self esteem

Are You Beautiful?
Are You Beautiful? 960 1199 Galia Brener

Last week I met my girls for a drink and we got into a heated discussion about appearances. 3 out of the 4 said that it matters what others think of their appearance, especially other women. If they get compliments, and other women think they look good, then they feel better about themselves. If they get a negative comment about their appearance, their mood drops, and their confidence is affected as well. We spent hours philosophizing about this, and the girls decided that it’s important what others think about their appearance. I do not agree about this conclusion. What if one doesn’t get complimented all the time, do they have to hang themselves? No! You and only you decide about your own beauty, self-confidence and happiness.

Don’t forget that not everyone around us is automatically happy for us. Sometimes it will happen that people will criticize you on purpose, or say something negative simply to make you feel bad because they are jealous of you. It could also be that others have a completely different sense of what’s beautiful or not. And of course they’re own style might be completely the opposite of yours. So you can see the threat of relying on other people’s opinion about your appearance! I think it’s dangerous to put your happiness, which is your personal power, in other people’s hands. You are your own master, so please don’t let anyone steal your sunshine away from you.

I have a friend Kara, and she’s the fashion beauty queen of her clique. When she goes out with her girls, she is always dressed to perfection. Perfect hair, precisely done makeup, exquisitely matched accessories, and always 10cm+ high heels. They always look like those gorgeous girls out of a Vogue photo shooting. But the strange thing is that they walk around like that during the day as well! Of course with lower heels, but still full makeup on. Last month Kara and I met up for dinner. I asked that she comes casually dressed with very minimal makeup on. (I wanted to show her an important lesson). Of course as I expected she freaked out at first, but then agreed. We met outside the restaurant, and I was so surprised by her amazing natural beauty. As the evening progressed we drank some wine and she became more relaxed. I asked her why did she always make herself up like that? Wasn’t it excruciatingly exhausting to always try to be so perfect? She actually broke down and cried, and said that the pressure of society and her friends was unbearable.

She was expected to always look the prettiest and most perfect she can be. Actually deep inside of herself she hated it and herself for keeping up with this charade. Kara also said that otherwise men would pay less attention to her. Funny but as she was saying that, there was a young man at the next table looking intensely at her. As the evening progressed, Kara came out of her uncomfortable shell, and was enjoying herself very much – just being her natural self! The two men at the table invited us for a drink. Kara ended up meeting a wonderful guy and enjoyed the best evening she has had in years! He even complimented on how natural her beauty was! If she were made up like her usual Barbie doll self, he would have not spoken to her. Ever since that evening, Kara has really gotten back to her natural beautiful self, and feels happier and safer inside! I am so happy that she finally understood that happiness comes from within.

Let’s face it, you are the only one that can feel yourself from the inside. No one else in this Universe knows how it feels to be you from within – so you know best about how you look and feel from the inside out. The others can only see you from the outside. So actually their approval is only based on a superficial exterior level, which is actually not the most important thing. There is nothing wrong with getting a makeover, or changing your style, but do it for yourself and not for others! Society is such a bitch, and will not be there for you if you “fall off your heels”, so who cares what they think? Do what’s best for you, and take care that you are happy and healthy. No one can insert happiness into your heart, and only you can make sure that you feel beautiful and wonderful. Girls do yourself a favor and don’t be influenced by anyone. Not a man, not your friends and no one else. Disregard what they think – to yourself you will always be beautiful exactly as you are… and you know it ♥

Are you a slave to your EGO?
Are you a slave to your EGO? 1080 530 Galia Brener

Hello, my name is EGO, and I am here to destroy your relationships. I am your best friend, and in fact, I am you! Let me teach you our rules: you better damn know that we are always right! They hurt us, so we must punish them by becoming distant, cold, and letting them suffer. Let’s stay mad, and not talk to them for a few days, see how they feel about that! That will teach them a big lesson, and make them crawl back to us, begging for forgiveness. I am the best, smartest, most intelligent, fantastic thing that exists. I am the EGO after all! My way of doing things is always the best. Everyone must do things my way, because I am a control freak! I must warn you about our enemy “Love”. Being your ego, I want what’s best for you. I take care of you, and make sure you are always protected against the enemy. Love is very tricky. Love always wants me to listen to the other side of the story, and also admit when I am wrong! Can you believe it?! Love requires a strange thing called “compromising”. It’s totally beneath me. I do not do compromising since my opinion is the right one, why should I agree with anyone else? They must only agree with me! If Love doesn’t understand that, then she can drown herself in the toilet. I will be happy to push the handle and watch her flush down, where she belongs. My name is EGO, and I am the only one who truly cares about you. I want the best for you! I adore always saying “I”, since “I” am the center of the Universe!

Sounds funny right? Unfortunately, that’s what happens in the minds of most people. Maybe not to such a drastic extent, but everyone’s Ego has gotten in the way of their happiness, at least once in their lives.

My friend Cindy told me a story about her boyfriend. They loved each other very much. Unfortunately after a few months, both started having problems with their jobs. This stressed them out, and made them fight. They had long talks, and Cindy realized what her mistakes were. She wanted to compromise and make the necessary steps to heal the relationship. She loved him more than the air she breathed. He continued to be cold and distant, even though she made such a huge effort to come towards him, and understand him. She opened her heart to him, and explained why these problems occurred, because she waned them to find a path together for the future. Cindy managed to step over her ego, and did all she could to save the relationship. His mistakes also created problems and fights, but he wouldn’t admit it. With horror, she realized, “How can a man suddenly turn off his love and emotions towards her, when he supposedly loved her so much?” And then the bitter truth struck her. He never did truly love her. A man that genuinely loves his woman is happy when she wants to make compromises, and save the relationship. Everyone is different when entering a relationship, and only compromises can save true love. Throwing something away is quite easy. His ego and pride were standing in his way. He couldn’t see beyond, and it made him weak. Due to this, he lost the person that loved him more than anyone ever did or will. He will realize this as time goes by, when sadness and regret settle deep in his broken heart. By then, it will be too late.

To be able to “truly” love, you must drop the ego. The Ego knows no difference between male or female. We all have this evil inside of us. The Ego sticks its wicked claws into the person, controls them, and usually ruins their loves and lives. It must be controlled and not given any power! For example feeling jealousy, or feeling the need to argue with your partner until s/he admits that you are right. These fights usually occur about minor issues, and during times of stress. You might think that the other is taking advantage of you, and your point of view is less important then theirs. My advice to you is, don’t sweat the small stuff, simply let it go! You cannot always be right. What helps is resisting the temptation to always feel the need to defend yourself. This is actually the Ego defending itself. The Ego will win the argument, but you can lose your partner. Think about it, is this situation worth losing your loved one?

After this initial reaction to a fight, there is sometimes a need to continue punishing the partner. He hurt you, and therefore must pay the price for this. You give him/her the silent treatment, creating mountains of distance between you two. Who will write or call first? How long will you continue to treat your partner this way after the argument? Until the love completely dies? Actually, you are also hurting yourself in the process of this unnecessary harsh treatment.

You must learn to agree to disagree! Learn to compromise! After arguments, the Ego will always try to trick you with doubts, fear, self-defence, re-thinking/evaluating the relationship, thinking “This doesn’t make me happy anymore, I need to protect myself and get out now!” The cold brutal rationality kills any feeling of love that you both established before. There will be fights once in a while, but you must be ready to let the issue go, or not only give blame, but also take blame upon yourself. Even Soul Mates are challenged with fights, in order to determine if their love for each other is real and strong. Be brave and tame your Ego. Build your own inner strength! This will not humiliate you, quite the opposite actually, this will make you strong and brave! How much longer do you want to be a slave to your Ego? If you are not willing to adjust to each other and work together on your relationship, then do yourself and your heart a favor, do not fall in love at all.

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Are You Beautiful?
Are You Beautiful? 1200 400 Galia Brener

Last week I met my girls for a drink and we got into a heated discussion about appearances. 3 out of the 4 said that it matters what others think of their appearance, especially other women. If they get compliments, and other women think they look good, then they feel better about themselves. If they get a negative comment about their appearance, their mood drops, and their confidence is affected as well. We spent hours philosophizing about this, and the girls decided that it’s important what others think about their appearance. I do not agree about this conclusion. What if one doesn’t get complimented all the time, do they have to hang themself? No! You and only you decide about your own beauty, self-confidence and happiness.

 

Don’t forget that not everyone around us is happy for us. Sometimes people will criticize you on purpose, or say something negative simply to make you feel bad because they are jealous of you. It could also be that others have a completely different sense of what’s beautiful or not. And of course they’re own style might be completely the opposite of yours. So you can see the threat of relying on other people’s opinion about your appearance! I think it’s dangerous to put your happiness, which is your personal power, in other people’s hands. You are your own master, so please don’t let anyone steal your sunshine away from you.

 

I have a friend Lilia and she’s the fashion beauty queen of her clique. When she goes out with her girls, she is always dressed to perfection. Perfect hair, precisely done makeup, exquisitely matched accessories, and always 12cm+ high heels. They always look like those gorgeous girls out of a Vogue photo shooting. But the strange thing is that they walk around like that during the day as well! Of course with lower heels, but still full makeup on. Last month Lilia and I met up for dinner. I asked that she comes casually dressed with very minimal makeup on. (I wanted to show her an important lesson). Of course as I expected she freaked out at first, but then agreed. We met outside the restaurant, and I was so surprised by her amazing natural beauty! As the evening progressed we drank some wine and she became more relaxed. I asked her why did she always make herself up like that? Wasn’t it excruciatingly exhausting to always try to be so perfect? She actually broke down, cried and said that the pressure of society and her friends was unbearable.

 

She was expected to always look the prettiest and most perfect she can be. Actually deep inside of herself she hated it and herself for keeping up with this charade. Lilia also said that otherwise men would pay less attention to her. Funny but as she was saying that, there was a young man at the next table looking intensely at her. As the evening progressed, Lilia came out of her uncomfortable shell, and was enjoying herself very much – just being her natural self! The two men at the table invited us for a drink. Lilia ended up meeting a wonderful guy and enjoyed the best evening she has had in years! He even complimented on how natural her beauty was! If she were made up like her usual Barbie doll self, he wouldn’t have spoken to her. Ever since that evening, Lilia has really gotten back to her natural beautiful self and feels happier and safer inside! I am so happy that she finally understood that happiness comes from within. After a few weeks, she told me that she doesn’t need any more constant confirmation from the outside world about her appearance. She feels happy and stronger inside. She started to slowly love herself as she is. She said that if someone doesn’t like it, they could go to one place where the sun doesn’t shine…

 

Let’s face it, you are the only one that can feel yourself from the inside. No one else in this Universe knows how it feels to be you from within – so you know best about how you look and feel from the inside out. The others can only see you from the outside. So actually their approval is only based on a superficial exterior level, which is not the most important thing in life! There is nothing wrong with getting a makeover, or changing your style, but do it for yourself and not for others! Society is such a bitch, and will not be there for you if you “fall off your heels”, so who cares about what they think? Do what’s best for you and take care that you are happy and healthy. No one can insert happiness into your heart, and only you can make sure that you feel beautiful and wonderful. Ladies and gentlemen, do yourself a favor and don’t be influenced by others. Fuck what everyone thinks – to yourself you will always be beautiful exactly as you are and you know it ♥

 

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Love yourself and overcome your insecurities.
Love yourself and overcome your insecurities. 1200 400 Galia Brener

I would like to introduce myself again. My name is Galia Brener, and in high school people called me “Pepperoni pizza”. I had horrible acne. Grotesque pimples decorated my face, chest and back. I used to cover half of my face with my hair, and walk around like “Cousin It” from the Addams Family. I still have scars on my face and chest. Up until a few years ago, I would conceal this with heavy makeup, but now, I just don’t give a damn anymore. I threw out all of that hideous makeup. Too many years of crying for nothing!

 

Do you feel/think that: You are overweight? You have acne? You are too short? Too tall? Too skinny? Not smart or pretty enough? You feel like an alien alone on this planet because you’re different? Don’t worry, you are not alone. Listen to Pepperoni Pizza’s advice: Who cares what the others say or think. BE WHO YOU ARE, and be proud of it! “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” That’s my favorite quote from Oscar Wilde.

 

These insecurities take lots of joy and happiness away from us. For the first 20 years of my life I felt terrible about my face. Eventually, I got so sick and tired of hiding behind my hair and makeup. Those are just “illusions”. Even through the makeup, one could see the scars and acne. And even through the baggy long clothing, one can see your full curvy (beautiful!) body. So how long are we going to hide behind these “protectors”? And is this really protecting us, or making our insecurities worse?

 

My friend “Honey” is a European size 44, and is drop-dead gorgeous! She dated a man that treated her very badly. He always called her fat. Finally she had the courage to dump him. She was depressed and ate chocolate day and night to comfort her soul. Being a good friend, I ate the kilos of chocolate with her, while crying and laughing together. After we both gained one more clothing size, we decided to go to a party. Honey saw a tall, handsome, olive-skinned man with eyes as bright as the Jaguar XKR-S French Racing Blue color! He is a well-known basketball star (Let’s call him J). She fell in love at first sight! Later on, he approached her with a glass of wine, and they spent the rest of the evening chatting. Today they are still happy together. Sadly, Honey continues with her diets. She looses and gains weight, but J never cares about it. He loves her for who she is. The only person that cares about the weight is Honey herself. That’s a damn shame, because she is curvy and extremely beautiful, but doesn’t see or feel it!

 

So who really notices all of your imperfections? YOU! Sorry to tell you this, but you are your worst enemy. Just like I was mine. I hated my pimples, so I squeeze them. Unfortunately that made them even worse and left scars! It was disgusting and awful. I was trapped in my own dark hell inside of my head. What helped me later was to acknowledge and concentrate on my strengths! Are you good at art, cooking, sports, design, dancing, singing, etc? If so, spend more time doing these things and less time criticizing yourself. Do not constantly talk about your flaws with others. Instead, mention your good traits!

 

Here are a few steps that helped me to overcome my insecurity issues:

 

1: Ignore non-constructive insults, judgments and criticism about you and your body.

2: Let go of past emotional garbage. It’s a decision of letting go and starting a fresh cycle.

3: Don’t try to always please others. You’ll never be able to satisfy everyone. Think of yourself too!

4: Avoid negative and toxic people. Keep them out of your life!

5: Stop your negative thoughts. As soon as they start, block them by thinking of something completely different. Don’t give such destructive thoughts a chance to upset you!

6: Stop comparing yourself to others. Don’t copy others and accept your uniqueness.

7: Attack your worries and fears. Face them head-on! I hated going out into the sunlight with my acne because everyone could see it. I spent my days at home after school, like a damn vampire. So sad and pathetic. Enough! Face your fears! Buy that sexy dress, even if you feel that you are too curvy for it. Just do it and wear it with pride!

8: It’s time to start loving and respecting yourself. If you wont, then the others wont either! Show others how you want to be treated.

9: Set goals for yourself, and when you achieve them, reward and treat yourself.

10: Become more positive in your thoughts and actions. Be happy!

 

Please promise me that once you feel strong inside, try to help others to get to such a wonderful place as well. Look outside at what is happening in this crazy world. We are there to help each other. But before we can do so, we must start by helping ourselves. I wish you lots of good luck, strength and energy for your mission. Everything will be ok!

 

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Brener,-Galia_MG_8454

Is beautiful automatically sexy?
Is beautiful automatically sexy? 1200 400 Galia Brener

Ladies this one is for you. I know that all women have occupied themselves – at least once in their life – with the thought, “Am I beautiful?” Some have more self-esteem, some have less, but at the end of the day, what does “being beautiful” really mean? I asked myself, is “classical beauty” really so important to have? After looking closely at this topic, I realized that a real sensual appeal is not so much connected to the traditional sense of the word “beauty”. In fact, I came to understand that being beautiful does not automatically make one sexy!

 

There is an immense pressure in society for women to assimilate to a standard form of beauty. But guess what dear ladies; the classical definition of beauty has nothing to do with sex appeal and sensuality. Have you ever walked down the street, saw couple where the man is handsome and the woman looks like an average grey mouse, and thought to yourself, “What the hell does he see in her?” To you on the outside, she might not appear to be a beauty, yet there is something about her that is sensual and appealing to him. Whether it’s her feminine walk, the way she pouts her lips when she’s thinking or her extremely big eyes that might look like an alien to you, yet to him she’s a sensual catwoman! In fact, many of the women that do possess classical beauty surprisingly have a low self-esteem, which is quite the opposite of what men are attracted to.

 

I made a very interesting observation. Last week, I was in the train and saw a woman that matches the classical definition of beauty, with perfectly sized and symmetrical facial and body features. Yet surprisingly, she appeared plain. There were no edges or anything unique, which made her stand out and noticeable, yet her features were perfect in themselves. If I saw her again I would not recognize her. That was the moment I actually realized that it’s true what they say: the imperfections are what make people truly unique, noticeable, characteristic, sensual and sexy! The imperfections are the elements that create perfection.

 

My good friend Jilli is a good example for this topic. She admits that she has a big nose, bad skin, her chin is too long and pointy, and she has very thin and sensitive skin, which shows each wrinkle and cellulite that she has. She says about herself, “I am far from being a classical beauty, yet I know that I am damn sexy, and have a very strong and sensual effect on men.” And she’s right. I know in fact that many men like her, write, call, contact her and want to be with her. Her face is very unique and her naturally large lips and eyes blend well together with her aquiline nose and protruding chin. Her features are not symmetrical or perfectly shaped, and she would never fit in the traditional definition of beauty, yet she is one of the most sensual women that I know. Her mysterious smile, and the perfect timing how she looks down to hide an amused glance, or the way she sways her curvy hips when she walks, or how her lips look cute like a duck when looking at her profile, her overly-defined cheekbones and the way her teeth point out on the edges, all contribute to her extreme sensuality. Jilli’s appearance is like sushi: you either love it or hate it, but you will never forget it. She once dated a plastic surgeon that “kindly” wanted to give her nose job for her birthday. While some women would have been ecstatic at this idea, Jilli was appalled at the thought of being put to sleep, having her nose broken and chiseled, having the skin reshaped on the broken nose, and letting the bone and skin heal again. Such pain! And for what? For her superficial doc boyfriend to love her “more” for her smaller nose?! No way! She threw his flakey ass to the curb, where it belongs.

 

Ladies you have to realize that sexiness and sensuality have more to do with your personality, self-esteem, attitude, ability to love and laugh at yourself, your humor, achievements, body language and movements, rather than with your classical beauty features. Rejoice in the fact that the gap between your teeth, your upper lip that’s bigger than your lower, your round bum, your contagious laugh, your curly red hair, your boney knees, your freckled face, your big nose, large forehead, or any other feature that makes you unique, is a wonderful bonus to your appearance. You might be surprised that those things that you don’t like about yourself seem incredibly attractive to others. Those little odd things about you, are your signature trademarks that make you, YOU! Classic beauty tends to be boring and unspectacular, yet unique facial and body characteristics can be extremely hot, sexy and exciting. My advise would be instead of concentrating on the things that you hate about yourself, try to give more attention to the things that you love about yourself, and learn to embrace the odd things about your appearance! Make the best of what you have. Instead of trying to fix what’s not necessarily broken, why not adore what’s already perfectly beautiful about you?

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Brener,-Galia_MG_8185

Do you think you’re beautiful?
Do you think you’re beautiful? 1354 437 Galia Brener

Last week I met my girls for a drink and we got into a heated discussion about appearances. 3 out of the 4 said that it matters what others think of their appearance, especially other women. If they get compliments, and other women think they look good, then they feel better about themselves. If they get a negative comment about their appearance, their mood drops, and their confidence is affected as well. We spent hours philosophizing about this, and the girls decided that it’s important what others think about their appearance. I do not agree about this conclusion. What if one doesn’t get complimented all the time, do they have to hang themself? No! You and only you decide about your own beauty, self-confidence and happiness.

Don’t forget than not everyone around us is automatically happy for us. Sometimes it will happen that people will criticize you on purpose, or say something negative simply to make you feel bad because they are jealous of you. It could also be that others have a completely different sense of what’s beautiful or not. And of course they’re own style might be completely the opposite of yours. So you can see the threat of relying on other people’s opinion about your appearance! I think it’s dangerous to put your happiness, which is your personal power, in other people’s hands. You are your own master, so please don’t let anyone steal your sunshine away from you.

I have a friend Lilia, and she’s the fashion beauty queen of her clique. When she goes out with her girls, she is always dressed to perfection. Perfect hair, precisely done makeup, exquisitely matched accessories, and always 12cm+ high heels. They always look like those gorgeous girls out of a Vogue photo shooting. But the strange thing is that they walk around like that during the day as well! Of course with lower heels, but still full makeup on. Last month Lilia and I met up for dinner. I asked that she comes casually dressed with very minimal makeup on. (I wanted to show her an important lesson). Of course as I expected she freaked out at first, but then agreed. We met outside the restaurant, and I was so surprised by her amazing natural beauty! As the evening progressed we drank some wine and she became more relaxed. I asked her why did she always make herself up like that? Wasn’t it excruciatingly exhausting to always try to be so perfect? She actually broke down and cried, and said that the pressure of society and her friends was unbearable.

She was expected to always look the prettiest and most perfect she can be. Actually deep inside of herself she hated it, and herself for keeping up with this charade. Lilia also said that otherwise men would pay less attention to her. Funny but as she was saying that, there was a young man at the next table looking intensely at her. As the evening progressed, Lilia came out of her uncomfortable shell, and was enjoying herself very much – just being her natural self! The two men at the table invited us for a drink. Lilia ended up meeting a wonderful guy, and enjoyed the best evening she has had in years! He even complimented on how natural her beauty was! If she were made up like her usual Barbie doll self, he would have not spoken to her. Ever since that evening, Lilia has really gotten back to her natural beautiful self, and feels happier and safer inside! I am so happy that she finally understood that happiness comes from within.

Let’s face it, you are the only one that can feel yourself from the inside. No one else in this Universe knows how it feels to be you from within – so you know best about how you look and feel from the inside out. The others can only see you from the outside. So actually their approval is only based on a superficial exterior level, which is actually not the most important thing. There is nothing wrong with getting a makeover, or changing your style, but do it for yourself and not for others! Society is such a bitch, and will not be there for you if you “fall off your heels”, so who cares about what they think? Do what’s best for you, and take care that you are happy and healthy. No one can insert happiness into your heart, and only you can make sure that you feel beautiful and wonderful. Girls do yourself a favor and don’t be influenced by anyone. Not a man, not your friends and no one else. Fuck what everyone thinks – to yourself you will always be beautiful exactly as you are, and you know it ♥

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