calories

In order to start this column in the most authentic way possible, I have ordered a family-sized pizza, with a soft drink and ice cream for dessert. Often I find myself thinking, how long do we actually have to live a lovely, fun, happy and satisfying life? 85 years if we are lucky. We start thinking about our body image at the age of 15 until approximately 70. That leaves us with 55 years of worrying about being skinny, having the perfect shape, no cellulite, toned muscles, fitting into smaller and smaller sizes, and having those bloody skinny jeans laying around that we so desperately want to fit into, but mysteriously never “comfortably” can! We force ourselves to eat a salad everyday – over and over again. Daily salad consumption, for 55 years makes it…. 20,075 damn salads! Congratulations boys and girls, we are officially worse than rabbits. I think it’s time to start eating what we want, and feeling happy about it!

Hungry = Angry. When hungry, your serotonin levels are low, and hence you feel angry, and sometimes even depressed. My mom knows not to talk to me until I have eaten a proper meal; otherwise I become a walking monster. I get irritated, and short-tempered. Even worse than that, my stomach and head start to hurt. Believe it or not, the “evil carbohydrates” help to rebuild serotonin quicker in your brain, which is responsible for making you feel happy. So do not run away from carbs, because if eaten in the right dosage, they are your friends!

We live in a time where being skinny has become the definition of beauty. Maybe I really am from another planet and do not understand the Earthly ways, but aren’t our curves and softness what makes us women feminine and beautiful? Yes? Then why is everyone going crazy to become a teeny tiny size? Somehow between the 1950’s and today, something got terribly lost in translation. This makes me angry! Who the hell started this mass confusion, and is responsible for this ridiculous chaos? Every (good) single man that I have spoken to lately says that he would love to meet a woman with nice curves. Can it be that we women are making our own life so complicated? Then again, I remember my 2nd ex blaming me for becoming fat after a visit to Japan (Without him…) I gained 4 kilos, and he made it sound like I became a blimp. Thank God I got rid of that freak. I was in a new country, and he thought that I wouldn’t try all of the delicious exotic foods? I would give him up again and again for a fresh piece of Kobe beef!

My friend Anatoly was dating a beautiful voluptuous Brazilian woman. They shared a huge passion for food. They cooked together, and tried out new restaurants. Anatoly adored her curves. She was the perfect vision of femininity for him. When they got married, his wife started spending more time with the snobby neighborhood women. They assured her that all the husbands have younger, skinnier and beautiful mistresses at work. They were crazy paranoid witches that influenced her very negatively. She lost a lot of weight, and did not eat much with Anatoly anymore. Their shared passion has disappeared. She was constantly hungry, moody, and angry. The love was suffering. She lost her beautiful feminine curves, and her bones hurt him while trying to make love. She became a ghost of what she once was, and eventually this led to divorce. He loved her desperately, and tried to show her the light, but she was lost in her own superficial world.

Guilt = Fat. I will share with you something important that I have learned from my past. If I would eat something really fatty, or in large amounts, I would constantly worry about it. I knew that the calories and fat were quite high, and felt that it will cause my body damage. I gained much weight in only just a week! I felt guilt all the time. It was a psychological jail, with the torture included! A few weeks later I lost those kilos, and decided to make an experiment. I ate exactly the same food and amounts, but felt no guilt or remorse after. I felt good about what I ate because I knew that for this moment of my life, I needed this food. The carbs made me happy! I felt relaxed because I could eat what I wanted without feeling bad. Well guess what? Same food, same amount, and my weight did not change. Sounds unreal, but it’s true. It’s all a psychological mind game. Guilt attracts negativity into your life and body.

Soul food = Happy person. The evil burger is calling your name. You tell it to shut up, but it doesn’t work because you fantasize about its juices in your mouth. Go ahead and eat the damn burger. Of course I am not suggesting you to exaggerate every day, and get a heart attack, but a bit more pleasure with your meals will make you happier. My theory is to enjoy and eat what you want, but not to overdo it. Have your healthy stuff in between, but leave space for the treats and goodies that your heart and soul desire. Love yourself and feed yourself. Do not starve, because your body will not forgive you. And remember… life is too bloody short to live on salads!