Did a cheater break your heart?

Did a cheater break your heart? 1200 400 Galia Brener

Like I always say, love is a bitch. She mysteriously appears out of no where, forces herself into your nicely balanced life, punches you in the face until you are drunk enough not to know anything anymore and makes you helplessly addicted to her high. Unfortunately this bitch also has the habit of disappearing, leaving you with a half-beating shattered heart, and a painful anxiety that you would not even wish upon the devil himself. This is a very serious issue and I will be quite harsh in this article. It’s about survival and the necessity to heal and move on.


A few months ago, I met up with the girls for a delicious Sunday brunch. The door to the restaurant opened, and Jilli walked in, looking very upset. Her eyes were swollen, and she looked like she was about to collapse at any second. I felt my heart skip a beat because I knew something was very wrong. She looked up at us, her beautiful turquoise eyes filled with tears, and said, “We broke up.” I almost spilled my hot coffee allover myself. Jilli and her now “ex” boyfriend were our example that true love really does exist. My sunny-side up eggs arrived, but I couldn’t eat them. I took a bite and felt the egg sticking to my throat. I asked her what happened. This question made Jilli’s tears roll violently down her face, and she told us that he cheated on her in the cruelest way. It was emotional and psychological cheating. (Maybe even physical cheating, but she didn’t know for sure, because he was a liar!) He was chatting to other women on WhatsApp. He was also sending photo albums and writing love letters to his ex – saying what a good couple they still were, how much he missed her, was thinking about her and even crying because of these memories! He wrote the cheating letter a few hours before entering Jilli’s bed and having sex with her! He didn’t tell Jilli about this, he kept it a dark secret. How sick and cruel!


How could this person betray such a special love? She was ready to marry him and have his children. If the ex wouldn’t forward Jilli this email, she would never know that she was living with a betraying cheater! He had a long disgusting history of cheating. Actually he cheated on all his girlfriends, but Jilli thought that with her it would be different. She was terribly wrong! When Jilli confronted him about the cheating, he played the sick helpless victim role, saying how much he loved her, promising her lies in the air that he will never do it again, that he wants to marry her and she’s the only one for him! He even involved her mother, her best friend and his mother in his sick games! Blah, blah, blah, he said the same lying shit to his exes before. He said that he learned from his mistake, yet he did the same thing to Jilli! He said an emotional situation in the family made him write this email. Pathetic excuse! So what would happen now? Every time he had an emotional situation in his life, Jilli should be afraid that he would cheat on her again? She doesn’t need a weak man without a backbone! A snake doesn’t change its personality. I told Jilli, “Once a cheater, always a cheater!”


She asked me what to do, because she knows my story from many years ago. I’ve had my heart brutally destroyed once as well. Like Jilli, I thought that my world was demolished, and what I loved was being ripped out of my body alive. Months went by, and the pain did not subside. One day while crying in the kitchen, something strange happened; for a millisecond, I felt deep inside myself that if I wont finally deal with this crap, it will deal with me – in a very bad way. Constant painful emotions can lead to physical illness. The hard truth is that nobody needs a sick person. This brought out the fear, and self-protection in me, and I finally woke up. I entered survival-mode.


How did I heal my broken heart? I started loving myself more than I loved him. That’s it. That’s the trick. What does this mean? It means that soulmate or not, you have to take all the love you have for him, and turn it upon yourself, because you must survive this terror. You have no other choice, because if you don’t switch survival-mode on, this pain might destroy you. I have seen people turning to angry bitter monsters because of broken hearts. I have even heard of people falling into deep helpless depressions and not coming out of it for years! Is that what you want? To be stuck in hell for years obsessing about some jerk that cheated and doesn’t deserve you? That’s abandonment and betrayal and such a person is not entitled to your love – you are the one who deserves your love now!


Loving yourself more means living for yourself. Take the first few months to be selfish by doing what you want and when you want it. Your friends and family will understand if you explain to them. Learn to say “No” to others. Loving yourself is also controlling yourself – your thoughts and emotions. As soon as you think of how you miss him, counteract the thought with a thought of a bad thing that he did to you. Remember the bad stuff? It was not only rainbows. Loving yourself is being strong! You can cry for some weeks, but one day you have to get up, find your courage and start respecting yourself again. Loving yourself means fighting for yourself to become happy again. It means not letting yourself sink in the misery of your negative and depressive feelings. If he was weak and didn’t fight for you, doesn’t mean that you also have to be weak and not fight for yourself. If you have a dog or a child, would you allow someone to hurt them, while standing and watching? No! You would jump in, and save them from this evil. Well, imagine yourself jumping in and saving yourself. That’s what you have to do now, save yourself.


Life is too damn short to cry over idiots who take us for granted, cheat on us, don’t appreciate us and actually do not even deserve us. Never ever give your power away by letting someone bring you down so low, that you cannot feel “happiness” anymore. How the hell does he still deserve love from you after hurting you like that? He doesn’t deserve it and never will again. You deserve your own love now! ♥




Once a cheater, always a cheater.

Once a cheater, always a cheater. 1354 437 Galia Brener

Congratulations! You met a great guy who is sweet and wonderful to you. You go out on a few dates, and everything seems to run smoothly. You get the mesmerizing butterflies in your stomach, and feel like you can glide through the silver clouds. Saturday night comes and he takes you out for a delicious romantic dinner. You have a few glasses of wine and feel yourself melting away into paradise. All of a sudden, he mentions something the rips you right out of bliss and throws you violently into hell! Topic? The ex. A few stories are exchanged, and he reveals that he cheated on her. No, “of course” he didn’t mean to. It was no big deal… the love was already over… it was just a kiss, just a finger, just a rub, just fast sex, just whatever. Blah blah – yes you heard correctly. He cheated on her. And of course he would “never” do that to you. Well guess what? Most likely he will: Once a cheater, always a cheater.

My friend Gloria fell for this type of “cheating-gentleman”. They met at an art exhibition at the SCHIRN in front of a piece that he loved, and she hated. He was used to all the girls agreeing with him, so her counter opinion turned him on. Jimmy was very attractive. He was the classical tall, dark and handsome lawyer. Everything on him was made to perfection, and his seemingly friendly, warm smile captivated Gloria from the very first moment. They started dating and she fell head over heels for him in the first week. Everything was going well until she found out from a friend that he once cheated on her best friend. She was shocked but didn’t mention it to him, because she thought with her he will be different, and besides, it was a long time ago. As the months went by, she noticed their time spent together was decreasing. Whenever they were out, he went to the bathroom with his phone, and turned it face down on the table. He had whispered calls, and sometimes didn’t call or text her in the evening and morning. On Saturday he was supposedly sick, so Gloria went to the Kleinmarkthalle to buy him stuff to make a soup. When she arrived at his flat, someone was leaving downstairs and held the door open for her. As she made it to the second floor, she saw Jimmy saying goodbye and kissing a girl that spent the night at his place.

Poor Gloria was devastated, and almost fell down the stairs because her knees were shaking so much. Fucking bastard. Of course he begged and said it didn’t mean anything, and he loved only her. He said it was a one-time deal and would never happen again! He was such a great actor because he even managed to squeeze a few tears out of his cold, lying eyes. Gloria gave him another chance. I pleaded with her not to do it, but she insisted that she loved him so much, and he swore on his life to never cheat on her again. Everything went well for the next half a year, and I was almost beginning to believe that some people really could change. However one day, Gloria found an anonymous letter in her mailbox with a photo inside. The photo depicted Jimmy with a beautiful brunette, having sex in a bathroom of a well-known trendy restaurant in Frankfurt.

This is a horrible feeling, especially if you really love someone. So how do you avoid this in the future? Well, the first and most important thing is your intuition! I like to ask, as a matter of conversation, “Have you ever cheated on a partner?” You’d be surprised how many men have actually answered “yes” to this question! There are also “cheating signs” to pay attention to within the relationship such as: he is spending less time with you, his clothing and style have suddenly or drastically changed, he spends more time in the office “working” later in the evenings, his telephone and Internet habits have changed, he looks – or even worse – flirts with other women, he takes the phone with him everywhere, including the bathroom and turns it face down on the table, he becomes less affectionate with you, the sex decreases, he doesn’t share his thoughts and feelings with you as much as before, he seems withdrawn and less attentive, he takes less interest in your life, he doesn’t talk about his future plans with you, or your common future together at all. Unless he has recently lost his job or made career changes, the signs above may indicate infidelity.

If you have the feeling he is cheating, I would advise you to talk to him about it. Communication and the lack of, will make or break your relationship. Personally for me, cheating is the worse thing that anyone can do in a relationship to hurt me. I cannot and will never tolerate it. Cheating is definitely a deal breaker for me, and I’m not one to give second chances. If marriage and children are involved it might be a different story. Better find yourself a man that will love and adore to be with you, and would do anything to stand by your side. Loyalty is very important for me, and I’m turned off right away when I hear that a man has cheated before. Even if he doesn’t cheat on me, I know that he did so before, and can do it again. I’ve heard too many cases of repeat cheaters, and unfortunately this doesn’t change. If you’re tough enough you can give one chance, but more than one would be absurd. A snake can change its skin, but never it’s personality. If he cheated on his ex with you, he will most likely do the same to you. Think twice dear ladies. Once a cheater, always a cheater.

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