self respect

Are You Beautiful?
Are You Beautiful? 960 1199 Galia Brener

Last week I met my girls for a drink and we got into a heated discussion about appearances. 3 out of the 4 said that it matters what others think of their appearance, especially other women. If they get compliments, and other women think they look good, then they feel better about themselves. If they get a negative comment about their appearance, their mood drops, and their confidence is affected as well. We spent hours philosophizing about this, and the girls decided that it’s important what others think about their appearance. I do not agree about this conclusion. What if one doesn’t get complimented all the time, do they have to hang themselves? No! You and only you decide about your own beauty, self-confidence and happiness.

Don’t forget that not everyone around us is automatically happy for us. Sometimes it will happen that people will criticize you on purpose, or say something negative simply to make you feel bad because they are jealous of you. It could also be that others have a completely different sense of what’s beautiful or not. And of course they’re own style might be completely the opposite of yours. So you can see the threat of relying on other people’s opinion about your appearance! I think it’s dangerous to put your happiness, which is your personal power, in other people’s hands. You are your own master, so please don’t let anyone steal your sunshine away from you.

I have a friend Kara, and she’s the fashion beauty queen of her clique. When she goes out with her girls, she is always dressed to perfection. Perfect hair, precisely done makeup, exquisitely matched accessories, and always 10cm+ high heels. They always look like those gorgeous girls out of a Vogue photo shooting. But the strange thing is that they walk around like that during the day as well! Of course with lower heels, but still full makeup on. Last month Kara and I met up for dinner. I asked that she comes casually dressed with very minimal makeup on. (I wanted to show her an important lesson). Of course as I expected she freaked out at first, but then agreed. We met outside the restaurant, and I was so surprised by her amazing natural beauty. As the evening progressed we drank some wine and she became more relaxed. I asked her why did she always make herself up like that? Wasn’t it excruciatingly exhausting to always try to be so perfect? She actually broke down and cried, and said that the pressure of society and her friends was unbearable.

She was expected to always look the prettiest and most perfect she can be. Actually deep inside of herself she hated it and herself for keeping up with this charade. Kara also said that otherwise men would pay less attention to her. Funny but as she was saying that, there was a young man at the next table looking intensely at her. As the evening progressed, Kara came out of her uncomfortable shell, and was enjoying herself very much – just being her natural self! The two men at the table invited us for a drink. Kara ended up meeting a wonderful guy and enjoyed the best evening she has had in years! He even complimented on how natural her beauty was! If she were made up like her usual Barbie doll self, he would have not spoken to her. Ever since that evening, Kara has really gotten back to her natural beautiful self, and feels happier and safer inside! I am so happy that she finally understood that happiness comes from within.

Let’s face it, you are the only one that can feel yourself from the inside. No one else in this Universe knows how it feels to be you from within – so you know best about how you look and feel from the inside out. The others can only see you from the outside. So actually their approval is only based on a superficial exterior level, which is actually not the most important thing. There is nothing wrong with getting a makeover, or changing your style, but do it for yourself and not for others! Society is such a bitch, and will not be there for you if you “fall off your heels”, so who cares what they think? Do what’s best for you, and take care that you are happy and healthy. No one can insert happiness into your heart, and only you can make sure that you feel beautiful and wonderful. Girls do yourself a favor and don’t be influenced by anyone. Not a man, not your friends and no one else. Disregard what they think – to yourself you will always be beautiful exactly as you are… and you know it ♥

Get into a relationship with: YOURSELF!
Get into a relationship with: YOURSELF! 1200 800 Galia Brener

It’s 9am on a Saturday morning, and your grandmother just called because she wants you to help her pick out that “ever-so-trendy-grandma-purple-hair-dye”. Two hours later your best friend calls because her boyfriend cheated on her with his childhood friend George. You meet her in the city for emergency cheesecake and sparkling wine. Five hours later you leave her happily drunk at home and finally have the chance to pick up your dry cleaning. Guess what, the store is closed already. You rush home to change because in an hour you have a date with a man you have been looking forward to see for days now. You put your favorite outfit on, hoping that this guy will be a good one. You hear the doorbell ring. After an hour into the date, you notice how much he is in love with himself and your excitement disappears. You make up an excuse that you have to finish helping the technicians at NASA early the next morning and you run out of there. You finally arrive at home and drop into bed. What a tiring day after such a stressful week!

The next morning your mother calls. Then your brother calls and asks to pick him up because his car broke down, yet again! Your landlord calls and says there will be no hot water for half a day. Your toaster burns the last slice of bread you have. You remember that you didn’t finish that last part of your presentation for your meeting on Monday. You think it will take an hour to finish, but 4 hours later, it’s evening again. You are left with 3 hours on a Sunday evening before the stress week starts again.

STOP. Reprogram yourself.

One does not live forever. More than a third of the day is spent working. The remaining part is spent sleeping, eating, making love, going out, doing stuff for/with people that you do not always want to do. So how much time is there leftover for YOU? You grew up hearing that you must not be selfish. Sure, but there is a time when you have to say stop. It starts with learning to say “No”. In the beginning it won’t be easy. People will get angry with you. But you must think of yourself. You need to make time for yourself and do the things that relax and make you happy. Your “real” friends and family will understand this.

Do not spend all of your time and energy on your partner. Do not depend on him/her to make you happy. This has to come from within yourself. Many women rely on their partner to fill a void that has been there for a long time. You must work on yourself so that this happiness comes from within. Your partner is a bonus in your life and not the meaning of your life. Get rid of those expectations that as soon as you have a boyfriend, you will be happier and more satisfied. If not met, expectation can leave you hurt and devastated. Yes, having a partner will bring new excitement into your life, but never make the mistake to rely solely on your partner to make you happy. Your partner is not Mother Theresa, and it’s not his job to turn your life into a fairytale. However, if you really want to, you can do this for yourself.

Get a hobby. You enjoy eating? Take a cooking course. You like art? Try painting. You like words and can get lost in them? Then take a pen and write something down. Make a date with yourself to do something that you love, which brings peace and happiness to your heart and soul. You like to stay fit? Try Kung Fu lessons. You like fashion? Take a Sunday design course. You want to upgrade your education? Take a weekend or evening course. Do what makes you happy. Be selfish! It’s your life, and you have only one to enjoy now! If you do not know which hobby to do, then try testing many things. A few hours here and there, and eventually you will find something that you like.

Eating makes me happy. I take the time out everyday to enjoy a lovely meal and not feel guilty about it. Of course we all want to look and feel great in our skin, but please my dears, do not deprive yourself. Know your limits and enjoy yourself within these limits. Sit and read a book. Make a beauty Sunday with a relaxing bath or hot shower, facial mask and cucumbers on your eyes. Whatever you do, just take the time out for yourself and take care of yourself. Especially us women, we tend to nurture everyone else, and often forget ourselves in the process. 

Next time you pass that store, go in and buy those shoes you have been looking at for weeks. What the hell do you work so hard and suffer for? You deserve it. Saving is important as well, but sometimes buying a new thing works wonders to heal the soul. Even if it’s small and not expensive, you feel that you treat yourself and it’s a good feeling.

Girls at the end of the day, who will take care of you if not you?! It’s great having a good man, family and friends around, but at the end, its you with yourself. Build up this relationship with yourself and make it strong. It’s time to start loving yourself. 

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Photoshoot location: Steigenberger Frankfurter Hof

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Ego kills love!
Ego kills love! 960 960 Galia Brener

Hello, my name is Ego, and I am here to destroy your relationships. I am your best friend, and in fact, I am you! Let me teach you our rules: you better damn know that we are always right! They hurt us, so we must punish them by becoming distant, cold, and letting them suffer. Let’s stay mad, and not talk to them for a few days, see how they feel about that! That will teach them a big lesson, and make them crawl back to us, begging for forgiveness. I am the best, smartest, most intelligent, fantastic thing that exists. I am the EGO after all! My way of doing things is always the best. Everyone must do things my way, because I am a control freak! I must warn you about our enemy “Love”. Being your ego, I want what’s best for you. I take care of you, and make sure you are always protected against the enemy. Love is very tricky. Love always wants me to listen to the other side of the story, and also admit when I am wrong! Can you believe it?! Love requires a strange thing called “compromising”. It’s totally beneath me. I do not do compromising since my opinion is the right one, why should I agree with anyone else? They must only agree with me! If Love doesn’t understand that, then she can drown herself in the toilet. I will be happy to push the handle and watch her flush down, where she belongs. My name is EGO, and I am the only one who truly cares about you. I want the best for you! I adore always saying “I”, since “I” am the center of the Universe!

 

Sounds funny right? Unfortunately, that’s what happens in the minds of most people, including yours. Maybe not to such a drastic extent, but everyone’s Ego has gotten in the way of their happiness, at least once in their lives. 

 

My friend Cindy told me a story about her boyfriend. They loved each other very much. Unfortunately after a few months, both started having problems with their jobs. This stressed them out, and made them fight. They had long talks, and Cindy realized what her mistakes were. She wanted to compromise and make the necessary steps to heal the relationship. She loved him more than the air she breathed. He continued to be cold and distant, even though she made such a huge effort to come towards him, and understand him. She opened her heart to him, and explained why these problems occurred, because she waned them to find a path together for the future. Cindy managed to step over her ego, and did all she could to save the relationship. His mistakes also created problems and fights, but he wouldn’t admit it. With horror, she realized, “How can a man suddenly turn off his love and emotions towards her, when he supposedly loved her so much?” And then the bitter truth struck her. He never did truly love her. A man that genuinely loves his woman is happy when she wants to make compromises, and save the relationship. Everyone is different when entering a relationship, and only compromises can save true love. Throwing something away is quite easy. His ego and pride were standing in his way. He couldn’t see beyond, and it made him weak. Due to this, he lost the person that loved him more than anyone ever did or will. He will realize this as time goes by, when sadness and regret settle deep in his broken heart. By then, it will be too late.

 

To be able to “truly” love, you must drop the ego. The Ego knows no difference between male or female. We all have this evil inside of us. The Ego sticks its wicked claws into the person, controls them, and usually ruins their loves and lives. It must be controlled and not given any power! For example feeling jealousy, or feeling the need to argue with your partner until s/he admits that you are right. These fights usually occur about minor issues, and during times of stress. You might think that the other is taking advantage of you, and your point of view is less important then theirs. My advice to you is, don’t sweat the small stuff, simply let it go! You cannot always be right. What helps is resisting the temptation to always feel the need to defend yourself. This is actually the Ego defending itself. The Ego will win the argument, but you can lose your partner. Think about it, is this situation worth losing your loved one?

 

After this initial reaction to a fight, there is sometimes a need to continue punishing the partner. He hurt you, and therefore must pay the price for this. You give him/her the silent treatment, creating mountains of distance between you two. Who will write or call first? How long will you continue to treat your partner this way after the argument? Until the love completely dies? Actually, you are also hurting yourself in the process of this unnecessary harsh treatment. 

 

You must learn to agree to disagree! Learn to compromise! After arguments, the Ego will always try to trick you with doubts, fear, self-defence, re-thinking/evaluating the relationship, thinking “This doesn’t make me happy anymore, I need to protect myself and get out now!” The cold brutal rationality kills any feeling of love that you both established before. There will be fights once in a while, but you must be ready to let the issue go, or not only give blame, but also take blame upon yourself. Even Soul Mates are challenged with fights, in order to determine if their love for each other is real and strong. Be brave and tame your Ego. Build your own inner strength! This will not humiliate you, quite the opposite actually, this will make you strong and brave! How much longer do you want to be a slave to your Ego? If you are not willing to adjust to each other and work together on your relationship, then do yourself and your heart a favor, do not fall in love at all.

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Are You Beautiful?
Are You Beautiful? 1200 400 Galia Brener

Last week I met my girls for a drink and we got into a heated discussion about appearances. 3 out of the 4 said that it matters what others think of their appearance, especially other women. If they get compliments, and other women think they look good, then they feel better about themselves. If they get a negative comment about their appearance, their mood drops, and their confidence is affected as well. We spent hours philosophizing about this, and the girls decided that it’s important what others think about their appearance. I do not agree about this conclusion. What if one doesn’t get complimented all the time, do they have to hang themself? No! You and only you decide about your own beauty, self-confidence and happiness.

 

Don’t forget that not everyone around us is happy for us. Sometimes people will criticize you on purpose, or say something negative simply to make you feel bad because they are jealous of you. It could also be that others have a completely different sense of what’s beautiful or not. And of course they’re own style might be completely the opposite of yours. So you can see the threat of relying on other people’s opinion about your appearance! I think it’s dangerous to put your happiness, which is your personal power, in other people’s hands. You are your own master, so please don’t let anyone steal your sunshine away from you.

 

I have a friend Lilia and she’s the fashion beauty queen of her clique. When she goes out with her girls, she is always dressed to perfection. Perfect hair, precisely done makeup, exquisitely matched accessories, and always 12cm+ high heels. They always look like those gorgeous girls out of a Vogue photo shooting. But the strange thing is that they walk around like that during the day as well! Of course with lower heels, but still full makeup on. Last month Lilia and I met up for dinner. I asked that she comes casually dressed with very minimal makeup on. (I wanted to show her an important lesson). Of course as I expected she freaked out at first, but then agreed. We met outside the restaurant, and I was so surprised by her amazing natural beauty! As the evening progressed we drank some wine and she became more relaxed. I asked her why did she always make herself up like that? Wasn’t it excruciatingly exhausting to always try to be so perfect? She actually broke down, cried and said that the pressure of society and her friends was unbearable.

 

She was expected to always look the prettiest and most perfect she can be. Actually deep inside of herself she hated it and herself for keeping up with this charade. Lilia also said that otherwise men would pay less attention to her. Funny but as she was saying that, there was a young man at the next table looking intensely at her. As the evening progressed, Lilia came out of her uncomfortable shell, and was enjoying herself very much – just being her natural self! The two men at the table invited us for a drink. Lilia ended up meeting a wonderful guy and enjoyed the best evening she has had in years! He even complimented on how natural her beauty was! If she were made up like her usual Barbie doll self, he wouldn’t have spoken to her. Ever since that evening, Lilia has really gotten back to her natural beautiful self and feels happier and safer inside! I am so happy that she finally understood that happiness comes from within. After a few weeks, she told me that she doesn’t need any more constant confirmation from the outside world about her appearance. She feels happy and stronger inside. She started to slowly love herself as she is. She said that if someone doesn’t like it, they could go to one place where the sun doesn’t shine…

 

Let’s face it, you are the only one that can feel yourself from the inside. No one else in this Universe knows how it feels to be you from within – so you know best about how you look and feel from the inside out. The others can only see you from the outside. So actually their approval is only based on a superficial exterior level, which is not the most important thing in life! There is nothing wrong with getting a makeover, or changing your style, but do it for yourself and not for others! Society is such a bitch, and will not be there for you if you “fall off your heels”, so who cares about what they think? Do what’s best for you and take care that you are happy and healthy. No one can insert happiness into your heart, and only you can make sure that you feel beautiful and wonderful. Ladies and gentlemen, do yourself a favor and don’t be influenced by others. Fuck what everyone thinks – to yourself you will always be beautiful exactly as you are and you know it ♥

 

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Love yourself and overcome your insecurities.
Love yourself and overcome your insecurities. 1200 400 Galia Brener

I would like to introduce myself again. My name is Galia Brener, and in high school people called me “Pepperoni pizza”. I had horrible acne. Grotesque pimples decorated my face, chest and back. I used to cover half of my face with my hair, and walk around like “Cousin It” from the Addams Family. I still have scars on my face and chest. Up until a few years ago, I would conceal this with heavy makeup, but now, I just don’t give a damn anymore. I threw out all of that hideous makeup. Too many years of crying for nothing!

 

Do you feel/think that: You are overweight? You have acne? You are too short? Too tall? Too skinny? Not smart or pretty enough? You feel like an alien alone on this planet because you’re different? Don’t worry, you are not alone. Listen to Pepperoni Pizza’s advice: Who cares what the others say or think. BE WHO YOU ARE, and be proud of it! “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” That’s my favorite quote from Oscar Wilde.

 

These insecurities take lots of joy and happiness away from us. For the first 20 years of my life I felt terrible about my face. Eventually, I got so sick and tired of hiding behind my hair and makeup. Those are just “illusions”. Even through the makeup, one could see the scars and acne. And even through the baggy long clothing, one can see your full curvy (beautiful!) body. So how long are we going to hide behind these “protectors”? And is this really protecting us, or making our insecurities worse?

 

My friend “Honey” is a European size 44, and is drop-dead gorgeous! She dated a man that treated her very badly. He always called her fat. Finally she had the courage to dump him. She was depressed and ate chocolate day and night to comfort her soul. Being a good friend, I ate the kilos of chocolate with her, while crying and laughing together. After we both gained one more clothing size, we decided to go to a party. Honey saw a tall, handsome, olive-skinned man with eyes as bright as the Jaguar XKR-S French Racing Blue color! He is a well-known basketball star (Let’s call him J). She fell in love at first sight! Later on, he approached her with a glass of wine, and they spent the rest of the evening chatting. Today they are still happy together. Sadly, Honey continues with her diets. She looses and gains weight, but J never cares about it. He loves her for who she is. The only person that cares about the weight is Honey herself. That’s a damn shame, because she is curvy and extremely beautiful, but doesn’t see or feel it!

 

So who really notices all of your imperfections? YOU! Sorry to tell you this, but you are your worst enemy. Just like I was mine. I hated my pimples, so I squeeze them. Unfortunately that made them even worse and left scars! It was disgusting and awful. I was trapped in my own dark hell inside of my head. What helped me later was to acknowledge and concentrate on my strengths! Are you good at art, cooking, sports, design, dancing, singing, etc? If so, spend more time doing these things and less time criticizing yourself. Do not constantly talk about your flaws with others. Instead, mention your good traits!

 

Here are a few steps that helped me to overcome my insecurity issues:

 

1: Ignore non-constructive insults, judgments and criticism about you and your body.

2: Let go of past emotional garbage. It’s a decision of letting go and starting a fresh cycle.

3: Don’t try to always please others. You’ll never be able to satisfy everyone. Think of yourself too!

4: Avoid negative and toxic people. Keep them out of your life!

5: Stop your negative thoughts. As soon as they start, block them by thinking of something completely different. Don’t give such destructive thoughts a chance to upset you!

6: Stop comparing yourself to others. Don’t copy others and accept your uniqueness.

7: Attack your worries and fears. Face them head-on! I hated going out into the sunlight with my acne because everyone could see it. I spent my days at home after school, like a damn vampire. So sad and pathetic. Enough! Face your fears! Buy that sexy dress, even if you feel that you are too curvy for it. Just do it and wear it with pride!

8: It’s time to start loving and respecting yourself. If you wont, then the others wont either! Show others how you want to be treated.

9: Set goals for yourself, and when you achieve them, reward and treat yourself.

10: Become more positive in your thoughts and actions. Be happy!

 

Please promise me that once you feel strong inside, try to help others to get to such a wonderful place as well. Look outside at what is happening in this crazy world. We are there to help each other. But before we can do so, we must start by helping ourselves. I wish you lots of good luck, strength and energy for your mission. Everything will be ok!

 

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Know your worth!
Know your worth! 514 193 Galia Brener

Everyone wants true love, even though many are too proud or embarrassed to admit it. They think that saying they need love might sound desperate, but it doesn’t. Love is the magic ingredient that makes life so much better, shinier and brighter. The only problem these days is that since sex is so easy to get, love has become harder to find! Some girls make themselves easily available for men to take and use as they wish. Then these men believe that this is possible with all girls, and so the vicious circle begins! The question is ladies, how much are you willing to sacrifice of yourself to get love and attention from a man? Even if he treats you badly, and you know you deserve better?

My friend Claudia learned this the hard way. Some months ago she met an extremely attractive man whom she quickly fell for. They only saw each other once a week, but she wanted to spend more time with him. As his nickname suggests, he played it very cool and had no time for her. He would take a day or two to answer her text messages, and almost never called her. He would wait last minute to make plans with her, and kept her waiting on hold quite often. However, when they did meet, it was quite nice. He would usually come to her place after their date, and they would have intense passionate sex. Strangely though, as cold and distant as he was, he would take her in his arms and cuddle after sex, and they would sleep the entire night in each other’s arms. Sometimes they also watched a movie and cuddled all evening. The next day he would leave, and as usual Claudia wouldn’t hear from him for a week. Some of his actions showed that he “might” want more, but deep down Claudia knew that he was just playing her, yet she continued to be in denial.

One evening they went to a party, and everyone was having a great time. Claudia had a glass of Prosecco too much, and felt the liquid courage to talk to Mr. Cold about how she felt. She told him straight up that she didn’t want to have a fling, affair or anything meaningless with him. She was on the market for true love, and nothing less than that! Mr. Cold was quite drunk himself and said he didn’t know what he wants, but really liked spending time with her! And so this “thing” whatever it was that they were having, continued. A few months passed and the situation was not getting better. He barely gave her once a week of his time, and he always disappeared on the weekends. It became worse. He would call during late hours and ring her doorbell at 4am, waking her and the entire building up! He would stand underneath her windows at night, convincing her that he must come upstairs, or begging her to come down for “just” a kiss.

It was obvious that he wanted her body, but not her heart. Claudia felt disgustingly used, like a whore who he came to fuck at night and leave in the morning. Every time he left her place she would hate herself a bit more. Mr. Cold was excruciatingly good looking, like Oscar Wilde’s Dorian Gray. She loved to look at him underneath her, while she was riding him in bed. But his beauty was not enough for such a sacrifice of her honor! She wanted to have a family, and give herself to a man who actually made the effort to commit to a real future with her. I was so angry, and told her to throw this “Cold-Garbage” away, and get some self-respect! Never ever allow a man to use you like this!

A warning to you good women out there: unfortunately Mr. Cold is a common type these days. These kind of men are simply out there to use good women, get what they want in bed, and run away. Do not compromise yourself for such a man, because you will get hurt! If you want something real and long-term, keep that as a target in your life. Men like Mr. Cold will only set you back, and make you feel worthless and used. You are not a doormat or a hotel for a quick layover! The most important thing to realize is that it is impossible to change someone like Mr. Cold, and make him think that he wants a relationship. Even if you manage to “trap” him into this, he will end up cheating and/or leaving. It’s not worth it. If you want something more meaningful than just cheap-sex, make sure you know your worth and not side-track yourself with a parasite like Mr. Cold. Save your love and kindness for a man who will actually appreciate and deserve it. If a man wants you for something serious, then he will show this to you! A good man will not waste your time for months without a commitment. Men are not stupid, and know exactly what they want, and whom they want it with – so know your worth and don’t sell yourself for less!

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