and women, but most are drawn to the same character. We are restricting ourselves with our pattern of similar choices. I think it’s time to order something completely different on the “dating menu”, and enjoy the exquisite, unique taste and adventures!

 

My friend Gloria is the perfect example for this. Ever since I could remember, she was attracted to the bad boys. She called them the heartbreakers that she hated to love, and loved to hate. They didn’t look alike, but they had one major thing in common, they all hurt her. These men shared a certain kind of mystery and nonchalant attitude that kept her coming back. They were all creative types, with the same clothing style and designer flats, with pseudo intellectual friends, and a desperate desire to be alternatively cool. It was as if she was dating the same man over and over again. The last advertising agency owner she dated traded her in for younger tall brunette with big blue eyes, and other big things. Gloria felt humiliated and devastated! It was finally time for an immediate change.

 

A few weeks later, she went to Gibson with her best girlfriend, and had a fabulous evening there. They were drinking delicious cocktails, dancing and chatting with friends. As Gloria went to the bar to order drinks, a guy on her right side smiled and said hello. She smiled back, but was not interested in him. He was definitely not her type, but they continued talking while the drinks were being made. He was actually quite funny, and made her laugh. As she was leaving, he asked for her number. She hesitated, but her friend gave it to him. He was half a head shorter than her, soft around the belly, came from a conservative family, and was a banker with a funny and easy-going attitude. He was the exact opposite of all her ex boyfriends! She avoided him for a while, but he did not give up, until finally they met. The date was nice, and she felt like she could be herself with him. It took her some time to open and warm up to him. However, one date turned into more dates, which turned into a long-term relationship, which now turned into a fabulous engagement party. She has never been happier in her life!

 

Gloria is smart. She realized that something had to change if she wanted to be happy. Most of us are responsible for our own happiness or miseries because of the partner we choose and stay with. A good friend of mine once told me “Galia, it’s up to us to choose well for our future.” If you see that your dating pattern is bad for you, then make an immediate change! Take your friends to a completely different bar, in another city part that you usually hang out in, with different music and new people. Do something you don’t usually do on the weekends. Go out and try new things. New galleries, museums, gym, book or food stores, etc. You need a change of scene and environment. Break away from the old chain that constantly gets your into emotional trouble. It’s time to stop eating the same Pad Thai! Why not choose your next love be a completely different character than you are normally used to? You might be very surprised, and find your true love and happiness with someone that is grateful and appreciative to have you! After all, don’t you deserve the very best?

 

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Where can you find love?

Where can you find love? 1200 400 Galia Brener

Are you ready to find that strange addictive drug everyone is gossiping about, called “Love”? But where can you find it? Just a little friendly warning, your dream partner will not be dropped from the heavens above into your living room. You must leave your flat once in a while, because couch surfing will not bring you closer to finding love.

 

I will start with my favorite thing in the entire Universe: Food. Honestly, who does not love an exotic meal, with unique smells and tastes they never tried before? Food unites people, especially those who truly enjoy it! The Kleinmarkthalle in Frankfurt on Saturdays is perfect because you can browse the aisles filled with delicious fresh food, beautiful women and handsome men. These fellows actually attempt to cook, and are not scared to burn down their flat. That’s 2 bonus points for bravery! Have a coffee in the market, it’s a perfect place to see and be seen. I would also recommend taking a cooking class with a good chef. You can meet someone nice with a similar hobby, and maybe make you own “Crème Brûlée” together at home, if you know what I mean! You can also try art, photography, language, music, dance, and acting classes.

 

A grocery store is full of opportunities. Best time to go is after work, around 7 – 8pm. Accidently drop your bacon on his foot, or let him reach for a bottle of wine on a top shelf for you. Even if you can reach it yourself, ask him for his help. Men like to feel needed, and will be glad to help you. Then start a casual conversation about wines, white or red, which country you prefer best, etc. Don’t forget to show your pretty smile. Nothing is sexier than an authentic, warm, friendly smile!

 

After all this eating, you must burn off the calories. Where? At the gym, golf course or yoga class. I did Kung Fu for a while, because I love action, and sparring with men is really fun. You get to punch, kick, and see how the sexual tension rises! If you see someone you like at the gym, make eye contact with him/her. Do that several times, and in the last few times, smile sweetly and look away. Men are hunters in their nature, so allow him to make the first move and effort to get you. Be sweet, open and friendly, but don’t overdo it. Let him be the ones to charm you! Also, do not underestimate a nice jog, or walk in the park with your dog.

 

After all this physical activity, it’s time to rest and visit a nice bookstore. Sit down and browse through the book you want to buy, or maybe have a coffee and muffin at the bookstore café. Women: go to the cars and sport sections of the bookstore. Men: go to the cooking, gardening, etc. sections. You never know who you will lock your eyes with there! Art, travel, photography, design, architecture, fashion, etc. are also wonderful areas at a bookstore to meet interesting people. Maybe try to finally fix up your home and go to a hardware store. You will find many “big steel hammers” there… so go and have fun!

 

After fixing your home and reading the books, it’s time to put on your favorite outfit and go out with your friends. Nice neighborhood cafés, bars and lounges are always good. Ask the sexy man standing beside you at the bar what he is drinking, because you want to try something new. Give him a warm smile and say thanks. If he’s into you, he will continue the conversation. If not, it means that he might be taken, shy or is not into you. If he is shy, try to make eye contact a few more times, and see how he responds. Smile at him so that he sees that you are interested. This will help him work up the courage to talk to you. Men and women need reassurance. It’s normal to be scared of rejection. There is nothing wrong in showing someone “subtly” that you are interested in them. Try to attend private house parties with friends. It’s great meeting friends of friends, because you know that you will most likely meet nice quality people.

 

Special events like wine or whiskey tasting are fabulous to meet your new love. You can taste delicious new brands, ask questions, laugh and truly enjoy yourself. Go to an old-timer car event with your brother, and meet new men. Or take your best buddy and go on a ski holiday. You are assured to bump into some fun people on the slopes or at the Après-ski bars and resort areas. This will be a guaranteed amazing time, and will give you a chance to bond with your friend.

 

This might sound old-fashioned, but a church, synagogue, etc. are great places to meet someone who is serious, and is looking for a life partner, rather than a few nights of wild fun. Community service, like helping the homeless is also wonderful and good for your karma! Art exhibitions, museums and galleries are excellent for meeting someone interesting. Talk about the crazy painting that’s in front of you, and try to make each other laugh by describing the silly things you interpret in it. Flirt and enjoy yourself. If things flow smoothly, go for a coffee afterwards.

 

Remember dear boys and girls, if s/he does not flirt back, it’s not the end of the world. There are so many wonderful places to go to and lovely people to meet. The partner that is meant to be for you will enter your life when you least expect it! Do not be sad if it does not happen very soon. Everything happens in the right time and place. Give it some time and enjoy your single life. Then one day, you will bump into him on the street, or at a boat party, and you’ll know he’s the one. Be happy and exude positivity! Happiness attracts happy people.

 

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Photo by: Bruno Steinert

 

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