relationships

There is nothing wrong with being single.

There is nothing wrong with being single. 1200 899 Galia Brener

According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, the word single is defined as: “Not having or including another: only one.” What the hell is this nonsense? It sounds so lonely and awful! Please do not listen to Mr. Merriam or Webster, who wrote this depressive crap in the early 19th century, when being single after the age of 20 was considered a mortal sin! Being single does not mean that you are the only one, lonely or that you do not have anyone else. Quite the opposite! Being single means that you are clever enough not to jump onto the next best thing, just for the sake of “having a partner” or having a heart in your Facebook relationship status. I like to say, “It’s better to be single than in a bad relationship.”

There are advantages to being single, such as more time for getting your things done. We tend to get sad and think of how much we want love when we are single. But instead of being sad, take that same energy and invest it into your career. You have a chance to increase your motivation, to focus and concentrate on your work, and not get sidetracked. You should use this spare time to apply yourself as much as you can to achieve success. Don’t forget that when you meet a new love, the concentration is gone for the first half a year, and your career might suffer from it. So take the time now and make yourself successful. 

Grab your best friend, and finally go on that Asia trip that you have been dreaming of for so long! Don’t sit on your couch fantasizing about having a man beside you, instead get off your bum, book a flight, pack your nice outfits and enjoy life! Make your single time special and truly unforgettable. When the man and children come, there will not be much time to leisurely fly around the world with your girls. You will have responsibilities to take care of, and jet-setting will not be your first priority, so why not do it now? Travelling enriches the soul, and broadens your horizon. Your adventures will shape and make you the person that you are meant to be. Besides, you never know what happens on such journeys, and whom you meet. You might be pleasantly surprised.

My friend Jilli is a good example for this. She was hurt in the past, and it was the last drop in her tortured love life, so she swore off men and simply didn’t care anymore. Instead, she founded her own company, worked her bum off, became successful, traveled the world with her friends, took care of her health and body, spend precious time with her parents, cooked delicious meals for herself, and simply enjoyed life. She was not going to put her happiness in the hands of a stranger anymore. She wanted to create her own happy world, and so she did! One warm summer evening we all went to the King Kamehameha boat party. Jilli was silly that evening, and the first thing she said was, “To hell with love!” I remember laughing because she had a Prosecco in one hand, and the other hand waving at the air pretending to send love away. The music was fantastic, the cocktails were delicious and the air was warm with sensual tension. This evening Jilli unexpectedly met the love of her life, Leo. Their love is still strong, and even today; Kingka is a magical love-charm for them. Jilli told me that last night she and Leo went to the Kingka Family Reunion party, and they had such a wonderful time! It brought them happy memories of when they first met. Kingka has and always will have a special place in their hearts.

But you see, love works quite differently than we want it to. As soon as Jilli didn’t stress and get desperate about it, love came flying straight towards her. She was occupied with life, instead of sitting sad at home. People smell a state of desperation, and it repels them away. Jilli chose life, and in the process got love. Being single is not a curse or bloody disease. So enjoy it. 

Harassing yourself with thoughts of “Where is he already?” will not get you anywhere. On the contrary, it will make you more miserable and desperate. Desperation is a bitch because she will force you to take anyone, just to feel close and warm to “someone”. When Lady Desperation comes knocking on your door, send her back to hell where she belongs. You are fabulous and deserve the best, so please don’t settle for less because you can’t stand being single anymore. We have all been there. The best thing is to start occupying yourself with important things as soon as possible. Going out, partying and drinking with your friends might be an entertaining way too pass time, but it will not leave you satisfied. It’s better to include some serious goal making and achieving time during your single phase. Then you can look back and see that you have accomplished something during this time. Don’t sit and wait for a partner to come into your life to complete and make you happy. What about your friends, family, hobbies, goals and dreams? There is so much to be done, and absolutely no time to be sad – besides, frowning causes wrinkles, and you don’t want those. So get up, dust yourself off, embark on your adventures and start living fully – single or not! 

Photo by: Uwe M. Carl

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Are you a slave to your EGO?

Are you a slave to your EGO? 1080 530 Galia Brener

Hello, my name is EGO, and I am here to destroy your relationships. I am your best friend, and in fact, I am you! Let me teach you our rules: you better damn know that we are always right! They hurt us, so we must punish them by becoming distant, cold, and letting them suffer. Let’s stay mad, and not talk to them for a few days, see how they feel about that! That will teach them a big lesson, and make them crawl back to us, begging for forgiveness. I am the best, smartest, most intelligent, fantastic thing that exists. I am the EGO after all! My way of doing things is always the best. Everyone must do things my way, because I am a control freak! I must warn you about our enemy “Love”. Being your ego, I want what’s best for you. I take care of you, and make sure you are always protected against the enemy. Love is very tricky. Love always wants me to listen to the other side of the story, and also admit when I am wrong! Can you believe it?! Love requires a strange thing called “compromising”. It’s totally beneath me. I do not do compromising since my opinion is the right one, why should I agree with anyone else? They must only agree with me! If Love doesn’t understand that, then she can drown herself in the toilet. I will be happy to push the handle and watch her flush down, where she belongs. My name is EGO, and I am the only one who truly cares about you. I want the best for you! I adore always saying “I”, since “I” am the center of the Universe!

Sounds funny right? Unfortunately, that’s what happens in the minds of most people. Maybe not to such a drastic extent, but everyone’s Ego has gotten in the way of their happiness, at least once in their lives.

My friend Cindy told me a story about her boyfriend. They loved each other very much. Unfortunately after a few months, both started having problems with their jobs. This stressed them out, and made them fight. They had long talks, and Cindy realized what her mistakes were. She wanted to compromise and make the necessary steps to heal the relationship. She loved him more than the air she breathed. He continued to be cold and distant, even though she made such a huge effort to come towards him, and understand him. She opened her heart to him, and explained why these problems occurred, because she waned them to find a path together for the future. Cindy managed to step over her ego, and did all she could to save the relationship. His mistakes also created problems and fights, but he wouldn’t admit it. With horror, she realized, “How can a man suddenly turn off his love and emotions towards her, when he supposedly loved her so much?” And then the bitter truth struck her. He never did truly love her. A man that genuinely loves his woman is happy when she wants to make compromises, and save the relationship. Everyone is different when entering a relationship, and only compromises can save true love. Throwing something away is quite easy. His ego and pride were standing in his way. He couldn’t see beyond, and it made him weak. Due to this, he lost the person that loved him more than anyone ever did or will. He will realize this as time goes by, when sadness and regret settle deep in his broken heart. By then, it will be too late.

To be able to “truly” love, you must drop the ego. The Ego knows no difference between male or female. We all have this evil inside of us. The Ego sticks its wicked claws into the person, controls them, and usually ruins their loves and lives. It must be controlled and not given any power! For example feeling jealousy, or feeling the need to argue with your partner until s/he admits that you are right. These fights usually occur about minor issues, and during times of stress. You might think that the other is taking advantage of you, and your point of view is less important then theirs. My advice to you is, don’t sweat the small stuff, simply let it go! You cannot always be right. What helps is resisting the temptation to always feel the need to defend yourself. This is actually the Ego defending itself. The Ego will win the argument, but you can lose your partner. Think about it, is this situation worth losing your loved one?

After this initial reaction to a fight, there is sometimes a need to continue punishing the partner. He hurt you, and therefore must pay the price for this. You give him/her the silent treatment, creating mountains of distance between you two. Who will write or call first? How long will you continue to treat your partner this way after the argument? Until the love completely dies? Actually, you are also hurting yourself in the process of this unnecessary harsh treatment.

You must learn to agree to disagree! Learn to compromise! After arguments, the Ego will always try to trick you with doubts, fear, self-defence, re-thinking/evaluating the relationship, thinking “This doesn’t make me happy anymore, I need to protect myself and get out now!” The cold brutal rationality kills any feeling of love that you both established before. There will be fights once in a while, but you must be ready to let the issue go, or not only give blame, but also take blame upon yourself. Even Soul Mates are challenged with fights, in order to determine if their love for each other is real and strong. Be brave and tame your Ego. Build your own inner strength! This will not humiliate you, quite the opposite actually, this will make you strong and brave! How much longer do you want to be a slave to your Ego? If you are not willing to adjust to each other and work together on your relationship, then do yourself and your heart a favor, do not fall in love at all.

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BILD newspaper interview, quiz and video

BILD newspaper interview, quiz and video 1200 400 Galia Brener

Interview: About my blog and a little relationship & sex tip for the German BILD newspaper. A big thanks to Niklas Cordes, Ricarda Discoking, Vincenzo Mancuso and Yulia Mettier for the styling!

 

About my blog video:

Translation to English: I speak a bit about my blog. Then they asked what is a good tip to keep relationships/marriages going – I answered that no matter how and when a couple is fighting, they should never forget the sex. Even if there are fights, as long as the sex is still happening, the relationship has a higher chance/rate of survival. Basically – Don’t forget the sex – Intimacy bonds.

 

The fashion quiz:

 

The article:

In the BILD newspaper online: http://www.bild.de/regional/frankfurt/hessen/deine-blogger-43210560.bild.html

 

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Where can you find love?

Where can you find love? 1200 400 Galia Brener

Are you ready to find that strange addictive drug everyone is gossiping about, called “Love”? But where can you find it? Just a little friendly warning, your dream partner will not be dropped from the heavens above into your living room. You must leave your flat once in a while, because couch surfing will not bring you closer to finding love.

 

I will start with my favorite thing in the entire Universe: Food. Honestly, who does not love an exotic meal, with unique smells and tastes they never tried before? Food unites people, especially those who truly enjoy it! The Kleinmarkthalle in Frankfurt on Saturdays is perfect because you can browse the aisles filled with delicious fresh food, beautiful women and handsome men. These fellows actually attempt to cook, and are not scared to burn down their flat. That’s 2 bonus points for bravery! Have a coffee in the market, it’s a perfect place to see and be seen. I would also recommend taking a cooking class with a good chef. You can meet someone nice with a similar hobby, and maybe make you own “Crème Brûlée” together at home, if you know what I mean! You can also try art, photography, language, music, dance, and acting classes.

 

A grocery store is full of opportunities. Best time to go is after work, around 7 – 8pm. Accidently drop your bacon on his foot, or let him reach for a bottle of wine on a top shelf for you. Even if you can reach it yourself, ask him for his help. Men like to feel needed, and will be glad to help you. Then start a casual conversation about wines, white or red, which country you prefer best, etc. Don’t forget to show your pretty smile. Nothing is sexier than an authentic, warm, friendly smile!

 

After all this eating, you must burn off the calories. Where? At the gym, golf course or yoga class. I did Kung Fu for a while, because I love action, and sparring with men is really fun. You get to punch, kick, and see how the sexual tension rises! If you see someone you like at the gym, make eye contact with him/her. Do that several times, and in the last few times, smile sweetly and look away. Men are hunters in their nature, so allow him to make the first move and effort to get you. Be sweet, open and friendly, but don’t overdo it. Let him be the ones to charm you! Also, do not underestimate a nice jog, or walk in the park with your dog.

 

After all this physical activity, it’s time to rest and visit a nice bookstore. Sit down and browse through the book you want to buy, or maybe have a coffee and muffin at the bookstore café. Women: go to the cars and sport sections of the bookstore. Men: go to the cooking, gardening, etc. sections. You never know who you will lock your eyes with there! Art, travel, photography, design, architecture, fashion, etc. are also wonderful areas at a bookstore to meet interesting people. Maybe try to finally fix up your home and go to a hardware store. You will find many “big steel hammers” there… so go and have fun!

 

After fixing your home and reading the books, it’s time to put on your favorite outfit and go out with your friends. Nice neighborhood cafés, bars and lounges are always good. Ask the sexy man standing beside you at the bar what he is drinking, because you want to try something new. Give him a warm smile and say thanks. If he’s into you, he will continue the conversation. If not, it means that he might be taken, shy or is not into you. If he is shy, try to make eye contact a few more times, and see how he responds. Smile at him so that he sees that you are interested. This will help him work up the courage to talk to you. Men and women need reassurance. It’s normal to be scared of rejection. There is nothing wrong in showing someone “subtly” that you are interested in them. Try to attend private house parties with friends. It’s great meeting friends of friends, because you know that you will most likely meet nice quality people.

 

Special events like wine or whiskey tasting are fabulous to meet your new love. You can taste delicious new brands, ask questions, laugh and truly enjoy yourself. Go to an old-timer car event with your brother, and meet new men. Or take your best buddy and go on a ski holiday. You are assured to bump into some fun people on the slopes or at the Après-ski bars and resort areas. This will be a guaranteed amazing time, and will give you a chance to bond with your friend.

 

This might sound old-fashioned, but a church, synagogue, etc. are great places to meet someone who is serious, and is looking for a life partner, rather than a few nights of wild fun. Community service, like helping the homeless is also wonderful and good for your karma! Art exhibitions, museums and galleries are excellent for meeting someone interesting. Talk about the crazy painting that’s in front of you, and try to make each other laugh by describing the silly things you interpret in it. Flirt and enjoy yourself. If things flow smoothly, go for a coffee afterwards.

 

Remember dear boys and girls, if s/he does not flirt back, it’s not the end of the world. There are so many wonderful places to go to and lovely people to meet. The partner that is meant to be for you will enter your life when you least expect it! Do not be sad if it does not happen very soon. Everything happens in the right time and place. Give it some time and enjoy your single life. Then one day, you will bump into him on the street, or at a boat party, and you’ll know he’s the one. Be happy and exude positivity! Happiness attracts happy people.

 

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Photo by: Bruno Steinert

 

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A Man’s “Open-Window” for Marriage

A Man’s “Open-Window” for Marriage 1200 400 Galia Brener

Have you ever wondered why some girls meet a new guy and everything works out very quickly? In a matter of months they get engaged and start a wonderful life together. Well, it’s not just about getting lucky – it’s about meeting a man in his right time. I call it the “window” because every man has his window, or time frame, when he is willing to get married and start a family.

 

This reminds me of a situation with a friend’s cousin. He was dating a great girl for over 6 years. She was waiting for the moment when he asks her to marry him, but unfortunately it did not come. He was even mean enough to ask her to loose weight. She complied with his request but still no proposal came from him. One summer day he went out with his buddies and met a new woman. He was very fascinated by her, and couldn’t stay away from this woman for more than a day! He was mesmerized by her character and values. He broke up with his girlfriend and moved in with this new woman within a month. A year later he asked her to marry him. Now they live in a nice house and are happier than ever. Unfortunately his ex is still devastatingly heartbroken! I asked him why he didn’t marry his ex? He said that he was not ready back then. Granted, the new girl was different. She was independent and very unique, and she met him at the right time. She caught him when his window was open!

 

So where is the fairness in this? One woman wastes years and years on a man, and the other meets him and gets married within months! I realized that it’s not about the luck, but rather about the timing! I for example, would not date a man for 5 years without knowing that it would lead to marriage. This is a waste of time, and girls we know that we are not getting younger. So why spend your time with a man that doesn’t plan a future with you? Sure, there are rare cases when you date a man forever and suddenly he decides to make a true commitment and get married. But unfortunately I hear more stories where nothing happens after years, and eventually the couples break up, like the story of my friend’s cousin.

 

My advice would be to talk about this earlier on in the relationship. Open communication is extremely important. It’s crucial to say what you want, without being scared to lose your partner. After one year, you should be able to tell your man where you see this relationship going. A friend of mine told her boyfriend of a year that she is not the kind of girl that can be in a relationship for many years without a marriage commitment. She let him know earlier on what she expects from their partnership. Half a year after that conversation he asked her to marry him. He wanted her in his life and knew that she would not wait forever. However, he didn’t feel pressured by this talk. He was simply ready for this next step, so he did it!

 

Ladies, please do not fear to lose your man. Be brave enough to tell him what you want! If he truly loves you, then he will want to spend the rest of his life with you anyways! If he respects you, then he will not make you wait for 5 or more years before giving you a ring. Sometimes men also need a little push. Not an aggressive demand, but a hint that you can imagine more with him. This also shows him that you are a serious woman. Of course not everyone wants to get married, but if you do, then why restrict yourself? Why get stuck at 45 years of age with a man whom you’ve dated for 7 years who doesn’t want to get married? Your life is in your hands, so make the best out of it. What you decide for yourself is how you will live your life, so please choose well!

 

I can only suggest that we must speak up! We have a brain and mouth to use. We have the ability to say what we want and when we want it. The biggest mistake to make is not to communicate to your partner what you want. To sit and wait for years until he “magically” decides to marry you is not a solution! Unfortunately not everyone has the power to speak up. Many are scared if they say they want marriage, the man will feel pressured and back out of the relationship. This is also a good test to see how much your man truly loves you. If a man has a strong love for his woman, then he will definitely want to make her the mother of his children. If not, then it will take him ages to marry her, and there is actually no guarantee that he will marry her at all. It’s like playing Russian roulette, so why take the risk? Talk to him and see where it’s going. Don’t be afraid, if he truly loves you, then he will understand. If not, then be happy to get rid if him! Why give yourself to a man who doesn’t appreciate it?

 

If you’re single and have the wish to get married, then be very observant of the men you date. Check out if he mentions children and parenthood. Does he speak of marriage positively, or about his married friends? Does he hint that he would also like to be a husband and father someday or even soon? Does he plan long-term with you? Does he integrate you into his serious life plans? After so many years of dating, I can tell quickly when a man is ready or not. You have to pay close attention to his deeds! Does he show you that he is serious about you? Men really do have an open window of opportunity when they want to get married. When their career is established, when they have achieved what they want and are ready to settle down roots. It’s all about the right timing. You don’t have to give up your dream of marriage and family. You have to choose well and “feel” if your guy is ready and is marriage material or not! Have faith that you deserve the best, and it will come to you. Never sell yourself for less than you deserve!

 

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Jealousy kills relationships!

Jealousy kills relationships! 1200 400 Galia Brener

Did you ever have the feeling that your blood is boiling and fire will soon flare out of your nose? Why? Because your partner is looking at, or talking to the beautiful girl beside you at the bar! However in reality, he is simply being polite and asking if she can make space for him to order something for the both of you. If this situation sounds familiar to you, then you are part of the Jealousy Club. Welcome. There are many of us. I have been a member since my first relationship, but thankfully I have killed this horrific habit throughout the years.

 

What can we do to overcome the battle with the Jealousy Demon? Sometimes I fear that jealousy over a partner can last for a lifetime, but actually it really is possible to work on this and destroy this monster! Do we have the power within ourselves to send this jealousy demon back to hell, where he belongs?

 

This brings me back to a story about my close friend Jilli. She went with her new love, Leo, to a club in Frankfurt. They had a few drinks and hit the dance floor. It was a lovely Saturday night, and the place was filled with beautiful people. They were dancing and having a great time, when all of a sudden, she spotted a pretty blonde woman smiling and winking at Leo! Jilli looked at him and noticed that he was smiling in the direction of this woman. Jilli felt the evil green claws of the Jealousy Demon scratching her from the feet to the throat. She turned around and walked towards the bar with a mission to drown her anger with a vodka shot. Leo rushed after Jilli, not knowing what happened, and why she walked away from him. She told him what she saw. He couldn’t believe her words! He loved her so much and swore that he would never do anything to hurt her. He said that his look in this particular direction was a coincidence, and that he didn’t even notice the woman that Jilli mentioned! Leo is a very tall and handsome man. It’s normal that he gets attention from women that find him very attractive, but he doesn’t do anything to instigate this. It’s not his fault that women stare at him. Jilli was very upset and walked out of the club, while confused Leo was running after her. Outside, the full effect of the vodka hit them both. Emotions were rising, and hurtful words were being said. What started off as a romantic evening turned into a horrific rollercoaster ride to hell and back. Until this day, Jilli doesn’t know if Leo was flirting back with that girl or not, but the only thing that’s left is the question if she trusts him or not? What could she do, it was his word against her alcohol-tainted impression of that evening.

 

Most of us have stared the Jealousy Demon directly in the eyes. Sometimes, this lifeless demon enters your body, and tortures you alive, until it has killed everything that you truly love! If I analyze various situations, I would say that jealousy in love comes from insecurities. We are not made of stone. We have feelings and emotions. The best way to overcome these insecurities is to work on ourselves, and learn to love and accept ourselves as we are – with our flaws and imperfections! Jealousy can also occur because of many other reasons. One of them is because we are afraid to lose our partner to the “competition”. There will always be a prettier, taller, skinnier, smarter and cuter woman than us. At the same time, another woman might think that you are the prettier one. Another reason might be that we make false interpretations of the behavior of our partners (Jilli thought that Leo was looking at the other woman, while he swore that he did not). These are simply wrong assumptions! A painful situation from the past might also influence jealousy, or not enough attention from your partner might also be the problem.

 

With jealousy we are hurting our partner in the process, but even more, we are ourselves the most! I am not saying that you must accept a cheating man/woman, but try to examine the situation and see if your fears can be really backed up by solid facts? Sometimes we see something from the corner of our eye that we think is a fact, when in reality all is not as it seems. What I can advise you is to have an open and honest communication with your partner. As hard as it may be, try to talk calmly about the situation before exploding at them.

 

Aside from our own insecurities, jealousy mostly occurs because of a trust issue. You must open up to your partner and talk about it. Trust is the most important element of a healthy relationship. Without it, the Jealousy Demon will constantly come back to haunt you. If your partner is awful to you, and gives you a reason not to trust them, then you must re-evaluate your relationship. However, if your partner doesn’t give you a reason not to trust them, then the problem lies within you. One must search deep within her/himself to figure out what makes them so jealous. This is a very hard and awkward process, but if you have the strength to do this, then you will find a way to beat this battle within you. Some people say that jealousy is a sickness, but I think that it’s like an allergy that you either try to eliminate throughout the years, or learn to live with. The choice is yours to make.

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Photo by: David Helmrich

Marco Polo City Guide – Frankfurt 2015

Marco Polo City Guide – Frankfurt 2015 1200 636 Galia Brener

My blog Yes, No, Maybe? is included in the Marco Polo Frankfurt city guide 2015!

Thank you dear Stephanie Kreuzer! I feel very honored and happy ♥

 

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