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Ego kills love!
Ego kills love! 960 960 Galia Brener

Hello, my name is Ego, and I am here to destroy your relationships. I am your best friend, and in fact, I am you! Let me teach you our rules: you better damn know that we are always right! They hurt us, so we must punish them by becoming distant, cold, and letting them suffer. Let’s stay mad, and not talk to them for a few days, see how they feel about that! That will teach them a big lesson, and make them crawl back to us, begging for forgiveness. I am the best, smartest, most intelligent, fantastic thing that exists. I am the EGO after all! My way of doing things is always the best. Everyone must do things my way, because I am a control freak! I must warn you about our enemy “Love”. Being your ego, I want what’s best for you. I take care of you, and make sure you are always protected against the enemy. Love is very tricky. Love always wants me to listen to the other side of the story, and also admit when I am wrong! Can you believe it?! Love requires a strange thing called “compromising”. It’s totally beneath me. I do not do compromising since my opinion is the right one, why should I agree with anyone else? They must only agree with me! If Love doesn’t understand that, then she can drown herself in the toilet. I will be happy to push the handle and watch her flush down, where she belongs. My name is EGO, and I am the only one who truly cares about you. I want the best for you! I adore always saying “I”, since “I” am the center of the Universe!

 

Sounds funny right? Unfortunately, that’s what happens in the minds of most people, including yours. Maybe not to such a drastic extent, but everyone’s Ego has gotten in the way of their happiness, at least once in their lives. 

 

My friend Cindy told me a story about her boyfriend. They loved each other very much. Unfortunately after a few months, both started having problems with their jobs. This stressed them out, and made them fight. They had long talks, and Cindy realized what her mistakes were. She wanted to compromise and make the necessary steps to heal the relationship. She loved him more than the air she breathed. He continued to be cold and distant, even though she made such a huge effort to come towards him, and understand him. She opened her heart to him, and explained why these problems occurred, because she waned them to find a path together for the future. Cindy managed to step over her ego, and did all she could to save the relationship. His mistakes also created problems and fights, but he wouldn’t admit it. With horror, she realized, “How can a man suddenly turn off his love and emotions towards her, when he supposedly loved her so much?” And then the bitter truth struck her. He never did truly love her. A man that genuinely loves his woman is happy when she wants to make compromises, and save the relationship. Everyone is different when entering a relationship, and only compromises can save true love. Throwing something away is quite easy. His ego and pride were standing in his way. He couldn’t see beyond, and it made him weak. Due to this, he lost the person that loved him more than anyone ever did or will. He will realize this as time goes by, when sadness and regret settle deep in his broken heart. By then, it will be too late.

 

To be able to “truly” love, you must drop the ego. The Ego knows no difference between male or female. We all have this evil inside of us. The Ego sticks its wicked claws into the person, controls them, and usually ruins their loves and lives. It must be controlled and not given any power! For example feeling jealousy, or feeling the need to argue with your partner until s/he admits that you are right. These fights usually occur about minor issues, and during times of stress. You might think that the other is taking advantage of you, and your point of view is less important then theirs. My advice to you is, don’t sweat the small stuff, simply let it go! You cannot always be right. What helps is resisting the temptation to always feel the need to defend yourself. This is actually the Ego defending itself. The Ego will win the argument, but you can lose your partner. Think about it, is this situation worth losing your loved one?

 

After this initial reaction to a fight, there is sometimes a need to continue punishing the partner. He hurt you, and therefore must pay the price for this. You give him/her the silent treatment, creating mountains of distance between you two. Who will write or call first? How long will you continue to treat your partner this way after the argument? Until the love completely dies? Actually, you are also hurting yourself in the process of this unnecessary harsh treatment. 

 

You must learn to agree to disagree! Learn to compromise! After arguments, the Ego will always try to trick you with doubts, fear, self-defence, re-thinking/evaluating the relationship, thinking “This doesn’t make me happy anymore, I need to protect myself and get out now!” The cold brutal rationality kills any feeling of love that you both established before. There will be fights once in a while, but you must be ready to let the issue go, or not only give blame, but also take blame upon yourself. Even Soul Mates are challenged with fights, in order to determine if their love for each other is real and strong. Be brave and tame your Ego. Build your own inner strength! This will not humiliate you, quite the opposite actually, this will make you strong and brave! How much longer do you want to be a slave to your Ego? If you are not willing to adjust to each other and work together on your relationship, then do yourself and your heart a favor, do not fall in love at all.

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Did a cheater break your heart?
Did a cheater break your heart? 1200 400 Galia Brener

Like I always say, love is a bitch. She mysteriously appears out of no where, forces herself into your nicely balanced life, punches you in the face until you are drunk enough not to know anything anymore and makes you helplessly addicted to her high. Unfortunately this bitch also has the habit of disappearing, leaving you with a half-beating shattered heart, and a painful anxiety that you would not even wish upon the devil himself. This is a very serious issue and I will be quite harsh in this article. It’s about survival and the necessity to heal and move on.

 

A few months ago, I met up with the girls for a delicious Sunday brunch. The door to the restaurant opened, and Jilli walked in, looking very upset. Her eyes were swollen, and she looked like she was about to collapse at any second. I felt my heart skip a beat because I knew something was very wrong. She looked up at us, her beautiful turquoise eyes filled with tears, and said, “We broke up.” I almost spilled my hot coffee allover myself. Jilli and her now “ex” boyfriend were our example that true love really does exist. My sunny-side up eggs arrived, but I couldn’t eat them. I took a bite and felt the egg sticking to my throat. I asked her what happened. This question made Jilli’s tears roll violently down her face, and she told us that he cheated on her in the cruelest way. It was emotional and psychological cheating. (Maybe even physical cheating, but she didn’t know for sure, because he was a liar!) He was chatting to other women on WhatsApp. He was also sending photo albums and writing love letters to his ex – saying what a good couple they still were, how much he missed her, was thinking about her and even crying because of these memories! He wrote the cheating letter a few hours before entering Jilli’s bed and having sex with her! He didn’t tell Jilli about this, he kept it a dark secret. How sick and cruel!

 

How could this person betray such a special love? She was ready to marry him and have his children. If the ex wouldn’t forward Jilli this email, she would never know that she was living with a betraying cheater! He had a long disgusting history of cheating. Actually he cheated on all his girlfriends, but Jilli thought that with her it would be different. She was terribly wrong! When Jilli confronted him about the cheating, he played the sick helpless victim role, saying how much he loved her, promising her lies in the air that he will never do it again, that he wants to marry her and she’s the only one for him! He even involved her mother, her best friend and his mother in his sick games! Blah, blah, blah, he said the same lying shit to his exes before. He said that he learned from his mistake, yet he did the same thing to Jilli! He said an emotional situation in the family made him write this email. Pathetic excuse! So what would happen now? Every time he had an emotional situation in his life, Jilli should be afraid that he would cheat on her again? She doesn’t need a weak man without a backbone! A snake doesn’t change its personality. I told Jilli, “Once a cheater, always a cheater!”

 

She asked me what to do, because she knows my story from many years ago. I’ve had my heart brutally destroyed once as well. Like Jilli, I thought that my world was demolished, and what I loved was being ripped out of my body alive. Months went by, and the pain did not subside. One day while crying in the kitchen, something strange happened; for a millisecond, I felt deep inside myself that if I wont finally deal with this crap, it will deal with me – in a very bad way. Constant painful emotions can lead to physical illness. The hard truth is that nobody needs a sick person. This brought out the fear, and self-protection in me, and I finally woke up. I entered survival-mode.

 

How did I heal my broken heart? I started loving myself more than I loved him. That’s it. That’s the trick. What does this mean? It means that soulmate or not, you have to take all the love you have for him, and turn it upon yourself, because you must survive this terror. You have no other choice, because if you don’t switch survival-mode on, this pain might destroy you. I have seen people turning to angry bitter monsters because of broken hearts. I have even heard of people falling into deep helpless depressions and not coming out of it for years! Is that what you want? To be stuck in hell for years obsessing about some jerk that cheated and doesn’t deserve you? That’s abandonment and betrayal and such a person is not entitled to your love – you are the one who deserves your love now!

 

Loving yourself more means living for yourself. Take the first few months to be selfish by doing what you want and when you want it. Your friends and family will understand if you explain to them. Learn to say “No” to others. Loving yourself is also controlling yourself – your thoughts and emotions. As soon as you think of how you miss him, counteract the thought with a thought of a bad thing that he did to you. Remember the bad stuff? It was not only rainbows. Loving yourself is being strong! You can cry for some weeks, but one day you have to get up, find your courage and start respecting yourself again. Loving yourself means fighting for yourself to become happy again. It means not letting yourself sink in the misery of your negative and depressive feelings. If he was weak and didn’t fight for you, doesn’t mean that you also have to be weak and not fight for yourself. If you have a dog or a child, would you allow someone to hurt them, while standing and watching? No! You would jump in, and save them from this evil. Well, imagine yourself jumping in and saving yourself. That’s what you have to do now, save yourself.

 

Life is too damn short to cry over idiots who take us for granted, cheat on us, don’t appreciate us and actually do not even deserve us. Never ever give your power away by letting someone bring you down so low, that you cannot feel “happiness” anymore. How the hell does he still deserve love from you after hurting you like that? He doesn’t deserve it and never will again. You deserve your own love now! ♥

 

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Are you dating a bad person… again?
Are you dating a bad person… again? 803 1200 Galia Brener

Have you ever thought, “Oh great, the same shit and asshole again!” Do you keep on meeting guys that end up playing and hurting you? Or do you meet women that use you, or cheat on you? Do you sometime feel that the world has ran out of good people to date, and you are left with the broken, damaged crap that no one else wants? Many of us experience the same dating catastrophes over and over again! However, is it really the fact that all the good ones are taken already, or have we simply not learned from our past mistakes? Perhaps the problem lies within us and not them – especially if we experience the same issues with different people!

 

My friend Heather started dating a new guy three months ago. Everything was going so perfectly at the beginning. He was writing and calling her daily, spending lots of time with her, adored and gave her many compliments, and invited her to romantic dates. She was on cloud nine, and felt that her life couldn’t get any better. The third month came along, and the same familiar arguments and fights started. She said, “Gali, I can’t believe that he turned on me like that! It was so amazing, and now the same nightmare started again like with my ex!” Similar issues and disagreements came up. She felt like she was reliving the same bad horror show, but with a different man! Again the same lack of attention and affection, less calls and contact, the same disrespect and the same distancing started to happen. She felt her man slip slowly away through her fingers, and she couldn’t hold onto him any longer.

 

Unfortunately the hardest part is the realization that we are the common denominator in all of our relationships. Either we choose the wrong people to date, or we make the same mistakes over and over again. If you realize that you always have bad issues with partners, then it’s time to take a serious look within yourself, because it might be something that we are doing wrong and not them.

 

It’s crucial to examine the mistakes you made in your past relationships. For example, were you often jealous with not much reason, or got stuck onto words said without much thought? Did you often walk with your ego a meter ahead of you, and defended yourself like in a war at every argument? Or were you not sympathetic enough to your partner? Were you too clingy, or simply not attentive enough? Did you evoke unnecessary drama or often felt insulted? Were you a good listener? Did you cheat on your love? Were there ridiculous expectations or assumptions? This is a very hard trying to do, but try to examine where you made your mistakes in the past and what could have been avoided. We all had situations where we could have let go of small things, avoiding arguments and making it easier to keep the peace – but our selfish egos wouldn’t let us do that. These are all small things that add up and kill relationships. If you experience the same dating problems over and over again – then these are the exact issues that you didn’t learn from in the past. Don’t worry we all had these experiences, you are not alone.

 

However it might not always be the “big” mistakes stated above. Your mistake might be that you are simply choosing the wrong person again and again. We usually have a certain “type” of person that we are attracted to. Whether the appearance or the personality, we subconsciously go for the same one. You must test the waters for new possibilities. Don’t get stuck on the same pattern, because it’s obvious that it didn’t work out the last few times, so give yourself a break from this approach. Go to new unfamiliar places that different people frequent. You might be pleasantly surprised by the witty art lover, or the stiff banker – who might not be that stiff after all! What about the sporty type or the hobby cook at the kleinmarkthalle? Explore new terrains.

 

I came to the important realization that if I want to have a happy and healthy relationship, then I must learn from my past mistakes. That’s the only way of avoiding having the same crap follow me again and again. With every dating experience there must be some sort of evolution. You get to know yourself better in various situations and improve yourself. With my own experiences and what I see with my friends, I can honestly tell you that if you don’t learn from the past, you will not get any further, even with a new love – the same shit will happen again and again! What really helped me is to work on my behavior. I did my best to become a better version of myself. Then I opened up my eyes and started choosing different men. I broke my pattern and it really worked! Remember, you cannot get new results if you do and choose the same thing over and over.

 

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10 points to avoid falling for a player!
10 points to avoid falling for a player! 1200 400 Galia Brener

 

 

Welcome to an age where things move so fast, that even the aliens are almost ready to visit us. We live in a time where everyone is on the go, looking for bigger and better things. The ultimate career, the handsome alpha male husband, the top flawless figure, a bigger house, faster car, younger girlfriend – or maybe even two. The list goes on and on. More, bigger, faster, better. But in such a demanding and consuming society, where does this leave matters of the heart? Always wanting bigger and better, have we forgotten to slow down, smell the roses and fully open our hearts to true love?

 
My good friend Heather Klein is a very loving, sweet and sensitive girl. One evening we went out for drinks, and she met a handsome man. He was tall and muscular, had pitch-black hair like a raven, and yellow-green eyes. He looked like a supernatural Rembrandt painting. I found him to be very mysterious, but somewhat too “creepy” for my taste – it was his strange yellow eyes that made me feel almost uncomfortable. However Heather was mesmerized beyond belief by him. After a little while, the bartender served Heather a cold glass of champagne, compliments from “Mr. Raven” across the bar. Heather shot him a smile mixed with innocence and seduction – and so the game has begun. He came over to us, his eyes burning and fixated on Heather. They were inseparable the entire evening, talking about life, literature, art and their adventures. I was extremely happy to see an exuberant smile on Heather’s face, because it’s been a while since her ex cold-heatedly left her without looking back.

 
Heather and Mr. Raven started seeing each other. He took her out for nice dinners, dancing, and long walks along the river Main. Her feelings for him grew more intense each day, however there were things that bothered her. For example, there were days when he did not contact her at all, and if she would write him, it took a day or longer for him to answer, even though he was online quite often. He was never available for her on the weekends, and didn’t introduce her to any of his friends. He didn’t plan dates with her in advance, and usually just wrote text messages, asking her to meet with him spontaneously in the evening. It seemed like he had many other “engagements” to take care of simultaneously. She felt in her heart that he was a player, yet she liked him so much! Two weeks have passed, and she slept with him for the first time. After that romantic Saturday evening in bed, he left her flat early the next day. The dates became less frequent, and the month after he stopped writing her all together, saying that he had a new project at work which occupied most of his time.

 

Last week we were at the Sullivan Bar, and saw the “new project” that was occupying him. The project was tall, blonde, slim and very beautiful. He saw Heather from across the bar, but this time no champagne was sent to her. She only received a pitiful stare, which made her heart bleed from the sheer coldness of it. She came home with a heavily tear-stained face, and melted onto her historic polished wood floors. She couldn’t stop crying. Heather has been played in the cruelest way – by a man in disguise – pretending to look for love.

 

Ladies and gentlemen, “the player” comes in all forms, shapes and sizes – so be aware! Unfortunately for the kind and sweet ones, the ones who open up their heart and soul to these monsters, they don’t know what hit them until it’s too late. However, these creatures can be identified, if close attention is paid to these facts:

 
1. Communication is never constant with a player. One day you can be texting many times back and forth, and the next day or two you won’t hear a thing from them. They can be online, but won’t answer you.

2. They have many friends of the opposite sex. Of course they are only “friends”. Some might actually be friends, but most are usually the ones they are sleeping with.

3. They keep you waiting on hold, and don’t make dates with you in advance. They usually ask to see you last minute, and can cancel a date without proper notice. They only have time once or maximum twice a week to see you. Forget weekends with them – they have no time, or are gone.

4. They flirt with others in your presence.

5. Promises promises promises – without actions – just words.

6. They are not interested much about what’s going on in your life. They talk mainly about themselves, and don’t ask questions about you – they simply don’t care.

7. You haven’t met their friends – s/he doesn’t invite you when they are all out together.

8. They don’t share their life plans, goals and aspiration with you. Your interaction is kept on a superficial and sexual level.

9. They don’t pursue you, or make the effort to win you over. You are usually the one chasing them.

10.  They are not emotionally available and open to you. Usually they don’t want to cuddle and do romantic things with you.

 
Ladies and gentlemen, even though this sounds like a hard truth, there are ways to avoid this unnecessary heartbreak. Keep your eyes and ears open! Listen to what they say and make your assessment. Pay attention to your gut feeling, because usually deep down we know and feel when someone has genuine intentions for us, or just wants to play us. Don’t close your eyes on the small hints and signs. However, if you like this person and want more from them – communicate this! You have nothing to lose! Nothing tests a player better than telling them straightforward that you are not a person to be put on hold. Take a risk and say that you are not looking for a quick affair or easy sex, and see how they react. If they slowly disappear from your life, then you have your answer. What also works well is waiting to have sex. Players usually don’t stick around that long if they can’t see the potential of getting sex. The most important thing is to be honest with yourself, and if you see the warning signs, be smart and make the right decision. Life is too short to play games where someone ends up with pain – and it’s never the player that gets hurt!

 

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The 1 out of 10 guy
The 1 out of 10 guy 1200 400 Galia Brener

Sounds like a funny yet terrible nickname, right? Unfortunately this label is not a good one and stems out of desperation. I created this nickname after an observation I made two weeks ago when I saw such a man working his tricks live in action. This is a type of man that has absolutely no standards or a qualification system, because he takes anything that he can get. His only requirement is a vagina. If one is there, then he will take it. He tries his pathetic luck with every woman that his eye catches, and 1 out of 10 will take the bait and go with him! Sadville.

 

Two weeks ago, I took the ICE train from Frankfurt to Munich. Unfortunately for me, the train drivers were striking that day, and there was a big chaos at the central train station. My friend and I jumped onto the Mannheim train because we could switch to the Munich one from there. Needless to say the train was completely full. We were lucky to get a seat at the bistro wagon. Across from us, I noticed a man starring at me. He was decent looking, what some would call “average”. He was tall, had dark grayish hair and was probably in his end 40s. He was in good shape and seemed friendly. Not an ugly man who would repulse anyone, but a normal guy. (Or so I thought!). I like to watch people, especially their behavior and interaction patterns.

 

The “1 out of 10 guy” saw that I was there with a man, but that fact didn’t bother him at all. He found his way into our conversation and flirted with me right in front of my friend – who could have actually been my boyfriend or husband. But 1/10-guy didn’t care. He just went straight for his target. He did not pique my interest because there was something a bit creepy about him – the way he kept starring me up and down from the corner of his eye. I kept to myself and did not engage in the conversation, so he got the point and backed off. Within 5 minutes he was chatting up another woman, yet still looking at me while flirting with her. Woman Nr. 2 wasn’t buying his sweet talk either. Next, he simply turned around in mid conversation and started talking to the woman on his other side – victim Nr. 3! She was a bit more gullible. She was buying into his charming talk, even though she clearly saw him flirting with 2 other women, right in front of her eyes! The train stopped in Mannheim and we had to switch.

 

We found another perfect spot in the bistro wagon. And guess what? Poof! Like magic, 1/10-guy appeared in the wagon and sat at a table in front of us. This gave me the perfect chance to observe the animal in his natural habitat. We had 2 more hours to go, and I kid you not, in this span of time, 6 women came and left his table! He even tried to chat up best friends that were sitting next to each other, to see who he could get. He was like a machine. He had no boundaries, no limits and absolutely no shame! Rejection, next. Rejection, next. Again, again and again. I was shocked by his ridiculously desperate persistence. Either he was an extremely horny man who hasn’t had sex in years, or was a psycho maniac, a rapist, or this was simply his normal behavior to lure someone into bed. Shocking.

 

What was even more shocking was the last one: woman Nr. 10. She boarded the train on the last station before Munich and sat beside him. She was about his age and already noticeably intoxicated. He ordered them both a glass of wine, just in case she doesn’t sober up before they arrive in Munich! She was speaking very loudly, in order to draw more attention to her. He needed a warm vagina and she needed attention – a match made in heaven. The train arrived in Munich and they both got out together. On his way out he gave me a nasty wink and left the train. Woman number 10 took the bait. He got her. We saw them kissing and getting into the taxi together. There we have it: out of 10 women, this dreadful guy managed to actually land 1!

 

Ladies he’s not the only one of this despicable sort. There are more of them out there. They go around trying their luck, sleeping with everything that moves. I wouldn’t want to see you become his next victim. Please do yourself a favor and be more observant, watch whom he speaks to, while eyeing you. Do not go home with a man like that. I don’t mean to be vulgar, but you don’t know which holes his penis visited a few hours before! It can also be very dangerous in regards to sexually transmitted diseases or he could be a rapist. Please turn your “awareness hat” on and make sure you don’t fall for his game. Unfortunately men like 1/10-guy don’t value women very much and only see them as objects for their bodily use. I don’t want to see you getting hurt by a repulsive man like that. You have standards and should choose a man who has standards as well. The right man should make you his queen and not woman Nr. 10 out of 10. You deserve to be number 1 – the one and only!

 

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You want revenge?
You want revenge? 1354 437 Galia Brener

 

Do you find yourself fantasizing about revenge that you can get on someone that did something bad to you? Perhaps someone took something from you that you really loved, or simply came, used and left? Maybe they cheated and broke your heart? Theft or friend betrayal? Or spread gossip about you? Whatever it was that happened, I am sure that it was painful. Like you, I have also experienced this unjust pain. Many of us did. The second emotion after the pain subsides is anger. With anger comes the fierce need for revenge! You think to yourself, “If only, this person can suffer like I did…” STOP. Don’t do anything. Revenge is an automatic reaction to all evil actions in this world. You don’t even have to move your finger for it to happen.

You have all heard of her. She hides in the shadows and waits for “those people” to pass by. Then suddenly she leaps out and bites them in the ass, with her sharp metal teeth, ripping through their flesh and bones. She has no mercy, and she always locates her “targets”. Her name is Karma, and she never attacks innocent victims. She only hunts for those who deserve it, and she has a bloody long list with names on it.

My friend Heather was dating a man for a few years. She loved him more than any other person on Earth, and she thought he did as well. Everything was going well until someone told her that they saw him at a bar, kissing another woman. Apparently he had been cheating on her for months now. They broke up and she was devastated. After a year of tears and pain Heather met a wonderful man and the got married. Her ex however was living a horrible nightmare. The woman he cheated with, ended up cheating on him, and got pregnant from another man! She didn’t tell him about it until the child was born with red hair. Both had dark hair. The DNA test proved that it wasn’t his child. The ex came crying to Heather, saying that he wanted her back. Heather was smart and told him to go back to his demon from hell, where he belongs.

Another story is of Michael who had a business partner Dan. Everything was going well, until Dan stole all the money from the business and ran away from the country. Michael was left with nothing, except for some debts to pay. He had to declare personal bankruptcy because he could not pay a penny back. Michael was lost because he didn’t know how to feed his family. Dan robed him of his entire existence, because he invested everything he had in this company. I will never forget seeing his empty eyes and pride drained from his body. A year later, news came that Dan was killed by the same people that he gave the stolen money to. Michael would have never wished death upon him, but it was not in his hands anymore. Karma decided what to do.

You have probably asked yourself, “Why is it that some people do really bad things, and don’t get punished for it?” So what really happens to these people? Do they simply continue to live their lives, enjoying their rotten behavior? Or does karma catch up with them, and make them wish they were never born? From all of the stories that I have heard so far, these monsters eventually get what they deserve. It might happen the next day, in a month, a year or even 10 years. I have seen it happen right before my eyes. It’s magic – somehow karma always knows who to get and when.

The most important piece of advice that I can give you is: DON’T DO ANYTHING! If you’ve been hurt by someone, do not plan a revenge. Sit comfortably back and let karma do her work. She gets paid quite well for it. You don’t want to get your hands dirty in the process. If you strike back, then you are doing something bad as well, and you might end up being her next victim! Don’t go down this evil path. The “Eye for an eye” theory is flawed because it will act like a boomerang, and bring the misery back to you again. It’s a damned circle, and you have to be the one who breaks it. Stay clean, and don’t go down to their level.

Karma is a very fair player. She never cheats. Good deeds will bring good rewards. Evil deeds will bring misery, pain and suffering. So I ask you again, do you want revenge? If yes, then do nothing and rest assured knowing that it will happen automatically. Justice will be done. To every action, there is a reaction. That’s the law of the universe.

Are you his sex toy or his next girlfriend?
Are you his sex toy or his next girlfriend? 1354 437 Galia Brener
I have received many letters from women asking me how to tell if a guy has long-term intentions for them, or if he’s simply looking for a sex fling? This can be quite tricky because some people are willing to go to any measure, including selling white lies about a happy future together, just to get the girl in bed. I have asked many of my male friends about this, and almost all told me that when they first meet a girl, they can tell within the first hour of talking to her if she will be just a fling, or a future girlfriend. Luckily there are a few hints at the beginning, which let you know and feel if he only wants you for sex, or to be his girlfriend.

My friend Sandy had to learn this the hard way. Half a year ago she met a guy at a bar, and they hit it off quite well. They talked for a while, and ended the evening by kissing, but Sandy went home alone. She didn’t want to rush things and jump into bed with him because she liked him, and didn’t want it to be just about sex. He wasn’t happy that she didn’t want to sleep with him, but she didn’t notice that in her tipsy state. This was on a Wednesday evening, and she was sure that he would call or write on the weekend, but he didn’t. The next week on Tuesday he wrote her, asking to meet on Wednesday. I said that he’s not serious about her, otherwise he would have at least written a short message on the weekend asking how she’s doing. Sandy tried to brush it off by saying he’s probably busy.

They met on Wednesday and had dinner, went for drinks and then she took him home. She told him that she doesn’t want a fling but rather a relationship, and he said, “Sure, that’s what I want to.” They finally had sex, and it was “ok”, but nothing earth-shattering or mind blowing. Still, Sandy was lusting for him, and his smell played havoc with her brain. He was smart enough, but not the most intelligent man for deep conversations, so the dates were not the best ones she had. However, he “teased” her of a future together, also mentioning holidays and places he wanted to visit with her. His extremely attractive “outer shell” hooked her as well. The next morning he left, and this time she didn’t hear from him for almost an entire week. This was horrible for her because they had sex for the first time together. She wrote him a sweet sms, and it took him days to answer! I told her that this is just sex for him, and he’s not serious about her. She refused to listen to me. This fling lasted for 3 months of them seeing each other once a week, never on the weekends, and not getting closer emotionally at all. Sandy became sad and tired of his ways, and told him that this was not going anywhere. And guess what? He didn’t even try to keep her. He just let her go and she never heard from him again. She later found out that he had many other girls, with whom he was doing the same thing at the same time.

Here are two lists to show you the difference of what he really wants from you:

If he wants you only for sex or a fling:

1. He will text you only when he needs to fill his time once or twice a week, or is feeling hot and horny and needs a release. He keeps the communication to a minimum, only enough to keep you hooked and get sex from you.

2. When you meet him, you feel that your time together is very limited.

3. After a date you never know if that’s the last time you see him. He doesn’t make short-term or long-term plans with you.

4. Even if you say no, he still pushes too much to have sex with you when you’re making out.

5. He doesn’t take you along to places and evenings with his friends and family. You don’t get integrated into his life.

6. If you have problems, he doesn’t offer to help, and doesn’t really seem interested in your issues. He might even change the topic of conversation, or react inadequately to something that bothers you. If you’re sick, he tells you to get better and meet after you’re healthy again.

7. He does everything only for his convenience, and goes only where he wants. If he doesn’t like a place or event you mention, he won’t go there, even if he knows that it would make you happy.

8. He speaks mostly about himself, his life, his hobbies and his passions. He doesn’t ask you much about you and your life. He doesn’t care to ask about your friends and family.

9. When going out together, his eyes will be darting all over the place, looking at other women.

If he wants you to be his girlfriend:

1. He will write and call to see how you are doing – usually everyday, or every second day – because he cares and wants to stay in contact with you. He writes longer sentences, because he wants to keep a strong and constant communication with you.

2. He makes enough time to see you and be with you, because he wants to have you by his side.

3. Even during the date, he’s already mentioning the next time you meet, what you could do together, what you can see or experience together. He’s thinking long-term with you.

4. When you’re making out and you say no to sex, he’s a gentleman and doesn’t push you for more. He respects your wishes because he wants to keep you by his side.

5. He takes you to meet his friends, and also to meet his family. He’s proud to have you with him.

6. He listens carefully if you tell him about a problem you’re having, and offers his help right away. If you’re sick, he will bring you chicken soup. He’s there for you and cares about you.

7. Even if he hates the opera, street fests, or a certain party, restaurant or bar, he will go there with you because he knows that you like it, and it will make you happy.

8. He’s interested in your life, and asks many questions about you, your passions and goals in life. He’s interested about your family and friends, and wants to integrate himself into your life.

9. He will have eyes only for you, and you wont see him constantly looking at other women.

Ladies, I know how hard it is to admit to ourselves that the guy we like is not serious about us, but if you’re not honest with yourself, you will get hurt like my friend Sandy did. Open your eyes and hearts, and see what he really wants from. The best is to ask him what his intentions are for you. Straightforward communication is always important. If he’s lying, like in Sandy’s case, then you have to figure it out for yourself. We are women, and have a strong intuition. Let’s be honest, we feel and know right away what the man truly wants from us. But we lie to ourselves thinking that we can make him see our inner beauty and fall in love with us, and this is how we get hurt. So next time please keep your antennae up to see what he really wants from you. If you’re looking for a boyfriend, then make sure to follow my second list, and see if he behaves accordingly! Don’t allow yourself to be used sexually and emotionally, because you deserve better than that. You deserve real love.

Web: www.facebook.com/yesnomaybegalia
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