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You’re having an affair?
You’re having an affair? 514 193 Galia Brener
We live in a world where things move faster than the speed of light – unfortunately sometimes, even love as well. Values are being replaced with smartphones, and morals are sniffed up the nose in forms of white powders. Wives cheat on Tinder, and husbands run to prostitutes. What is left from the old-fashioned thing, once called “true love”? I’m sure you have all heard of horror stories about affairs amongst your friends, or have seen it in movies. So I ask myself, how many of those cheating affairs actually have a happy ending?

My friend Gloria met a man two years ago. “B-Liar” was exceptionally handsome, tall with dark blond hair and piercing blue eyes. He was very charming, and quite the smooth operator. He was flawless, and even more beautiful than the painting of Dorian Gray. Oscar Wilde would do flips in the air if he saw B-Liar. He was quite generous, and invited Gloria on a holiday the first month they met. She noticed that he always put his phone face down on the table, and kept it on silent or closed most of the time. She didn’t think much of it, only that he was trying to spend quality time with her, without interruptions. Yeah right. When they came back, he spent many wonderful evenings in her flat, but always left early in the morning and never had much time on the weekends for her – saying that he’s busy, or must work at the office during the weekend. He also never took her to his flat – making an excuse that it’s being renovated, and that he lives in a hotel at the “moment”. The months passed by and she was already very deeply in love with him. She said, “Gali, I know that he’s the one! I feel it so deep inside, I’m sure of it!”

One evening, I was at the beautiful Christmas market in Frankfurt, enjoying a hot warm glass of Feuerzangenbowle with the girls. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Mr. B-Liar walk by, hugging Gloria. As I was approaching them from behind, I saw that they started kissing very passionately in front of the Christmas tree. I was so happy for my dear Gloria. Being the silly monkey that I am, I jumped on her and gave her a huge bear hug from behind. What happened next was the shock of a lifetime for me! She turned around, and it was not Gloria! She looked at me like I just dropped down form the moon, and I accidentally spilled my entire Feuerzangenbowle on B-Liar. He introduced her as his wife, and I was shocked and speechless! He looked very scared and begged me with his eyes not to say anything. His wife was very confused, and I realized it was time to make my exit. I told the girls I have to leave, and went straight to Gloria’s flat. I felt so miserable. How the hell should I tell my good friend such horrendous news, when she thinks he’s the one? I bought a bottle of Belvedere on the way, because I knew this would be a tough evening for my poor sweet darling.

I told Gloria that B-Liar is married. It hurt me so much to see the gruesome pain settle in her eyes and heart. It was a gut-wrenching night, one of the worst I’ve ever had. I have never heard someone cry with so much agony. How could he have hidden it for so many months from her? Of course he tried to blind her with the usual, “I don’t love her anymore, and we don’t have sex at all. It’s too expensive to get a divorce at the moment. I will leave her soon, you’re the only one for me. I love you so much baby” bullshit! However, Gloria loved him to death, and couldn’t let him go. He showered her with promises to leave his wife. She waited and waited, and wanted him even more. She cries often now, and happiness has not visited her heart for a while. She is living on standby. It’s horrific to see my friend so broken! I tell her to leave him, and stop this insanity at once! But she doesn’t, because he promised to be with her. Well, it’s been almost two years now and nothing has changed. Gloria is the other woman. His promises are empty, and only fuel her false hope of a happy future together. But like with most affair cases, he will never leave his family.

Ladies, and also gentlemen – it happens often the other way around as well – please save yourself the excruciating pain, and don’t get involved with a married person. Very rarely do these people leave their partners for their lovers. And if they do, there is a huge chance that s/he will cheat on you as well – once a cheater, always a cheater. Besides, you don’t want to be that bitch who broke up a family and brought evil into someone’s life. This is bad karma – and you don’t want to mess with that. I read somewhere that karma-wise, if you have and affair with a married person, the same can come back to you later on, and your future partner might have an affair as well. That’s horrible, and you don’t need this to happen to you. There are enough single people out there these days for us. If you are dating someone and didn’t know about this, like Gloria, my advice would be to stop the affair right away. Sure you will miss them, and feel pain for a while, but it’s a pain with an end, rather than being stuck in an affair with endless pain. You will eventually get over it and move on. If you stay in the affair, you will block your possibility of finding true love with someone that can actually be yours! No good comes out of affairs, and almost all of them have a very bitter ending. Life is short, is that what you wish for yourself? Make yourself available for the one who will be “your” sweetheart. Don’t you deserve the best?

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Know your worth!
Know your worth! 514 193 Galia Brener

Everyone wants true love, even though many are too proud or embarrassed to admit it. They think that saying they need love might sound desperate, but it doesn’t. Love is the magic ingredient that makes life so much better, shinier and brighter. The only problem these days is that since sex is so easy to get, love has become harder to find! Some girls make themselves easily available for men to take and use as they wish. Then these men believe that this is possible with all girls, and so the vicious circle begins! The question is ladies, how much are you willing to sacrifice of yourself to get love and attention from a man? Even if he treats you badly, and you know you deserve better?

My friend Claudia learned this the hard way. Some months ago she met an extremely attractive man whom she quickly fell for. They only saw each other once a week, but she wanted to spend more time with him. As his nickname suggests, he played it very cool and had no time for her. He would take a day or two to answer her text messages, and almost never called her. He would wait last minute to make plans with her, and kept her waiting on hold quite often. However, when they did meet, it was quite nice. He would usually come to her place after their date, and they would have intense passionate sex. Strangely though, as cold and distant as he was, he would take her in his arms and cuddle after sex, and they would sleep the entire night in each other’s arms. Sometimes they also watched a movie and cuddled all evening. The next day he would leave, and as usual Claudia wouldn’t hear from him for a week. Some of his actions showed that he “might” want more, but deep down Claudia knew that he was just playing her, yet she continued to be in denial.

One evening they went to a party, and everyone was having a great time. Claudia had a glass of Prosecco too much, and felt the liquid courage to talk to Mr. Cold about how she felt. She told him straight up that she didn’t want to have a fling, affair or anything meaningless with him. She was on the market for true love, and nothing less than that! Mr. Cold was quite drunk himself and said he didn’t know what he wants, but really liked spending time with her! And so this “thing” whatever it was that they were having, continued. A few months passed and the situation was not getting better. He barely gave her once a week of his time, and he always disappeared on the weekends. It became worse. He would call during late hours and ring her doorbell at 4am, waking her and the entire building up! He would stand underneath her windows at night, convincing her that he must come upstairs, or begging her to come down for “just” a kiss.

It was obvious that he wanted her body, but not her heart. Claudia felt disgustingly used, like a whore who he came to fuck at night and leave in the morning. Every time he left her place she would hate herself a bit more. Mr. Cold was excruciatingly good looking, like Oscar Wilde’s Dorian Gray. She loved to look at him underneath her, while she was riding him in bed. But his beauty was not enough for such a sacrifice of her honor! She wanted to have a family, and give herself to a man who actually made the effort to commit to a real future with her. I was so angry, and told her to throw this “Cold-Garbage” away, and get some self-respect! Never ever allow a man to use you like this!

A warning to you good women out there: unfortunately Mr. Cold is a common type these days. These kind of men are simply out there to use good women, get what they want in bed, and run away. Do not compromise yourself for such a man, because you will get hurt! If you want something real and long-term, keep that as a target in your life. Men like Mr. Cold will only set you back, and make you feel worthless and used. You are not a doormat or a hotel for a quick layover! The most important thing to realize is that it is impossible to change someone like Mr. Cold, and make him think that he wants a relationship. Even if you manage to “trap” him into this, he will end up cheating and/or leaving. It’s not worth it. If you want something more meaningful than just cheap-sex, make sure you know your worth and not side-track yourself with a parasite like Mr. Cold. Save your love and kindness for a man who will actually appreciate and deserve it. If a man wants you for something serious, then he will show this to you! A good man will not waste your time for months without a commitment. Men are not stupid, and know exactly what they want, and whom they want it with – so know your worth and don’t sell yourself for less!

The Bad Boys
The Bad Boys 1354 437 Galia Brener

James Dean, Jesse James, James Bond; no, they’re not just the James’ of our era. They also come in the form of: an immature selfish alcoholic who is one of the owners of a Frankfurt advertising agency, your local telecommunication design conception hip hop psychopath, named after an action hero’s inferior partner, a cheating and heartless Frankfurter pseudo rocker who happens to be a driving instructor, a balding asocial wannabe golf pro that has seen better days long ago, and others. My dear ladies, be warned! I am sure some of you have dated these very same fellows, not to mention other disturbed ones.Like toxic poison, these Bad Boys (BBs) are harmful, and emotionally dangerous for us. Yet so many women are mysteriously drawn and hypnotized by them, like men are to the sound of a V8 engine zooming down the street. For ages, women have been attracted to men that display a strong sense of alpha male dominance. A man who “initially” seems to be strong, confident, fearless, intelligent, witty, caring, successful, fun and rebellious! The delicious, exotic appetite for excitement and adventure, which keeps us breathless, coming back for more, because you never actually know what shall happen next! It’s a high. Uncontrollability, unpredictability, and a challenging dominance. It’s BDSM. They give the pain, and their admirers, a.k.a “the masochists”, receive the pain. However, the simple truth is: Bad Boys are not the Alpha Males. They are the imitators but not the duplicators.

In a gentleman’s magazine, the following advice is given to men on becoming a cool Bad Boy: “Women always want what they can’t have, so make yourself busy and scarce. Be a mystery man. Be unpredictable. Be a challenge – let her do the work to get you, don’t call her, do not answer her. Once you do have her, it’s up to you. You can either keep her or start the game allover again.”

The Good Guys ask themselves over and over, why do women like such jerks? A typical female reaction to a BB is largely due to her biological sense of nurturing. She wants to help him, change him, bring out the goodness in him, and make him love her forever. Another factor that comes to play is her oldest enemy – the Ego. It’s a huge challenge for her! She can be the one that rescued and converted him into a Good Guy. Imagine how wonderful, and what a rush it would be to catch one of these Bad Boys and domesticate him? No one else managed to do this before her, and boom! She did it! She feels like Superwoman, a Femme Fatale! Better than the rest. Of course that’s the fantasy, or rather I shall be precise and say that’s the “illusion” of the situation. In reality, what happens is that she is stuck with unrequited love. Oxford dictionary defines this as: “(of a feeling, especially love), not returned.” Short, simple and bloody painful. God bless the precision of Oxford English. No matter if you are a magnificently beautiful, intelligent, sweet, clever, successful, charming woman – or all of the above – he will have the next hunt, the next challenge, the next adventure, the next power rush, the next mark after you.

A successful businesswoman – let’s call her K – once told me, “Galia, I want to finally have that good, kind, loving and caring man in my life. I’m so tired of chasing the Bad Boys. I always end up getting hurt.” Later on, she got a message on WhatsApp, but did not answer it. I asked her who it was? She said, “Oh, some guy that has been calling everyday for the last week, wanting to ask me out.” To me, it sounded like he was really into her. “That’s wonderful!” I smiled. “No!” K said, “He writes or calls every day. He is pursuing me too much, and is not mysterious at all. I am not excited, because there is no challenge. Actually to be quite honest, he bores me.” In my personal opinion, he seemed sweet, kind, caring and wanted to show K a great evening. For K, he was not wild enough. According to the male advice in the magazine, he did not make himself busy and scarce enough. Is K a masochist, or simply like the rest of us? Where is the balance? Be careful what you wish for, it might come true.

In a very popular TV series, which we know and love, Carrie dates Mr. Big. He hurts her over and over again. For more than 6 years he played with her heart and soul. Humiliating her, leading her on, cheating on her, marrying someone else, coming back, and ruining her brief happiness with a good man. On her wedding day with Big, Carrie looked like a beautiful angel in her glamorous Vivienne dress, and innocent turquoise feather. She believed in him, and in their love, but he left her alone at the altar, and drove off. Yet, she still came back to him.

Why do we do this to ourselves? Some say that pain is the strongest emotion that one can feel. It’s more intense, and hits deeper than any other feeling. Does pain secretly feel better than happiness? Do we need to have personal dramas, so that life does not become boring? My Darlings, let’s be strong, and stop hurting ourselves. We have all been there. It’s time to break the pattern and choose a Good Guy. For those who believe or want to believe in this phenomenon known as “True Love”, I will leave you with a quote that I came across a few days ago:

“One day you’ll find someone who shows you why it never worked out with someone else.” And most likely, he will not be a Bad Boy.

All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

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