Don’t take for granted

The weekend has arrived, and it’s finally time for some fun! You reserve a table at your favorite Italian restaurant, and make yourself pretty for your man. Unfortunately when you leave the house, he doesn’t say anything about how you look. Damn it, another wasted effort. You arrive at your table and order a bottle of wine. After your second glass, you see a couple entering the restaurant holding hands. The handsome man leads his special lady to the table, pulls back her chair and helps her with her coat. While waiting for your food to arrive, you observe them laughing in the most intimate way. After a few minutes the guy leans over, kisses her passionately on the lips, and takes her hand into his. You sigh, turn back to your man and ask, “Baby, why don’t you kiss me like that anymore?” He laughs and says, “Come on, these two have just started dating, can’t you see that?” When their champagne arrives, and you hear the man telling his woman, “Happy 7 year anniversary my love!” You sigh again – deeper and sadder this time. You realize that he is taking you for granted.

This reminds me of Claudia and her ex. When they first met, he was literally Prince Charming out of a fairytale. He took her out to dinner in beautiful places under the starry sky. He wrote her little romantic notes and hid them all over her flat. He would surprise her with flowers and chocolates. He would write her the sweetest good night/morning messages, which was the first thing she saw each day. In return, she also did many wonderful things for him. They were so happy, and it seemed like nothing else existed apart from their love for each other. As time went by, Claudia’s ex started to “get used” to having her around. He stopped giving her compliments, and noticing her effort to look good for him. The sex in their relationship disappeared almost completely, and on their anniversary he didn’t even bother to get her flowers. He took her more and more for granted each passing month. He didn’t pay her much attention, and was irritated when they talked. He was often in a bad mood, and took it out on her. This was extremely painful for Claudia, and she started to back away emotionally from him. Eventually they broke up and a wonderful man appeared in her life, which has been incredibly wonderful to her ever since. Her ex realized what a mistake he made, and tried desperately to get her back. Unfortunately it was too late, because he took her for granted and lost her. He still cannot forget her, because he now understands how much she truly loved him.

What does it mean to take your partner for granted? It means that one does not fully appreciate the other person for what they are, what they do for them, and what they bring into the relationship. It also means that one doesn’t notice the importance of the other, and doesn’t acknowledge the love being given to them. Basically it comes down to the fact that one partner doesn’t really value the other anymore. Unfortunately almost all of us are a bit guilty of taking our partner for granted, without always being aware of this! Think back to when you first met your love, and how amazing the first year was. Remember the fireworks in your stomach, and the way your heart skipped a beat when you thought of them? The more we forget this, the more our love is in danger of dying. It’s time to wake up, become aware, and fix the problem. How, you ask?

Thankfully this is easier to fix than you think! You can start right away by trying this out:

1. Telling her more often how beautiful she is. Or how handsome he is. Compliments in general are very good! Don’t be cheap on the nice words.
2. Buy her flowers more often. Do it for no reason at all, just to let her know you care.
3. Look into her eyes and tell her you love her more often. I promise that it won’t lose its meaning.
4. Don’t flirt, stare or look back at other women. That hurts!
5. Tell him how much you appreciate his help, and of course compliment him and his strength. Never forget “Please” and “Thank you”. Show that his efforts mean a lot to you.
6. No matter how busy you are, make time to spend together, and invite her out for dinner dates, just like when you first started dating.
7. Make as much time for sex as possible. When this is neglected, your partner automatically feels unwanted and unattractive.
8. Never stop the kissing! It’s not called the “French Kiss” for nothing. It keeps the passion going.
9. Pay attention to each other when speaking. Listen and help. Be there for your partner through ups and downs, by being their best friend!
10. Do not cheat. This is the beginning of the end.
11. Don’t just take from your partner, give back as well! Show your appreciation with deeds.
12. If she’s sick, be there for her. Be empathetic, understanding and caring.
13. If he has stress at work or with his family, lay him down on your lap and caress him. Sometimes a soothing massage is better than words. Show him you care about what’s going on in his life.
13. Have fun! Like in the beginning, go on spontaneous dates, trips, get drunk together and sing underneath the moon. Do something wild and mischievous together.
14. Don’t snap at each other, or use nasty tones. Control your temper, and show respect – especially while arguing. Do not take your bad mood or anger out on your partner.
15. Send her a short romantic SMS during the day. Leave a naughty post-it in his gym bag.
16. Get each other small gifts for no special reason – just to show your appreciation.
17. Do something that maybe you don’t necessarily like, but you know it pleases your partner – like going to the opera, or on a romantic hotel weekend.
18. Help each other with the housework. Sing or dance while doing it, its super fun!
19. Cook something delicious for him. A well-fed man is a happy man.
20. Give her enough attention! Women are like flowers – give them attention and they blossom!

Gentlemen don’t forgot that there are many wonderful men out there who would be more than glad to make your woman happy and give her what you don’t! Same goes the other way around for women. Take a few minutes and think when was the last time you did something from the 20 points above. I always say that it’s never too late to change and make your relationship better. If this love is special, then make sure you do all you can to keep it happy and healthy.