rush to have sex

Can sex really be just “casual”?

Can sex really be just “casual”? 1200 400 Galia Brener

We live in an unfortunate time where dating different partners is as easy as owning many pairs of shoes. Whenever a newer, sought-after style comes out, we quickly forget the studded-sneaker of last year, and run to the stores to buy something new. As soon as these shoes go out of style, there will surely come something newer, shinier, and prettier… but does that automatically make it better? Just like we change and throw out our shoes, our society has made it acceptable to do the same with partners that we date and sleep with. Why did this become a “made-for-one-time-use-only” disposable generation? Like the answers to a multiple test in school: A, B, C, D, all, or none of the above – we live in a multiple-choice society!


Jules and I went for a Bloody Mary at Vai Vai last week. She told me that she met a nice guy at a party in Frankfurt. That evening they had a long chat about life, relationships, philosophy, and other fascinating topics. After the party, they kept in touch, and have decided to meet again. They had a wonderful evening of delicious food and drinks, and ended up going to his place. This mystery man was fascinated with Jules, kissing her all the way up the stairs to his flat. They laughed, shared some private jokes, and had passionate sex into the early morning hours. After waking up, they had some coffee, and she left. A week has passed, and Jules is still waiting for him to call. Meanwhile, our mystery man has disappeared. For him, it was just casual sex. For her, it was not so casual!


Casual Sex: how do you feel the next morning, after the glittery glamorous butterfly effects of the alcohol has worn off, the make-up is smeared all over the face, the person you shared your body with is sleeping on the other end of the bed, back turned to you, and you feel… empty. The heart wants more. It wants to be hugged, caressed, loved, cuddled and be assured that the world is a beautiful and bright place to live in. But reality strikes when you open your eyes the next morning, and see the look in the other’s face, the looks that says without words, “Please leave my flat, I do not want to deal with you in my bed now… or ever.” That’s the look that makes you get dressed as quickly as possible, leave the scene of the crime, take the torturous walk of shame home, and try to forget that this ever happened. Do we really ever forget these events? Or do they haunt and torture us, taking with them a small piece of our heart, leaving a tiny empty hole.


Expectation management: There are some that simply love sex. They adore the exploration of the body, having a thrilling night of passion and seduction, without any strings attached. They think: why settle down for one, when there can be a new one as often as wanted? Instead of one pair of Louboutin sneakers, why not have 10 in all different colors!? It’s casual sex between two consenting adults – but this should be discussed before jumping into bed, so that nobody gets hurt afterwards. It has been observed that women are more likely to want more from a man after sex, whereas for some men, it is simply casual sex. However, this is not to say that the roles cannot be reversed. But usually women connect on an emotional level, whereas men tend to connect on a physical level.


What must be avoided is leading someone on with fake promises and illusions! This reminds me of a story that Gloria told me once. Years ago, she dated a guy for a few weeks – let’s call him “Fork-Man”. A few summers ago she saw him at a street fest in the city. They had a warm reunion and went to her house for a delicious glass of Barolo and a heart-to-heart conversation. He showered her with promises of a beautiful future together. She was looking into his bright blue eyes, charmed with every word that came out of his mouth. She figured that since they knew each other from the past, he would not lie to her. Gloria gave into his hypnotic tales of a “happy life together” and had sex with him. The next day he got dressed and left. It dawned upon her that his intentions were never true! He disgustingly lied his way into a night of casual sex with her. “Fork-Man” is a Frankfurt banker that comes from a small village. He is an empty walking ghost without happiness and joy for life. His selfishness and anger comes from the fact that he never got the proper love and warmth at home as a child. Therefore he became a bitter man who hurts and uses everyone else. Later, Gloria found out that Fork-Man has been calling and trying to sleep with a friend of hers as well. He knew that both girls know each other!


Saying all of the above, there have been times where casual sex has led to true love. I even know a couple that started dating and got engaged shortly after. Fairytales do come true. Fate is a marvelous thing that can surprise you! But be prepared that if you do have casual sex, the person you slept with might not call you the next day or even the next weeks. That’s the risk you are taking. Even if for you it was special, for him/her it might only be “casual” sex and nothing more.



Why rush to have sex right away?

Why rush to have sex right away? 1354 437 Galia Brener

Gentlemen, this article is mainly for you. Imagine this: you go out with the guys and meet a really fantastic girl. You chat with her for a bit, and manage to charm her enough so that she gives you her number. You go home with a happy feeling because this one has something special about her. Of course you don’t wait 3 days to call her because that’s a stupid rule made up by some player guy – no offense. You call the next day and ask her out. You make a date and take her to a restaurant with delicious food. You talk all night about life, adventures and hobbies. Even a few dreams and goals are exposed. She makes you feel different, and you seem to like her. Being a perfect gentleman, you pay for the dinner – especially on the first date, help her with her coat, and open the door for her to exit the restaurant.

The night is still young, so you offer to go to a bar to prolong the fantastic date, because you don’t want to let her get away just yet. You have a few drinks, and see that you both understand each other. But even more exciting than the mental connection, is the physical one. You notice her luscious lips and bright eyes. She’s telling you a story, while seductively moving her hair to the side, showing the perfect spot of exposed skin for you to kiss and bite on. You feel your pants are getting tighter. You look down at her blouse and notice the top part of her cleavage staring back at you. You envision those beautiful breasts in your hands and her hard nipples in your mouth. You can’t handle these wild thoughts anymore, and you lean over to kiss her. Her lips are soft, and you imagine what her other lips would feel like on your tongue. You ask if she wants to leave the bar and go somewhere more private, like her place.

MISTAKE. What is it with you men trying to score on the first date? If not the first, then definitely the second date. I get letters from so many women complaining that the dates start out so wonderfully, until after a few drinks when the guys try to drag them to their place to have sex. Men, what is the matter? What is the intense rush to kiss, make out or have sex right away? I’m old-fashioned, but maybe I have missed something on the news? Is World War III coming, and I haven’t heard anything about it at all? If there is no war, then what else can explain this mad hustle to get into her panties? Yes you feel the passion, and yes you want to have an Earth-shattering, backward-eyeball-rolling orgasm, but gentlemen, you are on the first date here! Please try to keep that eager curious penis in his pants where he belongs in the beginning. If the penis is so difficult to control, then come home and stroke your friend to sleep, but please tame him in front of your new lady.

Ladies, of course if you are looking for a hot night with a hot man, then this would be irrelevant. However, if you are looking to find a relationship and love, I would advise you to wait before jumping into the bed, onto the kitchen floor, on your carpet or shower with the guy. There is enough time for that later on. Get to know him first, and find out who he really is (read last week’s article). A little hint, if a man doesn’t want to wait a while for you, then he is only after the sex.

Gentlemen, if you are only after sex, then you better tell her that at the very beginning. Maybe she wants the same thing as well. But knowing women quite well, I can tell you that most of us are usually in it for the real deal – the love, best friends, matching sweaters, and that kind of nice cheesy thing. So please do not hurt her, and clear this out first. If you are also looking for love and a relationship, then that’s an even better reason to wait. Show that you respect and value her, and are interested to get to know who she is, how she thinks, what she does, and how she feels. Wake up and smell the coffee, or at least her perfume. She took the time to get ready and make herself look beautiful for you, so admire and appreciate that, instead of ruining that special feeling and those nice new clothes. From personal experience the longer you wait, the better you get to know each other, and the more trust and passion will grow. Then when you finally have her, you will feel how amazing it is to make love to a woman that you really admire and respect. Believe me, it’s worth the wait!

Honestly, in this world of faster than fast, where everything should have already happened yesterday, we have to slow things down. I was speaking to my 90-year-old grandmother last night, and she told me about this thing called “Romance”. She said it was something that was very common back in the days when she was my age. She said that when a gentleman would court his special lady for a few months, he would take her out for dinners and romantic walks by the river. He would come to her door with flowers, and would write her love letters. Eventually after some time passed and the couple got to know each other, the man would take the woman somewhere special and make love to her. Back in my grandmother’s time, making love – or as we now call it: having sex, was something very special. It was something significant which bonded the couple in deep intimacy and trust. Imagine that, a time when giving your body to a man was the most precious thing that a woman could do. I was thinking, wouldn’t it be nice for us to go back to the roots a bit? What if we brought back the courting, and getting to know each other phase? And brought back the romance, patience and respect along with it. Wouldn’t that make dating so much more special and meaningful for us?

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