behavior

Nothing Wrong With Being Silly

Nothing Wrong With Being Silly 1650 875 Galia Brener

I remember when I was a teenager in Toronto, my girlfriends and I had our first fake IDs made to get into clubs and parties. We couldn’t wait until our 18th birthday, and tried everything to look older. Make-up, higher heels, and sophisticated clothing. Now we are double that age, and try to do everything to look younger. Funny thing that we use the same tricks to try and turn back the aging-clock: Make-up, higher heels, and sophisticated clothing. Why did we not realize how amazing it was to be young and enjoy our childhood? Why did we always want to be older?

Society expects us to be responsible. Grow up fast, get an education, find a partner, have children, take care of them, get old, retire and die. So when do we actually have the chance to live out our dreams, and have fun? As a child you are not aware of the freedom that you have. You simply grow and become an adult. Well my dear adults, now that you are finally “there”, it’s time to reverse the process, start believing in Fairytales again, and awaken your inner child. Yes, s/he is still in there, but most likely has been sleeping for the last decades. Let’s wake it up, and see what new adventures the world has to offer us! 

A common problem is that people are scared to be judged by society. What will people say if they see me like this? This reminds me of a date that I had a few years ago. I met a guy at an event in Frankfurt. Let’s call him “Mr. Cool”. On our first date, we went for a nice summer walk. Along the way, I saw a fun playground. I don’t know what has gotten into me, but I ran towards it, and decided to climb the monkey bars, run on the overhead ladder, go on the swings… you get the point. I ran around acting like a crazy kid. I glanced at Mr. Cool, and I cannot even describe the look he gave me. A mix of “Jesus-what-the-hell-are-you-doing-get-off-that-swing-immediately!” and “I-don’t-know-this-crazy-girl-she-is-such-a-weirdo” look. To be honest, at that moment I didn’t even care what the ice block Mr. Cool was thinking about me, because I was having so much fun. He came to me, and I thought that he will finally join me on the swing, but instead he said, “Galia, stop it! This is embarrassing! I am a famous actor (He is indeed a well-known German actor), what will people think of me when they see me making a fool of myself on this playground?” Right at that point, I realized that it will never work out between us. Money and fame aside, if the guy cannot be easy-going and appreciate the simple joys in life, then he is not for me. Fun is not just eating at expensive restaurants, but also doing silly things like jumping on a swing together. I politely walked with him back to where we met, said goodbye, smiled, and left as quickly as possible. Why do some people take themselves so seriously? Do we really have to stick to these rigid “Adult behavior rules”, or can we sometimes let our inner child out to play? Mr. Cool called the next day to invite me to dinner, but I told him that my heart was not in it. I could not pretend to be someone that I’m not. I was looking for the one that would climb the monkey bars with me, laughing and being crazy together like children.

That is not to say that we have to ignore our responsibilities, quite the contrary! We have to enjoy ourselves and have fun while achieving our goals and tasks. When you do something with a happy heart, your task becomes a pleasure, and the result will be better. For example, if you are cleaning your car, draw funny figures on the dirty window, and send a picture of it to your loved one. If you have to clean your flat, put on some loud music and run around the house doing funny dances, while cleaning. Do what you can to make the task more fun. I know that daily stress due to work and personal issues can bring a huge amount of pressure upon us, but we must try to do our best to make this process easier for us. Being hard on yourself will not make the problems go away. You must give your “Adult-self” a chance to rest and rethink how you can ease the pressure with a good strategy. Try doing something fun, different, childish and funny in order to bring your mind to positive thoughts. Maybe then, new problem-solving ideas will come to you! The easiest way to begin is by smiling more often.

The older I get, the more I realize how special the time was when I was a child. Free of worries, free of fear, free to live and enjoy! It’s time to bring back the innocence, joy and pure form of fun. Purity. The world is missing this. We need to go back to the basics before we had the car, the mortgage, and the debts. We have to try to capture that feeling of pure joy that we once felt as children. There is much evil and hatred out there. Just turn on the news. Every day another catastrophe. Let’s try to be children of light, instead of darkness. You can enjoy by doing the simplest of things. Remember how excited we used to be when walking with our parents in the forest, looking for mushrooms? Or making homemade cookies with our grandmother, and eating them with our friends? Try to capture this feeling again. 

Maybe these few ideas can help: look at photos of your childhood, play board games, take walks around fun places, go to an amusement park, throw out the “cool” attitude/personality, and be who you are, live more in the present, sing funny songs, draw, paint (even if you cant do it well!) be curious, ask questions, daydream, try doing the things you loved to do as a kid, play video games, and most important of all, never say “I’m too old”. The child within you is waiting to come out and play. So go ahead, be silly. No one is watching! And if they do, who cares?

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Arguing with your love – can you apologize first?

Arguing with your love – can you apologize first? 1080 530 Galia Brener

I had a long conversation with my friend Heather last week. She had a stupid fight with her man because of a small thing. The problem is that when she is in the heat of the moment, she only sees red. Reason and sensibility are thrown out of the window. At the end of the argument, he told her that he is usually the one who restores the harmony after a fight. This time, he did not want to be the first one to apologize again! He felt like an idiot that was always running to her, so he decided to leave their flat to clear his mind.

After he left, Heather did not know what to do. She felt sick to her stomach. She hated when they parted in anger and sadness. This left her with a feeling of helplessness and pain. She stayed in bed all Saturday morning, crying and sleeping in between. If was afternoon and he hasn’t called her yet. Usually he would have tried to call her at least 3 times, trying to make amends. But this time was different. Nothing came from him and this scared her. She did not want to lose him, because she loved him more than anyone else in the world. Heather called me in the evening, and I could hear the pain and panic in her voice. I quickly came over, equipped with wine and snacks, and we sat down to make a plan.

The plan was quite simple. It was up to her to apologize first this time. I asked her, “Heather, would you rather be right, or be happy?” She had to let go of always wanting to be “right”. Why is there always a need to win every argument? This only makes the fight last longer. The good thing is that they did not continue their argument after he left via digital communication. No bad words on WhatsApp, and no hurtful emails. This saved many sentences that both could have regret later. Is it worth to damage your love because of a meaningless argument and an ego that is too proud to compromise? No! Have we become such an ego-dominated society, that we are willing to lose our partner instead of being the first to apologize or make peace?

I advised Heather to send him a photo of her, with a sweet kiss and heart to break the initial ice. It worked like a charm. He called her back within a few minutes. He was colder than usual at first, but she went in with a mission to melt his heart. She told him that no matter what happens, she loves him very much, and he is the only one for her. She was sweet and loving on the phone. He became much warmer towards the end of the phone call. They hung up and I finally saw the beautiful smile on her face again. It worked!

When he came home, she was waiting for him with open arms. She jumped on him and kissed him all over. This made him very happy. That same night they had some drinks and an open talk. She said that he is very important to her, and she does not want to lose him and their special love. She promised to let go of small things, not hang onto words, to listen and communicate better. He promised to be more patient to her, and work on his communication skills as well. He said that her sudden reconciliatory behavior surprised him, because he was always the one to apologize first. She made the right choice, and her actions showed him that she is willing to work on herself, and their relationship.

If we truly love our partner, why is it so hard to apologize or make peace first? There are a few different reasons that stop us: The Ego. Our evil “best-friend”. It will always try to convince you that you are right. The Ego will try to tell you that making the first move after a fight shows dependency and weakness. The Ego also thinks that apologizing first will make you lose the upper hand and also the control in the relationship. The most ridiculous thing that the small pathetic Ego thinks: apologizing to your partner first is like being the “loser” and the person receiving the apology is the “winner.” How crazy is that? Do we want this small invisible creature to control us and destroy our relationships?

Some people stay completely in denial. They think if they do not “admit” that they are wrong, then in reality they are not actually wrong! They completely ignore and drown their problems. Worse of all, are the people who do not have empathy. These are the careless, cold, heartless people who do not care about others. These are the players, the bad boys/girls, the ones who only do things for their own satisfaction and benefit. If this is the case, then run as fast and far away as possible from them. They will never take responsibility for their actions, and continue hurting you over and over again. These are the dark lost souls that will never know what love really is.

If you truly love and care about your partner, then go to them and make peace. Life is short, and every second wasted being angry can be spent enjoying each other and making love. Even if you were not wrong, you can still sometimes be the first one to make peace. If they love you, they will appreciate this gesture and learn from it. If you see that your partner takes your apologies for granted, then they are not the right one for you. If this is real love, then you will both benefit from the apology and peace. The best way to do that is to ask yourself if being right is more important than having a strong connection with your partner? It’s important to stand up for yourself when being “truly” attacked. But it is more important to be able to let the small things go! Be smart, kill the ego and save the love.

 

‪#‎RelationshipGoals‬ ‪#‎love‬ ‪#‎happy‬ ‪#‎healthyrelationship‬

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How does s/he make YOU feel?

How does s/he make YOU feel? 814 1200 Galia Brener

Have you ever noticed that different people bring out a different side of you? With one man you might act and feel like a sexy goddess, while with the other you’re the funniest comedian the world has ever seen. With the third one you might be the annoying nagging mother figure, and with the next man, you might be the silly little girl. It’s interesting how dating different people actually helps you to learn more about yourself, especially about what you want, and definitely don’t want. The most important thing after dating various people is to stay with the one that brings out the best in you!

 

Last week I was talking to my dear friend Ambrosia, who went through a very painful breakup a few months ago. Even though her ex was not the best guy for her, she was madly in love with him, and let him get away with bad behavior. He is what I call a “Male Drama Queen.” His actions and reactions to certain situations were insane, and of course this in return instigated crazy responses from her as well. Consider it an emotional chain reaction. Ambrosia was a victim to his bad moods and aggression, and this brought out the same in her, even though she is not the angry depressed type at all! Her ex was an energy vampire that sucked the positivity out of her whenever he had a bad day – which was quite often. He brought out the angry bitchy part of her, which she didn’t even know existed until they met!

 

Three month ago Ambrosia met a new man. With him, she was the cheeky comedian and the fun, unique girl. Gone was the angry bitchy woman from last year, and instead an easy going, adventurous and hilarious Ambrosia took her place. Her new boyfriend was giving her the attention and love that she so desperately lacked and needed from her ex. The new guy saw her as an equal, and not as a stupid little girl that had to be education. He cherished her, and made her feel like the only woman in the world for him. He praised her, gave her sweet compliments, kissed and touched her a lot, bought her flowers and simply adored her. Like she did him. He gave her a warm, light and happy feeling. She could be herself around him, and never felt like she was being judged. She enjoyed the Ambrosia that he brought out in her. The bold, funny, charming, beautiful and sophisticated Ambrosia was actually the characteristics she loved the most about herself.

 

Like with Ambrosia’s situation, the power is in your hands. You decide your own future, and what’s good for you. Make the right decision and chose your partner well. There is always a way of seeing quite quickly if this person brings out the best in you, or not. Try to look at these things:

 

  1. Are you funny when you are with him? Does he bring out the best in your sense of humor?

 

  1. Is she the kind of woman that gets offended or insulted easily? Which in return makes you feel the need to always explain/defend yourself, which eventually leads to being moody, irritated or annoyed? This is not good, because it sucks too much energy from you.

 

  1. Does he make you feel sexy and wanted? Or does he not pay enough attention to you – which makes you feel insecure, needing to overdo on making yourself appear beautiful, and trying to get his attention?

 

  1. If you fight does she bring you to the point where you get aggressive and loud, but usually you’re not like that at all? Do you have to defend yourself against her unnecessary accusations, which in return make you angry and miserable? Or does he bring out that mean bitch inside of you, which makes you bitter and sad afterwards? That’s all very bad for the emotions, and quite draining.

 

  1. Do you feel like you’re his Mama, and you have to nag and run after him? Or are you both on the same level? Or does he often lecture you about how you should change, and do things to grow up, almost like your dad, and not your friend?

 

  1. Are you cuddly and sweet to him, or colder and calculating – but usually are the complete opposite?

 

  1. Do you pretend to be someone else around him/her, and are usually different with your friends? Do you try to impress them too much, buy appearing cool and mysterious, instead of being the warm, sweet and normal you?

 

  1. Does she bring out the fun child in you – when you can be yourself, and have a good time together? Or does she judge your silliness?

 

I advise to see how your partner makes you feel, and be honest with yourself if s/he brings out your best side or not. I remember having a boyfriend once that tried to change me and my entire wardrobe, by telling me what to wear and what to get rid of. The day he bought me a brown rice-bag-grandmother-style sweater was the day I knew it would never work. Different people have different effects on us, and it’s crucial to choose a mate that inspires the peaceful, loving and caring side in us.

 

Stay away from people who bring out your bitterness, cruelty or aggression – because this usually ends up with pain and illness. From my personal experience, I can say that the best is to gravitate to a partner who brings out the tranquil side of you – with whom you can enjoy spending time together and not continuously have dramas and negativity around you. Life is short, so why be together with someone that brings out the evil twin in you? Choose well, it’s your future after all.

 

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12 behavior traits that push people away

12 behavior traits that push people away 1200 973 Galia Brener

There are certain types of people that have many friends, acquaintances and colleagues always circulating around them. They are adored and people like spending time with them. What makes them so popular, beloved and fun to be with? Yet right across the other end of the spectrum, there are those people that you desperately try to stay away from. Those people are the ones that make friends at the beginning, yet always manage to lose their friendships. If you are curious to know why, here are 12 behavior patterns that push people away:1. Dominating and bossy. Nobody likes a dictating tyrant. Freedom is something that every human being deserves to have, so take care of yourself before enforcing your opinions and rules on others. Nobody likes to be bossed around, and you don’t either.2. Negative. The one thing that I despise the most is negativity in people. They make life seem so dreadful and bleak, and pull you down into their dark abyss. Stay away from these people because they are energy vampires. You will feel tired and sad after spending time with them.3. Take everything too seriously. This stems from a low self-esteem. These people usually feel that everyone is out to get them. They even take a small joke too seriously, and it’s hard to be relaxed and have fun around them.4. Complain. Nothing is ever good enough for complainers. Even if everything is going well, they will still find something to complain about. They are quite the pessimistic bunch, and it’s simply annoying because they are never positive and grateful.

5. Drama. You know those people that always attract drama into their lives, because they don’t know how to live in harmony. They are neurotic and have no peace inside. These people thrive on negative energy and fights. Stay away from them because they will deplete your energy, happiness and attract drama into your life as well.

6. Show off and arrogant. They associate their life and success with material possessions. This stems from a low self-esteem, and they need this arrogance as a form of self-protection. They try to show that they are better than others but unfortunately deep down, they feel themselves to be worthless.

7. Gossip. Always remember: if they gossip with you about other people, then they will gossip with other people about you too. People that gossip are not to be trusted, because they are usually two-faced. They will smile in your face and throw a knife at your back as soon as you turn around.

8. Doesn’t keep a promise. We all know those people that promise you castles in the sky, and end up delivering dust in the wind, meaning “nothing”. These people are not reliable and should not be trusted.

9. Dishonest. The truth always comes out, so no matter how much somebody lies, they will always be discovered for their dishonesty. Don’t trust these people, because they will hurt you over and over again. Liars never change.

10. Stingy. Nobody likes a cheap person. You cannot take your money to the grave, so why not enjoy it while you can, and share with the ones you love. Life is all about give and take.

11. Indifferent. “I don’t know, maybe. Then again, maybe not. Actually I don’t know what I think, I haven’t decided yet, maybe I like it, and maybe not. Actually I don’t know.” That’s really annoying! Make up your mind, and have your own opinion. People like confidence and assertiveness.

12. Victim role. Pity is given out for free, yet respect must be earned. Do you really want people to always feel pity and sorry for you? That’s a miserable existence. Eventually everyone gets tired and annoyed of the victim giving them the feeling of guilt.

Nobody is perfect. We all have certain types of character flaws, but we also have the chance to work on ourselves. People like positive, outgoing and strong people that they can learn from and look up to. Like I always say, get rid of the toxic people in your life, because they bring you down with them and cause much damage. Instead, fill your life with the kind of people that inspire you, and help you to be the best that you can be. Every day in life is a learning process, so try to become that person that everyone automatically gravitates to. I work on myself as well and have made many changes in the past year. I can honestly say that it was a hard road to change, but it really paid off. Being “good”, “strong” and “positive” attracts even more goodness, strength and positive energy into your life. It’s the simple law of attraction.

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