I think that Love is female. She’s a bitchy princess that does what she wants, when she wants it, and how she wants it. She doesn’t like to play fair and never follows any rules. She can be extremely selfish and not give a damn about anyone else but herself. Until this day, no one was able to create a formula on how to control this wild vamp – Lady Love. She does only what she wants and nobody can force her… especially not to stay where she doesn’t want to!
Lady Love did not visit my good friend, Heather Klein, when she met a guy a few months ago. It was a warm summer afternoon, and we all went out with the mission of finding delicious food and exotic drinks. Spontaneously a friend had tickets to a food tasting event, and of course, I couldn’t resist. Delicious food is my huge passion! We dressed up casually, and made our way into our adventurous Saturday, not knowing what shall await us. We arrived, and the first thing that caught my eyes and nose were the delicious dry-aged steaks being prepared on the grill. After a few cocktails, I saw Heather speaking to a guy she just met. He was about 1,80 meters tall, had thick dark hair, and friendly bright eyes. He seemed very charming and both enjoyed the conversation.
Heather started dating the guy, and during the first few weeks, they spent a lot of time together. She told me that everything was going well. However, in the weeks that followed, I could see that Heather was losing her enthusiasm about him. She told me that “the spark” was not there – there was no magic. I could understand her, however from the things that I heard about him, he was a good catch. He was a caring, intelligent, respectful gentleman, came from a good family background, had a stable job, and was open for a serious commitment. He was warm and cuddly, yet she was bored with him. She agreed to give it a few more weeks and see what happened, but the feelings did not develop.
Looking at it the other way around, it is quite painful when you are falling in love and the other person does not feel the same way. I have been there before myself and it’s awful! You try and try, and it just doesn’t work out how you want it to. It makes you doubt yourself, and feel very insecure. It sometimes goes as far as making you change, and not be yourself, just so that s/he might like you more.
Here are some signs that you might be dating the wrong person:
1: You are the one that is always giving and s/he is taking.
2: You make all of the plans, all the time – they make no effort.
3: You are unsure about how s/he feels about you, therefore you ask often for reassurance.
4: Your partner does not mention a future together.
5: You are mostly the one that calls, writes and contacts him/her.
6: You feel that you’re the only one working on the relationship. You cannot force it, because both must be willing to work on it.
7: You are using guilt and manipulation for making them stay. This is a miserable feeling, because you are ready to hurt yourself emotionally and physically just to keep them in your life.
8: Even though s/he keeps breaking your trust over and over again, you forgive them.
9: You have unhealthy feelings of extreme jealously and intense fear of losing your partner.
I ask myself, can love be manipulated? Of course it can be tempered with. But do you really want someone to stay together with you only due to your manipulations? That would mean that they don’t truly love you for you. Love must be genuine from both sides. Unrequited love is extremely painful. My advice would be to let the wrong person go and make yourself available for someone that fits you better. Yes, it will hurt like hell at the beginning, but then you have a chance to meet someone that truly loves you! Wouldn’t that be so wonderful?
I have learned through my experiences that if someone wants to be with you, they will find a way to do so. They will move mountains and swim through an ocean to see you. There will be no excuses of being busy, or sick with a rare disease that he contracted when the aliens abducted him last week and took him to see Yoda. There will be no bullshit. If the feelings are there, you will know and feel it. Let’s be honest, we know when the other person is not feeling the same for us. So why give so much love and attention to someone who doesn’t even feel and appreciate it? Or even worse, to someone who does not want you or your love? Send them back to their hallucinated aliens, pick up your dignity off the ground, and walk proudly into your future. Don’t force what’s not meant to be, and if it is meant to be, it will happen anyways. Sometimes it takes a while to find the right person, but it’s definitely worth the wait, so please be patient and keep the faith.
Photo by: Polina Brener
Shoes by: PETER KAISER