PHILOSOPHY OF LIFE

Damaged from past relationships?
Damaged from past relationships? 1354 437 Galia Brener

It seems to me lately that more and more people are very careful about opening their hearts to new love. I have been speaking to many who have had painful experiences in the past, which have completely destroyed their ability to believe in love again, and take the chance to start a new happy and healthy relationship. So as I sit here on the river main, gazing onto the crystal water, I ask myself, if everyone is protecting themselves like a snowman from the sun, and sheltering their hearts from love bombs, then how the hell can we ever experience true love again?

I have been continuing my research on Tinder for the past month, and what can I tell you ladies, if you think that we are the only ones that have been damaged from past love, then you are incredibly wrong! It is unbelievable how many men I have come across on Tinder that have been slaughtered due to bad relationships. Me being the spy that I am – although with this article my cover is blown – I engaged in conversations with different men about love and relationships. What I learned is that the single ones that want a fling or just fast sex, are the ones that got brutally hurt in the past and don’t have the courage to stand up to love again. The ones that are looking for a relationship may have been hurt in the past as well, but nevertheless possess the strength to try the “big love” again!

I always say, “Love is only for the very strong and brave”. Why? Quite simple, because many people cannot open up their hearts again after being burned by love. They shut down, or otherwise known as “get bitter” and protect themselves like a bulletproof car in a mafia movie. No love bullets can enter their hearts. Sealed, protected and unreachable. In my opinion, this is a great weakness. How could someone shut themself off from a possibility at finding love again? I think that love is the main reason for life. Not success, money, or collecting possessions – nothing is as pure and wonderful as having a true love in your life, so why deprive yourself of the chances to find this?

You must be thinking, “Oh yes Gali, but you don’t know what I have been through, and how painful it was.” But dear readers I do. I have also loved, truly loved, more than the air I breathed. My boyfriend at that time was my best friend, partner in crime, lover and the closest person to my heart and soul. I have never loved anyone as much as him before. We were intoxicated by each other, and his closeness brought me happiness. We spent almost every second we had together, like Bonnie and Clyde. We had so many adventures, where I can write an entire book about it. But one day we broke up. I thought that the Earth would swallow me whole. I was numb, and couldn’t feel anything for months. I locked myself at home, didn’t go anywhere, and lost lots of weight. My world crashed, and I didn’t know how to go on. It was torture.

One day I simply got physically tired of crying over and over again. I was scared that the emotional pain in my heart would turn to a physical one, so I decided to drop the victim role. I had a desire to live, to feel and to truly love again. I wanted to wake up from this horror and join the living again, and so my sense of survival kicked in. I realized that I loved him, but I love myself more. I didn’t want to deprive myself of new love. What for? For a man that didn’t deserve me and made my life miserable at the end? Why cry, and who will appreciate my tears? He definitely wouldn’t. So it was obviously time to move on.

Take the proper time to lick your wounds after a love war, but then move on! I know people that get stuck in love pain for years. These poor souls are torturing themselves for nothing, when they can have love and enjoy life again! Don’t punish yourself, because time runs faster than you think. I realize now how silly I was to cry for so long about a person that didn’t even appreciate me. Please learn from my mistakes and wake up from your bad dream. There is so much beauty, love and joy out there for you to have! There is someone special for everyone, so at least make the effort to open up your heart again in order to meet this person. Love is the most amazing and precious thing in this world, and after going through this horror, I can say that for me it’s worth taking that risk again. The next time you might get lucky and meet the right one, so why miss out on that special chance? Love is only for the very strong and brave – because only the tough ones can get back up and love again!

Happy Thursday ❤️
Happy Thursday ❤️ 768 1024 Galia Brener

My very close friend got married today, and I’m so happy for her. There was lots of love and happiness all around! It’s also the 9th day that I am smoke-free, and I found a balloon that wants to take me to the stars. Plus Germany won the soccer game right now. Today is a very good day. Enjoy life my dear friends ❤️

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Smoke-free since yesterday!
Smoke-free since yesterday! 1024 768 Galia Brener

I quit smoking yesterday. Good luck to me! ❤️ :-)

I finally felt emotionally, physically and psychologically ready to leave the smoking behind. Yesterday was hard at 3pm with the first stressful situation – the brain screamed for soothing nicotine cuddles.

Tonight will be a good test for me. It shall be my first party evening without smoking! However I am a strong girl, and will fight all evil temptations! ;-) I will keep you updated dear friends and readers.

Have a lovely day,
Your Gali

Expectations kill relationships!
Expectations kill relationships! 1354 437 Galia Brener

Ladies and gentlemen, what is the best way to kill a relationship? With expectations! – Especially the unreasonable ones. A few weeks ago I was having our usual Sunday brunch with the girls, and the topic of expectations in relationships came up. It was very interesting to see how the opinions in our group varied completely. One girl said that she has absolutely zero expectation towards her boyfriend – no holding doors, no cute texts before bed time, nothing at all. But the other girls did not agree with her. They expected their men to always be attentive, buy them presents, pay for most of their holidays, take them to restaurants and write them nice text messages at least once a day. However, the funny thing is that the only boyfriend who actually did all of these things was the one of the girl that had no expectations of him whatsoever! He did it from his own will, and not because he was “expected” to do so, and that shows his real love.

This made me think: Isn’t it better to expect less, and see all the nice things that come our way simply as “bonuses” in life? This reminds me of a story about my friend Carla. She met a really attractive guy a few months ago – let’s call him “The turtle”. He was almost 2 meters tall, had a body of a Greek God, bright blue eyes that an ocean would be jealous of, and chin-length thick blonde hair. Whenever she was around him, her body would automatically react to his masculine smell. He made her panties wet with just one strong, tight hug! Needless to say, she was head over heels in lust with him. They started seeing each other, and so the “expectations” had begun.

It all started with her complains to me that the turtle didn’t write her enough. He made little time to see her, and when they met, their time was limited. He didn’t introduce her to his friends and family, and they didn’t spend many weekends together. She was being very impatient with the turtle, and it seems like her expectations were building up more and more on top of each other. They dated for about a month but nothing really changed. Carla was getting fed up with the turtle’s lack of initiative and attention, and decided to drop her efforts as well. She didn’t write him anymore, and stopped the “chase” altogether. The crazy thing was that as soon as she cooled off about him, the slow turtle changed gears to the fast lane, and started chasing her! Since she didn’t care so much anymore, all of the expectations and pressure was dropped on her part. And without the expectations, she was surprised to see how much effort was coming from him now! However it was too late because chasing him for over a month was exhausting. Her passion for him burned out and she was not interested anymore.

Where do these relationship-killing expectations come from? The main reason for them is the evil ego of ours, and the bitch called “sense of entitlement”. We believe the things we expect are rightfully ours and we deserve them. “Me, me, me” the ego likes to scream out loud. But who is to say what we deserve or not, because nobody owes us anything in this world. If you get treated well and spoiled by your partner, be appreciative and see it as a kind virtue. The problem is that when these expectations – big or small – are not met, we feel disappointment, which leads to arguments and hurt pride. Here is a simple relationship formula: No expectations = no disappointments.

Of course I am not saying that you have to accept when your partner is being disrespectful, cheap or careless to you. I am referring to the superficial unreasonable expectations. Not only are you putting pressure on him, but on yourself as well. Take it easy, relax and allow him to show you his true colors. Most likely being the gentleman that he is, he will invite you to nice dinners and spoil you a bit, but don’t take that as a given and a must. After you let go of all the expectations, and you still have problems with your partner, you must ask yourself, “Maybe we don’t speak the same love language?” Meaning, maybe you don’t fit well together. At the end of the day, it’s your life, and you must do whatever is good for you. But keep in mind that expectations are a killer for relationships, so the more easy-going you are, the more you shall be open to wonderful and positive surprises. So far for my 33 years, I have learned that somehow life always delivers more when less is expected.

Better single than to be together with an idiot
Better single than to be together with an idiot 1354 437 Galia Brener

If you happen to be single right now, you probably have a few moments that pass by when you feel lonely, or might be longing for love and affection. The good news is that this is absolutely normal!

No, you are not desperate or pathetic! Every human being wants to be loved and cherished. It’s human nature to want to have someone by your side to lean on and love, rather than being alone. However, sometimes having “someone” by your side comes with a price that you might not want to pay. The question is, how much negativity are you willing to take just so that you are in a relationship, and not alone? Keep in mind that being single does not necessarily mean being “alone”.

My close friend Claudia went through something which proved that being single is not as bad at it may sound. She was together with her ex for a few years. When they first met, it was love at first sight. She was absolutely sure that he was her soulmate, and the man that she has been waiting her entire life for. In the beginning he romanced and charmed her beyond belief. He did everything to make her his woman, and spent every spare moment he had with her. Of course she was on cloud nine because she never thought that love could be this wonderful and intense. After only a few months, they moved in together, and she couldn’t believe how lucky she was. All her friends said that they were a dream couple. He was tall, blonde and handsome, and she looked like a fair princess beside him, also quite tall with dark brown hair and a beautiful slim figure. Wherever they went, heads would turn everywhere, and all of the attention was always on them. They were literally like a couple out of a fairytale.

The first year went by wonderfully, but towards the end of the year, the fights have started and they had unfortunate miscommunication issues. Both of them were very proud and admitting their fault was quite difficult. He was 10 years older than her, and had a nasty stubborn attitude at times. As the second year went by, it got to a point where he was simply mean to her. He didn’t respect her opinion anymore, and didn’t advise with her on the important things in his life, which made her feel stupid and useless. He didn’t want to cuddle with her, and the sex became very rare. He was quickly annoyed and aggravated by her words, and kept her on a very short leash, always getting moody when he didn’t like something. It became intolerable to live with him. She cried very often, and they got to the point where they fought every day. All she wanted was some love and attention back from him, but the more effort she made to get closer to him, the more he backed off. It seemed like he was not planning her into his life anymore. He was simply shutting her out, and just didn’t seem to love her anymore. He said there was no one else, but she never really found out. Eventually they broke up, and her heart was shattered into miniscule pieces. She heard that a few months later, he had already found a new woman – an unattractive grey mouse that didn’t even come close in comparison with her!

As hard as it was for Claudia, she was forced to move on. I told her to take her time, and find peace inside of her heart again, but she was desperate to move on quickly, and avoid being alone. I told her that she was not alone – she had her family and friends. But no, she wanted a new boyfriend as soon as possible just to avoid being single at all costs. And so she met a new guy. When she introduced him to us, I felt that there was something not honest about him. He was incredible good looking, but that seemed to be the only thing he had going for him. It turned out that I was right, because he was a player. He didn’t make enough time to see her, only once a week. Every time she wrote him, it would take him a day or three to answer. He made it a habit to disappear on the weekends, and never invited her to join him. He didn’t invite her with his friends, and she never met his family. She was even more miserable being stuck with the second man now who was simply not good enough for her. I told her to leave him behind and come back to herself again. She needed time for her emotions to stabilize again so that she could be happy, healthy and strong just by being single, and not desperately needing a man by her side.

Ladies and gentlemen, trust me, it’s better being single than together with an idiot that doesn’t respect, love or deserve you. And even after a breakup, take the time to be on your own, rather than jump on the next “thing” that comes along. Take the time to enjoy your life, meet your friends, spend time with your family, travel, take care of your body, and do the things you never had time for when you were in a relationship. There is really no need to rush – and take just “anyone” who is much below your standards. I have heard of men who take a complete opposite of their ex girlfriend – someone who might be a more “motherly-figure”, older, not so pretty or dynamic, who doesn’t care about her appearance and food consumption. Many men downgrade into a comfort zone to get over an ex that they couldn’t keep up with, or live in her shadow. That’s really sad. So my suggestion is to really take your time and not rush into something that’s only half decent than you are used to. Enjoy being single, and your fabulous life! Do yourself a favor – don’t ever settle for second best!

The Evil “Friend”
The Evil “Friend” 1354 437 Galia Brener

Be careful whom you let into your life, because some women are cruel, egoistic, conniving, and have an ice block where the heart is meant to be – and they will stop at nothing to get what they want. They are like a vampiric hurricane that storms into your life, sucks out your energy, destroys the love you have with your man, copies your identity and style, spoils your good friendships and contacts, kills your career, ruins your life and “innocently” walks away after. However, can such an evil girlfriend simply get away with such brutal behavior, or will Lady Karma eventually catch her by the hair, and make her wish that she was never born? To all the evil girlfriends out there, rest assured that Karma will always strike back.

This brings me back to a very unfortunate situation that my friend Ambrosia went through last year. She had a good friend whom she has known for many years – let’s call her “GreyMouse”. These two did everything together. They were the classical definition of best friends, and were literally inseparable. One day, Ambrosia met a really wonderful guy. They fell in love quickly, and started a warm, passionate and intense relationship. They had some occasional fights, but the love was quite strong. Strangely though, after Ambrosia met her love, she felt that GreyMouse was acting weird towards her. She felt jealousy and hatred coming from her. She was saying and doing things that hurt her very much, but because Ambrosia has a heart of gold, she let a few things go, keeping in mind that GreyMouse was her “very good friend”. This however had already created a huge warning sign blinking in Ambrosia’s head!

One day the bomb was dropped! After a year and a half of being together with her man, Ambrosia was trying to keep the relationship strong because they had some fights and problems along the way. They were at a very sensitive point, where a drama would destroy their bond. That’s exactly what happened. One evening they went out for dinner in a large group. GreyMouse sat beside Ambrosia’s boyfriend, and she was flirting with him while some funny stories were told. She wrapped her hands around his biceps saying how strong he was, and even poked her finger inside of his shirt, joking about his muscular hairy chest. Ambrosia hated it, but let it go, knowing that she was her good friend. Later on she saw GreyMouse talking to her guy outside, and wondered what the secrecy was all about. As she approached them, she heard GreyMouse saying, “…but you have to know something about Ambro, she likes to argue, have fights and needs drama in her life! She lives on it.” Ambrosia stopped mid-step and felt like the Earth was removed from her feet. What a vicious betrayal! After that sentence, her guy looked at her with completely different eyes. They broke up a month after this scenario, and in their last fight, he said, “GreyMouse was right! You just love to argue and need this drama in your life! I don’t want this anymore.” That hit her like a block of cement on the face! GreyMouse implanted a thought in his head that night, and he subconsciously accepted it as a “fact”. His mind registered: “If her best friend says this about her, then it must be true, because she knows her better than I do, so I will believe it”. Then it was over.

Ambrosia was destroyed for many months after that. She took the breakup very hard and was not able to move past it for a long while. Her heart was shattered into a million pieces! Why the hell did her friend say this awful crap about her to her boyfriend? What was the need to betray her in such a cruel way? But such evil actions never go unpunished. Karma will always fly down to do her job properly. She is a lady on a mission, and she misses nothing and no one! Sometimes it takes a week, sometimes it takes some years, but Karma’s work always gets done! Evil also has a way of functioning like a boomerang – and it will strike back the person that released it in the first place. Ambrosia heard that GreyMouse has some misfortunes in her life. She told me last week that she wishes no one harm, but as we see, Lady Karma always completes her work.

Ladies, please choose carefully who you allow to enter your lives. Not everyone is genuinely happy for you! – Especially not those evil women pretending to be your good friends. Therefore, share as less as possible about your life and relationship details. The less personal information you expose to such snakes, the less jealousy and destruction will occur. Unless it’s a super trusted old friend, otherwise keep your business to yourself! Open up your eyes and pay attention to the small signs and things these people say and do. If you feel that something is not right, it usually isn’t. If you see there is too much jealousy and negativity, the best method is to remove them from you life immediately. Hatred and jealousy should not have a place in your life, and you must not let such people close to you, otherwise you will regret it. Like my Mama always says, “Who needs enemies if one has such evil friends!” So please be careful and look closer at whom your real friends are. Remove poisonous women out of your life – the sooner, the better!

Tinder-licious or a waste of time?
Tinder-licious or a waste of time? 514 193 Galia Brener

Tinder Tinder on the wall, who’s the greatest one of all? No one bloody knows because the app is so full of people and fast that it’s like speed dating on crystal meth! If you think a 2-minute dating interview is quick, then welcome to Tinder – dating at the speed of light. Click, “Nope”, click “Nope”, a fast “Heart” in between and 25 “Nopes” again – all in a matter of 30 seconds! However, do we really want to date faster than a Big Mac is made? Or would we like to go back to the roots and date the old-fashioned way – where people actually took the time and cared to truly get to know each other in a sincere way!

It was a warm spring evening a few weeks ago, and we were drinking Champagne underneath the starry sky in a beautiful castle garden. The wedding invitation came from my friend Cindy, who was the stunning bride, marrying a handsome tall blonde gentleman from Hamburg. A warm wind was gently blowing, the band was mesmerizing us with their music, and the food was an exotic celebration in itself. We saw Cindy rushing towards us, and the beautiful glow on her face was competing with the bright sun. “Gali Gali, I am so happy, it’s the best day of my life! I’m actually marrying my prince charming, so the fairytale does exist! I can’t believe we met on Tinder, can you imagine?!” At the mention of Tinder, I looked up at her with a huge smile on my face, “Ah ha! Gotcha! Cindy you told me that you were introduced to each other through friends.” I had to laugh because the look on her face reminded me of a naughty little girl. “Gali, you always catch me when I least expect it! Yes we met on Tinder but don’t tell anyone please, it’s embarrassing.” I assured her that it’s not embarrassing whatsoever. Who cares how they met as long as they are blessed with true love, that’s what matters. Last week I’ve heard another Tinder success story, so I had to try it out for this article, but let me tell you, it was not all cookies and cream.

My first day I was on Tinder, I saw three boyfriends of girls that I know in Frankfurt. I was shocked beyond belief. I thought maybe the accounts were old, but it said they were online a few hours ago! The second day I spotted two husbands of women that I know as well! Unbelievable, because I thought these couples were extremely happy and hopelessly in love… surprise surprise. I wonder if these women know that their men are flirting and cheating on Tinder? Girls if you want to find out, sign up and see if your guy is there – but be careful what you look for, you might just happen to find it! Hopefully after this article the guys will be scared to get caught, leave Tinder, and stop cheating all together – my romantic wishful thinking of course.

I have come across many men that are there just for fun, and would like a quick affair. What helps is to ask right up front, “What are you looking for on Tinder?” Sometimes after a match was made, some men did not write the initial message. They expect the women to make the first contact. Really guys? No, thank you. I know we live in an age of emancipation, but I’m a bit old-fashioned, and like when the man writes me first. They are hunters so let them hunt! The “Tinder-Attention-Span” is very short – you write for half a day, and if you don’t keep up the conversation, things get forgotten and the connection dies out quickly. Why? Because there are thousands of other people “available” online who are willing to do what you’re not. It’s like children in a candy shop – so many options, why just choose one? Another story is that a woman ordered two men from Tinder to meet her at the same bar, at the same time, but the two guys happened to be close friends! They both showed up, said hello, laughed and walked away – the joke was on her.

I must say that I did chat with a few very nice, warm, intelligent, kind and funny men. I had interesting and deep conversations about life, relationships, adventures, career, goals and dreams. These were the ones that told me right away that they are looking for something real, and not just a quick affair. I was really impressed. However I must admit that I did not meet anyone – even though many wanted to. I’m wary of safety and don’t like to meet strangers. The conclusion of my experiment is that many people are there for fun and “games”. I had to laugh because when you get a match on Tinder, they give you an option to “Send a Message” or “Keep Playing” – so yes, for some it’s just a game to see how many people like them, and how many panties they can take off in one week. For those that are patient enough to keep searching through the profiles, try it for a few weeks and see what happens – you never know – you might be the lucky one to find a real diamond in the rough. My personal opinion is that Tinder is not an option to find true love, because it seems to be quite superficial – click, click, next, next. Nonetheless, it is very entertaining because it’s like ordering sushi online in a restaurant you don’t know, where some of the photos look delicious. When the delivery arrives, you never know if you receive delicious food, or something that looks good on the outside, but tastes horrible when you bite it. Better ask for their Facebook profile, because some photos look much different than the few they post on Tinder. If you’re bored or curious, try it out, but I wouldn’t recommend you to hope to find your true love there. Like Tinder itself says on their app – it’s a “game” – so you are either a player… or the coach! ;-)

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